Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes senator al franken. Adam conover. And a musical guest randy newman. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen thank you very much. Whats up . Thank you so much. Please, everybody, sit down. Lovely. Lovely folks. Sit down thank you. Lovely. Listen, in here, out there, all around the world, welcome, welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause youre very nice. Well, for donald trump audience boo stephen youve got to pace temperatures. For donald trump its been a rough couple of. His entire presidency. The chaos coming out of the white house is just coming at you so fast. Its hard to keep track of it. What happened today. Two weeks ago, i had never heard of anthony scaramucci. laughter now, ive got to make an appointment to have the tattoo lasered off. laughter never mind where im gesturing. Never never mind. But come with me now into the past. Try to remember what we were talking about last month. Theres this place called russia, and during the president ial campaign, the president s son and guy explaining why he does not tip, donald trump, jr. , took a secret meeting with a whole bunch of russians who all seemed to have connections to kremlin intelligence. And when this came out kind of shady stuff don runner released a statement saying he didnt know who he was meeting with and they mostly talked about adoption. Those were lies. Including the lie that he said it. Because last night we found out that President Trump dictated his sons misleading statement. Audience oooo stephen yeah, he dictated it. Its official donald trump is a dictator. Technically, technically, technically, technically correct. Plus, that is so weak. You can imagine, don jr. Intets goetz in trouble, he literally got his daddy to write a note for him. as trump please excuse don jr. From prison. laughter hes a good 39yearold kid. laughter reportedly reportedly reportedly, when the russian meeting was revealed, the president gathered his advisers, who thought don jr. Should release a statement, one that they wanted to be truthful. Yes. They wanted it to be truthful. Which is great. So they can just plead, wed prefer to be innocent. But the president ignored his advisors and instead dictated a statement that was clearly a coverup to hide their eagerness to collude with the russian. Now, this looks bad and is bad. But according to his advisors, trump believes he is innocent and, therefore dnot think he is at any legal risk. And everyone knows you cant be convicted if youre not guilty in your mind. cheers and applause your honor, your honor, please, if it please the court, i already ran the whole law order episode in my head. And i have a tearful breakdown on the stand where i confess im innocent. Sam waterson, beautiful performance. And as bad as this looks for trump, it looks even worse for trumps lawyer and neighbor you swear had a wife a month ago, jay sekulow. Because right after don jr. Released his statement, jay went on tv to make one thing cleared the president was not involved in the drafting of the statement and did not issue the statement. It came from donald trump, jr. This is a 39yearold son whos running the Trump Corporation and the trump organization, so he doesnt need to be looked over the shoulder by his father. Stephen yes, trump would never stand over his sons shoulder. Hes stand in front of him, yelling, clam up and write what i say or were all headed to the hooskow laughter now, asked about this report asked about this report at todays televised press briefing. White House Press Secretary and Elementary School teacher who cries in the art supply closet, Sarah Huckabee sanders, defended the president the statement that don jr. Issued is true. There is no inaccuracy in the statement. Stephen okay. Hold it right there. Not inaccurate and true not the same thing. Its possible to withhold vital information. Hi, you know that smoke youre smelling . I just wanted you to know that your house is on. Huckasanders added that the president had a wholesome reason for sticking his finger in this poop pie. The president weighed in, as any father would, based on the limited information that he had. He weighed in like any father would do. Stephen yes, like one any father would do. Its just one of those fatherandson things playing catch, going fishing, preventing your son from implicating you in treason. Father and son. You dont want to miss those special moments. singing oh, the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. There were also russians in the cradle, too. Three or four russians, it was a long time ago. Just tell them i did not collude, dad, tell them i did not collude. cheers and applause thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. It gets me chocked up. It gets me chocked up, you know. It gets me choked up. And as i hung up the phone it occurred to me hed really grown up just like me. applause snow, stop, stop. , of course, all of this happened in the old trump white house. Things are completely different since president appointed new chief of staff and disappointed oak tree, general john kelly. Rumor is kelly got the job after he stood up to trump, when raised voices could be heard through the thick door to the oval office. It was seen as an early indication that kelly was not afraid to stand up to his commander in chief. No surprise. Trump respects people who dont suck up to him, starting