Distempers all new 947 f.m. The word. Here Merry Christmas from you are you know I'm not here then here are. Some of the more it. With us foreign news I'm wrong to rush through President Trump is defending the Republicans tax cut plan the president says the tax cut will drug companies back from overseas creating jobs and benefiting the middle class companies are coming in to pouring into the country they've already started as this will be great for jobs it'll be sad sad sick for the middle income people as the jobs the g.o.p. Plains to muscle bill through Congress next week Trump predicts the economy will in his words start to rock once the bill is passed the president thinks economic growth could jump from the current 3 percent to $45.00 or even 6 percent however many economists doubt even a sustained 4 percent growth rate is achievable by camp in Washington also at s.r.m. News dot com The Affordable Care Act saw a burst in applicants punctuating the end of a tumultuous year for the Obama health law but the controversial plans troubles are not over strong consumer interest around Friday's and Rollman deadline was seen as validation for the Obama health laws subsidized insurance even if full repeal seems now off the table actions by the Republican led Congress and the trumpet administration could undermine the law's insurance markets it's Julie Walker reporting President Trump spoke at the f.b.i. National Academy in Virginia yesterday pledging to support law enforcement officers in condemning those who attacked them the president of the United States has your back. 100 percent during the presidential campaign Mr Trump pledged to sign an executive order as president that would demand capital punishment for cop killers 4th largest wildfire in California history continues to grow threatening thousands of homes the blaze northwest of Los Angeles grew by 3000 acres overnight into Saturday morning in Santa Ana winds are up to 30 miles an hour gusting to 60 this is s.r.m. News Hour by which all the winners of the Bible are a guiding light for the faithful now the spoken would be heard anytime anywhere introducing wonder by the all the incredible Bible that speaks the Lord is my shepherd simply turn on your wonder Bible and a pleasant voice reads the book to you So then faith cometh by hearing this into the letters gospel songs and more I can do all things through Christ tone your wonder Bible for only 39000000 come to the charging cable and built in your phone jack and a super pouch free one defining features to memory for the loaded meditation music tracks there's more for ourselves to offer yet you can double your offer just pay a separate feed where even ship it to you free and 100 percent risk free 30 day money back guarantee a quarter now you want to now call 18335044 or on your mobile phone dial down to 50 and see the keyword wonder Bible. Sally Greenberg for a program sponsored by your Life Ministries. I desisted argument Welcome to the weekend edition of new lifeline this is a rebroadcast of previous New like material therefore we're not taking callers to the program today welcome to life like the steep part of burning toast Dr Henry Cloud Dr John Townsend Dr Dave Stewart Dr Jill Hubbard Mylan your coverage Dr Sherry Kefford Chris Williams and Dr Alice spend your life live is dedicated to bringing you hope and help through practical and the book of solutions for daily living our goal is to provide you with wisdom from God's word for genuine spiritual healing if you have a question you'd like to ask today our phone lines are open call 180-229-3000 that number again is 180-229-3000 now here's Steve Harper. Everybody welcome to new life live here is Steve Harder burn here and joining me to folks that absolutely don't even question you know what they're talking about. Chris Williams Chris Williams and Dr shake every guy's welcome it's great to be here I absolutely know what I'm talking about 100 percent well about 50 percent of the time maybe you know what I found Here's what I found that I can absolutely know exactly what I'm talking about and not be able to carry it off very well consistently in my own personal life from time to sew a mental Yeah we are all fellow strugglers here and if you want to join us with your struggle Well please do and 180-229-3000 but you can call any time 1800 new life there are folks there waiting just waiting for you to call them so they can give you some help 1800 new life that's the phone number now most of you are aware this is well word we're halfway through December and we've been raising money $1500000.00 is our year in go. And we're we're halfway there you know and we need your help we need your support if you haven't helped us if you've never given before please do when you listen very often you know that essentially you're the reason that depressed folks are angry people are grieving people someone stuck or addicted to pornography or drugs or whatever you're the reason that that they do get help and I want to thank you on behalf of every sex addict that's ever gone to every man's battle is especially every sex addict that thought he was just doing what men do that's what I love they come in you know I just I think she's kind of over overreacting here and then before it's over with they are weeping over the pain that they have caused and I want to thank you on the part of every person who struggles with weight like I did for so long and you come along and and you give scholarship money thank you for every one of those folks it's your ministry you're the one that's helping these people were the facilitators but your financial support helps these folks it helps them it reaches them and it gives them hope that wouldn't be there if you hadn't come along and said I want to support some