Yeah, man, its better than sitting around here all day. Look, every day off for the past three weeks, ive been out, looking for a job, right . And all ive got to show for it are tired feet, scuffed shoes, and enough uncut jive to sell it wholesale. You know, keith, i know its tough, man, but they say the Unemployment Rate in the ghetto is over 50 . Yeah, and the other 50 are out looking for work. The answer is through education. Speaking of that, i better hurry up before im late. Later, yall. You might as well be late. You aint gonna find no job when you graduate anyway. Well, maybe not, but at least ill know how to read the want ads, brother. Hey, keith, i dont know what youre feeling so down about. At least you did get one job offer. Oh, keith, you got a job offer . J. J. , i told you not to bring that up. Man, i swear if your mouth was any bigger, youd swallow your own head. Come on, keith. Tell me about it. All right. They wanted me to go door to door, what . Thats right Howard Cosell piggy banks. Oh, and when you put the money in his mouth, he starts talking, right . No, you put money in his mouth to make him shut up. J. J. , if you want to keep on going out there, you go on ahead. But ive got too much pride to keep on spending my time listening to a bunch of garbage from all those people. Too much pride. Keith, where you going . Im going to the bathroom. There are some things im still pretty good at, you know . [ sprays ] i dont understand keith. I mean, he used to be so levelheaded, so cool, so suave. Then all of a sudden, he lost it. You know, with a little more training, he couldve been another me. Hi, yall. Thelma hey, willona. Thelma, heres the Blueberry Muffins i made for keith. Honey, theres only one thing on earth sweeter and more tender than these little darlings. Whats that, willona . I dont know. I aint met him yet. [ laughs ] Blueberry Muffins for keith, huh . Ill tell you, boy, the only thing hes been sinking his teeth into around here has been us. Wait a minute, honey. You must be jivin. After all the work i went through, staying up all night long, starting from scratch, youre gonna tell me hey, yall. Willona, whoowhee its a wonder you aint in jail cause you certainly are dressed to kill this morning. Sinking his teeth into you, huh . Well, honey, get ready to bite me again. I made something nice for you. Looky here. No, no, no, no, dont tell me. Dont tell me. No, it cant be. Not my favorite, not those delicious Blueberry Muffins thats right. Lord have mercy. Goodlooking and good cooking. What you trying to do throw Betty Crocker out on her buns . Hmm. Either hes got a twin in that bathroom or were in the twilight zone. Yeah, yeah, these will be great to graze on while me and j. J. Go job hunting. Job hunting . But you said that we were gonna come on, man, theres a whole new world out there for us. But [ imitating rhett butler] and one day, scarlett, all this will be yours tara, the plantation, the river. The dam. No, wait. Frankly, scarlett, i wont give a dam. [ laughs ] [ telephone rings ] hello . Keith . Hey, i told donna summer not to call me here. Hello . Willona, if you had been here 10 minutes ago, youd have seen that keith had all the charm of a shark with root canal work. Could you all excuse me a minute . This is kind of private. Ooh, come outside and tell me whats going on. Well, ill go start the dishes. Hello, joe. Hey, whats happening, man . When did you get in . Oh, me . I cant complain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Just give me a couple more months. My leg will be better. Ill be out there again. Look, why dont you give me your phone number, man . Uhhuh. Oh, keith, why dont you invite no, no, i got to go. See you later, joe. Got to split. Oh, im sorry. That was joe stennet, an old College Teammate of mine. Hes gonna be in town for a couple days. I told him id drop by if i got the chance. Oh, you must really like him. He sure cheered you up. Are you kidding . Me and joe, we were so tight in college, [ laughs ] hes playing for the miami dolphins. Signed up for his second year. I got to go, babe. Byebye. Bye. Byebye. [ door closes ] greetings, unemployment fans. Hey, wheres keith . Hell be up in a minute. Hes downstairs, arguing with bookman. Bookman . What did bookman do this time . Nothing, but hes not doing it the way keith wants him to. Ill tell you, as far as keith is concerned, old