I came into that apartment in 2016 and it was as the lawsuit describes a complete predators club the $14000000.00 settlement includes plans to improve the campus climate in a statement Dartmouth president Philip Hamlyn expressed gratitude that the women courageously came forward to identify the toxic environment for n.p.r. News I'm Kirk terror in Boston on Asian stock market shares are mostly lower Stevens n.p.r. News in Washington support for n.p.r. Comes from Jane and Gerald catcher supporting the children's movements in Florida dedicated to helping all children enter school with the social emotional and intellectual skills needed to succeed more information is available at Children's Movement Florida dot org And Americans for the Arts. I'll be. Down town on Saturday 28. We will be texting each other granting. E-mail there's no auto correct. I meant to say. I'm Terry Gross we're sad to learn this morning that writer Tony Morrison has died she was our guest several times on fresh air we'll devote our show to those interviews on Friday my guest today is New Yorker staff writer Jia Tolentino she describes her new collection of essays as focusing on what shaped her understanding of herself this country and this era she writes about issues surrounding gender and feminism including sexual harassment she describes growing up in a Southern Baptist megachurch and why she left growing up with the Internet has social media has blurred the line between opinion and action why she left the Peace Corps how she was invited to 46 weddings in a period of just a few years and why she doesn't want to get married in spite of being in a long term monogamous relationship before joining the New Yorker she was deputy editor at the feminist website. Her new book is called Trick mirror reflections on self delusion. No welcome to Fresh Air So you've written about how people express their political views on social media and I'm wondering if you have any reaction to how social media has been playing into the debate about gun legislation on social media after the 2 massacres over the weekend. Well so the Internet has obviously been. An incredible ground for social movements being organized you saw the Parkland kids did it right black lives matter me to etc It's always a starting place it can never be an ending place and I think one of the things that continually frustrates me about you know this is deja vu over and over and over we will have a mass shooting in America and people will get on line and express their very true anguish and people express their anger and their righteousness and this formidable undeniable more moral narratives about how children should not be dying in the us like this and then nothing happens and so the gun control debate is just a continual reminder to me an opinion doesn't necessarily translate to action moral clarity you know these days it means a lot less than I would like it to mean. You know you've written about how sometimes people make a big statement on Twitter and think of that as having taken productive political action and I think maybe sometimes it really is productive political action it could show that there's a groundswell of support or dissent on an issue and that really can register on the people in Congress responsible for the legislation who can initiate change so can you talk about that line between when when registering an opinion can be more of an opinion one when you just kind of feel right just because you've said something yeah I think that opinion just always has to be a step towards action and this is something that obviously as someone whose job is to write down what I think I it's something that I have to remind myself you know it's always got to be a 1st step and I always try to be aware of the way that the Internet can keep us busy figuring out the exactly correct way to explain ourselves while other people are dealing in the things that really drive policies such as donations from the n.r.a. I do think it's kind of interesting that Mitch McConnell. Is now being named on Twitter as Nasser Mitch interesting because he is being singled out through that hashtag and also through the recent Moscow Mitch hash tag because of blocking legislation that would be funding ways to prevent Russia and other foreign powers from hacking and interfering with our election but it's singling him out on social media in a way that I don't think he's been singled out before he's not somebody who is in the public spotlight a lot you don't see him on a lot of the talk shows. Do you find that interesting that he is now a major topic of conversation or you might even say a major target on Twitter now. You know I don't know how much a hash tag is worth compared to you know millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars from the n.r.a. You know I don't I think the Internet has a way of making the representation of something seem equal to if not more important than the thing itself and so it's sort of the signal of our desire for change and for accountability you know it's there it's there in spades it's always there after every you know we've seen this it's heartbreaking we see this happen after every single mass shooting we see these people get called out for for how much what they what they have done in the process to allow this to keep happening and yet there has been this just appalling sort of stand still on action you read a lot about feminism and you write that some people see harsh criticism of women as always sexist. And as an example of that some of the women in the trumpet ministration like Kellyanne Conway former members like Ho picks and Sarah Huckabee Sanders Some of times family like manya and Avant. And you say the legitimate need to defend women from unfair criticism has morphed into an illegitimate need