Stephen woooo cheers and applause stephen whats going on . Jon i see you i see you stephen thank you so much, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. Guess whos back . Hillary clinton. cheers and applause she emerged from the woods. Just this afternoon, she appeared here in new york at an event hosted by women for women international. And the moderator, christiane amanpour, interviewed secretary clinton and asked her about the 2016 campaign. What do you imagine your election as the first female president of the United States might have said to the world and to the women of the world who were looking for validation, for somebody to shatter that highest and hardest ceiling . Oh, i think it would have been a really big deal. And i think that um. applause stephen yeah, it would have been a big deal. laughter but if ifs and buts were clusters of nuts, donald trump wouldnt be president. Christiane amanpour spoke about sexism. Youve just spoken eloquently about the sexism, the misogyny and inequity around the world, but do you believe it exists here still . And do you think laughter stephen asking Hillary Clinton if sexism exists is like asking Serena Williams if shes heard of this tennis thing. Shes aware of the situation. But the big news of the interview was that Hillary Clinton explained why she thinks she lost. But i was on the way to winning until the combination of jim comeys letter on october 28 and russian wikileaks raised doubts in the minds of people who were inclined to vote for me. Ask yourself this within an hour or two of the hollywood access tape being made public, the russian theft of John Podestas emails hit wikileaks. What a coincidence. So, i mean, you just cant make this stuff up. Stephen actually, you can make up whatever you want. Have you met our current president . He just hes like hes like stephen king. But hillary may have accidentally revealed why she really lost. You know, if the election had been on october 27, id be your president. And it wasnt. It was on october 28. Stephen no, it was on november 8, maam. That explains everything. Well, october 29 is here and i am not president. I guess ill just stop campaigning in michigan and wisconsin thats my impression of hillary, by the way. I would have worked on it more if i knew she was going to be back. laughter but at the end of the day, Hillary Clinton knows it wasnt comey or putin or ken bone remember that guy . She knows whos actually to blame for her loss. I take absolute personal responsibility. I was the candidate. I was the person who was on the ballot, and i am very aware of, you know, the challenges, the problems, the, you know, the shortfalls that we had. Stephen so she made mistakes, publicly recognized them, and owned up to her shortcomings. No wonder she lost. Thats totally unpresident ial. But ill say this, the president ial campaign was so brutal remember, long, brutal . One of the nice things about having trump in office is knowing that its all behind us. The countdown to 2020 is already on. Stephen today, President Trump out with his First Campaign ad, the earliest one that has ever aired in a first term. laughter applause cheers and applause laughter stephen kill me. Now, listen, this is very important. I have a message for our president no new elections until you finish your wars. laughter now keep in mind, this is really a campaign ad. When i first saw this, i said, you have to be kidding. It was an Actual Campaign ad put out by donald j. Trump for president. Lets take a look. Donald trump, sworn in as president 100 days ago. Stephen okay, quick fact check on the first sentence. The ad came out yesterday, which means trump was sworn in to office 102 days ago. Or as trump would put it my first 100 days had more days than any other president. laughter we packed them in. Extra, okay . We sprinkled a few on top. Thats comp. Were comping those last two days. laughter they did manage to fit all of trumps accomplishments into the 15 seconds. A respected Supreme Court justice confirmed. Companies investing in american jobs again. America becoming more energy independent. Regulations that kill American American jobs eliminated. The biggest tax cut plan in history. Stephen see what he did there . They didnt say it was the biggest tax cut in history. They said it was the biggest tax cut plan in history. Anyone can do that watch i plan to cut everybodys taxes to 0 . There, now i, stephen colbert, have the biggest tax cut plan in history. Youre welcome, theoretically. laughter still, donald trump seems to think donald trump has done a lot. So why havent i heard a lot about it . You wouldnt know it from watching the news. Stephen oh, yeah, you wouldnt know it from the fake news like the New York Times and the boston globe, which only get quoted in leftwing propaganda like this commercial. laughter okay, were almost done. Brace yourself. Bring it home, trump ad. America is winning, and President Trump is making America Great again. Im donald trump, and i approve this message. Stephen wow. Could we see that heroic final pose . Could we see that again, jim . Wow, not only is he president. I think hes