yesterday. laughter and kelly wasted no time, he did not waste a minute, draining all the fun out of the administration by immediately firing White House Communications director and ma audience oooh stephen and man demonstrating his trademark doubleass pat, anthony scaramucci. cheers and applause you gotta let him go were going to miss you, mooch. General kelly, if were good, can we have mooch back at the end of the semester . Well feed him and wash him and take care of him and everything. He can sleep at the foot of my bed. But the mooch took his dismissal in stride because after being fired, scaramucci ate at trumps hotel. Wow ouch i cant believe the mooch had to eat trumps crap twice in one day. cheers and applause and kellys got his work cut out for him instilling discipline. At the white house. Yesterday, trump soninlaw and man wondering how your child got into that school, Jared Kushner, held an informal meeting with congressional interns, and what he told the interns immediately has beened, including why he thinks these trump russia allegations are ridiculous, saying, they thought we colluded but we couldnt even collude with our local offices. Adding, i dont know anything. I spent the whole campaign with my head stuck in a bucket. And to add insult to idiocy, we just learned a prankster tricked white house officials into replying to his emails. Oh, yeah, yeah. He tricked them. He must used some tricky subject line like confidential and criminal dirt on hillary. Russia colludeapalooza close enough. Were guessing. We have no proof. cheers and applause were getting. The First Official to get duped was Homeland Security adviser and sentient coatrack, tom bossert. Bossert received an email from who he thought was Jared Kushner inviting him to a party and he replied thanks, jared. With a promise like that, i cant refuse. Also, if you ever need it, my personal email is, and then he gave it to them. Oh, whats this . An email from definitely jared notfakeemail. Com . I better give him my personal email address, and, so he knows its me, ill send along my credit card number, my Social Security, mothers maiden name, my first dog, the house i grew up in, and you know what . Im going to trace my apartment key. And this is extra embarrassing because bossert is in charge of cyber security. Audience oooh stephen okay, but how could he have known this was a suspicious email . By reading the subject line, which said, suspected spam. Could have been anything. Maybe he thought it was an evite to see sean spicers heavy metal band, suspected spam. cheers and applause , of course, hes doing well. He looks good. Sean looks good. Jon looking good stephen he looks more rested with the eye shadow. Of course, bossert wasnt alone. Anthony scaramucci also fell for the scam. In fact, the only person who finally caught on was eric trump. Yes, eric was immediately suspicious when someone in the administration tried to talk to him. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Senator al franken is here. Stick around. Im afraid its bad for my teeth. Try crest 3d white. Crest 3d White Diamond strong toothpaste and rinse. Gently whiten. And fortify weak spots. Use together for two times stronger enamel. Crest 3d white. Mawhen it comes to helping. Her daughter, shopping for groceries, unclogging the sink, setting up dentist appointments and planning birthday parties, nobody does it better. Shes also in a rock band. Look at her shred. But when it comes to mortgages, shes less confident. Fortunately for maria, theres Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Its simple, so she can understand the details and be sure shes getting the right mortgage. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. Its my dale call. [engine revving sounds] if youre on a diet of taking it up a notch. Thats way better than my duck call. Drink diet dew. The only diet with dew in it. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human. Give it up for that band sitting right there, right there. cheers and applause upon folks, i just want to remind you, jon, and remind everybody out there, please join us tomorrow night because we have the great Dave Chappelle joining us tomorrow night for two acts. Two acts tomorrow night. Hes got a residency hes doing a residency at radio city tonight is his first night at radio city, right . Hes doing 16 days in august. Go get tickets if there are any left. I dont know. Go and get them anyway if they arent there. Im also excited about tonights guest. I have known him for a long time but never in this role. My first guest is the only person to have played a u. S. Senator on saturday night live and then become one in real life. laughter cheers and applause please welcome the gentleman from minnesota, senator al franken cheers and applause theyre playing my song moving my hips like yeah got my hands up theyre playing my song and i know im going to be okay cheers thank you thank you. Nice welcome. Stephen nice to see you again. Great to see you. Stephen we first met when you were a comedian. Yes, yes. I used to do kind of what you do a little bit. Stephen comedy, variety. Yes. And satire. Stephen you did the original indecisions at comedy central, 92 and 96. Wow, its in the book. Its in my book. applause now what youre doing here is so important and now. cheers and applause stephen well, for many years for many years, i did work at important central. Yeah. laughter you know, i just dont want you for a moment, now that im a senator, i dont want you for a moment to think that what you do here every night is any less important than what i do, even though it is less important. laughter . Stephen but you dont want me to think it. You dont want me to think that. Thats very kind. Thats super generous of you. Thats so big of you. Now lets talk about what you what you guys do over do or dont do over at the senate. Yeah, theres a lot of dont doing. Stephen theres a lot of dont do. And sometimes stephen yes. Sometimes the dont doing is good. cheers and applause . Stephen okay, lets talk about lets talk about the most recent didnt do that didnt get done, which was passing the skinny repeal, which was the lastditch effort of the Senate Republicans to just create anything that they could go into Conference Committee with the house to hammer out a repeal for obamacare. Exactly right. They had they, you know, had sevenplus years to come up with a repealandreplace, and everything they came up with was terrible. laughter . Stephen did they actually come up with anything or was it really like cramming at the last minute. Like, oh, bleep . We told them we had something. Everybody start typing. Do you realize what you said . Anyway, im a senator and i cant hear word like that, like what you said. Stephen stay away from scaramucci. laughter cheers and applause so, so fleeting. So fleeting that he comes, what a gift. Hes leak a flower that opens and the first ray of sunshine just shrivels on the vine. Yeah, it was it was sad. laughter stephen so im sorry. So there we are. No, no, no, everything they came up with, every piece of legislation was terrible. Millions of people tens of millions of people would lose their insurance. And insurance would be more expensive. And the American People this, you know, obviously senator mccain, senator collins, senator murkowski were. cheers and applause heroes in but the credit really goes to the American People who showed up at town halls and who made their voices heard. I im cochair of the rural applause im cochair of the rural health caucus. And i go to rural hospitals and clinics and nursing homes, and people in rural minnesota hated this thing. I had a woman cry at a hospital in pern, minnesota. This is a round table, and she said that her mom gets her Home Health Care that allows her to stay in her home from medicaid. She would lose that, and she and her husband both work, and she was crying. And about what the republicans were proposing. So the American People stood up and so they deserve this victory. And what i hope we do is work in a bipartisan way to shore up the exchanges and the weaknesses and the Affordable Care act stephen do you think thats going to happen . I think it will. Stephen bipartisan whats the biggest bipartisan thing thats happened . Well, me in my time in the senate have done many bipartisan things. Stephen okay. On education and other things. And i like working with my republican colleagues, and i hope that we get to the hep committee its health, education, and Pension Committee and they work with us together, and their colleagues on the other side who i think will jump at working in the short term getting these exchanges. Weve also got to get pharmaceutical costs down. I have a very comprehensive bill that contains the ideas of a lot of senators to bring down the costs of pharmaceuticals, and we need to do that applause stephen can you explain to us weve seen some of the pictures and some of the footage, so its hard to hear whats going were you there when mccain gave the thumbs down . Yes. Stephen what was that moment like . Did everyone know that was going to happen. You heard audible gasps in the room. I suspected it would but i didnt know for sure. Pence had left the room applause . Stephen he didnt want to be at the scene of the murder. The last vote he was there for the entire vote. And he had left the room. So that told me that that he was going to vote no. So what was interesting there was there was applause, and partly from the gallery. I was looking at senator mccain. And i think partly from staff. And Chuck Schumer just went. laughter and everyone stopped because we didnt we didnt want to gloat. And we shouldnt gloat. This is serious, serious stuff. Stephen well, talking about serious stuff applause you as i said, when i first met you, oh, i dont know 15, 16 years ago, i was at a roast, a chevy chase roast. Oh, yeah. Stephen and you wrote yes. Stephen you write in your books the lies and the lying liars who tell them. Rush limbaugh say big fat idiot. Stuff like that. You made a lot of funue poked a lot of fun at politicians in washington, d. C. Now that youre one of them right. Stephen do you think that you were being unfair . No. Stephen to them. No. Stephen no. No. Stephen because you wonder sometimes plawz you you do this work every day and you go, are they real as venal as they look . I make fun if you look at it, go back, i make fun of the people who deserved it. Newt gingrich. I made fun of rush limbaugh, bill oreilly at fox, lying liars stephen who is that . He used to be at fox news. Stephen i have no memory. laughter . Exwaw, he and fox sued me. And it was just a misunderstanding. Stephen okay. Bill oreilly didnt understand that satire is protected speech in the united states, even if the object of the satire doesnt get it. laughter applause cheers stephen thank god there was