growling salmon. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Jessica Lange, gold. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing thank you folks, welcome to the late show piano riff welcome to the late show. I am your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause i want to thank everybody at home joining us. Were about 20 minutes late because of the masters. Hope you enjoyed it with the little ball in the hole. Before we get started, i just want to take a second to say that, as you may or may not know, that the great comedian don rickles died today at the age of 90, and while i didnt know don rickles, i did have the incredible honor to meet him once backstage at the emmys. We were both up for best host of a variety show, and the better one of us won. I went over to congratulate him when he was doing his photos backstage with his emmy and our show the colbert show just won for writing. applause he hugged me and told me i was good, and i felt like a made man because we all should have his career and be who he was. Married to his wife, i dont know, 120 years, Something Like that. So god bless you don rickles and thank you. Thank you for everything youve done. Keeper cheers and applause theres a Big New Development in the trumprussia investigation. Earlier today, House Intelligence Committee chairman and guy who once looked at a magic eye poster and cant snap out of it, devin nunes, stepped aside from the investigation. cheers and applause right . piano riff hes gone. Do you know what this means . Now a totally different republican will be covering trumps ass. laughter but its not forever. Nunes said hes stepping down temporarily. Its only temporary. Maybe 1520 years, depending on which judge he gets. laughter you see, nunes is stepping aside because the House Ethics Committee is determined to investigate allegations that nunes may have made unauthorized disclosures of classified information. Good news, congressman nunes we found the leaker hes in your mirror. laughter applause okay . The guy you shave, thats the guy. What else. Oh, this is huge. The fight continues over the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee and accountant looking up from his tax forms to dream of being a playwright, neil gorsuch. And today was a battle royale, with cheese in the senate. You see, the democrats took a stand. Breaking news from the senate floor the senate has wrapped up now that first important vote. The vote tally was 55 to 45. And with that, that means the democrats have successfully filibustered President Trumps Supreme Court nominee, neil gorsuch. cheers and applause stephen woooohooooo they did it yeah hell, yeah yeah, man they did it democrats won for about an hour. laughter because then, Senate Republicans forced an historic rule change to advance gorsuch anyway. audience reacts to, no, no, listen its like the saying goes, if at first you dont succeed, change the rules and now you win laughter the rule change was getting rid of the filibuster, a last resort commonly known as the Nuclear Option. Heres how it works the democrats filibuster the nomination. So the senate casts a vote to break the filibuster. When that doesnt pass, the senate revotes on that same motion. And when that doesnt pass, Majority Leader Mitch Mcconnell introduces a point of order that it should take 51 votes instead of 60 to overcome a filibuster of a Supreme Court nominee. And its called the Nuclear Option because they need some part of it to sound exciting. laughter now, not every republican wanted this. Heres what john mccain said tuesday about anyone who would defend the Nuclear Option. I would like to meet that idiot. I would like to meet that numbskull that would say that. That, after 200 years, at least 100 years of this tradition, where the senate has functioned pretty well, theyd think it would be a good idea to blow it up. Whoever says that is a stupid idiot. cheers and applause stephen hmm. Jon choice words there. Stephen you have to be pretty dumb for mccain to call you a stupid idiot because he thought sarah palin could be president. laughter applause pros a bold, bold stance, but thats the maverick or it was, because today mccain voted for the Nuclear Option. audience reacts well, senator mccain, in the words of an american hero, youre a stupid idiot. laughter cheers and applause thats not me talking to him. I think youre great. This other guy thinks youre an idiot. piano riff speaking of stupid idiots, donald trump. applause the president had a big guest at maralago today chinese president , xi jinping. Theres a lot to work out between our two nations the threat from north korea, the status of taiwan, and how to pronounce this china. China. China. China. You know, china china china china china stephen you would think hed know how to pronounce it, its on the label of all his neckties. cheers and applause stephen trump has been planning this meeting since the start of his campaign i would not be throwing him a dinner. Weve had this conversa i would get him a mcdonalds hamburger and say, you, we gotta get down to work. Stephen thats also his idea of a great first date. All right, youve had your big mac, now lets work on little donny. laughter its salty, its got the special sauce. audience reacts what . what . and oddly sesame seeds. audience reacts trumps going to the meeting feeling confidant on the way down to maralago. Trump told reporters on air force one, i think weve had one of the most successful 13 weeks in the history of the presidency. I dont know if its the most successful. I can say its not the least. William Henry Harrison died of pneumonia four weeks in. Nah, still better than trump. And trumps been doing a lot of crowing. You might even call him a cock. laughter to the new york times, he made an extraordinary claim about a demoratic congressman Elijah Cummings was in my office, and he said, you will go down as one of the great president s in the history of our country. really . I get the you will go down part, but, after that, you kind of lost me. cheers and applause jon im going down and you aint around yeah stephen let me remind you, Elijah Cummings is a member of the Congressional Black Caucus and lifelong progressive democrat. So if this quote sounds a little farfetched, its because, yeah, representative cummings released a statement saying, i have said repeatedly that trump could be a great president if if he takes steps to truly represent all americans rather than continuing on the divisive and harmful path he is currently on. So apparently, no matter what you say to trump, he only hears the good parts. laughter Everything Else just sounds like the Charlie Brown teacher. Wawawawawa, great president , wawawawawa. applause piano riff today were learning more about a big event yesterday when steve bannon was removed from the National Security council. cheers and applause its so nice to have bannon fans here tonight theyre so rare, so rare. It wasnt easy to remove him. They held a hot match against his back until he released his pincers. laughter they think the head might still be in there. Might get an infection. Now, a senior white house official said that bannons departure is in no way a demotion, and that what bannon set out to do on the council has been accomplished. Im not sure if he accomplished his goal. There are still some muslims in america. laughter still some, right . Can you check on that . A couple. Okay, good. But word on the street is that Jared Kushner helped push steve bannon out. How many jobs does that kid have . laughter im not sure im surprised by this. Im not surprised at all, in fact, because theres friction between these two, because whenever kushners not around, bannon calls him a cuck. And bannon tried to stop the demotion, threatening at one point to quit if it went forward. Wait, steve bannon, you threatened to quit if you got kicked off the National Security council, then you got kicked off, and you didnt quit . Thats a t. C. M. , bro. Total cuck move. cheers and applause piano riff hashtag t. C. M. laughter join the conversation. cheers and applause this was on msnbc, on the coffee joe morning it is reported that when bannon threatened to leave, he said, if my talents arent needed here, i can take them somewhere else. Oh, yeah, there are so many places where Steve Bannons talents would be welcomed cross burning laughter as an extra on the walking dead, or philadelphias Mutter Museum of medical oddities if you havent been, you must go. But, again, bannon refutes all of this. He says that, under obama, the n. S. C. Was operationalized, and he was just there to ensure that it was deoperationalized. Its impossible to know what he means because neither of those are words. But he enmeaningized them. Now some people are saying that bannons departure is part of a bigger rift in the west wing, between the nationalists and the globalists. Yes, the nationalists versus the globalists. Its like the jets versus the sharks, but no latinos. Easy, ban pow, pow, pow, pow, pow cheers and applause piano riff stephen weve got a great show for you tonight Jessica Lange is here. Stick around. cheers and applause band playing yoheres your reward. 100,000th point. Can i get one more . Thatll be 15,000 points. Some Loyalty Programs arent always rewarding. Thanks captain obvious. But hotels. Com is. Its small batch. Instant savings now, free nights later. Hotels. Com. The goalie has studied every one of your shots. She knows youre going for her left corner. She even teases you, calling the shot. But her legs are the ones trembling, not yours. Time to shine. Orbit. School lunch can be difficult. Cafeteria chaos. One little struggle. Can lead to one monumental mishap. Not with ziploc easy open tabs. Because life needs ziploc. Sc johnson. cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody. Give it up for the band cheers and applause all right, welcome back, everybody. Please. Im just going to do this over here again, do it over here again, because i have a very special announcement right now. I just found out, right before the show, something we didnt know. You know how we had the lateseason storm stella . Well, we made a little fun of the Weather Channel because theyre not allowed to name anything, but they do it anyway. Theyre not part of the government. And they named is winter storm stella, so we made fun of them by renaming it winter storm crazy balls. And it turns out, just having some fun, it turns out theyve got a sense of humor because theyve just told us and this is i can say this . Okay. Next year, for the 2017 2018 winter storm season, the third storm, the letter c storm, will be winter storm colbert. cheers and applause there it is. Jon thats what were talking about wooo stephen its true. This is real. This is real. And i have i have always said it is so great that the Weather Channel does this. They should be part of the government. Theyre really such an important part of our culture. Jon right, right, right. Stephen looking forward to that next