This looks less like the random attack on members of the public seen 2 years earlier at London Bridge the incident began at fishmongers hall where a criminal justice research group were meeting which the attacker appears to have targeted before being pursued out on to the bridge where he was shot authorities were able to identify him quickly it's understood and that priority since then has been to understand what motivated him whether he had anyone to help and if there is anything that suggests a residual threat there was no advance warning or intelligence of an attack but the details of the man and his posse may well raise questions about whether enough is being done to monitor and understand the risks posed by former prisoners the B.B.C.'s Gordon Corera Police say the 28 year old man killed 2 people and wounded 3 others before being tackled by bystanders and then shot by police there was also a knife attack Friday night in the Netherlands police in The Hague say a man stabbed 3 people in a busy shopping district all 3 were minors who were treated and released from a local hospital the suspect is still at large officials say they don't know yet what prompted the attack a powerful winter storm is heading east from California Steve glacier is a meteorologist with weather nation he says the storm could bring snow ice and flash flooding to a large portion of the country it's pretty far reaching storm ready to go from already pummeled the West with feet of snow and that how Florida that it moves up to I mix into the plains and snow in the upper Midwest and that and by Sunday and into Monday and even into Tuesday off of the New England and northeast coast the weather could be particularly disruptive on Sunday when millions of holiday travelers are heading home a huge petro chemical fire and Porton a Chez Texas that's burned for 2 days is now under control as Houston Public Media is Davis a land reports people are now returning home after evacuation orders for nearby residents were lifted emergency response. Ender's remain on site while they try to fully extinguish the fire and monitor air quality and explosion Wednesday morning at the t.p.c. Group facility brought widespread damage in the surrounding area leaving the doors to homes and businesses blown in and windows shattered 3 people were injured treated and released residents within 4 miles of the plant were told to leave Wednesday afternoon after additional explosions and officials but a curfew in place that night those orders have since been lifted the residents were warned smoke from the fire could irritate sensitive groups because of the explosion is still unknown it's one of several major fires at petro chemical facilities in Texas so far this year I'm Davis landed in Houston this is n.p.r. News. Officials in Albania say the death toll from Tuesday's earthquake is now 49 about 2000 people were injured in the 6.4 magnitude quake at least one person is missing the president of the small South American country of Suriname was convicted and sentenced Friday for murder he is now facing the next 2 decades behind bars N.P.R.'s Philip Reeves reports the case is about what's known by the people of Saudi and I'm of the December killings it concerns the execution of 15 people in a fortress in December 1902 The victims included journalists lawyers and university teaches they were all opponents of Dessie pouts say who seized power in a coup and later became the elected president after trial the drug dog in the decade a court has now sentenced him to 20 years in prison the 74 year old president denied the charges throughout the verdict came through while he was on an official trip to China this isn't his 1st criminal conviction in 1909 a Dutch court sentenced him in absentia to 11 years in prison for cocaine trafficking but Reeves n.p.r. News Peruvian opposition leader Akiko Fujita Mauro is free after spending a year in prison waiting to be tried on corruption charges hundreds of supporters cheered as she walked out of a women's prison Friday night she still faces a trial on charges of money laundering during her 20112016 presidential campaigns for tomorrow is the daughter of former President Alberto Fujimori who is serving a 25 year sentence for human rights abuses and corruption I'm nor Rahm n.p.r. News in Washington support for n.p.r. Comes from n.p.r. Stations other contributors include the Emmy ek c foundation developing solutions to ensure that families and communities have opportunities to create a brighter future for America's youth more information is available at a.t.c. F. Dot org. P.r. Expert this is the mock Radio Hour I met today we have 4 stories navigating childhood surviving loss and during the trials of love and understanding the things that haunt us most Our 1st story comes from to lay a man she told it at the air in Davis Hall in New York City here's to Les I live at the moment. My obsession with brats began when I was 8 years old and I was gifted one for my birthday so brands or dollars. Kind of like Barbies but better they didn't have these unrealistic dimensions instead they stood about 10 inches tall with these huge heads full lips curvy for seek and they had the coolest makeup and also they had these glittery punk rock boot that I loved I knew I was hooked and I wanted more but I could not axe my mom for more because we were homeless we had been homeless for over a year and she had bigger worries like if she had enough money for a train fare or food what borough we would end up sleeping and. If I had clean uniform for school so I knew that if I wanted these dollars I would have to get them myself so in the shelter I started selling paper fans that I made in decorated to the guards for $0.75 and they would give me more money because they saw I was hustling and I would take the money and I'll buy pens pencils loose leaf and candy and sell