I wish they hadnt built the golf course so close to the bridle path. [neighing] yes. Uh, look, why dont we go over and have a hot dog, huh . Good idea. Just tie your horse up over there. Good luck, ed. I said, lets go, fred, huh . Right over here. [neighing] [kissing] [neighs] ed, i really didnt want a hot dog, but i thought id give you a chance to make a little time with princess. Believe me, buddy boy, attention people with hearing loss. What im about to tell you could change your life. Does your hearing loss have you feeling left out . Are you finding it harder to hear the tv or telephone . Are you afraid you might not hear an alarm or intruder . If left untreated, your hearing loss can get significantly worse. A recent Johns Hopkins study showed that hearing loss its time to call hearusa and get a complete hearing checkup absolutely free. And, aarp members receive expert advice and can purchase Digital Hearing Aids as low as 795 each. I sure wish i hadnt waited so long. I hear so clearly now. Im back to myself again. If you call hearusa now youll even get a riskfree 90day trial,backed by a 100 satisfaction guarantee. Dont wait another minute call this tollfree number and start improving your hearing and your life today. [groaning] right in the labonza these golfers [clearing throat] now where were we, honey . Oh, yes, i remember. [neighing] a hole in one i made a hole in one what are you talking about, a hole in one . Well, i saw your ball hook over that fence. That doesnt matter. This is my ball and it was in the hole. Addison, youve lost the match. You owe me 20. What . This is ridiculous. Why, ii saw your ball a hole. I know what happened. One of those darned horseback riders thought they were smart again and threw that ball over here. Pay me the 20. [stutters] im going to get rid of that bridle path if its the last thing i ever do. And therefore, as one of the citizens of this community, who wishes to see the park facilities used to best advantage, i urge that the seldomused bridle path be eliminated. [mumbling] this would enable us to enlarge the golf course, we want in this community. Sincerely, roger addison. But roger knows that wilbur uses that bridle path. How could he be so vindictive . Hmm. You should have seen him yesterday when he came home after losing the 20. wilbur honey, is breakfast ready . Uhoh, i dont want to be here when wilbur reads this paper. Hes not going to see it. I wonder whats in that paper . Honey. carol yes, dear . I cant find the morning paper. Have you seen it . Ill fix your eggs, darling. Carol, why were you running . Uh, you like 4minute eggs. So . Ii thought if i put them in earlier, theyd only take 3 minutes. That didnt make sense, did it . No, but when anybody looks as beautiful as you in the morning, who cares, huh . Oh. Sweetie, where is the morning paper . Uh, maybe it didnt come. Well, i cant eat my breakfast without reading a paper. Ill go out and buy one. Honey, youll get the paper tomorrow. The only difference between tomorrows newspaper and todays newspaper is the news. Sweetheart, have you been wearing your curlers too tight . Ill be right back. [chuckles] sincerely, roger addison. Oh, so roger wants to get rid of the bridle path. Wilbur better know about this. Carol, every time i go to get up, you push me down. Why . Uh, im timing your eggs that way. [phone ringing] honey, that is the phone. What a sweet wife ive got. [phone ringing] sometimes i wish i understood her. Hello. Hi, this is ed. Hold onto your hat. I want to read you something that addison put in todays paper. [clearing throat] dear mister editor, ive resided in this community for 21 years, and. [ed continues reading] that addision cant think of anything but golf. kay addison. Yes . Addison. Writing a letter like that when wilbur is our nextdoor neighbor, and carol is my dearest friend. What have you got against bridle paths, anyway . Are you referring to the bridal path we walked down together . Oh, you are a sweet doll. But you know im talking about horses. The same thing ive against you at the moment, my dear. Youre interrupting my golf game. Addison, you never shouldve written that letter. Pardon me, madam, im playing through. Roger, i think youre a heel to do what you did agreed. Pardon me, sir, im playing through. Do you realize what youve did . Youyouyouve done . Only a person like you wouldvewouldve did, done, such a thing. The only reason he done did, is because he lost 20 at golf yesterday. My dear, it is not the 20. Then what is it . Uh. Thats a pretty difficult question to answer, isnt it . It certainly is. Look, roger, if its only 20, i will give it to you. Will you please write a letter of retraction . Thats a difficult question to answer, too. 20 . No. roger no. I am doing this for progress the bridle path is outmoded, and we need a larger golf course. I want the people to think of me as a good citizen. Wilbur, you shouldnt have said that. Im sorry. I wouldve said it. Now if you two have finished this scathing and illiterate