Where there is not an actual connection, where there is smoke, there is fire, and theres so much smoke. Okay, thats less dumb, but it not what a frog would say. Next. Action. As a teenager i would go up to people at rocks and hammers and baseball bats and hammers and, of course, many people know the story when i was 14 and i had tried to stab someone. How did you get in here . Security action. The American Dream is dead. Okay, remember, kermit is a beloved character. Can you Say Something that everyone will love . We need a new president fast. Perfect, youre hired. cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, we welcome john oliver. Mike birbiglia, and michael showalter. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen hi, how are you . Whats going on, chris, please have a seat, please have a seat, everybody. Welcome. cheers and applause hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show, im your host, Stephen Colbert. Let me ask you something here. Let me ask you a personal question. Everybody feeling good . cheers and applause well, clearly, clearly you do not work in the white house. laughter because it is wednesday, and you know what they call that at the white house, we are so humped day. laughter let me explain to you why. Let me remind you, recap the last couple of days. You know the whole Trump Campaign colluded with russia to influence our election and the didnt happen, dont know what youre talking about. laughter well, turns out it did, and they do, because yesterday donald trump, jr. Released emails explicitly detailing an invitation by the russian government to collude, and his enthusiastic acceptance, i love it oh, oh, don, not as much as i do. laughter cheers and applause delicious. Yeah, yeah. Now listen, just to give you, okay, so that was yesterday, that was yesterday, we have had a full news cycle. To give you a sense of the fallout, let me present you with a bouquet of early blooming headlines. The white house is paralyzed. And im pretty sure trumpcare does not cover that. laughter lets see another one, ready . Here we go. piano riff heres another headline. The white house is facing a category 5 hurricane. And remember, republican president s have a spotty track record when it comes to dealing with hurricanes. audience reacts but, obviously, obviously, thats not fair. Those were the Washington Post and cnn. How about hearing from someone on their side, try the New York Post. Donald trump, jr. Is an idiot, yes. Yes. applause yes, keep in mind, keep this in mind, and i mean this, they are defending him. Because the alternative to idiot is inmate, and its hard to argue that point. Donald trump, jr. Is quickly rising to the ranks of americas most embarrassing Donald Trumps. laughter things are so bad, things are so bad, check out this tweet of staffers and white house visitors placing their hands on President Trump and praying for him today. laughter okay, either that, either that or they are playing hands on a soft body. laughter whoever keeps their hand the longest gets to fire robert mueller. laughter so with his agenda in tatters, with his white house paralyzed, in turmoil, with his family in disgrace, the president did the right thing, and headed to france tonight. France, and its understandable, thats his safe space. Trump is like jerry lewis over there, in that he seems like an idiot, because this proof of the Trump Campaigns collusion may have cost the president something he loves even more than his son. It will cost him his favorite catchphrase, because last night one white house advisor admitted the russia story will get worse and worse and you cant just really say any more fake news. cheers and applause yeah. You cant. You just cant say it any more. Cant say it. I know how donald trump is going to feel about that. Sad. laughter so tonight we bid a fond farewell. We are fighting the fake news. Its fake, phony, fake. You notice now theyre using, everybody is using the word fake news. Where did you hear it first, folks . Its all fake news, its phony stuff, it didnt happen. Fake news, cnn. Fake. Whoops, the camera just went off. cheers and applause stephen so cheers and applause im crying fake tears. laughter so, pretty much everybody agrees, trump, jr. Was dumb to tweet this stuff. And the smart thing to do would be just to shut up. So last night he went on fox news laughter and explained why he is not responsible for any of this. Someone sent me an email. I cant help what someone sends me. Stephen yes, he cant help. He has to do whatever it says in an email. That is why his apartment is full of nigerian princes and boner pills. laughter you are going to want to keep them apart. applause you are going to want to keep those two, keep those two apart. Plus this was way last summer. It was a totally different time. This is pre, like, russia fever, prerussia mania, this is 13 months ago before the rest of the world was talking about that. Stephen yeah, he colluded with the russians before people were talking about russian collusion. laughter okay . Thats like saying, yeah, i fired a gun at that guy but that was before everybody was talking about this whole murder trial, all right . How did i know . cheers and applause what am i supposed to besides, i mean, the meeting was a dud. It was literally just a wasted 20 minutes which was a shame. Stephen yeah, it was all on his yelp review, one star, did not