to defend women from criticism categorically So would you apply that to women in the trumpet ministration. This essay where I write about this in the book I came from for a few years I worked in women's media and for a couple of years I was an editor at the feminist site just about and often we would report on something like let's say the inadequacy of the idea of leaning in or you know we would report on business practices by some female entrepreneur are and the immediate response we would get not only not the only response but one we would get consistently every time we did that was is in the job of a feminist to build women up not tear them down and that seem to me to be a misuse of the freedom that I the freedom that we have to be critical and to treat women with respect which means reporting on them like any other human and I started thinking about you know I think over the last 10 years feminism has become very wonderfully so a more mainstream point of view like I think we saw it in the me too movement this idea that women's stories were. Important and to be given credence and to be centered became more of the default which was incredible to see and as feminism has become more mainstream over the last 10 years you know part of that has been we've gotten good you know as a culture in general at sussing out sexism you know we've like when a woman is criticized for being shrill or crazy right we sort of know that those words are code for unlikable because you're a woman and you kind of you spoke for 30 seconds longer than I'd like you to you've gotten great at protecting women against unfair criticism but around a couple of years ago I just started to notice this idea this sort of protective sort of well meaning protective impulse to get twisted and co-opted co-opted and sort of stretched beyond any use or meaning for example when millennia went to go visit the kids at the border wearing that sorry jacket that said I don't care I don't really care do you on the back. You know people very rightfully called her out for that being just an absolutely monstrous thing to do an absolutely monstrous thing to do and then you know the White House and conservative media sort of mounted what would nominally be a feminist defense which as you know a woman has a right to wear whatever she wants don't talk about her looks or her clothing choices and then the discourse got swallowed into you know 3 days of talking about whether or not it was sexist to criticize her clothes the same thing happened when Michele Wolf made that joke about Sarah Huckabee Sanders eyeshadow at the White House Correspondents' Dinner everyone was like Oh no was that I think we saw for you know about a week the news was swallowed with was that joke sexist again all these nominally feminist arguments that ended up in both cases completely redirecting the conversation from the real issues at hand as a feminist writing have you gotten criticized by other feminists Oh of course and that's Ok that's Ok because feminists shouldn't have to have you know I think but if you've been arrested for having the wrong point of view in there for being not a feminist. You know maybe I think that there has been this idea. In feminism you know since the $890.00 s. There's this idea that disagreement will tear the whole ideology down and that idea is there for a reason it's there because you know male power has had such an intense strength on America that I think there's reason to think that the coalition of people that believe that women are equal you know is constantly under threat to the point that we must present a united front but I feel very conscious of you know I I'm 30 I was I feel lucky to have been born at a time when I took it for granted as a kid that I could be what I wanted and I tried to think about what freedoms I have that women 10203040 years older than me didn't when they were my age and one of them is to not be threatened by disagreement and not be threatened by someone thinking that I'm wrong I mean I think that it's another thing that the Internet sort of exacerbates is this idea that disagreement you know that it's really important to have everyone agree with you you know that means something and for me yeah I mean it's I think criticism is a criticism coming from a sincere place is a really important thing if you're just joining us my guest is. She's a staff writer for The New Yorker her new collection of essays is called Trick mirror reflections on self delusion We'll be right back this is Fresh Air. With the 2020 election approaching. From here there and everywhere we take you across the country to explore different issues and understand. N.p.r. News Washington. With Morning Edition from n.p.r. News. 3. This is Fresh Air and if you're just joining us my guest is New Yorker staff writer Geo Tolentino her new collection of essays is called Trick mirror reflections on self delusion you didn't grow up in a community that defined itself around feminism you grew up in a Southern Baptist community that had the Church was on a huge campus it was a mega church so big that you say everyone called it the repaint the gun but we also called it 6 Flags Over Jesus. And you go back to we had lots of names would you describe the church and the campus Yes So my parents are from the Philippines I was born in Canada but when I was ever since I like from age 4 to age 16 I basically spent my entire life within this mega church in Houston Texas Sorry within the school in Houston Texas that's attached to. What by some statistics is the 2nd biggest mega church in the country it's a Southern Baptist place it's you know this massive campus you could as I wrote in the book you could spend your whole life there you know elementary school nursery school through your funeral you know it was it