turning into heman. By the power of numbskull cheers and applause well, he is the president of the United States, god bless him. And President Trump had an official call with putin today. I hear the call was tense, but lets face it. Thats how performance reviews usually go. laughter according to reports, according to reports, the two discussed the prospect of coordinating russian and u. S. Action. Oh, i think youve been coordinating for a while. According to the kremlin, when discussing north korea, the president of russia called for restraint and an easing of tensions. You know things are bad when putin is the voice of restraint. Eh, donald maybe you could cool it with the tweets. It comes off as a little crazy. applause putin fans. A lot of putin fans here tonight. laughter meanwhile here in america, the republicans in congress are attempting to repeal and replace obamacare again, but even though theyve made another big push, theyre on the verge of losing the health care vote. Again . Its like losing this vote is some kind of preexisting condition with these guys. Moderate republicans are not voting for trumpcare because while it technically covers pre existing conditions, it also allows states to apply for waivers that could greatly change the cost and quality of that coverage. So if youve got a preexisting condition, you can technically get health care. You just might not be able to afford it. Like how i can technically hire Bruce Springsteen to play my birthday party, but i can only afford brice stringstone. I love him. I love it when he plays thunder load. laughter but yesterday, alabama representative mo brooks explained that trumpcare is just making insurance fairer. My understanding is that it will allow Insurance Companies to require people who have Higher Health care costs to contribute more to the insurance pool that helps offset all these costs, thereby reducing the cost to those people who lead good lives. Theyre healthy. You know, they have done the things to keep their bodies healthy. And right now those are the people who have done things the right way that are seeing their costs skyrocketing. Stephen so hes saying good people are healthy and bad people get sick. Well, thats why brooks is going to put this on his tombstone i had it coming. Youre not alive. You must have done something. What did you do . What did you do . Something. And trumps not just trying to undo obamacare. Hes also trying to undo obamalunch, because his administration is rolling back Michelle Obamas push for healthier school lunches. Audience boo stephen you could tell this was going to happen when they replaced her white house vegetable garden with a nacho bar. That looked good. You guys remember last month when trump ordered a missile strike on a Syrian Air Base . It was the most violent assault on a runway not ordered by united airlines. applause it all it all friendly skies. It all went down while trump was dining at maralago with the president of china enjoying what trump described as the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that youve ever seen. Which is why the missions code name was operation dessert storm. laughter could be a misspelling. Could be a misspelling. applause well, we just got new details from commerce secretary and jeff dunham puppet gone rogue, wilbur ross. laughter secretary ross was speaking at a conference yesterday and joked that the airstrike was in lieu of afterdinner entertainment. Really . What was the planned after dinner entertainment . Busboys fighting in the thunderdome . Steve bannon unhinging his jaw and swallowing Reince Priebus feet first . And ross continued his White Collar Comedy tour, saying, the thing was, it didnt cost the president anything to have that entertainment. Now, technically, yes, the missile strike was 82 million. But remember, thats funded by taxpayers. So, yeah, it didnt cost donald trump a dime. Or did it . Well never know. Oh what else . Trump wants to be able to sue the press. He wants to be able to take lawsuits out against people who say things about him. In march, trump tweeted, the failing nytimes has disgraced the media world. Got me wrong for two solid years. Change libel laws . Of course, trump himself would never engage in libel. Just ask crooked hillary or lyin ted. Theres only one problem with changing the libel laws as Jonathon Karl pointed out to Reince Priebus on last weeks this week. Change the libel laws. That would require, as i understand it, a constitutional amendment. Is he really going to pursue that . Is that something he wants to pursue . I think its something that weve looked at. Stephen they want to get rid of the First Amendment . Stop the presses seriously, stop the presses. And i can confirm that the administration is looking into change the First Amendment because i have trumps rewritten version of the constitution right here Congress Shall make no law against religion, except for the scary ones, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press. Unless it is fake news like failing New York Times watch fox and friends cheers and applause slow that down. Slow that down a little. Oh, trump also