deliver treason to table, would not collude again. piano riff and applause its going to be harsh for her business. Shes going to have trouble shaking that one off. Ive got some news for you, don. Just because you didnt get your secret russian intel doesnt mean youre the good guy here. You never heard the pervs on to catch a predator say, wait, what is with the cops, i brought wine coolers, what a wasted 20 minutes. laughter cheers and applause wait, what, why, where am i going, whats happening . But don, jr. Did learn an important lesson from all this. In retrospect, i probably would have done things a little differently. I know more now, but hindsight is always 20 20. Stephen hes right, hindsight is 20 20. And i think a lot of voters will be using hindsight in 2020. cheers and applause and meanwhile piano riff and meanwhile, of course, of course the white house is defending don, jr. One official said, he just wants to hunt, fish and run his familys real estate business. Yes, why did we force him to get into politics . You know he would rather be in a forest pursuing his first love, brawny man cosplay. laughter another, another laughter another anonymous source said, the kid is an honest kid. Okay, pump the brakes a little bit here. This kid is a 39yearold man. laughter and i got to say, its never a good sign when the person sticking up for you wants to remain anonymous. laughter don, jr. Is a good person, wait, youre not going to use my name, right . Even bill oreilly rose from the nonspin crypt laughter tweeting it was tabloid guy set him up with a russia lawyer who promised hillary dirt, she didnt deliver. Leave it to bill oreilly to find a way to blame the only woman in this story. The president cheers and applause yeah, yeah. Clearly shes a collude tease. laughter now, the president has been noticeably quiet through all of this, in part because his schedule is unusually light. And hes been watching tv and venting about the investigation. Light . Trump has spent half his presidency golfing. How much lighter can his schedule get . Sir, you have to get up, its time to go to bed. laughter but, but, the president denies there is any trouble. Tweeting this morning, the white house is functioning perfectly. Focused on health care, tax cuts slash reforms and many other things. I have very little time for watching tv. I got to say, its not exactly comforting when the person in charge starts randomly assuring you that everythings just fine. This is your captain speaking, the plane is functioning perfectly. We are focused on flying, landing, and many other things. I have very little time for watching tv. Meanwhile cheers and applause meanwhile, President Trump himself is going through a news scandal. I had to change my emotional state there. Is going through a news scandal of his own. Yesterday there were some shocking revelations from former Celebrity Apprentice and spare tilda swinton, clay aiken. laughter according, according to clay aiken, trump didnt make the decisions to fire people on Celebrity Apprentice, the shows producers from nbc made those calls giving trump instructions through a teleprompter on his desk that looked like a phone. Donald trump didnt even call the shots on his own tv show. Hes not the, youre fired, guy. That is the second catch phrase he lost in one day. laughter the implications, obviously cheers and applause jon youre fired stephen i know i know, the implications here are enormous. Maybe, maybe he wasnt the one who decided to fire gary busey after his mechanical dog idea. Maybe it wasnt Donald Trumps idea to have Latoya Jackson and lil jon work in a pizza parlor for charity. Oh my god, oh my god. Donald trump may not be qualified to be president. laughter cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. John oliver is here. Stick around. When i was too busy with the kids to get a repair estimate. I just snapped a photo and got an estimate in 24 hours. My Insurance Company definitely doesnt have that. You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™ Liberty Mutual insurance. Are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. And were gonna get the phone his phone,ry sorry. Uh out of you. The important thing is that were going to make you better. voiceactivated doubletone okay. Heres how to make butter. Pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning. Snickers® satisifes. With at t you can get your entertainment right here. Right now, when you get the incredible iphone 7 from at t you can get unlimited data and live tv. The channels you love. Your favorite shows and movies. Making your iphone into more of a. Oh my tv is ringing. Hey. Im in the middle of a. A second iphone from at t . Okay right now when you buy a new iphone 7 from at t youll get a second iphone 7 on us. And power both with unlimited data and live tv. Get on up, mama. Get on up. Do what you want. Do you want, let the record hop. Degree motionsense. Ultimate freshness. With every move. The more you move, the more it works. Degree, it wont let you down. Woman so this happened. Zoe brought over some limearitas to avas rooftop and thats when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. Thats elyse busting out her dance move from summer of 08. Looks like were staying here tonight. Limearita. Make it a margarita moment. New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin stephen thats right, thats right. Jon, listen man, im super excited, i want to remind everybody watching out there that next week is our russia show, all week long pieces we shot in russia. Here is the thing, i dont know if i told this to you but i was talking to chris about this about when we were talking about when we are going to have our russia week, we have so much material, we shot so much over there, five pieces we shot over there. And we want to have them pretty of all done before they we announce the week. I said if we wait until the 17 of july is anybody going to still be talking about russia. I was actually afraid, really, are people going to care by the 17 of july. And you said probably. So i was wrong. I was wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, im terribly excited because my first guest tonight is the emmy and peabodywinning host of last week tonight, please welcome our friend mr. John oliver. cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen at ease, at ease. Please, as you were. Good evening. cheers and applause good evening to all. Stephen nice seeing you. Yes, and you. Stephen now, i want to thank you for being here because i understand you are here thats little really too many ows laughs stephen well edit some out. No, that is a problem, i acknowledge cheers and applause by drawing attention to it is like giving a child a tambourine, you cannot be trusted with the knowledge of the power you have. With the ow. Stephen well, you are on hiatus right now. Yes. Stephen between seasons right now. Between seasons . Stephen dont you have seasons . Have i been canceled, what . Stephen between seasons. Just between weeks. Were working, but were stephenyou have a show this sunday . No, were working without doing a show. It is the dream. laughter so, were in the office and working, researching but we dont have to do anything at the end of it. So everything is perfect. Stephen wow, and you can get paid for that . cause i actually have to come out here and talk every night. I think thats the mistake. I think, it is the ultimate bank heist, isnt it, not having to actually produce anything at the end of it. Stephen those dragons are paying for everything over there. As long as the dragons are flying, everything is okay at hbo. Have they got defibrillators for those dragons, it is a dragon based economy. Stephen i imagine you took these two weeks off because this is the part of the summer where you go nothing, nothings going to happen. Its always quiet, right . laughter stephen its safe. It is safe. You would have to have an offspring who is so stupid, that is the only cheers and applause and what is the chance of that . Nothing. Nothing. We had we called this whole looming scandal way back in march, we came up with this framing device for stupid watergate, the idea that something with all of the gravitas for watergate but where everybody involved is stupid and bad at everything. It was supposed to be a self contained joke but Current Events are making it more and more relevant which is not normally how jokes work. Stephen right, right, right. Let me ask you something. When trump, jr. Tweeted his emails yesterday. Yeah, he did do that. Stephen without a gun to his head, i might add. Thats right. Stephen the first one said, first one, said this is part of russia, and its Government Support for donald trump. Yeah. Stephen what was your Immediate Reaction . Well, you know, it is probably, wow. And then it is probably followed by the idea, well, this is something, as long as we live in a world where something means anything. And im not sure we do any more. Stephen i know what you mean, yeah. It seems serious, but do we live in a world devoid of consequences now . I forget where we are in human history. Stephen right. That is the kind of mind blowing part, this seems like a seismic event, but it might be nothing. Stephen right, it might be, i was talking with my executive producer, tom purcell, earlier today and we were saying that, you know, i am used to a world where were divided on things like abortion, or taxes, or government control of health care. Polarizing issues, yeah. Stephen polarizing issues. Have we come to a nation where colluding with a hostile foreign power to manipulate our election is a leftright thing . I dont know. Stephen is that it . Is that where we are . But the very fact you just said that sentence out loud showed that we are turbo bleep . laughter piano riff just the fact that you can say that thats what i found amazing was his confidence in saying this is nothing. And i dont know what is he referring to there, the contents of the emails, the contents of his head. If it is the second one, i agree, if it is the first, i fiercely disagree. But i cant even fathom how his lawyer must have felt, i tweeted it out, it is nothing. Oh, but thats a lot. laughter stephen the most nothing ive ever seen it is a massive amount of nothing. And if you dont understand that, its even bigger. I cant i think i dont want to be your lawyer any more. laughter this isnt fun for me stephen i think his lawyer, you know what his lawyer needs . A lawyer. Do you think they just dont understand . Because it seems selfevident. It seems selfevident, people like trey gowdy or the New York Post saying this is, yeah, this is not good. laughter but again, the fact were at a point where we are going, do you think they understand . Is it possible theres not a logical sequence