Thats it get a grip get a grip. You better tell us something or youre going to have to deal with my partner here, alexa, and then its going to be lights out. Lights out. Alexis, lights on oh, my god, hes been murder its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes cuba gooding jr. Rupert friend. And comedian gary gulman. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo wooo hows it going . Thanks, everybody welcome to the late show. Hey, chris, whats going on. I am your host Stephen Colbert. The last 24 hours have seen more highlevel intelligence meetings on capitol hill, and there is a growing consensus that Russian Hackers worked to influence the election in favor of donald trump, and that is disturbing to everyone, except to some folks who are weirdly okay with it. The New York Times talked to some of the president elects supporters about the russian hack and they said sure, the house is on fire, but if thats what it took to get the kids to play outside, i say let it burn toss a little gas on it cheers and applause i wasnt that worried about russia until yesterday, when cspan cut out and was briefly replaced by a feed of russias official englishlanguage state tv network, russia today. Take a look. This really happened. A bill that would basically take the s. E. C. , and literally obliterate. Thats right. Cspan was interrupted by russia today. It shocked cspans audience both of them. laughter but for ten whole minutes yesterday, russian propaganda was being broadcast on tv directly from washington. And thats not supposed to start until january 20. cheers and applause russian propaganda russian propaganda better learn some russian. Its unclear how this happened, but a lot of people are worried its a hack. Luckily, ive been assured that the cbs feed is secure and theres no way for russia to ever lalala cheers and applause of course, the russians arent the only Intelligence Agency to undermine our election. They had competition from f. B. I. Director and lifeguard who sees youre drowning but is on his break, james comey. Comey broke longstanding f. B. I. Policy by announcing a new investigation into Hillary Clintons emails 11 days before the election. It turned out the investigation produced nothing damaging, other than president trump. laughter well, the Justice Department has announced it will open an investigation into comeys decision. This is a good First Step Towards making things right. Of course second step is building a time machine. And tonight, as i said applause and tonight, as i said, were exactly one week from Donald Trumps inauguration, and its no secret, trump has had trouble booking big performers. Though if the russian blackmail rumors are true, he could get r. Kelly. He might come. I dont know why. I dont know why. I have no idea why. But yesterday, he landed his biggest act yet, none other than the one and only Bruce Springsteen cover band the bstreetband laughter applause the bstreet theyre good. Theyre a perfect fit. Its a perfect fit. Who better to sing for our reality show president than a man pretending to be the boss . applause . Jon oh oh stephen the bstreetband will be singing all the springsteen classics for trump thunder grope, born to run dads company, 10th avenue penthouse, and i am not convinced you were born in the u. S. A. laughter applause this is great. This is great. Trump may not be able to get the alifters, but i for one am looking forward to performanceby banders like cheers and applause a tripping hazard, a tripping hazard. Oh, did you hear this . There is a new product from taco bell that uses Fried Chicken instead of a taco shell. Yeah, its called the naked chicken chalupa. And i believe naked is the best way to eat a chicken chulupa because then you can just hose off afterwards. laughter now, i dont know why taco bell would bother making a taco shell out of Fried Chicken when it would be so much quicker to just punch their customers in the heart. laughter hold still according to the president of the company, Fried Chicken is growing at a tremendous clip. Its a real void on our menu, and its something our customers ask us for. Look, taco bell, youve got to stand up for yourselves. laughter you cant just give your customers anything they ask for. Theyre drunk. laughter applause they shouldnt be calling the shots. What would you do if a customer said, uh, you guys should totally sell deep fried soup. Throw a couple of doublea batteries on that bad boy. You know what . Fine. Fine. This is the world we live in now. You want to make a frankentaco out of a completely different nontaco food . Go for it. Do whatever you want. But i know what ill be doing ill be eating that Fried Chicken chalupa. That sounds delicious. Speaking of things that dont go together, there is some shocking news from the animal kingdom. This week, apparently, a male snow monkey was observed attempting to have sex