[beep] darren hi. My name is darren west, and i want to be a contestant on american champion. Who am i . I would say im driven. I have a strong work ethic and a fire in my belly, and i, uhierri go allout all the timeand, uh. Who am i . Im a driven person. I have a song work ethic and a fire in my belly. I go all out all the time. Thats who i am. I guess you could say i wear my heart on my sleeve and, uh, i didnt wear any sleeves. Woman shouldnt you be wearing a sleeveless shirt if youre gonna say that . Darren eh, no one will notice. Woman i guess it just seems like everyone on the show has, like, a theme. They do charities, or theyre veterans, or they have some kind of sad or inspiring thing. I just darren well, some guys have inspirinstories. Idont have that, all right . I wasnt in the military or whatever. I wasnt adopted by wolves. Woman raised by wolves. Darren ok. The point is i have to take my essence, regular guy, and play that up. This is the one. I feel it. Announcer and welcome back to american champion. Were coming at you live from l. A. With the semifinals. Weve got 10 allnew obstacles and 6. Woman im gonna head to bed. I have work early in the morning. Darren youre not gonna watch . Come on. Ey. Woman good night. So howd things ake up last night . Darren on the show . Woman mmhmm. Darren the, uh,ipped grandma got eliminated. Woman hmm. So that leaves the widow and the darren and the guy with eczema. Woman right, right, right. Ok. So, um, im headed to work. Can you, uh, do the dishes when you finish up . Darren sure. Woman bye. Darren bye. [bell ringing] [reverse signal beeping] woman two so he says to me he saysand hes a big fella, mind youso he says, everything i need to know about you i can tell just by looking at your backend. Raspberry pie, cherry pie, but not blueberry. Never blueberry back in those days. You remember when them cows hit the freeway . And after that incident, shes burnt so bad had to give her a bath in coffee creamer every morning to soothe the pain. Came out smelling like hazelnuts, though. [crickets chirping] [chime] [door creaks] woman hey, darren. Darren hi. Woman darren. What did i ask you to do this morning . Darren have a nice day. Woman ts interesting how often you talk aut whatever work ethic darren you dont sound very supportive right now. Woman supportive . Darren it doesnt sound like youre in my corner. Woman i go to work ery day for 10 hours, and all im asking you to do is scrub a cereal bowl. Its the least you could do. Darren how Many American champion champions do you think are scrubbing cereal bowls, huh . Huh . Where do you think were getting rking inside a warehouse, caroline . Were invisible, and im trying to elevate us, so the least you could do is say thank you instead of yelling caroline thank you . Darren yeah. Caroline why dont you just stab me then right here . Go ahea and thei can thank you for the new coatrack jesus christ. Man on tv when she lost her legs in afghanistan, oh, it was just so surreal, you know . It changed everything, but looking back on it, i think its the best thing that could ever have happened to us. She gave me the motivation to be the best version of myself. Shes the reason i give it 110 every day. If im american champion, its gonna be because of my wife. [turns off tv] [country music playing] darren i need you to make her a plegic, a paraa quadri which ones just the legs . Man doesnt matter. Darren well, uh, just do the legs. Waitress you cant smoke in here. [slurp] man mmm. All right. Darren um, whats the protocol here . Is that it . Ohthat. Cash, dough, cheddar, texas tea. Man texas tea is oil. Darren oh. Well, uh, whats money then . Green tea . Caroline darren. Im sorry i snapped yesterday. Im headed to work, ok . Darren its ok. Im sorry. [camera beeps] every days a struggle having a paralea paraplegic wife. Everything i do i do for her. I give 110 for her every day, but, oh, brother, it aint easy. It aint easy being the one who has to do everything. Its hard, but its worth it because i become the best version of myself. If im on american champion, id dedicate it to my wife caroline, my legless love. Well, uh, she has legs. Theyre just, you know. Man you caroline . Caroline can i help you . Whatwhat are you man agh ahh agh coconut . Agh unh woman whos the. . [door opens] hey. Darren hi. Youre home early. Caroline yeah. I had a crazy, weird day at work today. Had to call the cops on some guy. He, like, pulled out a crowbar and tried to attack me. Hey. You did the dishes. See . It aint so hard. Darren may i got to the restroom, please . Caroline are you asking me . Ok. [door shuts] [beep] darren every days a struggle having a paralea paraplegic wife, but its worth it because i become the best version of myself. If im on american champion, id dedicate it to my wife caroline, my legless love. Well, uh, she has legs. Theyre just. [car approaching] [knock on door] darren i can explain. I promise. Tell them im not here. [police radio chatter] caroline ok. Man Caroline West . Caroline yes. Woman your husband is darren west . [knock on door] caroline darren, i told them you werent here. Told them i didnt know where you were. You can tell me what happened. I wont be mad. Darren you sent them away . Caroline of course i did. Im here to support you. You can talk to me. Darren i did a bad thing. Caroline darren. Come out. Im