Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes paul bettany, Laura Benanti and musical guest tyler the creator, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing stephen nice. Thats nice. Nice. cheers and applause hey, everybody welcome. Welcome to the late show. Imyouim im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause who watched the shark thing . I did. Any of you guys watch it over there . Jon i didnt see it. Stephen it was amazing. And it wasnt real. But it was amazing. But i like a little break from reality right about now. cause have you seen reality . Its scary. Theres blood in the water, and there are a lot of sharks circling the white house. Anyway, they lied to us. Jon oh, oh. Stephen speaking of lying, sean spicer. cheers and applause look how much they miss you, sean. On friday, spicer resigned as White House Press secretary. cheers and applause he wanted to spend more time not answering his familys questions. laughter and like you people out there i am going to miss him. Even from his Humble Beginnings as the easter bunny, we knew how special sean was going to be. Spicer quit on friday because trump appointed a new communications director, former Hedge Fund Manager and lawyer whose ad is above the urinal, Anthony Scaramucci. laughter piano riff of course, when it comes to scaramucci, theres only one question everybodys asking scaramouche scaramouche will you do the fandango stephen yes. That. By which we mean, whats it like working in the White House Communications office . Thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening stephen sounds about right. Now, i think this is not a good sign for the Trump Administration. Six months in, youre already adding a new crazy character. Scaramuccis like adding scrappy doo or chachi. To happy days. laughter hes even got an adorable nickname. The mooch. The mooch. The mooch. The mooch. Mooch. The mooch. Stephen ay, its the mooch laughter hey baby, can we get another round for the mooch, please . laughter so how did the rest of the staff feel about the addition of the mooch . One white house official said we are all super happy, well most of us are. laughter ouch. Thats like getting this card happy birthday from mom and dad. Well, mom. laughter jon whoa stephen based on a true story. piano riff not only did sean spicer resign over the moochs hiring, but a white house insider says, this was a murdering of reince and bannon. They said anthony would get this job over their dead bodies. Thats terrible. Before this, those guys were only dead on the inside. laughter other white house staffers refer to scaramucci as a joke and as a trumpworld hangeron who isnt qualified for the job. Wait. Have you seen the Trump Administration . laughter those are the qualifications for a job. I got his resume right here Anthony Scaramucci special skills being a joke, trump hangingon, and whacking stoolies. laughter cheers and applause stephen oh hey jon hey, hey, hey. Stephen now, however spicer feels about him, scaramucci handled the transition with class, stating i want to thank personally sean spicer, not only on behalf of myself, the president , the administration, but sean is a true american patriot. He is a military serviceman. Hes got a great family, and hes done an amazing job. This is obviously a difficult situation to be in, and i applaud his efforts here and i love the guy and i wish him well. And i hope he goes on to make a tremendous amount of money. Stephen yeah, love ya spicey. Amazing job. Youre going to make a tremendous amount of money while i take your paycheck. Now take your shinebox and get out of here cheers and applause go on jon i dont shine shoes anymore stephen hey this sunday, the mooch hit the ground running with some great ideas for press secretary and Sorority Girl at rave party whos ecstasy just kicked in, cheers and applause laughter Sarah Huckabee sanders. I want to do everything i can to make her better at that podium, i think shes phenomenal there now, but like every athlete training for the olympics every day we got to make ourselves incrementally better. The only thing id ask sarah, sarah, if youre watching, i love the hair and makeup person that we had on friday, i would love to continue to use the hair and makeup person. audience reacts stephen oh, hes going to fit in with the Trump Administration just fine applause hey and you could smile more. Would that hurt so much . Youre so pretty when you smile. laughter scaramucci tried to explain his comment later, saying, for the record, i was referring to my hair and make up and the fact that i like the make up artist. I need all the help i can get humor. laughter all right, take a joke, ladies. The mooch is clearly qualified for this job and im sure hell do great things. Sarcasm. laughter cheers and applause piano riff cause the mooch is already batting down these ridiculous russia investigations you know, somebody said to me yesterday, i wont tell you who, that if the russians actually hacked this situation and spilled out those emails, you would have never seen it. You would have never had any evidence of them. Youre making a lot of assertions here. I dont know who this anonymous person is that said, if the russians had actually done it, we wouldnt have been able to detect it, but it is the unanimous. How about it was how about it was the president , jake . Okay laughter stephen so the president is the one who told you the president s not in trouble . laughter and youre not going to tell us because its anonymous source but we ask and you tell us anyway . Why are we wasting that guy on communications he should be head of national security. Ill never tell you our launch codes. How about three, seven, nine, six, two . Okay . Thats from the mooch. cheers and applause baby, can we get another round, please . I have been waiting. Whats it take . Can we get some Bottle Service to this table or what . laughter its a surprising that trump would hire the mooch because look what he said about trump during the primaries youre calling donald trump a hack politician . Hes a hack politician. I dont like the way he talks about women. I dont like the way he talks about our friend, megyn kelly. And, you know what . The politicians dont want to go after trump because hes got a big mouth, and theyre afraid hes gonna light em up on fox news and all the other places. But im not a politician. Bring it. Youre an inherited money dude from queens county. Bring it, donald. Stephen yeah, bring it, donald, specifically those sweet butt cheeks because the mooch is ready to smooch cheers and applause okay . And in 2016, scaramucci also wrote a scathing oped for fox business. And although he never mentions trump by name, he says, we are in the midst of an ideological civil war, one pitting American Values of hope, empowerment and selfreliance against defeatist attitudes of fear, entitlement and victimization. And, now, he gets to work right down the hall from fear, entitlement, and victimization. laughter cheers and applause stephen yeah, yeah. Jon hey, hey, hey personified personified personified applause stephen scaramucci also spent the weekend deleting embarrassing, antitrump tweets, but he has a lot of interesting old tweets left, like this one that reads, dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like youve never been hurt and live like its heaven on earth. Mark twain. laughter im not sure if i need to point out, thats not a mark twain quote. laughter although it does remind me of that other famous mark twain quote, hey, now youre an allstar, get your game on, go play. cheers and applause so inspiring. So, so thats from huckelberry smash mouth, i think. laughter but according to the mooch the president can do just about anything. Ive seen this guy throw a dead spiral through a tire. Ive seen him at Madison Square garden with a topcoat on, hes standing in the key and hes hitting foul shots and swishing them. He sinks threefoot putts. Stephen yeah, i saw him win a game of connect four with just three pieces. laughter okay . Jon i seen him do all kind of stuff. Stephen i once saw this guy, hes on the green, observe, pebble beach, i saw him hit a hole in none. laughter i once saw him eat a full taco bowl and then jump straight into the pool no cramps laughter i mean, this man is a primo athlete, i mean, just look at him look at that guy oh the mooch likes what he sees. Its smooching time laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Paul bettany is here. But when we return, can jared can donald trump pardon himself . Inquiring committees want to know. Stick around cheers and applause band playing Nosy Neighbor with a keen sense of smell. Glad bag, full of trash. What happens next . Nothing. Only glad has febreze to neutralize odors for 5 days. Guaranteed. Even the most perceptive noses wont notice the trash. Be happy. Its glad. How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. [crunch] yeah [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] we, the entertainmentloving people, want an unlimited data plan that gives us more. We want more than just texting. More than just surfing and shopping. Because sure, we want to use this to call the people we love like our directors. But mostly, to get the entertainment we love. Maaaaark switch to at t for the only unlimited plan that gives you 60 channels of Live Television on any screen all for 70 a month. cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause hey, jon batiste and stay human cheers and applause stephen please have a seat, everybody thank you so much welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Russia continues to be a hot topic around the white house, and trump soninlaw and guy getting a kick out of watching his neighbors house burn down, Jared Kushner or the kutch jon hey, hey. Stephen thats what they call him. From now on, the mooch and the kutch he spoke to the Senate Intelligence committee in a closeddoor lightson session. They wanted to know about that meeting with russians last year. And i realize that doesnt narrow things down, specifically the june 9 meeting with donald trump, jr. , paul manafort, and what turned out to be all of the brothers karamozov. We dont know what was said, cause its none of our business. But kushner prereleased an 11page prebuttal. In it, he listed all of his responsibilities during the campaign, including scheduling, communications, speechwriting, polling, data and digital teams, as well as becoming a point of contact for Foreign Government officials. He was also in charge of buying copy paper, refilling the snack drawer, reminding donald trump what his wifes name is, and taking eric to the vet when he started to molt. laughter cheers and applause and kushner was so busy, he didnt know the meeting was about russians having dirt on hillary because, when don, jr. Invited him, that email was on top of a long back and forth that i did not read at