of thoughts in their minds that have made them understand the gravity of the situation theyre in. The fact that we are wondering that, and you wonder it not just with this issue but with a lot. Are they just too dumb to realize whats happening . And the answer is not definitely no. laughter stephen you dont know. You dont know stephen that is the most chilling thing about this, you actually dont know. That is what is making this a roller coaster time in american history. Stephen yeah. Well, speaking of american history, russia, because yeah, yes, welcome home. Stephen exactly. Well done. Stephen you heard me saying earlier when i was introducing you here, that we delayed putting our russia stuff out because there was so much stuff to go through, and some of it literally had to be translated. And so i was worried it wouldnt be relevant three weeks on. You went to russia. You interviewed Edward Snowden when you were there. A couple of years ago. Stephen how long were you there. I was there for the least amount of time we could possibly be there, because the russians were angry we were there. And the americans were angry that we had gone. And it was just it was the most terrifying around 36 hours ive spent. Stephen did you go to moscow, st. Petersburg, where just moscow. So we landed, and its just a group of terrifyinglooking people in your hotel. At the best of times, Large Russian men have arresting face of international hitman. At the best of times. Stephen absolutely. I called them like extras from john wick, that is what it feels like in the lobby of our hotel. Literally it will be in the lobby. You checking in, i think this man could break me with his eyes. laughter stephen right. Snap me in twain. Stephen and there is one outside your hall. You are being followed all the time. Stephen followed by the f. S. B. , the new k. G. B. Is the f. S. B. All the time you think im just being paranoid, then you realize its worse, im not being paranoid, im seeing the things i think im seeing. Stephen were you followed by the americans over there . We found russian, they went into my room, messed with my stuff, there was a guy drilling in my ceiling at 3 00 in the morning, obviously just sitting there going, this will frighten him, and im lying there thinking youre right, i am, im frightened. Can you please stop and sleep. You have achieved your goal. My producer found someone in his hotel room, and he was near the window and he said, you called downstairs to have your window opened. laughter its february, were in moscow, you have to try harder than that. laughter stephen hold on one second. We have to take a little break. Sounds good. Stephen well be rate back with more john oliver, stick around. cheers and applause i make it easy to save 600 on car insurance, so being cool comes naturally. Hmm. I cant decide if this place is swag or bling. Its pretzels. Word. Ladies, you know when you switch, you get my bombdiggity discounts automatically. No duh, right . [ chuckles ] sir, you forgot keep it. Youre gonna need it when i make it precipitate. What, what . What . What, what . Whats going on here . Um. Im babysitting. Thatll be 50 bucks. You said 30 dollars. Yeah, well it was 30 before my fees, like the dogsitting fee. And the rummage through your closet fee. Who is she, verizon . Are those my heels . Yeah yeah, were the same size. In shoes. With tmobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just 40 bucks each. And now get zero down on the hottest smart phone brands like samsung galaxy. More reasons why tmobile is americas best unlimited network. You need parts ive nevert sleep, yoeven heard of. Ss and its going to cost you a fortune. When life keeps you up. Zzzquil helps you fall asleep in less than 20 minutes. Because sleep is a beautiful thing. Yo and you probably do. Rt youre a beautiful thing. Sc johnson. cheers and applause stephen were back, everybody, with the lovely and talented mr. John oliver, joining us here on our program already in progress. Yes. Stephen i understand, correct me if im wrong here, and i dont know how much you can talk about this, but you know what i am going to ask about here, because you already decided not to talk about it. Uhhuh. Stephen you are being sued right now. Yes. Stephen by a coal company. Uhhuh. Stephen what can you tell me . cheers and applause i cant. I promised. laughs this is youre torturing me. Stephen what can you tell me . I literally promised my executive producer before i came here i wont talk about it, and now were here. Stephen sure. Well, there are many things that i want to say, im bursting, look into my eyes, there is so much, so much. laughter stephen i know, i know. So much i want to say, stephen. Stephen so let me just say a few things and you sit there. Okay, sure, i will do my poker face. Stephen if you are currently being sued by coal magnate robert murray. laughter you told a story that he received instructions. Oh no, im in so much trouble. Not with the lawsuits stephen that he received instructions on starting his coal company from a squirrel, is that true . Am i in the ball park of getting you sued again . I cant. laughs stephen am i going to be sued for asking you these questions . This is hell. I am in hell right now. All i have is a sequence of thoughts in my head, oh, this would be funny to say, this would be funny, this would be interesting, and then another thing going youre