was Houston is so large that this was like a town in itself you know and it was it was a trip the school was the population was extremely white and wealthy which my family was not and I was on scholarship there for about half the time and it was you know it was the kind of place where you know you had a daily Bible class. From 1st grade till senior year you know every I had weekly chapel I got my 1st promise ring you know my true left way it's true love waits you know I'm not going to have sex till marriage fraying when I was in 4th grade and. It was like Christian bodybuilders would come to chapel and rip apart phone books as sort of proof of the righteousness that you could acquire through Jesus. It was a really it was a really intense insular oftentimes dazzlingly beautiful oftentimes terrifying and extremely instructive environment you know my views are not at all conservative and that was all that I experienced for the 1st half of my life you know I'm no longer religious but it was an extremely formative experience for me the church held 6500 people that's really a lot of people were there services televised was a t.v. Church they were televised my pastor the better known pastor in Houston is Joel Osteen who you know runs like wood and you see his books in airports all the time that's not my pastor but it was you know a similar sort of billboards church broadcast on t.v. Every Sunday there were campuses all across Houston tens of thousands of people would pass through every week and Christmas services would be in the Toyota Center which is where the Houston Rockets play basketball you know that sort of scale I wonder what it was like to experience your pastor on a Jumbotron when he went to church. I think if you if you never know anything other than that it takes you a really long time to understand that it's strange you know it took me a long time to understand that it wasn't necessarily an experience that a lot of other people had or really even many other people had. To you know go to chapel services where the lights would be dark and everyone be crying and people we all walk up to the front of the stage and nail arse you know write our sins on a piece of paper and nail it to a cross like there were a lot of things about that environment that it took me maybe till high school to understand that this was sort of unusual. Seeing a pastor on the big screen it seemed entirely normal to me for a long time was the prosperity gospel preached. Yeah so the prosperity gospel was actually that was what that was the 1st thing that you know late middle school early high school started to make me. Discontent with the world around me the Church is when I was in it this was Bush era Houston you know like Enron and Halliburton you know it was an extremely The school was extremely wealthy the church was extremely wealthy you could sit in services and watch them raise millions of dollars with just one ask you know you could watch almost like you know like a fundraiser I'd like a telethon you know they would have markers showing the pledges go up and it was this incredible wealth and the thing that I was attracted to I mean there are things about religion and about Christianity specifically that I still value even though I don't believe in them personally I think that the Bible itself led me to a leftist point of view I would read the Gospels and think this these are books about economic redistribution and helping the hungry in the sick and I really I was I was drawn to that and I was drawn to the sort of purity of devotion that faith contains And then what I would hear in church was much more often the prosperity gospel which is that wealth is almost a sign of divine favor and you know God wants us to be wealthy and God wants us to you know if you're wealthy that means you're blessed and kind of implicitly It means you're worth more to God or to certainly to your country the flipside of that is if you don't have any money than that's also God's will and I found that unbearable and so cruel and that was one of the 1st things that made me think I would be a religious forever even for very long so you eventually left the church or your parents still in the church my parents still go to that church my parents were never my parents were never particularly doctrinaire they never as they certainly don't believe in the prosperity gospel they also never tried to really shape or control what I thought. I feel lucky for that I think it's one of the things that. You know even though every day of a. Walk into an environment that was extremely close started at home I felt free to think and they never they never questioned that and they made sure that I felt that I had that freedom really early and I'm grateful to them for that even though of course I am sure that you don't send your kid to Christian school for 12 years and hope that they'll do what I did which is you know have the New Yorker publish 7000 words about how the church led me to like love doing m.d.m.a. And love rap music which is one of its most lasting legacies for me so you mentioned that in your life there's a connection between religion and certain drugs like mushrooms and m.d.m.a. Also known as ecstasy also known as Molly what makes them similar in your mind. So one tradition within Christianity and within religion in general that I've always been drawn to is the ecstatic tradition right it's this this idea that through attaining an ecstatic state you reach a sort of union with God and I found you know I found traces of that in my mega church we would be in these. 