in your corner. [creak] [police radio chatter] [prison door clattering] [thud] [indistinct chatter] [american champion theme music playing] announcer were coming to you live from l. A. Its american champion. Weve got a new batch of contestants this week, including a warehouse worker who got out of a toxic relationship and reinvented herself as a real champion. Caroline when you grow up in a small town, you dont have a lot of options. A lot of people get married young. The guy i married wanted to move to california. So did i. Move out west, you know . I thought if we could get there everything would be all right. Things didnt work out. He, uh he tried to hurt me, but i pulled myself out of the hole. It took hard work, determination. I gave it everything i have. I guess you could say i wear my heart on my sleeve even when im not wearing any sleeves. [cheering and applause] frankie the gymnastics world is a tough place to make friends. You wouldnt think a bunch of 13yearold girls would be so intense, but its like a shark tank out there, especially when youre aizarre hot doghan hybrid girl. But thats ok. Im not here for that. Igonna win for you and show the world that hot dogs can do gymnastics, too. [cheering and applause] announcer tiffany sticks the landin the remaining competitors will need a perfect score to win. Girl awesome job, tiffany. Girl two yeah. Youre the best tiffany look, girls its a lifesized pig in a blanket. Girl yeah. Looks like the hot dog finally ketchud to the uh. Tiffany listen. This is gymnastics. Its for han gis, not hot dogs, especially not gas station horsmeat humanhot dog hybrid freaks like you. Girl and youre an idiot tiffany shes likif god messed up a person. Girl ell probably die alone. Sally here. You know, befe i became fends with ffany, she used to call me stinky pits sally. Gosh, shes the worst. M only tryg to win for my parents. If can get the prize money, i can fally afford the operation. Tiffany sally, what are you doing talking to that hot dog monstrosity . Sally uh, i got to go. I sorry. Stay strong. Coming [tiffany sighs] tiffany dont tell me youere lking about your dumb parents again. Sally no. I was making fun of the hot dog for being diffent. Tiffany ha nice announcer sally to the floor. Tiffany you better not embarrass us, sally. [cheering and applause] [buzzer] announcer sally disqualified. The final competitor frankie the hot dog to the floor. Girls youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not a person. Youre not person. Sally hey, tiffany. Whado you think of my eaty armpits . Ould i be insecure about them . Tiffany well, well, well. If it isnt sally the stinky pits moron. You look li if a dumb person and an idiot had. Announcer frankie, 10 seconds to disqualification. [exhales] [bell tolls] frankie mom, is that you . Mom yes, its meghost mom. Youve made it into the zone. Ive been ghost watching you your whole life. Sure i died when you came out of me a fully rmed hot dog, and frany, i still have some questions, but donthink of that now. Think of your training, the years of dedication. I was always ghost there for you. Inow you can stick this triple axel flip. Frkie i dont know if im ready. Mom sweetie, youre ready. Its time to show the world what type of hot dog you rlly are a weiner. [sighs] eartbeat [panting] tear hee me love. Announcer frankie wins [cheering and applau] tiffany oh, my god is this spicy mustard . Girl im allergic to tomato [cheering and applause] [camera shutters clicking] sally frankie, that was amazing your form incredible, and when you didi just what . No. I cant take this. This is everything youve worked for for your entire life. Its not worth my new best friend. [cheering and applause] man i was so ashamed of myself that i couldnt control that. I was like, whats going on here . Woman i didnt kn what was happening to me. Am i stil stressed from yesterday, or what iswhat is the deal with me . Man two just was little overwhelming for me because i think my eye doesnt know where to go, and then my brain starts to freak out. Woman 3 i start, like, thinking in my head, oh, mylike, oh, my god. I canti canti cant get the sight up, you ow, and then it starts to snowball. Man two its scary once that snowball starts cking up a you start to realize, like, oh, this is a problem. Kristin braun theres something magical about releasing an arrow and seeing it fly through e air. Its like time stops. You wait and wonder for it to find its way to the target and listen for the hit. I fell in love with the very first arrow. I started archery when i w 10 years old. I tried it at girl scout camp, and it was peaceful and meditative, and i got to be outside and working with my hands and my mind, and it was just reay easy for me to connect with it. When i learne that archery was in the olympics, i ew my stiny. Competing in the olympics became a dream of mine, and i knew in my soul that i could push myself to work harder and shoot better than anyone else. I dropped out of film school at usc and went to train fullme at th olympic aining center. So i lived there, i ate there, i slept there. All i did every day was archery. I made the World Championships team. My scores went up, my ranking went up. Everything was making sense, and i saw my efforts pay off in tangible results. Jay leno we have a member of the u. S. 2009 olympic archery