people who are ready to make some major major changes in lives of Thank You to all of you and you know our way of saying thanks right now when you support this ministry is we send you this darling I think it's a good mail. Rest of the precious darling Christmas ornament it's wooden and it's got our logo on it and new life and it really is a great little thing for the tree to remind you guess what you have helped people change their lives. There you have having a round No I do say something people are going to be sitting around the tree rather than dads in a hotel room because your support now we can say starting really what you said was mean more important than what I said I did say but I don't know that our listeners know that you actually drew that So hang that tree on hanging that ornament on their tree is actually like have a little bit of your artwork splashed on there so can you kind of a humble guy that way you want to let the world know that that is here I will lay back out of the bag right yeah well Art That's the 1st 3 letters of my name so I love art and I'll tell you what the greatest art is watching God carve out a new person from the heat of what this world is to somebody I mean totally He is the master at that and we have to get to work with him and all right we'll take a break come right back after this with more new life. Has been an issue which I keep eating could push down the emotion I did really well and I actually before I went to live in la I ate and to get Poppy to get out of my country down and just move we had exercises every morning throughout the workshops and it really helped me to get in touch with that and get some movement going I just thought it was really well done because during the day we had to work shop and at night we had a smaller group I never felt so glad to be cared for in my life I walked away with that I had been having a long time living light was a turning point for me the Living Light workshop is coming to Washington d.c. January 26th to 20 to register or to find out more call 1809 life that's 180-639-5433 or go to New Life dot com. To find out more information about life or the world or any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1800 likes Now back to New Life like. We're back ledger with us here today on new life help us if you can call us at 1800 new life let's go to Jennifer Dallas Texas that's where Call centers are warehouse Human Resources big part of new life right there in big d. How are you I am well her reviewing doing Ok How can we help you what's going on. I'm having issues around having Yes I am I'm having some issues with my daughter she just turned 14 a few weeks ago. This summer. I saw on her phone that she had been texting a boy from school that I guess they were together. Not together. And I had another talk with her and I told her that I understand that she has family but she's too young to say I love you and to just go there with a boy and nothing would have been at but I thought that it was resolved and then a couple of weeks ago she was caught in the girl's restroom at school making out with this boy and because of that she was suspended for 3 months. Months and. They overdid it a little but. That's not for me to say. I don't know what to do on the single mom she does not know her father she's never known her father. Is not anywhere near the picture or a possibility of being in the picture. That's a question for us you know how to get her to see herself. And that she's not just an object to be used by men and that's not a healthy way of getting the attention. They didn't have sex or anything and it hasn't gone there yet but I know it if I if I cannot get ahold of this. Direction I need to go well let's see what. Do you think you're. Well Jennifer do you know your daughter has a daddy wound the size of Texas. Yeah yeah I'm well aware and I'm great at being a mom you're there well I know that I'm like record I know that but this is the thing is it's almost like I hear a mom who I hear a mom who's scared and I hear a mom who's really looking for a solution a quick solution to a problem the size of Texas she is looking for love she's never had a safe male love her and so what is happening is textbook it's classic love hunger and so I get the fact that we can't be moms and dads. But here at 14 you're starting to see the signs and so I would begin to look around my world and begin to see are there any safe men in your world how have you been with men I have men do you have good guy friends Ok so now in she has an older brother but he is 21 and he has his own. Apartment and so she didn't get every day time with him like she used to before he graduated I get it so but this is the deal a minute tell you something that might feel very weird but I would I would be looking right now you to get into a home group where couples are there where there are some healthy husbands and wives I am in a group that has both couples and singles and is through my church but I'm telling you those dad figures give me something in give other something that you cannot give so having your daughter join you at a gathering with them you may be a part of a Thanksgiving meal with them you you work to get her around some of these guys so she can feel what a healthy respectful loving man feels like and she won't know what that looks like if you don't have it either does that make sense. Yes because I'm great at women's bible studies ladies crew I know you're in very safe but you're not going to you know and I guarantee you you can find a church in Dallas that has this kind of philosophy about home gets her to her yeah and so the most likely there is a home group where they everybody kind of I mean that's why it's always been in the churches I've been with that single it's