a misunderstanding. Stephen thank god. Good to know. We have to take a little break right here. Well be right back with more senator al franken, everybody. Theyre playing my song as the butterflies fly away im nodding wheres gary . saved money on motorcycle insurance with geico. Goin up the country. Later, gary i have a motorcycle wonderful. Im goin up the country, baby dont you wanna go . Im goin up the country, baby dont you wanna go . Geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. Whats going on here . Um. Im babysitting. Thatll be 50 bucks. You said 30. Yeah, well it was 30 before my fees, like the pizzaordering fee and the dogsitting fee. And the rummage through your closet fee. Are those my heels . Yeah yeah, were the same size. In shoes. With tmobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just 40 bucks each. For a limited time save 300 dollars on the amazing iphone 7. When we say study you say haul study haul study haul when we say study you say haul study haul study haul everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. And i am a senior Public Safety my namspecialist for pg e. My job is to help educate our First Responders on how to deal with natural gas and electric emergencies. Everyday when we go to work we want everyone to work safely and come home safely. I live right here in auburn, i absolutely love this community. Once i moved here i didnt want to live anywhere else. I love that people in this community are willing to come together to make a difference for other peoples lives. Together, were building a better california. applause stephen friends, friends, were here with senator al franken. Junior senator or senior senator . Junior. Stephen al has a new book. It is called al franken, giant of the senate. Its beautiful. Is this your official portrait . That is, that is. laughter its an oil painting. And stephen okay. It hangs. In the senate. laughter stephen just in the senate. Just in the senate. In my office. Stephen in your office. Okay, as we were talking about the, before the break. The bulk of your career you have been a comedian, a satirist. Are the people in the senate fun . Are they funny people . Because it seems like theyre a boring thunderdome. No. Actually, a lot of my colleagues are funny, and thats how i bond with them. From your state, okay, i get sworn in. I was sworn in a little late because my election was very close. Is and jim demint, a very, very conservative republican, a couple of minutes after i was sworn in sayses, how are things on the far left . And i said, nine, how are things from the nut case right . Lindsey graham is very funny. Remember when he was running 15 out of 17 in the republican stephen i think he was 17 out of 15. laughter so i went up to him in the senate, and i said to him, you know, lindsey, if i were voting in the republican primaries, id vote for you. And without hesitation he said, thats my problem. laughter lindsay is very funny. But we applause there are some senators who arent very funny. And tom coburn from oklahoma, known as dr. No because stephen he is a physician. Yes he is an obstetrician gynecologist, and no because he didnt like any federal spending, so he would say no to everything. He will admit that he is not a very good sense of humor. The first three or four interactions we had, we just kind of missed. So i went to tom and i said, tom, i can take you to lunch . And he said, tell you what. You can take me to breakfast. I said okay. So we meet for breakfast a couple of daysularity in the Senate Dining room, and i said, tom, lets just have fun. And he said, okay, fun. laughter and i said, we can talk about our families. Talk about politics. Talk about the careers we had before the senate. But lets have fun. He goes, okay. I said, okay, let me ask you this. To be a doctor in oklahoma, do you have to have any formal education . laughter and he and he said, yes youve got to go to medical school laughter applause and i said i said, okay, tom, that was a joke. laughter and thats what i used to do in my career. And then for the rest of the breakfast we had a really great time. I explained to him what jeek jokes were. laughter buwhat the proper reaction to a joke is. And i got a note later from him that day saying, i had a lot of fun. Stephen thats nice. And when i was writing the book al franken, giant of the senate. When i was writing that, i wanted to get permission from my colleagues who i wrote anything that could be interpreted as negative. I called him up, hes in retirement. Hes in oklahoma. I said, tom hi, al. I said, do you remember that breakfast we had . And he said, yeah, yeah. And i said, i want to use that in the book and i wanted to get your permission. And he said, we have the first amendment. You can write anything you want applause so he hasnt he hasnt changed. Stephen no. You could have said, we also have a Second Amendment and i know youve got guns. He was a strong supporter of the right for americans to bear arms. He is. Stephen now, you said, you wrote in the book al franken, giant of the senate. You say in the book youve learned weird, sociopathic political skills. What do you mean . What is the weirdest political skill youve had to learn . Pivoting. Stephen pivoting. Pivoting. Pivoting is not answering a question. And just pivoting. Stephen pivoting is a way of pivoting off, im not answering your question. Or id be asked, youre 10 points down in the