officers came over to console me. >> reporter: emotions that are still raw to this day. >> i felt helplessness and depression of the 6th. since then it turned into anger. >> reporter: 80 officers met in small groups with a trauma expert. >> i think the long term mental health effects are very significant and manifesting the distress, the threats to the democracy. >> reporter: four officers who survived later died by suicide. have you found officers with suicidal thoughts? >> yes. and i'm sure there are many who are not spiking about the suicidal thoughts. >> reporter: are you afraid if something were to happen that you are afraid to go back in to the fray? >> not at all. it's a job. >> reporter: but he and many others on the thin blue line want accountability for the