denunciation, i have one final thing to add. both what . Move aside, youre in my line. You and your 4syllable words well, i can write a fancy letter to the paper, too and when they publish it, itll undid everything youve just do. Itll. Well, you just read my letter wait till the editor reads this letter. Wilbur, if that bridle path goes, my love life goes with it. Dear sir, fine so far. This is a rebuttal to mr. Roger addisons attempt to deprive the people of our community their bridle path. Good, good, good. Its true that very few people use the bridle path, and ill readily concede that even most of those are not from our community. Uhoh. But it wouldnt matter if there were only one horse owner. And no matter how much it costs to keep up the bridle path, that one single citizen must still be considered. Wilbur, you just lost the bridle path. And i lost princess. Ed, lets not get into an argument. This letter makes sense. As Thomas Jefferson once said, the right of one individual is as important as an entire community. And general custer said, i think we just lost our scalps. I gotta get that letter. What it needs is some horse sense. [typewriter clacking]. And in conclusion, can we not set aside a few feet on earth, for nans noble friend, the horse . With deepest conviction, wilbur post. Wilbur, you sound as though youre reading that for the first time. A few feet on earth for mans noble friend, the horse. Gee, eds clever. both ed . Uh, ed is short for editor. You see, the editor is clever. I mean, he wrote this and didnt change a word. Wilbur. Roger, if youre going to hit me, please use a wood, not an iron. That letter in the paper, i read it. And you are so right. I didnt realize how unjust it was, how palpably unfair. Rog, oh, wilbur, im so proud of you. Now nobody would even think of removing that bridle path. Even i feel differently about horses now. Oh, im so proud of my big doll. Honey, why dont you go to the barn and give mister ed his breakfast . Oh, yes, the poor thing must be starving. Yeah, i think he deserves special attention after his letter. Uh, well, you see, i consider it part his. If i hadnt been so close to him, i never could have written it. A horse asks so little out of life, a few blades of grass, some oats. [sniffles] oh, dear, i do have talent. Ive got to admit, your letter is better than mine. Im glad youre not angry. I am angry. Angry i cant write as well as you. Dont feel badly. Youre probably a better architect than me. Oh, thanks, ed. [phone ringing] ill get it. No, ill get it. Oh, let me. Stay where you are. [mumbling] mr. Post . Oh, i read your letter this morning in the valley news. Its masterfully written. Well, thank you. I. I did the best i could. How would you like to write a book on animals for one of our spring publications . Me . Oh, no, no, no. Ii couldnt write a book. Mr. Post, your letter made me cry. Well, ii guess my letter made a lot of people cry. [clearing throat] his letter. Mymy letter. Mr. Boyd, what im trying to say is, im an architect, not a writer. Im prepared to offer you 2,500 advance. 2,500 . Say, thatthat is a lot of money, isnt it . But iim sorry. I told you, im an architect, not a writer. I recognize talent. Now just take the same brain that wrote that letter and apply to writing a book. Well, yes. Ii guess, ii could carry on with my architecture while my brain was writing a book. Fine. And as customary, well have a Cocktail Party to introduce you to the literary world. Uh, a Cocktail Party, eh . Its quiteten honor. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much, mr. Boyd. Goodbye. Ed, we are rich. Ed, how long would it take you to write a book . Come again . Youre going to write a book just like you wrote the letter. Then well be able to whoa, whoa, boy. I wrote that letter to make sure id have a place to meet princess. Now wait a minute, ed. You got me into this. If it hadnt been for you, none of this wouldve happened. Now youre going to write that book, or i dont take you to the bridle path to see princess. Do you really mean that . I really mean that. I really want to show you something. Karen o. 1, 2, ready, go love all is love is love ow ooh ooh. [howling] drinks . Yes. carol is everything all right . Oh, yes. Thank you. Good, enjoy yourself. Well, its certainly taking wilbur a long time to get dressed. Oh, hes so excited. Hes as nervous as a little boy. Perhaps id better go upstairs and help him on with his sneakers. Im sure hell be right ive heard a great deal about. Good evening, everybody. Ooh. Ah, i just want to set the world on fire, not my coat. Oh, he is witty. Wilbur, this is miss meed, literary critic for the authors review. How do you do, miss meed . How do you do, mr. Post . I read your letter in the newspaper, and i must say, youre simply absolument merveilleux well, touche. Oh, mr. Post, i hope you dont mind the photographers, but the newspapers are all clamoring for a picture of you. Oh, my typewriter and i thank you. Absolument merveilleux. Uh, right over here. Excuse me. Of course. All right, charlie. All set. [clearing throat] thank you. I want you to meet a very important critic right over here. Miss williams, may i present our distinguished author, mr. Post. How do you do . Uh, no, no, no. Oh mr. Post, how does it feel to be writing your first book . Well, atat first ii felt a bit uncertain. But then so did mark twain. Touche. [all laughing] carol, do you think wilburs becoming a little conceited . No. Hes just sort of nervous. If he gets any more nervous, hes going to kiss himself. Mrs. Post, i think your husband is a marvelous talent, and when his book is a success, i believe its going to change his entire way of life. Well, we may travel a little bit, perhaps move to a better neighborhood. I see nothing wrong with this neighborhood. Neither would i, if i were living next door to a famous author. Oh, rog, i didnt mean mrs. Post, do you mind very much, i wanti want your husband to meet someone from the foreign press. Please . Thank you. May i introduce you to missmiss barr. How do you do, mr. Post . Tell me, does writing come easily to you . Well, very easy. Yes, yes. wilbur subconsciously, im creating all the time. You might say, right now my mind is at work. Dedicated to princess, without whose love and understanding this book would never have been possible. How excruciatingly funny, mr. Post. Tres naturel. [all laughing] mmm. Does he have a snuff box, too . Wilbur doesnt even know im here. Shell be on both sides of him. You know, carol, if i were you, id break that up. Id love to, but how . Here. Take this napkin and put it under his drink. At least hell see you. All right. [wilbur laughing] excuse me. Autograph . Certainly, young lady. Uh, sincerely, wilbur post. There you are. Actually, my style is more reminiscent of f. Scott fitzgerald. So, whatever my book will teach you about horses is coming to you directly from the horses mouth. No, no. Thats pretty corny. I can do better than that. Look, since im only starting, i dont expect to win the Pulitzer Prize for at least 4 or 5 years. [lighters clicking] no, sheshe won. She won. Excuse me, im going home to be sick. Wilbur, one of your guests is leaving. Oh . wilbur oh, its just rog. [laughs] [wilbur laughing] [women laughing] i know another one of his guests who is leaving. Who . Me [sobbing] oh. Oh, kay, thats not the wilbur post i married. Why, hes spoiled and conceited. If he keeps on acting like this, it will wreck our marriage. Oh, please dont cry. I just cant bear to see you like this, carol. Come on over to my house, and well have a cup of coffee. Youll feel better. Come on. carol what would i do without you . Good morning, edward. Hmm, quite a party last night, wasnt it . The nice thing was that everybody had a chance to meet me. By the way, when my book comes out, ill autograph a copy for you. [yawning] thanks a bunch. Hey, wilbur. Yes, edward . I finished the first chapter. Youd better read it. Good. My first chapter. Uhhuh. If horses could talk and man would listen, the world would be one large, happy stable. One of our cherished blessings is humility. I like that, ed. Continue. A horse would never let success go to his mane. Wonderful. ed continue. There is nothing worse than a selfcentered horse who ignores the love of his wife and neighbors, and has a moustache. Thats roger. Fame, when abused, can turn a sweet, lovable architect into an overbearing, selfcentered, conceited fool, and ruin a happy marriage. [sniffling] ed, i think i got the message. Oh, cheer up, carol, and try to have some breakfast. Im not even hungry. That wilbur, if he were smaller, id punch him right in the nose. Good morning, everybody. Ah. Arent you glad that awful party is all over, and we dont have to be nice to those pretentious phonies anymore . You know, they all thought i was taking myself seriously. When all that time i was just. Just. Just a big, darn fool. I hope youll all forgive me. Welcome home, neighbor. Nice to have you back, wilbur. Oh, wilbur there we are. See how this sounds, ed. [clearing throat] dear mr. Boyd, enclosed please find your check for 2,500. I am unable, at this time, to write a book. My architectural work keeps me too busy. Yours truly. What are you doing . Youd better let me write that letter for you. Why . It needs style. I want him to think my wilbur is a genius. Ok, ed. You know, if youd been my roommate at college, i would have made phi beta kappa. [laughing] me in college, well robert young and jane wyatt with elinore donahue, billy gray and Lauren Chapin in father knows best. And wouldnt you know it, i was the first one he called on to recite. Well, i didnt even know the chemical formula, let alone excuse me, diane, but youre supposed to be oh, hi george, sit down, sweetie. So anyway how are ya, betty . Fine. I got up and stood there like a goon diane. Well, i felt i had to say something, so i started to recite the gettysburg address. Well, everyone screamed. Diane. But professor hart didnt bat an eye. He just let me go right on and finish it,