I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. People who absolutely positively have to take a chance. Because you're listening. To. Them. Very long. Story. The mean karaoke. Yes. Kerry I try to remain difficulty but I love that. I like Lauryn Hill. Graduated from college she started her own karaoke shop called Banana Boat But you know when I started my own business I announced. I will create all my job when I would have been age of thought and I'm going to start my 2nd life. Here So she did. In 2000 she flew to Calcutta India taking just a small suitcase she knocked on the front door of an orphanage and started her new life as a volunteer she spent over a year. There then worked with AIDs patients in Thailand and Cambodia and then her work took her to Baghdad on May 1st 2003 the day President Bush made his mission accomplished speech major combat operations. And. Now hopeful went to Iraq even though her home country Japan with the Bigley worn travelers not to go she wasn't with any official aid organization instead she called herself a freelance aid worker. With the Rockies to transport food and medication to hospitals flooded with patients from the battlefield she traveled back and forth from Baghdad and 2 of the hottest remaining areas of conflict the people said you should not go but I went to. So many times because I had a good relationship and even. I had a good friendship with the people in the area and supportive kind generous as she went about to work delivering aid and starting a clinic to help Iraqi street children guerrilla warfare was increasing between us forces in Iraq insurgents all this tension came to the forefront at the 1st battle of. Operation Vigilant Resolve So every time you know my local. Paper from the dock to us it was a meeting we need more. So 3 of us 2 Japanese Johnnie's and me we got a taxi and a driver. The plan was to go to Baghdad. And drive it back to the hospital about an hour away. But you know on the way. There is a gas station many cars are waiting to get the fuel. So. I was surprised of course and my heart is beating so fast. somewhere. They investigate us I use spying for Japanese troops no no no no no. I told them to. A hospital and you can ask a doctor really a locking together but pollution was currently under siege by us forces and there was no way to reach the doctors that. Day to cause us to many places moving investigation moving doesn't remember how many times they were relocated maybe about 8 times in 24 hours through the thin walls she could hear the muffled sounds of children playing so she figured she was being held hostage in someone's house. I don't know I I really hate to mention about this experience but. Somebody came in with a camera. What what what what happening. Forced me to. Lay down on the floor and. Do was to Japanese guys besides me. I felt something on Nic. After Was somebody took me up and they said Ok it's finished Ok Don't worry Doherty nice again but you know I could spend. I studied to read great I went to Iraq I started to like I hate Iraqi people I started to hate my captain. Several days went by and lost track of time we held hostage and I could hear the sound of ass striking especially during the night sometimes you know I felt shaking I thought we were over so. We and not only fighters you re and local families we were so scared. To captors and their families didn't know if they would survive these u.s. Air raids it was during these darkest moments that now when her captors found some common ground. For example I had to many conversations deep talks with the 2 kept us. They are trying to explain how they killed my baby my baby my children de los dare. And the fight of was insisting we had a right to revenge and do we have to pick up the weapons we have to fight so I told them I was understanding how you feeling like that and I saw the victims eyes so the families food lost their families day I was so sad and angry ending I know I really understand but one time they said you can't understand because you don't have the same experiences I said you are accusing the u.s. Troops but you know you're doing the same to me Can you imagine my parents my family's having a same feeling as yours some fight I was so angry you are not muslim you speaking increase you must be spared they started again so then I answered them You have 2 eyes one knows one of hands you know have also 2 eyes nose mouth hands it's same we are human we have same why I came to Iraq because we are human. I don't need any boundary Bordeaux's religion. He said. I can't find another way. There was no options there was no choice. He was sitting on the floor and he was holding a gun but you know he put his gown on the floor and he. Turned on me and he said. How can I be a friend. Of his I was with tears. So I responded. I'm your friend that's why I came to Iraq. So they just kept silence. Next day the guy who was in tears he said we really sink you. He wrote honey really beautiful golden color so really you know special gift. And he handed this book told honey to me. We were so Astana is because Ha How can you imagine to capture gave you a gift. And he said this is for your mom and sister mom and sister I was you know you kind of surprised. And I tried to shake hands with him but you know he's missing so he cover his hands with the scarves and then we shake hands. You know it's a totally totally horrible experience for me but when I was shaking hands with him this is kind of book beautiful moment for me this is a piece of hope. After 8 days. Of covering she expected to walk out to a terminal greeted by. Hard to. Be. More than 150. Protesters. Trying to Hi I just put my head. Really hard hard. So. It's like a. Break in the groups. It's nuts. And. Yeah I actually more shocking more shocking moment for me than my kidnapping in Iraq because you know I could communicate with the people who carried the weapons we. Had a long talk. But you know in my country. We speak same luggage they don't have any weapons. But it's like. No communication. Finally given the chance to address the media could do with down in shame and with her family thinking she said sorry I keep. I believe you felt uncomfortable. I feel like a different person I couldn't I couldn't be brave person anymore I believed in I couldn't smile anymore. She couldn't check or email or watch t.v. Being attacked. I felt for the 1st time I was dead because I was really uncomfortable living in Japan in my own country. I felt like I left my soul in Iraq my home my family checked all the letters. Oh my gosh more the hundreds and then they separated threats and support so that now I just sold to one of them is a poor scars but it was really shocking because now I found not my name I found my family name on that letter punishes them. So I was really shocked because you know Ok I accept it punishment but in no not for my family I got a panic and I cry then my mom came to me and they. Just stopped me and go back to Giordano. And do you need to continue. So I was awakened. And I decided to leave Japan after 4 months packed up her belongings and without telling her family she moved to Jordan and then Fallujah definitely I wanted to go to a cemetery of the victim to make a pray my friends took me to the cemetery it was suck our yard it's like a 1000 or so to. Suckle yard she wandered around a field and randomly knelt down by one of the Tombs he looked at the name of the tombs and I checked the date it was the exact same date what I was whole stage these are 16 walk killed by just asked striking. I kneeled down on the ground and I poured the water. After I poured the water I made a prayer in my style and my Iraqi friends day or so making the pray Indes. I was feeling my heart it's beating so much to look like this because you know done my time was stopped in 2004 I left my soul my life in Iraq. So my clogged started again Tut tut. Big banks to Cottle for sharing her story of the snap amazingly in spite of that the whole continues to do her good work in Iraq and Jordan. Emergency relief for families who've lost their homes to the ongoing violence to the street here of mine and we have a link to what she's up to step judgement or watching the original score for the piece by Davey Kim produced by Davy triple threat kill. Returns one man has some serious serious blaming. The episode. Day. A device designed to reward. Learn more. Now that's. When I was. Putting it down. And she gave me the name of a friend of hers Dr Mary Ellen Griffin who did past life regression and told me try it yourself and see if you still take as a silly I said I do it. Well actually I and the next day I woke up an awful lot more clear headed and sober not just stupid I'm not doing this. But it seemed like from that day on I ran to Kathy constantly and when I'd see or she'd always ask me Have you made it on which. I got tired of making excuses every time I saw Kathy So finally I decided wild I'll do it. But I also decided I was going to take my own taper for a long record of session so I could bring it back to Kathy and sure it was. A place off you want evidence you want proof before you make any claims. And so I basically made the point to go see a doctor get her to have a past life regression. Dr Chris off of it kind of dark dingy building I sat down on the couch which was most uncouple couch I got ever set on. That graph a very nice lady had a kind of a funny kind of musical sing song you type voice. And she told me close your eyes and we started talking said Ok we're ready to go. She said can imagine a balloon now I was sitting there and there's a window to my right and I could see a big purple circle of course I knew it was just a light to the window at the right door I see a purple bull and. She said Ok imagine yourself getting in a balloon and take it up and go and try to Maginnis for. She said land a balloon tell me what you see. And say nothing I now think most of his or her day dream not mine then nothing happened. And she kept saying Ok land the balloon tell me where you're at what you see. Those least a dozen times. And she finds out there's 12 steps we're going down to the valley and there's 12 steps. And she ghost Well well it will lavender have a. Nice numbers get longer and slower and drawn out and but when she reached one something really bizarre happened something really stunning. Also not I was in a valley. But I don't think I'd be I just imagined I was in a valley or a dangerous Valley I was in a valley. It was vividly clear I could see the leaves on the trees I could see the veins in the Leafs. Through a breeze my face. So dark Griffith asked me says look down ascribes up to me. And I look down I can see a pair of Dirty Harry legs and doxy I was wearing dirty matted fur my left hand I was carrying a piece of trail and. The whale obscene I'm a cave man. Between each episode