Republicans have a simple agenda for america lower taxes, closed borders, and raw dogging. No protection at all. Republicans arent afraid to take a stand for a strog military, protecting the second amendment, and barebacking. And why are republicans so passionate about banning the love glove . cause it feels good. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Stop gun plus, stephen welcomes Julia Louisdreyfus and musical guest hozier. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen thank you very much. Thank you very much. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] today marks the 80th anniversary of dday, or as they call it in chicago, daaaaa day. [laughter] dday, of course, the turning point in defeating the nazis the original nazis, not the gritty reboot. To commemorate the sacrifices of world war ii, leaders from all around the world visited normandy today, including President Biden, canadian Prime Minister justin trudeau, and the king of world war ii, tom hanks. [cheering] this is true. This is true. If you whisper the words omaha beach three times into a mirror, hanks appears behind you and makes an amazing and kind of funny speech that makes you proud to be an american. President biden was joined by approximately 150 american veterans, including two dozen who actually fought on dday, the youngest of whom is 96. [cheering] heres President Biden spending time with one of those heroes. Once again, once again, those vets did an Incredible Service to their nation. They made joe biden look young. [applause] thank you the president turned on that classic biden charm, telling one of the veterans, godwilling, well see you at the 110th anniversary. Thats awesome the 80th anniversary is today, and the youngest one of those guys is 96, so by the 110th, theyll be. Thats awesome yeah, yeah. See ya guys there biden invoked the generation that beat fascism in the 40s to beat it again in the 2020s, and the nypd is doing their part. Because now that trump has been convicted of 34 felonies, the nypd is preparing to revoke his license to carry a gun. [cheering] no gun. No gun. Hes gonna have to change one of his signature brags. I could stand in the middle of fifth avenue and shoot somebody and i wouldnt lose any voters. Stephen tell you what. I could still stand in the middle of fifth avenue and, i dunno, give someone a purple nurple . A sack tap . Atomic wedgie . Wouldnt lose a single vote. Not a single vote. Hit em with a rubber band. Wet willie. Ever since he was convicted of again 34 felonies, trump has played the victim. He claims that him paying off a porn star was somehow joe bidens idea. And he was asked about his conviction last night on hannity. People are claiming you want retribution. Would you do that ever . Look, whats happened to me has never happened in this country before. And it has to stop, because wait a minute. I want to hear it again. It has to stop . Well, it does have to stop. I would have every right to go after them. Stephen i would. What they have done is horrible and has to stop. Which is why i can do it, too. As jesus says in the bible, if a man strike you on the cheek, hulk smash. [cheers and applause] he smash. Dont make jesus angry. You wouldnt like it. Id still love you but you wouldnt like me. Jesus said that. Jesus said that. You can look it up. He will still love you. Trump suggested that americans put aside their differences and love one another like they do at that famous pacifist organization, the ufc. You know what, when i watched, it was very some of the fighters, two in particular, hated their opponent. And this went on for months, and the fight was broadcast out and they announced the fight, and the hatred was real. It was the real deal. These people have they have a lot of hatred, and they hated and then the fight ended and they are hugging and kissing in the ring. Theyre down, sitting on the theyre hugging and kissing. Stephen i know it sounds unlikely, but remember what mma stands for. Mwah, mwah, awww. [applause] also, leave it to a guy who bankrupted a casino to not understand how fight promotion works. Get this. A week before the fight, both guys had to meet at the weigh in and i thought, uhoh, theyre gonna kill each other. but they ended up just taking pictures with logan pauls energy drink. Makes your skin hurt. Hannity asked trump about the issue of drugs crossing the southern border, and trump waxed poetic about the dangers of addiction. I say that to people, with your children, they ask me, what do you think, with children, what do you tell them . I say no drugs, no alcohol, i also say no cigarettes. Dont have the cigarettes. Dont have cigarettes. Dont have them. I have friends, they cant stop smoking. Stephen powerful. Powerful words. Reminds me of Nancy Reagans famous psa just say no drugs. No alcohol. Just also say no cigarettes. Dont have the cigarettes. Dont have the cigarettes. Dont have them. I have friends. They cant stop smoking. [applause] trump has been claiming everywhere that joe biden is weaponizing the justice department, turning it into the joestapo. Railroading his opponents on a fascist acela led by commandant choochoossolini of course, that is slightly undercut by the fact that biden does not control the new York State Court system, and that the department of justice is actually presently prosecuting democratic congressman henry cuellar, investigating missouri democrat cori bush, and is presently trying bidens son hunter because he allegedly lied on a gun purchase form when he said he wasnt using drugs. Wait a second. Its against the law to buy guns while using drugs . Okay, so whos gonna arrest florida . [cheers and applause] one big cuff . Plus, if biden was really pulling the strings, maybe he would have stopped the doj from prosecuting new jersey democrat and business bilbo, robert menendez. Senator menendez is currently on trial in new york, where he and his wife, nadine, are accused of accepting gold bars, cash, a mercedes convertible, and mortgage payments in exchange for using political influence to enrich and protect three new jersey businessmen. Now, i know what youre thinking when you hear new jersey businessmen. [laughter] but we actually have a statement from one of these executives. Everybody immediately assumes youre mobbed up. Its a stereotype, and its offensive. [laughter] stephen menendezs Defense Strategy has been to blame his wife, a move known in legal circles as the alito. Menendezs lawyers claim he did not have a key to his wifes locked closet, where investigators discovered envelopes of cash and gold bars, adding, they lived separate lives. Yes, theyre two different people. Its like that old book, men are from mars, women keep a locked closet full of gold. Now, allegedly. Its true, right . You ever read . You ever read that book . Allegedly menendez pressured regulatory officials to stand back after one of his cronies was granted the sole right to certify that meat exported to egypt from the United States conformed to islamic dietary requirements. This whole story will be covered on the new crime drama, halal order shawarma victims unit. Kabob. Stephen all this led one official to call menendez a villain in an egyptian meat controversy. And you do not want to be the villain in an egyptian meat controversy. Or, for that matter, the hero in an egyptian meat controversy. Id just stay clear of controversial meat in general. Now, were learning the fbi got the scoop on the menendezes back in 2019 by spying on them meeting the egyptian businessmen at the mortons steakhouse a few blocks from the white house. A steakhouse is a pretty public place to break the law, but i guess menendez was willing to brisket [mooing] [cheers and applause] i dont know. I dont know why im looking over here. One of menendezs attorneys has claimed there was nothing suspicious about this dinner because the senator was a regular at the steakhouse, going there 250 nights out of the year. 250 nights a year at mortons steakhouse the judge can skip the sentencing, because whats happening to his colon is cruel and unusual punishment. For what its worth, the fbi seemed to enjoy the operation. When a prosecutor asked one of the agents whether they had eaten during the stakeout, she replied, i sure did. It was good, too. The judge then interjected, i hope the f. B. I. Paid for your meal, to which the agent replied oh, yes, sir, they did. The agents got a free meal . I guess thats why its called. A steak out [mooing] [cheers and applause] oh, this is important. If you see people hoarding condoms at the cvs this weekend, these arent just your average condom collectors. Because yesterday, Senate Republicans blocked a bill to protect access to contraception. Senate republicans are hypocrites. How can they pretend to be so puritanical when weve all seen the Mitch Mcconnell sex tape . [cheers and applause] [laughter] youre welcome. Youre welcome. Youre welcome. Blocking federal access to contraception isnt just dumb, its also wildly unpopular. Recent polls say 80 of voters said access to contraception was deeply important to them. The other 20 are your High School Boyfriend who says condoms dont work anyway. And you cant get pregnant in a hot tub. Thats just science. The democrats brought this bill in response to a threat to privacy rights posed by the Supreme Court and to get republicans on the record over contraception. To mark the occasion, the Advocacy Group americans for contraception unveiled a 20foot inflatable iud outside