polls to norm coleman. How are you going to convince democrats to nominate . And id go like, you know, when i go around minnesota, minnesotans dont care about polling. What they care about is health care and their kids education. Thats pivoting. Stephen and you were not good at that . I was not good at that. I was taught to answer questions, and it took me forever to learn how to pivot. Stephen can you do it now . Im okay at it. Stephen can i ask you a few questions and you pivot off of them. Okay, okay. Stephen tell you what. No matter what, its al franken giant of the senate, no matter what i ask you stay on message and promote your book. If north korea continues to advance its missile program, senator franken, should we take military action . You know, in my book, stephen, i write a lot about the importance of levelheaded leadership. Which is why im terrified of trump. cheers and applause stephen senator franken, do you plan to run for president in 2020 . cheers and applause you know, in my book, stephen, al franken, giant of the senate, laughter i talk about the importance of levelheaded leadership. cheers and applause stephen you win. You win. Thank you, thank you. Stephen al franken, giant of the senate, is available now. Al franken, everybody. The ford summer sales event is in full swing. Ill jump out and guide you back. Easy, son. This is gonna blow your mind. Whoa. Awesome. That is really cool. Take on summer right with ford, americas bestselling brand. Now with summers hottest offer on ford f150. Get zero percent for sixty months plus an additional thousand on top of your tradein. Thats the built ford tough f150 with zero percent for sixty months plus an additional thousand on top of your tradein offer ends soon during the ford summer sales event. Hi. Can you tell me about these i keep hearing about . Sure, just sign up online. Then well alert you if we find your Social Security number on any one of thousands of risky websites. Wow. Thats cool. How much is it . Oh, its free if you have a discover card. I like free yeah, we just want you to be in the know. Ooh. Hey sushi. Ugh. I smell it youre making me. Yeah, being in the know is a good thing. Know if your Social Security number is found on risky sites. Free from discover. First you start with this. These guys. A place like shhh no. Found it and definitely lipton ice tea. Lots of it. A lipton meal is what you bring to it. And the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. applause stephen hey, everybody. My next guest is a comedian who professionally ruins things on adam ruins everything. Please welcome adam conover applause come on up here stephen nice to have you back. Thank you so much for having me back. Stephen youre always so fresh faced and natily dressed. I do my best. Its all tv magic. Theres a whole team. I gotta be honest. Thats what i dough. Stephen you call yourself an investigative comedian who ruins things by revealing facts behind common beliefs. When you were here in october before the election, you tried to youi ruein the election by sg its not the craziest election that america has ever had. Yeah. Stephen would you like to amend that statement in any way . The one historical precedent that trump broke was that he won. Stephen a candidate like him normally doesnt win. George wallace, who he has similarities to. George wallace didnt win. Trump did in. Now were in i couldnt do another show about how there are historical precedents for trump because its clearly historically unprecedented. Stephen he has ruined ruining everybody. An investigative comedian, how does one become that . How did you become that person . I have always been an information sponge in my life. I dont listen to music in my car. I listen to podcasts. Im just that type of im always collecting facts. I always did interrupt people in parties when say, other, oh, youre taking antibiotics. I did that in my life and it was very annoying. Stephen wow, wow, fun guest, at a party. Well, youre starting to see how i transformed it into a comedy character for my ego. Stephen did you tour around the country . No, honestly, i went i was doing i quit doing open mics, standup comedy open mics if you have ever been to open mics, theyre terrible. I was a struggling comic and i started putting facts in my act to get people to pay attention. Stephen you went from struggling to gain flee employed that fast. I love how you describe a show on trutv, thats gainful employment, yeah stephen a lot of comedians hate you now just hearing you say, that because the struggle, the struggle for years, did you not pay your dues . Of course, i did, of course, i did. As a comedian you do so many bad shows. Dia show a show i did a couple of months before the tv show was picked up at an e. D. M. Festival. Do you know what that is stephen whoop i think youre starting to get an idea of why didt didnt go well. Stephen you did standup while that music was playing . Yeah, way off way off in a distance. Its an acronym for everybody is doing molly. And the comedy tent was in the area where after people had done so much drugs, that their heart stopped, and then the music brought them back to life because its c. P. R. On their bodies. Oh like that. Then they would go to, like, the chillout area where the comedy show was. Stephen so these were people who were, like, dei had dehydrated and exhausted and you would do comedy for them . Yes, they werent you know in