teamkristin braun. Kristin, come on out here. [cheering and applause] kristin but then something changed. It was so subtle at first i barely noticed. I began to flinch every so often at full draw. I assumed that it was something that i was doing incorrectly with technique or that i needed to be stronger or that i needed to just train more. Every day, i trained harder to fix my problem. Days tned into weeks, then months. I had a bad year, but i still had hope that i could do something or change something and then be back on track. Back then, no one talked about target panic, but i had heard whispers about it, a bogeyman that causes archers to miss or be afraid of the target, drowning them in misery while robbing them of their skill. I ran ay from it because i never heard of anyone escapi it once they were engulfed, but was already lost in the storm. My worst experience with target panici started having trouble tting througthe clicr. The clicker is this piece of equipment that tells y when to shoot. Some shots, i would come up, and i would just pull through even before it even got to my face, and i was like, how is that happening . Like, my arms didnt grow in the last two seconds. And then other times where i would be sitting at full draw, and i would be expanding and trying to expand, expand, expand through the clicker, and i couldnt get there. So it was embarrassing and confusing, and i felt like i didnt know why it was happening, and i felt like, ok. You know what . Im just gonna draw my bow back without an arrow in it just to get the feeling of what being at full draw comfort really feels like. So i take a deep breath, and i draw my bow back without an arrow, and i couldnt hold on to the string. So without an arrow in it, just bam let go of the string. [thwack] its a really horrible sound, and all the eyes in the room went on me, and at that point, it was like i was done. [laptop chiming] i remember my teammate nick having similar issues that were never discussed. Hows it going, bud . Nick good. For me, the situation was that id get to here, and i couldnt draw back to my faceit would just come here and just shake. Id have to, like, draw down, and im like, what is going on here . Like, it doesnt even make sense. I have all the strength. I have all the ability. I know the technique. Ive shot it a million times, and now i canti cant even do it. Kristin for me being at the training center, i almost had this additnal feeling of, like, guilt that, like, i have all this opportunity to trn and to shoot well, and, like, thiss all i have tdo, and yet i cat do it. Wt the what the hell wrong wh me . Nick it sucks to be in that boat. I mean, that happened to me. I lost all my funding. I cant even fathom what it would be like to have millions of dollars on the line. Kristin looking back, its obvious that i had target panic. As the olympics approached, it got worse and worse. I fought as hard as i could in the year leading up to the u. S. Olympic trials, but i missed the team by two spots. My whole world fell apart. I wasnt the person i believed i was. The season was over as was my chance at the olympics. My ranking continued to fall along with my scores. I lost my identity, my income, my faith in myself, and before long, i lost the only thing i had left, my love for shooting. Whoa smoked it. I had nothing to show r those years of hard work and sacrifice, and i left unsure if i was capable of accomplishing anything. Only with time did i become curious about target panic. I sought out anyone who would talk about it. Man, on p. A. once we have picked up arrows, please report back. Kristin i was a member of a World Championships team in 2009. Im trying to look into target panic. Man target panic is horrible, absolutely horrible. Man two target panic . Kristin yeah. Man two oh, my gosh. Its the devil. Man 3 target panic was the worst. Man 4 people think if they talk about it theyll get it again. Man 5 i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. Its debilitating. I consider myself a pretty smart guy, and to see me mentally break down, like, wow and then you see it in other people, and, oh, you just feel pity and just want to give them a hug and go its gonna be ok. Man real target panic is when you cannot aim at the target. You can either freeze off to the side. You freeze down below, up high, and then you jerk it and cant let go. You can aim right at the spot, but you cant let go man 6 i think everybody struggles with it at some point in their career. Man 7 it frustrated me to the point where i would break down. There were times i wanted to quit. Kristin yeah. Man 7 because youre like, how can i get past this . How can i get past this . I know im good at this, but why am i doing this . Kristin theres a similar phenomenon to target panic in almost every sport, a sudden loss of motor control, a hitch, or an athlete freezing midmotion. Based on my own experience, it starts when dozens of unhelpful psychological factors are ingested and ingrained, building layer up on layer until finally there is a physical manifestation. You can see the physical effects, the flinching, the tremors, the inability to aim at the target. You try and try and try to fix the physical symptoms, but really, the cause is buried under invisible layers of misunderstanding, shame, guilt, and fear of failure. Stress about these new symptoms