married and the people that benefit the most are everybody because they get to be part of different stages of life and put into the other kids so that's what I would be trying to do but that's pretty difficult kind of that right. Well then I would find a different church for that function is especially now I want to caution you about one thing when you tell a 14 year old that you don't know what love is or you know I know what you're saying there you know that she I mean it's not that she doesn't know what it is she's just still too he can't go there that she's opening a door to something much larger than she is capable of handling right now we'll just be sure you know I mean that you're affirming her feelings while you're challenging hurts and how you I don't move on Ok and I understand how wonderful it feels and the Butterfly and how she can make her smile and the way she doesn't smile and the other way she hasn't had a daddy say I love you she hasn't had a role model male sad love you so she's just you know probably attending the level you Me Ok at that age and it it's Ok so here I don't try I got a job going at my course yeah I got to jump in with something else here really quickly my actual biggest concern is that she's developing shame around her own development sexuality and feelings I have a huge concern about that getting suspended for 3 months from school. Gives her a clear message about her and her behavior her core problem is her worth because of that that he won't and I want to know who in who in her life is surrounding her with safety where she can tell the most honest version of her life of her feelings the best that a 14 year old girl can which is always very confusing but also just really built into or I'm really scared for in the sense that what she believes about herself and her own body your own family and so yes she needs support much more than she needs punishment now I'm not talking about boundaries she definitely needs boundaries now she needs a lot of support and for punishment Yeah well resourced is good what and why well you know what here's the thing it raises the question what are you are you very clear on what are you very clear on what was going on with her and the boy yeah because 2 kids making out and thought 3 months suspension doesn't make sense to me and you said this but it's not my place you know what I think it is your place to find out why. I'm going through 3 days of arguing with the Ok I'm going on I got you now where this issue is a model to the teachers love her and then tell them it's so sad I know it's under guard and hurt her teachers door thank you they said that it falls under a public lewdness that even though they watch having sex they were in public and that a teacher saw them. Because of. It's tragic that so much. Would be said about her with that severe punishment so I hope something that we've said is helpful to you and I think the main thing that we've said is do what you can to bring some healthy male affirmation into her life support her be there for her Oh my goodness there are no easy answers when there's no dad no easy answers there and Cherie I'm right with you home group where everybody's welcome that could be the key All right let's say let's go over here and let's talk with Lydia Washington d.c. Aviate is the station Hello Lydia How are you. Get what's going on oh Ok Well well thank you guys for taking my call I really truly appreciate it. Evidence you guys you know why oh. I'm calling because basically I guess I'm trying to figure out hockey deal with Nikolay why I went into . Into what happened that you're grieving what's the loss. You're going to pay much. Coming up on 2 years because I'm 36 years old and my my mother has a wiseass together and I actually moved out thank you Jesus 6 months prior but she passed away the day after Christmas is obviously. From cancer she was 56 and my best friend. Like in the whole wide world my other best friend coincidentally God when she was 27 How do you think. So that's something that you know it's a part of my life I can remember forever different people that I know all my life because you know I was up time to have his key and hitting Larry my grandmother who was 75 took a turn for the worst that she died from complications from pneumonia. And to work my other mother she was like protector her my dad was appreciative and she took us away we used to take the way and she's just recovered from surgery and she did it for the money just for she died and my aunt. For everything pretty much every day. Not you pick out a cancer. Like literally the same month. That I did I don't. Have tremendous you to do would be calling catastrophic loss or 3 year period. To me one year Ok so what's the question for us after we help. I guess my life I have to their own children and mine and working and stuff but I just you know. All the period. When the kids go away they go where you talk to the week and ask their cousins are you afterward I can just call them hold and I can just cry for the whole day like I can cause overnight I think it's a perfect day and. Like right well I like. Her in that I don't have to go I do much in front of people but I just a 2nd I should be happy. And I don't know how to be happy Ok so you're really in the throes of sadness and ongoing grief here and you'd have to say it's kind of getting to be a protracted grief there Kristie any thoughts here when you hear I mean it's a lot of loss but it's it's I wish it was getting better Yeah I mean that's just a tremendous amount of loss that is a lot of grief compounded on itself in a very short time and not all loss is created equal meaning that like these are women who are incredibly close to you and one of the other things I think that can be confusing about grief is