Union Station in d. C. Pretty neat, would have been even cooler if it danced around like those guys at the car wash. Youre going to feel a slight pinch. We got a great show for you tonight yay whoo my guest is Julia Louisdreyfus and then a performance by hozier. But when we come back, meanwhile join us, wont you . Announcer the late show with Stephen Colbert sponsored allstate. Youre in good hands. Ha ha ha. And while were still miles from the lake, im gonna launch this boat right here. See ya. [rusty creak sounds] ahoy [traffic noises] so get allstate, save money on Auto Insurance and be protected from mayhem. Yeah, like me. [son] mom yeah. [son] i fell. Okay theres bandages in the cabinet. [son] im bleeding. Grab two. Sheba. What cats want. Marshalls buyers are detail obsessed perfectionists. Who take quality very seriously. And go to the ends of the earth to hustle the best of the best for you. Yes we get the deals, you get the good stuff. Marshalls. Did you know. 80 of women are struggling with hair damage . Just like i was. Dryness and frizz could be damaged hair that cant retain moisture. New pantene miracle rescue deep conditioner, with firstofitskind melting prov pearls. Locks in moisture to repair 6 months of damage in one wash, without weigh down. Guaranteed or your money back for resilient, healthylooking hair. If you know, you know its pantene. Weve always loved taking care of our home. But last year, grandpa here broke his arm. We realized some Home Maintenance jobs arent worth the risk. Thats when we called leaffilter to protect our gutters. Leaffilters patented Filter Technology keeps debris out of your gutters for good. They gave us a free inspection and we had the System Installed that week. My only regret is not calling them sooner. Now we can focus on what we really enjoy. Join millions of satisfied homeowners. Call 833 leaffilter today or visit leaffilter. Com looking for a reason to try the new 5 meal deal at mcdonalds . Heres one, two, three, four and the price makes 5. Thats everything you get with the new 5 meal deal at mcdonalds. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Give it up for louis cato and the late show band right over there. All right, ladies and gentlemen, folks, you know if you watch this show you know i spend most of my time right over there in the news workshop, sourcing the days finest, most topical story mahogany, rosewood, and ebony, and handcarving it into an elegant giltwood frame then adding tufted foliate upholstery, and a shieldshaped back all supported by tapered carved gilt legs with scrolls, fluting, and ribbon details to create for you the elegant yet timeless 18thcentury louis xvi porters balloon hood chair that is my monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, after fighting over a hammock with a raccoon in a landfill, i grab a rusty hubcap off an abandoned 78 impala and slap it onto some busted ski poles, then park my keister on the tetanusvector peasant stool of news that is my segment. Meanwhile [cheers and applause] stephen right there. Cannot be denied. Unstoppable force, immovable object. Meanwhile, in newborn news, the website babycenter has released their five biggest baby name trends of 2024 so far, with some of the most popular being from movies like dune, with the name chani rising more than 3,300 spots. But there are still surprisingly few babies this year named anusfaced sandworm. Shaihulud. Lisan al ghaib. Meanwhile, goldfish crackers have debuted a new flavor spicy dill pickle. Perfect for anyone saying i love pickles, i just wish they were dustier. Dusty pickle, by the way, that was my stripper name. Old dusty pickle. Meanwhile, the worlds best restaurant awards were handed out last night, and the winner is disfrutar, a fine dining place in barcelona, which was announced during a gala ceremony in las vegas, featuring chefs from around the globe in what is known as the oscars of global fine dinig. It was a wonderful evening until will smith slapped chris rock. I dont know why. I do not know why. Disfrutar is hailed for its imaginative and playful dishes executed with technical mastery, such as the caviarfilled panchino doughnut. Very nice, but here in america, ill have you know we already happen to have a restaurant called doonkeen that stuffs donuts with pumpkin pie filling. [boston accent] the caviar of worcester. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, dr pepper is now as popular as pepsi. [cheers and applause] in a related story, mr. Pibb and rc cola could not be reached for comment after what authorities are calling a grisly murdersuicide. [laughter] meanwhile, theres a new trend in tinsel town, because hot rodent men have become hollywoods sexiest heartthrobs, featuring actors with socalled unusual features, like barry keoghan, kieran culkin, and jeremy allen white. Oh, yes. Yes, yes. Jeremy allen white has such unusual features, like abs where his stomach should be and eyes like bottomless wells of cleansing light. You know, rodent. As for why the rat men are now so hot, trendspotters say that the tennis movie challengers is largely responsible for the new dating trend, thanks to leading stars mike faist and josh oconnor having hot rodent qualities. Explains the movies full title challengers of traditional societal beauty standards. Jk, these guys are hot as hell and this trend is totally manufactured. Also, wheres the threesome . We were promised a threesome wheres the threesome . Wheres the. Meanwhile, dominos says its using ai to make pizzas before people order them. Just like the plot of my favorite scifi movie, pienority report. According to dominos ceo, we make pizzas before people order them. You start your order online and at some point, our algorithm figures out youre ready to order and we start making them. The algorithm is so powerful that now Dominos Pizza tracker also tells you the exact date and time of your death. Well be right back with Julia Louisdreyfus have you all here as our summer interns. As i like to say, dunkinterns. You love saying that. Affleck and damon, the dunkings are not here this summer is all about big dunkin iced energy. B d i e what does that big dunkin iced button do . I wouldnt lets see. Are those your car keys . We tried to program it to bring me a dunkin iced every time you push the button. Grab him . Get that away from me again. Thank you. A lot of surprises. Lets put a dunkin iced in every hand this summer dunkin iced type 2 diabetes . Discover the ozempic® trizone. I got the power of 3. I lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. In studies, the majority of people reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. Im under 7. Ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as stroke, heart attack, or death in adults also with known heart disease. Im lowering my risk. Adults lost up to 14 pounds. I lost some weight. Ozempic® isnt for people with type 1 diabetes. Dont share needles or pens, or reuse needles. Dont take ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. Stop ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. Serious side effects may include pancreatitis. Gallbladder problems may occur. Tell your provider about vision problems or changes. Taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. Side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. Living with type 2 diabetes . Ask about the power of 3 with ozempic®. Hey, come on, come on do what you want get into an audi and go your own way. Find your way to exceptional offers during the summer of audi sales event at you local audi dealer. ladies night by kool the gang get your grills out this summer with pepsi, the official beverage of girlls night out. [cheers and applause] stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to the late show. Folks, my guest tonight is a delightful actress who holds the record for the most emmys won by an actress in a single role. You know her from seinfeld, the new adventures of old christine, and veep. She now stars in the film tuesday. Please welcome a national treasure, Julia Louisdreyfus. [cheers and applause] [cheering] julia thank you. [cheering] thank you, guys. You can take a nap. Stephen a short one. Lovely to see you again. Julia hello its lovely to be here, it is in fact. I adore you so im happy to be here. Stephen i adore you, too. Im very lucky to be your friend and its nice to see your creative friends do things theyve never done before. One of the things i admire about you is you are always challenging yourself with new things including your very popular podcast wiser than me which i will have america notice won the 2024 webby for podcast of the year. [cheers and applause] come on. You made it. Julia i made it. I hit the big time. Stephen like all webby acceptance speeches, they can only be five words. Would you mind sharing with the people what the acceptance speech was. A julia are we on cbs . Stephen its cool. Julia listen to old ladies mother [bleep]. Stephen im not smart part of that will be bleeped but a little bit of it. That last word is one word . Julia 100 . And its plural. Take that to your grammar class. Stephen ready to get the idea for the series . Why did you want to do it . Julia i got the idea because i saw this extraordinary documentary on jane fonda. Did you see that . I was really blown away by it, the scope of her life and her experience and the variety of things that she had done. And it got me thinking wow, you know, we never hear from old women. We dont. We hear from old men. Sorry, we do. And but we dont really hear from old women and their wisdom. And i thought, i need to hear from old women. [applause] i personally do. And so that is the conceit for these conversations. I sit at the feet of these wise older women and i get their insight, their wisdom from the front lines of life. Stephen and any wisdom thats stuck with you . How have you been enwisened . Julia oh, god, how long is this show . I mean, for real. For example, ruth reichel said you need to keep trying things that scare you, which was particularly amazing because doing the podcast scared the hell out of me and i took that to heart. And i mean, we recently had Julie Andrews on. Stephen dame Julie Andrews. Julia pardon me. I didnt say dame. Stephen what a delightful person to talk to. Julia indeed. Stephen so now you are a podcast host. You interview people for one of your jobs, but youre also guest, like there is you right there. Julia look at it. You want me to interview now . Stephen or you could just do the show. If you wanted to, you could do the show and i would just take a brief nap. That would be just lovely. Julia no, no. Stephen what do you like more . Being over there or being the interviewer . Julia i like it here. Stephen why . I used two like it over there. Julia its not that i dont like what im doing, but its the specific subject matter that intrigues me. But really im an actor and thats my first love, first and foremost. Like, i love it. I do. Stephen point the camera at me. Julia at me [laughs] stephen we are going to take a quick break here, but well be right back with more Julia Louisdreyfus, everybody. [cheers and applause] homequote explorer lets you easily compare Coverage Options so you dont end up overpaying. Good, because weve spent a lot on this kitchen. Oh, yeah, really high end stuff. Sorry, thats our ghost. Hes more annoying than anything. Oh, a decal that says kitchen. Good, i forgot where i was for a second. heartburn makes you queasy . Get fast relief with new tums upset stomach nausea support, and love food back. your wyndham is waiting. Whether its for the bucket lists. The free breakfasts and wifi. Or the. Romantic getaways . With 24 trusted brands by wyndham to choose from. Your wyndham is waiting. Get the lowest price at wyndhamhotels. Com im gonna hold you forever. Ill be there. You dont. You dont have to worry. Looking for a reason to try the new 5 meal deal at mcdonalds . Heres one, two, three, four and the price makes 5. Thats everything you get with the new 5 meal deal at mcdonalds. [cheers and applause] stephen hey, thats Julia Louisdreyfus right there. Im Stephen Colbert and this is the late show. One of the strengths about our friendship is my jealousy of your talent. Julia perfect. Thats just the way i like to have my friends feel. Stephen just a little angry at you all the time. Because not only, are you just a worldclass comedic talent but youre a brilliant dramatic actress, which you are doing more and more of these days including the new film tuesday which is a beautiful but heartbreaking story. Tell the folks what tuesday is about. Julia well, tuesday is a film that is a a24 film i made a couple years back and i play woman named zora who has a teenage daughter who is terminally ill. And death comes to their house in the form of a macaw. I know you think its funny, but it actually is extraordinary. Its like an adult fairy tale magical realism. And it is from that point they journey. And negotiate and come to terms with her situation, her daughters situation, with the help of death, believe it or not. And i know that sounds bizarre cause it is. But its a very its fantastical and its got gorgeous animation and an extraordinary firsttime director, daina oniunaspusic. Wonderful woman, great actor Lola Petticrew plays my daughter. I highly recommend it. Its definitely not like anything ive done before. Stephen we have a clip here. We have a clip here where youre talking to her daughter, who is named tuesday. Nickname tuesday. What ive seen it. Ive almost recovered. What do you think people need to know . Julia well, in this scene that youre about to see, my character has come to a realization about how she needs to pivot her parenting of her own daughter during this part of her life. Stephen jim. I dont know what i am without you. Who i a without you. I dont know what the world is without you in it. I have absolutely no idea. And because of that, i think i dont know. I was scared. I was fighting for my own life. But i love you so much more than me. And this is your life. And from now on, um, were going to do whats best for you. [cheers and applause] stephen its a brilliant performance. Im just curious as someone who spent their life just