And heres something to help you remember. Stephen let me join you there. Please. Stephen daddys been bad happy fathers day. cheers and applause its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes Scarlett Johansson. Bill burr. And musical guest fleet foxes. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey thats right, thats right thats right cheers and applause thats nice. Thats crisp. Thats crisp. Thanks, everybody thank you so much. Youre so kind. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. And it is it is friday. cheers and applause once again we have made it through the week to friday. You can feel the friday vibe in the crowd. cheers and applause it is unmistakable. These are people ready to cut loose right here, cut footloose. Of course, the big news this week is that special Counsel Robert Mueller is investigating donald trump for obstruction of justice. But cheers and applause its a friday crowd. Thats a friday crowd right there. But trumps got a plan. I think hes going to be the first person ever to settle his presidency out of court. laughter and, as always, donald trump hes a fighter, you know . Hes a street fighter. He punches back. Hes fighting back on twitter. Yesterday he tweeted stephen i dont know. Maybe because those people are the nonpresident. laughter everybody else gets to hang out with russia i hate you. Youre not my real special prosecutor. Im going to my room applause cheers and applause and while weve all been following the investigation, Senate Republicans have very quietly been hard at work this week on their plan to repeal obamacare. Whats in it . Who knows . laughter all weve found out so far is their Foolproof Plan for getting it passed keeping their Health Care Bill secret. Yes, somehow, your Health Insurance is the one piece of classified information that no one has leaked yet. cheers and applause yes, yes, yes. Yes, it is so secret, the senate Health Care Bill is so very secret, its like its like the Health Care Bill is the next season of game of thrones, and yet somehow more people will die. audience reacts and they have im talking about you people, because you wont have health care. laughter and senator john cornyn of texas had a cute analogy for the secret Health Care Bill, saying, laughter is this how john cornyn thinks babies are made . Darlin, what do you say we pop a bottle of wine and enter a secret committee overseen by Mitch Mcconnell if you know what i mean. And this secret baby must be a real monster, because even republican senators are unaware of the health care details. So theyre voting for something theyve never seen. Its like the dating game. Healthcare bill number 1 if you were a bird, would you cover preexisting conditions . Not on the first date. laughter applause you cant really blame them. This is a very delicate negotiation. If the bill is too harsh, theyll lose moderates like maine senator susan collins. But if the bill is too generous, theyll lose fiscal conservatives like ohio senator chuck reaper. laughter now, Senate Republicans met with the president to discuss the healthcare bill, and he told them he was glad they were working on it, because the house bill that passed last month was mean, mean, mean. Careful, sir. You say mean three times into a mirror, and steve bannon appears behind you. laughter okay . applause thats kind of crazy for the president of the United States to say that about the house bill because if you remember the day the second the house bill passed, trump invited all the republican congressmen to the white house for a party. I havent seen that many happy white men in suits since the Memorial Day Sale at joseph a. Bank. laughter and quality products. And heres what trump said back then but we have an Amazing Group of people standing behind me. They worked so hard, and they worked so long. And when i said, lets do this. Lets go out just short, little shots for each one of us, and lets say how good this plan is. Stephen ill go first its mean, mean, mean. laughter you remember that a couple of weeks ago President Donald Trump withdrew the u. S. From the paris climate agreement. Now this is bad news audience booo jon we dont want that. Stephen i agree. This is bad news for the residents of tangier, virginia, which is a small island in the chesapeake bay, which, due to rising sea levels, is losing roughly 15 feet of coastline per year. Thats shrinking pretty fast. That water must be cold. laughs jon i like the cut. Stephen thank you, jim. Cnn recently did a report on tangier that showcased the concerns of the small fishing towns 450 residents. And it appears that this is one piece of fake news that actually resonated with our president , because this week, trump called the mayor of tangier and told him not to worry about his rapidlydisappearing island. And trumps speaking from his own experience. I mean, hes watched a lot of his businesses go under. According applause a lot of bankrupt casino fans here tonight. laughter according to tangier mayor james ooker eskridge, trump told him, your island has been there for hundreds of years, and i believe your island will be there for hundreds more. Yes, if something is there, its never going away, unless trump meets a younger, hotter one. audience reacts now applause island island a younger, hotter hotter, like hotter, island. Now, in the unlikely event that Donald Trumps words didnt calm residents of the soontobe lost city of tangier, their mayor believes there is a solution to coastal erosion. They need a jetty, or perhaps even a sea wall, around the entire island, and that trump will cut through red tape and get them that wall. Yes, trump is going to get them that wall, and then make the ocean pay for it. Weve got a great show for you tonight. cheers and applause Scarlett Johansson is here but when we return, ill tell you about this years best fathers day cards and their notsobest first drafts. Stick around we, the people, are tired of being surprised with extra monthly fees. We want hd. And every box and dvr. All included. Because we dont like surprises. Yes. Like changing up the celebrity at the end to someone more handsome. And talented. Really . And british. Switch from cable to directv. Get 4 rooms with hd, dvr and every box included for 25 a month. Only from directv. New, peach, from limearita. Make it a margarita moment. She pretty much lives in her favorite princess dress. But once a week i let her play sheriff so i can wash it. 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Upgrade your game to intels fastest processor. You should probably upgrade those, too. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human, right there. Give it up for the band right there, right there cheers and applause nice. Nice. Hey, jon, hey, jon, you know, fathers day is this weekend. Yes, indeed. Stephen are you doing anything with or for your dad . Jon yes, i always do something for my dad. Stephen are you going to go down there or are you going to call him . What are you going to do . Jon i will call him this year. My kids are all out of town this weekend. Jon oh, wow. Stephen no kid will be there this weekend. Jon is evy going to be there. Stephen evy is not my wife is not going to be there, either. Jon wow. Stephen just me. Ill come stephen youll come . cheers and applause youre all my children now. laughter as i said, this is fathers day. And ill admit that its okay that im going to be alone because fathers day is not as important as mothers day. Okay. Its not. No, guys, grow up. laughter its not. Sure we dads teach kids about lawn care and the importance of burying your feelings, but we did not give them life. We did not pass our child through our body like a canned ham. laughter but after you buy dad his new tie that also serves as a barbecue tongs, its always nice to add a thoughtful fathers day card. If you havent picked yours up yet, please dont sweat it. Because right now, im going to show you this years hottest fathers day cards, and their notsogreat beginnings, in a special fathers day edition of first drafts applause okay, always on first drafts, i have someone from the audience help me. So could i see a show of hands . Do we have any fathers in the audience today who might want to come up on stage . Anybody you sir, black shirt. Whats your name . Ben. Stephen ben, come on up. Lets do this, ben. Ben, everybody. All right, ben, thank you so much. Have a seat. Happy fathers day. Hey, thanks. Happy fathers day to you. Stephen ben whats your full name . John benjamin roy keith. Stephen John Benjamin roy keith . From the south. Stephen you have four names and theyre all first names. laughter theyre all first names. Stephen that is greedy. That is really greedy. Well, happy fathers day. Would you like a cold beer . Ill drink a cold beer with Stephen Colbert, yes. Stephen there you go. Cold beer right there. cheers and applause what else do we have . Got a couple things. And here is some ground beef. Ground beef. laughter stephen okay . That packaging is beginning to swell a little bit. laughter i think we should have actually, i need that space right there. I need that space right there. Host of the show, guest. Okay . Dont touch the props. Okay. Heres how it works have you ever seen us do first drafts before . I think i saw the mothers day edition. Stephen okay, heres what were going to do. Im going to show you a series of fathers day cards, okay, a really great one, and then followed by the notsogreat first draft of that card, the way they wrote it the first time before they got it right. Is the premise of this joke getting through to you . Yes, it is. Stephen it is, okay. Would you mind holding these . Hand me the top one as we go along. Not yet. I will call for it. Are you in town with your wife . Yes, i am. Stephen is she here . Yes, ruth. Stephen whats her name . Ruth. Stephen ruth . Hi, ruth. Say hi to ruth, everybody. cheers and applause and you have kids . I do, i have three. Stephen three kids. Boys, girls . Two girls, one boy. Stephen okay, great. Are they nice to their brother . Mmmm. Sometimes, yeah. laughter stephen okay. Dad just threw you under the bus, girls. Okay, can i have the first card please . Here we go. Heres the final draft of a card. Its a nice one. It says, happy fathers day to my one and only dad. Okay . Thats nice. Very sweet. But the first draft said, happy fathers day to my one and only dad that i know of. laughter applause you never know. You never know. You never do know. Stephen how old are they . 21, 21, and 18. Stephen so twins . No we brady bunched it. Stephen oh, you joined the family together, thats nice. Stephen okay, ben, heres one. It says, happy fathers day to the man who wears the pants in the family. laughter okay. There you go. Thank you. But the first draft read, happy fathers day, thank you for putting on pants. laughter because, you know yeah. Stephen on the weekends, just some boxer shorts is nice. After 5 00. Stephen after 5 00 . Thats nice, very formal of you. laughter thats very nice. Lets get some breeze in there. Okay, heres a nice one. Its a very sweet one. It says, dad, youre more than a father, youre also a friend. crowd awws thats very sweet. But the first draft read, want to get high . cheers and applause you dont do, that right . No. Stephen you dont do that. Dont do that. A lot of kids think you should be, like, friends with the kids, right . Got to be the dad, right . I have a marine corps background. Theres no friends. Stephen oh, you were in the corps. Wow. I was going to ask you for another card, but, yeah, ill shake your hand. You bet. Yeah, okay. Thank you for your service. Do your kids ever say that to you . My sons in the army, so stephen oh, he is . cheers and applause wow. Thank you for his service. Wow. All right, heres one that says, happy fathers day. Dad, you rock all right. But the first draft was your dad band makes you look like an extra in a viagra commercial. laughter applause a sip of that. A sip of that. Do you everything working in that direction there . Ben, you needs the viagra . What . Theres no shame. Everybody does it . Were good. Stephen im on a couple right now. laughter just to get through the show, absolutely, yeah. laughter nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with it. Its cool. Stephen heres one. It says, lets see, happy fathers day. When i grow up, i want to be just like dad thats nice. But the first draft said, but, yknow, without the drinking. applause heres one that says, happy fathers day, family is forever. Thats an Important Message we should all remember. But the first draft read, happy fathers day, im never moving out of the basement. laughter applause where did you where did you do your Marine Corps Training . Where did you do boot camp . Parris island. Stephen parris island, South Carolina. cheers are you cheering for the marines or for South Carolina . I didnt understand a damn thing they just said. Could i have the top one, there . Sure. Stephen im from the low country of South Carolina. cheers laughter i used to live in charleston. Stephen here we go. Heres one for the grandfathers out there. It says, you put the grand in grandpa. Happy fathers day. Thats really sweet. But the first draft said, please stop calling my wife oriental. laughter applause definitely have a sip. Ben, thank you so much. Ben keith, everybody. Well be right back with the lovely Scarlett Johansson. Drink up drink up remember our special night . Abdominal pain. And diarrhea. But its my anniversary. Aw. Sorry. Weve got other plans. Your recurring, unpredictable abdominal pain and diarrhea. May be Irritable Bowel Syndrome with diarrhea, or ibsd. Youve tried overthecounter treatments and lifestyle changes, but ibsd can be really frustrating. Talk to your doctor about viberzi,. A different way to treat ibsd. Viberzi is a Prescription Medication you take every day that helps proactively manage. Both abdominal pain and diarrhea at the same time. So you stay ahead of your symptoms. Viberzi can cause new or worsening abdominal pain. 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Clap your hands if it feels good clap your hands, ohh clap your hands if it feels good clap your hands, ooh feeling tonight, some kinda wonderful feeling inside, some kinda wonderful lobster and shrimp are teaming up in so many new dishes. Fest, like coastal lobster and shrimp, with shrimp crusted with kettle chips. Or new, overthetop lobster and shrimp overboard. But it cant last, so hurry in. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody come on welcome back, ladies and gentlemen please, have a seat. Folks, i am so excited. My first guest has played everything from black widow in the avengers to her in her. She now stars in rough night. Oh, god, theres only one cup left. Oh, i cant do it. Its too much pressure. Focus if we win this we will be the only girls to ever win the halloween tournament. For womankind. Stop making me horny and shoot. cheers ooooh stephen please welcome Scarlett Johansson. cheers and applause hello stephen its so nice to see you again. Its so nice to see you again. I think i maybe was on your second show. Stephen you were. Yeah. Stephen you were my second guest. You were my second lead guest. Um, thank you for coming back. I know how to do this job now. How have you how have you gotten better . I want to know how youve improved. Stephen i enjoy it more, i think. Yeah, because you were terrified . Stephen, of course i totally changed jobs. I had to be myself, you know. I dont know how to be myself. I had to learn to be myself after all those years. I know, believe me, im very sympathetic to that. I understand. As an actor, i understand. Stephen you have done it all, super hero movies, scifi, woody allen, noir. What is it like now doing a blockbuster comedy . Because this is your first big blockbuster comedy, isnt it . Um, yeah, i think so. I mean yeah, i think so. laughter stephen its you, its kate mckinnon, ilana glazer, gillian bell, zoe kravitz. Its a great cast, an amazing cast of comedians. And it was a blast. I mean it was we just immediately jelled. And just laughed and cry laughed and cried the whole time. Stephen and its its a female director, too, who is the director . Its lucia aniello, she does broad city which is such a great show. cheers and applause and it was written and directed by lucia, and paul downs, who they partnered together. He also plays my fiance in the film. Stephen so its all female stars, all female director. This is like the wonder woman of getting coked up and killing a stripper. laughter she does something similar to that, doesnt she . Stephen she kills some people but she doesnt get coked up first. laughter oh, right, true. Its bath salts. Stephen exactly. Who is grandma geraldine . Oh, my gosh i have a doppelganger. Okay, so this grandson posted on reddit that and i dont have any social media presence. So i stephen none at all . No. Stephen tweet, instagram . No, nothing. And so this came to me purely because people were like, oh, my god, you have a doppelganger, and its crazy. So i looked at this link online. This woman looks exactly like me. Its his grandma. The picture was taken when she was 22. Look at the picture what . Stephen thats totally you. It is me from lucy and it looks let me look at it. It looks so much like me. Stephen its shocking. Its crazy. But she was also really wasted in that picture. laughter applause she was. And so, when she you know, i found out that she was obviously, she looked exactly like me, but she was wasted. I was like you should come and we should get wasted together at the rough night premiere. And so she came last night to the rough night premiere and we did get kind of trashed. laughter she is so nice geraldine there we are look at how cute she is . She looks great. applause stephen so she can party . Can she party . My gosh, shes a lush laughter she was such a nice woman, though. Honestly, it was wonderful to meet her. Shes from arkansas, and her daughter, of course, owns a bar. And so laughter and i will eventually make my way to arkansas and continue this lovely family reunion. Shes just shes just awesome. Stephen well, the last time you were here, you flew in from paris to be on the show, which i was so thrilled for you to come in just to do the show. Do you travel all around the world . You must for, like, blockbuster movies, because these marvel movies open in every market in the world. Oh, yeah, were always traveling to you know, last press tour well go to china. Well go to france or london or all over the place. Stephen is there something in all those different places, you have to go around the world, you know, it must be sort of disorienting. Is there something you go like a comfort food or something chicken wings. I try chicken wings in every single like, wherever i am. Stephen can you get them pretty much anywhere . Unfortunately not. I wish that you could. But there are some countries, you know, they want to make the americans feel at home, so youll go to a hotel bar in shanghai and there will be wings. Stephen because thats my goto. Thats how i test the hotel. By the wings . Stephen i order the wings and a caesar salad. And thats how i judge the hotel. Oh, my gosh, me, too. We are samesies. What kind of wings stephen i say that all the time, me and Scarlett Johansson, kind of samesies. laughter hold on. Hold on. Yeah. laughter wait, so are you a buffalo wing type of person . Stephen im a buffalo wing. Im a classic buffalo wing. And do you go for ranch or bleu cheese. I go for the bleu cheese. Me, too applause stephen come on. We should throw down on some wings sometimes. Sometime very soon. Stephen now, how deep do you get into it . Because since im in my hotel room, because youre there in your hotel room, im not saying i eat them naked, but laughter i do put down a towel before i start eating these things. laughter you know, because you have all the towels and the robe and everything. You want to be careful what you touch after you do eat those hot wings. Im just saying. Stephen yes, yes. laughter applause you dont want to get that sauce in your eye. Stephen safety first. No, that would certainly your eye is the least of the problems. laughter do you get all gravyed up . Do you get all gravyed up . What do you think i am, some sort of an animal . Stephen youre by yourself in a hotel room, man, its chow down. Just hands behind your back and bob for buffalo wings. Bob for celery and the bleu cheese. Thats gross i dont do that. Stephen oh, its the only way to live. Really . I eat my wings very daintily. I kind of eat them like this and then i spin it around and a little bit more i dont know, i just shove the whole thing in my mouth, it comes out super clean, no meat on the bone. Actually, i was with we are in the process of shooting infinity war. Stephen i know cheers and applause you were spotted in atlanta with chris evans with captain america shooting down in atlanta, right . Yes, were down in atlanta. They have really good wings down in atlanta. Stephen, of course, yeah. I did this lemon pepper wing. Have you had a lemon pepper wing. Stephen i have, yes. Theyre everything. Stephen have you been to the varsity, down in atlanta . No. Stephen oh, youve got to go to the varsity. Latenight burgers and fries and a coke at the varsity. Check it out. 24 hours open, 24 hours a day. Theyll fry anything you want. laughter like what . Stephen i dont know, theyd fry this if you bring it up. laughter so can you tell me anything without, you know, getting in trouble, can you tell me anything about whats going on with avengers three, four, seven, or nine . laughter what youre shooting right now. Can you give us a taste, a little hint of whats going on . I really cant. I cant think of anything i could possibly say. All right stephen youre in it. Okay, i am in it. At one point, i do think that the like, the infinity wars, i think at one point 61 or 62 marvel characters in it. Stephen what . Yeah, theres a lot. Stephen in one scene there are like 61 or 62 marvel characters . I think in one particular scene there are 32 of us. There are a lot. There are so many of us, i dont even know who is a marvel character or a crew member, honestly. laughter stephen you know i might be a marvel character. Marvel put me in the amazing spiderman years ago. And so youre looking to come back for your debut. Theres probably room for you. Stephen just fit me in somewhere right there. Then we can have wings at the varsity. Stephen i would love it. I have a captain america shield up there. Where, where . Stephen right upstairs. Come with me. cheers and applause where . Stephen this way. Ill go first. You just threw it down . Hold on a second. Gosh, this is a lot of stairs cheers and applause hi well, thats old timey. That looks like a garbage pail lid. Whats in there stephen its the script for avengers 4 what is in there . Stephen i dont know. Im not joking. I just tried to take this shield off the wall and thats when i found out theres a safe back there. applause honest to god, i have no idea whats in there. Well. laughter we can just say goodbye from here. We dont have to go back down. Adios stephen is there a camera . cheers and applause is that it . Heres the thing, heres the thing. I i before we came up here, i would like to read that, but i left my glasses down on my desk. laughter is there any way could read that to say good night. Rough night in theaters now. Scarlett johansson. What does that say . laughter oh, everybody, everybody well be right back with bill burr cheers and applause stephen Scarlett Johansson, everybody thank you so much. What is going on, guys . This is the brand new Samsung Galaxy s8. First thing you need to discuss is that display. The s8 plus has a higher resolution. It is just. Its beautiful. One of the best cameras you can put in your pocket again this year. We have gorilla glass 5 front and back. Ip68 water and dust resistant. Everything out the way. Save that s8. Ah, i love this phone [ ] i love you, basement guest bathroom. Some retreat to the woods for solitude. I just go downstairs. I love you, but sometimes you stink. New febreze air effects with Odorclear Technology cleans. Away odors like never before. Because the things you love the most can stink. And try febreze small spaces to clean away odors for up. To 30 days breathe happy with new febreze. Hansome scrambled eggs andt i pancakes. For . Lilly we got a craving go, go, go crashing cravings in the crave van jacks gonna crash your crave jack hey, guys. Try my jumbo breakfast platter with sausage or bacon, plus 8 mini pancakes, eggs and a hash brown for just 2. 99. Handballer 2 2. 99 . How bout we play you for it. Handballers oooooooh. Jack vo you crave it, we serve it. Try my 2. 99 jumbo breakfast platter. Crave van stephen welcome back, everybody. cheers and applause folks, my next guest tonight is a comedian who Rolling Stone called the undisputed heavyweight champion of rage fueled humor. Please welcome bill burr. cheers and applause ragefueled humor . I dont even think im mad. Stephen you dont think thats fair . You dont think the description is . No, im just old. laughter this is how people used to talk. And then i just lived long enough, and people brought it down, you know. Stephen people are too polite now . Not polite. Theyre nicer. Theyre pleasant. Theres a pleasantness out there. Stephen youre not describing that with a pleasant tone of voice. laughter you managed to make pleasant sound like a negative. I know. Theres nothing i can do. I dont know what it is. I grew up in massachusetts. This is the accent. cheers and applause we just sound we sound like were upset. Im in a great mood. I get a free mug. I love the free mug. Stephen we give you this mug . Yeah stephen i thought we just washed it out and used it again. laughter well, good for you, congratulations, you turn a profit on this one. And nothing making you mad . Oh, things upset me, yes. I i dont know. I dont want to look, i fly a lot, and theres this whole new thing, generation of people that take their socks and their shoes off on the plane. Youve got to look at their smelly feet, and then theyll literally stand up and they will walk into a commercial Airline Bathroom yeah use it, and then walk and sit back down again. Stephen thats not right. Yeah if i was a dictator, those people would be eliminated. laughter i would. Stephen yeah, yeah . Uhhuh. Theyre animals. Theyre animals i saw a guy, he literally i was in l. A. X. To come out here, and the guy had his socks and shoes off, and his feet up on his luggage, and everybody had to look at his old 50something yearold feet. And i just kept picturing beating the bottom of his feet until he took them off, like shame him into it. Stephen you moved here in 95 to new york city . Yes, i did. Stephen you have lived here the entire time since then . No, i lived in l. A. Briefly in the late 90s, and then came back here in 99, lived here until 2007, loved it, and since then ive lived out in l. A. Stephen what was it like moving, because i moved here in 95, too. It was a little bit different then. Yeah. Stephen it wasnt quite as cleaned up and as nice. No, it wasnt. It was a scary place to be. And crowds were not impressed. There were drug addicts, people nodding off, remember like alphabet city and everything. Stephen sure. And i just remember it was a very difficult place to do standup. And now, 20 years later, i came back and i was doing standup locally, and people were like groaning in the crowd at jokes. Like they were offended. Stephen what do you mean . Ill tell you what happened. Theres an m m store in times square now, and just kind of affected everybody, their mindset. laughter and everything now is just like, oh, my god oh, my god oh, my god. You got to like walk them through the joke. I was doing a joke, i go, i saw this lesbian walking through a restaurant. And everybody was like, oh, my god it was undeniable. Stephen that she was a lesbian, you mean . Yeah, she was dressed like john goodman on roseanne. laughter you know . That style. It was funny to me. She was dressed like a construction worker. Its funny you would just pick a job. I mean i like women but i dont dress like a pirate and have a lantern and walk around with it. It was just funny. Stephen maybe she was a construction worker. She wasnt laughter her hands were, like, as clean as mine. Stephen shes the foreman. I almost got offended as, like, a man, looking at her being like, look, we dont do all of that you know . Well wear some of that. She had a costume. She even had the hard hat and that surveyor thing. You feel it now. Theyre getting all theyre backing off. Is he saying is he saying theres something wrong . No, im saying she was dressed ridiculous. The woman who happened to be a lesbian, it was funny the way she was dressed. Im going to be washed up in six months. laughter theyve got a hersheys store down there. Stephen in times square . Yeah, the giant kiss thing with the string coming out. Stephen you dont like candy, i hear. This what im getting from the conversation. They have it in the supermarket. You dont have to have a whole store. laughter is there going to be a snickers store . How fat do they want to make people . Stephen youve got an animated show. Where is this on . Where is f is for family . Its on netflix. Stephen its on netflix. F is for family. I hear very good things. Season two. We got ten episodes, just came out the other day. cheers and applause stephen why this is is it set in the 1970s . Because it looks like it is. Yes, it is. Stephen why did you want to do an animation and why in the 70s . Just through telling family stories doing standup, when i was a young comic, everyone would laugh when i was telling my family stories. And now im old and everyones you know. The helicopter parent kids came. The kids who wear helmets. Its acceptable now. Stephen we were left alone, we were left alone. You know the guys now, they have cupcakes and kittens on their shirts. And it just