He doesnt treat horses. Why not . Uh, tell him its your cold, it just moved to a bigger location. Ed, take it easy for a few days. Youll be fine. Now, look, iveive got to finish those murdoch plans. Then carol and i are going to the ballet tonight with the addisons. [clears throat] [sneezes] gesundheit. Lets face it, im sick as a dog. Oh, look at those watery eyes, and that red nose. Ahhh. Im not long for this world. [sniffles] wilbur, feel my head. I think im getting a fever. You wont let me call a doctor, what can i do . Well, you could nurse me back to health with your own loving hands. Ill go down to the drug store and see what cold remedies they have. Ah, good. Rog, im going to the drug store. Can i get you. Hey, is that your new camera . Yeah. Isnt that a beauty . Mmm. Wilbur, this lens is so powerful, i can take a picture of a fly at 100 feet. Profile or full face . With this beauty, im a cinch to win my clubs Photography Contest this year. Well, i wish you good luck, rog. [kay ululating] [drumming] [hollering] how. She fell off a wagon train when she was a papoose. Roger, i think its very nice of kay to offer to help you out. See . He wanted to go out and hire one of those young models to stand around the beach in a bikini. So i said, why waste your wampum when youve got me . Well, he had to admit i was right. Of course, she was holding a tomahawk over my head at the time. Hope you dont mind me using your yard, im trying to get different backgrounds. Oh, no, help yourself. I gotta go to the drug store. Oh, youre not sick . Weve been looking forward to the ballet tonight. No, im fine. Its ed. He caught my cold. What . Why, thats impossible. Horses cant catch cold from humans. Then why is he sneezing . See you later. All right, minnie haha. Stand over there about 6, 7 feet away. Shade your eyes, and look off into the distance. Make like an indian. All right, great white doll. [birds chirping] hold it. What am i watching for . Oh. White settlers, uh, a herd of buffalo, aa traveling blanket salesman, anything. Yeah, thats right, sir. Ok. Goodbye. Feeling better, ed . The man at the drug store said this vaporizer should clear a cold up immediately. Yeah, ititit certainly did. [sneezes] take it away. Ok. This sun lamp feels good. Am i getting a tan . No. With your complexion, youll probably just freckle. I know this stuff i got you should help. You know what would really help me . What . A nice, hot bath. Ive got 3 feet in the grave and youre making jokes. There isnt a tub in town that could hold you. You know anybody whos got a heated pool . Look, ive got to get mr. Murdochs plans out, were going to the ballet tonight. Why dont you just close your eyes, relax, and take a nice little nap . Shouldnt i be drinking lots of liquids . Want me to get you some water . No. No water. My mother always said hot carrot juice is the only thing for a cough. What cough . [coughs] ed, we havent got any carrot juice. Id have to run clear into town for that, and i havent got time. [coughing] remember, wilbur, i got this cold from you. You know what your problem is . You are a hypochondriac. Yeah, i think i got a touch of that, too. Do i get my carrot juice . All right, ill get you some carrot juice. Oh, wilbur, no horse ever had a better mother. Oh, honey, which dress should i wear to the ballet tonight . Well, youd look pretty in all of them. [giggles] carol, i gotta run into town. I wont be long. Oh, have you finished with the plans for mr. Murdoch . No, not yet, uh, i, uhuh, well, i gotta pick up a gallon of carrot juice. Eds getting worse. Oh, wilbur, honestly, the way you spoil that horse is ridiculous. Why, you didnt pamper me that way when i had my cold 2 weeks ago. Well, youre not a dumb animal. Neither is mister ed. [clearing throat] [grunts] its still a little red. All right, you germs in there, i want you all out of this horse by sundown. Honey, if you could hear poor ed sneezing and coughing, itd tear your heart out. Wilbur, you know i like mister ed. But if hes so sick, why dont you call dr. Evans . That triggerhappy quack . Honey, no. I mean, dr. Evans, hes too free and easy with that needle. I didnt raise my horse to be a dart board. Oh, when are you going to stop spoiling that animal . Llook, id better get going. I want to get back before the freeway traffic gets heavy. Now, dont forget, wilbur, dont be late. Ije been