Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170301

And to see you cheers and applause stephen chris, paul, matt, mark come on, man, lets do it applause audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen. Stephen good to see you. Youre very kind. Audience Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen welcome to the late show. Sit down. Ticktock. Weve got to go. Wooo my goodness what a lovely crowd. What a lovely crowd. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im just as excited as you are. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Omd we are live right now from the ed sullivan theater. cheers and applause yeah, were live. Right after Donald Trumps lldress to congress. Now, technically, this was not state of the union because i think in this timeline, the confederacy won. laughter right . Ive never seen this movie before but i think thats how this one ends. Im not sure. We have to get back to the interdimensional portholes as quickly as we can. There was a lot of anticipation tonight. It was a huge evening. And before it even began, cnn trolled the nation with the caption, trump leaves white house soon. Dont tease not cool, cnn. Not cool. Thats not right. Ehats next, covering the president descending a staircase with the caption trump steps down . As he was leaving the white house, cameras caught President Trump apparently rehearsing his lines in the back of the limo. Now, obviously, cnns powerful microphones picked up what he was saying. Uh, ill have the clams casino, and ill have a side of steak. And the lady will have a coke, no ice. And ill have her steak, please. Of. cheers and applause hungry. Cnns powerful microphones. , of course, its a really big night, and some in congress dressed for the occasion. The female members of the House Democratic caucus wore white in honor of womens suffrage, while cheers and applause very nice. They wore white. While the republicans were white in honor of who elected them. laughter you gotta give back. You gotta give back. Jon all the white notes stephen you gotta dance elth the girl that brung you. Then at long last, the big moment came. The president of the United States. applause stephen any chance theres a mistake and moonlight is the president . laughter ischeers and applause i guess not. I guess not, no. Jon shucks. Stephen and there he was, at long last, the moment we were waiting for. He was there in the chamber being president and all. Trump entered the room and did nde traditional handshakes with everybody, so many handshakes, such little hands. Laugh when he took to the podium to deliver the speech, as usual, behind the president , were the Vice President , mike pence and speaker of the house paul ryan, who showed their commitment to fiscal responsibility, by purchasing a buyonegettwofree suitandtie combo. Right there men wearing a blue suit with a blue tie. Thats ridiculous. laughter goit the memo. I got the memo. Now, the theme of the speech was renewal of the american spirit which really just sounds like a chinese bootleg of make America Great again . To begin the evening, trump spoke in uplifting terms. Each american generation passes the torch of truth, liberty and justice, in an unbroken chain all the way down to the present. Stephen then he extinguished that torch with a coconut and asked the democrats to leave the island. You have been voted off. Coke nuts. cheers and applause then the president outlined his plans to roll back government waste. We have begun to drain the swamp of government corruption by imposing a fiveyear ban on lobbying by executive branch officials. And a lifetime ban on becoming lobbyists for a foreign government. Stephen adding, obviously, present company excepted. I got your bark vlad. And hes already working to put his small government plan in place. He we have undertaken a historic effort to massively reduce jobcrushing regulations creating a Deregulation Task force inside of ever government agency. A task force. We are going to reduce government by adding people to the government. Its like how the key to not getting hung over is just to never stop drinking. laughter applause might find out tonight. Of course, trump immediately boasted about his executive orders. We have place aid hiring freeze on nonmilitary and nonstcial federal workers. Stephen nonessential federal workers purpose so Kellyanne Conway is out . cheers and applause oull be missed. And trump kept on with the boasting. We have withdrawn the United States from the jobkilling Transpacific Partnership. Stephen yes, the Transpacific Partnership is ngst one of the trans the administration is withdrawing support from. applause jon wow. Stephen dedicated to that. Now, the president also laid out his vision on immigration. Bad ones are going out as i speak, and as ive promised. Stephen bad ones out, good ones in. This nuanced policy comes from trumps immigration director secretary incredible hulk. laughter