the time. So he didnt know it was a confidential meeting about russia helping against clinton. What was the subject line again . Russia clinton, private confidential. Ooh, an email. Skip the subject line, skip the contents. And. Im in. So, is there a reason for them to be worried . Who knows . Who knows if the Trump Administration should be worried. Donald trump does because, on thursday, trump and his legal team have discussed his power to pardon those close to him including himself. audience reacts oh, yes, yes. Mr. President , you should know, selfpardoning is a sin. Okay . How do you think justice went blind . Jon oh, yeah stephen then, on saturday, trump tweeted, while all agree the u. S. President has the complete power to pardon, why think of that when the only crime so far is leaks against us. Fake news. laughter jon oh stephen what do you mean, why think of that . youre the one tweeting about it its like someone going, we all agree i have the power to take herpes medication. But why think of that . laughter would you like to come upstairs . laughter also, jimmy, could you go back . The only crime so far . laughter applause hes hedging a little bit. Youre honor, i plead not guilty. So far. laughter also in that tweet, trump called the russia story fake news and floated pardoning himself for it reminds me of the new testament when the Apostle Judas said, surely, i will not betray you, my lord, but, if i did, youd have to forgive me, right . Thats like your whole deal. Also, are you a cop . You have to tell me if youre a cop. laughter well be right back. With paul bettany stick around cheers and applause band playing the rock hey siri, read my schedule. [siri tone] [crash] [tires squeal] rock. [siri tone] merci, gimme some. Hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] [siri tone] the toothpaste that helps new parodontax. Prevent bleeding gums. If you spit blood when you brush or floss you may have gum problems and could be on the journey to much worse. Help stop the journey of gum disease. Try new parodontax toothpaste. Im leaving you, wesley. But why . You havent noticed me in two years. I was in a coma. Well, i still deserve appreciation. Who was there for you when you had amnesia . You know i cant remember that. Stop this madness. If its appreciation you want you should both get snapshot from progressive. It rewards good drivers with big discounts on car insurance. I have also awoken from my coma. Its called a nap, susan lucci. 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Dont touch container tip to your eye or any surface. Remove contacts before using xiidra and wait at least 15 minutes before reinserting. Chat with your eye doctor about xiidra. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the late show i like that song. Thats good. You write that . Jon yeah cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody, folks. Please welcome paul bettany thanks for being here thanks for being here nice to see you again. I like this. I like the linen suit with the vest and tie. Its salush. Stephen thats a fancier word than i could use. It means drunk englishman. Stephen are we honored to have a drunk englishman tonight . Not yet. laughter stephen keep drinking your water. You just said youre an englishman, but after trumps inaugural, a lot of americans, i think misguidedly, wanted to leave america, thought about leaving the country. You had a different reaction. What was your reaction when you saw that . Yeah, i decided to become a citizen. Stephen oh, really . cheers and applause i thought, after 15 years stephen yes. I married an american by mistake. Stephen yeah. Ruined my life. Who was to see this coming . So i thought, you know, this country has been really good to me, and its just, like, the republic thats at stake. I thought i should be able to vote. But ive got to move to florida to really make a dent. Stephen or ohio. Yeah. Stephen or russia. laughter are you taking classes . Because you have to pass a test, right . Yeah, you have to do the whole biometrics thing, and they ask you things like what are the branches of government and all that. Stephen do you know anything about Abraham Lincoln . Yeah. Stephen what state is he from . From the one where he cut wood. laughter ill get there stephen yeah, the one state that had wood. laughter i always love to talk to actors who have successful careers now but started off a little rough and tumble. I understand you actually did one of the lowest forms of entertainment in the world. You were a busker on the streets of london. What is that. Begging but like with a guitar. Its when you put your guitar case out and you play songs and hope for the best. Stephen you were going to be a musician originally . I wanted to be a guitar player but i wasnt good enough. Stephen who were your idols . I was really into people like johnny marr and thesmiths at the time. Stephen okay. So you were depressed. laughter no, hes very funny stephen hes very funny in private . laughter because ive interviewed him. Well, thats a different matter. Stephen i busked. What did you play . Stephen its so embarrassing to say. I did mime. No, you didnt cheers and applause stephen i said it was embarrassing. Can you dim the lights . Stephen it was me and two other friends who actually studied under a various mime teacher and we ran into each other after traveling in europe. We had no money and we said why dont we busk . We made 21pound a day because, you