creates more anxiety surrounding the problem, which leads to even more symptoms in a vicious cycle. When i retired, i put all my archery gear into storage, and years later, my desire to shoot still hasnt returned. As painful as it was, i decided to sell everything. I had attached my identity to my performance, and while i had always known there was a possibility i wouldnt make the olympic team, i never excted to be driven away from the sport by something that is barely understood. My hope is that by talking about targetanic we can gain a more compassionate understandg of the fragile connection between our minds and our bodies. Announcer last year, hit. 200 with 2 home runs in 67 games, and franco with his first pitch for ball 1. Announcer james was the calif uhoh oh, my goodness announcer two thats one of those you dont even want to watch. I dont even want to watchlook at this. I mean, whoa. [audience laughing] colbert how can you be this great of an athlete and have a swing that terrible . [sizzlin [bubing] [squea [caw] [cho] [caw] [dpping] [bube] [feet tapping] [sigh] [whining] boy hurry, Carmen Carmen ok. We got to hurry so we can stay on schedule. Here. Take him. Im gonna go put gas. Girl im not going in there. Carmen abril, go take him. Abril look. You take him. Ill fill up the car. Boy hurry. Carmen ok. Wait. Dont touch anything. [pump beeping] boy but why didnt abril want to come . Legos are cool carmen uh, ii dont know. Why do you need all 5 . Boy ill eat one now and save some for later . You can have one, and well give one to abril . Carmen how much was it . Abril i wasnt paying attention. Carmen come on. [engine sputtering] [engine turns over] [engine stops] [sputtering] boy what happened . Carmen i dont know. It was running fine before. Boy hurry. Fix it, please. Abril its a million years old. Maybe it finally died. Carmen cars dont just die, abril. Boy yeah, stupid [smack] carm you didnt touch anything else, right . Abril i dont even know what anything else is. Call somebody. Call the dude in there. Carmen well, hes just a cashier. He probably doesnt know how to fix a car. Abril yeah, but he should know about his own stuff. Like you said, it was fine before we put his gas. Caen ok. Dont think it was the gas, ok . Abril just call the guy. Its probably his fau. Hes selling bad diesel. Carmen diesel . Abril yeah. Diesel gas. Carmen you put diesel, not regular gas . Abril isnt that the same thing . Carmen no. It is not the same thing oh, my. [carmen speaking spanish] uhhuh. Boy hey stop touching stuff abril dont hit me carmen ok. Ok. I love you. Abril stop doing that cut it out, diego. Diego grr just leave me alone abril stop touching me diego i hate you ow get off abril dont touch me. Let go diego get off of me carmen what the. [sighs] abril cant sleep. Carmen i dont what you want me to do about that. [diego murmurs] stop. Abril let go carmen what the. . Abril it was an accident. Carmen ohh. Everything with you is an accident. Abril i didnt mean for any of that today. Carmen i dont get it. You knew how important this was for him, and you still went and messed everything up. What are you doing . Abril im gonna take a walk. Carmen no. Go to bed. Abril carmen, ill be 10 minutes. [carmen speaks spanish] whats the big deal . I can handle myself. Carmen mmm. Y really cant, though, and i dont have the patience or the money to fix anything that youre gonna do tonight. Abril why are you freaking out . Moms not here. You dont have to keep kissing her. Carmen what . You think i take joy fixing your. Mistakes, huh . God. This doesnt earn me gold stars. Abril then what do you want from me . We all cant be as put together as you. Carmen i dont have my. Together abril so then why do i have to . Carmen cause you dont have anything figured out. Abril why is it the worst thing in the world for me to make a mistake, to need help with something . Carmen becausits ok to ask for help when we screw up every once in a while. Its not ok to be a screwup, and, god, you two screw up a lot. Diego i just wanted to show people how fast my car was. I wasnt trying to make it hard for you. I didnt mean it. Im not mad about my car anymore. It was an accident. Abril diego, we didnt mean it. Carmen we were just talking. Im sorry. Diego its ok. Ill try not to do it again. Carmen hey. I sorry, ok . Diego i have to go potty. Carmen uh, yeah. Yeah. Ok. Abril can i fill up . Carmen its ok. I got it. Abril i think i can do it. Carmen uh, itsits fine. Thanks. [carmen sighs] um. Just make sure you use the black nozzle, ok . Come on. Want some candy . Diego ok, but we got to hurry. Carmen ok. Hurley got one there, and 3, 2, 1. Its nice with the air conditioning inside, right . Sofia yeah. [cheerg and apause] [aplane laing] haa ha man heyha ha peaking anish] [tangousic plang] [humming sofia hh heh h heh hueyheh heh sofi ohh. Announcer funding for the kcet fine cut series is generously provided by th we have done ourselves a disservice by not having a talk about death. Oftentimes, they place a foot on the Conveyor Belt of endoflife care and theyre swept away. Most anybody that i know has never experienced a home funeral or a natural burial. They dont know how to do it because no ones offering it. Everybodys life, you leave a legacy. And john would help their family remember that legacy. But also, to put one foot in front of the other