fang face is back. Bad day, huh . Well, let me put it to you this way. Its the kind of day donny would punch out marie. I dont know. That keith, theres something. Its those crazy, unpredictable moods of his. J. J. , thats not fair, now. Youre making it sound like keith has an emotional problem. Well, youre wrong, and im gonna prove it to you. Hello, sweetheart. I have a surprise for you. Who cares . Like putty in your hand. Hey, brotherinlaw, whats wrong, man the employers turn you down . Yeah, white employers, black employers, chicano employers, eskimo employers. Im an equalopportunity reject. You know, keith, you just cant go around, threatening personnel directors. I didnt threaten nobody. What do you call putting a mans tie in an electric pencil sharpener . Yeah, and then you had it all the way up to the knot till i stopped you. Uh, keith, now, why dont you sit down over here and relax yourself . Let me tell you about the surprise, okay . Are you pregnant . No. Then i dont want to hear about it. Well, its about your friend joe stennet. Here . You invited joe here without asking me . Are you crazy . Keith, i thought that you i dont care what you thought if i wanted him over here, i wouldve asked him here myself. Now call him and cancel. Oh, keith, come on, now. I already cooked dinner. Then warn him, and hell call and cancel. Keith, hell be here in a few minutes. Damn it, thelma, you had no right butting into my business like that. Oh, keith get out of my way hey well, i guess i showed him. Okay, where is he, huh . where is he . hey there, bookman. Dont bookman me look, thelma, i got a bone to pick with your husband. Well, if youre involved, thats the only thing thats left. Am i laughing . No and want to know why . All i did was ask that nut who he likes in the super bowl. You know what he said . Your mama if your mama is built anything like you, she wont be able to fit in the super bowl. Um, bookman, look here. Let me explain. Let me explain. See, keith has gone cuckoo. Uh, see, what happened is that keiths been under a lot of tension and strain lately. You understand . Yoyo city, bookman, yoyo city. So, on behalf of the family and everybody involved, we wish our sincere apologies, and we will talk to keith about this and promise you that this will never happen again. And, uh, my apologies, also, to your big, fat mama hey j. J. , i heard what you said, and i didnt like it one bit. Oh, yeah . Well, if hes a tree, i wouldnt want to stand under him. I think hes sick. Physically, that is. You can call me ray and you can call me jay michael, the only time he seems to be happy is when he comes out of that bathroom. And i got a hunch wait a minute. Now, whod be stupid enough to hide oh. Yeah. Mmhmm. Either this is keiths joy juice or the tidy bowl man has a new boat. Yes, vodka the russian revenge. No wonder keiths been acting crazy lately, man. He killed this bottle, too. Yeah. No wonder he thinks hes a king. His throne is 90 proof. [ laughs ] and then the coach held up this size 40, doubled cup bra and said, what you call this, stennet dolly parton knee pads . [ laughter ] and speaking of holidays, did you know this is National Take a lemon to lunch week . Oh . Oh, already . Thats right. Yeah. So, lets get rid of this booze, and lets break out the lemonade [ slurring ]hey, hey, and let all this good, 20yearold scotch go to waste . Come on. Joe brought this by to help keep things lively, didnt you, joe . Right on, keithy. [ both laugh ] yeah, yeah, hold on a second. Who used to call me that . It was. That girl, that girl, right. What was her name . Annette. Annette, annette, right right. Big old bucktoothed annette. Thelma, you aint seen nothing until you seen annette. Ugliest girl on campus. Pass the bottle. [ laughs ] scotch, fool. Keith. Thelma, that girl was so ugly, we were gonna make her the team mascot and change the name of the team to the orangutans. [ laughs ] a real dog bowwow, bowwow good old annette. I wonder what ever happened to her. Weve been married for half a year now. Gee, joe, i didnt know, man. Im sorry. [ laughs ] but you know what they say, man. Beauty goes awandering, but homely stays at home [ laughs ] hey, come on, you all. Joe understands. Come on, we jive around like this all the time, dont we, joe . Helps keep things lively, huh . Keith, a little toast first, a little toast. All right, ill drink to that. All