it to the kids at school for market price. Which I was good at. And I also braided hair in the shelter and when I saved up enough money my mom took me to the big toy store on Times Square when I arrived I ran straight to the brat section searching the shelves for Saussure saw she was the Bratz doll that I really wanted I had read about her in a pamphlet from the previous stall I had got and she was this aspiring business woman and she just seen the coolest and I wanted her and after searching in scanning the shelves and not seeing her x. To cells right if he hadn't more in the back he said Sorry kid she's popular Hine demand all sold out and that day I left with Jade I was disappointed but. I was disappointed but I was still happy to leave going to Brasil. It had been over a year of living and the e.u. Which was short for the emergency assistance unit and me and my mother had been waiting for overnight placement and it was Christmas Eve and I was sitting there and the children scream in making noise and I was so tired I was hungry I had been there since 8 am and it was now going on 8 pm and just also about to turn to complain they called us to the tree ours window for our placement and as we approached the window is the sick glass in between my mother and me and the worker and it kind of reminded me of like a check cashing place or like Koreans Heenan like we were kept away from all things clean and once we received our overnight placement we went back to sit down and then I heard this uproar like this chairing this chancing from the kids in the rooms next door so I peeked my head out the doorway to see what was going on like what was the fuss about and I saw the guards dragging these clear plastic bags down the hall and then I realised that we were going to get donated toys that it was Christmas Eve I had almost forgot see I had been here already I've been here last Christmas and I knew how things went we will all be in one room called one by one to receive a toy sold as the guards are drying in the bags I notice as clear as a untouched unwrapped a brac stall and I knew I just had to have it but I honestly felt like I deserved it I had all A's and B.'s in school I stayed out of trouble I even help my mom full clothes at the laundromat so I knew I had to be 1st in line and when the guards came to my room I jumped up and I said Step right up and I dived dig into those bags you weren't even allowed to do that so you were supposed to just step up get one toy and keep a pusher. But these were the same guards that were by my paper fans and they were cool enough to let me search and as I'm going to the 3rd bag to get in and I filled up outline of that brat saw that box I feel it and I pick it up and there she was Sacher. I held her up like they did some been a lion king I. And hears of joy ran down my cheeks Sasha was wearing this ice blue princess gown with the tiara to match she looked magical like you know Brandi when she started messing the rolling we feature in Whitney Houston and I just felt like I had met a celebrity like I was starstruck like I met Tyra Banks or Raven Samone. Saussure was beautiful she was black and I was black she was gorgeous she she had this long dark brown hair and her clothes were the best out of all the brats and in the pamphlet that she came with they told me things about her like how she was she wanted her own urban clothing line how she wanted to be a music producer she had who parents and her own room and she she just seemed like she had it all and I wanted that I had this carry case where I could keep only one Bratz all in and I always chose to put Sasha and it inside it was blue velvet and a spot just for Saussure and on the other side was her wardrobe were kept or her clothes neatly stacked it was like her room and sometimes I would pretend that it was my room and for a 2nd I felt like the other 3rd graders in my class have a room and oh and a closet full of clothes it was me and sashes world. It had been nearly 2 years of staying in the e.u. 2 years of waiting 2 years of being the knight permanent housing and I was hired. Finally we were moving to a semi permanent placement called the l. It's an inside of the Elater and I had one room and it had a bunk bed I have top Stolz a mini fridge a dresser and a bathroom a lot of the times I sat in the hallway and I would play with other kids when most of the times I played alone with my dolls and next door lived this girl and she always wanted to play with me and my brat stalls but I didn't love her because I saw how she treated her toys and I didn't need her messing up my girls. One day I came home after school and I made only run to the dresser I keep my dollars in as I'm approaching a dresser I noticed that they were all gone Sasha was gone my my breasts were gone I began to panic I felt like someone had stabbed me in a child like pins and needles all through my body and me my mom searched the room looking for the dollar. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed her phone and I found I won one. Eye so. I said Hurry come quick we've been robbed they took everything 110th Morningside after I hung up my mom's looking at me and disbelief like did you just call the cops but in my head I'm like these I'm Our girls are missing like where's the Amber Alert. When the officers arrived I just was standing in their eyes bloodshot gray t. Shirt soaking wet nose dripping and I said it was her I knew she took my breath saw was the girl next door so the start of the investigation. They knocked on the door may question her and she said no that she didn't have my dolls but I knew she had my dolls they said we couldn't help me any further because they didn't have a warrant to search and while officers bent over and said I'm sure they'll turn up they're just dolls just dolls like they were more than just all samee they were my