counting on this ballet for weeks. Honey, dont worry. Ill be back in time. [sighs] uh, carol. Honey, if you get a chance, look in on ed, will you . Oh, certainly. And while im there, shall i tell him a bedtime story . Yeah, i think hed like that. [police siren wailing] yes, im, uh, afraid i was, officer. See, im in a hurry to geget home. Theres a sickness in the family. Your wife . No, my horse. Very funny. May i see your drivers license, please . Ii wasnt trying to be funny, officer. Ii mean, there. My horse really is sick. He hashe has a terrible cold. My wife gave it to me, and ii gave it to him. Honey, you shouldnt be sitting there in the cold. Thats right. I should be sitting at the ballet. Honey, youyou have every right in the world to be angry. I guess youre wondering where ive been. In jail. In jail . Well, its a its a long story. I passed the sobriety test with flying colors, but had a little bit of trouble [gasps] i knew when you left the house today, something would happen. Well, the addisons have left, weve missed the ballet, and i hope that precious horse of yours enjoys his carrot juice. [slamming] negligee is very pretty. Looks beautiful on you. Im sure youd like it better if it were a horse blanket. Carol, im sorry about tonight. Gee, i tried to explain. That horse always comes first. He does not. Sometimes i wish he were another woman, then id stand a chance. Now, carol, believe me. Everything is for mister ed. I just wish you cared onetenth as much for me. I. That is, you mean just as much to me as that horse. Look, sweetie, ill make it up to you. Well go to the ballet tomorrow night, huh . Well eat out and then well go dancing to a night club. Ooh, well really live it up. Oh, wilbur. But what if mister ed sneezes again . Honey, if hes still got his cold tomorrow, i send him to a vet. Oh, thank you, darling. [phone ringing] oh, who could that be at this hour . Hello . Wilbur. Im cold. Ive got chills. Well, theres, uh, nothing i can do about it now. Bring me some blankets. My teeth are chattering so loud, i cant sleep. [teeth chattering] ok, ill take care of it right away. Goodbye, mr. Murdoch. Mr. Murdoch at this hour . Yeah, well, he, uh, he suddenly wants me to add a fireplace to the master bedroom. Poor darling. How long will it take you . Oh, just a couple of blankets. Uh, a couple of minutes. M more nice hot carrot juice, huh . Yeah, the way i feel, i can use a stiff drink. [laughs] [moaning] there we go. [sighs] ok, ed. Bottoms up. Uh, can i have my straw . All right. Thanks. [slurping] good. Ah. Uh, now, how about one for the road . Oh, no, youve had enough. Youre feeling better, eh . Ah, let me just take your temperature. Open up. I hope mr. Murdochs temperature is normal. While i was here, ed caught a chill. Why dont you throw him over your shoulder and burp him . Honey, i was just coming up to bed. Dont bother. You can snuggle up here with your sick friend. [footsteps approaching] well, how do you like addisons latest brainstorm . Very cute, kay. So he figures that foreign girls are the answer. Uhhuh. Are you and wilbur going on a trip . No. We had a fight and im going home to mother. Oh, now, wait a minute, doll. If you have a fight with your husband, you dont go home to mother. You bring your mother home to him. No, kay, im through. Im tired of playing second fiddle to a horse. Hey, kay, i just got some news about uh, just a minute, addison. Theres a real domestic problem here. Wha oh, now, carol, come on. Ii know youre upset about not going to the ballet last night, butbut you cant expect a husband to be perfect. Mine isnt even normal. She has a point there. Now, sweetie, dont do anything rash. Youve only been married for a short while. It takes years of living together for a couple to really hate each other. If wilbur wants me back, hell know where i am. Im going to visit mother for a while. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. Oh, now thats being silly. Oh . You spend the night soaking that horses feet, and im silly well, he happens to be sick. Im sick, too. Sick of your treating your horse better than you do your wife. Now, just a moment, both of you. Whats needed here is a calm, cool head. Hes right. Where can we find one . Carol, wilbur, this whole thing can be settled in a quiet, mature way. Why dont you let some unbiased party hear both sides, and then have him tell you what he thinks . Fine. Ok with me. All right. Now, carol, as i see it, you hate that 4legged bindlestiff out there. A feeling which i share with you completely. Oh, i want a lawyer. Roger, i dont hate mister ed. Im very fond of him. What i object to is the way wilbur pampers him. Surely, as his wife, im entitled to a little attention. Certainly, my dear. Dont you want to hear my side of the story . You should be ashamed of yourself, the way you treat this girl in such a shabby manner. In my book, youre guilty. And ill help you carry your bags to the station. I cant say i havent had a fair trial. Wilbur, if you are wise, you will stop pampering your horse, and start pampering your wife. And be kind, and gentle, and sweet. Come on, kay, youve meddled in their affairs enough. Ive meddled . Honey, well, im sorry, dear. Youre right. Ii have been spoiling ed and i promise ill stop. Ok . Do you mean it . Word of honor. Can i take these back upstairs . Uhhuh. [both laughing] oh, honey. Lead the way. I handled that rather nicely, dont you think . My strategy worked perfectly. Mmm, very good, doll. But why dont you ever take the wifes side when we have a fight . My dear, we never have fights. Come on. You better take my picture while im still speaking to you. My dear, there has been a slight change of plans. I just learned that Charley Morton is going to judge this contest, and his taste tends more to animal pictures. Ok. Find a tree and get me a banana. [door opening] hi, ed. How do you feel . Uh, i think im losing the cold. Good. But im getting pneumonia. Pneumonia . Maybe youd better fly me to the mayo clinic. Look, i nearly lost carol. She nearly left me. And im gonna stop pampering you. If youre really sick, ill call a doctor. No, no. Iiill fight our germs alone. You know, ed, you worry too much. I got over my cold in a couple of days, and so can you. How did you do it, wilbur . I just got into bed, and i stayed there. Ok. Get me a bed. [door opening] [door closing] yeah, a bed. I think its a good idea. Hello, operator. Ed, were finally off to the ballet. [chuckling] ed . Ed, where did this come from . Oh, this feels good. I think ill have breakfast in bed tomorrow. Ed, if carol sees this, shell leave me for sure. Genuine silk. This bed has got to go. Come please, wilbur im not wearing pajamas. [sputters] what am i gonna do with this animal . Oh, no addison wilbur, are you in there . Not one peep out of you. [snoring] wilbur, the animal picture i just thought of has got to win first prize. What picture . Im going to have kay stand on mister eds back. Itll make a terrific shot. Butbut rog. Honey, itll only take a few seconds. You see, wilbur, the beauty of this shot is that it combines the girl carol, start packing. [gasps] [sighs] wilbur, goodbye ill drive you to the airport. Youre sick, wilbur. Very sick. Just a minute. Youve been talking all day long about getting a great animal picture, right . Yeah. Hmm. Ive gone to all this trouble, and thisthis is the thanks i get you mean this is just for the contest . wilbur thats right. Wilbur, this is a stroke of genius. This cant miss. This has got to take first prize. Im gonna get in this picture if it kills me. Come on, honey, well be late for the ballet. Oh, wilbur. Oh, roger. Yeah . When youre finished with ed, put a couple of hot Water Bottles next to his feet. You both have a perfect driving record. Perfect. No tickets. No accidents. That is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. Yup. Now, you would think your Insurance Company would cut you some slack, right . No. Your insurance rates go through the roof. Your perfect record doesnt get you anything. Anything. Perfect for drivers with accident forgiveness, Liberty Mutual wont raise your rates due to your first accident. And if you do have an accident, our claim centers are available to assist you 24 7. For a free quote, switch to Liberty Mutual and you could save up to 509 call today at see Car Insurance in a whole new light. Liberty mutual insurance. Hi, ed. How do you feel today . In the pink, wilbur. Its good to be on my feet again. Mmm. Howd you like your new bed . Oh, what a night. When i was covered, my tail wasnt. And when my tail was covered, i wasnt. Then you didnt like the bed, uh . No. But the mattress was delicious. And jane wyatt. With elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin,