And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 545. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much hey wow that is a hot crowd right there. Thats what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love right there. Welcome, everybody. Welcome welcome to the tonight show this is it. You made it. Youre the show. Thank you so much for being here. Well, heres what people are talking about. Its a pretty big deal. For the first time in its 34year history, usa today weighed in on the president ial race to say donald trump is unfit to be president. [ cheers and applause ] i guess usa today thinks if trump wins, there wont be a a usa tomorrow. [ laughter and applause ] the big story out today is that trump continues to lt against a former miss universe, tweeting in the middle of the night that people should check out her sex tape. Americans were like, thats okay, but thanks for letting us know what you were doing last night. [ laughter and applause ] were good. And get this, a new report found that donald trump wanted to fire waitresses at one of his golf courses because he didnt find them attractive enough. So it looks like hillarys not the only candidate whos had problems with a server. [ laughter and applause ] i didnt read the full story. Steve full story. Its crazy. Jimmy meanwhile, msnbc announced it will be doing allday coverage for tuesdays Vice President ial debate. Thats right. A full day covering mike pence and tim kaine. Even the Weather Channel is like, that sounds brutal. [ laughter and applause ] wow, all day . Okay. I saw that Hillary Clinton held a rally in iowa yesterday and afterwards, her campaign drove voters to polling stations for early voting, which is actually just a nice way of saying, kidnapping. Thats sweet, though. [ applause ] either way. Speaking of sweet, i thought this was kind of sweet. I read about a 98yearold Vermont Republican who wrote a a letter to Hillary Clinton to tell her that hes voting for her. Of course, the mailbox he put it in was actually a birdhouse, but still he doesnt know. [ laughter and applause ] hes 98. Mailing this letter to Hillary Clinton. Earlier this week, Bernie Sanders said that he and Hillary Clinton reached an agreement on a tuitionfree college plan for families earning less than 125,000 a year. [ cheers and applause ] then he added, by agreement, i mean, she basically stole my idea. [ light laughter ] but yeah. We agree. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, sure. On wednesday, Bernie Sanders actually campaigned with hillary for the First Time Since july, at one point, he seemed to get distracted by something. Ke come together, knowing we are stronger together to come up with specific policies in education, in health and so much more. Jimmy i mean, thats just he has everyones phone number and he even gets and the camera cut to it. Steve the camera caught it. Jimmy theres a camera over his lap. I know. The whole thing. Steve oh, my gosh. Jimmy cameras are everywhere, man. Drones, dude. Steve they are everywhere. Jimmy im telling you. Steve drone, man. Drone it up. Jimmy drone, man. And finally, heres a little designed to take care of children. I had Something Like that growing up too, it was called a a television, and it was very fun. Guys, we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] . . . . Jimmy drone, man. Steve drone it up. Jimmy nah, man. Guys, coming back again next week, on monday, emily blunt will be here. [ cheers and applause ] steve jimmy oh, we love emily blunt. And were going to play a game of box of lies. Then later next week its a a great week, john goodman will be here. Ashton kutcher will be here. Ben affleck will be here and tyler perry will all be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] great music. Great next week is a a fantastic week for music. The sun, norah jones, green day, and van morrison [ cheers and applause ] steve thats nuts. Jimmy drones, man. Steve drones, man. Jimmy put your money in drones. Steve drone it up. Jimmy trust me, man. Steve drones are the future. Jimmy dont get me upset tonight, you know . Im telling you, man. Steve whys that . [ laughter ] jimmy i lost my train of thought. Steve cause of the drones. Jimmy oh, no, i remember. Drones. Jimmy but first, we have a hes currently starring on broadway in the front page, and he has a new Childrens Book coming out, the hilarious nathan lane is here. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy naughty mabel. The naughty mabel series. Its super cute. Its super cute about his dog. Steve i love nathan lane. Hes the best. Jimmy he is the greatest. Hes a great actor, super funny. He also comes and has a a gazillion jokes and i just i almost dont have to do anything. Hes the greatest guest to have. I love him so much. And then nathan and i are coming on, we always force him to play a game or do stuff, he doesnt like it. But, were going to force him. Not really, he loves it. Were going to play a game of fast family feud. Thats right. [ cheers and applause ] this gentleman, hot. This gentleman is hot [ cheers ] he stars in the new hbo series, westworld, big buzz around that one, my man James Marsden is dropping by. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and we have fantastic standup from comedian nikki glaser tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i know nikkis fantastic. Im happy shes here. You guys, a cool thing happened to me the other day. Willie nelson was in town. Yeah. And hes always on tour. And he invited me to come see his show and it was awesome. If you get a chance, go see Willie Nelson in concert. It is unbelievable. So i went and i loved it. But not only that, i actually got to hang out with him on his tour bus. [ laughter ] right before the show. And talk to him for a little bit. And i think there was like a a drone in the bus or Something Like that, because they taped the whole thing. Steve the whole things taped. Via drone. Jimmy we taped the whole thing. Its pretty interesting. Check out this. Jimmy Willie Nelson, thank you so much for having me on i mean, this is awesome. Tour bus looks great. I guess this makes it very easy to go on the road again. [ light laughter ] what are you going to do tonight . Youre going to do, always on my mind, right . Blue eyes crying in the rain . Whiskey river . Yeah. Of course, come on, do it with me . To all the girls [ light laughter ] yeah. Anyway, i was thinking maybe after the show, we can go get something to eat, maybe get some italian. Chinese . Thai . Youre right. Lets just wing it. Well, i should probably get going. Your shows about to start. This was fun. Not much of a talker, are you . [ laughter and applause ] how about mexican . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you to our pal, Willie Nelson [ cheers and applause ] oh, we love Willie Nelson. His latest album, for the good is out now. And you can pick up his new holiday novel, pretty paper on october, 25th. Stick around well be back with thank you notes, everybody. Willie [ cheers and applause ] . . Get the new iphone on us when you switch to at t and have directv. . Oh . . With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of . New limited edition cherry from limearita. The bold margarita. Is that icet . Nope, its lemonade. Is that icet . Lemonade. Icet . Whats with these people, man . Lemonade, read the sign. Lemonade. Read it. Ok. Delicious. Icet at a Lemonade Stand . Surprising. Whats not surprising . How much money marin saved by switching to geico. Its lemonade, man fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. . . [ hawk squawk ] start boldly with the apple that bites back. [ whip cracks ] redds wicked apple. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, guys. Its a big weekend. This weekend is the big roots picnic weekend questlove absolutely. Jimmy over in yeah. Questlove bryant park. Jimmy central park. Questlove bryant park. Jimmy yeah, this is a this is in bryant park . Questlove bryant park. Are Tickets Still available . Questlove maybe, for the second show. Jimmy second show, try to sneak in, get tickets, go see the roots. It is unbelievable. Everybody showing up this to this thing. Theyve been rehearsing all week. Questlove yeah, true. Jimmy i mean, you were here probably last night or the night before until like 4 00 a. M. Yeah, i mean, really, they go for it. So really, we had said go see Willie Nelson live. But, go see the roots live, support these guys. [ cheers and applause ] roots picnic, bryant park. Bryant park this weekend. Check it out. Thats usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. I check my inbox. I return some emails, and of course i send out thank you notes. And i was just wondering [ cheers and applause ] running behind, so i thought if you wouldnt mind, id just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now, im sorry, that you dont write them out higgins. But, i do. Steve no, you do. But thats all right. Jimmy james, can i get some thank you note steve oh, he blinked. [ talking over each other jimmy james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . . . Steve now hes back. Jimmy hes always in the best mood. Steve you know what hes always cute. Jimmy you know hes holding his breath like Willie Nelson. Steve like Willie Nelson. Jimmy Willie Nelson. I know. [ cheers and applause ] steve drone. Jimmy drone. Thank you, james. . . Thank you, lester holt at the its like to be a kid in the back of a car while your parents are arguing. [ laughter and applause ] sorry. Hold on. Lets change the subject. . . Jimmy thank you, bobbing for apples, for being the most festive way to water board yourself. [ laughter and applause ] ill give you the codes. . . Either giving me one tissue or 30. [ laughter and applause ] . . Thank you, croutons, for being like the lucky charms marshmallows of salad. [ laughter and applause ] steve theyre magically jimmy thank you, restaurants that automatically add an 18 gratuity. I was going to leave you 20 , but thats what you get for being sneaky. [ laughter and applause ] . . Thank you, rakes, but i got to be honest. You aint nothing but a fancy hoe. [ laughter and applause ] steve in jimmy good day to you, sir jimmy fancy hoe [ talking over each other ] [ slap ] [ slap ] [ slap ] [ laughter ] steve your leather gauntlet. Drone. Jimmy thank you, candy corn, for finding a way to ruin both candy and corn. There you go. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with nathan lane [ cheers and applause ] . . Inside the rack houses of jim beam thousands of barrels lay silent that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours . Now try jim beam apple poured over ice and serve with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge to make a crisp, refreshing jim beam apple and soda. Its endless shrimp at red lobster. And try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. Just come in before it ends. This piece is so you. I saw it and i was just like oh, i have to have it. State farm knows that every one those moments, theres one of these. This piece is so you. I saw it and i was just like i have to have it. From renters insurance. To rewards credit cards, state farm is here to help life go right. I tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . Standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. Its here. The amazing new iphone everyones excited about. And tmobile is the best place to get it. Your iphone deserves a network built for unlimited data. So you can use your new iphone 7 to stream, watch and play as much as you want. All on americas fastest 4g lte network. With unlimited everything from tmobileone on the amazing new iphone 7. kids laughing whats going on . Shhh gasp you going to shut it down . This is totally going viral. I wanna go viral. Going viral . Get scrubbing bubbles, clean and disinfect. 20,000 views what . Oh, it looks so clean in here. Still others evolved so much. They dont even need to wear pants. With hanes xtemp technology, youll stay cool under pressure. Even when saving the world from apocalypse. Wait. What now . Hanes xtemp technology. Because when youre cool, youre comfortable. Xmen apocalypse, look for it on bluray . , dvd and digital hd. Introducing dunkins new cold brew coffee, steeped slowly in cold water for small batches with an ultrasmooth, fullbodied flavor. Discover the craft of cold brew today and keep on. . . This fall at dunkin donuts, get lost in pumpkin with a 1. 99 medium macchiato or latte from 12 00 to 6 00 p. M. Sip in the season today. America runs on dunkin. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is an emmy and Tony Awardwinning actor whos currently starring on broadway in the front page at the broadhurst theater. He also has a new Childrens Book coming out this tuesday called naughty mabel sees it all. This is the sequel to naughty mabel which this is the first one, there. This is naughty mabel sees it all, its super cute. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome nathan lane [ cheers and applause ] . . Jimmy new york loves you. Oh, my goodness, nathan lane. And i love you. I must say, it is such a a pleasure to be here and its always an honor to be played on by the roots. Jimmy yes. Jimmyi know what it is . Its the fall. I love fall in new york. Jimmy you do . [ cheers and applause ] you know. Jimmy it is magical. I know. Thats when i know its time to clean out the panic room, call uber for a hay ride, and then i switch over to Pumpkin Spiced xanax. [ light laughter ] jimmy oh, its just that time of year. Its that time of year. Its great to be back [ sniffing ] because i love appearing on your show. [ sniffing ] jimmy you do, yeah. Im sorry. Jimmy its okay. I seem to have caught whatever donald trump had during the debate. Jimmy oh, my god. Im so sorry you have that. Oh, boy. Sorry. Jimmy what was that . That was did you watch the debate . You must have. Well, sure, 84 Million People watched the debate. They watched a bloated piece of candy corn yell at a sick woman with lipstick on her teeth. [ laughter ] and it was the second highest rated program of all time. Jimmy it was. Passing the seinfeld finale. Which makes sense, because both shows were about nothing. [ light laughter ] but you know, i love [ applause ] microphone for his poor performance. He finally ran out of ethnic groups to blame and went on to inanimate objects. [ laughter and applause ] but, look look, in 38 days, theres a a 50 50 chance donald trump could become the next president or kfcs new extra crispy colonel. [ laughter ] jimmy he would be a good colonel, wouldnt he . Watching the debate was scary for me. I mean its very tough, because as you know, i never miss but the highlight [ laughter ] the highlight was seeing bill clinton shake hands with melania trump, because didnt you you got the sense that they both had the same thought, lets run away together. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Of course [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i had that same feeling. Of course, its always fun to see trumps sons, uday and qusay. [ light laughter ] jimmy his sons. And of course the real excitement starts next week, as you said, with the v im going to record it and use it as a white noise machine. [ laughter ] mike pence and tim kaine, and we thought we were white. [ light laughter ] jimmy nathan, nathan, what happens if what if trump wins . Oh, well, aside from hell freezing over . Well, lets imagine that, shall we . President trumps first 100 days well maybe not 100. Lets do the first 30 days. When he moves to the white house, the first thing hell [ light laughter ] then, of course, i can see hell pick a Supreme Court nominee based on a swimsuit competition. Jimmy yeah. The second week, hell put his head on mt. Rushmore and his face on the Million Dollar bill. [ applause ] jimmy something different. And then i see him hanging his shirtless portrait of Vladimir Putin over the mantle. [ light laughter ] you know, Chris Christie will be part of trumps cabinet. And whos spent more time in cabinets than Chris Christie . And i love id love Rudy Giuliani to be secretary of state, not because hed be good, just because id like it would be fun to hear a man with a lisp keep saying, secretary of state. [ laughter ] jimmy over and over again. Over and over again. And then hell nuke canada. You know. Jimmy of course, that goes without saying. For the hell of it. Jimmy yeah, you like fun things. This is a fun thing. Oh. Thank you. Jimmy this is the sequel. I loved the first one. Thank you. Jimmy im not just saying that, because i have two little girls and i read this all the time and we loved it. Its really fun. cause its a naughty little dog it comes out next week. Were very happy with it. And the real mabel, of course, who inspired it jimmy how is the real mabel . Well, she has been sick recently. Jimmy oh, im sorry. This is, its true. She was acting strangely after i had taken her out for a walk. She was sort of bleary eyed and stumbling, and i was very upset. I rushed her to the vet, and they did some tests, and it turned out that e strains of marijuana and pcp in her system. And that she had apparently eaten the remains of a joint on the street and was high and hallucinating. [ audience ohs ] jimmy thats terrible. Now, i should have suspected something when she went to burning man. [ laughter ] but now im worried because shes hanging out a lot with seth rogens dog. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, thats a give away. Now when the mailman shows whatever. I think she may be dealing, because i keep finding wads of cash under her doggy bed. Jimmy oh, my god. Look, a friend of mine, his dog ate some viagra once, and lets just say, for four hours, he could not roll over. [ laughter ] jimmy just kind of stuck in one position. Oh, yeah. I think so. Jimmy lets talk about the boy, can you paint a a picture. Jimmy thank you. [ light laughter ] i took creative writing in college. Lets talk about this, the frpa jimmy this is look at the cast here. Its a night of 100 stars. Jimmy look at the cast here. John slattery, john goodman, robert morse [ applause ] jimmy how insane. I must say jimmy this is over at the broadhurst theater. Yes. Its a great, classic comedy from the 20s. Its a hilarious play and jimmy i loved it. By hecht and macarthur. Its just an amazing cast and im really, ive been having the most fun ive had in a long time. But more importantly, i just want to discuss something with i want to discuss your, dare i say, obsession with broadway. I mean, because youre at the theater almost every night. [ light laughter ] most married men hide playboys, you hide play bills. Jimmy i do. I make sure that theyre i mean, are you going to dress up like Bernadette Peters again for halloween . [ light laughter ] isnt it strange that you come to my super bowl parties and i go to your tony award parties . [ light laughter ] ill never forget when you got hysterical when Kristen Chenoweth