A lean cuisine frozen dinner. 6. Stephen sorry. Force of habit. Stephen the next miewnt of mountain im going to summit is your rotting corpse. What are we doing . Weve been through so much together. Look, i can put a price on toothpaste. I can put a price on frozen lasagna, but i cant put a pri stephen 48. Lets find out. buzzer oh stephen ill get you, drew carey, you sick bastard ill see you in hell its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes drew carey. And comedian bastian maniscalco. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey, everybody thank you very much. Jon hey cheers and applause . Stephen thanks, everybody. Thanks so much. Chris. Whats up, mark . Welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. With all the excitement of the president ial election, we havent been focusing on what congress has been up to. So let me bring you up to speed nothing. That nothingness now that the Supreme Court is back in session with only eight justices after the passing of antonin scalia. For a record seven months, republicans have refused to even grant a hearing to obamas pick, merrick garland. And even if they did, hed still be a long shot, because now hes got a sevenmonth gap on his resume to explain. Theyve been saying obama shouldnt get to pick because hes a lame duck. We should wait for the next president. But wednesday, ted cruz suggested that the g. O. P. May block pr indefinitely, adding, there is certainly long historical precedent for a Supreme Court with fewer justices. That is true. Just 238 years ago, we had zero justices. applause i mean, weve had its true. Fact check it. You can fact check that. I mean, weve had nine justices for the last 147 years, but ted cruz is in a bad mood, so do government anymore . laughter if no new justices are confirmed, the fact is, the grim reaper will eventually have the majority vote. So to stabilize the court, clearly, we need to appoint Supreme Court justices who live forever, like justice galapagos turtle, justice redwood, and Justice Ruth Bader ginsborg. cheers and applause resistance is futile. Some amazing news from the animal kingdom. Researchers have discovered that the louder a howler monkey is, the smaller its testicles are. And if the testicles are really small, the monkey puts his name on buildings and runs for president. cheers and applause is a sign of small testicles, i just want to say to the researchers, congratulations on this amazing discovery. There is some lesser news, smaller, more fun kind of stories out there, like this one. Russia is preparing for nuclear war. They must have seen the cubs in the world series and realized the end is near. Russian state tv just released fo Nuclear Preparedness drill involving 40 million citizens. Do they know something we dont . Should i spend the weekend making jerky . Because its not just drills. Two weeks ago, st. Petersburg approved a plan to store enough grain to provide bread to each City Resident for 20 days. And theres no better way to reassure the public than with the message, youll be around for almost three weeks. Now, enjoy a hearty bread sandwich by russian tv, evidently, which earlier this month warned citizens that schizophrenics from america are sharpening Nuclear Weapons for moscow. Yeah, were sharpening our nuclear warheads, so in case we lose the launch codes, we can shiv you in the showers with them. And russia isnt just playing defense. They recently unveiled a Nuclear Weapon called the rs28 sarmat rocket, which has the adorable pet name the satan 2. Really, russia . Did you already have a satan 1 . And you couldnt come up with a better name than satan 2 satan harder . Here are some better ones. How about the thunder fister . Or something truly terrifying, the Samsung Galaxy note 7. applause but russia still has time for just discovered a secret nazi military base near the north pole. The outpost was called schatzgraber, which is german for treasure hunter, and not the thing donald trump bragged about. laughter the north pole base was constructed as a weather station which provided such valuable arctic weather reports as it is were freezing our schnitzels off. Fortunately for the allies, the base was abandoned after just one year because the staff was poisoned by eating raw polar bear meat contaminated with roundworms. How many times do i have to say it cook your polar bear meat its not furry sushi. But theres an even bigger revelation ive said it to you many times. But theres an even bigger revelation about the story. That can only mean one thing santa is a secret nazi think about it. Hear me out here. Its possible. Hes named klaus. He wears shiny boots. Need more proof . I dont have any. laughter and i dont want to believe this about my beloved santa, so here to address these allegations is kris kringle himself. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome santa claus. cheers and applause please, right here, santa. Santa, thank you so much. Thank you. But there are some nasty rumors out there that you are secretly a nazi. Can you put our minds at ease . Lies all lies i am the sweet old man you know and love from your childhood. Stephen well, thats what i was hoping to hear. I gotta say, i cant place that accent. What is that . Its a north pole accent. Before being santa is a little hazy. How exactly did you come to live at the north pole . It was in 1946. I come up here for a vacation, and i see all this beautiful land near the pole, and i say, i must annex pole land laughter is there okay, that add up. That as up. Im so relieved, santa. And now every christmas bringing presents for the good children all around the ganse velt santa claus, thank you for being here. Santa claus, everybody. Make America Great again say hi to jon batiste. Weve got drew carey and when we return, i will be buck naked. Stick around. . . . Advil liqui gels work so fast youll ask what bad back . What pulled hammy . Advil liqui gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Whats it gonna be . An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. cheering on tv you may write me down in history, with your bitter, twisted lies. You may trod me in the very dirt, but still like dust, i rise. You can cut me with your lies. You can kill me with your hatefulness. But still, like air. I was out here smoking instead of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. . Oh . . With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of . . I said, its getting hot in herre . . . . cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Those of you watching before the commercial break, i did yell into the camera when we came back from the commercial break i would be buck naked, and that was a typo. I want to apologize. Im actually going to be buck naked on our live Election Night show on showtime, where i legally can be buck naked. Please join us. cheers and applause yeah. Right . But not aroused. Not aroused, but buck naked. laughter those are the rules. Welcome to my world. Jon, i understand you have a very special guest with the band tonight. Im very excited shes here. Tell everybody hois here. Jon yes, indeed, we have the lovely and talented aimee mann. Bless you. Stephen so nice t again. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. Stephen you know im a big fan. And youre doing a sock for the web tonight and its called cant you tell. Yeah. Stephen whats the background of the song . How did the song come about . Its the 30 songs in 30 days. Its A Dave Eggers project, and he had different artists write their version of an antitrump song. Stephen uhhuh. Yeah. And my version is because i like to write introspective viewpoint. Stephen yeah. So its in the first person. And i sort of feel like there was an aspect to trump where he wants to win . But kind of maybe thinks hes running for king rather than president. Like he doesnt really want the job necessarily. Stephen yeah, yeah. So i sort of took that emprisand wrote the . . Song about that. Stephen well, its a beautiful song, and it really gets to the heart of his. Craziness. Stephen madness . About crazy people. laughter all right. Well, folks you know my first guest tonight from the the drew carey show, and whose line is it anyway . 10 years ago this man took over from bob barker as the host of the price is right. Now its celebrating 45 years on the air. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome drew carey. cheers and applause wearing that was some nice physical comedy you can right there. New shoes tonight. And they have a very slippery floor. Stephen mine are rubberized. You almost had a lawsuit on your hand. Stephen do you want to own the building . I wouldnt mind a new landlord. That would be nice. Welcome and congratulations. Youre coming up on your tenth year as host. Stephen extraordinary. Even more congratulations. Congratulations to cleveland because youre mr. Cleveland and theyve had an amazing sports year. Im so happy. This is a good sports year. The caves won the n. B. A. Championship. The indians have a chance to win the world series. I own a soccer team, and they have a chance the game will be over by the time you see this hopefully we have a chance to win the championship. Those three things happens indians champions and the browns. Stephen theyre 07 right now. The browns cannot win any game this year or theyll ruin the whole season for everybody. Stephen have you been watching the series so far . Yeah, yeah, very excite gld this is actually were actually taping this before the game in chicago tonight. Are you going to go to any of the games . If it goes to six and seven i have id rather be here than be at a world series game. Stephen same here, drew. Youre awfully sweet. Yeah. They says, would you rather go to a world series things, this onceinalifetime thing or go to new york and coa promo . I said id rather go to new york. Stephen people at home who are at home and eating dry toast and drinking ginger ale because the morning. Its 11 30 at night. Kids must say i watch you when im home sick from school. Thats when i first saw the price is right. When i was first offered the show i thought that was all that happened. They said do you want to the show . And i said, the old man show that people only watch when theyre sick. No thanks. And i turned them down flat when they asked me. I was doing another night time game show on cbs and after the show got picked up it took having another meeting withhe they explained who is watching it. Its not just sick people. Its stoners. laughter stephen you run the gamut from the sick to the stoned. Exactly. Stephen did you watch it