So heres the thing cheers and applause Stephen Larry . Good to see you. This is my show. Why are you doing the monologue . Larry oh. I thought that whoever leaves 11 30 p. M. At Comedy Central just gets the late show. laughter applause i thought thats how it worked. Stephen no. Larry so, anyway. Stephen larry, l no. Larry its because im black, isnt it . Stephen a little bit. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Larry Wilmore chris noth and musical guest sampha, featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now at the ed sullivan theater colbert cheers and applause . Stephen hey hey, everybody . cheers and applause whoo jon batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause hey welcome to the late show thank you so much show, everybody. Im Stephen Colbert. Happy to be here. Please have a seat. Hey, did you all see the big trump speech last night . I havent seen that many angry white people since they cancelled a coldplay concert. The last 24 hours of donald trump has been an emotional roller coaster. For an ally. There are many improvements that could be made that would make both mexico and the United States stronger and keep industry in our hemisphere. Stephen thats not softening. Trump has always called for a wall between the hemispheres and he will make the oceans pay for it. But as soon as he got back on u. S. Soil, he was back to trump classic. A quick warning if you have any small children in the room, please place them in front of you as a human shield. Jim . If these violent offenders cannot be sent home, our Law Enforcement officers have to release them into your communities. audience reacts those released include individuals convicted of killings, sexual assaults, rape, the result will be millions more Illegal Immigrants; thousands of more violent, horrible crimes; and total chaos and lawlessness. Thats whats going to happen, as sure as youre standing there. laughter applause whispers stephen is the bad man gone . laughter jimmy . Do i have time to change my pants . Because i am at code brown right now. Okay. People, we are calling this a speech, but that implies he spoke. He really screamed, so im going to call it a screech. How does he change emotions so quickly . He went from mr. Cool in mexico like, an hour. Im starting to think there might be more than one donald trump my theory trump is actually three oompahloompahs standing in a human pyramid inside his suit. They take turns on who gets to be the head. One of them is reasonable. And two of them really dont like immigrants. It would explain all his policy reversals, and his skin tone. And trump was just Getting Started yelling about foreigners. Most incredibly because, to me, this is unbelievable, we have no idea who these people are, where they come from. I always say trojan horse. Stephen yes, a trojan horse. Or trojan pinata. Theyre a crafty people. You know, theyll make it. It will be festive. Theyll wheel it to the border and well hit it, but instead of candy falling out, it will be Illegal Immigrants candy point is, we cant accept them because they may not accept us. Sometimes it is not going to work out. It is our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us. Stephen yeah, america has the right to choose immigrants who love us. And donald trump knows theyre out there. Them. laughter cheers and applause come on piano riff you know you know thats true so to calm our fears and give us some new ones, trump laid out his tenpoint immigration plan, and he started with the hits. We will build a great wall chanting build the wall and mexico will pay for the wall. Believe me. Hundred percent. They dont know it yet, but theyre going to pay for the wall. Stephen yes, mexico doesnt know it yet, but theyre going to pay for the wall. Hell just sneak it onto the dinner check. as mexican president lets see, we had the potato skins, cheeseburger, two diet cokes, a 50 billion border wall. Was that for the table, right . We all ordered after that, trump made a solemn scream to protect america from these monsters. We will terminate the obama administrations deadly and it is deadly nonenforcement policies that allow thousands of criminal aliens to freely roam our streets, walk around, do whatever they want to do, crime all over the place. Stephen yeah, they walk place. They crime over here, they crime over there, here a crime, there a crime, everywhere a crimecrime. applause there is no other way to say it but trump is ready to make us safe on day one. There are at least two million two mon of our country. Two million people, criminal aliens. audience reacts we will begin moving them out day one, as soon as i take office. Day one, my first hour in office, those people are gone stephen gone a lot of people have said its impossible to deport 11 million Illegal Immigrants, so trumps only going to do 2 million in the first hour. It helps to break down a big task into manageable chunks. Point is, hes going to do it. Because trump is