6 feet of stained glass and the lights would be down and everyone would have their hands up in the music would be so loud and I would feel overwhelmed you know and this I'm talking about you know being 887 age 11 age 16 you know completely overwhelmed with a sense of ecstasy a sort of nameless powerful connection with the people around me and with something mysterious beyond me and I I love that feeling and my sort of inherent desire to reach for that feeling persisted long after my actual sense of religion or adherence to it or belief in it belief in God even you know after that went away and there are places you know in Houston I grew up in Houston in the early 2000 and that was a period where Houston rap was a world unto its own and and there were you know I started to access that feeling in different dark rooms with everyone when everyone had their hands up and everyone seemed sort of transported and out of their minds I started I would get that feeling back over and over in college and afterwards just in in these situations that also. That also led to ecstasy you know with that same exact feeling and you know like often with drugs and I feel that essay about my confusion about that you know like I don't know I wrote that I I don't know whether it was because of this ecstatic tendency that I have in me that I believed in God in the 1st place. There's this sort of ecstatic leaning within many of us that manifests in the exact same words the exact same feelings no matter what the source and it's not and that's something that's certainly been true for me for a long time but it is true for a lot of people my guest is New Yorker staff writer Jia Tolentino her new collection of essays is called Trick mirror We'll talk more after a break our linguist Geoff Nunberg will weigh in on the controversy surrounding gender neutral pronouns and Kevin Whitehead will review a new album by jazz composer and pianist of deliberate heem I'm Terry Gross and this is Fresh Air. 'd the new bar Family Foundation supports w.h.y. Wise fresh air and its commitment to sharing ideas and encouraging meaningful conversation support for n.p.r. Comes from this station and from Home Advisor committed to helping homeowners find the right pro for their home projects homeowners can get matched to local pros read reviews and check project cost guides at Home Advisor dot com and from Sierra Nevada Brewing Company family owned operated and argued over since 1900 proud supporter of independent thought whether that's online over the air or in a bottle Morant Sierra Nevada dot com. If you ask 100. 100 answers My name is Aaron Schrank I'm a religion and Diaspora reporter here maybe 200. Communities people who've moved out of their shared country of origin or ancestry but still maintain connections to local bigger activists have been hosting lectures across Southern California Christian churches and Islamic center Armenians the Jewish population Vietnamese Persians Korean Americans this is a gathering of supporters of the. Party. Reporting on these communities helps us understand not only our neighbors but helps us better understand events happening across the world. Can strike a balance between the past and the future to learn Armenian and stay connected to his heritage in a way it's contemporary and relevant 89.3. L.a. News and n.p.r. Covering religion and a marriage. This is Fresh Air I'm Terry Gross let's get back to my interview with New Yorker staff writer Jia Tolentino she has a new book called Trick mirror collecting her essays on issues relating to gender feminism the Internet the beauty industry as well as personal essays on subjects like growing up in a Southern Baptist megachurch you joined the Peace Corps after college and I'm wondering if you joined in part because of your Baptist upbringing and the sense that you grew up with that you want to do good you wanted to be good and you wanted to do good. Yeah I mean I still have that sense but yeah I graduated in 2009 and part of it was you know it was smack in the middle of the recession I was like no one I know has a job I will never be able to do the things that I want to do which is right because I can't afford to move to New York and so I applied to the peace choir and I went to Central Asia and Kurdistan right which is one of the former Soviet republics so you get there you were evacuated 3 times shortly after you got there the government was overthrown 800 people were killed 50500 injured and then there was genocidal violence against the country's population 2000 killed 100000 displaced So you were living in a very tumultuous and dangerous time there and you write that the government seemed enlightened in the sense that the interim president was a woman there were women women in parliament and the constant to Sion ensured equal rights for women unlike our Constitution but you experienced as serious a lack of women's rights in your daily life there and I want you to talk about that a little bit how you felt more vulnerable as a woman. Yeah it was devastating I mean I think of this time in the Peace Corps as the the great failure of my life in a lot of ways because I left after a year partly because I was always in trouble because there were strict safety regulations that I kept breaking but also because I was sexually harassed constantly so Kurdistan and you know it seemed that women were running the place but men were setting the terms and there was incredible you know the women I knew were so strong and they were dealing with you know the domestic violence was endemic and I was harassed constantly and sexual harassment before again I've been conscious of mostly having enough confidence and enough power that whenever I was sexually harassed before and afterwards I would just be like screw you you're a loser you know like anyone that would do that Islam is a loser but you can't think that when you're in the Peace Corps you know why couldn't you get like what you're going to do that in the Peace Corps This year they're you know you're there