know, we werent good. But isnt it a magical sound when that pound coin, that kind of thick pound coin hit the pavement . That was a beautiful sound. Or you, when it hit you. Stephen yeah, sure. laughter on discovery, theres a new series youre in called manhunt unabomber where you play ted kaczynski. Yeah. Stephen youre a very hand someted kaczynski. Did you get to spend any time with him . laughter no, i didnt. Stephen you didnt do a ride along, a crazyalong or anything like that. laughter you know, youre an actor, actors do this kind of stuff. Its a little moot. I think the clearance to get to super max, they dont let just any english person into super max. Stephen you can go in there and say, im almost a citizen. Let me in. Im never becoming a citizen after this interview laughter stephen how method did we get with the unabomber . I didnt send anybody packages. Stephen did you machine your own screws or live off the grid or anything like that . No, theres a story, i went to live in a cabin on my own. Stephen he lived in montana. He lived in montana in a 10x8 cabin. Stephen shack. I didnt do that. I went in a very chic, lovely cabin with a pool. Stephen its the unabomber staying at a chalet. Exactly. Stephen thats how you do it. laughter were you alone . I wasnt alone. Stephen for the whole time . God, no. Stephen jennifer visited . No, gosh, she wouldnt do that. Stephen okay. Internet or anything . No, i cut out the internet. I really tried to cut out the internet because, you know, he lived alone for 20 years in this shack, in this 10x8 shack without running water. Im in constant contact, so just taking three days to not receive an email, just turn everything off, it was really peculiar, and just be on your own. Stephen after three days of not bleep . Right. Stephen we have a clip here. I think this is you explaining how you wont get caught to the f. B. I. Can you explain . Agent fitzgerald played by Sam Worthington thinks he has all the cards. Im informing him i have all the cards. How was that . Stephen great. Jim . The only evidence connecting me to the unabomber attacks is found inside my cabin. The only reason the f. B. I. Was legally allowed to search my cabin was because of your search warrant, but if that search warrant was issued on false pretenses or based on arguments that failed to meet the burden of proof, then all the evidence found at that location is deemed fruit of the poisonous tree. Its tainted, its admissible, its got to be thrown out. So if the search warrant goes, then all their mountains of evidence simply disappear. cheers and applause stephen dont tell me how it ends. laughter lovely to see you again. Good to see you. Stephen manhunt unabomber premieres august 1 on discovery. Paul bettany, everybody well be right back with Laura Benanti. cheers and applause one sitt. That was amazing. The ceiling is all spider webs. We missed grandpas 99th birthday. Im actively trying to stand up right now. And his funeral. Oh i have a beard. Oh a chip. laughter Binge Watching isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Thanks captain obvious. How long have you been here . Unlock instant savings now and earn free nights to use later. Hotels. Com. The lincoln summer invitation is on. Its time for a getaway. Now get our best offers of the season. On the agile mkc. On the versatile midsize lincoln mkx. Or go where summer takes you in the exhilarating mkz. The lincoln summer invitation sales event. Ask about complimentary pick up delivery servicing. Right now get zero percent apr plus 1,000 dollars Summer Savings on the lincoln mkx, mkc and mkz when youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . 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Stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause band playing folks, my next guest is a tony winner and the late shows Melania Trump in residence, please welcome Laura Benanti cheers and applause band playing thank you. Come on up. Oh is that nice to see you again. Nice to see you. Stephen its hard to believe, but it was around this time a year ago, because it was the Republican Convention in cleveland that we first asked you if you could come on here and do a Melania Trump impression. Happy anniversary. Stephen thank you very much. We had you on before and noticed how much you looked like the first lady. How dare you, yes. Stephen shes a lovely person. A lovely person. What did we call you is this i seem to remember you did this on the spur of the moment. Yes, i was here promoting she loves me, and then you mentioned i looked like her, and i never thought much about it. Stephen neither did we. And then the infamous plagiarized speech happened. Stephen it was revealed parts of the speech was taken from Michelle Obamas speech. And i was in delaware celebrating my grandmas 92n 92nd birthday. She just turned 93. applause thank you. And i appreciate you guys asked me to do it without having any understanding of whether i could do it or not. You knew i could do the face, but nobody knew i could do the accent because we never heard her speak. Stephen youre a broadway star, baby thats true cheers and applause stephen youve got that indefinable it laughter so where did you work on the impression . So on the train, my mom and sister drove me to wilmington delaware. laughter thank you, one person. So i was on the train obsessively watching her speech and i was sitting next to this gentleman what looked very disturbed. I kept zooming