dead if it happens. Stephen do you have a lawyer . Oh, yeah. Stephen it is it is not donald trump, jr. s lawyer, i hope. No. Stephen you have a better lawyer. Youve been sued, right . Stephen i was the first person ever sued at the daily show. Oh, mazeltov. Stephen thank you very much, that is what my lawyer said. laughter i was sued for casually inferring that a retired lawyer in california might have been akin to hitler annexing the sudetenlands, and as a retired lawyer he had plenty of time to sue me. Not a good person to say that about. Did you settle . Stephen we won, we won. Im going to do that as well, oh god, that was too much. laughs cheers and applause stephen youre going to win . Yeah, definitely. Stephen sure. You know what . Just in case. Yeah . Stephen just in case you dont win, did you save the address of where ed snowden is living right now . Because im sure russia would love to have you back. They would love that, they have the drill warmed up and ready. laughter stephen the strangest thing about russia to me is it seems so much like the west. Yeah. Stephen you know what i mean . It is like the uncanny valley of the west. You think its western, and then you go wait, thats not a leaf, thats a spider pretending to be a leaf, you know. There is some weird evolutionary monkey brain that makes you scoot away. Certainly not something that a rational person thinks, i know what i will do, get into a cybersecurity relationship with this country, or ally, hypothetically but that would ever happen. No one would ever suggest that, something that incomprehensibly stupid. laughter it would never happen. We cant live in that world, right . Please tell me that we dont. Stephen i done live in that world. Last week tonight airs sundays on hbo. Not this sunday, but after that. cheers and applause john oliver, everybody. Well be right back with mike birbiglia. Hello, discover card. Hi. Can you tell me about these new Social Security alerts i keep hearing about . Sure, just sign up online. Then well alert you if we find your Social Security number on any one of thousands of risky websites. Wow. Thats cool. How much is it . Oh, its free if you have a discover card. I like free yeah, we just want you to be in the know. Ooh. Hey sushi. Ugh. I smell it youre making me. Yeah, being in the know is a good thing. Know if your Social Security number is found on risky sites. Free from discover. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. Reminds me of how geico hasd been saving people money for over 75 years. Hey, big guy come on in let me guess your weight win a prize sure, why not. 12 ounces sorry, mate. Four ounces. Ive been taking the stairs lately. You win, big guy. Sorry, scuse me oh, he looks so much more real on tv. Yeah. Over 75 years of savings and service. Get your rate quote today. Stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to the show, folks, my next guest is a stand up comedian you have seen in movies like sleep walk with me, dont think twice and trainwreck. Please welcome mike birbiglia. cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen thanks for coming back. Thanks for having me, i love the show. Stephen thank you very much. Listen, man, congratulations, i understand that at the montreal just for laughs festival, which is one of the greatest comedy festivals in the world. cheers and applause its good. Stephen been there a couple times. You are receiving an award this year, standup comedian of the year. I just found that out. Stephen congratulations, thats fantastic. Thanks a lot. cheers and applause thats so nice. Stephen was that, what does that mean to you . I mean its nice, obviously. I feel like there should be more attention put on an award i won a few years ago. I dont want to steal focus, but i brought the photo tonight. Stephen we actually have it right here. It is an award that i received in third grade that i feel like didnt get enough attention. Where i was the cheers and applause third grade. St. Marys school. Stephen st. Marys . One of the good ones. Yeah, author of the month. Stephen author of the month . Look at it, author of the month. I was one of the more sunburned authors in history. laughter stephen john updike never had a tan that good. How does a third grader become the author of the month, what did you have to do to get this . That is a great question. I really didnt, i didnt do much different than the other kids but they didnt give it again. They didnt award it again. Stephen wait, this was the first . The first and last, yeah, yeah. But whats remarkable, it stayed on the wall for four years. And so i was the author of four years. Stephen wow. So i just wanted to bring attention to that. Stephen thats how powerful your month was. Well, you are headlining standup comedian right now, you have made it at this point. Once you, you have got the movies. Once you get standup of the year at the festival, but starting off it can be a grind. I didnt do standup but i toured. Sure, second city. Stephen in your early days, what was some of the tougher gigs . I feel like this, im going to montreal in two weeks, and i feel lucky because im doing my own show, its called the new one. But i remember years ago, i was asked to be in montreal and it was a period of time where it was, where theme nights in comedy were a big way to sell tickets, it would be like its gay comedy night, its urban comedy night, its