family like especially Sacher she was my mom for old all Mark my writer diamond best friend she was the 1st to know about my crush on Adolphus but in the 3rd grade and how he looked like milk chocolate she also was there with me that night Raw slept in my coat and my shoes and this nasty motel and I hold her hold her tight the whole night she was also there when I wanted to jump into bed with my mom but there wasn't enough space and I would hope I would hold on to her that night before bed I was at the Talk of the top bunk and I kept looking at the dresser and it was empty and I felt empty I went to bed with my pillow away how woke up my pillow way and my mom asks me what I wanted for breakfast but I didn't have appetite Instead I sat in the hallway almost all day in between my door and her door waiting for her to come out waiting to just see if she had my girls in there later that night I got a knock on the door and there she was standing there what I added to what up plastic bag full of my breasts stalls. I don't even have the energy to say me thing I just grabbed the bag and slammed the door and started to spilled on the bed and examined them and they looked like they had been through something awful. They were all undressed and they smelt like chicken grease. So I started to dress them and clothe them and put them back on that dresser and as I was doing so I was holding Sasha and I realized that when they were gone that was the 1st time I actually really felt homeless and having them back I felt like whole again. And. That's when I realized that Sasha was she was there for me these dolls were there for me everyone has someone or something that may get them through the day or even a year and for a mean for 9 year old me it was Sacher it was black plastic professional businesswoman who doubled as a superstar in my eyes and she was a constant reminder that in a world filled with uncertainty there could be a happily ever after thank you thank you walk thank. You I am aware of was 11 years old when her family received from me. She said the 1st month she was so scared someone from the shelter system with common sense and actually made a mistake. Telling I worked with Mark director Jody Powell to craft her story Jodi sat down which led to discuss what it felt like to walk interview on apartment for the 1st time you know I'm curious about why her 1st moment that I was unrecognizable right those are my neighbors to be the front of the building that I enter Yes it was a feeling like when we came into apartment they had read everything so was new paint new everything and I was just like this is our apartment and I have only room but I didn't sleep in my own room for like 3 months because we only had one mattress so me my mom and my little sister slept and one mattress in the living room furniture we had nothing but we were just so happy you know like to just know that we don't have to go back to the shelter anymore that we don't have to you know fight for a good placement to sleep or share a shower with multiple families the stories about the process of being homeless as a child and using your imagination to create your own safe space in. With the dog it was like my time to get away from knowing that I'm a kid in a shelter knowing that every day I walk dragging the case with me right before I go to school I have to give the suitcase back you know full of my clothes and just know you get out of school you have to go sit back in the shelter but knowing that you have your toys card to make you feel like just like a normal you know if you feel normal again so I definitely feel like this story made me realize I was a strong kid a very strong kid and kind of prepare me for the real world for like today and definitely feel like I have a lot more stories that I can bring to life and find a deeper meanings to it. You're welcome. That was still am or talking with. You can find out more about to land on our website the Maya dot org Coming up trying to recapture a moment from the past when on my radio our content. Both Radio Hour is produced by Atlanta Public Media Woods Hole Massachusetts and presented by p r x. How the tradition the big football game. We have one drink too many or somebody has to burn a roll and most importantly the snap judgment Ratatouille special. You will believe we're thankful for this snap judgment storytelling do not miss. Saturday night at 9 a k.t.s. Where news matters. Public radio is supported by sun powered by stellar solar power in homes and businesses for 20 years and voted 1st in the category of best solar power company in the 21000 Union Tribune readers poll learn more at stellar solar dot net If you need a new home for your classic car we got shit T.V.'s will pick it up find top dollar for it and handle the paperwork give p.b.s. a Call at 877 k. P.b.s. Car or donate online at k. P.b.s. Dot car easy dot org This is Katie vs 89.5 San Diego 89 point one lawyer 97.7 Calexico this is the Moth Radio Hour from p.r. X. I'm Matt balls our next story comes from author Nick cash he shared a story and even reproduced a new chapter in my years to cash in my. Heart. In 2010 I get a phone call from my cousin to tell me that my mom has died and it comes as a bit of a shock because 2 weeks ago she had been perfectly healthy and then she got diagnosed with cancer and she passed away quite quickly and grief is a funny thing because we had a very difficult relationship we both loved each other intensely and the only way that we could really show our love for each other was by bickering all the time about really small things. I do what a lot of people do when they're faced with problems and I move to another city I leave London where I've grown up and I moved to Bristol to make new home. London feels dead to me at this point because my mom is no longer there something something has changed something with