has an interesting take on the third amendment here. No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house, or at least not in the premier suite of an incredible trump hotel. The best. Free continental breakfast before 9 00 a. M. Thank you for your room service. applause and this surprised me. This next one surprise me a lot. Trump wants to change the Second Amendment to bang bang bang pew pew bang bang we have a great show for you tonight. Amy schumer is here. Stick around. We, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. So we can stream unlimited action. Watch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If you are into that. But we also want more like. Unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now mark . No cant do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides you are really good at it james. Dont settle for any unlimited data plan. Only the at t unlimited plus plan comes with hbo included at no extra charge. Woman so this happened. Zoe brought over some limearitas to avas rooftop and thats when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. Thats elyse busting out her dance move from summer of 08. she insists its her signature move, but were all pretty good at it. Yeah, looks like were staying here tonight. Limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Are allergies holding you back . Break through your allergies. Try new Flonase Sensimist allergy relief instead of allergy pills. Its more complete allergy relief in a gentle mist experience youll barely feel. Using unique mistpro technology, new Flonase Sensimist delivers a gentle mist to help block six key inflammatory substances that cause your symptoms. Most allergy pills only block one. And six is greater than one. New Flonase Sensimist changes everything. band playing band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody give it up for the band cheers and applause now, jon, jon, obviously, like me, im sure when you get home, the first thing you do is sit around and wait for our show to come on so you can watch it, right . Jon yeah, i sit down at the piano, turn on the tv, and watch. Stephen last night was one of the rare times i did not just watch our show. I also watched our dear friend jimmy kimmel. I just want to say to anybody out there, if you havent seen jimmys monologue last night about his child who was born with a heart defect, and they had to have surgery, and the first surgery has been successful, and thankfully his son, billy, is home with him and his wife please go watch it. Its an absolutely beautiful, heartfelt story, and its a call for all people to have access to the same Quality Health care because it is a basic human need and an aspect of our dignity as citizens of the United States. And. cheers and applause it was beautiful. Youre a beautiful man. Im so glad that billy is at home and resting with his mom, and anyway, check it out, you guys. Also, next week, i hope youll check out one week from tonight we have a very special show because im coming up on my 20th anniversary of having started on the daily show. cheers and applause 20 years i dont i dont look it laughter i think it was june 2 of 1997. I remember that it was the first day. But were not doing a show that week, so next week, a week from today, a bunch of my old buddies from the daily show are going to be on here, and were going to were going to reminisce, were going to talk, were going to have fun. Were going to do some comedy about all those great times we had together. So im looking forward to it. cheers and applause theyre really talented. Now, speaking of incredibly talented, my first guest is the incredibly talented comedian behind trainwreck and inside amy schumer. She now stars in snatched. Do you want to do something tonight, like, something crazy, or like do something amazing . Yeah, im sure we can rustle up some adventure tonight. Yes. Yeah. laughter stephen please welcome amy schumer cheers and applause oh, boy jon batiste. Stephen oh, yeah. Nobody like him. Nobody like him. Hi stephen hey, listen, this is the second time weve seen each other in about 24 hours. Thank god. Stephen we saw each other last night at the fabulous met gala. You were the belle of the ball. Stephen was i . You were best dressed. Stephen no, you were. Look at this thing. Wow what an outfit. Stephen amy, who are we wearing in this photograph . We are wearing zach posen. Stephen we love zach. We love zach on the late show. You actually let me touch it. I know. Stephen i think you insisted that i touch it. I may have threatened you to touch it, right. Stephen its like leather and armor at the same time. It has scales. I dont know, dude, but ill tell you what, homegirl was sweating. Why cant we be comfortable at that thing . I get it stephen is this one of the things you wear if youre trying to make weight for the wrestling team. Spit in a cup all day before you weighin. Thats what they do for actresses, your weight not me. Stephen thats the fanciest thing you go to, right, because everybody is in the fanciest dress possible. Its in a fancy location. Yeah stephen they close the bar so early. I know, whats that about . I had to go home early and black out on my own. Stephen got to take care of the sister doing for herself. You are also, speaking of style. Yes stephen this is all show and tell here tonight. Youre also on the cover of in style right there. Wow honk, honk. Why are the pages stuck together . laughter stephen the perfume samples they bleed. They bleed. Yeah stephen now you said you said i think you absolutely look beautiful on this cover. You said you received backlash in the past when it comes to swimsuit photos . Whats the deal . No, it wasnt really you dont have stephen just trying to put some asses in the seats. Okay, sure. Guys, tune in, tune in. In every interview ive been doing to promote snatched, the journalists will be like, so your body, like, whats the plan . Im serious. Stephen what do you mean . I mean, they talk about it im in a bathing suit in this movie. Theres nudity. I feel good about my body. I think other people need to work on how they feel. Im good. But they talk to me like i need to be buttered to fit through a door. Im like, i can walk right through a door. Stephen is that in the movie, because thats oh, no. Stephen as someone who is like a bit of a fashionista now you are. What stephen youre on the cover of in style magazine. Whatever they slap me into but im very grateful. Stephen do you get free stuff . Do you get people send this stuff and, wear this thing because wed be happy. Totally. And i didnt have any money growing up, so im still really grateful to get free stuff. This past winter canada goose gave me a coat. Stephen oh, those are great. Yeah, super warm. And was psyched. It was my favorite, it was like. Free. laughter applause i was like mmm free. So i wore it. I got photographed in it because of paparazzi loves this. laughter im like, what do you want. This is what youre going to get. Anyway, i was doing an event to promote my book, and these picketers came in and theyre like, real yelly. And i was like, lets communicate. But they dont want to do that. It was pictures of me in the coat. And theyre like, canada goose is murdered stephen canada goose is murdered. They dont kill the geese. But of no but to make the hoods they kill coyotes. Yeah. I was like oh, my god. If i made a list of the animals i care about more than coyotes laughter it would be a list of every animal. laughter i dont care. You know, i was like, i dont care. Stephen theyll come for your dog the coyotes. I know. Im like whatever. You cant make somebody care about coyotes if they dont. Stephen the roadrunner doesnt. No, the roadrunner would be psyched. Are you serious . I was like peta, i promised i would never wear fur again. Visibly. laughter at all times im wearing tortured ostrich underwear. I want you all to know that. You cant see it. Stephen i got a mental image. I got a mental image. I torture them in my apartment. Stephen well, i want to hear more about that, obviously. Well be right back with more amy schumer. Stick around. Heineken tastes perfect every single time and that doesnt happen by accident it takes 15 years to become a heineken brewmaster. Almost as long as it took me to master this look. Still practicing. It takes 15 years to become a heineken brewmaster. Theres more behind the star. Are ywith an old computer . Rform thats like lebron. Trying to perform with old equipment. Ooh. Well that is not what the fans signed up to see. Is outdated Equipment Holding you back . Upgrade your game to intels fastest processor. You should probably upgrade those, too. [ rock music playing ] have fun with your replaced windows. Run away [ grunts ] leave him leave him [ music continues ] brick and mortar, what . [ music continues ] [ tires screech ] [ laughs ] [ doorbell rings ] when you bundle home and Auto Insurance with progressive, you get more than a big discount. Thats what you get for bundling home and auto jamie you get sneakygood coverage. Thanks. Were gonna live forever are you one sneeze away from. Being voted out of the carpool . Thanks. Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. This clean was like pow everything well . My teeth are glowing. They are so white. Step 1 cleans. Step 2 whitens. Crest [hd]. 6x cleaning , 6x whitening a i would switch to crest [hd] over what i was using before. applause stephen hey, everybody. Were back with our friend amy schumer. Now, you have been traveling around the world like the big jetsetter that you are. You know me we had some time for some fun. Stephen this is you and your sister, kim, at the harry potter tour at Warner Brothers studio. Are you a big harry potter fan . I like the movies. Its really hard to read, you know another page. You know . Who has its time. Stephen theyre thick. But, kim i got to see my sister have the best day of her life. Stephen shes a big fan. Shes a huge, huge fan. Shes married so that means her wedding day eh. Harry potter you can go and tour the sets. Warner brothers you can see where they shot it. Stephen like hogwarts and that kind of stuff. Yes, and it was amazing. Even for something who wasnt crazy into the books it was really amazing. And we got a v. I. P. Thing, because