there to be a light up high above you. She said Go into the light. Like the late 1900 cars or horse drawn carriages and gas lights. And I could. See it's an artist studio. And the room is just filled with dozens of paintings. At that moment I was painting a portrait it was a portrait of a hunchback woman. Her back was very very primed the painting and I was just putting the very last touches on it. And I told Dr Griffith that I want to take one last look at one of my paintings she says tell me what you regret about this life. We didn't have children come wife could have. But then rather I said it. The tape recorder I brought along clicked off note my eyes and that was it the obsession was over. Is there anything particular that's going through your mind right then. You really had to think it was assault me. Because I like my life the way it was was very grounded very So I didn't want to sort the stuff. By prove that it means everything I believe my whole life believe and how the universe works is wrong I have to completely stop take back everything I've been told to trash can I bring a new beliefs. So Ok what happens after this did you do you see Kathy I called Kathy on the phone and told her I said well that I had seen some very interesting things she was very gracious I think she realized she didn't push or anything she is a thank you very much but I think she could read between the lines I becoming obsessed about this and I'm a day as a police officer I know when people have of so a really deep of sessions is seldom turns out well. It was probably a month or so afterwards for I fantasised look up you've got to somehow. So my idea was I would go damn public library. I would start thumbing through their art books by the way this was in 1992 when you did research you had to go down to library and post books off the shelf. I figured it would take me a long case closed go back to your life the way it was. Tortured of hunchbacked women could there be. It took me several months. Not only lunch hour but weekends and how many. Hundreds hundreds. For $500.00 books at least. And I went to every book to a public library and I went through it all the books every inch bookstore had I went to a half dozen bookstores right now plus I went to number our garden topped at our doorstep to see if I could find the paintings. And so I thought I would write to give up yet. So finally made it as a last resort I finally back Dr Griffith for a 2nd session I thought maybe if I could go back and have her access the artist life I could find more information and she took me back to several past lives were very vivid that they were here they were all so far back in history you know you could decide whether you think it's real or not real. And so you know every time she tried to take a Doris life nothing happened. And was over I ask her why she's it's your enormous thing you need to know. All the of this ahead I had followed it to its end and it had lead anywhere. It was a cold case. So I had told anyone I thought it would be an unsolved mystery I simply take to the grave with me it was getting towards my wife and I was anniversary so we decide to go to New Orleans. Our last day in New Orleans I suggested we go window shopping in the French Quarter. And I noticed as we're walking down Royal Street the galleries are getting smaller and the pain is much more obscure to finally get on to a gallery at the very end of Royal Street and there's a. Porter Nani's on the corner and I will buy and give it a glance and then I stopped like I had gone into a glass wall. And I spun around in a support to the hunchback woman. I can still see every brush stroke and it was identical heart was beating I could feel the Trista running up my arms and my stomach. Problem for 4 or 5 minutes I just. One of the workers in the ark area of the saw me started painting and thought here's a sail. Over to me and says Better take I said Look at your fireplace arches. So I ask him I says I don't recognize your artist I says to who is a artist so he said hang on a 2nd. It's a walker was a desk and come back he had a low by a probably oh maybe 5 or 6 sentences. And I said j Carol back with born 1852 died in 1970. Talks are reading a biography and I found 5 different things that I had seen in her aggression. So I asked the director until I saw a scene is playing somewhere before I said Has it been exhibition somewhere he said now always had this have been a private collection for years to be honest but he said Beckwith wasn't that good or that famous says I so much as go pretty cheap so I. Knew it was like $5000.00 for my wife would have killed me. But done it came downstairs and we left and but I felt good now I had a name date of birth date death I could go back to reopen as this case no longer on the shelf. The next day we're back in Apple's I went down to the public library and I started researching on j. Carroll back with the you simply was not that famous or that good that kind of bugged me I thought women how could I know these things about him if he sat well unknown. I haven't gone to a book and to bury bottom of the page was a footnote to said this information came from the diaries of change Karabakh with better kept on file for the National Campaign to sign in New York City. A letter to basically asking the food that they were available to look at. I was willing to die or to come I went through and listened to the tape of my