knocking it out of the park with comedy, are there similar muscles for what youre doing here . Tell me. Whats your process here as opposed to the work youve done most of your career . Julia well, to tell you the truth, at the risk of sounding really actory, there is comedy and drama are very much the same in the sense that you really have to come at the work from a truthful place. I guess, of course, tone can be different but if the work youre doing is grounded in honesty, in a real kernel of truth, its the same. And i think, you know, you cant fake comedy. In my view, you cant fake it. Stephen you know if its working, the audience makes a sound out of their mouth. Julia wait, that was it that was it right there. Stephen but with drama. Julia with drama, i think theres a little more wiggle room. However, however thats just my personal opinion. But i do believe that there are, its very similar. I just went to i found things about this character and this experience this woman was going through. And i found a way to find my way into it. I dont know. That sounds like ive gone insane probably. Stephen no, not at all. Not at all. The film deals with so many deep emotions. Grief, death, losing a child. Julia acceptance. Stephen acceptance of grief and acceptance of loss, which is the only way to get through grief is through acceptance. Denial is a deadend. What is it like as a performer . It must be exhausting to do this. How did the director, for lack of a better word, protect you or give you the space that you needed to do this work . Julia well, shes a very tenderhearted person and sensitive, daina is, our director. And so she worked hard to make sure that she was respectful, it was a very quiet set. It was a very reduced set. Not a lot of crew on set. And we just worked hard to get to that brutally difficult place. There are a number of scenes that are rough. But i think we did it. And it took a few days to recover. I had to call home a lot. Stephen oh, thats lovely. Julia i was on location. We were shooting it in london, and so i was on my own. Stephen calling home to brad or your kids . Julia everybody. Stephen oh, everybody who would pick up. Julia please somebody answer the phone. Stephen as you said death comes in the form of this bird. If you met death, what would you want to ask death . Julia well, first of all, i would ask if maybe it could come back another time. [applause] stephen a little busy right now. Julia its just not super convenient. But then i guess id want to know if there was, like, a good place to eat. [laughter] stephen are there snacks . Julia exactly. What would you ask death . Stephen oh, i actually had a dream where i died and im in the afterlife. Its not kind of like heaven, its just the afterlife. It was like a european beach resort, so not that nice. You know what i mean . Like a lot of rocky shores and a lot of striped awnings. I just remember, going, is there diet coke . And there wasnt. And there wasnt. Julia so you were in hell. You were in hell. Stephen or purgatory at least. We have to take a quick break. But dont go anywhere. Well be back with more Julia Louisdreyfus, everybody. Stick around. [cheers and applause] yourself. With shopify, you can have your inventory, payments, and customers in sync across all the places you sell. Start your journey with a free trial today. Looking for a reason to try the new 5 meal deal at mcdonalds . Heres one, two, three, four and the price makes 5. Thats everything you get with the new 5 meal deal at mcdonalds. At tj maxx, you can afford to turn your closet into a place of endless expression. With the quality, styles, and prices you love. [ growl ] ready for the road trip. Everyone comfortable. Yep, theres plenty of space. Ive even got an extra seat. Wait no, no, no, no, no. [ gasps ] [ indistinct chatter ] [ sigh ] lets just wait them out. The volkswagen atlas with three rows of seating for seven. Everyone wants a ride. [ snoring ] ok, get in. [ speaking minionese ] yippee and see despicable me 4 in theaters july 3rd. Rated pg. Did you know. 80 of women are struggling with hair damage . Just like i was. Dryness and frizz could be damaged hair that cant retain moisture. New pantene miracle rescue deep conditioner, with firstofitskind melting prov pearls. Locks in moisture to repair 6 months of damage in one wash, without weigh down. Guaranteed or your money back for resilient, healthylooking hair. If you know, you know its pantene. Class clowns. Old truck. More memories. Less sugar. Fewer net carbs. Fewer calories. The best things in life start with just the right ingredients. Better starts with breyers carbsmart. The rash on your back, has traveled south to well. Lets just call it south. Thanks to amazon pharmacy, youve avoided