to say I'm here to serve you you know you're there to say that you're a lot your life is more important than mine at this moment and your happiness and your well being is more important than mine basically and that is how I wanted to live there and I the of those wires got crossed and I just found it impossible to understand what was happening and you know my host father kissed me one day and it was just you know I read you and kissed you it wasn't like a thank you kiss it was like yeah it wasn't just on the cheek or whatever it was you know the yeah that's that would be lovely you know something about that year it was it was devastating I was devastated to have more power than the women around me and I also felt so powerless and I couldn't process it and it was it was tough and it was incredibly instructive and I it was probably the hardest time in my life and I'm also like one of the most important to me I want to get back to the thought you expressed of being an Kurz extend as somebody representing the Peace Corps and thinking I am here to serve you on the other hand the men want to subjugate me and render me powerless so hard to wrap your head around that because you can't honor that right right and you know you're there to live life in a lot of ways on. Curtis terms on the term of your the terms of your local community and I did you know I covered my head I often covered my head I didn't always Kurdistan a sort of a sink radically Muslim post Soviet country. I tried to follow. Customs and you know to the extent that I was able to but there was just a part of it that I you know I could never I could never to subject myself to you I couldn't let these cab drivers take me to their house and put me in a room for 2 hours and talk to me about making me their wife you know I couldn't I did that happen to you oh yeah it happened to a lot of Yeah I mean these are villages where everyone knows everyone and you sort of get around the country by hitchhiking so you'll often like and it is a great sort of central Asian nomadic and like also Muslim tradition to welcome strangers into your home right so like I would I would find myself eating with strangers all the time and be grateful for it right grateful for them opening their house to me as a guest and I you know part of your job is to get to know the community and so. You know so the lines were just so blurry between what was what I should be doing and what was intolerable you know and it with things would flip very quickly and sometimes things would be both very wonderful and very bad at the same time but you know at the same time that I was there to try to be a productive force in the community you know try to sort of put other people's needs above my own it was also incredibly obvious that as an American I did have I had an escape hatch the way that none of the women around me did right I I had all of this sort of lifetime capital and self-determination that many of the men around me didn't have right I had far more economic freedom than them and it was just this very confounding mix of things. So you know gender inequity and you know sexual harassment and assault have been themes in a lot of your writing during the Kavanaugh hearings when he was accused of sexual assault you were thinking about an incident in your life when you were in high school and had a party and you went back to read what you'd written about it in your journal and there was a big difference between how you described it then and how you thought about it now and I'd like you to compare those 2 things for us to tell us about the incident and how you thought about it then versus now. Yes So I think I remember after I wrote this piece I heard from a lot of women who had experienced the same thing I mean you know it was just I had completely forgotten that this had happened until I was watching Kavanagh speak at the hearings because I think a lot of us experience these things that immediately brush them off you know I had been at a party high school gotten drunk the guy who was hosting the party had you know jokingly sort of beg me to talk a man and I was like ha ha so funny you know and I did and he pulled me on him and you know wouldn't let me go and I struggled and then I ran out of the room and I think in my journal I don't have the I don't remember the exact wording but I I was just. I thought it was you know no big deal probably my fault for going to talk him and you know me being stupid him being silly whatever and then I forgot about it for what 15 years and then the Kavanaugh hearing came up and I remember it you know that guy I don't I don't wish him any harm I don't I don't think he has any recollection of that night I don't think he would ever think that that one minute struggle was wrong or damaging you know or bad in any way I don't wish him ill but I don't think that man would be an appropriate Supreme Court justice were you surprised when you read your journal entry from that time. And saw that saw that I had brushed it off again it was my fault you know at that about that specific issue I wasn't surprised because I think so much of the me too movement was watching this incredible deeply painful revision of things that women had brushed off in a professional setting even in a family setting right things that we had thought were completely Ok and then you know we had narrated to ourselves and to our friends as Ok and then later you realize actually it's not what we thought it would be e.g. In Carroll story in New York magazine and so on that issue I wasn't but there have been plenty you know when I was writing my book I went back to my old notebooks and I've kept kept them voluminously since I was a kid and there were things that I you know I had sort of contorted the narrative since those days to give