Its friday we deserve it. We deserve this friday in ways we dont often. Now, i hope you had a good week. But i know that you havent because i live here, too. Now, of course, for my jewish friends, good shabbos. To jared and ivanka, happy most awkward sabbath dinner ever. Okay, lets go around the table and Say Something were thankful for this week. Dad, were going to skip you this time. Get you double next time. See and i cant believe i have to say this the president has been taking heat all week for being an apologist for some people attending a neonazi rally. I just want to say, tom arnold, if you have those outtakes of trump saying the n word on the apprentice, maybe release them now before he screams it at the turkey pardoning in november. It could happen. Jon we dont know. It could be coming. Stephen we dont know. laughter speaking of rallies, i just found out today, or yesterday trump tweetannounced to join me at 7 00 p. M. On tuesday, august 22, in phoenix, arizona, at the Phoenix Convention center now, a giant trump rally whipping people up might sound like a bad idea in these emotionallycharged times, but remember, its phoenix, so its a dry hate. Its better. Its better. applause yeah, yeah. Yeah all right. And i think im not sure why hes holding a rally this time. Does it have a purpose . Is he talking about something. I think hes doing it because he needs to be with friends. Because hes lost some this week. Since monday, eight c. E. O. s have resigned from trumps Manufacturing Council, including Denise Morrison applause yeah. Include Denise Morrison of campbells soup. And im being told we have a statement from her spokesperson. No soup for you laughter cheers and applause okay . Yeah. Simple. Simple declarative. That is one nazi we can all get behind. laughter now, morrison had some harsh words for trump on her way out racism and murder are unequivocally reprehensible and are not morally equivalent to anything else that happened in charlottesville. So it has fallen to the soup lady applause the soup lady we got to turn to the soup lady to tell us that murder is bad . Whats next, a passionate condemnation of nazis from the jolly green giant . Ho, ho, ho, youre racist he can say that. He can say that because hes a person of color. laughter its true. Its absolutely true. After the first few c. E. O. S dropped out this week, trump wasnt fazed, tweeting, for every c. E. O. That drops out of the Manufacturing Council, i have many to take their place. Grandstanders should not have gone on. Jobs laughter dont know what that i dont know what that is there at the end. Jon he put it at the end. Stephen i just love how he just tacked that ending on there. Dear tiffany, i wanted to wish you a happy birthday and tell you what a blessing you are in our lives. Jobs laughter but then the trickle of applause they love they love my object work. But then the trickle of resignations became a flood. Along with the c. E. O. Of campbells, trump also lost the support of the president and c. E. O. Of 3m, inge thulin. And because he was from 3m, he was the only c. E. O. To quit via postit note. laughter applause he also applause he also lost aflcio president and travelsize mike ditka, richard trumka. laughter after Trumps Press Conference yesterday, trumka said, we must resign on behalf of americas working people, who reject all notions of legitimacy of these bigoted groups. Its clear that president trumps Manufacturing Council was never a means for delivering real policy that lifts working families, and his remarks today were the last straw. cheers and applause last i mean, good for him. I mean, good for him, but i guess that makes calling mexicans rapists, mocking a disabled reporter, grabbing women by the genitals and banning muslims from entering the country were just some fun straws along the way, like a hayride so, its been a tough week for trumps Manufacturing Council, but trumps not one to be easily dissuaded. When the going gets tough, the tough immediately give up, because trump tweeted rather than putting pressure on the businesspeople of the Manufacturing Council and strategy and policy forum, i am ending both. Thank you all thank you i destroy everything i touch. My kiss is poison jobs cheers and applause whats going on here are some others. In lessapocalyptic news, the sun is going away. laughter on monday, a Solar Eclipse will cross the entire continental United States for the first time in nearly a century. I could not be more excited. I love science, i love astronomy, and i love to see barnyard animals thrown into a complete panic because its 2 00 p. M. And night is falling. laughter applause i go to the petting zoo. Whats going on, goats . Whats going on . Where did sun go . The chickens are freaking out . You know they know something is up. They always have the inside dope. Listen