growing up . No, i watched it when i was sick. Stephen i loved the price is right because i knew if i was watching it, that mean mom bought whatever i was selling her, you know. She believe they had didnt feel well. It got to be really popular the show wented to 72 and went when i went to college it started out as an hourlong show and was popular. I used to watch it. I never watched it when i was a kid because i was never around. In college i watched it between classes. A lot of people dont know this, but when i was in college i scheduled one whole season of classes around the gong show. Thats what kind of freak i was. The gong show and daytime game shows were more important for me than going toss i wont go to that one. I guess ill change my major. Stephen you called the price is right a calling marine job. What do you mean a calling . I have said that to people. I feel like everything i have done in my life has prepared me to be the host of the price is right. All my standup experience, all my improv experience, the idea that i hosted another show, you know, whose line is it anyway . , i had hosting experience. And also the fact that i was my 30s makes me appreciate everything im doing. When a game show gives away at night time 100,000, it seems blah have a. And when you give away 2,000 and thats all they win, theyre still excited and im excited for them. I used to be completely broke and i know how valuable 2,000 is. All that stuff prepared me to empathize with people and do a good job as a host. I feel like its a calling. Stephen youre a buddhist, right . Yeah, yeah. Stephen i did not know that producers told me beforehand. How does buddhism help you in your job . Its weird being a buddhism and being host of the price is right because one of the key thungz about buddhism is not have attachments to things or want things. Stephen material possessions. Yes. A lot of times im talk to somebody in the audience and i go, what do you do . And they go, im a minister. And i say you have a nice sermon on the folly of wanting material how much meditation would you put in to achieve this happiness. Stephen well take a break and be back with more can drew carey. Stick around. . . . applause . Lease a 2016 lincoln mkx for 349 a month. Only at your lincoln dealer. . . . . . 23rd times the charm. Shhh. clink boom. Yes 23rd time is the charm, cliff. Yea, you showed me. Yes, you did. shelly thinking this must be how Odell Beckham feels when he scores a game winning touchdown. Touchdown Odell Beckham jr. crowd noise odell thinking this must be how shelly felt when she won that purple bear. . . When you ache and havent slept. Youre not you. Tylenol . Pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. We give you a better night. Youre a better you all day. Tylenol . Habenera from carmen by andre rieu classical rendition habenera from carmen by andre rieu beat rendition habenera from carmen by andre rieu classical rendition habenera from carmen by andre rieu beat rendition habenera from carmen by andre rieu classical rendition rendition when you see beautiful design. Do beautiful work. Yeah stephen aimee m everybody. Were back with drew carey. I have a beef with you. I have a comedy beef with you. Really . Stephen yes. For many years as the people out there know, and cheers and applause as you mentioned before you were the host of whose line is it anyway . I was very happy, very honored that you guys asked me to come on many years ago, like, 200 and and 2000, plaib. You were great by the way. Diimprovisation before then in chicago. I said i just have one request. I just have one request. Please, ill do anything. Dont ask me to rap because, like, white guy rapping, like white guy rapping, i just i cant do it. And i its fun to watch. Stephen it is. Agonizing to do. Fun to watch. And so have a really great time. And the very last thing i did was entire i think we shot two guys or something in one do a rap. Stephen, why dont you get up on stage. And i was like damn it you know, i had nothing to do with that. Thats all Dan Patterson and the production crew. Theyre the ones who did that. Stephen you tell them to go to hell. I will. I think at the end of the show, the band you have a special guest maybe do a rap with the band. Stephen of two of us . If you want me to. Stephen youll bet. Well see if we have time, drew. Give me a beat stephen exactly. Now ive got a couple of questions here. Sure. Stephen because my Graphics Department here oh, yeah. Stephen theyre absolutely addicted. So, theyre addicted because during the day, theyre doing graphics and they have the tv on the in background when theyre supposed to be working. Stephen thats exactly right. Theyre working like they consider you a member of the Graphics Department. Well because youre there every day. I have some rapidfire questions here they need to know because theyre really curious about the price is right. Spinning wheel. How hard is it to spin . Uh, its actually a lot heavier than people think it is because its made out of wood, plywood. If you ever see, like, a really old lady or Something Like that, that distribute have a . . Lot of . Strength theyre almost the perfect spinners if they go first because they can get it around once. Stephen how of how often do you get hurt from enthusiastic hugging . You