year. Please, everyone stay safe during winter storm colbert. Speaking of natural disasters, donald trump. laughter today, President Trump went to a rally in ypsilanti, michigan. And he talked about his close ties with the auto industry. During my first week in office, i brought American Auto companies to the white house. None of them ever got to see the because nobody took them into the oval offers they employ tens of thousands of people, but i brought them into the oval office. Stephen its true. Trump was the first president to bring Auto Executives into the oval office. Hes also the first to bring in steve bannon, k. F. C. Lunch buckets, and that beeping houseplant he got from vladimir putin. Beautiful, never seems to be watered. And trump also talked about other big changes he plans now that hes in office. Our trade deficit last year reached nearly 800 billion. Nothing happened. But something did happen, happened on november 8. Believe me, it happened. Stephen always so inspirational when, four months after the election, the president s message is, believe me, this happened. It reminds me of m. L. K. s this is not a dream speech. Wake up. I think thats how it goes. Jon i dont remember it like that. Stephen and tonight that was today, tonight the president is in nashville, tennessee, holding a huge rally in hopes of winning last years popular vote. laughter its going to happen. But meanwhile, the obamacare replacement, the trumpcare, is in huge trouble. Its too conservative for moderates, too moderate for conservatives. Its like a formula 1 race car made by volvo that runs on the tears of old people. laughter doctors hate it, retirees hate it, humans hate it, breitbart hates it this bill is so unpopular and offensive, trump might appoint it to his cabinet. laughter cheers and applause jon there might be a position for it. Stephen big fans of trumps cabinet here tonight. So with opposition on all sides, some are warning the president what passing this bill could do to his reelection hopes. I think donald trump is going to get caught on this in 2020. I think this is a trap set for trump. Stephen oh, its a classic trump trap. laughter you know how to set a trump trap you just prop a box up with a stick put a taco ball under it and do the trump call classy boobs classy boobs classy boobs well be right back with Jessica Lange. cheers and applause band playing new, peach, from limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Various shouting heigh ho its off to work we go woman on the gulf coast, new exxonmobil projects are expected to create over 45,000 jobs. And each job created by the Energy Industry supports two others in the community. Altogether, the industry supports over 9 million jobs nationwide. These are jobs that natural gas is helping make happen, all while reducing americas emissions. Energy lives here. All while reducing americas emissions. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Before you set out, you plan to capture every moment. But what you really cant plan for is when the moment captures you. Marriott now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts. Arbreak through your allergies. Try new Flonase Sensimist instead of allergy pills. Its more complete allergy relief in a gentle mist you may not even notice. Using unique mistpro technology, new Flonase Sensimist delivers a gentle mist to help block six key inflammatory substances that cause your symptoms. Most allergy pills only block one. And six is greater than one. Break through your allergies. New Flonase Sensimist cheers and applause band playing stephen i was just talking to pay no attention to the man behind the counter. Thanks. Welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is a legendary actress who is currently portraying the legendary actress Joan Crawford in fxs feud. Bette, its todays work, its a good scene and joan likes it. I never said that. I agree with bette, the writing doesnt begin to capture howski. The intent is there. But the execution is lackluster. You work on that. See what you can do. Well anxiously be awaiting a rewrite. I like that, anxiously awaiting. laughs . Stephen please welcome Jessica Lange. applause Stephen Lovely to meet you. Thank you for being here. Yes. Thank you for asking me. Stephen now, i dont know if anybody here, like the producer who talked to you before you came out here, told you that youre partially responsible for me being in show business. No stephen yeah, yeah. Why . Stephen why . Well, i was a young man in college studying philosophy, and i didnt know what to do with myself. I wasnt going to open a philosophy shop. And i came home from college, and my mom, while i was away freshman year, had gotten cable, now that i wasnt there anywhere g. M. laughter and i came home one night after being out with friends and there was this movie on that i had heard of but never seen called all that jazz. In all that jazz if you havent seen it, its a tremendous movie. You play the inspiration to joel gideon. Youre death. Angel of death. Stephen youre the angel of death. Of course, right. Stephen and i watched and i went, death doesnt look that bad. It looks pretty good. Its not a flattering portrayal of show business. No. Stephen and i just thought i have to be part of that. So thank you, thank you for helping suck me in to this circus world we live in now. That was fosse. He was really something, wasnt he . Stephen i didnt know him but, yeah, what an extraordinary character. Yeah, yeah. Stephen the ugly looks beautiful and the ugly is beautiful in that world. Yeah. No, i mean, and he really you know, with that film, i mean, he he really felt strongly about, like, this imaginary character, you know. And we were way over budget, way over schedule, and the studio didnt want to shoot it, and he really insisted, like, taking that last week and shooting all those scenes with the angeath. Stephen that was after Everything Else was done in yes, it was his fantasy of how he wanted to die. Which was great, i think. Stephen yeah. Well in it you play an absolute you play a a perfection of beauty. He sees death as a perfection of says. Yes. Stephen you and the rose are the same. Thats quite a compliment. That was. Yeah. Well, it was a long time ago. laughter stephen not at all. Not at all. I mean, Everybody Knows you as an actress, but youre also a photographer. Yeah. Stephen and youve done that for a lot of your life, right . You love photography. I do love photography. I havent been doing it that long. I was interested in it for a very long time, but ive only been shooting myself not shooting myself. You understand. laughter stephen i understand the nomenclature. I have only been shooting about 15 years or so. Stephen you also made a Childrens Book of both photography and youve written this Childrens Book. Yeah. Stephen its about a little bird. Right. Stephen its based on a true story. What is the true story . Well i was shooting this film called titus in rome, and i was there by myself. And i, one day, was walking down the street, and there was, like, a bird market, and i bought this little canary and took it home. And it lived with me the whole time that i was working in rome. And then the film was over, and it was time to come back to the states. And i thought, well, what am i going to do with this bird . I cant just give it away or leave it. So i called some of these, like, you know, people that i assumed would know about this kind of stuff and asked, how do i get a bird back to the states . And they would, like they had no idea. You know, it was always like, oh, i think youre going to have to put him in quarantine for a year or so. Birds dont live that long to begin with. So it was and this was pre9 11. I always have to preface it by that. I put the bird in my pocket. And we went through customs, and passport control. And this little, beautiful little canary in my pocket, and we got on the airplane, and i took him out of my pocket, and put him in my handbag, and he had water and food. We made the flight. And i took him back, i went to the bathroom with my handbag, and i took him back out of there, put him back in my pocket, and we went through customs, and stephen so your bag went through the xray thing with a bird inside . And no one noticed . No, no, no, no xray. Pre9 11. You would just go through yeah. So, no. The bird was in my pocket. I mean, i just walked right through. laughter i mean, the bird wasnt in the when it went through, like, the bag. Stephen it wasnt in there. It wasnt in there. Then he was in my pocket. But he was great because stephen you are are you you are technically im a bird smuggler. Stephen youre an international criminal. I am. laughter applause i probably am. But in the scheme of things, what are we talking about. Stephen now, the the series on fx, its a short series, called feud. Its about Joan Crawford and bette davis, when they were making whatever happened to baby jane . , right . Well, its around that area, i mean, that time. But it it goes and forth because it covers a lot of their earlier life. It covers their later life. So its not just concentrated on that time. Stephen did they have a longterm feud . Well, you know, i think there was a lot of competition. I think there was a lot of i mean, you know, there was not they did not enjoy each other when they worked together. laughter yeah. Stephen you know youre not under oath. It will be fine. You really feel like youre testifying before congress right now. I do. Im trying stephen id like a lawyer present before i answer that question. All that double speak that you hear. Im practicing. Stephen youre a famous actress. Do you have any feuds out there . No. I mean, for instance stephen would you like one . laughter . I feud in my head with people. But i dont have like, now im carrying on a feud with kellyanne conway, just in my head. Stephen in your head, yeah. cheers and applause piano riff well, you can open your microwave and yell right at her, right into the microwave. The thing, is really, if you got a script, as an actor, and that script came, you know, to you and, you know, they preface it by saying, youve been offered this part. Your agent calls you, youve been offered this part. One of the most important women in the government right now. Shes a counsel to the president. Shes a spokesperson. And then you pick up the you read it, and you think theyve got to be kidding. This is, like, are they you know, here youve got a scene where you talk about alternative facts . Youve got a scene where you, like, you know, imagine that, like, the microwave is turning into a camera. I mean, you go to the inauguration dressed as a nutcracker. laughter cheers and applause . Stephen just the lady to play. You could do such a good job. Cast this woman. Would you you can just hear that conversation between the actor, are you kidding me . Nobodys going to take this character seriously. Shes a joke. Stephen jessica, nobody does. laughter Jessica Lange, everybody. Feud airs sundays on fx. Thank you so much for being here. Starbucks narino 70 cold brew coffee. In stores now. Only at starbucks. [whistle] hi. Get up to 50 off all dresses. Womens from 15 bucks. Girls from 10. Hi, fashion. Old navy. When youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. Or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. Inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. Including worsening of symptoms. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. Just ask your doctor about taltz. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest hosted egypts First Political satire show, until the government decided it would be egypts last political satire show. Please welcome Bassem Youssef cheers and applause band playing stephen nice to see you again. Oh, my god. Im so happy. Stephen you are . Yeah, im not deported yet. Its amazing. Stephen oh, thats wonderful. Good luck. Good luck. Last time you were here, doctor, you said america this was in july you said, america had the healthy body of democracy with a large orange mole on its ass. laughter . Yeah. Stephen you are a former doctor. What is your prognosis now . Heres my professional opinion, stephen. And believe me, people should stop trying to diagnose the mole. Because nobody understands the mole. laughter it could be a benign mole, a malignant mole, a russian mole. It could be any kind of mole. laughter and i think we just have to focus on just getting rid of the mole. And because nobody. cheers and applause stephen youve got youve got a couple of projects out. One is, youve got a book called revolution for dummies. Yes. Out next week . Yes. Stephen next tuesday . Okay. You say you can use trump as a way to explain dictators to us. Yeah. Stephen where does trump fall on the dictator scale because hes not a dictator. What are things about his behavior that seem resonant to you. First of all, if he would run in the middle east, he would be considered a liberal hippie tree hugger. He would be grabbing bush every day. laughter applause stephen you mean tree, a small tree. Like small trees. Stephen small tree, exactly. Stephen now, we have this segment we do on the show here. Its called big furry hat. Yeah. Stephen and where i go up there and i make declarations to the people. You noticed that was it mubarak or morsi . Morsi. Stephen morsi wore a big hat. Yes. Stephen and you mocked him 2013. Stephen on your show by wearing a big, stupid hat. laughter and how did that turn out for you . Oh, i i was there was a warrant for my arrest. I went there stephen after this. Yeah, yeah. I was i was interrogated for six hours. It was funny because the guy who was interrogating me and the lawyers in the room were laughing at the jokes, because he was interrogating me about things i said in the show. And what was funny is that at the beginning of the of the interrogation, he said, we have some cds for you, your episode, so we can review it. And they tried for 15 minutes to play it on this outdated windows 95 computer. And i tried to help them. laughter because it was taking too long. Stephen right. So i was actually helping them to play the evidence against me, which is crazy. But that is, like, thats like only one of the few things that happened to me. I was accused of insulting the president , insulting islam, spreading false rumors. Later under the current regime i was insulted of accused of insulting the army, being a secret operative. But the craziest accusation i ever had was they accused me of being recruited by the c. I. A. Through jon stewart. laughter stephen they said that jon stewart was an a. C. I. A. Recruit. Stephen who recruited you to work for the c. I. A. To bring down the country through satire. laughter stephen and you and i both know you and i both know, thats not true. Laugh of course. Stephen because that would mean im probably an agent, too, because ive known jon longer than you have. Yeah. Stephen and the idea that jon is recruiting us is a terrible idea. Do you think hes actually in an animal farm . laughter . Stephen ill tell you what i love. My favorite thing about you being arrested if youll pardon me having a favorite thing. Please. Stephen im a huge fan of you being arrested. My favorite thing about you being arrested is, when you were arrested you turned yourself in, and a crowd of people went with you and this is, again, after you wore this hat, mocking the president. You were arrested and you showed up. laughter wearing the hat. cheers and applause thats the real deal. Thank you. Stephen thats a comedian. Thank you. Stephen thank you. And thank you very much. I would like to thank you, stephen, because i am the third middle eastern in only two weeks to be hosted on this show. And i just want to ask you, are you turning us in . laughter is there some secret lobotomy operations happening inside . Is in the middle eastern version of get out . laughter . Stephen no, and im definitely not recruiting you for the c. I. A. Definitely definitely stephen bassem, lovely to see you again. His book, revolution for dummies, and his documentary, tickling giants, are out tuesday. Bassem youssef, everybody. Well be right back with judy gold. Stick around. Get play proof kids gearhls built for springtime fun like jumping beans dresses for only 12 7 mix and match tops and bottoms and carters sandals 19. 99. Youll get kohls cash too. Play proof guarantee only at kohls. With motionsense technology. Degree has redefined deodorant so that i can redefine. Power. Footwork. Range. The more i move, the more it works. Degree. It wont let you down. Its not easy to brew a beer this easy to drink. Bud light is tasted by brewmasters every step of the process. Its a tough job, but for you and your friends, its worth it. We dont just brew beer. We brew beer for friends. We dont just brew beer. To encourage trying, goodnessknows invited people who have always wanted to create a jingle, to try. singing goodnessknows, goodnessknow. Ah thats not happening singing goodnessknows, goodnessknows, goodnessknows because every try is a step to being your best. singing try a little goodness. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, folks. Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an emmywinning comedian and podcaster. Please welcome judy gold. applause stephen thanks for being here. Oh, my god do you know how excited i am . I love you so much. I watch the show constantly well, once a night. And i loved oh, youre so talented stephen i have such strong affection for you right now, too, for some reason. Really, really. Stephen i actually saw you in a wonderful production of taming of the shrew in the summer, shakespeare in the park. Shakespeare in the park. It was an allfemale taming of the shrew. I played a guy, thank you. Stephen had you done shakespeare before that . I had never done shakespeare, and they asked me to audition for it, and i was like, all right. And i gave up a lot of money, touring. But it was like going to graduate school. I cant tell you. It was the most incredible experience. Were in central park. The raccoons were on stage with us. Stephen oh, no, there were lots of animals. It was unbelievable. It was like you were at the zoo. Stephen you are in a scene and you could be upstaged by a heron flying by you. Youre at the most serious part, and all of a sudden, the audience is crack up. And youre like, whats going on . And there is a raccoon running across the stage. It was really fun. Stephen you have a podcast which is called kill me now. laughter its a message of hope. laughter what is pissing you off now . What are the things that you want people to kill you now about . Well, theres one thing that pisses me off constantly, and his name is trump. laughter but, you know, what i find really annoying about him . He is the only native new yorker who has never been to therapy. And he needs therapy more than any human being. cheers and applause ever so he really im in a constant state of being pissed off because of him. You know what really has, really gotten to me lately . The fact that everyone has a food issue now. Like, i love to eat. And you cant just meet someone and go, hey lets meet here and well go eat. Oh, i dont eat that. I dont eat that. It is so annoying. It started this is my theory it started in the 80s. Remember when everyone was lactose intolerant. I cant eat dairy. I cant drink milk. Everyone has explosive diarrhea every now and then. You dont give up an entire food group. laughter now everyone is gluten i cant with the gluten free. Im sorry. I cannot. We have been eating wheat for thousands of year. Its in the bible, manna, bread, bread, manna from heaven and now its like did you ever notice, like, every time im not kidding. I have a lot of glutenfree friends and theyre annoying and overweight stephen you had glutenfre friends. I had gluten stephen till just now. Touche. Every time i see a glutenfree friend, theyre always eating something sort of cake or brownie. And youre like, wait, i thought i was gluten free. Oh, its a glutenfree brownie, judy. It tastes exactly like a brownie. Whats in it . Theres no eggs, theres no dairy, theres no flour. Theres no chocolate. Try it, judy, it tastes exactly like it tastes like a piece of cardboard with black sharpie on it. Thats what it tastes like. cheers and applause stephen but gluten free. But it is gluten free, and im not having gluten, gluten, gluten. Stephen also, youre in an upcoming series on showtime called im dying up here. Kill me now, and im dying up here. I see a theme stephen this is a series about standup in the 1970s. Right. Stephen you play a standup in the 1970s. Right. Stephen when is this . I remember standup in the 70s, because there was a shift. When steve martin came along it changed. Suddenly he was so huge, it changed what you can do on stage. When does this take place . Its about that time. And its really the start of remember, the boom was really in the 80s, you know. And we got so much stage time because every place had a comedy club, you know. And this takes place around that time. I actually i know this is going to be shocking i play an older comedian. laughter stephen mmhmm. You know what they say, comedy is an old mans game. Thats right. And im an old man. Stephen whats the dumbest name of a comedy club you played . Ill tell you my dumbest. My dumbest mine go ahead. Stephen my dumbest was in baton rouge, louisiana. It was called the grin room. It was the dumbest place. The grin room . Stephen the grin room. I mean oh, god. Mine has to be hahas. Im not kidding, hahas comedy club. Thats like naming a comedy club l. O. L. S. Stephen or a restaurant yumyum. Judy, it was lovely to see you. Thank you for having me. Stephen her podcast is kill me now. Judy gold, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be mandy patinkin, zosia mamet, and jerrod carmichael. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, drew carey and keke palmer. Good night cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs no audio james this is where i check in. Checking in