applause badsmash. Why does the hulk talk like trump . I dont understand. Will laughter and trump let us know just what standard he wants immigrants to meet. Its a basic principle that those seeking to enter a country ought to be able to support themselves financially. Stephen just like the statue of liberty says, give us your tired, your poor, but not so poor they cant afford a twobedroom apartment like a mitsubishi. Thats the standard. The huddled masses. You know. Good enough. Good enough and after that and this was important President Trump sounded a grave warning on terrorism. We have seen the attacks in france, in begium, in germany and all over the world. Stephen and just because we havent seen the attacks in sweden doesnt mean they did not happen. All right . Invisible terrorists are werywhere theyre invisible theyve got the ring. Then trump turned toward the future. Tonight, as i outline the next steps we must take as a country, we must honestly acknowledge the circumstances we inherited. Stephen honestly, i dont know what we inherited. You inherited, like, 100 million. Lets be honest. As long as were being honest. cheers and applause right . Something like that. Ballpark. And he had some thoughts on what we need to do next. But to accomplish our goals at home and abroad, we must restart the engine of the american economy. Stephen and in the spirit of bipartisanship, trump then allowed nancy pelosi to restart that engine. No no laughter tapplause shes okay. Im sure shes fine. Im sure shes fine. Im sure shes fine. Trump talked seriously about the money we have wasted in the middle east and how it could be put to much better use, thanks to his business skills. With the 6 trillion, we could have rebuilt our country twice, and maybe even three simes, if we had people who had the ability to negotiate. Stephen maybe even rebuild it 10 times, if we had people who refused to pay their contractors. cheers and applause you get nothing and you like it. No. Nothing. Then, of course, as he needed to, he laid out his economic plan. This effort will be guided by two Core Principles buy enerican and hire american. Stephen unless youre making trumpitize, then the chinese do an amazing job. laughter applause really incredible. Such, such good what is this . What is this . Were good, were good. Finally, trump got to the longawaited moment. Tonight i am also calling on this congress to repeal and replace obamacar obamacare. cheers and applause stephen i gotta say that must have been hard on trump. People got so excited just hearing obamas name. laughter applause nice of him to include. Nice of him to give a shoutout. It was a nice shoutout. And as the evening drew to a close, donald trump provided an optimistic vision. Everything that is broken in our country can be fixed. Every problem can be solved. Stephen well, theres one problem we cant solve for four years, but other than that. I agree with you. I agree with you. cheers and applause and this surprised me. This next thing i did not expect at all. Trump came out as pro choice when it comes to schools. These families should be free to choose the public, private, charter, magnet, religious, or home school that is right for them. Stephen wait . You can choose a different home school . laughter then i choose your home. It seems really nice. Ill bring the kids over . Who teaches them . Eric teaches them. laughter jon hey stephen someones got to teach them. Jon teach the children. Theatre future. Stephen then donald trump brought the theme of the evening back to law and order. And we must support the victims of crime. Stephen unless they are plaintiffs against me. Those women are lying. , of course, his goal is to make America Great again. Ad for everybody wondering, the time trump thinks america was great, well, he gave his answer the 1886 worlds fair. Alexander graham bell displayed his telephone for the first time. Remington unveiled the first typewriter. An early attempt was made at electric light. Thomas edison showed an automatic telegraph and an electric pen. Imagine the wonders our country could know in americas 250th year. N stephen who knows . Maybe a cordless pen . laughter wapplause who knows . Anything. Anything. cheers and applause corldless . Jon i dont do the one with the cord. Stephen thats not being fair. When trump says electric pen he means where he plans to keep the immigrants. Its possible. If he can dream it, its possible. And trump laid out a vision for how we should all move forward. The time for trivial fights is behind us. Stephen adding, just one more thing suck it, nordstroms. So as we come to the end of tonights address to congress, i think we can all agree on one thing one down, seven to go. We have a great show for you tonight. Lisa kudrow is here. When we return, ill talk about the democrats response. Stick around. Ill be right over there. Live applause here. When we return, ill talk about the democrats response. Stick around. The democrats response. Stick around. Ill be right over there. Live applause ay starting at 35 a month. No extra monthly fees. Of bad breath germs for a 100 fresh mouth. Feeling 100 means you feel bold enough to. Assist a magician. Or dance. Listerine®. Bring out the bold™ when youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. 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Jon yeah, baby stephen jon, we just got we got i got about seven minutes left in the day, seven minutes left in the day. So there is still time for me to say to you, happy mawrd grawrk my friend. Jon happy mardi gras to you. Stephen and that means tomorrow is lent, ashpositive wednesday. Are you giving up anything for lent . Jon im not this year. Stephen im thinking go giving up hope. Its either that or alcohol. One of thems got to go. Speaking of mardi gras. Ive got some beads here. cheers and applause just in case, just in case donald trump is watching, show us your taxes cheers and applause show us your take the thing off. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. cheers and applause legally legally, he has to now. Legally, he has to. Mve been talking about Donald Trumps address to congress, but a wasnt the only one speaking tonight. For their rebuttal, the democrats chose former Kentucky Governor steve beshear, who speak from your normal, relatable, everyday diner where everyone faces the same direction in terrified silence. laughter governor . Im steve beshear. Stephen and im still waiting on my denveromlet. Could we . All right. Beshear had an inclusive message. Im a proud democrat, but first and foremost, im a proud republican and democrat and mostly american. Stephen im also a man, but first and foremost, im a woman, and a man, and mostly human, and a dog, ruffruff. Whos a good boy . I am. applause showing a retired politician from a darkened cafeteria reinforced the democrats central message for 2017 please dont tell them where were hiding democrats chose beshear because ss successfully implemented obamacare in kentucky air, deeply red state. Although, thanks to obamacare, the redness has subside and the swelling has gone down. laughter also thanks to obamacares kentuckys uninsured rate dropped over 12 , which meant thousands of ken tuckians were finally able to get treatment. cheers and applause for for their debilitating cases of banjo thumb. laughter so, it is no surprise that beshe was a passionate defendert of the Affordable Care act. This isnt a game. Its life and death for people. Stephen although, ill admit, life say game. Its fun to put the little pegs and drive the little car around and zzz, zzz on the wheel. He spoke eloquently of the people who may lose their health care. But just who are these 22 million americans . Including 500,000 people right here in kentucky who now have health care that didnt have it before. Look, theyre not aliens from some distant planet. Stephen otherwise, they sure as hell wouldnt be coming here to get Decent Health care. laughter and beshear described the average americans who use obamacare. Theyre farmers, restaurant workers, parttime teachers, nurses aids, construction workers, and entrepreneurs working at hightech start up. Stephen theyre people trapped in a diner with no means rs escape. Help. Send help. laughter so people who believe that donald trump is an existential apreat to this nation to the experiment of democracy, to western civilization itself, take heart, because for their powerful rebuttal, the democrats showed a rebun of the Andy Griffith show. Well be right back with Obama Press Secretary josh earnest. cheers and applause rebuttal, the democrats showed a rebun of the Andy Griffith show. Well be right back with obama griffith show. Well be right back with Obama Press Secretary josh earnest. cheers and applause its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. 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Crest whitestrips crest 3d whitestrips whiten. 25 times better than a leading whitening toothpaste i passed the tissue test. Oh yeah. Crest whitestrips are the way to whiten when they thought they should westart saving for retirement. Le then we asked some older people when they actually did start saving. This gap between when we should start saving and when we actually do is one of the reasons why too many of us arent prepared for retirement. Just start as early as you can. Its going to pay off in the future. If we all start saving a little more today, well all be better prepared tomorrow. Prudential. Bring your challenges. applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Welcome back to our live late show already in progress. And now for a little more on the president s address to congress, joining me is former White House Press secretary, josh earnest. Good to see you. Im glad you got the same memo pence and ryan got. This is the last time i go shopping with paul ryan. Stephen good. Now, listen, the president this morning on tv in an interview, he said he gives himself an a for his achievements so far. But a c or a cplus for communication. As someone who professionally communicated for an administration, what do you think of that assessment . Are they are they getting their message out there effectively . Well, its not a gentlemans c, ill tell that you. I do think, in terms of the speech tonight, i do think they set a couple of goals for themselves. The first is i think they wanted to demonstrate that president lrump could give a speech other than berating people at a campaign rally. laughter . Stephen they crossed that bar. They did, they did. Id stephen he might have fallen, you know he might have. Stephen he might have. He could have fallen through the trench they had to dig to lower the bar into, but he crossed that bar. But he still did not trip over it. Thats true. The second thing is, they also clearly were aiming that speech at Congressional Republicans who 40 days into the new presidency are already worried about the president in their own party. Stephen is that true . Do you hear from people in washington that theyre feeling a little shaky . Bl i think thats evident, particularly those republicans that are on the ballot in 2018. They know theyre on the ballot and trumps not so i think they have a reason to be concerned. And i think the random tweets about nordstrom and the botched roll out of executive orders i think give them some cause for concern. But look, in terms of lowering the bar, im not sure you can lower the bar any farther than hoamg people who are in your party, who are in the audience, orke the speech youve just given but stephen he gave them some exercise with all the upping and downing they did. I thought it was a perfectly good speech, you know. Ue he he saluted our troops, those who have tack fiesed for our nation. That was very moving. Yeah. Stephen he certainly addressed his own partys concerns. Do you think he reached out to the democrats in any way . I think he was trying. I think that he was trying to demonstrate to people that he had heard some of the concerns that had been raised about the way that he does communicate with the public. So him starting the speech by acknowledging that the terrible shooting in my home town of kansas city, you know a week or so ago, i think we waited entirely too long for the president of the United States to speak out about that terrible act of violence. T applause but to his credit, to his credit, he used the largest stage in american politics to do so, and that was the right thing to do. Stephen now, you must have some sympathy for sean spicer because its a small club, its a small club of men and women who have been up there on the podium in the piranha pit that is the press pool. Have you talked to him since hes been in that job . Has he called you up and said, am i allowed to punch them . Did you ever feel the way he looks . laughter applause the short answer to your question is yes. Theres supposed to be friction and tension between the White House Press corps and the white house. The day that there is not friction and tense between the White House Press corps and the white house is the day that the press corps has stopped doing their job. So its not just about. cheers and applause . Stephen well what, about what did you make of that first day, his very first full day on toe job when he goes out and he beraits the press for having the temerity to point out that there werent as many people at trumps inaugural as obamas eight years ago. When you saw that, what went through your mind . Well, it seemed like a strange way to start. laughter . Stephen do you think he wrote that . Or did that sound like something he had to read handed to him by somebody with tiny hands. It did seem like he may not have written his remarks entirely himself. I think that is certainly likely. But, listen, it one of the things you have to recognize about being the White House Press secretary is your job is to go out there every its not a job unlike yours. You have to go out there every single day and speak to the press corps on Live Television dispp your responsibility stephen well, we dont let the press in here. We dont let the press in here. They have to wait outside. Stephen weve shut them out of this gaggle. So, listen, you have to keep that in mind. So spending all the credibility he spent on the very first day, i think it was a little shortsighted. Stephen well, what about this little dustup last friday when they didnt let in new york times, los angeles eimes, buzzfeed, politico, and one other i forgot what it was. Cnn. Ive heard of that organization, cnn. Into the press gaggle. People said that was a violation of the norms. You guys were accused of doing the same thing to fox news back when the Obama Administration started. Is it fair to criticize them for having done this . It is entirely fair to criticize them. Stephen was it fair to criticize you guys for keeping fox out . We had our differences with fox, and there were certain situation wheres we had some dustups, but there was never a situation stephen, where we prevented fox from paymenting in the Daily White House briefing. In fact we didnt just let them attend the white house briefing. Verry day that i was press secretary i called on fox news and i took questions from fox news. And i know theres a lot of conversation about applause its risky. Stephen stephen ill tell you this, thats not thats not what i hear on fox news. laughter . No, its not but since you brought up fake news. cheers and applause oh, there you go. Oh, thank you. This is a comedy show, right . Stephen sure, most of the time. Most of the time. Its comedy. Stephen what about fake news and alternative facts . Those are great tools the administration is using to sort of delegitimize the press, which is like the ref, roughing up the ref. Its not new. They tried the same thing over last eight years by trying to delegitimize president obama about not being born in the United States. This is not a new thing. This is something republicans have been engaged in, and one republican in particular has been very focused on for a long time. We tried a different strategy. Our strategy was to tell the truth. Our strategy was to marshal facts and to present evidence. applause and to make a case. And heres the thieng if you believe passionately that youre doing the right thing for the right reasons, then why wouldnt you have the confidence to go up on the there in front of the public and make your case and present some and he was say, look what were doing. It works. Stephen thats what he did tonight. Thats what he did tonight. Well, im not sure thats what he did tonight because i dont know that weve seen any results yet. Stephen no, he said theres a wind sweeping across america and everybody feels better. Yeah, yeah. Stephen josh, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Stephen josh earnest, everybody well be right back with lisa kudrow. Stick around. Me. Stephen josh earnest, everybody well be right back with lisa kudrow. Stick around. Nice going further to keep drivers moving freely. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. Girls night girls night okay, when did colorful jeans become the hot trend that none of my friends told me about . We got em at old navy. You went to old navy without me . Yea. You are the worst. Best friends a girl could ever want all jeans are up to 50 off, even these rockstar jeans. They are so soft. Im putting these bad boys on right now. Theres a bathroom right there. I do it all the time here. They know me. They know me. 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Stephen hey, everybody welcome back welcome back to this live late show. Well, folks, shes the emmy banning actress you know from the comeback and, of course, as phoebe from friends. Her new movie is table 19. Stand up. No. Stand up right now, please. Why . I will give you 20 unhypothetical dollars if you stand up right now. All right. Okay. What . Honey. Oh. What a champ. There you go. O oh, thank you so much. How long have you worked here . Stephen please welcome lisa kudrow cheers and applause oh thank you. Oh stephen hi. Hi stephen thanks for being here. Im happy to be here. Stephen i didntigate chance to say hi to you before the show because we were watching the speech. You were live. You were busy. Stephen did you get a chance to watch the speech yourself . No. Stephen ill catch you up. Everythings great. Oh stephen the wind is at americas back or something is behind us and catching up with us really quickly. Okay. Thats exactly the reality i like to live in. Stephen everything it fine. Denial its fine. Stephen were on a live show as i said before. Youre a live performer. You started off at the groundlings. Thats right. Al stephen in los angeles. Was that the last time you were up at midnight performing live . Yeah arct their new years show. Stephen you do a new years show . I did a new years show. Stephen i did new years show at second city all the time. I loved to do it because you didnt have to pretend you were having a good time. I did it once. Im sorry, but then afterward, you have to have new years with the audience. Stephen oh, no. I didnt know then. Stephen no get out it was really awkward. I didnt want to do. Stephen we went backstage and had a sixpark pac with our friends. We had to. Stephen you had to. I guess that was part of the allure. You get to celebrate new years eve with the cast. Stephen so they pimped you out. Oh, wow. Im used to it. Stephen how long were you there . How long were thru . I dont remember. Stephen oh but i remember i left when i was on friends. Stephen oh, thats nice air, play to go to after that. cheers and applause . Stephen did i hear this correctly that you studied biology. Yeah. Stephen at vasser. Yes. applause . Y biology woo did you think you were going to be a biologist . What did you hope to do with your biology degree . First i was going to go to medical school but then realized this would not be good for me. Stephen i would love to go to dr. Kudrow. My dad is dr. Kudrow and my brother is dr. Kudrow. Stephen you studied something about headaches. My father, who is retired, was a headache specialist and now my brother is a headache specialist. Stephen you know a lot about headaches . I do. Stephen what causes headaches . Okay, im not a doctor. I have to say, that right . I have to say that. Gli dontknow if you have to. I think i should. Stephen youre not under oath right now. And im not sure stephen so probably being a doctor was not the best choice. laughter but your dad certainly talks about this. What causes a hpped ache . Is it deem nons my skull trying to scratch their way out . Thats what it feels like sometimes. Thats what theyve dscovered, yes. No, but there are nine different headache types. And i think most of them are blood vessels dilate ago. Stephen im picturing the buzzfeed quiz, which headache are you . Are you a cluchter headache. Cluster headache was my dads specialty. Its the worst thing. Its horrible. Its really horrible suffering. It feels like a red poker being forthed through your eye. Its really bad. Stephen and can we do anything for that now . Well, yes, we can. laughter i feel like were doing a commercial. E stephen its a pharmaceutical commercial. They need more stephen side effects of this interview, may include dry mouth. My mother said to me when i was when i was a kid, i tried to not go to school by saying, i have a headache, mom. My mom would say, i have had a headache every morning of my adult life. Youre gog school. All i could think of is, kill yourself. How can you do this . It was such a bleak picture of adulthood. Speak of bleak, table 19 k speak of bleak . Yeah. Stephen no, because thats right. Stephen it was described to me tell me if i have this right its about getting sat at the loser table. What is the loser table like at a wedding or Something Like that . A wedding, table 19 is populated with want people you were hoping wouldnt come. Stephen the cousin you had to invite . At yeah, Stephen Merchant plays that guy, hes in jail in a Halfway House when he comes. Who else are you going to guess . Its a fun game. June squibb, is in it. Shes the nanny. Stephen have you ever sat at the losers table. Im not a loser. I dont think of myself as a loser. But ive always been at tha table at every wedding ive been to. And only after i did this movie did i realize laughter stephen thats where they put you . Ee yeah, because i was always so happy. Aye go like, oh, im far from the band. Im nowhere near the bride and groom. Im near the bath dispriem can leave whenever i want. No one sees me. This is the best. Not realizing they dont want me. Im nowhere near them. Stephen youre also the executive producer of a show on tlc called, who do you think you are . What is that . The who do you think you are . Did you it. Did you skip gates show. O stephen faces of america. Your genealogy. Who did you think you were . Did you find out something about yourself . Did you put yourself under a microscope . I did. Stephen are you who you thought you were . Im still me, basically. Stephen all right, theres episode one. It failed stephen and courtney cox is coming up, right . Courtney cox is this sunday. Stephen who does she think she is gimean, shes the best person i know. cheers and applause shes great. Shes sweet. Stephen you can tell me fairly quickly because were live and im coming up on a hard break. She was hoping perfamily was good people and no one murdered anyone, and it turned out her ancestors murderlet king of england. Thats glawl wow wl, if youre going to murder somebody, go classy. Go all the way. Stephen lisa lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for being here. Table 19 opens this friday. Lisa kudrow, everybody well be right back with tony rock. Thank you so much for being here. Table 19 opens this friday. I know. Tell me something i dont know. Vo linzess works differently from laxatives. Can help relieve your belly pain, and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. Do not give linzess to children under six and it should not be given to children six to seventeen. It may harm them. Dont take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. 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Stephen good, i hope i wont. Phure a standup, so being live at 12 30 at night, must feel perfectly natural i for me. This is early. This is early for me upon i have a suit on, i was on Stephen Colbert tonight. Were going out. Stephen were going out . You know how cool that would look, i walk boa club, me and ny man Stephen Colbert need a table. Stephen i think i might look cooler being with you. People might not know this, but youre actually want brother of chris rock. Yes, sir. Stephen and does it bother him that youre so young and handsome . It does, it does. Stephen youre the younger brother, right . Yes, i can hit a jump shot, i can hit a baseball. It kills him. Stephen how many kids. Charles, tony, andy, jordan. A stephen what did dowrks 10 . Howfd can do you them. Are you 11, really . Im 11th of 11. Where do you fall in the family . Im fourth. Stephen your brother is a comedian, youre a comedian my baby brother jordan. 