to the crickets were all going to die cheers and applause ill be drinching. I get i get to do that once every century, so im going to put my heart into it. Jon yeah, yeah. Stephe millions of americans will see it because the eclipse will pass right over the middle of the United States right oarve of middle. Just like hillary did during the campaign. Really . Really . Really . Too soon. Jon too soon. Stephen i dont think so. That better be in her book. Now, keep in mind, viewing the eclipse can be very dangerous. The primary risk is what opthamologists call eclipse blindness, or burns on your retinas caused by highintensity, visible light. The radiation literally cooks your eyes. Stephen literally cooks your eyes. You dont want that. So youve got a few options. One, squirt sunscreen in your eyes and hope for the best. Two, give in, enhance the cooking with some olive oil, maybe some garlic salt. Three, some of these these inexpensive cardboard sunglasses were designed specifically to allow you to look at the sun without harming your eyes. Now, when your eyes are in danger of being literally cooked, nothing reassures like the words inexpensive cardboard. laughter applause all right, mr. Jones. Mr. Jones, we have your pacemaker here. Its made of popsicle sticks. Just jam that in your chest and its important to make sure you get ones that actually work because amazon has recalled some potentially hazardous Solar Eclipse glasses. Now, to find out if your glasses you ordered are the good kind, put them on and look at the eclipse. laughter then, if youre blinded, send them back to amazon for a full refund. Anyway, have fun. Stay safe on the eclipse on monday. I dont think theres ever been a more appropriate time for darkness to descend on our country. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Its friday. And friday means midnight confessions. Please join us, wont you. applause introducing the new moto z with moto mods. Hello moto. 321 liftoff gasps oh cheering buy the new moto z with shattershield, and youll get a free projector mod. Hello moto. Hundreds of dollars on youmy car insurance. Saved me huh. I should take a closer look at geico. dog panting geico has a 97 Customer Satisfaction rating and fast and friendly claims service. Speaking of service . Oooo, just out. It was in. Out. In out. In what about now . That was our only shuttlecock. Take a closer look at geico. Great savings. And a whole lot more. Advil liquigels minis. Our first concentrated pill that rushes powerful relief. A small new size thats fast, cause its liquid. Woohoo youll ask, what pain . New advil liquigels minis. Take an extra 20 kohls off your purchase. Sale get the gear. Win the school year. Kids licensed tees are just 6. 40. Boys plaid wovens are 14. 39 and girls varsity tees are only 11. 99. Plus get kohls cash too. Game on. Kohls. Vo jacks got your back. Hits, jack somebody craving my smoky jack burger . Vo the smoky jack burger combo for 4. 99. Vo hickorysmoked bacon, smoked cheddar cheese, vo all on an artisan poppyseed bun. Vo plus fries and a refreshing drink. Vo all for just 4. 99. Man thanks, jack jack youre welcome. Vo the new smoky jack burger combo for just 4. 99. Vo only at jack in the box. band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, jon batiste and stay human, everybody give it up for the band cheers and applause stephen oh, exciting friday. Exciting friday, jon. Exciting friday. You know what friday means . Every friday we do midnight confessions. We will do that in a second. But before we do that i have a confession i need to make to you, the audience, first. I have a new book. Its called i have a new book Stephen Colberts midnight confessions. Its full of confessions. Its all the fun of watching me perform confessions on tv, but now in a portable format that you can bring right into the confessional with you. And you can confess these things. The priest will never know that theyre actually my sins. Spice things up a little bit. Role play. There are some Amazing Things in here. Page after page of these confessions. Its got how many pages is this . This is how many and. And they did not number the pages. 