with female sika deer on japans Yakushima Island in an unusual example of interspecies mating behaviour. Wow. Well, you know what they say, once you go snow monkey. You hope no one takes a picture of it. laughter now and this is true, this is true. I am not making this up. Cbs censors will not allow me to roll this footage uncensored, but criminal minds can stack up hookers like cord wood. Its a shame, because scientists are fascinated, explaining, the only previous reported case of sexual interactions between two distantly related species was that of an antarctic fur seal observed sexually harassing king penguins and in one instance, eating a bird after having sex with it. Clearly, clearly, that penguin should have established a safe word beforehand. Maybe dont eat me. Now, they dont know exactly why these two crazy kids got together, but they say its probably something called mate deprivation, where males with limited access to females are more likely to display this behavior. In laymans terms the bar was closing, and there is no monkey tinder. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Cuba gooding jr. Is here. But when we return, ill tell you the latest decrees from the big furry hat. Stick around. Most fast food places use formulas to create their combos. But all that math, doesnt always equal something tasty. At my place, you can get a mouthwatering sourdough bacon ranch combo for 4. 99. With a full size beef patty, bacon, and creamy ranch sauce, on toasted sourdough bread. Plus hot salty fries and refreshing freestyle drink. Because flavor always beats formulas. The sourdough bacon ranch combo, just 4. 99 for a limited time. Band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back to the show, everybody. Jon batiste ask stay human, everybody. Given it for the band right now. Man, that was you people at home you have to come see the show live because you just missed, i would call that hornmageddon. The brass over there, absolutely. They were just irradiating the room with joy. Im going to have to have my sperm count checked later. I think there was too much radiation coming from that side of the room. Well, my sperm count aside, folks, as a latenight talk show host, i dont have to tell you, i wield enormous power. But even my awesome power pales in comparison to the great despots of history genghis khan, muammar qaddafi, melania trump. You dont want to cross her her husband is married to Vladimir Putin applause no, no no, no watch out these merciless tyrants and i have two things in common one, supernaturally smoldering eyes. And, two, a big furry hat cheers and applause now that this hat is upon mine head, i am endowed with indisputable power this is due to my hats two main attributes its bigness and its furriness. Any proclamations i make while thus enhatted, like such, are now and forever law. Let us begin from this day forward, all tabletops will be made of coaster stuff so i can put my drink down anywhere i damn well please. laughter applause photograph frames must no longer come with stock photos. If you dont know what goes inside a frame, you shouldnt be allowed to buy one. applause movie trailers will cease trying to take me on an emotional journey. Just tell me if chris pratt is in the movie. applause from this day forward, the t. S. A. Body scanner must let me pick whatever pose we want. Why do this when i could do this cheers and applause henceforth, when i need to remove i declare i get to read this one again henceforth, when i need to renovate part of my house, i shall be put into a medically induced coma until its over. And as long as im under, gimme a butt lift. laughter starting now, anyone born and raised in america who refers to their apartment as a flat shall be kicked in the twig n berries. laughter applause from this moment onward, people with t. S. A. Precheck must precheck that smug look on their face. laughter applause starting now, any store advertising a blowout sale must have actual explosions. laughter applause drugstore receipts will no longer be two feet long. I want cough drops, not a novel. laughter applause from now on, if Dominos Pizza doesnt deliver in 30 minutes or less, its not just free. Its much blrt pizza. Keys, keys keys shall be more comfortable in my pocket. I dont want to feel like im smuggling a fiddler crab. laughter applause from this day forward, we will have only one type of apple, and that will be pie. laughter cheers from now on, doctors shall give out lollipops to all their patients, regardless of age. If youre going to stick your finger there, i get a treat. laughter applause the hat has spoken well be right back with cuba gooding jr. Fastest growing auto brand in 2016. Take on 2017 and get the safety youd expect. The fuel efficiency you need and americas best truck warranty. Get to nissans take on 2017 event for 0 financing for up to 72 months on 11 models. Or save