either with the Mayo with my family and I just can't be here anymore the 1st time I walk into my new house in Bristol the 1st thing I notice is stinks. It been occupied by some hippie students because it's Bristol and so between growing pulses by the kitchen sink and burning incense and lots and lots of cats it smells like it a house that belongs to someone else a definite doesn't smell like my house and I don't feel like I'm at home I'm kind of course in this in-between and mourning for my mom every single day it feels like this heavy thing on top of me and I'm moved cities and I don't know anyone and I just can't wash the cat out the carpet and. I go home to visit my dad it's been a year since my mum died and there's one weekend where I try to visit him and maybe it's maybe it's because I've moved into a new space that I suddenly look at my childhood home with fresh eyes but the moment I walk into my childhood home feels so familiar and yet it feels different because in the years since my mom has died the house is kind of been locked in Stacy this. You know there's still laundry in the basket left over from when she was alive her clothes are still in the clothes still in the laundry basket her handbag is still at the bottom of the stairs. And while it looks like my childhood home it also looks very clean like nothing has been used to feel like a museum like say there was a re creation of our house in the Tate Modern. Which would be a wedding to say. It feels like a museum to how things used to be the kitchen looks unused The only place that kind of has any life is the sort of the lounge area where my dad sets in the sense to Bollywood sounds really loudly. And I got I'm lying on my childhood bed and something feels different this time because when I go up my bedroom was on top of the kitchen and so I grew up with the sound of Bollywood music and I grew up with the sounds of the pressure cooker and I grew up with the smell of onions and cumin and garlic and ginger and chiles in the air you know and my mom was a firm believer in me and my sister removing our school uniforms every time we came home from school because she didn't want our clothes to smell like like the food she was cooking she said don't give the white people I mean Asian just warehouse quiet so and we respect that but I was lying there and everything felt stale it didn't feel like my heart and I'm already feeling unstuck because Bristol doesn't feel like my home and here I am on my childhood bed in my childhood home and this doesn't feel like my home I'm hungry and so I go downstairs. And I look in the fridge and it's empty except for cans of fosters and catch up because my dad is now a singleton and his fridge with reflects. And I open up the freezer hoping for some inspiration and I see some Tupperware boxes of my mom's food in there and I think oh my God Here is my mom's food so I take out a Tupperware box is called Around one which is like this really delicious savory pancake and I put it in the microwave to defrost and I'm standing there waiting for it heat up and something happens to that really stale star our room it starts to smell like my mom's kitchen again the spices I'm making the air come alive and it feels like my heart when I i.e. The hound one is delicious as always was and I think I need to learn how to make this hound Oh I'm disappointed in myself because every year I had years and years of my mom trying to teach me how to cook like when I when I left home she tried to get me to learn how to make basic John I'm a Cylon premier and stuff like that and I just always just like wow I'll just come home and get left I visit before and and she was like no I won't always be around and I was in a dear and I level and I don't know that she was disappointed in that and here I am now reading those decisions I really want to know how to make hound will I remember that my mom told me she got the recipe from Salam r.c. And since my mom's funeral so knowing that my mom's home back is on the ball at the bottom of the stairs are a look through the handbag to find her address book so I confirmed solemn us and say hey celibacy can teach you how to make sound oh. And a find a stack of papers in my mom's hum bag and I open one of them and it's a shopping list you know has things like Weetabix and onions and cumin powder in Chile in cheese and really mundane things that you get for the big shop. But there's something about seeing my mom's 100 thing that makes me crumble makes me feel the heaviness crush me again because seeing that ink on the page in ink came from a pen that was connected to a fingers that was connected to our arm selves arm that was connected to a brain and seeing a 100 thing and smelling the smell of a food still lingering in the air it feels like she's a real person you know when when someone dies a new romanticized and they become the really good things and the really really bad things that used to wind you up and you forget about the really Monday in things like when they were shopping lists or when they're not made hound Oh and I take all of their shopping lists home my friends I get the recipe I want when I get back to Bristol I decide I'm going to do the shop or do my mom's big shop which is silly because we already have cheese and we already have Weetabix but I feel like I need to do this so I go to the shop and I buy all of the things that are on the list making sure I also add in things I need to make hound Oh and I go home and. I'm looking at Salame osses instructions to make her I think God I really wish I knew how to cook. Ok let's do this it just says makes all the stuff up in about I can do that so I get everything out because that's how I I could eat when you don't know how to cook you get everything else you can stare at it. Put everything in a bow and I'm following the instructions very robotically. And