[ typewriter keys clacking ] he can fool our relatives, he can fool our friends, but not me. Mrs. Kamen, when did you first begin to realize that your husband was, uh. Different . In bed. Okay, i think thats all the information well need. You cant duplicate that. Nor would we want to. Now, listen, i know it sounds crazy, but somebody i dont know why, i dont know how they have taken my husband away, and they have left an exact replica, a robot, in his place. Look, mrs. Kamen, im sure theres a very rational, reasonable wait, ive brought photographs. Look. Theres rudolph, a year ago. Heres a picture of him. I took this three days ago. [ chuckles ] mrs. Kamen, these men are identical. Uh. Can i get you some coffee or tea . Oh, coffee. That would be very nice. Thank you. [ sighs ] morning, harris. Morning, wojo. [ sniffles, sighs ] barns not in . Nope. Well, then i guess im not late. [ laughs ] barney this way, gentlemen. All this really isnt necessary, captain. Morning, barn. Well, good morning, wojo. What do you got . Well, um. Im gonna have to know eventually. You want me to take over, right . Of the packton institute for genetic research, his research assistant, dr. Eric rubin. This is sergeant wojciehowicz. How do you do . How you doing . How are you . So, whats the story . Seems someone broke in to the laboratory and stole some equipment. Youve got to get it back its just not all paid for. And . Why dont you take their statement . Uh, uh, have a seat here. [ clears throat ] here you go. Uh, barney . Barney yeah . Im im having a little problem with mrs. Kamen over here. You know, she says that her husband isnt really her husband, have you checked for pods . [ chuckles ] thats not funny, barney. Sorry. It just occurred to me. Thats okay. Why dont you contact her husband, have him come down . Which one . [ laughs ] bbarney, i mean, its just different when i do it. [ laughs ] [ typewriter keys clacking ] i think i think we should at least mention it in passing. Ill handle this, all right, doctor . But we are dealing with mutant strains. [ clacking stops ] this is still all experimental. So . So how do we know this isnt infectious or even deadly . [ clacking stops ] uh, what was that . Nothing. Just talking shop, sergeant wojciehowicz. One of your boys, huh . Any luck, sergeant . Well, were still checking. I appreciate everything youre doing for me. Hey, look, thats what were here for, mrs. Kamen. My friends call me mitzi. Okay. Um, im ron. I would like to use your bathroom, ron. Sure. Come on. Its right this way. Manpower reports and statistic summarizations, sir. Thank you, levitt. No problem. I hear you saw some action today. I went out on a call. Enjoy yourself . As a matter of fact, i did. I only mention this because i thought, in this type of situation, when theres a temporary manpower shortage, normally you would assign a uniform. Thats your prerogative, sir. Its just that theres a limited amount of crime out there, and if the brass starts going out on calls for kicks, its not gonna leave much for those of us who really need the work. I wouldnt worry about it, levitt. I have no intention of making a habit of it. Thank you, sir. Ill be downstairs. Youll be here . Promise. Good. Excuse me. Im looking for sergeant harris. Mr. Kamen . The one and only. Uh, your, um, your wife is in the bathroom, sir. No kidding. Got an autoclave, a centrifuge, and a, uh, a container of assorted cultures. Right. And there was nothing else . No. That covers everything. Is there Something Else i should know about . The dna somebodys got to tell them ill be the judge. Okay, hold it, hold it, hold it. All right, what are you talking about . Sergeant, the cultures that were taken were of recombinant dna. Deoxyribonucleic acid. Uhhuh. Dna is the basic stuff of life. Its in the nucleus of every cell. It contains the code that guides the development of every living thing. What are you guys doing with it . We take the dna from a living organism, and we combine it with the dna from another organism, thereby creating an entirely new living substance. Now, this particular recombinant form has just been developed, and we cant guarantee that it might not be virulent or even pestilent just have a seat. Hello, millicent. Youve got the wrong one. Look, mrs. Kamen, im sure if youll just give us a chance hes fooled you, too. Come home. You stay away from me youll feel better. No, stay away please, millicent. Millicent [ knock on door ] mitzi. Uh, gentlemen, sergeant wojciehowicz indicates there might be some problem with dna . Yes. You see, captain, the dna was spliced from a polyomavirus into a strain of escherichia coli. Are you saying theres a potential Health Hazard in this. Stuff . Its possible. No. [ sighs ] ure wearing one. Um, captain, i think that both dr. Rubin and myself are saying the same thing, just in different ways. Simply that there is a small. Very small chance of contamination. Or epidemic. Wojo, youd better get on the phone to the department of health. Millicent, please, believe me. This isnt gonna solve anything. Mrs. Kamen i dont know you millicent, youve been under a lot of pressure