guys with silly shoes comedy night. And i didnt fit any of those. There wasnt like guy who just talks, comedy. laughter and, and so they stuck me in the italian show. And i stephen birbiglia. Yeah, but im not real italian, im like olive garden italian. Im like olive garden italian. And sometime people pigeon hole you. People be like, in italy its call pronounced birbilia. And im lake in america, youre annoying, but i really was a letdown to these people in montreal because all the other acts were like my uncle enzo was like where is the cannoli, and were like i already told you where the cannoli. And that was the punch line or whatever. And i didnt have that. I would just do these long elaborate stories, like i was sleep walking and theyre like, what is italian about that. And i was like mama mia i was just a letdown. It was but its nice it go back with my own show where its my own thing. Stephen laughs so did you, like one of the things, when i was starting off is, some of the guys who worked with me did it with me. We would drive around the country, you drove from place to place, you are not jet setting when are you starting off. You are in a van most of the time, like a smelly van. Well, i did have a van for a period of time. At first i drove my moms station wagon, and then she took it back. laughter it was a loaner, and i decided to buy, i bought a g. M. C. Conversion van because i wanted to be a high school senior. laughter i wanted to be like, i wanted to be a Popular High School senior. And so i got this black van, and it happened to, not by design, but happened to look a little like the ateam van if you are familiar with this action adventure series from the 80s where its about this group of men who are on the run from the law. Now, this is crucial, for crimes they did not commit. laughter thats what makes it relatable. Stephen sure, sure. If you are watching, they are like us. Did you ever see the show . Stephen yes. I grew up on the show, and in retrospect i realize that was like at the head of the show, these men are on the run from the law for crime for crimes they did not commit. Surely they tested it at some point. Like why would we root for the criminals . And then they are like, i got an idea, lets say its crimes they didnt commit. And then people are like yeah, i like these guys. laughter stephen yeah. But, so i get this van, it looks like the ateam van a little bit so i decide to go full ateam. I go to maaco and i say, can you make this black with a red stripe on the side. Stephen and this actual van. Before i could finish the sentence the guy at maaco goes, ateam van . laughter and then he put his hand up to high five me. applause yes and my brother joe who is here backstage, he and i were driving to canada for this festival probably ten years ago. And we drove through customs, and it looks, the ateam van looks like it has weapons in it. laughter like it like if the customs officer saw it from like a 100 yards away, we are just like, you know what i mean . Just like jackpot, we got the big fish, its over. Stephen yeah. It was a fantasy for them. And so they rip it apart and we were there for two hours, pulling out the seats and the side compartment. But what they didnt realize is that we were convicted of crimes that we didnt commit. laughter stephen full circle. Nothing, they had nothing on me. applause stephen mike, good to see you. Nice to see you. Stephen mikes, the new one comedy tour has tickets on sale now. Mike birbiglia, everybody. Well be right back with michael showalter, all the michaels are here tonight. Why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. Charmin ultra strong. It cleanbetter. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. We, the people, are tired of being surprised with extra monthly fees. We want hd. And every box and dvr. All included. Because we dont like surprises. Yeah. Like changing up the celebrity at the end to someone more handsome. And talented. Really. And british. Switch from cable to directv. Get 4 rooms with hd, dvr, and every box included for 25 a month. Call 1800directv. Woman so this happened. Nikki picked up some limearitas and thats when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. We started hanging a disco ball but then the ball reminded ava of her sequined dress. Now we have two disco balls. Limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Sailin away on the crest of ea wave, its like magic rollin and ridin and slippin and slidin its magic and you, and your sweet desire you took me, higher and higher, baby its a livin thing its a terrible thing to lose introducing the all new volkswagen tiguan. The new king of the concrete jungle. Introducing the new moto z with moto mods. Hello moto. 321 liftoff gasps oh cheering buy the new moto z with shattershield, and youll get a free projector mod. Hello moto. Ladies and gentleman this is a robbery. What are you doing after this . What bad back . Gels work so fast youll ask what pulled hammy . Advil liqui gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, my next guest tonight is a talented writer, a truly gifted director and a beautifully funny and strange comedian you know from wet hot american summer, please welcome michael showalter. cheers and applause stephen you know what, if you sit over there ill just shout if you go over there. Nice to see you. Great to see you as well. Stephen now we do