that when we have a major grief or a certain grief in our life and typically in our thirty's and forty's it also triggers the grief that we have or the losses that we haven't grieved previously in our lives and solidity I think you're carrying a lot I mean you threw in there something about at dad who was abusive and I'm like there could be a tremendous loss there. But there but most importantly what I hear is that your grief has no comfort your grief your grief as a have a safe place to land in the lap of another person in the arms of their hands of another person and so the way you get by in the world is you put on a smile and that's the way you show up and that's the way you get acceptance but your grief has gotten so big the smile no longer works and so now it's the hard work of building some relationships or finding some people in your life that you that it's safe enough and that they can persevere enough to allow you to grieve in front of them that you can get the comfort perspective and guidance that you need through that process I think you have heard so many people and I carry my family here Ok And you have it this is this is what Chris was so to them because they don't really they're like feeling the same thing. Right I mean a different level I mean they don't understand why I don't know what they told me that I was the designated doctor. That like all the worse everything so this is the deal you've exchanged comfort in connection for what Chris said for no comfort you're trying to go like cold turkey you can't you're going to have to grieve when you're going to have to cry in the presence of someone a grief group. In fact the people that grieve with me when I cry back with them they heal. My story includes multiple physical and emotional affairs every day men struggle with sexual integrity impure thoughts strip clubs put on her feet my wife and that I had betrayed her she insisted that I would go to that every man's about all I had some idea perhaps of you know what to expect but I had no idea that it would have on me that it did there's just something about the way that you meet in a large group and then the smaller great doctors and the sharing is just something that I've never experienced before to register or to find out more call 1800 new life that's 186395433 or log on to New Life dot com This is the 1st time in my life that I ever felt comfortable and sharing the real me with other now in my mind it is one of the most critical things that a guy can do in his recovery 1800 n e w l i f t. Hi this is Steve Bartman in for 30 years new life has been the most trusted name in Christian counseling I am an addict and I am trying. To be a bigot to correct the problem but Christ centered treatment programs can help you break free to embrace all that God has for you and your family I don't find her bringing will cure a relationship but there really is help for marital problems depression addictions panic attacks and feelings of hopelessness and back with so many cool compare much to fight the drug on a battle but I have every day you can start living again today living the life God intended for you help is available the 1800 new life and follow up very lovingly and it made all the difference call us at 1800 new look someone who cares and is waiting at the other end of the phone God can open the door to a better tomorrow right now just call us at 1800 new lock 180-639-5433. We'd love to hear from you if you have a question or a comment call toll free 180-229-3000 now back to lifeline you're listening there live live Glad you're with us here today and Sherri you had something you wanted to say live a little bit different Agger there with Ok So Lydia this is my my thought because I'm just hearing you're all hearing you but as I'm hearing you. You sound anxious. You sound like your little motor is running at warp speed and so I think you're not only dealing with depression I think you're dealing with a combo right now you're dealing with anxiety and depression and anxiety comes out of all my goodness I've lost 3 of my favorite people in the last 2 years but 3 within a year and who else is going to die and so that internal fear and anxiety drives us. So that we have a harder time slowing down to feel our sad feelings it's almost like you're actually you're trying to cry on demand when your little motor brain. Gives you a moment but I would actually have you get into some treatment and I would have you see a psychiatrist to see if they can give your brain something right now to help it calm down so that you can actually move through your grief process does that make sense I hope it does. There's a diagnosis I give sometimes with people like a lady and I can't diagnose her cousin or know her but it's called an adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depression and I'm like I'm going she's got it you know absolutely So you got it it well it's an adjustment disorder with anxiety and depression sometimes people come in with catastrophic losses like Steve said you get both anxiety and depression and you gotta get therapy and you've gotta get some medication for your brain to help you go through their loss people like me we call it a double dog of a problem and you can get help from it but you have to go see a professional who really knows what they're doing they will try to help you find one you hang on and I'm going to say if you take your life back I hope it's going to be something that you will benefit from. We've been talking about support I want to play something that ne Deen recorded for us on why she supports new life Listen the 19th I'm so glad I can you knew life in a time I made it work and I lost my husband very due to suicide and I had congestive heart failure and I had to do that and when you lie I