im very famous. laughter stephen yes, youre worth protesting. Exactly, thank you. For, like, literally only 100 extra, youre allowed to just straight up bleep daniel radcliffe. Stephen wow, wow. Hundred. Not pounds. Stephen a cnote. On your terms, too. Stephen i wish he put it in the bank. I feel bad for him. Thats a lovely thought. Yeah, yeah. laughter stephen speaking of lovely thought. Its all show and tell here tonight. I love all the pictures tonight. Stephen you have done something nice mind if i show you this thing. This is your actual lawyer . This is my real lawyer, yes. So what i did hes, like, a really good lawyer. Hes a good guy stephen nobody is saying hes not. I just felt like, sure, schumer, from long island, you have a great lawyer. But, but and hes very shy and serious stephen an entertainment lawyer. An entertainment lawyer, but hes like, no one look at me. It turns out youre allowed to i bought him four benches as if he was a personal injury attorney. laughter okay, show it. This is him and then i was like, hey, can you go look at the corner of whatever . laughter applause stephen have you been injured . Have you been injured . Well, im sorry that happened to you. Im here if you want to talk or you need anything. Lets get this dunz. His name is isaac dunham. He said, this is on my way to work. I said, i know, i bought you four benches on the way to work. We have to keep ourselves entertained. Stephen any span. Spanish . No doubt. Stephen you have the new movie snatched with the lovely and talented goldie hawn. She hasnt done a movie in 15. Stephen 15 years. She plays your mom we had chris pratt here yesterday oh, my gosh, let me sniff the seat. Stephen no, afraid not, cbs. And kurt russell played his dad. You were like movie brother and sister. Thats what i keep texting him. Im like, hey lets hang out, bro stephen how did you get this nice lady who has been, like, just enjoying herself for 14 years to step back in on to a movie set . Because its been since 2002 or 03 or Something Like that since she did a movie. How did you get her . I gave her 100. Stephen and daniel radcliffe. And daniel radcliffe. No, i approached her on an airplane she had no idea who i was. Shes so nice to everyone. Shes truly the kindest person. And shes like, okay, honey. And i said, i want to be in a movie with you. And shes like, sure, you do. laughter but then it happened. And she wrote the script and we just loved each other right away. Katie dippold wrote the script, and my sister and i rewrote it and picturing goldie the whole time. Goldie wrote the secret too. And we had the best time. People were worried about her. Stephen why . Because shes in her 70s and its a hard rcomedy action movie. But shes, like, doing handstands on set. And seriously. And then im, like, sweating so much in between each take, its like, 10minute reset on schumer. And yeah. It was she was totally fine the whole time. Stephen are you best friends now . Yeah stephen you can say youre friends with goldie hawn . I can say were, like, life friends. Stephen yeah . Yeah, shes the real deal. Stephen i heard you say that you cant make you only made, like, five friends in 15 years. So its a very high bar to get into the amy schumer friend club. Correct. Stephen why, do you not like people . laughter well, i mean, youre okay. laughter but. cheers and applause stephen were you bullied at all as a child . Yeah. I had curly bangs stephen how could you have curly bangs . It was very simple. My mom told me they looked great, and i bought it. And, yeah, no. laughter i was i was a late bloomer. Teeth my front teeth fell out when i was 11. Stephen in middle school. You didnt have your front teeth . Going into middle school, i did not have my front teeth. laughter hi, 13 reasons why. Kids are mean. Stephen no thank god there was no social media then, thank god stephen well, snatched is in theaters may 12. The love lady with all the teeth, amy schumer, everybody. Well be right back with Gabourey Sidibe. You could spend the next few days weeding through w2s, pay stubs and Bank Statements to refinance your home. Or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online. Securely share your financial info and confidently get an accurate mortgage solution in minutes. Lift the burden of getting a home loan with Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper rocket] we all drive, some cats just know how to roll. But grandma, we useo charmin ultra softsoft. So we dont have to wad to get clean. Mmm, cushiony. And we can use less. Charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. It has comfort cushions you can see that are softer. And more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. Remember, thats charmin in there. No wasteful wadding we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to the late show. Now, jon, how did you sleep last night . Jon i slept pretty good man, i slept good. Stephen i did not. I was up all night. I kept waking up wondering whether the writer guilds strike was going to happen last night because i have been through that once before and it was terrible. I kept waking up and not checking