left wicked. Jimmy i couldnt believe it. Cried like claire danes in homeland. Jimmy i couldnt believe it. I couldnt believe jimmy i couldnt believe it was actually happening. And by the way, Linmanuel Miranda told me to tell you to stop calling him. You cant play aaron burr. Jimmy why . But he thinks youd make a a good newsie. [ cheers ] jimmy well, thats interesting. I would try that. . The headline today whats the headline today . Wow. Jimmy everywhere something . What is the song from newsies . . The headline today whats the headline . Ive never seen newsies. Jimmy me neither. Ive never seen it. [ laughter ] im assuming its newspaper jimmy get em off the truck. Get em off the [ light laughter ] get em off the truck. Get em off the truck. No, but in spite of this, you have never seen me in a a show. I mean, by my count, youve had jimmy what . Lets see. There were 23 wisdom teeth removed and 11 aunts died. Whats holding you back from seeing me, the commute . You even waited until i left a a play to see marty short, who replaced me. That really hurt. At jimmy i did. I did actually see him. Really. Jimmy he was fantastic. [ laughter ] he was great of course he is. Hes a genius. Jimmy oh, before you leave yes . Jimmy can we force you to play a game . Oh, now, listen, ill play a a game with you but you have to promise to be nice, jimmy. Jimmy i am nice. Im always nice. Jimmy not jimmy whos like a kid on Christmas Morning getting a pony. Not competitive jimmy whos like a former cia assassin. [ laughter ] whose eyes glaze over like a a shark taking its first bite. I need nice jimmy. Used to playing parlor games. I came from a family, their idea of entertainment was drinking until they couldnt pronounce their own names and passing out. [ light laughter ] we did not play charades and parcheesi. There was there was vicious recrimination and a lot of alcohol. Jimmy lets do this. Lets do this. When we come back, nathan lane and i are playing fast family feud. When we get back. [ cheers and applause ] . . You work at ge . Yeah, i do. You guys are working on some pretty big stuff over there, right . Like a new language for crazybig, worldchanging machines. Well, not me specifically. I work on the industrial side. So i build the worldchanging machines. I get it. You cant talk because its super highlevel. No, i actually do build the machines. Blink if what youre doing involves encrypted data transfer. Wow . What wow . There is no wow. . . . . . . One smart choice leads to the next. . . The new 2017 ford fusion is here. Its the beauty whatcha got there . New cheezit sandwich crackers made with real cheese ummmm. Sammiches sandwich with a d sammich. Sandwich Sammich Sammich see ahahaha we take time for our cheese to mature, in our new cheezit sandwich crackers. Sammiches. We are a military family. They travel a lot. Every four years when we got restationed you think its going to be the biggest change in your life but theres always more changes to come. And when i go to t. J. Maxx i buy good quality things that are going to last a long time. Everything i get there, i get at a lower price. Shopping at t. J. Maxx is always like a bonding experience. Discover real value worth sharing. I just think that home, its wherever your family is. . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. Were hanging out with the one and only nathan lane [ cheers and applause ] you have to see him in the play the front page at the broadhurst theater. And starting tuesday, you can pick up his new Childrens Book, naughty mabel sees it all. Nathan and i are about to play a game thats Just Like Family feud, only faster. Its time for fast family feud. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] . Fast family feud jimmy getting warmed up. Heres how it works. Were going to hear a question and whoever buzzes in first gets to answer it. You get if you get the number one answer, you automatically win that round. But if you dont, the other person has a chance to steal the round. You ready to play . Yeah, lets do it. Jimmy whoa [ light laughter ] youre a little competitive. Sorry. Yeah, i know. Jimmy very competitive, all right. We surveyed our audience and the top three answers this isnt even the game yet. Theyre on the board. Lets hear the first question. Name something you like to drink in the fall. [ buzzer ] jimmy apple cider. [ ding ] [ cheers ] thats the number two answer. Something you like to drink in the fall. Lets see. Mulled wine. [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] jimmy you want a popular answer. Youre not going for a you might as well just say buttermilk. What was number one . Jimmy okay, right. [ cheers and applause ] oh, and everyone was judgmental about mulled wine. But Pumpkin Spice latte . Jimmy i call it punkin spice latte. You pretentious jimmy stop calm it down. I want happy, friendly nathan. All right, okay. Jimmy here we go, round two nice jimmy, nice nathan. Name something that can happen to you when you laugh too hard. [ buzzer ] oh, damn jimmyap [ ding ] . . Oh, thats close. Ill take that one. Pee and poop are the same thing. [ laughter ] wait a minute. You know, im no scientist, but not not really. Not quite exactly. Jimmy the judges have been drinking. I dont understand what was the number two you get a pain in your side. [ ding ] you cry. Jimmy ive been doing that. Yeah. Oh, thats true. [ ding ] snort. Snort. Our audience, right . [ cheers and applause ] think about that when you answer this one. All right. Well, so far, i have not youve beaten me to the buzzer every time. Jimmy thats a good name of a game show, beat the buzzer. Beat me to the buzzer. Jimmy beat me to the buzzer. Its a british sitcom, beat me to the butler. [ english accent ] there you go, once again, youve beat me to the butler. Good day to you, sir i said good day jimmy i said good day good day jimmy were doing that next time youre here, beat me to the butler, were doing it. Round three, lets hear the question. Name a fictional creature that people want to have as a a pet. [ buzzer ] unicorn. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy what . How in the heck did you get that . How could you have a unicorn as a pet . Where do you put it . What do you feed it . You know, youd have to have a large apartment. Could hang your dry cleaning on its horn. Jimmy thats true. Just like if you have a a treadmill in the house. Thats what i do. Number two and three, what are those . [ ding ] dragon. [ ding ] pokemon. Jimmy thats good. I was going to say, gremlin. Dont they seem like fun . Yeah. Jimmy pokemon. All right. Final round. This is it. This is for everything. Whoever wins this wins the whole thing. Wow. Jimmy lets hear the question here. Name another word for kiss. Name another word for kiss. [ buzzer ] jimmy smooch smooch. [ laughter ] [ ding ] jimmy hey . . [ cheers and applause ] lets see what else is on the board here real quick. [ ding ] [ ding ] i love you, buddy. I love you, too. Jimmy nathan lane is the winner. Come on, we both said it. [ cheers and applause ] smooch. Well be right back with James Marsden, ladies and this is my body of proof. Proof of less joint pain. And clearer skin. This is my body of proof that i can fight Psoriatic Arthritis with humira. Humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. Its proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. Humira is the number 1 prescribed biologic humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Want more proof . Ask your rheumatologist about humira. [ electricity buzzing ] start boldly with the apple that bites back. Redds wicked apple. Its about to get wicked. Wild mustangs. I cant believe we live in the middle of all this. Theyre supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. Really. . I read that once. State farm knows that for every one of those moments, theres one of these. S . . I cant believe we live in the middle of all this theyre supposed to be one of the most gentle creatures in nature. Really . I don know, i read that once. Thats why more people save money by combining their home and auto with state farm. Here to help life go right, state farm. When cold and flu hold you back try theraflu expressmax, now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. Theraflu. . Oh . . With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of . . I said, its getting hot in herre . . . [ cheers and applause ] the notebook, enchanted, and the blockbuster xmen franchise. Hes now starring in the highly anticipated new hbo series, westworld, which premiers this sunday at 9 00 p. M. Please welcome the very talented James Marsden [ cheers and applause ] . . . . Jimmy hello come on. Come on. Jimmy youre the best. Come on. You know it. Oh, stop it. Jimmy im psyched that youre here, and congrats on the magazine cover, which thank you. Jimmy you look fantastic and sharp as always. [ cheers ] thank you. Jimmy look at this. The worlds handsomest man. Yeah, its just jimmy not too shabby right there, buddy. I i could have used that in high school. Jimmy the worlds the worlds handsomest man. Its a fact. Jimmy now its a fact. Now. Jimmy and now its just true. I just were you were you in there somewhere . Jimmy i took myself out of the running after winning for so many years. [ laughter ] i thought someone else could maybe win. Okay, well, i appreciate your charity. Jimmy its like looking in a mirror exactly the same. It is. Jimmy but your mom must love this, come on. Oh yeah she loves it. I try to tell my