What about my fridge . What can the iron chef do with a can of bud light and a pickle. Heres the thing, you want to impress me, make a show called high chef with the stuff in my fridge [ laughter ] this is how it would work. You get eight hours to make something. Because the first four theyre just looking for pans. Theres got to be pans. And the other guys like theres a pan in your hand, man. And the judge is snoop dog, and hes taking the food and is like damn, paprika on the pringle [ barking ] its depressing. I watch shows i used to like as a kid and now i dont know how i felt about them. My favorite show when i was 8 was dukes of hazard. When i was 12 i learned about the confederacy. Why didnt anyone tell me i had a proslavery lunchbox . [ laughter ] how do you think it felt when you have two young black kids going, just the good ol boys, never meaning no harm. [ laughter ] you still have roommates . My roommates are idiots. They call everything gay, like were still in sixth grade. And it wouldnt even make sense. We were in mcdonalds, my roommate goes, dude, you cant finish your fries . Youre so gay. What . Like gay people cant finish their fries. All over west hollywood, guys are going can be excuse me, could you wrap these up . Theres just too many fries. They know this is a gay neighborhood. Why would you make so many fries . Is there a straight portion of fries . [ laughter ] i have a problem sleeping. I dont sleep a lot, man, and the thing about sleeping is that people that sleep naked kind of bug me. I dont dig that. A lot of people in relationships, your girlfriend has you sleeping naked with her. Dont do that. Youre all balled up and naked. No, thats not cool man. Guys listen to me. This is very important. [ laughter ] make sure you have some kind of closing on man. Period. With nikes on. You have to be ready if somebody breaks in your house. Its not cool if you fight looked. Doesnt look right. See, i wish i would break into somebodys house and they were butt naked. I would just use a belt. Pow wheres the money . Pow wheres the money . With my like i might break into the wrong mans house. Wheres the money . I have no idea. [ laughter ] i just finished eating some fries. Were going to take a break. Dont go nervous whitening will damage your teeth . Introducing listerine® healthy white™. It not only safely whitens teeth. But also restores enamel. Lose the nerves and get a healthier whiter smile that youll love. Listerine® healthy white™. Power to your mouth™ [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. Ride away by roy orbison begins to play i ride the highway. Im going my way. I leave a story untold. He just keeps sending more pictures. If youre a freerange chicken you roam free. Its what you do. 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Any single people out there . Yeah [ applause ] on purpose. On purpose. Not that you cant get anybody. Its different when you can. I like being single. Its great. Yeah because you can have real horrible dates. Im serious, you can go to mcdonalds, and just chill out and have a value meal because i value our love baby. Pick your box, baby. You got to sound sexy like pick your box, girl. Can i have apple pie . Is it in the picture . You get whats in the picture, okay . [ laughter ] good thing i got a bikini wax. I got to say this before no one in the world cares anymore. Mel gibsons excuse made no sense to me. He said it was because he was drunk. How can you say that . Im starting to hate the jews. Thats a bigtime buzz. Are you sure . What do you think about the jews . I think they may have started all the wars. Give me your keys dude give yes your keys. And then mel gibb sons runs from the cops. Wheres he going to go . Calling all cars be on the lookout for mel gibson. 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Care makes a man stronger. Flight 9525 was no accident. Authorities searched the home of Andreas Lubitz who has appeared to have intentionally flown the plane. Downtown devastation. A gas explosion levels a building in new yorks east village leaving more than a dozen people injured. I heard this incredible sonic explosion. You could feel it. It was like reverberating. A National Guardsman under arrest accused of plotting a deadly u. S. Military base inspired by the deadly assault in paris. And sweet su