sick and tired of america getting pushed around by those huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Hard to believe with the power we have, hard to believe. Were like the big bully that keeps getting beat up. You ever see that . The big bully that keeps getting beat up. Stephen you know how poor, defenseless bullies are always getting beat up. Remember how bad you felt when that mean karate kid beat the crap out of cobra kai . That movie ended horribly this time, the bullies win. Trump 2016 sweep the leg. cheers and applause no mercy so this is a bad situation, but, dont worry, trump has a loud solution. I call it extreme vetting, right . Extreme vetting. I want extreme. Its going to be so tough, and if somebody comes in, thats fine, but theyre going to be good. Its extreme. Stephen yes, extreme extreme, extreme, extreme vetting. air guitar applause so extreme im talking underwater paperwork, citizenship test on a american ninja warriors course. As always, our extreme vetting will be sponsored by mountain dew baja blast. applause laughter of course Donald Trumps not the only news out there. Turning to the where are they still running for president. Shes been keeping a low profile, and it could be because of the scandals that continue to swirl around the Clinton Foundation the Nonprofit Charity she and bill set up to ensure that future generations would have an ample supply of clinton scandals. The latest is an investigation that found bill clinton used taxpayer cash to supplement the pay of clinton fouation aides, and to buy the groups i. T. Servers . Stop it if your name is clinton, stay away from servers. That goes for hillary upgrading her data storage, or bill talking to the waitress at applebees. Dont do it just go to the kitchen get your own hot wings. applause now, it turns out bill got this money through something called the former president s act, which is like a pension that Congress Passed to maintain the dignitye commandersinchief avoid hard times. Its so important. You dont want some weird old president wandering around your neighborhood, pardoning pigeons for a nickel. Well, it turns out, since bill here you go, give me 5, ill tell you the launch codes. All right. laughter well, it turns out, since bill clinton left office, he has made unprecedented use of the former president s act, requesting the other living former president s. Makes sense. It costs more to run a Global Charity than what george w. Bush was requesting as w. Bush i need 20 for my foundation to buy art supplies so i can continue to paint my toes in the bathtub. But i got to work on my george bush impression. laughter but as bad as this all looks for bill and hillary, anything illegal which, at this point, really should be hillarys campaign slogan. laughter stick around. Well be right back with larry. Wilmore. cheers and applause . For complete protection all day and night make nexium 24hr your 1 choice. . Oh . . With a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of . . I said, its getting hot in herre . So many flavors to love. Limearita. The bold margarita. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of american express. Why be in the kitchen when you can be in the moment . Nd deliver it to your door. So you can enjoy whats important. Discover the wonder of johnsons new extra moisturizing bath routine. With 10x more moisturizer in our wash and an ultrarich cream for 24hour hydration especially on dry skin. Johnsons . For every Little Wonder . Take on any road with intuitive allwheel drive. The nissan rogue, murano and pathfinder. Now get 0 apr for 72 months, . cheers and applause singing mac the knife cheers and applause stephen welcome back hey, everybody my first guest tonight is a please welcome Larry Wilmore cheers and applause . Sorry for that little mishap earlier. Stephen no, happens every night. Its the first time we broadcast it, though. laughter here, man. Thanks for having me. Stephen im going to take a page out of your book. Lets keep it 100. How do you feel about the sudden and unexpected cancellation . How do you feel about that . Are you trying to get me canceled again, stephen . Whats going on . Stephen no, just want you to keep it 100. I will. I am very disappointed. I thought we would be on through the election. You never know whats go happen. Its tough when you do a tv show. Youre thankful to do a tv, but we havent talked to them in a while and youre the only one in a relationship that didnt know it was over. Hows it going, larry . Great you know . laughter so im sad but proud of the work we did. I like to live in the abundance of being grateful for what we had to do and i hope i can do sometime. applause i will say i am very upset they did cancel a brothers show when all the best worst racial stuff started happening. Hillary calls trump a bigot, he calls her a bigot, hes going on his mexican tour, youve got a quarterback that wont stand for the Nation National anthem for e issues. The best race