go way back. We go way back. Stephen back to the olden days. Way back. Stephen back to the 90s. Yeah. Stephen we both had sketch shows in the 90s. You had the state. Stephen thats exactly right, packed with talented people over there. Thats right. Stephen one of the drunkest i have ever been was at your wrap party. I remember it well. Stephen you do . I do. Stephen you literally remember . It was in tribeca. Stephen yeah, yeah, yeah and were you serving a drink called the black death. And i decided to have it. I remember it. Stephen then shortly after that i went to my supervising producer here, paul, that night and i said the words, hide me. laughter cause i knew i was not fit for public consumption. So thank you for that. Youre welcome. Stephen one of the most humiliating nights of my entire life. laughter you and i actually did a sketch show together briefly. Yes, we did. Stephen which i had totally forgotten about. Random play. Stephen but you remembered it, and not only that, but did you pay money for these . No, i had that. This is interesting. I had these video cassettes, which i hadnt watched since we made the show, i dont own a vcr any more. Stephen right. This is from 97, Something Like that, this is 20 years old and he actually brought this in tonight and this i havent seen it. Stephen my producers picked a clip of something you and i are doing together on this. Collaboration. Stephen right, collaboration and lets just see what it was. laughter what i am trying to do is find the message behind the meaning. What is this . A pen. Perhaps. Stephen you want to know what i see . An instrument of change. A shell, hardened by fear. Inside a lifeblood that can be spilled in order to transform the world, and my god, when she speaks the words can be earth shattering. What did she say . Stephen look at me, im a pen, i dont know. laughter cheers and applause gone. Lost to the ages. And now were here. So much has changed and yet so little has changed. Stephen yeah. Now youre a big time director. Hello my name is doris was tremendous. You wrote and directed that, right . cheers and applause with sally field, incredible. Fantastic movie. Wet hot american summer, obviously. cheers and applause i did not direct that, i wrote, cowrote and starred in it. Stephen the big sick, the big hit of the summer. cheers and applause it has been called you wrote that. No, i did not write that. Stephen im less impressed. You directed that. I directed that. Stephen it has been called one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time. Hey, really proud of this movie. Kumail nanjiani, emily gordon, it is the true story of how they met. Judd apatow is the executive producer and ray romano and holly hunter, and its out everywhere this weekend. Its like all around the world. cheers and applause i like it like this. laughter i appreciate it, but there is actually like stephen thats how it supposed to be worn. Its cool. Stephen i didnt realize that, let me get hip to the scene. This is like, this is cool. piano riff applause its the cool thing. Stephen you have to give the ladies, you have to give the ladies what they want. Hey, man. Stephen middle age man gut, hello. laughter and of course, now lets get back to wet hot american summer. The very first one was how long ago did you do the first one . 2000. Stephen 2000. And then the sequel took place . Three months, no two months before that movie. Stephen so it is a prequel before that movie even though you guys were decades older. We were 30 then. Stephen you were 30 when you were playing teenagers. 30 playing 16. Then we were like 40 playing a little bit younger than that. laughter stephen yes. And now, the netflix series. Netflix, now its ten years later in the world of wet hot american summer, and so were getting a little closer to our actual age. Were in our mid 20s this season. Stephen in actuality you are in my mid30s. laughter stephen did you go to camp as a child . I did, i went to many camps, but the one that influenced wet hot american summer is a camp called camp mohawk in the berkshire mountains, very small, ramshackle camp just like the one in 40 campers, sleepaway camp, 40 campers. Stephen you have kids of your own now, right . I do. Stephen would you send your own kids to camp, recommend it. I would, i would. Im hoping they go to theater camp. Stephen really . I want them to get into musical theater. I want one to be a tennis player and one to be musical theater. laughter stephen why do you want to split them up that way . So you can decide which one you really love . Yeah, well, its just those are two things that i like to watch. laughter and so applause stephen dance for me, children, dance yes, yes. Stephen great to see you again, man, thanks for being here. cheers and applause the big sick opens nationwide this friday. Michael showalter, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause if what you see then youve hit the jackpot. You cant fake steak. Longhorn steakhouse. Tonights special, the Great American steak dinner for 12. 99. A centercut sirloin with a side, plus a starter, or dessert. And for lunch, try one of our new burgers. Like the bbq bacon burger. Only at longhorn. Stephen thats it for the late show. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, give it up for your host, all the way from pipsquicksquazzy scarf, give it up for your host, the one, the only james corden