mean I hear people with problems beyond mine and I'm praising the poor here and I think to me as well as it what you all do so I thank you. Helps a lot. To hear how you help others from your pain and sorrow to take oh. I love that and it's a great encouragement to send you know you could really help us here you could help us reach more people like Nate Dean you're the reason that we're on the air and will you do something to help us go forward and when you do you're going to help a guy like Joe or Bobby or Lisa or somebody have a Christmas like absolutely would not have in a 1000000 years if new life hadn't been there for them and the only reason we were there before because somebody a lot of people decided to support this ministry so please do if you possibly can call us 1800 new life 1800 any w l i f e All right let's go over here let's talk with now about Brad Brad from Portland Oregon is calling Hello there I'm very low Steve hi Sherry and Chris and right Brad thanks so much for letting me have this opportunity to talk to you we were struggling with something and we've heard you got so many people in the past and now it's our turn Ok. Ok let's let's see if we can Ok so we have a grown daughter $27.00 she's been married to a man for about 7 years who struggle with the print augur fee addiction off and on but it's been mostly off and mostly not good it eventually turned to a situation where they felt they needed to divorce and that has been over the last couple of months I'm out of all of this she's beginning to experiment with a lesbian lifestyle and it's it wasn't a tendency that she was born with that we know of but I really think it's just purely as a result of what she's been through did struggle with anxiety into just a question teenager question quick question did he involve her in Pernod graphy No no no just 70 did on his own in secret but she kept finding out and just devastated there every time she came to that and they've been married how long 7 years Ok All right so the question for us is why besides praying and trying to speak truth to her and maintain a good connection which we really are grateful for what else can we do to try and keep her from going down this path that we know will be bad for her in the long run you know well you know. I just wonder if. This is a it's a tough thing to do this but I think it's so helpful is that you are able to express to her you totally understand how she could be interested then get into this and fall into this that you really do get Yeah you know if somebody has had a bad relationship with a man and then meets somebody who is seductive you know some of the same sex that seductive you know the just all things can fall in place and then you end up in a relationship just like anything if you can help or just to see that you understand it doesn't mean that you approve but that you understand how it could you can almost it begs her to see well if if they understand it then they can see maybe how this isn't something that has to be my destiny maybe they also understand how things could be different if you just don't out now reject or I don't know that I'm saying this very well. Last year after every man's battle is so moved by the transformation that I saw him not only in his soul but didn't he goes near a small group and the other people that were there in the stories that heard that I decided to go ahead and joint Club new life as a contributor to that you can help new life live stay on the air by joining clubs new life today call 1800 new life that's 186395433 years you're doing God's work here you're restoring marriages you're giving people hope it's just been such a blessing to me and I just want to encourage you all when you see something good because doing just jump on that help support that support club new life and together we can help hurting people find help and hope in life's hardest places call 186395433 if you're supporting them if you came in and just help them do what God is doing here in the world call 180-639-5433 extension 2 join Club new life today. You know one of the great things about life is some people when they're ever read a little chapter of a book you can put a video in front of them and say hey honey watch this with me and they'll watch that 5 minute clip and then 5 minute clip they change their lives forever and the course may change here's what one of our You're on the like thing we looked at the budget we added You know I'm not going to benefit from that like. Half an hour like that scribed that if you have a problem we have a program to match that problem and it's going to provide help and you know I don't know what your weight will never find a better value than all of the friends forming on your fun at. The why. Your life will never ends we really are proud of t.v. . Glad you joined us for a new life lived to be a part of the program called 180-229-3000 now back to life line we're actually part of a near hand we are talking to Brad a very concerned father who is dealing with really the residue of a porn problem and broken sure yet another comic you want to make your well I I think what we're hearing Brad is this tragedy has become more tragic and I have a girl friend of mine who I will leave nameless that I don't think she'd mind if I'd share but she like myself was a pastor's wife and her husband betrayed her. She got really wounded like I did like many women get and she had a belief that I can't trust men I hate men I can't trust myself and so she too began to pursue the lesbian lifestyle because she felt that she couldn't trust men her heart got wounded and Brad you may be her only safe male and there it is yeah you know again it's going to be going in and doing some trauma work with her and changing some of her negative beliefs. You know in order I am curious though it's interesting that you're calling and I'm not saying this is true because I think a woman through betrayal it can jack us up so much that we can you know go from a heterosexual to more of a pursuing a lesbian trying something different out of a sheer run a sheer surely running away from pain but my curiosity comes and I'm wondering how close she felt with your wife her mom and because sometimes I'm not saying this is your situation Brad but sometimes I've seen where there's band a vacuum in a Mom connection and nurture. Ring a comfort connection and so on the heels of betrayal like this there's almost a double whammy it's like they move towards this need for comfort that they haven't gotten from that that primary mom role and again it's just a thought I don't know if that is something that has been a part of your daughter's life more of a disconnect or kind of they're having a hard time connecting with their mom or not well and what's really difficult Yeah go ahead go ahead Brad I was going to just respond to that you said that actually the quality of the relationship is excellent Ok mom got it and it seems to be more of a cultural shift she's more effective by the people that she socialize as well right I think yeah I get it we've got a whole cultural problem that's going on well and I think that what's really hard is trauma seeks comfort and so and when that comfort gets sexualized which can easily happen it gets very confusing but it also gets stuck in what she really needs not that you can control this but maybe encourage your towards is that she really does need non-sexual intimacy she needs friends in her life that it doesn't get into the messy muddy waters of romance but it becomes about support and becomes about restoring her identity and restoring her value not about one other potential sexual injury that she could experience. Ok so the best hope continued the connection and really try to be there when as often happens things don't exactly work out. The way that she hoped and then you're there so it's a it's a fine line it's a tough thing and I'm so sorry you're having to go through it. I'm always ask you know what are the magic words that you say and turns everything around and you know I tell you it's rough it is very rough Ok well I'm going to send him a copy of what I think I'll send him a copy of take your life back because it'll help him to respond rather than react to all this if you can help us with our year in fundraising Oh my goodness we're getting we're in the December and we need your help and by the way when you give people get to go to the workshops they couldn't afford it every man's battle is January the 12th Living Light January 26th intimacy in marriage February 16th and restore hope for a woman's heart you know so many more people are going to experience transformation when you help us it's just going to happen this is your ministry it's your financial support that makes it happen and we're here serving you as you support the ministry God works through your gifts to bring the healing and the hope and we're just kind of the facilitators of what you're making happen here and I'll send you a Christmas ornament as our way of saying thanks All right let's see how about we talk with Heather Houston Texas take h.t. Is the station as you know thank you for taking my call you called and a couple of times I mean you're glad that you have and I hope we can help you today who have part of a composer who don't even know how to approach. And hello Sherri on that she went women in the battle a few years ago well hey have their it's great to have you trust us to call us back right I mean you mentioned that word. I think killing players. What happened a few years ago when I've gotten laid off from a job was actually a blessing because it gave me some time to get into therapy which needed therapy on a regular basis. And. At the same time there was a lot coming out in the media and in particular Bill Cosby and what about what had transpired with him what he was being accused of. Doping women in taking advantage of them and maybe using them triggered something that happened in my marriage Ok How can we help you now what's going on I've been in therapy. I don't know that it's going. To be it is. But I just want to get over the anger. I don't want to become better Ok. There how long ago was this. Sounds and feels like it was yesterday as you're talking about how long ago was it well let's see it was right after my daughter was born. And she's almost have it being. Sedentary you're you're the trauma specialist here what he what he said Yes Well I I I'm glad you're in therapy right now. I'm not hearing anger even though I think underneath anger is hurt fear and sadness I'm hearing a tremendous amount of loss. And this happened there have also lost my sister and I was close to my mom walked away. The 2 people that I could have talked to the most right so so we had a caller earlier today that Steve said it it was catastrophic. And having come to women in the battle I'm imagining there was betrayal trauma and you've got grief and loss and then you had this thing that happened with your husband which we don't know what it is but something very tragic that you got triggered by Bill Cosby so we can all imagine it it was a very painful thing. And sometimes I call this the belly of the whale when I'm working with people and doing trauma work and I don't know why I think I just think of no when he was traveling and you know got swallowed up by that great fish and there was just a bunch of dead fish heads and scales and license plates in there right and it was not a good place it didn't feel good to be there nor did he want to be in that place but when you go in and doing these deep work sometimes I have to see people couple times a week while we're in the belly of this whale in order to help them get to the other side of it because you can and you will my dear I want you to hear me have there you will get to the other side of it but when we're in it it can't hurt because we're feeling our feelings that we've had to take out of the dark. So I would probably call your therapist you're working with and I would probably ask you know what I think I need to see a little bit more right now and it will just be a for a period of time just to get through this pain because we've got the holidays my I don't know about you Chris but my schedule right now is extra fall because I've got people calling because they're getting triggered with the holidays and so they need more support because they've got more grieving to do Yeah absolutely and I would just add on to that Heather I want to affirm in you that you in the midst of this tremendous amount of pain and loss and and trauma that you've been through are protecting your heart against anger and bitterness which are very natural responses to hurt that tells me that you need to be reminded that you are an amazing person a person of deep love a person of deep care and that there is goodness inside of you in the midst of all of the things you're going through right now. We love you we believe in you have there we know you're a part of our family you matter to us Well I don't know if you have and I'm going to send you healing is a choice I hope you haven't you've gone through it look at that grieving part but I'll tell you sometimes we just have to say I've got to reach out I've got to do more I've got to go to the next level for anything to finally be resolved we'll take a break come back for the final segment of new life love right and. Every for I went to live in I ate and happy to get out of my country and just we had exercises every morning throughout the workshop and it really helped me to get in touch with that and get some movement going I just thought it was really well. Because during the day we had to work shop and at night we had a smaller group I never held the labs and cared for in my life I walked away with that I had an am a long time living life mission a turning point for me the Living Light workshop is coming to Washington d.c. January 26th to the 28th to register or to find out more call 1800 life that's 186395433 or go to New Life dot com. To find out more information about life or the world or any of the resources mentioned on today's program call 1800 likes Now back to new lifeline. We're back seaboard we're here with Chris Williams and Dr Sherry kefir we're going to go over here to Ed from Lexington Kentucky listens on Sirius x.m. 1 pm that's what time we come on Eastern time on 131 hi there how are you. Will say that where you say well. Why. Don't you what can you do you can you could turn down the radio or whatever some background there. Sorry yeah I said talk to us on a normal phone there and we'll yeah yeah what's going to. Be the same thing last night that we've been an assist that that is still kind of hurtful but she told us last night since she's. Like lights girls. So used the word lesbian which is good. She said in years old and she has a lot of. Kids to go with where she's not only she's back to Chad we've we've struggled with. We've dealt with. That rejection and. Then so I'm just kind of and just kind. I'm no revenue article you're not supposed to blame yourself but I just can stop it and stop playing unless you know. So is there a specific question that you want to stay answer for you will just have to deal with it and where should we. See some of the girls that she used to live in way. Before she told us about it they stayed in our house and in this one. Yeah we're Christian family and we told her you know that God's best plan is for marriage is Man and Woman Yeah Ok Well let us help you with this and of course we don't have any magic words but sure you want to start us off what is the best way to approach a situation like this Well I would approach or as you approached her in the past his is with love I could hear that in your voice I hear the disappointment but you're on a new journey with her right now and changing the channel on what she just told you is actually for you and your wife is a trauma vent I sit with families I have moms and dads to come in to do some work on their grief and loss around they're finding out their child is same sex attracted and one of the beliefs that is very common for parents is this it's a negative shame belief that sounds like this it says I did something wrong or I should have done something and that's where your guilt is coming from. The bottom line is you actually invited this young lady into your home and you've left her when she was abandoned and this may be a way she's trying to find comfort attachment and love and it could go all the way back to her birth story so the fact that you guys have opened your hearts and home to her and provided a safe place is going to really need to you're going to need to turn up the Bunsen burner on that you're going to have to be more safe more loving and really start listening to her heart and that doesn't mean I guess I had a daughter I don't know how you guys feel I know we're limited on time but let's just say I knew my daughter who was her age 17 was crazy about this boy and I knew they were sexually attracted to other each other I wouldn't let them share a bedroom and so those are going to be conversations you're going to have to navigate in light of this just saying you know as we're getting to know you there in no this part of you we also want to have our house be a safe place in your bedroom be a safe place as long as you live here as far as your sexuality goes so there can be some guidelines around that whether she's same sex attracted or opposite sex attractive Yes So there is a lot of love and support to give her but that is not apart from the boundaries that need to be put in place and I want to say for you that this year I have a love that your honest about being in a struggle against kind of blaming yourself for making yourself responsible for this but there's 3 Cs I want you to keep in mind here I know these to be true you did not cause this in her life. Alternately you may not be able to control it doesn't mean that you don't care and that you don't know that you're not truthful but then the last thing is that you're not also responsible for curing it . So you didn't cause it you can't control it you can't cure it but you can connect with her and you can care for her which intends bad boundaries and you probably will not care and connect if you spend all your time trying to convince her that it's wrong I think you have to let it she knows now probably how you feel now let's get on with trying to build a connection here and and go through life together and to me that is what makes for the widest path for her to make a radical decision about her life to go a different direction and she's had it now but if it's always about every time you're together you're trying to convince her then she's not going to want to be around you and then you lose the impact that you can have in her life and I would just never ever give up on the hope that this thing really could turn around for her so don't give up and to that end I'm just going to send you my own case book how we love and it'll help you understand your relationship with her and 100 percent kids are not robots and you can just do a fantastic job with one child and and do the same thing with the other and that's not the same result because kids they have a mind of their own still well I mean you know one thing if you're that oftentimes peerless don't think about go online and Google support group for Christian parents with gay kids or kids of the same sex and find it la times are online and you can get some support there yeah good good point all right we were just out of time please know that we've got some wonderful things for you in January starting off with living light our weight loss is the weekend or 2 weekends right after every man's battle on the 12th of January. Or intimacy in marriage is very 16th restorer a woman's heart failure 23rd take your life back March 16th you may not need a workshop but you need something a resource a book take your life back how we love something that we've done smart love call us call us let us help you but you have to call us let us help you please and if you can help us reach our amazing goal of 1.5 $1000000.00 to get things right here our goal in December it's going to help and your partnership with us is the only way that we can continue for folks to experience healing and hope in life's hardass places this is your ministry we are serving you as you support us and we're thankful for all who have but please help us move into this next year with strength so that we can reach more people than ever I am so excited about the thousands upon thousands of men and women who will have a Christmas this year it would never have if you had not supported new life call us at $1800.00 new life come on board be part of an amazing amazing transformation in somebody's life have a great day 1800 new life that's the number to call. Thanks for listening we hope this program is hope you like the new insights train to me challenges you face in your life we want you to know that we're here for you which you also need to know that new life life as a listener supported ministry to make your donation or to get any of the resources mentioned on today's program called 1800 life that's 180635433 or write to us at New Life Ministries p.o. Box 1029 Lake Forest California 9609. Please join us again tomorrow for a life long. Play our mobile app scratched away an advent calendar a contest to win cool prizes and great stocking stuffers today's prizes or get certificates from road d.c. Yoga will scratch to win every day now through Christmas Eve play on Christmas Day and you could win the grand prize of Panda Mira Speedway prize package valued at over $500.00 download our mobile app today in the end of story and Google Play. People like you are turning to despair to the children in school excess radiate the hope of Christ that they're receiving I would just encourage anyone listening so just come alongside and support this work because it will have any trouble and I. Thank you for bringing hope to refugee kids this proceeds called 818054 or give online at 947 f.m. The word dot com You can be just absolutely from a life changing path to God 1st step and listen to faith walk today at 2 pm weekdays right here on 94.7 f.m. The word Dr Calvin Whitman senior pastor at applewood Baptist Church and we read shares wisdom and insight to inspire and encourage you the goal is to give you a practical understanding of God's word and help you apply it to your daily walk to an interfaith walk today with Dr Calman what kind of Apple would have a search weekdays at 2 pm and also Sundays at 10 30 am and 94.7 f.m. The word your invited to celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ with the fellowship family of Calvary of Christmas at Calvary is 5 identical family worship services with special music and a strong eventual estate message from Pastor read in the wonder and glory of Christmas join us on Saturday December 23rd at 24 or 6 pm for Sunday December 24th at 84510454 more information 303-268-7200 or visit Calvary or a da to work it's the most wonderful time of the year Merry Christmas from jr. Denver's for 7.