stuff happens when i lose my show. Stephen always the last place you look. Yeah. laughter stephen one of the things i liked from the first moment the show was on the air, i love this shot. I love that map back here. That spoke volumes. Why did you make that chose . Steve bodo who is on the daily show stephen great guy, yeah. People asked me, why is the map upside down . I said i disagree with your if you were out in space, it might not have any orientation. Weve just agreed as a culture to call that a certain way. But if i disagree with your presently its on that and decide to look at the world in any way that i want, then thats what our show is. Our show is were going to look at the world in a different way. Stephen i understand it. What happened to this map . I love this map. I have no idea. Stephen i hope no one storedis would be very upsetting. That makes no sense to me now. Mr. Wilmore, you forgot your map laughter stephen jon stewart was on your last show. Yes. Stephen and he said the show started a conversation. What conversation do you hope you were starting and how do you think the conversation can continue. Jon was great. Stephen not a fan. Larry yeah, i dont want john is great. Stephen super supportive. Larry fustratingly right. Stephen very few times when ive gone to the mat with him about this is not going to work comedically, i cannot say enough words on the number of times he was right and i was wrong. Jon said he wanted to be a show where people could be on that dont get to be on all the time, hear voices that dont get to be jon said, larry, you can go to any problem in the country now and if you scratch it hard enough, it will probably be race, class or gender that will be the issue. I never thought of it that way. He felt it would be nice to do these issues on the show. They were tough issues, but we felt we could do a comedy show talking about the hardest things to talk about in this country. Stephen one of the things you were talking about that i liked on your show is what you larry yes. Stephen explain to people who may not know what the unblackening is. Larry well, that is president obama leaving the white house. The white house is currently being unblackenned. Stephen its still at peak blackening right now. Larry i would call it max blackening at this point. It is maxed out. I told the president make sure he takes the culturally appropriate stuff out of the white house. Do going, cocoa butter, what is this . Get that stuff out. laughter stephen that sounds delicious to me. Yeah, well, it can be. Stephen without going into any details that i dont think are appropriate is that i was lucky enough to be invited to the president s Birthday Party a couple of weeks ago. I guess the brothers invitation got lost in the mail. Stephen one of the things, he looked around the room and said, huh, this is probably as diverse of party that ever had been at the white house. I had to go over to the portrait of mckinley and explain. He looked surprised and shocked. Larry its great when the white people make it a diverse party. Stephen felt that way. Larry but it is one to have the lasting legacies of the president. People ask me what do i think would be the b out of the presidency . I think its obama being the president. When office kid you couldnt even think of a black man being a quarterback. Now to seeing him leading the free world, words cant express it. The fact that kids wont even question that thats an issue. Now it may happen with a woman in the white house. That it wont be an issue that a woman can lead the country. cheers and applause stephen well, that leads me to another subject here, which is that you and i both hosted the white house accordance dinner. Eyes white house correspondents dinner. Yes, when you called president bush your couldnt believe that. I stole it from you so i just wanted to give you props. Stephen you got it, baby, you got it. That is really tough. Yes. Stephen what people dont understand is all they ever see there is 3,000 people in that room. Larry i had news people flipping me off. Stephen no way. Really upset. Stephen he was really up set larry yes. Stephen i really hate that ass bleep Larry Wilmore applause we wont complete that because i said the word separately. Larry stephen, that was my whole joke. I did a joke about obama and drones. Stephen its newt fun night unless you make fun of somebody in the room. Larry i thought it was a roast. Stephen those people have the Nuclear Launch codes but they cant take a bleep joke. Larry yeah cheers and applause stephen i want to rule the world but heaven forbid you should take a poke at me. Larry i dont know. Stephen yeah. Around afterwards. Larry yeah. Stephen you cant leave the room. Its not like there is a limo waiting for you to dive through the window and get away, as much as you want to. laughter larry and because of that type of room you dont know how you did, because there were a number of people that werent too happy with what