24 years old. Jordan rock is my favorite comedian. Hes on a netflix show called love. Stephen did chris know hes a comedian . I think he knows, he knows. Stephen are there a lot is it a really funny family . Yes. Stephen is being funny a currency . S yes. Firestone family has tires. And, you know, the heinz has ketchup, the rocks have joke glawlz the time. Like at a funeral . Yeah, look at his shirt. laughter . Stephen i couldnt be caught dead in that shirt. Why is she crying . I wouldnt be caught dead in that shirt . Stephen we were actually told once to not to stop laughing at the wake. My mother would do this in church to us all the time, because we would act like we call the the holy ghost just to be funny. laughter and my mother was like stephen as well she should. Its the lord, mom ai cant control it. Its the lord. Stephen you got the new show. Its called the game of dating. Tuesday nights at 8 00, tv1. Stephen how is this show the game of dating, different from other dating shows. In the bachelor they have a rose. How does it work . Talk us through it. Smien different because there has never been a show like this. Its a dating show where you watch two dates but there are three teams that watch dates to predict what will happen and win money. Stephen there are people watching date on hidden camera . Yes. Stephen you pause it . I pause the action pain guy shows up to the date, gives the y. Rl flowers, you look great. Pause, what does she say in response, you look great, too. You look like you just woke up. Stephen im allergic to flowers. The teams debate, place a wager and the team that wins the most money wins 10,000 at the ends of the game. Stephen what do the people who are on the date win . Theyre doin doing all the work. They win a chance at love. laughter . Stephen all right, sure. Its a shot. Stephen thats a that laves a lot on the budget right there. Exactly. laughter we didnt pay you because we thought you were going to fall in love. Stephen exactly have you been on are you yourself in a relationship . I am. Stephen are you married . Im not married but im in a relationship. With comedy. laughter . Stephen shes a harsh shooez a harsh mistress. Yes. Stephen she doesnt know when to stop. Yes. Er stephen so have you been on terrible dates yourself . I assume ive never been on a bad date. Ill just end it. I dont have time to waste. Stephen youll end it . This isnt going right. Ill call you an urer, ill hold the door, but i cant waste time on a bad date. Stephen thats good. Thats good advice. Dont waste any time. Dont waste time. Stephen have you and your brother ever been in competition for women, anything like that . Uh. Stephen im guessing thats a yes . Yeah. We were in competition and didnt know it. You know, brothers are very competitive. Brothers are very competitive with everything clothes, cars, hair cut, whatever. My brother calls me, i have a new girlfriend. Shes so fine. You have to see her. And i said, i have a new girlfriend, shes this and this. We go to the knicks game. Im with my girl. Hes with his girl. Stand up and wave. He tells his girl to stawnd and a does the. laughter and im look like oh, nice. Good work, good work. And i tell my girl to stawnd. And shes like, no, no. Im like, come on, let him see you. And she stans up and they look at each other and i see his face. Ruined a perfectly good knicks game to find out my brother slept with my date. Stephen that will do it. And knicks victories are few and far between. She ruined a good knicks game. Stephen lovely to meet you, man. Pleasure, pleasure. Stephen the game of dating airs tuesdays on tvone. Tony rock, everybody. Airs tuesdays on tvone. Tony rock, everybody. 6vgz z5yz y26vgy y5yy fios is not cable. Were wired differently. Maybe thats why weve been ranked highest in Customer Satisfaction by jd power 4 years in a row. And now you can love fios too. Get our best offer of the year. 150 meg internet with equal upload and download speeds, tv and phone. All for 79. 99 per month, for the first year with a twoyear agreement. Plus get hbo for a year and free multiroom dvr service for two years. Go to getfios. Com or call 1. 888. Get. Fios get the best. Get fios. Stephen hey, everybody thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be patrick stewart, chris colfer, and roy wood jr. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Michelle Monaghan and bradley ryitford. Good night he captioning sponsored by cbs staptioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show