right. Heres to keith and thelma, and may they always have happiness and health. Amen. And. May prosperity be just down the road. All right. And. May they always have the respect of their friends and relatives. Through the yellow brick road to their future, were all little lambs that have lost our way. Baaaa, baaaaaa, baaaa. Were all little lambs enough enough, enough, enough [ hiccups ] and as Jackie Gleason would say. Smoooooth oh, keith, what are you trying to prove . And as w. C. Fields would say, i only use this in case of snakebite. And i always carry a snake with me. Ah, yes, smoooooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, keith, if you have one more drink of scotch, youre gonna start seeing plaid elephants. Yeah, keith, i think youve had enough. Hey, hey, hey, come on, now. Enough. Well, excuse me. Let go of the bottle, keith. [ sniffing ] do i smell dessert . I doubt it. Were having jello. Keith, i said let it go. All right. All right, i let it go, mr. Stennet. Now, is there anything else i can do for you, brother, like wash your car, shine your shoes . You know, we poor folk, were supposed to be able to do that pretty good. Keith, please. No, no, thelma, its cool. Stennet, you aint foolin nobody. The only reason you came by here tonight was the hope of seeing me on crutches. Oh, wow, man, you have it all yeah, you just wish it were last year, so then you wouldve been the one up for the heisman trophy, right . right . you were jealous of me then, and you are still jealous jive sucka look i think id better go. We still got stories to tell, man. Like how about that ohio state game . Look, man, i dont know what youre talking about. I didnt think you would, so let me fresh your memory. J. J. , get out there. Keith, i thought i would stay here. I said get out there keith, youre embarrassing everybody. Would you shut up . Now, it was our ball, third down and long yardage. It was me over here, and joe was over here. Now, hike the ball, j. J. What ball . Hike the ball keith, stop it. Would you let me finish . youre drunk i said shut up aah thelma . Thelma, i didnt mean it. J. J. , i swear, man. Hey, michael . I dont want to hear it. Yeah, you better have a good excuse for this one, keith. Otherwise, were gonna put you in every shot glass across chicago. Hey, hey, everybody hey, im im sorry. Hey, joe, man. Aw, who you gonna tell, man me or your wife . Thelma, would it help at least if i said im sorry . But running away wont solve anything. Well, you sure got that right cause i live here. These things are yours. I shouldve known that. Cant we at least talk about it, babe . Talk . Talk about what . just who the hell do you think you are . do i look like a punching bag to you . Do you see the word everlast written across my face . No, babe. All right, then is this yours . Yeah. Now i understand. No, you dont understand, babe. Do you know what its like to be one of the best running backs in the world and have your leg and your life snap out from under you and end up driving cabs part time . Babe, you cant begin to understand. A bottle of fermented potatoes understand. Keith, dont you know i love you . What if you no, babe keith, youre only 24 years old. Since when does life end at 24 . You want to play football . Then get out there and play i cant then try Something Else i did then try again baby, honey, what the hell do you want from me . Everything Everything you have to give me, keith, because, remember, you are still my husband whether youre playing in the super bowl or driving people to it so you hurt your leg and you cant run anymore. Big deal but your wallowing in selfpity is not gonna help. You got to face it. The world is gonna go on whether you are sitting on top of it or stretched out under it. Is it me. Or this . Babe. One minute. Were gonna start all over again, right . Right. Everything even between us . Right. Guess that makes us even, babe. Captions by vitac www. Vitac. Com keeping your head above water good times anytime you need a payment good times anytime you need a friend good times anytime youre out from under not getting hassled, not getting hustled keeping your head above water making a wave when you can temporary layoffs good times easy credit ripoffs good times scratching and surviving good times hanging in a chow line good times aint we lucky we got em
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