astounds me. I was like, if i wore anything remote likely that i would get the living hell beaten out of me. How are you doing that, on the subway, youre wearing that . It blows my mind. So, people just kept it wasnt that they werent laughing. They were feeling bad for me. And i had to look at the crowd and go, no, i deserved the beating. I deserved it see . laughter stephen we have a clip here that i want to show the people. This is you are in your own show. Youre the dad in this . Yes, i play frank murphy, who is an amalgam of everybodys dad in the writers room. And this is kind of basically what dads used to be like. When i was growing you, you were afraid of your dad. He came home, he came in the front door and you went out the back door. You just remembered going into the woods and staying until the car left again. laughter stephen we should probably show the clip. Lets show the clip. Hey, mr. , are you a pervert . No. Then why are you staring at that lady through that window like one . Thats my wife in there. How come youre not at work . How come youre not leaving me the bleep alone . Im going to tell my dad you swore at me, hes a cop. Then he can solve your murder, you nosy little. Frank, no you have to stop swearing at other peoples children. Youre right, youre right. Hey, go play with your fathers gun frank i didnt swear laughter stephen thats a proper childhood. Thank you for having me. Thank you, i had a good time. Stephen f is for family season two is on netflix right now. Bill burr, everybody. Well be right back with a performance by fleet foxes. cheers and applause what makes a lipton meal . First you start with this. These guys. A place like shhh no. Found it and definitely lipton ice tea. Lots of it. A lipton meal is what you bring to it. And the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. I was always tpeople dont stare anymore. I never joined in. That wasnt fair to any of us. I was covered. I tried lots of things over the years. But i didnt give up. 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Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin the Energy Conscious whopeople among usle . Say small actions can add up to something. Humongous. A little thing here. A little thing there. Starts to feel like a badge maybe millions can wear. Who are all these caretakers, advocates too . Turns out, its californians its me and its you. Dont stop now, its easy to add to the routine. Join Energy Upgrade california and do your thing. Dennys your house. Rries and cream pancakes are in the house. With new dennys online ordering, get whatever you want, whenever you want, now wherever you want. Order at dennys. Com cheers and applause olay eyes new deep hydrating eye gel with hyaluronic acid born to outperform the 1. Prestige eye cream for better hydration. And your best look yet. Olay eyes collection. Ageless. Woman so this happened. Nikki picked up some limearitas and thats when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. We started hanging a disco ball but then the ball reminded ava of her sequined dress. Now we have two disco balls. Limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Hes got a condo. Ita. Hes got a car. Hes got a career. But that still doesnt mean he gets you. Time to shine. Orbit. Stephen my next guests released their first new album in six years today, titled, crackup. Here performing third of may, ladies and gentlemen, fleet foxes cheers and applause light ended the night but the song remained and i was hiding by the stair half here half there past the lashing rain and as the sky would petal white old innocent lies came to mind as we stood, congregated at the firing line night ended the fight but the song remained and so i headed to the wall turned tail to call to the new domain as if in the sight of sea youre suddenly free but its all the same oh, but i can hear you loud in the center arent we made to be crowded together like leaves was i too slow did you change overnight second son for the second time can i be light and free if i lead you through the fury will you call to me and is all that i might owe you carved on ivory but all will fade all i say all i needed as a flash in the eye i wouldnt deny, all receded life unfolds in pools of gold and i am only owed this shape if i make a line to hold to be held within ones self is deathlike, oh i know but all will be for mine and me as we make it and the size of the fray cant take it away they wont make it cheers and applause stephen thanks, man. Thank you so much. Stephen fleet foxes, everybody well be right back. [brother] any last words . [boy] karma, danny. Karma [vo] progress is seizing the moment. Your summer moment awaits you, now that the summer of audi sales event is here. Audi will cover your first months lease payment on select models during the summer of audi sales event. Stephen hey, thats it for the late show, everybody ig captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from boskarobia, esqualabia, give it up for your