you did. They dont want to look at you. You dont want to name animals you might have to eat if you live on a farm. They dont want to make eye contact because you might have to then people in your family say, it was great. I dont know if i can trust you. You love me. Gets in the way of a real opinion. Stephen harry, a great actor, a very dignified talented actor. We went to university together. I had not seen larry for 20 years. He was there the day i did it. Up and says, that was really good. I said, its great to see you, i dont think these people liked it. Harry has such a fan tact voice. He leans back and he goes bleep these people. laughter larry he said it there . Stephen he said it there. Larry oh, my god thats fantastic applause stephen so, bleep these people. Larry yes stephen that was good. Larry thats what im talking about. Stephen Larry Wilmore, everybody well be right back with chris noth its the final days of the ford freedom sales event. And the deals just got better. . Im free to do what i want and have a good time. . Just announced 0 financing plus 500 labor day cash across the entire 2016 ford lineup. And specially tagged vehicles smart bonus cash. Freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with fd. Americas bestselling brand. . Im free, baby . Hurry. Get 0 for 72 and 500 labor day cash across the entire ford lineup. Plus specially tagged vehicles get another 1000 . Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. Covergirl has big news for lashes lashblast is our most Award Winning mascara millions of girls, millions of looks billions of beautiful lashes blasted the lashblast collection from easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl this is my retirement. Retiring retired tires. And i never get tired of it. Are you entirely prepared to retire . Plan your never tiring retiring retired tires retirement with e trade. Im in vests and as a vested investor in vests i invest with e trade, where investors can investigate and invest in vests. Or not in vests. . . . cheers and applause stephen hey hey welcome back, everybody my next guest starred in three of tvs bestknown series law and order, sex and the city and the good wife. His new movie is white girl. Please welcome chris noth cheers and applause . You look so damn are you training to be one of the three musketeers . I love the look. Im growing it in between jobs and the longer it gets the more i realize im unemployed. Stephen this is your warning signal . Yes. Stephen if more effort is agent . Is that whats going on . Oh, dear. Stephen you dont like being called a television icon, a very iconic thing to say laughter but you are a very definitive new york actor. Some of the greatest new york tv series. Did you just want to be a new york guy . Is this where you hoped you would be working most of your career . I came to new york and i didnt really understand how i could go to well, at that period, you judded acting in theater and more theater and perhaps someone would see you and you would go to l. A. And maybe do a movie or tv, but you started in new york with sort of the blueprint i had gotten into my head. Stephen youve had an amazing career here. Not everybody gets to do that. L. A. Is always calling. I was a little intimidated with l. A. Im not sure how to deal with it my son goes to school there. You have to have a place in l. A. You like to live and a car you like to drive. Stephen because thats literally where you live. Thats where you live. laughter but im lucky, my whole career was taking place in new york city. Both my parents worked in new york city. Ive come to it as a child. Stephen law and order, what was the law and order you were shooti new york we enjoy now. Let me give you the example of the new york i knew then that couldnt exist now. I can remember walking down eighth avenue which, at that time, you had people coming out of the theater, you had neighborhood stuff going on, you had a lot of the peep shows, you had guys, you know, loose joints i got this, that, watch the cars, all that happening at the same time, and im walking down, people walking in the middle of the street and, as im walking, up to his neck in garbage with a tv he had j lamp post and she was watching johnny carson. Cops were walking by and i was, like, yeah stephen happy days yeah. That was new york. It was room for eccentricity, lets put it that way. Stephen you were also in different kind of new york show, sex and the city. Yes cheers and applause stephen okay. And there are actual buses now that have the sex and the city tour. I just dont understand it. Stephen are you on the sex and the city tour . laughter im wearing a dirty tshirt or something, yeah, its me stephen youre mr. Big. Mr. Big because when the character is introduced the girls say, hes the next big thing, hes going to be the next donald trump. Thats what it says. Believe me. laughter believebelieve me. Stephen i want to ask about your mom, who i know that she passed away this