the last thing you have to do is temper certain sesame seeds and mustard seeds and cumin seeds together so I could call temper. Then people temper cooking. And. I. For some reason I decided to get a big frying pan out to temper the sesame seeds or mussels using cumin seeds and I put the pan on like the harp and let it do what it's doing I get distracted. Putting the mixture out into into. A baking tray and I don't notice I've been tempering a bit too long and the palace smoking the smoke alarm starts to go off and I panic I don't know what to do I don't want to turn the hub off to why you what do I do so I I grab a tea towel and I'm between the smoke alarm trying to wave the smoke away from the smoke alarm and the hope trying to wave the smoke away from the hob and the tea towel catches fire because I'm in India and now I've got tea towel on fire the smoke alarms going off the palace the smoking is still I'm taking off the hob So I open the back door because that seems like a sensible thing to do I open the back door I throw the tea towel out on to the into the garden I turn off the hub and I take the Palau take the pan off the hog and I run outside and I leave on the ground outside making sure I don't stand on the smouldering tea towel then find another tea towel and I try and wave the smoke away from the smoke alarm and I'm really just a year and a bit grief to sunny crashes over me my mom is gone. She won't be able to show me how to cook this stuff. I can't follow simple recipes. And she's gone and the food is gone. And I'm not sure how I'm going to on a in this new. And sort of sit down on the middle of the kitchen floor and a cry the smoke alarm is still going on. And I look up because there's a smell in the. And somewhere amidst the smell of smoke sesame seeds mustard seeds and cumin seeds there is also the smell of onions and garlic and ginger in Chile and my house smells like my mom's kitchen and for a 2nd just for a 2nd it starts to feel like home. Thank you. Truth lives in Bristol he says when he goes home it still feels like time stopped his father still lives in the memories of when everything was perfect and constantly wants to know what his mother would have enjoyed about today. The cash thinks his mother would be proud that he can now wind up a successful China Misawa a dog barked Roxy and can make it mean Tecla and probably happy that he gave up his band t. Shirts for proper shirts. And. The cash is the author of 3 novels as well as editor of a recent collection of essays about race and immigration entitled The Good immigrant. You can find out more about the cash and find links to his books on our website the ma dot org And while you're there you can check out our pitch line sometimes listening to other people's stories reminds you of your own and if that's the case why not pitch us. When I was 8 years old I decided to try the sport. I was a really athletic kid and evidently as a little girl watching Olympics getting on television I said mommy I have big legs like those girls. So when my parents and I saw a flyer for the all must be skinny we thought hey why not my parents drove me to these early morning practices for a year at which point at the fully mature age of 9 years old I told them I need to move to Milwaukee I can become an alleged exceed my parents said Ok. I really wish I could remember how that conversation down because looking back it was totally bananas for my parents to agree to because seriously let's a 5th grader called. My parents did and I owe them everything because it paid off in 2014 I represented all of you in Sochi Russia as a member of the United States. Whenever somebody finds out that I'm a lesbian they're always super excited and then they always ask did you win a medal when I tell them no they say oh I'm sorry. And I'm always like why I went to the Olympics I'm not sorry but if it makes you feel any better I'm going for the gold in 2018 Remember you can pitch your story at the Masada or just go to our Web site and look for tell a story you'll find directions on how to record it and tips and tricks for how to craft a great pitch that's all on our website the must. Our next story teller Andrew something since this morning fixing computers is afternoons hiking and his evenings telling stories to anyone who was missing he told this one at our open mike story slam at Buzz Feed in Los Angeles with his partner with public radio station and see our guest Here's Andrew live at the money hire about it I Manders. And I'm a nerd. I got a Nexus 5 an i Phone 5 in my pocket right now. I love them both I'm platform agnostic. And. The other day I got asked to participate in a show that a friend of mine does called crapshoot and the idea behind crapshoot is that people just do interesting unusual things and what I did was I got up on stage and I yelled at people for 3 or 4 minutes to back up their Hardress. I'm good at that. Back up your. Hard drives are mortal things. And my least favorite thing to do is to tell somebody they've lost everything my refrigerator is covered with magnets from dead hard drives and every one of those is somebodies baby picture or unfinished script . And now they're on my refrigerator. Anyway I did that and it went well people laughed and. I was in the lobby at the end of the show and this girl came up to me and she started talking to me about Harlan Ellison and I may not know a lot about women but when a woman is talking to me about the man who wrote repent Harlequin said the tick tock man and City On The Edge of Forever which is the best episode of Star Trek ever made. That's a girl I can talk to I. Know. We did talk very seriously very intently for an hour. I'm a big dude I'm heavy. I've been 500 pounds I'm not now and I get it and she had was obviously heavier than she'd ever been and I'm comfortable with that and I'm comfortable with it and