up to 10,000 on select models. Only at t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices, datafree. Its entertainment. Your way. We catch flo, the progressive girl, at the supermarket buying cheese. Scandal alert flo likes dairy . woman busted [ laughter ] right afterwards we caught her riding shotgun with a mystery man. Oh, yeah [ indistinct shouting ] is this your chauffeur . What . no, i was just showing him how easy it is to save with snapshot from progressive. You just plug it in and it gives you a rate based on your driving. Does she have insurance for being boring . [ light laughter ] laugh bigger. [ laughter ] what bad back . Gels work so fast youll ask what pulled hammy . Advil liqui gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. You have to brave to8 hours of testingcation, in the 11 most crucial areas of management accounting. Only 50 will pass. Done. So if youre one of them, feel free to brag. Youve earned it. Oh yeah. I want that. Whos next . Im next. After her. After him. The cma certification. Youve got to earn it. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, my first guest tonight is the oscarwinning star of Jerry Maguire, as good as it gets, selma, the butler, and of course the people vs. Oj simpson American Crime story. Please welcome cuba gooding jr. applause hi hi thank you. Hey, i thought i had energy. Jon batiste, the way you opened this show with hornaggedon. That was amazing, amazing. Stephen before the show every night, they hook up jumper cables got it down low and everything. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Stephen its humpling to see how low they can drop it down. Theyve still got the young knees. Stephen i can drop it down. I cant get it back again. Congratulations, the people vs o. J. Simpson just won the golden globe. Yes. Thank you, thank you. Stephen there you are, there you are standing right there. That must be a very special feeling to be up there on stage. It is. Its overwhelming when you have a show that catches the zweig on the of american culture. We have been going constantly, the emmys, and now the globes. Its almost like the perfect storm of events, because after our show ended, then you have o. J. Made in america, which was the documentary. So that refueled things again. And were overwhelmed with the response that we got. But the whole origin of that series American Crime story is about shining light on injustices. And the next iteration of it is American Crime story katrina. And, you know, obviously george bush dropped the ball with what happened in new orleans, in that youre not going to go kanye on me, are jew no, no, no. Stephen but are you an . Ern are you in the next American Crime story . I think so. Well see. Stephen what did o. J. Do . Did o. J. Cause katrina . Yeah, he did. Stephen this is a good feeling right here. This is awe good feeling. This is the party afterwards. This also looks like a good feeling. Thats it thats it stephen how does one go from this to this . laughter in two hours . Whats going on there . They refer to that as Academy Awardwinning dark meat. Thats what that is. Thats what that is. Awardwinning dark meat right there. Stephen i like that. Heres the thing. Again, its a celebration. The show did well. All the creators did well. And right now were in a new year, you know. Weve got a lot of work to do this year, you know. Theres a lot of things, theres a lot of issues. People are tense, and sometimes, you know like that old saying, moderation is the key to life, including moderation itself. That picture says it right there. laughter . Stephen what were you drinking . And did you bring enough for everyone is my question . Or were you just huffing Fried Chicken that night . Thats right. I brought enough for everyone and drank it. Stephen very nice. Exactly. Wear this on the red carpet. Thats right. Stephen who are you wearing . The colonel. Thats right. Mr. Sanders. Stephen i heard you were relieved met to play o. J. Anymore. Why . Its the roleave lifetime. You move on. You move pop you live in that characters shoes for a while, and then you start your new character and you focus. Stephen did he specifically i imagine thats any character did he specifically get to you, playing that character get to you . He did, he did. Stephen was there a part of it, a scene, a moment that you had to embody from that story that really was like, okay, i gotta stop doing this . I think its because of my life and what i was going through in my own life. I live in the area of brentwood where he lived. I run into people, as we were even creating this character, people said, i knew o. J. I met a girl that dated ron goldman. And she was like, he was an angel of a man. And i knew the strp touched a lot of peoples lives. Not just o. J. s family, and not just the gold man family but the whole community of los angeles. You take on that kind of