myself one idea of myself and the writing the journals were proof that I was wrong and that I had had been fooling myself a little bit and that's why I'm so. Grateful that I I think it's one of the reasons I write so much is that I will have a record to keep myself from twisting the story later on. You strike me as very bilingual and you have one language for social media and another much more complicated language for your essays can you talk about that a little bit. So that if you yeah if someone were got to go to my Twitter right now like what's wrong with this girl's brain. I don't know I think that these are also things that just have always co-exist co-existed I think that. One of the things that I learned when I was working I worked at smaller blogs before I went to The New Yorker I worked at the small blog called The hair pin and then I worked at jazz a bell where I was an editor and I just learned to throw my voice a little bit. You know if I wanted to write about something silly I would let myself sound silly if I wanted to be profane you know about something I was really mad about I would allow myself to be profane and then if there was something that I felt was very serious I would write the way I felt which was seriously and I think you know I try to interact with Twitter for example one of the ways that I try to make social media. Bearable and sort of non-corrosive are not any more corrosive to my brain than it already has been is to only interact with them when I'm having fun you know and when I start getting a bad feeling I just go away I log off and I think that results in me be tending to be in a little bit of a flippant state of my and you know a silly state of mind when I'm on Twitter and when I'm writing I especially with this book you know these are issues that I wanted to write 10000 words on I wanted to think through very deeply from 10 different angles and there are moments of that same flippancy you know or lightness I think in the book but in general you know it seems like one of the great freedoms of being a writer is being able to you know adapt your tone to the tone of the thing you're writing about and the medium you're writing on and that's something that I try to take advantage of like I'm not going to be on Twitter pretending to like be very serious because that's not that's not how I am I want to thank you so much for talking with us. Thank you so much for having me on. The author of the new collection of trick she's also a staff writer at The New Yorker after a short break. On the controversy surrounding gender neutral pronouns. Point 3. 5 years. Time. And from the pew. Committed to improving public policy invigorating. Information is available at. Closer to the destination. Experience with state rooms and shore excursions in every port Viking cruises dot com. There's a new effort to eliminate the gender bias. In our pronouns universities have encourage students to choose their preferred pronouns newspapers have been changing their style. Writing their ordinances with gender neutral pronouns some recent research from Sweden suggests that using such pronouns can reduce people. But these changes have incited some very vocal opposition Geoff Nunberg. No part of speech gets people. Linguistic history is dotted with eruptions of pronoun rage right now the provocation is the gender neutral pronouns that some non-binary people have asked to be called by so they won't have to be identified as he or she there are several of these in circulation some are new words like z. And Co but some go back a ways in fact people have been proposing new gender neutral pronouns for 150 years though none has ever caught on but the most popular choice and probably the most controversial one is the familiar pronoun that people describe as the singular they you can see why people would pick they in everyday speech we often use that pronoun for a single person though only when the word or phrase it substitutes for its antecedent as it's called doesn't refer to a specific individual so we say somebody lost their wallet or if a student fails they have to retake the course or the person we were referring to May be simply unknown your daughter's cell phone rings at the dinner table you say Tell them you'll call them back male or female one caller several The pronoun they is like what ever that singular they goes back hundreds of years Jane Austen's novels are bristling with sentences like no one can ever be in love more than once in their life but that use of the pronoun fell into disrepute in the 19th century when Graham Marion's condemned it as incorrect and proclaimed that the so-called generic he should be used instead the idea was that when you write every singer has his range the pronoun his refers to both men and women or as they sometimes put it the masculine embraces the feminine. When 2nd wave feminists protested in the 1970 s. That the generic He was sexist they roused a storm of indignation they were accused of emasculating and neutering the language the chairman of the Harvard linguistics department charge that they were suffering from pronoun envy William Saffire warned that to accept the use of they in place of he would be to cave into the radical lib forces of usage permissiveness in retrospect those reactions betrayed the 2 sniffs that the psychologist Cordelia Fine calls delusions of gender The fact is that the pronoun he is never gender neutral if Sting had sung if you love somebody set him free it would have brought only a male to mind but the language required would set them free that gender neutral singular they has history English grammar and gender equity on its side and it's gradually been restored to the written language schoolroom crotchets can be hard to let go of but we've largely levelled the linguistic