not comfortable with it in a lot of different ways and we connected we talked and at one point she said let's get out of here and we went to a party some friends of mine were having and we sat on the couch in the living room there and after about 15 minutes more of really serious conversation she grabbed my head and started kissing me and. Like I said I don't know a lot about women but I read the signs I was . And I invited her back to my park. Was Thank you she came. And we got back there and we had a glass of wine and one thing led to another and we found ourselves in the bedroom and we were lying in bed there and from her side of the bed I hear her say does this mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now. Just kidding I was. And. I was terrified no question about it. But she wasn't kidding and. I was kind of Ok with that I liked her she was interesting we had during the course of the evening become friends on our phones and the next day. I wrote her a message and I said What a wonderful time I'd had and that I hoped we could see each other again and a couple of days later I got a message from her. And it said that she was embarrassed by what had happened that she wasn't usually so impulsive that she thought she might need to get her medication checked and. You know I thought about that that stung a little but I've liked her and I just wanted her to be happy and she wasn't and so I wrote her back and I said look whatever you need to be happy is what I want you to have just know that I found you funny smart charming and beautiful be well become and become to yourself and let others be kind to you it's hard Lord I know it's hard but in the end it's the only thing that ever really matters best actor. And then. And then she blocked me on Facebook I. Thanks very much thanks that was Andrew song a few years ago Andrew surprisingly match with the girl from the story on Tender which opened a new line of communication which then eventually. But they're on good terms now and Andrew's happily in love with someone he describes as simply amazing. These days and it is even more of a back up evangelist especially now that the back up options are easy so he says there's no excuse for you not to back up your. Coming out a tale of 2 kidnappings when the mock Radio Hour continues. To moderated hours produced by Atlantic Public Media and Woods Hole Massachusetts and presented by the Public Radio Exchange p r x dot org America every year new Thanksgiving This American Life brings your annual program about. Poultry. Chickens. That's the day we had before the night 3000 turkeys died real and fictional. This week the tradition continues why would you do that Fred and added 10 cent afternoon a 21 k. P.b.s. News matters. Is supported by own Jaguar Land Rover Carlsbad featuring the full line of Jaguars including the all electric Jaguar I pace for sales and service Jaguar Land Rover Carlsbad off the I 5 at Palomar Airport Road Hole and those British producers club members David and Lesley Cohen in their family of restaurants inviting you to talk goes live or Todd a not for profit talk shop in Hillcrest donating over $100000.00 to more than 25 local charities since it opened visit tacos liberty dot com for details this is a Moth Radio Hour from p.r. X. I'm Meg Bowles and our last story comes from Caitlin Fitzgerald she shared it in front of a sold out crowd at Lincoln Center in New York City I just want to note that this story contains some graphic descriptions of violence and is not appropriate for children. Here's Caitlin Fitzgerald live with the mom. So I was in Los Angeles for my 1st pilot season as a young actor and I was staying with some family friends a lovely couple named Brian and Pam and I was home in the house one night just Brian and I and I was upstairs in my bedroom and I was feeling really really sorry for myself on this particular evening I had the flu I've been on like 9000000 plus unsuccessful auditions and I had no money and all of a sudden there was a knock on the bedroom door and Brian said Caitlin I need to come into your room. And before I could respond he opened the door and behind him was a very large man wearing a ski mask and holding a taser and a crowbar. And I screamed and leapt out of bed and the man in the mask said if you do anything stupid I will kill you and I will kill him and I was immediately compliant and I believed naively that if I just did everything that this man asked me to do everything would be Ok. And he wanted money and jewelry neither of which we had I had $3.00 in my wallet which I gave him. And he handcuffed Bryan and I together and he had a sly face down on the bed and at some point Brian's wife Pam came home and she didn't have any money or jewelry either so the man the ski mask decided that the best course of action would be to take us to the a.t.m. Machine to get cash so we all got in the car Pam was driving and we got to the a.t.m. A.t.m. Machine and parked the car and Pam was sent out with our debit cards around the corner to get money and the man the ski mask got in the driver's seat and I felt my fear like click up about 6 notches because I could tell that he was off his script that he had planned this part of the evening and he was afraid and his fear felt really dangerous to me and a few minutes later we heard sirens and we saw flashing lights and unbeknown to us and called the police and the man a ski mask turned to Brian and I in the back seat still handcuffed together and said That's the cops you guys are dead and he peeled the car out of this parking lot and I wanted to pull that above are going against traffic and cars are screeching around us and it has started to rain in l.a. And the tires are squealing and I know with absolute certainty that I am going to die. And he turns the car into a residential neighborhood and then down a dead end street