responsibility and it affects your soul. Stephen did you ever meet him, pie the way . I did, way back in 1992, him wearing his leather pants in the club, you know,. I heard something he said, like cubes heads not big enough to play me. laughter and i wondered which head was he talking about . What stephen people, i imagine, like, everybody, you know, you have an iconic role i was going to show him the tip. No, im kidding was that too much stephen nope. Was that too much . Stephen not for me. Not for me. I was talking about snow monkeys. I saw that. I saw that. Stephen its a family show. Now i got relatives. Stephen whats going on back there . My mic. My mic fell out. Stephen were coming up on the 20th anniversary of Jerry Maguire your oscarwinning, iconic performance. Yeah. Stephen do people still shout, show me the money . To you . Its on such another level. I was at a bar the other day and this guy said, hey, o. J. show me the money somebody kill him thats all i thought. Stephen do people yell, hey, juice or anything like that. No. Of course, they yell all of it. Its crazy. But thats what you want. You want your characters to connect. Ive been blessed enough my father said to me, ill never forget. My fawct was a singer, the main ingredient, the fool. When we were kids he was always signing autographs. When i did the film requested boyz in the hood and i was trey. People said, hey, trey, can you sign . He was like, hey, man, dont ever be like that. You may only ever be known as trey. Boy, were you wrong. Stephen you felt like before this part you were in actor jail. What does actor jail mean . And highway does one break out of actor jail . Actor jail specifically is when they see you as one character and they dont see you as anyone else. Stephen show me the money . I was the guy who created this line and actually what happened was i met with the director of wet dreams may come, and he said theres not really very many parts in here but i hear you have an interesting take on this character that is the son of robin wil williams. And i said, yeah, you can be in heaven, you can be anything. And he chose to be Robin Williams best friend, this plaque man. And he said, i think thats brilliant. And thats how i finally got that part after nine months without working. Stephen how did you get the job in Jerry Maguire . Jerry maguire was very specific. Robin williams was asked to play the Jerry Maguire role in the readthrough. Stephen robin wi williams ws being considered . I dont know if he was considered but he said, i will do the readthrough for you. A lot of times they want to see the actor in the role, the celebrities so they can see its a real thing, a real movie. And i went in and did this readthrough with Robin Williams and we were as nutty i mean, you think jiry i mean tom crews and i were crazy in that scene. Rob and i know i, i jumped on the table at one point, he was smacking my ass stephen theres no film of this . Theres no film, thank god. But it would be. It broke my heart when he passed. Robin williams was the man. Stephen we dont have any foot annual here of your you have a bucket of chicken, youre going to cut to that. Stephen we dont have any footage of your next role, but we have footage of a role you played in 1989 on a little show we like to call macgyver. Oh stephen you can this is an early very early on in your career. Jim, lets show them the young cuba gooding. My name is macgyver. Im told kids like me once they get to know me. Yeah, well im no kid and i dont like you, and i sure as hell dont want to get to know you . Okay, i guess were off on the wrong foot. I hate when that happens. Why dont we start over . Hi, my names macgyver. And im going to be on you like green on grass till booker gets out of that council meeting. Put on your seat belt. cheers and applause stephen you guys make a bomb out of bailing wire and toothpaste piet end of it, right . That was when only roles available were the angry black guy. I was thug number three on that series. Stephen you were . Yeah. And then whats so funny is they liked that episode so much, they brought me back as billy colton, bounty hunter. Stephen oh, okay. So if you see the series, its two completely different characters, none connected at all. Stephen thug three doesnt get his bleep together and bake bounty hunter. No, hey, they all look alike. You may as well put him in the other role. Stephen on that happy note, thank you so much. Cuba gooding jr. , everybody. Well be right back with Rupert Friend. Everybody plays a fool no exception to the rule to get your opinions. But d bark you wanna check it out . bark the cruze has apple carplay compatibility. So when you plug your iphone in, some of your favorite apps show up. bark plenty of space for all of mias friends. Or not. Gotta go current qualified lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this firstever cruze hatchback. Plus, find your tag and get an additional 500 lease cash on select chevy vehicles. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. 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My next guest tonight is an Emmy Awardnominated actor who is returning for homelands sixth season this sunday. Please welcome, Rupert Friend applause stephen welcome. Thank you. Stephen nice to meet you. Before you have even spoken yet so the people out there who cant tell who dont know, which i have learned, i may be naive. You did not know you were english. You play an american in homeland, and i totally bought it. You, andrew garfield. I believe all of you people when you come over here and steal our jobs. laughter trump should build a wall in the atlantic and make england pay for it. Do you feel bad taking american actor jobs at all, Rupert Friend . Um, no. But, um i dont think weve taken all of them. Weve done our best to be fair and, you know, make it mertocrattic is it funny when i talk in an english accent. Stephen it sure is. Im used to seeing you kill people or almost get killed season after season. So you just standing there and looking healthy is actually very weird for me to see. My wife just said, i havent seen you look this kempt for months, because ive been playing a disheveled version of the character. Stephen for those of you who watch homeland, like i do, the new season starts this sunday night. And. cheers and applause at the end, your character, peter, at the end of last season. Yup. Stephen was essentially dead. Well, hed been, by my count, shot, stabbed, had septicemia, been gassed, been put into a coma, woken up from the coma, and then had a stroke. Sp he tried to drown himself in the middle. So he was he was doing well. Stephen he was having he was vague bad day. He was having a bad day. Stephen and so for just a little spoiler alert, youre here, so youre not dead in the new season. But you dont you dontue dont look and you dont feel that good. Thats an understatement, yeah, yeah. Hes not in a great way. And it was one of the interesting conversations when they found me and said, are you coming back . Youre going to be completely different. We dont know how. We dont know quite what youre doing. You cant really do anything, but youre incredibly capable. Youre very laughter . Stephen youre a capable person who is suddenly unable to do the things he always could. Except you sort of still can. Youre just like the old quinn but nothing at all like that. laughter . Stephen im confused. But so is carrie, as we can see in this clip. Jim. The hardest time when you cant go on one more second. Thats when you have to keep trying because thats when breakthroughs happen. bleep bleep . I know you want to get out of here, but youre not ready yet. Will you just stop youre being like a dog listen, just stay with it. You will improve. I just said stop im not get anything better cant you get that through your bleep skull let me go. Let me go. cheers and applause i havent seen that. Stephen you havent seen that . You hadnt seen that . No. Stephen its a great series. You should watch it. Its really it will really hook you. Have you watched the previous seasons . No. Stephen some actors dont like to watch themselves at all. You havent watched it . No. Stephen im not joking. You really should. Why dont you why dont you want to watch yourself on screen . Its kind of its a weird, like, outside looking in thing that i find very odd. Stephen have you watched any of your stuff . As little as i can get away with. Stephen so you find out later whether it was any good from other people. Yeah. Stephen or do you even care what people say . Do you ever read reviews or anything like that . Not really, no. Its quite selfish pursuit. Its like imaginary or something. Its a very yeah, its a selfish pursuit. Stephen is that to keep yourself from being hurt in case its not as good as you want or Something Like that . No, i think it is to try to preserve the yesterday pure suspension of disbelief. So that there is no correlation to any other world than the except for the one that im pretending to be in, if that makes sense. Stephen wow. I do that by reading lord of the rings. But i understand you grew up in oxford shirr. I used to drink in the inkling pub. Its like, c. S. Lewis, tol kin, they had a club, a writers and poets club. You drank in that pub . Yes. Stephen i hate you. We can go. Stephen is it like hobbit country around there. Yes, we young people who grew up there referred to it as the shire. It was pubs with tankards and snuff and grumpy bar men and dogs and eggs pickled in jars on the bar counter you lost me there. I heard you talking about flats. You cant say flats. Did you see tidally i said twig n berries. Kick them in the twig n berries. Yeah, thats very hobbity. Stephen thats hobbity. Tolkin rarely talks about genitalia. Ive read everything. Exactly. Now, i