regression. And I made a list of various things I had set dates places causes of death what have you that could be proved is true and I found I had 28 things. When I was looking for just point wasn't more proof about back what I was looking for I want to find one or 2 disproving things for example I had said we could have church about wife could have children now if he had kids that what if this is not true members this is not real why is it so important that you disprove that what happened in your question is real why don't you just want to prove that if I prove recurrences real to gain you have to throw away all your thoughts about how the universe works and I'm certain I don't do that let's I've got some solid solid evidence. So I thought maybe I'll have my wife I'll talk to her and see what she thinks about the whole idea maybe she can see some I didn't see. My wife thought I was nuts she said Ok hang on says I'll look in this case I'll find if make up back what you didn't know was there my wife was a. Very excellent attack here Dad she's our look in the case and sheets are looking intently into it and she didn't find a single thing not a single thing I hadn't found nothing. She told me very plainly hooked by Ok forget about don't tell nobody but me can't use don't go talking about Tess but that was a. Solid advice and it really was if I would approve this or not this would cause all kind of turmoil in my life as a police officer or minister. But I could let it go. I spent a year I read every single page of backwards diary every single page there were $17000.00 pages of diary. And I found out there sure enough his wife had had a very very serious miscarriage and that's that she could have children. He talked about his mother being in church and having a stroke caused by blood clot and dying that he died 970 drank wine I saw myself dying a large city he died in New York City that is fine despite the fact I can't find one fact that agree with what I had seen. As done by an approving all $28.00 facts every single one. Every single thing I had said during aggression was right Backus life. There is no doubt this case is solved Do you believe in reincarnation now. Absolutely I mean how must you explain how when I have Carole back west memories my mind. Police officer you always look for the simple 2nd nation because 99 percent of time is the right one the simple Texan nation is a carry back with memories my mind so you know how important is reputation when you are the police commander. You're the backbone the place Department and so here your reputation as a police commander is very very important you want to have an image in the community of strength and stability and all it could basically interrupted mobility in the police department if you started talking about things that were really accepted as what a police captain should believe in to seem like too important story to keep quiet so many things happen so much information came from so many unexpected sources. My wife was really dead set against me doing this she was positive it would damage my career and she was right it turned out what happens when you come out to the public about what happened to you. At various publicity about it and each time I do it it would really upset the command staff more and then she what happened is even though I would had last year I was in homicide we had 83 percent clearance rate and our murder rate was a lowest I've been 20 years they'd move me either and put me on to a system service desk where people come to get photographed or get fingerprinted so they put me in a dead end job hoping I would retire my career basically flatlined after that do you wish that you had never stepped into that office you know I don't know we all have often thought that about which we had been happier but that's probably the best that was in the point of my life so the case is solved right so what did you do to mark the occasion when I was in New York I found out the dead Beckwith scrapbooks read a New York Historical Society and I found out he was buried in Quincy Co cemetery which is up in Valhalla New York. And I thought. 2 I didn't realize I don't. Do this. Fast. And I can feel. My fingertips. Panic. I can't. Deal with the present. 'd 'd math. That. Just returns the most of any person has ever come at any time seriously and you've got a friend of judgments you that's his being in the background going to take you out the back patting rock there's more sports on goods coming up right after the break stay. Cool. Want to make a meaningful impact in your community become an ira certified. Volunteer with us and make a powerful impact in the lives of individuals and families and. Help them get back the money they deserve a tax time there's no accounting or previous tax training necessary to learn more and sign up United Way. Or call the Volunteer Network at 70746 to. Movies for radio. We. Want to get caught up in the characters and wonder what's going to happen next we like it when the stories are funny with twists and big feelings at some point. People in all kinds of communities. That we're on a community like. This. Sunday morning. To feature. Where I live which was the suburbs of the suburbs of the suburbs it was. The freeways and I hated it. And as a kid growing up in. They were hot. Greenhouses on wheels I am the only one riding the bus into the bus or so bad nobody writes in protest I decided I would sit in the seat reserved for elderly and . So there I was and here comes the guy he looks like he's about a 100 years old he's walking with a cane and says to the bus driver. It's a quarter 25 guy reaches in his pocket. 