may at the age of 92, and im sorry about that, but she was a real pioneer. First onair female correspondents. Yes. Stephen what was that like having a mom as a reporter . I was so young, and she was doing amazing things. She was a very competitive, ambitious woman, very fierce, and i probably made her life miserable because i just, at that age, didnt give a darn what she you know, what she was doing really. Covering the riots. She was also a very beautiful woman who, after my father died, many men were falling in love with and occasionally we would see them at the house and i would have to weigh in on it. Stephen would she ask your opinion or would you weigh in regardless of what she thought . She would always ask me opinion and i would say, get rid of him laughter stephen did you realize what a not at the time, no. She didnt say she was a pioneer, she was just doing it. At that time, i didnt realize how hard it was for women to be doing a job like that. It wasnt really something that computed to me. I think im very proud of her. applause stephen well, im sorry for your loss, and im happy for now, the film youre doing now is called white girl which is about a totally different type of new york, about a girl who actually gets in trouble by sort of being adventurous in part of the town that shes not from. Right, and i think it reminded me also when i was young before college, i took a year off and came to new york with my then girlfriend, and we moved to a section of brooklyn, and there is that sense when you havent lived in the city of coming to new york and there is thb and that, if you can make it here and find a place to live, no matter where it is, youre just very brave and sometimes reckless, and to get lost in this city, because all of a sudden youre part of something bigger than yourself, and to find a way to live, and i think where this film takes place reminds me a little bit of what sections of manhattan used to be movie like midnight cowboy. Stephen she takes risks and goes places shes never been before and there is a price to pay. Yes. Stephen you play a lawyer who tries to help her. We have a clip. Jim . Whats your relationship . Our relationship . How do you know him . Well, hes my lawyer. And my neighbor. So you just want to help your and watch him go to jail because he cant afford a good lawyer. I want to help. Well, okay. It does make a big difference to the judge when someones there in court and actually cares about the person and is vouching for him, especially if that someone looks like you. applause i continue tell you what happens. Stephen dont tell me what luck with the facial hair and everything like that. Im hoping to cut it off soon. Stephen chris noth, everybody white girl opens tomorrow. Well be right back to talk about North Carolinas private parts. . cheers and applause . With this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. Andard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. . Rockabye michael, your day is through. . . Cause sealys support is perfect for you. . Only the sealy hybrid has Posturepedic Technology to support you where you need it most. Crabfest is on at red lobster so come dive into dishes like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. Or try crab lovers dream with tender snow and king crab legs. Love crab . Then hurry, crabfest ends soon. Well . I love it. This piece is so you. I know, right . I saw it and i was just like oh, i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. State farm knows that every one those moments, theres one of these. Well . I know, right . I saw it and i was just like i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. Thats why were there, with renters insurance, when things go wrong. But also here, with a rewards credit card, to help life go right. cheers and applause . Quick question here anyone here use the bathroom . I dont anymore because im too famous, i dont use it anymore. laughter remember that bill they passed in North Carolina last spring, telling transgender people which bathrooms they couldnt use . Well, last week, a federal judge blocked the university of North Carolina from enforcing that law. So, good news for anybody whos been holding it since march. laughter i applaud the decision, but there is a downside. Put a lot of people out of work. Here to discuss the Economic Impact of this decision, joining us live via satellite, please welcome an outofwork North Carolina junk checker. laughter sir, thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being me. Stephen thank you for talking to us, mr. . Grabbler. Peter grabbler. Stephen well mr. Grabbler, i imagine the ending of the bathroom ban has been a difficult time for your industry. Absolutely. It has ended a way of life. A proud heritage. I come from a long line of junk checkers. My pappy checked peoples junk at public bathrooms. And so did his pappy before him. Stephen but the laws only existed for a few months. Whats your point . Stephen