my phone. Jon you dont want to know. Know. Stephen i dont want to know because what can i do but i kept waking up wondering what happened. And waking up is the hardest part of getting out of bed. Do you know what i mean, jon . Is it hard for you to get out of bed in the morning . Jon yeah, sometimes you wake up and youre kind of cranky and it takes you two to three times to get into it, shake it off, shake that crankiness off of you. Stephen you have a system for shake off that crankiness . Jon oh, yeah, i sure do, i have a system with the new jon batiste alarm clock. Jim. Hi, im jon batiste, and i know mornings are the worst. And you know why . Alarm clocks. Aaaah dang alarms jon alarms are the worst. But now you can wake up to jon batiste way. Hey, its morning yeah hey, its morning yeah good morning from me and my best friend the melodica. Ive got options for every sleeper. Cold blood hey, wake up and light sleepers. Coldblooded wake up jon and if you dont want to get out of bed, theres a snooze option. Snooze activated. I get you want to finish your dream about the middle school dance. Thats a good one. Ill let you rest for five minutes and then wake you up. What am i going to do for five minutes . Oh, i know, im going to make me some breakfast. dishes clanging man, im out of eggs. Oh, well. Maybe ill work on my new reggaeton song. air horn wooo down low, waking up with jon batiste today. And if you use a clock as an alarm clock, whats wrong with you . You cant make calls on that thing youre welcome. cheers and applause . Stephen thank you, jon. Thank you, sir. You at home can get all those tunes on our website www. Colbertlateshow. Com. Well be right back with Gabourey Sidibe. Stick around. We, the entertainmentloving people, want all our rooms to be tv rooms. Because those are the best rooms. Because they have tvs in them. And, when were not in those rooms, we want our shows to go with us. Anywhere . You got that right, kid show thing. Get a directv allincluded package for 4 rooms. Only 25 a month, price guaranteed for 2 years. Available for at t unlimited plus customers. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Its the applebees big bold grill combos. Try a chicken combo, combod with a ribs combo. Its the combo of combos. Combod two meats, two sides. The big bold grill combos. Starting at 12. 99. Only at applebees. Searching one topic. That will generate over 600 million results. And if youve been diagnosed with cancer, searching for answers like where to treat, can feel even more overwhelming. So start your search with a specialist at Cancer Treatment centers of america. Start with teams of Cancer Treatment experts under one roof. Start where specialists use advanced Genomic Testing to guide precision Cancer Treatment. That may lead to targeted therapies and more treatment options. Start where theres a commitment to analyzing the latest research and conducting clinical trialsto help each patient get the personalized cancer care they deserve. Start at one of the Cancer Treatment centers of america hospitals near you. The evolution of cancer care is here. Learn more at cancercenter. Com experts appointmenents available now. applause pcountries thatk mewe traveled,t what is your nationality and i would always answer hispanic. So when i got my ancestry dna results it was a shocker. Im everything. Im from all nations. I would look at forms now and wonder what do i mark . Because im everything. And i marked other. Discover the story only your dna can tell. Order your kit now at ancestrydna. Com. Latches onto youry finger so hard, its like shes saying i love you. Thats why aveenos oat formula is designed for your babys sensitive skin. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful babies. You get to do the dishes. Ed. Bring em on. Dawn ultra has 3 times more greasecleaning power. A drop of dawn and grease is gone. band playing cheers and applause stephen caught me by surprise. You know my next guest from American Horror story, empire and of course her oscarnominated performance in precious. Please welcome, Gabourey Sidibe applause hi stephen welcome to the show. Thank you stephen nice to meet you. Nice to meet you stephen how did i do with your name . Gabourey sidibe, am i right on target there . You did pretty good. Im not at all embarrassed. Stephen whats how whats the perfect way to say your name. Okay, so im senegalese, and my name is pronounce gabbaray siddeebay. But youre american, so ill let you call me gabooree seedibay. It rhymes with cabaret. Stephen whats the worst anyone has butchered it . The worst is okay, sot very beginning, the second, like, talk show i went on was the tyra banks show. And she said the entire interview for two segments she called me gabernay. And i was too new and little to correct her, because i felt like i was going to be rude if i told her that my name was not pronounced that way and i have regrets about it. I should have just said right, to be fair. Stephen right, right, stand up for yourself. Stand up for my. Stephen when people say coalbert, i answer to that but inside im furious. Dont let them do that to you . Stephen i wont, i