and we hit a tree going full speed ahead at the end of the street and the man smashes the windshield of the car with his forehead and then gets out and runs and suddenly the car is surrounded by police with their guns drawn and I start screaming for help. And the next thing that I really remember I'm in the back of an ambulance strapped to a stretcher. And I'm thinking. Oh my God. Never again for the rest of my life will I feel safe. But in the weeks and months and years that followed this incident that turned out not really to be true and you know like if I hear a weird noise in the night sometimes I wake in a way that I didn't before or if a cab driver revs his engine at a particular frequency all feel this like adrenaline rush that that it didn't used to happen. But for the most part I was Ok the whole thing came to seem like the sort of bad Hollywood horror movie like just enough fear to sort of titillating make a good story but not enough to actually traumatize me so traumatized did I appear to be that multiple members of my family have said to me you know I forget that even happened to you and I really did too for the most part. And a few years after this incident I finally booked a t.v. Show that I had been longing for and as it shot in Los Angeles and I was living here in New York I had to move west and it's really important to know that while I lived in New York I lived in some of the worst. That New York has that literally you think you had better apartments in New York I have had bad apartments in New York like the dregs of New York real estate so when I finally got the t.v. Show I was moving west as like this is it I'm going to get a great place to live and I did film is amazing apartment is sort of like converted loft space with with walls that actually met the floor at a right angle and marble countertops in a washer and dryer like grown ups in the rest of America have and a security guard downstairs and I felt so happy and I felt so safe and I slept through the night by the dulcet tones of the 101 freeway outside my window. And shortly after I moved in I was hanging out in this like back court yard section of the building where all the the dog owners and the cool kids hung out and I was a dog owner and I really wanted to be a cool kid so I spent a lot of time back there and this particular evening I was sort of sitting with the cool kids we were drinking some article cocktails someone had made I was thinking how to really dive arrives in this amazing and someone said Hey what you need are you in and I told him and there was this silence. And the cool kids started to look at each other a little uneasily and one of them said. Do you know what happened in that apartment . And I fell my blood go absolutely cold and I said. No I don't. And he said Well I'll tell you what you have to promise not to Google it because there are some things you can't see. This is not a promise that I kept. Turns out that my beautiful building had been a hotel long ago and in 1927 a young man very famously had kidnapped a 12 year old girl named Marion Parker and brought her to this hotel and he'd said Ransom Notes for a few days to her father and then there'd been a botched Exchange where the kidnapper had seen that the police were present and whisked Marion back to the hotel at which point he must have decided that she had become a liability because he put her in the bathtub and he strangled her and then he proceeded to dismember her and disembowel her and he wrapped her limbs in towels and hid them in a lesion park across the street and this is how the cops later found him because of the logos on the towels. And the cool kids take turns telling me the story and I remember being kind of aghast by the the strange pleasure they were getting in recounting this tale and the and the way they were sort of depicting Marion as this like monster figure the stuff of nightmares the stuff of scary stories and one of the kids said you know I had to move units because I couldn't even look at your unit from my unit and the other kid said Can I come see your apartment when I open the door she was like clearly disappointed that there wasn't a blood stain on the floor or like a ghost hovering around and a couple days later I discovered that my apartment was on a famous murders of Los Angeles tour and vans of tourists would pull up and take pictures and then zoom off to look where the Black Dahlia killer did his work. But I I couldn't zoom off I couldn't go anywhere I had to live in this apartment and my beautiful safe apartment no longer felt beautiful or safe. And I felt this. Creeping darkness invading all the corners of my life it colored everything. And I started to have this reoccurring nightmare that I would wake up and Marian's limbless torso would be hovering over my bed like the perfect horror movie motif and it wasn't just at night like if I went out of the city and forgot about Marion Parker for a moment when I came home and I had to turn on Marion avenue to get to my apartment and the whole thing would come flooding back and I just I felt awful and for the 1st time in my life I really understood what people mean when they say they feel haunted. I mean I was the girl who had survived her kidnapping living with the ghost of a girl who hadn't. And. I found myself. Really hating Marian Parker. And hating her for her naivete and hating her for her fragility and hating her. For the burden of being female in this world what that means and hating her for being so totally compliant and for believing that if she just did everything her kidnapper asked everything would be Ok. And that feeling that I had in the moments after my own kidnapping that never again would I feel safe was coming horribly horribly true. And then one night I had this dream and in the dream I was in my apartment only it was kind of a sketch of my apartment and out of the bathroom door was streaming all this really beautiful bright white light. And I knew that Marion's body was in the bathroom and I was terrified but found myself walking into the bathroom anyway and sure enough there she was her. Limbless torso in the bathtub and she was dead but also in the logic of dreams somehow still alive and very aware of me. And I found myself walking up to the bathtub. And kneeling down and. And I put my hand on her face. And then I put my hand on the place in her chest. Over her heart. And then I touched the place where her arm had been cut away from her body and I remember her blood being on my fingers. And I realized in this moment that she wasn't a horror movie motif she wasn't a monster she was just skin and bone and blood. She was just a little girl and it very tenderly very carefully picked her up and I held her. And I awoke just in floods of tears and after the stream my fear just broke like a fever and I fell at peace in this apartment and I felt at peace with Marian and I came to feel really protective of her and when I would hear someone the building talking about her in any sort of salacious way I would I would remind them that she was just a little girl who had been really really afraid. And. These days I do sleep through the night for the most part I pay attention to my dreams they seem to know a lot of things and I turn on most of the horror movie scripts that my agents send to me. And I really get it I get why as a culture we need to tell these stories and we need to relegate our our deepest fears to the screen or to the pages of a book. And I don't know for myself if. If I am more afraid or more free because I know that sometimes the men the ski mask can walk off of the screen and into your bedroom door. I suspect a little bit of both probably I do know that safety has come to mean something very different than it did before. I don't live at the apartment I'm Mary and I have anymore back in New York. But every time I drive by I give a little wave to Marian and tell her that I'm thinking about her and they care about her and that in my own deeply infectious human way I am protecting her thank you. Even Fitzgerald is an actor director and writer she says uncovering the stuff we hide from ourselves is the work of a lifetime and I suppose I will never be done but I do feel like I've done a lot in the last few years to dig deep and to look at the monsters under the bed. I asked Caitlin if she still turned down the horror movie scripts her agent since to her and she said yes not only because of my history but do we really need more horror in the world. You can find out more about Caitlin or relisten to her story or any of the stories you heard in this hour on our website the ma. That's it for this episode and we hope you'll join us again next time for the ma radio. Host this hour please make bowls make also directed stories in the show along with Jody Powell the rest of the most directorial staff includes Catherine Burns Sarah Habermann Sarah Austin Janessa and Jennifer Hudson production support from family couch Most stories are true is remembered and affirmed by the storytellers our pitch from our pitch line came from sugar Tod in Salt Lake City our theme music is by the drift other music in this hour from box. R j d 2 tones with 3. You can find links to all the music we use at our website. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by need Jay Allison befitting America at Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole Massachusetts this hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts The Moth Radio Hour is presented by p.r. X. For more about our pod cast for information on pitching us your own story and everything else go to our website dumb or dot au or. Here's some good news Morning Edition from n.p.r. News isn't just for morning people now you can hear every story from the start weekdays 7 till 3 listen on your schedule just say Alexa play Morning Edition. Is supported by San Diego State University a major public research institution serving the region and providing transformative experiences to more than 35000 students learn more at new center dot S.T.'s you dot edu p.b.s. Visual arts briefs are supported by the front porch retirement communities of Carlsbad by the sea Casa De Mint Frederica Manor and Wesley palms and Fallbrook art center presenting art of the holiday offering hand crafted artful gifts produced by regional artisans through December 24th Fallbrook Art Center dot org Thank you for listening to and supporting San Diego's n.p.r. Station a p.b.s. San Diego Hey 206 AC lawyer and k.q. Vo Calexico were news in Danielle's house ever since she was a girl when holiday dinners come they serve a meal that will probably look from a year to you picture main course big platter drumsticks white breast meat golden brown skin stuffing and gravy and cranberry relish on the side and in Danielle's family they have a name for this meal. Fish told me on the phone recently the name of this meal is. At the. Well from the b.b.c. Chicago this is American life a special program today on the wonders of fish. Actually we can say the word here and the word is poultry and as you know each week on our program we choose something invite a variety of writers and performers to tackle that theme and this week as we stand now in that magical 5 weeks of the year that magical 5 weeks in the turkey served at Thanksgiving the turkey served at Christmas a period when Americans consume nearly a 4th of all the turkey consumed in this country every year and for years on this program during this important time of year as American life would bring yet another program about poultry today we're going back to stories from some of those very old episodes for that's right stories about turkeys chicken stock fowl of all kind. And their mysterious hold.