playing field at least he no longer takes precedence over she but that didn't make any provision for the rainbow of non-binary a non-conforming gender identities that have risen into public awareness in recent years the language still required us to choose between he and she to refer to a specific individual the singular they initially sounded offered here we can say somebody named Sandy was brushing their hair where the pronoun replaces the nonspecific somebody that's been standard colloquial English for centuries but when somebody says just Sandy was brushing their hair you're brought up short your 1st thought is that they must refer to some group of people whose hair Sandy was brushing. But you can make this work if you tweak your internal grammar so that the pronoun they can refer to a specific individual it takes some practice to get the hang of it but the human language processing capacity is more adaptable than people realize even for gazers like me when I read through an article about a non-binary person who uses they them and their is their pronouns the pronouns ultimately sort themselves out in context they're rarely ambiguous no more than any other pronoun Tracy should take better care of themself Kelly hasn't made up their mind yet that new use of they has passed muster with the a.p. Style guide in the American Heritage Dictionary in theory anybody can adopt it whatever their gender identity but will still be using he and she to refer to most individuals who identify as male and female you can introduce new gender neutral terms without driving out the gendered ones sibling has been in the language for more than 50 years but we can still talk about brothers and sisters when someone says Taylor has a lot going for them it's a fair bet that that's the pronoun the tailor prefers to be called by it's not a lot to ask just a small courtesy and sign of respect in fact the accommodations we're being asked to make for non-binary individuals are much less far reaching than the linguistic changes that the feminists called for 50 years ago yet the reactions this time have been even more vehement than they were back then a 5th grade teacher in Florida whose preferred pronouns are they them and their was removed from the classroom when some parents complained about exposing their children to the transgender lifestyle. When the diversity office at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville published a guide to alternative pronouns in 2015 the state legislature promptly defunded the center and barred the university from promoting the use of gender neutral pronouns in the future like the classic episodes of pronoun rage an earlier era as those weren't about pronouns at all Geoff Nunberg is a linguist who teaches at the University of California Berkeley School of Information after we take a short break jazz critic Kevin Whitehead will review a new album by South African composer and pianist Abdul game this is Fresh Air. Loose. That will leave you with more questions. And the people will hear from the director Julius That's coming up on cue from p.r.i. Public Radio International tonight at 11 on 89.3. 0 we put off a stapler. Meet Bob Brando wife Wendy have been listening to Kay p.c.c. For more than 30 years my wife and I don't have children so the question was What happens when we pass on so they joined. Legacy society we made the decision that we want to make our state contribute to organizations that we care about and that k.p.c. Is one of those planning today at p.c.c. Dot org slash legacy this is Fresh Air earlier this year South African composer and pianist of Dooley Abraham once known as Dollar Brand was enlisted into the ranks of. Masters he also has a new album out jazz critic Kevin Whitehead says the new album shows off some of what makes Abdul Ybor him great. A Do what you Bream's the balance the melody voiced by a combination you don't hear much cello and harmonica. At 84 the South African isn't the piano dynamo he used to be. His new album The balance spotlights of a master composer of melodic mood pieces like this oldie written for his wife the singer said Team of the Benjamin song person team. A deliberative with a 7 piece band because. It's occasionally expanded to 8 or 9 pieces dropping in guests like Adam Glass or on chromatic harmonica on the balance the band mostly plays new Abraham tunes that may recall some old ones. Which has a terrific beat inspired by South African street music is a light revamp of his personal standard Jabulani. Noah Jackson is on bass that was him before on cello and will Terrell on drums. Though Abdul Abraham's band is American the players get the South African inflections down maybe from studying his back catalogue of similar records but lively medium sized bands. But where some of those ensembles got a little blurry This one is crisp and. It's for horn players apprenticed in Big Band and blend well in shifting roles the linchpin is saxophonist and flutist Cleve gotten Jr who plays lead Alto with a gospel change. On the one to hear a doula didn't write Skippy by one of the pianos heroes Felonious Monk gotten blows Piccolo like a South African penniless. Ability but he does like the flute in its various forms partly for those happy folk music associations but not just for that. Flute also goes with some of those mood pieces he writes like the long on atmosphere and dream time. When I do either him left South Africa almost 6 decades ago Duke Ellington helped launch his international career fair to say Duke saw something of himself and this percussive pianist whose music mirrors the lives and aspirations of his people who can write a simple powerful tune and who deeply rooted though he is sounds like nobody else as the album the balance reminds us of Julie Abraham is still all of