in on her mouth and kept doing it and saying, like, my husband in accent and he was looking at me like, this woman is insane. I thank you for not calling the police, if youre watching. I was not trying to wear her skin as a suit. laughter is that your vocal impression of the first lady is fascinating. When you dont talk, you smolder. Can i have a hint of smolder at the camera . Sure, sure. cheers and applause piano riff stephen i mean, weve done her several times on the show, luckily for us, over the past year. I suppose youve thought about her as a person. To do an impression you have to sort of sympathize with a person. Yeah, sure do. Stephen whats your impression of the first lady after a year . I feel basically we are all Melania Trump, we are all reluctantly married to donald trump. Stephen making the best of it. Yeah, were making the best of it. I feel like america is melania. cheers and applause stephen you cant spell america without melania. Theres no way to know. Stephen no way to know. But i feel like we speak many languages, were curvy, we have a lot in common with melania. So i do have empathy with her, but at the same time im, like, you also chose that. Stephen so did we. We did . Stephen well, the electoral college. laughter stephen do you ever slip into her at a moments notice. Youre out there at starbucks and order as melania . No. I like the idea she doesnt know what starbucks is. Shes, like, what, is it star and bucks . I like both these things. laughter applause he built her her own starbucks in her bunk where are she lives. Shes the only customer. Hello, phil, ill have the usual. laughter stephen your grandmother just turned 93. You and your mother do cabaret shows sometimes. Your mothers a singer. She was an actress. When i was about two years old, she stopped acting. I had a wonderful nanny from cuba and one year i said, momma, youre hurting my feelings cuban accent and my mother said, i think i need to spend more time with my daughter. We recently did a cabaret show and it was the first time shed been on stage in 34 years. applause stephen amazing. Yeah. Stephen so when you were a little girl in the house and your mom would bring over people to train singing, were you there as a little girl watching . Yeah, i was sitting on her lap and she would tell stories where i would be on her lap listening and i would be no, no. Stephen you had your own private american idol. Exactly. Youre cut. She was my voice teach arse well. She was super patient an loving. A lot of people ask what is it like to have your mom be a voice teacher. They assume it would be a nightmare. But my mom is such a loving, funny, hilarious person. Stephen she must be very good because you have the voice of an angel. Thank you Stephen Lovely to see you again. Thank you. cheers and applause stephen Laura Benanti, everybody well be right back with tyler the creator. Stick around ready, ok when we say study you say haul study haul study haul when we say study you say haul study haul study haul everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. Whats going on here . Um. Im babysitting. Thatll be 50 bucks. You said 30. Yeah, well it was 30 before my fees, like the pizzaordering fee and the dogsitting fee. And the rummage through your closet fee. Are those my heels . Yeah yeah, were the same size. In shoes. With tmobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just 40 bucks each. For a limited time save 300 dollars on the amazing iphone 7. Hundreds of dollars on youmy car insurance. Saved me huh. I should take a closer look at geico. dog panting geico has a 97 Customer Satisfaction rating and fast and friendly claims service. Speaking of service . Oooo, just out. It was in. Out. In out. In what about now . That was our only shuttlecock. Take a closer look at geico. Great savings. And a whole lot more. New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin how do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Ara. Call thats left to rememb. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody piano riff im excited about this. Im excited about this next interview, jon. This should be interesting. Jon oh, yeah. Stephen because our next guest tonight is a creative powerhouse from the hiphop world who makes music, clothing, and a whole lot of headlines. Please welcome tyler the creator cheers and applause band playing stephen mmhmm. Now, tyler its cold as hell stephen it is cold in here. cheers and applause to you need a jacket . No, im fine. I dont know why yall are clapping. Its cold stephen i wanted to point out when you came out here you touched me on the butt. No, i didnt. Stephen yes you did. You have no proof. Stephen what do you mean i have no proof . Youre a liar. Stephen if we worked together i would have to report you to h. R. That was unwelcomed contact. If hes lying, make some noise cheers and applause laughter stephen all right . Now, you are lucky that that was welcome contact. I prefer all my guests do that. Hey, im going to be honest. Its ridiculously cold right now, dawg. Stephen thats the way i like it. Im wearing boxers. Stephen those are boxers . Youre 26 years old, direct music videos, correct art work, made a hiphop album, viceland, design shoes for converse, okay, thats a lot. Thats crazy. Stephen no, its not crazy. As an artist, as a musician, a person, whats the most important thing in the world to you. Whats at the top of your pyramid . Air. Oxygen. Stephen really . Yeah. Not funny. I have horrible asthma. Stephen do you yeah, it stays with me. Its in my underpants. I didnt want my boxers to look bulky, but stephen ahha, mmhmm. Is that an inhaler in your pocket or are you just happy to see me is this. What . laughter stephen did you design everything youre wearing now . Yes. Stephen including the necklace . Yes. Elizabeth taylor is my jewelry idol. Stephen white diamonds. Her use of coral is crazy. Shes dead now, though. Stephen yeah. laughter but diamonds are forever. Did you ever see National Velvet . No stephen youve got to see it. If you want to see jewelry, those violet eyes of hers. What are you talking about. Stephen elizabeth taylor. He was in a movie . Stephen she was in a movie . laughter i dont know about that stuff. I found a book in barnes noble and said, oh, this little white ladys got some nice stuff, and called it a day. laughter stephen youre going to love it, man. Whos afraid of Virginia Woolf . Youre going to love it, man. Man, these quotes are going over my head, man. Stephen lets get together and watch some elizabeth taylor. Youre asking me on a date . Stephen absolutely. cheers and applause tell me about the new album, flower boy. Its out . laughter stephen many critics have said the same thing laughter yeah, yeah. Its out. Stephen uhhuh. A lot of people are, like, whats going on here . I produced and wrote mostly 90 of it. Its the melody i didnt come up with. Stephen youre 26 now . Yes. Stephen some critics said this is the maturing of tyler the creator. Are you growing up now . Probably, but more so i just wanted to produce and have people to sing and thats all i want to listen to. I kind of didnt want to rap a lot on it, so i kept my rap verses short and made sure everything i said was ridiculously important and i think thats why people like about it this time around because nothing funny on it. Stephen whats the song youre doing tonight from the album . laughter would you like to know . Because i know. Oh, 911. laughter stephen well, your show on viceland nuts and bolts premieres on august 3. Is that true . Yes, and well be right back with a performance from tyler the creator cheers and applause the creator cheers and applause band playing topped loaded meals . Ifferent its an american favorite on top of an american favorite, alice. Its like Labor Day Weekend on top of the fourth of july. Hotdogs. Get your favorites on top of your favorites. Only at applebees. Get your favorites on top of your favorites. Ouch new bandaid® brand skinflex™ bandages. Our best bandage yet it dries almost instantly. Better . Yeah. Good thing because stopping never crosses your mind. Bandaid® brand. Stick with it™ out out get get get grrr did you find everything okay, sir . Whaaaaat . How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. The rock hey siri, read my schedule. [siri tone] rock. Hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] want to see more of the rock and siri . Just grab your iphone and say, hey siri, what are you and the rock up to . [siri tone] stephen and now, performing 911 from his new album flower boy, ladies and gentlemen, tyler the creator cheers and applause call me, call me, call me uh call me, call me, call me uh call me, call me, call me uh call me, call me, call me call me how you doin . Call me my name is lonely, nice to meet you heres my number you can reach me, woo call me 911, call me some time you should call me 911, call me some time 911 you should call me, oh 911 call me yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah my thirst levels are infinity and beyond sippin on that lemonade, i need a beyonce cant see straight, these shades are celine dion sucks you cant gas me up, shout out to elon musk, yeah, i got a sold out show crowd wild out but dont matter cause you not front row ive been lookin for a keeper, listen to the speaker if you fit description, hit me on my beeper at that 911 call me some time ring, ring, ring please bang my line, you know ill answer click call me some time ring, ring, ring please bang my line call me 911, call me some time you should call me 911, call me some time 911 you should call me, oh 911 you should call me chirp, chirp chirp, chirp woke up in the burbs, burbs, with the birds, birds where you used to come and get me with the swerve, swerve these days you got to find time even the night line work line dial nine five car garage full tank of the gas but that dont mean nothing, nothing nothin, nothin, without you shotgun in the passenger im the loneliest man alive but i keep on dancing to throw em off im gon run out of moves cause i cant groove to the blues if you know any djs, tell em to call me at 911 cheers and applause Stephen Tyler the creator, everybody well be right back cheers and applause the worlds greatest recipe. Meat and fire. A simple combination that has now been mastered. You cant fake steak. Longhorn steakhouse. Tonights special, fire crafted flavors. Try our new pepper crusted new york strip, our outlaw ribeye, or a full rack of baby back ribs. And for lunch, try our steakhouse burger, or any steakhouse lunch combo. Only at longhorn. Stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be charlie rose, jessica williams, and max brooks. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, anna faris, mark hamill, and jenny slate. Goodnight captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the way from
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