nothing. So they fired you . They did. I tried to make a living as a freelancer, traveling around, opening bathroom stalls at random, yelling what you got down there . and then demanding cash. Stephen and you couldnt drum up much business that way . No, i made tons of cash, but it turns out asking for money to check peoples diddly bits is technically prostitution. Stephen well, you seem well equipped for the job. What do you have in your tool belt, there . Well, i got latex gloves, for obvious reasons, and i got this magnifying glass for when its a cold day. C stephen tongs . What are those for . For makin barbecue. Im from North Carolina. Always got to be ready to barbecue. Also for lifting up the diddly bits. I warm them up beforehand. Stephen good to know. So, now that youre out of work, have you been offered any job retraining . Yes. Ive been able to use my skill set in my new job at a Grocery Store stephen what do you do there . Oh, i inspect the hotdogs and shells, the peaches, the yogurt penises. Stephen yogurt penises . Those long tubes with the yogurt in them. Stephen i think those are called gogurt. Potato, potahto. You know. Oh also those penispotatoes stephen thank you. Junkchecker, peter grabbler, everyone. Well be right back music from sampha. cheers and applause were going to prove just how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. Now were going to show you degree. It wont let you down. Its time for some straight talk. If youve ever been lured in by a low price wireless plan. Then theres not enough highspeed data. Or your bill is packed with overages and mystery fees. Stop falling for it with straight talks unlimited plan, you get americas largest, most dependable 4g lte networks. No contract, no tricks. And five gigs of highspeed data for just fortyfive dollars a month. Its time to ask yourself. Why havent i switched . Get any of the latest lg phones or bring your own phone. Find out more at straighttalkswitch. Com if your sneezes are a force to be reckoned with. You may be muddling through allergies. Try zyrtec . For powerful allergy relief. cheers and applause cheers and applause . I sold everything i had to own a brewery. Stella artois be legacy . Never underestimate the power of energizer. What muscle pain . What headache . What arthritis pain . Advil makes pain a distant memory stronger or longer what pain . Advil. In a world thats trying to turn you into someone new. One hair color wants to help you keep on being you. Nicen easy. Naturallooking color. That even in sunlight, doesnt look like hair color. It just looks like you. Nicen easy color as real as you are. . . . . Only those who dare drive the world forward. Stephen and now, making his solo Network Television debut with the song, blood on cheers and applause band playing . Grey hoodies they cover their heads . I cant see their faces cant see see see see see . They knew me look, sweat on my head . My heart was thumping, drumming . No need . Dont throw the paint on me i see this lake forming . I got lost, astray in this forest, running away . I slip up im on the edge now . They see me and i nearly i nearly lose my grip . But you held on to me and you shake me and tell me that im okay, . I swear they smell the blood on me i hear them coming for me . I swear they smell the blood on me . I hear them coming for me for me . I wake up and the skys blood red . Im still heavy breathing felt so much more than dreaming theyre at the edge of my bed . How did they finally find me . They said . Theres something bleeding in me . Something screaming in me something buried deep beneath . Well i need to need to get away . So i get in steal this get away . And i accelerate and i accelerate . But my gears got stuck im on this road now . Im so alone now swerving out of control now . And i crash the whip and this tree flew through me . Arms out you pull me and wipe my wounds clean, but . I swear they smell the blood on me i hear them coming for me . I swear they smell the blood on me . I hear them coming for me . Ayeoohahohh . I swear they smell the blood on me . I hear them coming for me . I hear them coming for me . I swear they smell the blood on me . I swear they smell the blood on me i hear them coming for me . I swear they smell the blood on me . I hear them coming for me for me cheers and applause process will be out this fall well be right back. We dont agree on everything. But we do agree that an honest days work Representative Kyrsten Sinema knows that. When congress refused to work and pass a budget, she said they shouldnt get a paycheck. Thats just common sense. And thats something we can all agree on. Call Representative Kyrsten Sinema stephen hey, thats it for the late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be anna gunn, john dickerson, and simone yetch. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, danny mcbride, david duchovny, and many olympic heroes. band playing captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh