They are always calling my house trying to get my money. Lets remember you preapproved me. I knew i didnt have any money. I get four calls a day. May i speak to anthony griffith. Hes not in. When do you expect him back . As soon as you hang up. I discovered the latest tactic is that they like to leave messages on your answering machine like they are your friend. I check my machine. Griff, whats up, dog . Give a brother a call. I am trying to hook up with you. Im at 1800. Really bizarre. When you get a credit card, you forget how much information you give them. They call my mama. Looking for me. They are like this guy owes me money. My mama is like he owes me money too. Now you got to be advanced. He is talking about if you dont pay us, this is going to hurt your credit. You have seen my credit . You cant hurt it. Hor you are these days . My parents are challenging my sanity. The last time i saw my parents it was over the holidays and i went to visit them and they decided that would be a good time to spring it on me that i was adopted. Really . Yeah. It was the worst kwanzaa ever. They had also missed surgery on our dog. You can cut a dogs vocal cords so it barks, but its silent. That is so cruel and mean. I spent 45 minutes thinking i had gone deaf. You know what, growing up, Everyone Wants to be Something Different like a bala or astronaut. I wanted to be a pina colada so my mom would Pay Attention to me. Thats why i became a comedian. Our house had a twodrink minimum. We are going take a break. Well be right back with more comics unleashed. Dont go away. Something bigger. Here. And something. Smaller. Juicy. Lettucey. Oniony. Cheesy. Iconic big mac®. Now in three sizes, for a limited time only. Ba da ba ba ba fivesecond rule protection. New lysol kitchen pro eliminates 99. 9 of bacteria without any harsh chemical residue. Lysol. What it takes to protect. New neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair wrinkles . Your time is up with the proven power of retinol. Reduces wrinkles in just one week. Neutrogena® wheres the car . Itll be here in three. Uh, four minutes. Are you kidding me . No, looks like he took a wrong turn. Dont worry, this guys got like a fourstar rating, were good. His name is randy. Thats like one of the most trustworthy names ordering a getaway car with an app . Are you randy . Thats me awesome surprising. Whats not surprising . How much money erin saved by switching to geico. Everybody comfortable with the air temp . I could go a little cooler. Ok. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. I understand you think we are losing our freedom. I dont like these laws that restrict our behavior. Like the smoke bans. I dont smoke. I think the only thing more annoying is the nonsmokers whining about it. We can take the things out. If you want to smoke, light up. If you dont like it, leave. Hang out and is my secondhand beverage ticking you off . Dont come to where people are drinking. Canada has a written warning on their cigarettes and a colored photo of cancer. I know. A lot of illiterate people were dying. You have a tough time buying gifts . I think that barbie dolls have a body image for kids. We should be more worried about teletubbies creating the image for our kids. Childhood obesity is the biggest problem in america right now. Kids are as fat as they have ever been. The good news is that less kids are running i think the toys are making our kids fat and make our kids gay. Not that its bad. If you cant give your child winnie the pooh and not expect them to be confused. A bear with a highpitched voice who wanders around the woods wearing no pants. Looking for a boy named christopher. Thats an episode of dateline, not they are organizing a 1 Million Pound march. Thats been a while. This discovered because im from chg and everybody in l. A. Thinks they are in the entertainment business. I walk to mcdonalds and say im working at mcdonalds and im the choreographerproducer. Can you produce me a cheeseburger . I also keep in touch with my parents and i bought them an answering machine trying to push them until the 21st century. They can grasp the secinology. How does this work again . Hold the button and leave a message . Just hold the button and leave a message. Just hold the button and leave a message. I call and this is the message on their machine. Fred, tommy said hold the button and leave a message. Fred. I know what im doing. Shut up you dont have to yell at me. Would you shut up. Im trying to read the instructions. You dont need to read the instructions. Would you shut up. What . You are going to hit me . Put the gun down. You think men are too obsessed with sports . Men are so obsessed that you cant even throw things in the garbage normally. Garbage normally. Like its the nba basketball game or something. Most of you shoot like you are in the wnba. Not because you dont get it in, but nobody is we are going to take a break. Dont go away. Pain strand so does newve level. Icy hot lidocaine. Desensitizes aggravated nerves with the max strength lidocaine available. New icy hot lidocaine. male 1 its a Little Something ive done every night since i was a kid, empty my pocket change into this old jar. Its never much, just whats left after i break a dollar. And i never thought i could get quality Life Insurance with my spare change. Neither did i. Until i saw a commercial for the Colonial Penn program. Imagine people our age getting Life Insurance at such an affordable rate. Its true. If youre 50 to 85, you can get guaranteed acceptance Life Insurance through the Colonial Penn program for less than 35 cents a day, just 9. 