must get tired of getting picked up. I love it. Only one time, i think the second or third season, a woman kicked me in the nuts. It wasnt a fullon. It was more like a lovetap kind of thing. It was one of those Pay Attention ones you get once in a while. Stephen and the guys and the girls in graphics have a theory about plirchgo. Their theory is if you drop the chip from the dot of the the plinko sign ryou more likely to win 10,000 . My theor seyou should drop it from the from and the dot of the i if youre looking at it is off to the left a little bit so you want to drop it where the break in the n is on the bottom. You want to drop it there. Its in the middle if i was playing pinko, i would crop it there. I wouldnt shove it or spin it. I would thereto drop from the middle. That to me has the best chance of getting the 10,000. Straight for the horse. Straight for the horse. Stephen lastly, we here lover the price is right. We love the price is right theme song. We believe the the price is right theme song can make anything happy. I actually. When get up in the morning, when i brush my teeth and stuff, its playing in my head . Im getting ready for work . Stephen we will prove it can make anything happen pewe will play it over film we have a couple loaded up here. This is the first example of how the price is right theme song can make any moment happy. Jim. . . . Do you want to do one . Is that the only one you have . Stephen no, no, we have another. Would you like to call for one . Whats his name . Jim, put up another one. This is funny. What is it no, not the bees not the bees aaahhh . . . Stephen okay, as long as i got you here, ive got one more, the one ive wanted to see. While but this is my favorite one. This is special to me and i hope you dont mind if we do one more. Nota of at all. Stephen jim . You fools. . . . Stephen wizardry. Well, drew, it was lovely to stephen the price is rightr airs weekdays on the cbs. Television network. Drew carey, everybody well be right back with claire foy and matt smith. . Why get your eyes checked the Old Fashioned way, when lenscrafters can digitally map them for you. Introducing clarifye, . . Thunder . . . Thunder . . . . Thunder . This is my retirement. Retiring retired tires. And i never get tired of it. Are you entirely prepared to retire . Plan your never tiring retiring retired tires retirement with e trade. Im in vests and as a vested investor in vests i invest with e trade, where investors can investigate and invest in vests. Or not in vests. Pphplause welcome back, everybody. My next guests play prince . R philip and Queen Elizabeth ii in the netflix series, the crown. Are you my wife or the queen. My queen commands me. Yes. I beg you make an exception for me. . I . I . . No. . I claire foy. applause . . 5a applause . Stephen welcome. . I . I welcome to the show. Thank you for having us. Stephen now, you play the royals in the crown. Im an . R american. Youre . . British. laughter isnt the royal family just . I a tourist trap at this point . Yes. No. Well, okay right. Royalty, they have lovely, lovely clothes. They live in a lovely big house. Yes. Terribly good manners. Claire. They . . Look quite nice, quite attractive. Stephen they do. Especially young in this series. We dont think we, americans, because, you know, the queen has been how long will she be on stephen how long has she been on the throne. 64 years. Longer than queen victoria. Stephen its hard to imagine her and the prince as young. Was it a famous courtship . Was it followed by paparazzi and that sort of thing . Well, she was 13 bear with me when she met him. Stephen it was a simpler time. It was a simpler time. But yes for . R her, hes . . The oy one. And he was 19 at the time. But they how d well, they were sort of engineered. It was kind of engineered by a guy called lord mount batten who basically wanted phill marry into the royal family. Whats really amazing about them is actually in their day they were such huge celebrities. I mean, tens of thousands would turn up just to see these guys board a train. Stephen they were the brangelina. They were brangelina. Sheeches kim kardashian. One and the same. First part of their marriage together, and elizabeth having to deal with all the drawm of being all the pressures of . R being queen. Is there is there sex in thisi series . laughter itheyre a husband and wife. And do we get to see Queen Elizabeth . I and Prince Philip he sex in the series . laughter do we . Because i understand there is a moment we see phillips. Um bottom. Stephen bottom, exactly. Yes. Stephen for an extended period of time. Yes twice, twice Stephen Stephen twice. Uhhuh. You know, it is the best bit of acting that i do. laughter it truly is. Stephen but how do how does the royal couple make love . Are they just sort of waving across the bedroom to each other . Whats kind of interesting, i think, about the series is its a bit of a history lesson, actually. They slept in separate bedrooms, stephen how did you get Prince Charles if that happened . I dont know. Texting. Stephen did the two of you get to meet the queen and the prince, consult . Not in ive met them. Stephen whats that like . Brief. Brief. Yeah. But sensational. Oh, really, really, a real moment, yes. You line up and someone shouts your name. They go, claire foy, actress. And you are pushed on and you go. And then you leave. Stephen do you i didnt, no. I just went. Stephen is she bigger . Is she smaller than you think . Shes very small. Stephen shes 147 years old now, isnt she . Shes shrinking. Did you have to go to royal classes to, like theres what we think of as people from england, and then theres the royal family, which theyre sort of like the balsamic reduction of english. Do you get taught to be royal . Kind of. Im sounding posh now. Actually, were very common, arent we . We are. Stephen to american ears you i would buy you totally as a member of the royal family. As a chap, called major david, hes on set major david. Is he actually a major. He was. He was a major for the army and worked for the royal house for years. And anything you do, if do you it wrong, high goes, i i think youd pick it up like this, literally to the socks you would wear or what ring you would have, everything. Hes very particular. Stephen before we go, i wonder if you could show me how a member of the royal family would drink would drink tea, . I okay . All right . Claires the queen. Stephen claire, please. So lovely, thank you. I will have some tea. Ell me when i get something wrong. Oh, theres actually tea in it network television. Thats really good. No sugar, thank you. Stephen cream . A little drop, yes. Splash. Thats perfect. Who is having it . Are you having it or am i having it . Oh, thank you. Stephen ill follow you. Show me if i get this right. Do you want one . Ill just watch. Its going terribly well so far. Stephen so far . Right. laughter major . R absolutely not no you can never,heker leave the saucer. You have to yes, thats it. I found this out of out yesterday, i didnt know this laughter applause stephen thank you so much. Thank you so much. Im afraid weve got to go. . R the crown is available november 4 on netflix. Matt smith and claire foy, everybody y stick around. Est fan. Autumn was born on the first day of fall. And from an early age she learned to love the season. Leaf piles and pumpkin pies. Hot apple cider and cozy sweaters. Which brings us to the very moment she fell for fall all over again. Was she expecting to find the perfect designer boots at such an amazing price . No. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. This is pepsi zero sugar. Zero sugar. ooooh zero calories. ooooo but max pepsi taste. wow applause pepsi zero sugar. Enjoy your phone you too. inner monologue all right, be cool. You got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at t. Door its cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data . . . cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. My next guest has had three standup specials on showtime and was just named one of people magazines ones to watch. You get to watch him right now. Please welcome Sebastian Maniscalco before i start, i gota give it up to the crowd waiting in the rain to get in here. Huh cheers and applause i saw some of you pull up in uber. I know thats big. Uber. Uberx. What is that . Its like hitchhiking with your phone. God knows whats going to pull up tonight to pick you up. Some guy in a ford fes festiva. Grocery in the back. Child seat. Loose popcorn. Whats going on back here, guy . You on an errand . laughter uber black. Better car. You ever get in an uberblack car . That guy, he cant stop talking about his candy. laughter as soon as you get in, candy in the back if you want it i got the jolly ranchers. I got suckers iphone 4, 5, 6 charge what . I got crest whitestrip if you want. Its a threeminute ride. laughter its weird. Theyre rating you. Youre rating them. Everyone is on some fake behavior. You feel like youve got to talk to the guy or youre going to get a star. As soon as you get in, how long have you been doing uber . laughter and they never just do uber. They always got some weird side been come on, my friend. I do uber10 hours a week. I got real business. I got discotheque in istanbul. Istanbul do you know when youre going. I got another thing on ubercalled uberkitten. Theyll deliver a cat to your house for one hour. Why would do you that . laughter the house and tell me wife, babe, call uber, get a cat over here. I need something to pet. laughter we trust our phones too much. Can you imagine 30 years ago, a foreign guy pulling up in a black sedan telling you, get in youd be like, get the hell out of here applause can the photo doesnt really look like you, but i think this is it laughter thats technology. Its everywhere web sites. Theres a big web site, airbnb. You can rent out a room in your house. laughter right . Is it worth the extra 100 have some psychotic family show up at your door . Hello i couldnt do this i couldnt have strange people live with me for the weekend. If i did, id have to burn the room they lived in. As soon as they left, i would torch everything torch the mattress. I dont know whats coming out of peoples ears into my . . Tempurepedic. Its weird. Either. I came here to new york city. Theres a couple i know. Theyre like, stay with us we have plenty of room. I am not staying with you. You ever stay with people . They put you in some weird room nobody uses. Single bed star wars sheets. I cant get comfortable. You ever slip into a strange i look to my left, theres a booger wall. Somebody started a booger wall and nothing works in the house the homeowner has to come in before you go to bed. They gotta knock on the door, are you sleeping yet . No, im going to stand. You got a beerg wall here. Did you see that . Hallway. If you flush that, were going to have to evacuate the house . What . In the shower, cold is hot, hot is cold. Were been trying to fix that. After youre done showering, if you could please squeegee squeegee im going to get clean, naked. I gotta search for some weird wand thats been living in your ow wiping shower pelets off the glass as my ass hit the floor you guys were great. applause when cold and flu hold you back try theraflu expressmax, now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. For a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. Whats it gonna be . An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Robert kearney i fought for my country in kosovo and iraq, and ive been a republican all my life. But im the father of three girls. I cant stand hearing donald trump call women pigs, dogs, and bimbos. And i sure dont want my daughters hearing it. I want my girls to grow up proud and strong, in a nation where theyre valued and respected. Donald trumps america is not the country i approve this message. . Dont let the food you eat during the day haunt you at night. Nexium 24hr. Shuts down your stomachs active acid pumps. To stop the burn of frequent heartburn. All day and night. Have we seen them before . applause here were can comedian Sebastian Maniscalco. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me on the couch. Is there thats nice. Youre easy to please. We allowed to you sit down, and youre happy about it. Im telling you, this is my first panel, ever. So thank you for putting me on the couch. Stephen this is your first time sitting down at a talk show . Yeah. Stephen heres my first question for your talk show. Youre from a traditional italian family, right . I am. Stephen how do your parents feel about you goingin risky thing to do with your life. It is risky, but my mother when i was nine came home and said, get dressed in a nice suit. Were going to the mall. I put you into a modeling competition. So im like, what . Shes like, get in the basement. Were going to do a skit. Were going to teach you how to walk down a runway to eye of the tiger. laughter Sylvester Stallone fan . Sure i had the rocky poster and all. Were doing the rehearsals. I had the punches. Doing lapel moves. We go to wood field mall. Stephen oh, yeah, yeah. You know wood field we go to the mall. Queue up the rocky no rocky. I gotta go out, no music. And i still won cheers and applause stephen congratulations. What do you win at nine years old . I won the i dont know what they gave me. I think i just stole the jacket they let me model. Stephen you call yourself the behavioral police. What do you mean by that . Listen, i got i just went over to this couples house, and they asked me to take my shoes off. And i didnt even know the couple nice carpet or something . What is it . Its like, im 43 years old. Go back to where i put them on. laughter right . Once a man loses his shoes, his nights done. So now im Walking Around a strangers house meeting other grown men in their socks. laughter everybodys in, like, a sock circle. One gay came up, he was bare foot. I almost threw up in my mouth. laughter the guy was bare foot. He wanted to talk serious topics. He said, what do you think i said, what do you think about put something socks on . Isis is the least of your concerns stephen did they say why . Did they say why no shoes . They just said, take your shoes off. They had white carpet. Stephen oh, sure. Why you got white carpeting . 2016, still. Stephen those are people without children . They did. They had a kid. Stephen really . Concerned that i was going to traipse in, you know, the whatever. But im like how do you know how clean my socks are . laughter stephen well, thank you so much for being here. cheers and applause tickets to the why would you do that . Tour are available now on sebastianlive. Com, and his special is on showtime. Sebastian maniscalco, everybody well be right back. applause vo 13 yearold sabrina told a School Counselor she was raped by her uncle. Her counselor called sheriff joe arpaios office. Ears, sabrinas uncle continued to rape her and arpaio did nothing. Rapes, assaults, even child molestation, remain uninvestigated, while arpaio focuses on his personal agenda. Arpaio talks tough, but doesnt keep us safe. You think dennys new pancakes are only for breakfast . Well dennys new pancakes dont obey the laws of time. Look at them, they dont even obey the laws of gravity. Dennys allnew fluffier, tastier, better pancakes. Paul babeu is abusive. Physical and sexual abuse at a boarding school. Woman a school that used to be run by pinal county sheriff paul babeu. Disturbing. Man babeus school was unlicensed, abusive, and dangerous. Woman paul babeu exposed in a damning home video. Man congressional candidate not only ran a boarding school rife with abuse, he supported the abusive practices ponsible for the content of this advertising. Late show. Tune in next week when we have mel gibson, michael strahan, and tig notaro. James corden is next. Have a great weekend good night captioning sponsored by cbs