mom, im like, you know, worlds most handsomest man of the world, probably westwo she said, nope, nope. I guess thats how my mom talks now, nope, nope yeah yeah jimmy like a construction worker, smokes a lot. Nope, no way that my son isnt the most handsomest man in the whole world. [ laughter ] jimmy smoking those cigars all the time. She said, no now shes british. Jimmy mary poppins is your mom. Shaking her head. What did i do to deserve this . She she likes to think its the whole wide world. Jimmy it is the whole wide world. Mom, youre totally right. I mean look at this guy. Hes doing great, isnt he awesome . [ cheers and applause ] oh boy, have you ever been have you ever been bonked . Bonked . Jimmy yeah. Can we talk about this on nbc . Jimmy yeah its an bonk is an app, a free app where if you can put your face in this thing and press a button you wondering if the worlds handsomest man has ever tried being bonked. Oh, okay, what does it do . Jimmy put your face in there. Okay. Jimmy thats a good photo there. Okay. All right. Whatever you say. Jimmy bonk. [ bonk noises ] [ laughter ] i mean [ laughter ] jimmy there you go. I like that, i like that. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy not too shabby. Jimmy still got it, man. Most handsomest man in the world. Jimmy did you hear Chris Harrison, our dude Chris Harrison who is the host of the bachelorette and the bachelor, he said the next bachelor thats coming out, his name is nick or Something Like that, hes the James Marsden of bachelors or something. Oh, im scared to ask what that means. Jimmy yeah, i dont know what that what do you think that means . Well, is he does he have bad luck getting the girl . Yeah. Okay, thats probably what it means. [ laughter ] jimmy really . S nice. Thank you. Jimmy because youre typecast in the movies . No, i think theres a couple of my films that were very successful, i end up sort of not getting the girl, you know . I lose out to the, you know, the ryan gosling and the hugh jackmans. Jimmy hey, come on do you have any sad music you can play . Jimmy tell me about it. And, you know, theres its like hes upright and treats her well. Jimmy can we lower the lights a little bit too . . Lady, for so many years ive thought id never find you . What are we doing . Jimmy were singing kenny rogers. That is kenny rogers. . You have come and made me such a fool . [ cheers ] but they always go with the goslings. [ laughter ] . Youre my lady i love you . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy westworld. [ laughter ] yeah. Westworld. I love when youre on, we can always play around with that. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing that. Westworld, everyones talking about this. Its so scifi, its western, its hbo, its exciting. Yeah, its its coming out this sunday. Its basically based on a a Michael Crichton movie in the 70s where its a futuristic theme park like jurassic park, in which the paying visitors can go live out their fantasies, you know, nihilistic or violent or sexual, in this by robots, essentially. Jimmy and you dont know whos a robot and whos part of the western game. Right, right, the robots are indistinguishable from humans, so you can kind of live out all your like jimmy no spoilers here. I dont want to know who you are. I wont tell you. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] jimmy heres James Marsden arriving at the saloon in hbos westworld. Ill get you a discount. No offense, but id rather earn a womans affection than pay for it. Youre always paying for it, darling. The difference is our cost is fixed and posted right there on the door. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy James Marsden, everybody westworld premiers this sunday at 9 00 p. M. On hbo. Well be right back withstandup from nikki glaser. [ cheers and applause ] tion, you have to brave 8 hours of testing in the 11 most crucial areas of management accounting. Only 50 will pass. Done. So if youre one of them, feel free to brag. Youve earned it. Oh yeah. I want that. Whos next . Im next. After her. After him. The cma certification. Youve got to earn it. You dont put lighter fluid on a gas grill, do you . hes about to set himself on fire. Freaky fast. Bam. . Cant stop loving you . Genius . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is the host of not safe with nikki glaser on comedy central. This weekend, you can see her at the Vermont Comedy Club in burlington, vermont. Everybody please welcome nikki glaser [ cheers and applause ] . . Such an honor to be here. I i just turned 28 in june of 2009. [ applause ] thank you. Thank you. Im 32, not married, no kids. I dont have baby fever yet, um, not jaundice, but like the kind where you, like, want a a baby. I dont have it. Im scared im going to catch it sometimes. Like i was holding a baby and she was like, well, you look Comfortable Holding that baby. [ light laughter ] and i was like, harambe looks more Comfortable Holding a a child than i do. [ laughter and applause ] someone shoot me. [ laughter ] it was so cute, though. And i was scared i was going to look at it and be like, i want a baby. But the more i looked at it just like chilling and drooling, i was just, like, i want to be a baby. Like, that was my feeling. A really great stayathome aunt, you know . Like my sister is pregnant. She doesnt know what shes having. I have a feeling its going to be regret, but [ laughter ] i can tell. The way shes carrying, shes just kind of and no, no, im dying to know the sex she had to conceive it, but she wont tell me. [ laughter ] shes like, its private. Im like, thats why its interesting. But ive been in a relationship now for three and a half years, so were almost done and [ laughter and applause ] thank you. Were going to make it. Thank you. Well get there. Yeah. We live together. We fight a lot. Mostly karate, so its kind of fun. But he does the silent treatment sometimes, and that the silent treatment sounds a lot nicer than it feels. Like it almost sounds like to try the silent treatment today . What is whats that . Well, uh, during your massage, your masseuse will lay next to you on the table with his back to you and take out his phone and start going through it. Just when you think hes asleep, hell start clearing his throat and sighing to himself just to let you know hes still awake but choosing not to talk to you. [ light laughter ] youll try cry yourself to sleep, but you cant because youre on too many antidepressants, so youll take out your on of all the single men just circling your house like sharks, waiting to pick you up. [ cheers and applause ] soothing. Where do you go when hes being like that . I wish there was like an ignored womens shelter. Like, that would be great if i could show up there, like, am i safe here . Theyre like, yes. Im like, what if he finds me . Theyre like, hes not looking for you, okay . Were were going to try an open relationship, just to really drive it into the ground, and i originally brought it up. It was early on in our relationship, we were in bed, i was trying to get things going, you know, just saying things i didnt mean, like, i love your mom, like whatever aroused him. [ light laughter ] and i ended up saying i was just like, i would totally let you be with another girl some day. Thing. I think every girl should tell their guy that, even if you dont mean it, just to see his reaction because my boyfriend reacted the same way that women react when they get proposed to. He started crying. He was like, i have to go call my dad. Im like, okay. Hes planning it on pinterest. I dont know what to do. But [ laughter ] but i honestly dont care. Im like, go do whatever at this point. Because ive always liked a turn on for me and he doesnt have that many of them because hes short so its like, hes so hot, but hes short, and so theyre all theres like four stories, theyre all from middle school when he was the tallest. [ laughter ] and i dont mind a short guy, by the way. Im tall. Im 59 but i like it. Like our first kiss was in his kitchen and i like lifted him up and put him on the counter. I felt alive. [ laughter and applause ] but people have a lot of questions. Theyre like, wait a second, can you hook up with other people . And im like, no, i honestly think he just he would be too jealous to handle that. My boyfriend heard me say that and he was like, why do you think id be jealous . I was like, oh, i just assumed you would be because remember like a year and a half ago when my exboyfriend died and i was crying about it and you got suspicious that that meant i still liked him. See, that told me that i probably shouldnt be with an he was seriously [ applause ] he was like, are you still attracted to him . Im like, i dont know. Ill let you know if its an open casket, ill tell you. I havent seen him in a while. But he doesnt believe me. Hes still checking my ouija board. Im like, im not talking to him, okay . Thank you guys very much. Thank you [ cheers and applause ] jimmy nikki glaser thank you so much. For more on nikki, please visit nikkiglaser. Com. My thanks to nathan lane, James Marsden, Willie Nelson, nikki glaser [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. And the roots right here from philadelphia, pennsylvania. Break a leg, break a leg this weekend. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for joining. Have a great weekend. I hope to see you next week. Byebye, everybody. Wow. Lets go. You know whats ironic about that . You ga do that every day you go