95 a month. Theres no medical exam and no health questions. You know, the average cost of a funeral is over 8,300. Now thats a big burden to leave your loved ones. As long as youre 50 to 85, you cannot be turned down because of your health. Your premium never goes up and your benefit never goes down due to age. Plus, your coverage builds cash value over time. Call now for free information and a free gift. All i did was make a phone call and all of my questions about the Colonial Penn program were answered. It couldnt have been any easier and we both got the coverage we should have had for years now. Mmhm, with change to spare. laughing Colonial Penn jingle welcome back to comics unleashed. I have a pet peeve now. When people try to get off the phone with you, they try to make it your fault. They will be like well, i guess i will let you get back to that. Or like i dont want to take up any more of your time. You know i called you. Dad. You know . I know a guy after he was stalk me over the phone. He was calling me like eight times a day for like six months. Said he worked for visa. Yeah, right. What i did, i had to speak to him and his language. I was like sir, i have 0 interest in you. I will tell you a way to get rid of people on the phone. He calls you and it doesnt shut up. You cant get a word in. Finally there is a little breath. What i would do is hang up on myself. In other words, he would be saying Something Like i take a breath and i was thinking, this is a really important thing. I hang up. Now, no one hangs up on himself. He thinks you got disconnected. See . He hangs up and waits for to you call him back. Thats when i hang up and get the hell out of the house. Did you grow up in this household . I grew up baptist. I was in church all day on sunday. All day. I wanted to be a catholic so bad. I had friends that i envied because one hour means one hour to catholics. I have seen them riot after one hour. Lets go. Heres another benefit. Not that we talk about my people. The jews, they are real smart. First of all, we go to synagogue on friday night. We dont get up early in the morning on sunday when you want to rest. We go after we get paid. You are in a good mood. We will listen to any crap they tell us. Even to think about it, be a black jew. We dressed up essentially in church. I think the black culture, we love to dress up and i like going to church because we dress up and i like to call them the three seeds. We dress up in church, concerts and court. How are you adjusting to l. A. Life . Kind of traumatizing to me at first. The women here have big honkers. It scared me at first. To compete i started wear a water bra. Im serious. If it popped, i would drown. My boobs have not grown since i was a teenager. These are the only two as i got in high school. Its bad. We have to take a break. Dont go away. Well be right back. Fivesecond rule protection. New lysol kitchen pro eliminates 99. 9 of bacteria without any harsh chemical residue. Lysol. What it takes to protect. Hersheys miniatures. We pour em we pass em we pick em delicious fun for everyone. Hersheys miniatures are mine, yours, our chocolate. Is time you make for yourself. Aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion with active naturals® oat. Locks in moisture to improve skin wellness in just one day. Aveeno® naturally beautiful results® thats why theres oravet dental hygiene chews. Oravet cleans teeth and gets to the cause bad breath. Ask your vet about oravet chews. Serious oral care made simple man, theres a big mac for every move. And a grand mac . We got a big mac for that we definitely got a big mac for that watch ya head theres a big mac for that juicy, cheesy, iconic big mac. Now in three sizes. Welcome back to comics unleashed. I have a lot of friend who is hunt. They call themselves sports men as if hunting is a sport. If it is the other team has no idea it is playing. Honey, i did not say that. Thats the other black guy. This is what you call opinionated. My wife can say clinical psychologist. She always likes to analyze my motions. How did it make you feel knowing you might die or when i dont cook for you. How does it feel when i make you late . Im a product of the Public School system. My answer is always shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. How does it make you feel that you wont have sex tonight . Quick tip. Women. I you when a man tells you to shut up. He already knows he is not having sex tonight. You dont like weddings, huh . I dont like weddings or baby showers. I think its a scam to get gifts. Serious. I dont know why we have to buy people stuff when they get married or have a baby and when they buy a house. Why do i have to buy a present every time you make a mistake . Nobody got me a present when i slept with david brynner. Wait a minute. That was the present. A lot of fun. I want to thank you at home. Until next time, right now an on Eyewitness News snow for the weekend. A wintery mix is expected to fall overnight. Plus a Second Chance for light snow. Nova next challenge how the wildcats preparing for a shot at the sweet 16. Celebrating st. Patricks day, a region ranks among the top. Why phillys history is so rich when it comes to the irish hold we begin with another blast of Winter Weather im Ukee Washington im jessica dean, we thought we put the snow behind us . Meteorologist lauren casey tracking not one but two shots of snow whos excited 6 00 a. M. Tomorrow morning until 6 00 a. M. Sunday, stormscan 3 is relative quiet right now. Seeing a couple of returns popping up much more moisture off to the south and west in association with a slow moving storm system as it passes through and on the back side of the system as well what to expect for the weekend. A slow movie starts as a light wintery mix in the city and that will be a late overnight early tomorrow morning. But our best chance of snow areawide will be late saturday night early sunday. We will see some accumulations across parts of the area but they will try to be minimal, what to expect. In the poconos, mainly be a snow event but you can see tons of freezing rain especially tomorrow morning. Berks county, lehigh valley, we start off as snow then transition to rain as we head to midday and tomorrow afternoon, then back to snow tomorrow night. In philly and immediate suburbs start as a mix late. Quickly to rain tomorrow morning. Periods of rain throughout the day and tomorrow night back to snow. And down the shore mainly a rain event but this will end as snow. As we head late tomorrow night into early sunday morning, lots of talk to about. Variables well get to all of that in the full forecast coming up. Lauren well see you then. To march madness. Villanova getting ready for a test on saturday the wildcats take on the Wisconsin Badgers in the second around of the ncaa tournament and don bell is here with more on how nova getting ready theyre all big in his time of year and tough opponent as well. Villanova dominated but two of those l came against butler a team that remains jay wright of the opponent wisconsin, theyre the only team in the tournament that made it to three straight sweet 16s they not only from great size they got great depth. They can bring a lot of guys in off the bench. Thats kind of our weakness, it will be trouble for us if we get into foul trouble early tough physical defensive minded team. Right down to defense and not try to score. Technically, its already saturday. Catch villanova wisconsin this afternoon at 2 40 right here on cbs3. Pull an all nighter. Stay up. By the way if the cats will get iton