also want to say please say hello to your wife. This is your lovely wife. She is a paralympickian, aimee mullins. We had her on the old show, the colbert report and we had a lovely time talking to her. She said. Stephen what did she say . She said you got a bit gooey. Stephen what does that mean . Like fell into her eyes a little bit, and had to sort of stop the show this is true and restart the show and say, sorry, guys, were going to retape that bit. And basically blushed bright red and had to, you know, be touched up and makeup. laughter stephen heres a fun thing, heres a fun thing funny ancillary to that story my wife doesnt know that story. She does now. Stephen thank you so much. The new season of homeland premieres this sunday on showtime. Rupert friend, everybody. Well be right back with comedian gary gulman. Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. band playing the fastest way to ruin pancakes. Thats why dennys uses fresh, never frozen blackberries that are fresh. And never frozen. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Welcome back to the late show. My next guest is a regular at the comedy cellar here in new york. Please welcome gary gulman applause thank you so much. You sound great. Its good to be here. Im vlg a good kay. Yesterday, of tough. I slept too late. I slept all i know is that i woke up and i was immediately praying, please be a. M. Please be a. M laughter i turned over my phone. It was 1 52 p. M. 1 52 p. M. Spp youre thinking you must have gone to bed really late. 11 00. I slept through an entire m. laughter by the way, i woke up at 1 52 p. M. I didnt get up at 1 52 p. M. When did waking up and getting up become two separate negotiations . laughter successful people have no idea what im talking about. They wake up, they get up, they start dominating the world. Everybody else, theres promises and compromises and bargains. laughter the other the other day i said to myself i couldnt believe it i said, gar im very gentle with myself. I said, gar, just brush your top teeth. laughter i had to do laundry. That kept me in bed. I didnt want to do the laundry. And i just uck. You have to separate it and put it in the wash. Take it out of the wash. Put it in the dryer, and wait for an angry neighbor to take it out for you. Then youve got to put it into the laundry bag and dump it on the bed and sleep i set goals and i achieve them. The thing that gets me through, though, is donuts and ice cream. I love ice cream, but i have this thing where i have to eye dont want to eat the entire pint, so i say just eat half the pint. But then when i get halfway through, i have this compulsion where i need to leave a flat surface. laughter applause who who am i leaving the flat surface for the day crew . laughter theyll come in and be outraged by all the crags and crannies in this . laughter but i find myself eating it flat. Y eat more, and then ill come across a chocolate chunk, and ill have to excavate that. laughter applause and then theres a pothole, i gotta smooth that over. Im doing all this ice cream masonry work, and then it starts to melt around the edges. And thats delicious, so i have to eat that. Before i know it, ive hit bottom. Literally and figuratively ive hit bottom. And i finish the ice cream, and i put the fork down. laughter i more often than not, i use a fork to eat ice cream. And if you eat ice cream with a fork, i know you so well. laughter i know you so well. Because my policy is im not washing a spoon until im all out of forks. laughter and people say, why dont you just wash a spoon . Why dont i shower . laughter applause fork prints in ice cream, oh if i see a fork print, i know your world fork prints in ice cream are evidence of a life in chaos. Chaos. If i see fork prints in your ice cream, i dont need to see your kitchen. I know the dishes are piled so high, you cant refill the brita. Not that i should refill the brita. I havent changed the filter in four years. laughter i dont need to go in your bedroom. I know theres no top sheet on your bed. The top sheet is takd up over the window as a curtain. laughter i dont need to go into your bathroom. I know that the new roll of toilet paper is resting on the empty spool. laughter applause its the only household chore i can do while sitting on the toilet. And im like, phew not today. Not today. I dont have the strength to squeeze that spindle and lock it in. Thank you so much, everybody. cheers and applause his netflix special is its about time. Gary gulman, everybody well be right back. ,,,,,, late show. Join us next week when ill be talking to sarah paulson, billy eichner, and jim gaffigan james corden is next. Have a great weekend captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout what youre going through itll be starlight its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from appaloosa, georgia, give it up for your