5101112 that's it I see my whole life passing before my eyes it will be spent on this bus now with a whole bus to sit on he wants to sit where I am so I move over to the side I scoot over and he sits and the e.u. Looks me up and down and then it does an odd thing he reaches into his shopping bag and he pulls out the orange which he holds up for me to look at and finally he says but do you think and I look at the orange and say I think it's an orange He said Yes it's annoying but what do you think of it well I took the orange and I looked at it and of course pretty much it's an orange the orange for a long time and he finally said you don't understand do you he said you know I I'm not from around here. He said I came from Germany after the war. Yeah I learned about the war in. He said did you learn about the place I came from a place called Auschwitz. They said in fact they actually read an article about it there was a big sign over the front that said Work makes free very when you read the article . They tell you it was black and white. Pictures in the article were black and white. But the place was in black and white he said no it was black and white. So what I mean is that the guards were black black uniforms with black shiny boots and you could look at your face in the reflection in the band sing you'd see a pale white face and there on the skin when numbers look he pulled up his sleeve and he said You see these numbers they're blue now but when they bring them in they were black. Everything was black white green the fence was black the sky was gray the snow would fall one day it would be white the next day the ashes from the smokestacks would turn it gray. But what I most remember was the food was great in a big barrel they would cook maybe 8 or 9 potatoes and boil them till they dissolved and you'd get one bowl of this each day the black metal bowl and if you got a piece of but they go you were lucky so this was what we did we worked we waited for Gray soup and tried to stay warm now to stay warm I would look for paper I could stuff the paper in my shoes or put it inside my black and white paper uniform to stay warm and it was one day I was looking near the fence and in what I see there was a piece of paper like newspaper I lifted the paper up. And there in the center was something that I saw I had to stare at because I couldn't believe what it was I reached down I grabbed it and they hid it in you have done to stand whatever treasure this was if someone had seen it would have killed me just to take it they had this orange inside my clothes and in the barracks they hit it in the crack in the wall that night while everyone slept I took it out and I held it in my hands and you have to understand how I don't react with. Nothing but water for 6 months I want to eat that orange like you would eat an apple but I know that if I did I would have nothing. So instead a. Rule did between my hands I took my fingernail and they scratched it that orange and they smelled it as a smell then orange it was not in Auschwitz anymore it was in the land. My cousin had there before the war and he had written hair grow oranges and the smell of these oranges fills the air it's the smell of freedom. In my eyes a I was back in Auschwitz. I couldn't eat the orange I put it back and the next night it took it out again and again scratched it in again smelled it and I told myself I wouldn't eat it until after a very bad day well you didn't have to wait long in Auschwitz for a bad day. Came a few days later a selection a guard stood at the front of a long line had a gun with a bayonet down the end he would stare at the person in front of line and he would point to right left those sent to the left went to the showers and they never returned those to the right back to the barracks. He looked at me. Right. That night I gathered those around me in the barracks. And they said I have something. And they brought it out for them. RINGBACK 'd 'd and each one that of freedom. Before long came spring finally the snow melted and there through the cracks in the cement plants came up to and the green plants to the guards they were weeds to us they were colored. Eventually the war ended and I came here but you see that orange it and saved my life. With that the bust up. He got up and he said young man remember this week things in life. When you. Find out more about the world of job an easy It story Page dot com The original sound design for that story was by Russell Glorio it was produced by Stephanie food. It's about their time. But when I need more I need more storytelling in my life field and that's why I will never leave you alone it's not that I won't suffer episodes are there for the past week including the never released on the radio snap judgment twilights Special Agent Stu that such a special described the snap podcast staff judgment w.r.g.a. To get a high to stitch on Google Play on Sound Cloud get it now before the man finds out to take it that snap judgment was produced by the team that takes a leap of faith each and every week please say hello to the producer this democracy which. Our resident beat master Pat. I'm Allison down and it's coming up this week on 51 percent Monday morning.