laughing mood. They were a good crowd but stephen they were on mole, right . Yes. Stephen so you would tell a joke and they would say, i love you. Yes, yes. Id love to touch your shirt. Stephen okay adam ruins everything. Okay. Here we are adam ruins everything, ruin something for me. Something that i think i know about. Something were doing coming up is youre a patriotic guy, right . Stephen, of course,. Do you like, say, mount rushmore. Stephen ive never been but its an american icon. Dont go. Its americas id say weirdest national monument. Its a strange moniewrnlgt isnt, the idea that we would carve faces into the side of a mountain. Its an odd idea. Stephen its to hide the gold inside thats revealed in National Treasure 2, right. They did that to throw off the treasure hunt. Not quite, not quite. Stephen so ruin it for me. Some facts about it. Mount rushmore is actually unfinished. Stephen what jootd rub at the bottom you see the pictures at the head and the rocks at the bottom, thats because they were going to do the whole bodes. The product ran out of money and the workers walked off the job, and the gfts was like, thats plenty. Were done. And the reason was the sculptor had died. And he was some maniac who had this crazy plan where he literally wanted to keep the constitution and declaration of independence inside the heads stephen with all the gold laughter . He wanted to keep them inside a mount in south dakota. And the government was like, no, just build the stat use, dummies. Now the president is on the monument. Washington, the first president , Teddy Roosevelt. Why is Teddy Roosevelt on there some. Stephen because hes goes . He was friends with the sculptor. Thats why literally why. A fine president , but thats why. Not andrew jackson, you who might say would be perhaps more famous at the time. It was Ted Roosevelt because goodson was like, i want to suck up to my buddy. Stephen did people, when it was first completed, were saying this is done, did people like it . Its instantly a hit or what is roosevelt doing up there . Im not sure about that. I think they probably had to like it because it was there. Stephen was roosevelt still alive when it was finished . I think he was dead at that time. Stephen when was it finished . Now oouf stumped me. I dont know, stephen. Stephen stephen ruins everything. Stephen adam ruins everything is on tuesdays on trutv. Its gainful employment. Well be right back with a performance by randy newman. Stick around. [ america by simon and garfunkel ] let us be lovers, well marry our fortunes together ive got some real estate here in my bag so i looked at the scenery. She read her magazine. The allnew volkswagen atlas. Covered from coast to coast with americas best bumpertobumper limited warranty. Take the zantac it challenge pill works fast . 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[engine revving sounds] if youre on a diet of taking it up a notch. Thats way better than my duck call. Drink diet dew. The only diet with dew in it. Stephen my next guest is an oscar, emmy and grammy Award Winning singersongwriter. Here performing his song putin, ladies and gentlemen, randy newman cheers and applause putin puttin his pants on one leg at a time you mean hes just like a regular fella, huh . Yeah, he aint nothing like a regular fella putin puttin his hat on hat size number nine you sayin putins gettin bigheaded . Putins heads just fine he can drive his giant tractor across the transsiberian plain he can power a Nuclear Reactor with the left side of his brain and when he takes his shirt off he drives the ladies crazy when he takes his shirt off makes me wanna be a lady its the putin girls putin, if you put it when you put it where you put it putin, if you put it will you put it next to me . Putin, if you put it when you put it where you put it putin, if you put it will you put it next to me . Ginow putin hates the putin cause he hates vulgarity and he loves his mother country and he loves his family he and his exwife lyudmila are riding along the shore of the beautiful new Russian Black Sea lets listen in a great man is speaking we fought a war for this . Im almost ashamed the mediterranean now theres a resort worth fighting for if only the greeks or the turks would start to sniff around id bring the hammer down so quick their woolly heads would spin woolly head, woolly head, woolly head or, wait a minute even better what if the kurds got in the way . Hey kurds and way, curds and whey sometimes a people is greater than their leader germany, kentucky, france sometimes a leader towers over his country one shot at glory they dont get a Second Chance i dragged these peasants kicking and screaming into the 21st century i thought theyd make it i must have been dreaming these chicken farmers and file clerks gonna be the death of me i cant do it sure, you can i cant do it yeah, you can youre gonna lead our people to the Promised Land cause, goddamn, im the putin man cheers and applause thank you very much stephen thanks, randzy. His new album, dark matter, is out friday stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be Dave Chappelle, james van der beek and joe walsh. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Gordon Ramsay and brendan gleeson. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show announcer ladies and gentlemen, all the way from oklahoma, mississippi, massachusetts, give it up for your host, the one, the