lately. Youre not yourself. Oh, looks whos talking would you come out of there . uh, look, mr. Kamen, why dont you just try and relax for a second, huh . [ clears throat ] mrs. Kamen . Is that you, ron . Uh, yes. What happened to mitzi . Uh, listen, mitzi. Hmm . All right. [ door unlocks ] you can come in. [ sighs ] i should be back soon. Captain. We are doing very important work here. It would be a tragedy to let some silly little accident jeopardize it. Im afraid thats not my immediate concern, doctor. We are on the threshold of an incredible breakthrough. If we can unlock the genetic puzzle of dna, we could eliminate birth defects, genetic diseases, increase intelligence, weed out all the negative traits and characteristics, and create a whole new, superior race of. Barn, its the Health Department. Its a miss schumacher. Miss schumacher, captain miller, 12th precinct. Look, im afraid we might have a very Serious Health yes, dna cultures. Who reported it . A. Dietrich. Hes one of us. Yes, he is very knowledgeable. Look, what i called for was hes already working with one of your people on it . Thank you. So, it took us a little longer. Put out an apb on the stolen property and check all the local pawnshops. Good thinking, barn. Yeah, hi. This is detective wojciehowicz over at the 12th precinct. Yeah, we had a burglary in a research lab, to check for he have curly hair and glasses . Right. Thanks a lot. Oh thats our equipment. Give me a hand yeah, right. Used to be you made a buck, you kept a buck. Things are tough all over. Well, its very discouraging. Well, dietrich. Nice to see you. Youre looking good. This is . Claudio ortez. He pawned the stuff around the corner from where he lives. 20 lousy bucks for all that junk. Picked him up in his room. What is it with that place, anyway . They got all these guards and alarms, an electrical fence. It was all a comeon. Where are the cultures . The little dishes in the box. Uh, you mean the jello . He flushed it down the toilet. Oh. God. I do something wrong . What happens if that stuff gets in the water supply . I left the Health Department working on it. Sit down over there. What are you talking about, the Health Department . Captain, the possibility of contamination or widespread disease is practically nil. What kind of disease . You know, i touched that stuff. Dont worry about it. I need some information. Next of kin . Is that supposed to be funny . For the time being. [ coughs ] all right, gentlemen, youll be notified of any court appearances. In the meantime, youre free to go. Captain, im sure those cultures i mean, what could live in that water . Good day, doctor. Now, i know what youre thinking. Weve gone too far. Were tampering with nature, invading gods domain, hmm . Ushering in a brave new world. No. Sure, whats it to you . I, uh, i tagged the appliances, sir. Fine. Ill be back later with a bottle of water. Levitt [ sighs ] excuse me. Are you being helped . No, my my wifes in the toilet with sergeant harris. Fine. You know, we used to love to go to atlantic city, just the two of us. And we would stroll down the boardwalk. Look, why dont we, um, go outside and have a cup of coffee . Wed have a cup of coffee, and wed walk over to the steel pier and watch the diving horse. Look, mrs. Kamen only he didnt dive. They pushed him. That sounds like you had some very nice times together. He was a wonderful man. Mr. Kamen i still am. You go away. Im not talking about you. What have i done . How am i different . He knows. I dont know. Ask him about his perversions. Well, i mean, i wouldnt want to. Oh, that again, huh, mitzi . Rudolph wouldnt have gone in for that kind of stuff. 32 years of wedlock. Every time, the same. Uh, do you want to field this one, rudy . Look, millicent. A few years ago, i realized that i wasnt able. That you werent being satisfied. Thank you. Rudy would never admit to that. But i do. And and and it bothered me. So i went out, and i bought some books you know, the howto kind. I i was only trying to please you. Is that so . Im sorry. Why do people have to change, get old . Why cant things stay the way they were . Well, look. Ron, sometimes i get so scared, i dont know what im gonna do. Look, everybody feels that way sometimes. You sure . I mean, im not even old, and i get scared. Thats nice of you to say. Hey, look. None of us knows whats gonna happen to him or her, and thats pretty scary. But theres one thing you do know. Yeah. Lets get out of here, huh, ron . [ laughs ] hello. Its free now. Hello, millicent. Lets go home, rudy, huh . Whatever you say. Goodbye, ron. You, uh, take good care of yourself, mitzi. He hey, guys, come on. Dietrich morning, cap. Gentlemen. Wojo hi, barn. Woj. Barney. Yeah. I heard from my publisher today. Yeah . They got in some initial sales figures, barn, and it looks like blood on the badge is really gonna take off. Hey. Barn, theyre already talking about a second printing, increasing my royalty percentage, plus, this week, i should get a big fat check for the paperback rights. [ laughs ] theyre turning my Apartment Building into condominiums. Oh, barn, im so sorry. Raise a family there