wont. Heres the interesting thing. You have a new book called, this is just my face try not to stare. All right. Its a memoir. cheers and applause thank you. Stephen its a memoir. Youre 33 years old. Why write one now . Youre just going to have to write another one in 10 years. What made you want to write this memoir . I dont think it didnt start out as a memoir. I started writing about things that, like, bothered me, and i realized that the first sentence of the chapter about something that bothered me felt horrible, but the last sentence felt really amazing. And so, like, i realized that i was get something, like, therapeutic work out of writing. And so i just kept doing it. And the weird okay, it sounds like its super serious. But, actually, you guys its funny. Its really funny, too. Its really, really good. And i feel really cathartic and there was some stuff i had to, like, get out. Stephen one of the things youve gone through, worked through writing the book think other people will read and say, ive experienced that . That helps me work through just by reading that. What are some of the things that have bothered you . Some life lessons. Like for one its a weird thing and ive been talking about it. I spent three years being a phone sex operator. Stephen what . Yeah. Stephen youre acting like i would know that. I mean, sorry, well, like, yeah, i was a phone sex operator for three years, whole years. And thats kind of, like, what i did right before i was literally, i got my my first one was precious and thats what i did the day before i was filming precious. Stephen its like acting. Yeah. It was my acting school. Some people went to juilliard. And i went to the phone. Stephen good program. Were the hours good . The hours were great. Its, like, a 24hour company so you can stephen make your hours. I did 8 00 p. M. To 8 00 a. M. On saturday because you get double the minutes, okay . Thats a big deal. Make your coins. Stephen thats good to know. Write that down. Double the minutes. Stephen i got it. You have some great blurbs on this. The top one says i dont know if you can see this. It might be too small. youre the bomb, girl, president barack obama. How did you get thats a great blurb. How does one get the barack obama blurb . First of all, barack obama is my uncle barry, as i call him. Stephen does he know you call him that . He does not. And im i met him at the correspondents dinner, like, before it became a farce. And, like, two years ago. And he had my name on a card. And i was like hi, my name is gabourey. And he said, i know who you are. Youre the bomb, girl. It shook me a little bit because if anybody says the word bomb near the president i needed the secret service but he did say that. Stephen hes allowed to say that. Hes the one person allowed to say that, that close to the president also like, hi, your dad says youre the bomb, right . Thats such a dad thing to say. I thought he was going to call me all that and a bag of chips later. Stephen he is like a dad. Hes my uncle barry. Stephen you have an aunt, you actually have an aunt who is also a famous for working for womens right. Dorothy pitman hughes, and here she is with Gloria Steinem taken in 1971. Yeah. Stephen thats a pretty cool aunt. Thats a pretty cool aunt. Yeah, my my aunt we disagree on how to pronounce that word. You say ant. And i say aunt. Which one of us is the fancier one. Stephen you sound fancier. Its me. Stephen do you say vase . Or vozz . I think i say flower holder because i didnt graduate from college. This is a flower holder, right . Stephen that is. That is a cup. You can put a flower in it. Are you serious . Do you know how flowers work . Stephen i apologize. I got so sidetracked by aunt. snorts laughter applause i promised myself i wasnt going to snort tonight. Stephen i love a good snort. snorts stop okay. cheers and applause it really is natural. You do that to me. laughter stephen im honored. laughter youre the bomb, girl. snorts the book is this is just my face try not to stare. The lady is Gabourey Sidibe. Well be right back. applause th so find a venus smooth that contours to curves, the smoother the skin, the more comfortable you are in it. Flexes for comfort, and has a disposable made for you. Skin smoothing venus razors. My friends know me so well. They can tell what im thinking, just by looking in my eyes. But what they didnt know was that i had dry, itchy eyes. I used artificial tears from the moment i woke up. To the moment i went to bed. So i finally decided to show my eyes some love,. Some eyelove. Eyelove means having a chat with your eye doctor about your dry eyes because if youre using artificial tears often and still have symptoms, it could be chronic dry eye. Its all about eyelove, my friends. 60 of women are wearing the w. Experience leaks. Introducing always my fit. Find the number thats right for your flow and panty size on the top of any always pack. The better the fit, the better it protects. Always. Stephen thats it for the late show. Good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from punxsutawney, michigan, give it up for your host, the one, the only james corden