the added discomfort of having to pick up your itchy bum cream. In person. Youre so sick, you cant even get up, to throw up. So, you scheduled a virtual visit with amazon one medical. Maybe now you can stop looking at your popcorn bowl, like a toilet bowl. [cheers and applause] stephen hey, everybody. Were back with the star of the new film tuesday, Julia Louisdreyfus. The bird itself, i would imagine for the character its a little unusual to be meeting death. Its a little scary. Julia for my character . Yeah. Its super scary. Stephen have you yourself been scared by animals in the real world . Julia yes, i have been. I had a number of [laughs] altercations with animals. Yes. Years and years and years ago, brad and i were on a boat. Believe it or not, it was like a scientific experiment boat. We were in the bahamas and i was in the water and i was far away from the boat, and we were studying dolphins. All of a sudden brad comes to the bow of the boat and he goes, jules, i dont want you to panic but theres a shark in the water and you need to come back now. And i did. I just found the ladder to the boat and kept my eyes on it and tried not to panic and flail around and swim smoothly to ladder. It was a 13foot bull shark, it was huge. Stephen bull sharks will eat you. Julia correct, correct. Stephen its not like white tip chart or reef shark. They were serious. What was the scientific expedition . Julia [laughs] oh, god. Stephen podcast and scientific expeditions. Julia it was something, the oceanic society, if im remembering correctly. It was quite a while ago. And i gave it as a gift to brad for his birthday and we went. Yeah, so that was cool. Then we had another thing happen. Do we have the time for me to tell it . Stephen always. Julia so this time we were actually in peru in the rainforest. Also another sort of eco type of situation. And oh, boy, we were walking back to our little casita, whatever they were calling it. And it was at night and i felt something on my leg i went oh, my god, what is that . Brad says, oh, its fine. Im sure its nothing. Dont worry about it. God, that really felt can we go back into the room. Were leaving the next day. We go to the bathroom to start to brush our teeth and i swear to the lord jesus, brad is bent over. There is a tarantula this big on the back of his tshirt and i went, oh, my god theres a tarantula on your back he stood up and just goes. And he tore his tshirt in half. He hulked out. Stephen i would rather find a shark on my back. Julia yeah, exactly. Well, maybe. That happened, too. Its endless with me. Stephen yes. But im afraid not with me. Julia [laughs] stephen julia, thank you so much for being here. The film tuesday is in select theaters tomorrow and opens nationwide june 14th. Julia louisdreyfus, everybody a performance by hozier. [cheers and applause] stephen performing his number one single too sweet, ladies and gentlemen, hozier. [cheers and applause] [clapping] it cant be said im an early bird its ten oclock before i say a word baby, i can never tell how do you sleep so well you keep telling me to live right to go to bed before the daylight but then you wake up for the sunrise you know you dont gotta pretend, baby, now and then dont you just wanna wake up dark as a lake smelling like a bonfire lost in a haze if youre drunk on life babe i think its great but while in this world i think ill take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three youre too sweet for me youre too sweet for me i take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three youre too sweet for me youre too sweet for me oohooh, oohooh oohooh, oohooh oohooh, oohooh oohooh, oohooh i aim low i aim true and the grounds where i go i work late where im free from the phone and the job gets done but you worry some, i know but who wants to live forever, babe you treat your mouth as if its heavens gate the rest of you like youre the tsa i wish i could go along, babe dont get me wrong you know youre bright as the morning as soft as the rain pretty as a vine as sweet as a grape if you can sit in a barrel maybe ill wait until that day id rather take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three youre too sweet for me youre too sweet for me i take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three youre too sweet for me youre too sweet for me whoa, ohoh whoa, ohoh whoa, ohoh whoa, ohoh, oh whoa, ohoh, oh whoa, ohoh ohoh whoa, ohoh whoa, ohoh, oh i take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three youre too sweet for me youre too sweet for me [cheers and applause] stephen yeah thank you so much. Thank you so much. Hozier, everybody hes currently on his tour. It is sold out stick around for Taylor Tomlinson good night [cheers and applause]