that. Kevin Whitehead writes for point of departure and. He reviewed the balance the new album by pianist of Dooley Abraham tomorrow on Fresh Air My guest will be actor Gina Davis and director Maria guy after becoming frustrated by the lack of opportunities in Hollywood for women in front of and behind the camera they began advocating for gender equality Davis founded the Gina Davis Institute on gender and media. Discrimination against women directors they're both featured in the new documentary this changes everything I hope you'll join us . Executive producer. Of user produced an edited. And. Support for n.p.r. Comes from this station and from the school foundation working with social entrepreneurs innovators and funders to accelerate solutions to the world's most pressing problems both at home. Learn more at. The William and Flora. Committed to supporting ideas and institutions to advance education for all preserve the environment and promote vibrant performing arts more information is available at Hewlett dot org. Hi everybody it's 1059 Q From the c.b.c. Is next here on 89.3 k p c c then it's World News from the b.b.c. And if you're still not N.P.R.'s Morning Edition starts to. My mouth starts asking this passenger a question while my brain is asking me why are you bothering this woman. This is Bruce Lemon host of take the c.c.m. Persons unheard and the best part of this gig is being Squire by all the storytellers all over Southern California what's her last name Deborah she tells me her married name and asked why I turn completely around my driver's seat and look at her face for the 1st time my mind instantly recognizes her features and so I continue with my questions What was your maiden name she freezes and I see recognition across her face I continue your last name was Willie wasn't my doubts of quieted by now and I asked one more question are you my sister group equal amplified That's unheard of. B.c.c. Got Orks last unheard of. This is 89.3 k. P.c.c. Pasadena Los Angeles community service of Pasadena City College rated one of the best community colleges in the nation 3 come do more attests Edina dot edu. Am Sarah McLachlan I'm. On You're listening to q. And you're listening to q. And a you are listening to. Can tell you are in for Tom power you might know the actor Jeff Daniels from movies like Dumb and Dumber or speed newsroom on t.v. But today you'll hear from Jeff Daniels the musician a little later on in the show but 1st in the new movie loose. 2 well meaning white parents adopt a black boy from a war zone in Eritrea they take him to the states transform his life and turn him into this model student but lead ability to him isn't as straightforward as everyone assumes is a thriller about race about privilege and the story's full of these really unsettling turns you'll hear my conversation with the director Julius that and lots more coming up right now on cue. Live from n.p.r. News in Washington I'm Chase Stevens the f.b.i. Is aiding the investigation into the mass shooting the claimed 9 lives in Dayton Ohio Sunday N.P.R.'s Bracken Booker reports that federal authorities say they'll focus on violent ideologies that may have influenced the gunman the f.b.i. Says it's investigating 3 things about the 24 year old gunman what ideologies contributed to the attack if he had help planning it and if anyone knew beforehand the announcement of the F.B.I.'s involvement it came out was before the gunman's family released a statement here's Bill Brooke police chief Doug Doherty reading that family statement to reporters they ask that everyone respect the family's privacy in order to mourn the loss of their son and daughter. And to process the horror of Sunday's events the family adds they were shocked and devastated by the attack which also claimed the life of their daughter Megan Braxton Booker n.p.r. News Dayton Ohio President Trump and 1st lady Malani a plan to travel to Dayton and El Paso Texas on Wednesday Trump is to deliver a message of national unity and healing in the wake of the weekend mass shootings that claimed 31 lives White House officials say the 1st couple will also meet with 1st responders and spend time with survivors critics have accused the president of stoking racial and ethnic tensions through rhetoric echoed by the El Paso mass shooter some Texas Democrats are urging the president not to visit the city on Wednesday federal lawmakers are voicing support for so-called red flag laws that are aimed at keeping guns out of potentially dangerous hands but w u n C's movie reports that North Carolina lawmakers hoping to get one of those laws passed are facing an uphill battle so-called red flag laws allow family members or law enforcement to remove guns from those who pose a danger to themselves or others here in North Carolina a bill has been stuck in committee since last year and needs Republican support to be put. To a vote but so far it only has Democratic support and 80 been Lutie interim president Trump's reelection campaign and the National Republican Party are suing California as Scott Schaper from member station k.q.e.d. Reports the dispute centers on a new law aimed at forcing Trump to release his tax returns the law signed last week by Governor Gavin Newsome requires presidential candidates to release 5 years of personal income taxes if they want to appear on California's presidential primary ballot next March the lawsuit the 2nd one in 2 days filed against the law contends it is quote a naked political attack against the sitting president of the United States an attorney for the president called it flagrantly illegal a similar bill was vetoed 2 years ago by former Governor Jerry Brown who questioned whether it was constitutional for n.p.r. News I'm Scott Shafer in San Francisco You're listening to n.p.r. News.