1,000 pages im going to say 1,000 pages of jokes youre losing money if you dont buy this damn thing. Just for kindling. You can preorder it now on colbertlateshow. Com, and it will be available september 5 at placewhere things are sold. Jon yup, yup. Stephen go get it. Now, heres the deal. cheers and applause got that newbook smell. Its got that newbook smell. Heres the thing, even tho im a catholic and im so catholic i make money off it. I dont make it to church as often as i like. Mostly i mis confession. So, if you dont mind, id like to confess to you, my audience. You wont tell anybody, right . Audience of course not stephen great. This is Stephen Colberts midnight confessions cheers and applause laughter standard disclaimer i dont know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. Okay, ill be right back. laughter organ music playing forgive me, audience. Ive never texted a picture of my genitals to a coworker, but i have faxed a picture of my butt rash to dr. Oz. laughter i thought crossfit was a way to get abs like jesus. laughter cheers and applause im not proud of it. Im not proud of it. Audience, audience, i think people at the Grocery Store who say qpon instead of coupon should be forced to pay extra for their tomahto. cheers and applause if im feeling bloated, i park in the handicap zone. laughter i have never been ready for . Poobl. laughter cheers and applause also, i can tell you how to get, how to get to sesame street. But i wont. laughter audience, last week, i went online to buy reading glasses and accidentally signed up for riding classes. laughter applause if i could take one book with me on a desert island, it would be how to escape a desert island, but if i could bring a second book, it would be Stephen Colberts midnight confessions, cheers and applause its available september 5. Makes a great labor day gift. laughter audience, a lot of these confessions are jokes made up by my writers. Except all the ones where i eat frosting. Thats all me, baby. laughter cheers and applause mmm mmm cheers and applause i consider myself a Glass Half Full type of person, as long as its half full of bourbon. Mmmm. cheers and applause mmmm. Whooo daddys optimism burns. Forgive me, audience . Audience we forgive you stephen thanks. Well be right back. applause cameras. Introducing the newly redesigned gla suv. At a price thatll make you feel like youve gotten away with something. The 2018 gla. Lease the gla250 for 359 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. Fortyeight hours of protection. I dont have to reapply this, not once. Its really soft and almost velvety as you put it on. Thats like really soft. Try dove advanced care for softer, smoother underarms. band playing band playing cheers and applause the backstabber Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody i love it thats fantastic thank you, jon. Please, have a seat, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is the shortest tenured Communications Director in white house history. Please welcome anthony scaramucci. Anthony, come on up. audience cheers and applause band playing booing . Ill pretend those are mooches and not boos, stephen. Stephen thanks for being here. Its great to be here . Is it . I took a list of all your comedy writers my kill list. Stephen i wrote them all down. Stephen youre comedically threatening to kill people who work for me . Im not allowed to joke anymore. Ive learned that. laughter stephen listen, i just want to start no, you dont get to stop my show. I stop my show. cheers and applause heres the thing i want you to know just for the record, this is on the record. This is being recorded right now. Thank you. Stephen thats a microphone youre wearing right now, okay . So i said no gotcha questions, i promised you no gotcha questions. But im leading with one. It wont be the first one. Stephen nazis, good or bad . Super bad, we know that, super bad. Stephen why do you think the president of the United States, who you called the most media savvy person of our times, would shank a softball like that so hard when he should have just come out there and condemned the people who were there to start violence . Well, i think theres a couple of issues there. He said the all sides thing stephen many sides. Many sides. He should have been way harsher on that. I said that. Upon upon stephen how . He should have condemned White Supremacism and neonazis. I dont want to blame or point fingers at the president. Stephen hes responsible. But youre asking about someone else. cheers and applause hold on a second. You were asking about someone else in the administration. Stephen okay. But i think listen, it was late. Im not going to say that it wasnt. But he did go to the white house today, and he did make a statement, which you just said. It was very declarative against it. Stephen the president had prepared remarks on saturday. Yeah. Stephen and prepared remarks today. Today he stuck to the script. Saturday he went off script with his many sides, many sides. That was an ad lib, in the moment. Which one of them do you think he meant . The one thats written down, or the one he just comes up with in the moment. You guys have been super rough on me and super rough on him but he is a compassionate person. I know him as a compassionate person. Thats my opinion. Stephen dont boo him for being the messenger. But in what way is he a compassionate person . What is the evidence that . Listen, i mean, its a super tough job. He made a step to give up which was a luxurious lifestyle and stephen who cares . Really . Were supposed to feel bad for a guy because he gave up his billiondollar lifestyle to be the most powerful man in the world . I dont understand. By the way, that was touch and go. That was touch and go. Stephen what was touch and go . It was stephen what was touch and go . I think when he started his campaign, i think it was unclear whether he was going to win or not. I mean at the end of the day stephen thats it for everybody. Everybody is unclear. I understand that, but, stephen, its a huge sacrifice to do this stuff. You may not agree with me on that. Stephen it is a huge sacrifice but one of the things you dont get to do is complain about it. But i havent heard him complain about it. Stephen he has. He said its a very hard job. He said, i could have had my previous lifestyle. But thats him wearing his heart on his sleeve. Thats him expressing himself. I mean, thats his i think, you know, president obama, Michelle Obama also expressed that, you know, its a fish bowl. Its a difficult job. Stephen sure. I think president bush sailed the same thing. Stephen sure. Its not like its not a difficult job. Being the Communications Director is a difficult job. Stephen my original question and then well move on, but my original question youre a guy you said freethrows with a top coat. Saying that, you know, condemning White Supremacists and neonazis is a oneinch putt. Why do you think he choked . Again, i think theres a its almost a counterintuitive thing with him. The media expects him to do something and he sometimes does the exact opposite. Stephen wait, just to thumb his nose at them. Wait a second, youre saying he does something to do the opposite of what is expected. Some of that worked during the campaign. Stephen the campaign is over. Now hes the president. I understand that, but hes also hes also out there going out to see his base. Hes flown to west virginia, youngstown, ohio, and other place glz but his base isnt nazis. Are you saying his base is nazis. No. Stephen im not saying that, either. He did condemn the nazis today. Stephen two days later. Did he order his spine on amazon prime . Why did it take so long . Thats a good line. cheers and applause and i said yesterday that he should have been tougher on it. You know, the problem sim probably the only person that would come from the Trump Administration or formerly from the Trump Administration and sit here. Stephen im grateful youre here. I dont know if hes going to come here and answer that question for you, but only he can answer that question. I said yesterday and i maintained that hes got to be tougher on that stuff if he wants his legislation agenda to pass. He has to move in a more moderate direction. He has to appeal to people that are independents and moderates that possibly voted for him, to help him ascend to the presidency. Stephen whats it like inside the white house . Because small. Stephen small . Ive been in the building. What i mean is laughter what is it like . From the outside it looks like a dumpster fire. laughter what is it like i mean, you also you get you have rumors of infighting. You have rumors of infighting. There are rumors of infighting, and that theres chaos in there. What was it like for the 10 days you were in there . Did you get a sense of the chaos. Listen, i mean, its a tough place. There was a lot of infighting. You know, the froantstabber was backstabbing i think you said that two weeks ago. Stephen yeah. I have a tendency to be very open and very honest with people. What ends up happening there, though, is people dont do that. What they do is go behind each others backs and leak things to the press and say nasty things about each other to try to destabilize them or innocence the president s judgment. I was pretty open what i felt about people. laughter i would tell you very open. And i would tell you the way a good culture works i have run two reasonably successful organizations you have to have some level of esprit de corps, and it didnt start that way. Stephen whats going on in this photo . Thats a rough photo. Stephen this photo. There you are this is you over here holding your thumbs in your belt leak a gunslinger. And this is reince priebus. What is going on . Were you brought in just to get rid of him . Mmm, i dont want to say that. Stephen and sean spicer . I dont want to say it that way. Stephen was it part of your job . Ah, i would say stephen say it like the mooch. Say it like the mooch. laughter applause audience mooch stephen give me some mooch. Give me some mooch here. The mooch of long island would say theres no love lost there, obviously. Look at the picture. Theres no love lost there. That was caught by a wall street journal photographer before the president did which was a great interview with the wall street journal. We were pretty good friend when i was a political donor writing checks for the r. N. C. But once i became part of the administration or was about to enter the administration, for whatever reason, it was a little more adversarial. Stephen now, you thought he was one of the leakers. I did. Stephen okay. Hes gone, right . Whos leaking now . Is it steve bannon . Well, ive said that. I mean stephen im just saying saying sai it to these people. Ive been pretty open about that. Stephen is steve bannon a leaker . Obviously he was. He got caught on tape saying he was. So i have no problem saying that. Stephen is he going to be gone in a week . Thats up to the president. Stephen what do you think . What does the mooch thing . If it was up to me, he would be gone, but its not up to me. Stephen you said hes trying to suck his own bleep . Okay. Are you allowed to say that. Stephen yeah, yeah, its cool. They said its cool. They said i can say it tonight. Mom, im sorry, i said that. It got picked up on a recorded line. Stephen i said sock. I said sock. Thats what is behind the bleep. He did autograph one of those cartoons for you so im bringing that home. Stephen heres the deal are you telling us that you never even tried . laughter applause because as a as an adult male eddie Murphy Stephen as an adult male hold on a sec. Stephen it does not pass the smell test. Eddie murphy said if he could do that, he would never leave the house. He said that. Im not capable of doing it. Stephen im not saying capable. Nobody said you succeeded. Hes probably not capable of doing it, either. Maybe he was doing hot yoga in there. I dont know. Stephen what would you do differently if you could go back . I have thought about that and i say absolutely nothing. Im going to tell you why. Because what you dont want to do is you dont want to morph yourself or change yourself. You just want to be yourself. And if the good lord put you in a direction or a stream or its going the right way, great things will happen. And if it doesnt happen, im totally okay with it. Im totally cool with it. This guy has been hitting me for three straight weeks and im sitting here. Its fine. At the end of the day, you have to accept what your fate is, and you have to do it without any bitterness and you have to stay humble. Stephen thank you for being here. Its a great honor. Stephen would you recommend to other exmembers of the Trump Administration to come on the show . Was this a nice enough experience for you . I think its been great. I would recommend it to the president. cheers and applause . I understand you have something for me. I got gifts for stephen, okay. Stephen can we get a shot of this. Let the man explain. He was stephen let the man explain. Hold on. Let the man explain. Listen, after he hit me so hard for three weeks, he thought he was going to hit me with that. Thats why its in the hermetically sealed case. Stephen thats lovely. Anthony scaramucci, everybody. Well be right back. From at t you can get unlimited data and live tv. The channels you love. Your favorite shows and movies. Making your iphone into more of a. Oh my tv is ringing. Hey. Im in the middle of a. A second iphone from at t . Okay right now when you buy a new iphone 7 from at t youll get a second iphone 7 on us. And power both with unlimited data and live tv. I am totally blind. And for years ive struggled with non24, a circadian rhythm disorder that can turn my sleep cycles upside down. It kept me from doing the things i truly love to do. Sometimes id show up early; sometimes i was too late. And sometimes, even though i was there. I didnt really feel. There. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442342424 to learn more. Heineken is served its world famous. Like me. Come here. Look it happens all the time. Antonio banderas its Antonio Banderas from the movies. Enjoyed in 192 countries. Theres more behind the star. applause stephen beethoven. Jon mozart. Stephen that was mozart on meth. Folks, my next guest is the scenestealing breakout star of girls trip, and is one of varietys 10 comics to watch for 2017. Please welcome Tiffany Haddish. applause stephen wow wow. Amazing. I was going to try to dance this out. Stephen no, that was perfect. Daniel craig did the same thing when he came out here. laughter well, im not surprised youre dancing. You should be very excited. What a summer. It has been a really awesome summer. Stephen youre the breakout star of girls trip. Like i got out of jail or something. Stephen and you got your first comedy special coming up on. Friday, the 18th. Stephen friday, 18th. Of august. Stephen on . Showtime. You didnt know that . Stephen it says showtime. Rb r i want you to be able to say it. You wanted me to say it. I wanted you to say it like youre my spokesperson. Stephen you have a comedy special coming up on the 18th on showtime. I do. Its called, Tiffany Haddish. She ready from the hood to hollywood. applause yes, yes. Stephen you also were in a jayz music video. Can i show the people . Whats going on here we did a reenactment of friends. And any chance i get to play a white woman, i am there, you know. Stephen who are you . Which one are you here . Im phoebe. Im phoebe on there. See, im a white woman on paper. Ive been a white woman for the last, like, five, 10 years now. Stephen wait, hold on a second. Because im white in almost every way. What do you mean white on paper . Thats beyond me. Seven years ago, the census came around, and they showed up to my house, and they asked me what my nationality was because they were counting to see how many black people were in the neighborhood. And i was like, what do you mean . Im american. He was like, no, whats your race . I said, so are we doing that today, bringing racism right to my front door on this day . What are you, color blind . And he said, yes. And i said, this is my chance. And i had a whole conversation, like girl this is your chance. What do you mean this is your chance . Obama said its time for change. You can be whatever you want to be today. And i said, youre right. I can be whatever i want to be. And i looked at him and said, im carcasian because i got a car, and i know a lot of asians. So i just put that together, and i told him i was caucasian. And he said okay and checked the white box, and it has been fantastic. Stephen okay, he checked the box on the census thing. Yeah. Stephen how has that affected your life, though . Oh, my goodness, a few days later, my credit score went up by 300 points. laughter applause i got i got a black card. I got a mexican housekeeper now. Life has been really awesome ive been booking all these tv roles because of affirmative action. They need white women to play black women. So thats me stephen congratulations. Many comedians have to struggle. They talk about the struggle they had when theyre starting off. Right. Stephen you had an extraordinary level of struggle. You understand how long ago were you doing gigs homeless . Yeah, i was living in my geo metro, twodoor hatchback, killin the game. Stephen how long are we talking . This was, like, 2004, and 2003. I was very homeless, and i was the type of chick they didnt want anybody like, im very prideful. So i didnt want anybody to know i was homeless, so i kept my nails done and my hair done, and had my suitcases in the car. And i would cover them up with and one day i drove in front of the comedy club. I was at the laugh factory. And kiffen blankets. Hart was there, and he was like, yo, tiff, what is with all this stuff in your car . Do you live in there or something . I said, im between houses. Leave me alone. He was like, where are you sleeping . I said, beverly hills. I park on the streets on beverly hills. He said, youre sleeping in your car . Youre a beautiful woman. You could be with any man. I said, look, i sleep with people to heal them, not for applause roof over my head. Because i got magical powers. This is this is, you know, where life comes from. It heals. And so, he had a long conversation with me. He had a long conversation with me stephen i think i have a Tiffany Haddish problem now. Wow, youre amazing. You need a healing . You need a healing . Stephen no, im good. Im all healed. Youre amazing. Please, go on. So he we had a conversation and he said, tiffany, you shouldnt be sleeping in your car. Here is 300. Get yourself a hotel room for a week. I was like, for a week in los angeles . Duuh, not going to happen. But he gave me the money and said, make a list. Make a list of goals of what you what do you want from your life. Want for your life. Make a list, and when youre sitting in that room, figure out how to tackle that list. I got me a room at the snooty fox. It was by the hour, and i got myself three hours worth of room. I took a shower and started writing out my list. And i wrote, i want to get my own place one day, work with jada pinkett smith, and sit across from you one day and you googly eye me like yaaaaaaaaas. cheers and applause i also wrote on that list i also wrote that yes i also wrote that, you know, brad pitt would start asking me to dinner all the time, so much where im like, look, brad, im busy, i cant. Stephen hes free now. Hes free now. I know, i know he was free then, and now hes free now. Well, he was in a mix anyway. laughter also, also, i wrote on there that i want to get pregnant by leonardo dicaprio. Stephen uhhuh. And ill have my a big, old house, and that i get my own two streets. Rsh i want my own two streets, like, that intersect, one called tiffany and one called haddish. And ill start Youth Centers and people will be like, where you learn how to do that . I learned that on tiffany and haddish. Stephen thats beautiful. Congratulations. What a joy just to sit next to you. Well, you know, its even more of a joy if you get to know me better. cheers and applause stephen please read the name of your special. Its called she ready from the hood to hollywood its on showtime on friday, starring Tiffany Haddish. Its on showtime on friday, starring Tiffany Haddish. Everybody, well be right back. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. When youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. Had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. 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More reasons why tmobile is americas best unlimited network. applause . Stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. It well this has been a week few of us will ever forget, which is odd because ive been drinching my. But weve had a great time with these horrible times. So lets take a fond look back at the best of this weeks late show. Can we ask you some more questions . It doesnt bother me at all but i like real news, not fake news. Youre fake news. Stephen sir, you see how fast you condemn cnn right off the top of your head with no script. Next time like that, but with nazis. cheers and applause and we all salute the same great flag. Stephen no, we dont. I have seen their flags. They cant even agree which one theyre going to salute. cheers and applause okay . Dont mix us up. Happy belated kkkondennation. Y i cannot believe we did not see you condemn them sooner. This is the easiest thing for a president to do is to denounce theres not a Sports Metaphor to capture how easy this is. laughter because stephen its teeing off from inside the cup. laughter . Take a look, the night before, they were there to protest the taking down of the statue of robert e. Lee. Not all of those people were White Supremacists by any stretch. Stephen lets take a look at the night before. Just your average civicminded torchwielding mob, probably holding the torches so everyone could see them point out all the good people there. Theres one theres one over there theres a good guy. Look at that guy right there hes a good one hey i think theres blame on both sides, and i have no doubt about it, and you dont have any doubt about it, either. Wow. I did not expect that. I wonder if he understands what we do. This is chloe. Chloe is extremely well trained and never barks at squirrels. Unless those squirrels have ties to alt right hate groups. Thats right. applause yup. This week its robert e. Lee. I notice that Stonewall Jackson is coming down. I wonder is it George Washington next week . And is it Thomas Jefferson the week after . You really do have to ask yourself where does it stop . Stephen okay, self, where does it stop . Im going to say it stops at the people who tried to destroy the country that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson founded. Daniel craig we could use some good news here. Daniel craig, will you return as james bond . Yes. cheers and applause stephen thanks so much. Daniel craig, everybody. I noticed your ears. Youve got weird ears. One of the things that happens no, the reason i brought it up, look at my ear. That got bit off with a fight. Stephen whats with your ear again . Whap to your ear . A little street altercation. I can say, that i was winning stephen how does the street fight start Michael Rapaport . This happened in 1989. Stephen how old were you in 1989 . What are you calling me old, steve. Stephen im asking how old you were in 1989. I was 19. I was 19. You think im older than i look. Thats messed up, man stephen its your. Ear that makes you look old. Im sorry. cheers and applause . Stephen well be right back. My name is jamir dixon and im a locate and Mark Fieldman for pg e. Most people in the community recognize the blue trucks as pg e. My truck is something new. Its an 811 truck. When you call 811, i come out to your house and i mark out our gas lines and our electric lines to make sure that you dont hit them when youre digging. 811 is a free service. Im passionate about it because every time i go on the street i think about my own kids. Theyre the reason that i want to protect our community and our environment, and if me driving a that truck means that somebody gets to go home safer, then ill drive it every day of the week. Together, were building a better california. Dennys your house. Rries and cream pancakes are in the house. With new dennys online ordering, get whatever you want, whenever you want, now wherever you want. Order at dennys. Com stephen hey, thats it for the late show everybody. Please, ebb joy the eclipse responsibly. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from slovenia, give it up for your host, the one, the only james corden cheers and applause
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