It sure is. We fall in there, we go right to china. Id be a communist. Youd be making sneakers somewhere. Hold on here a second. Woman 911. Whats your emergency . Uh. Well, wed like to report a a missing highway. [ tv chatter ] oh, hey. They get to the report on the sinkhole yet . No. [ sighs ] still on the middle east. Another part of the world where were kicking ass and taking names. [ chuckles ] its funny one thing we know about these terrorists, they sure love the monkey bars. Right here, right here, right here. Right there. Theres the sinkhole. Look at this thing. Oh, my god, its huge. [ chuckling ] yeah. Honey, why didnt you tell me how big it was . I didnt see it. My eyes were closed. I was screaming when i got up to it. That cover collapse is pretty large for this area. I hope theyve taken a montmorillonite sample from the epikarst. Right. We get it youre a geologist. And yet theres a 50 50 chance shes making those terms up. Oh, ha ha ha. We wouldnt know. Well, im glad you guys didnt go flying off the edge like the end of thelma and louise, dad. Phew i actually cried at the end of that. What a shame what they did to that tbird. I cant believe youre not more shaken up about this. I mean, look. You could have died. I know. I know. Im kind of used to cheating the old grim reaper. Remember that time i slipped rock climbing in chile, capsized that boat in those class4 rapids in oregon, and rooting for the broncos at a bar in oakland. Mm. Well. Ill tell you, if it happened to me, id be halfway through a bottle of wine right now. So, this happens to you every night about 8 00 . Oh, you know what . Hey, you want another chance to cheat the reaper . Hmm . Why dont come at me after 8 00 . Okay. Youre a little wobbly. [ chuckles ] i cannot believe the traffic getting home from school today. Is president obama in town again. No. That would be another kind of disaster. There was a sinkhole on route 93. Its all over the news. The news . Yeah, sorry if its not trending on twitter, it doesnt exist. Oh, my god sinkhole in denver. [ chuckles ] somebody made a funny vine of, like, a truck flying in and out of it. Its right there. You can actually see it. Boyd . Buddy . Mike, wheres boyd . Oh, my god, is he mike guys, hes fine. Boyd, my baby thank god youre okay. Oh. Oh, mommy and daddy love you very much, buddy. So much oh, this reminds me of that time i almost got crushed by an anaconda. Grandpa saved me. Oh, yeah . Go get your stuff, all right, buddy . Yeah. Mike. Yeah. You saved my sons life today. Oh. Ohh but why are you punishing me . Why do why this . Why this . Okay. Just accept it, okay . Hes grateful. We both are. Oh, and, uh, vanessa, we have to thank you for today, too. Oh, well, thats nice, but i wasnt even there. Oh, no, the reason that boyd was in any danger at all was because of people like you. Grandmothers . Ryan, what did we talk about on the ride over here, huh . Uh, the fact that paxon energy, your company, has been drilling all over that area, and there is mounting evidence that fracking leads to sinkholes. [ sighs ] but mostly, we talked about you not bringing that up. Her Company Almost killed our son what . oh, come on whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Way out of line there, blaming paxon oil for this or vanessa. Yeah, thank you. They never listen to her down there. You know, i actually do a little better there than i do here. Look, ryan, covercollapse depressions are naturally occurring events. They have existed forever. Shes right, and before you crying liberals got involved in it, that was just natures. Free swimming pools. Okay, but sinkholes have increased exponentially, and now theyre opening up everywhere. No, no, youre confusing sinkholes with weed stores. Maybe we should talk about this later. Maybe. Or maybe boyd should hear the truth about the world that he is going to inherit. Why dont we hear your version of the truth, ryan . What what do they call it in russia pravda . Look, look, ryan, there is no evidence linking sinkholes to fracking. Sure, of course theres not because you work for big energy, and theyre in the business of picking and choosing their science to protect their profits. Where do you get your science . Dr. Bill maher . Where do you get your science . Dr. Bill oreilly . Lets not turn this into a billmeasuring contest. Why dont we . cause my bill is a lot bigger than your bill. Okay, honey why even argue, okay . You cant settle anything. Everyone has their own set of facts and a cable channel to back up the opinion that he already has. Okay . No wonder nobody knows whos right and whos wrong. I know whos wrong hes wrong. Okay, well, what about the other consequences of pumping chemicals into the earth . You mean like lighting and heating our homes . Uh, no, like earthquakes. Ryan. Methane released into the atmosphere bird farts . Fire coming out of the faucets like dragons breath. Fire out of the faucets . Oh, no, honey. No, its fine. Dont listen to him. We should all be scared, mike. Our world is a ticking time bomb. Youre a ticking time bomb. Its time to go home. Lets go, sweetie. I dont want to go out there. What if theres another sinkhole . Oh, no. Buddy, it is silly to be scared of going outside, okay . Yeah, of course. Another sinkhole could just as easily open up right here in this room. Ohh. What . Unbelievable. You just terrified our son. Hey, i got an idea why dont you go upstairs and tell him about the monsters under his bed, cause hes got to know the truth, right, comrade . Mom,on my Car Insurance of money by switching to geico. I should take a closer look at geico. You know, geico can help you save money on your Homeowners Insurance too . Great geico can help insure our mountain chalet how long have we been sawing this log . Um, one hundred and fourteen years. Man i thought my arm would be a lot more jacked by now. Im not even sure this is real wood. Theres no butter in this churn. Do my tris look okay . Take a closer look at geico. Great savings. And a whole lot more. Then shielding lubrication. And cooling. Brrr. With lubrication before and after the blades. Shields and cools while you shave. Proshield chill from gillette. Thank you, sinkhole. [ smooches ] yes, theres nothing like a Natural Disaster to bring out the preppies, huh . Preppers. Preppies wear cardigans around their neck. Preppers wear the goat they just shot for meat around their neck. Either way, were moving a lot of flashlights and survival food. Im surprised youre not selling them guns. What goods a flashlight when the hordes are banging down your door to get your freezedried. Kiwi compote . Youve got a wellstocked shelter in your basement, dont you, mike . Oh, dont even think about it, man. Youre a good friend of mine, but when the end comes, youre just 160 pounds of protein to me. Well, were, uh, both on the same page then. [ clears throat ] listen, people are just overreacting to this stuff. Its a sinkhole. Its not the end of time. Nope. My pastor told us thats gonna happen on march 13th. March 13th . That means we avoid paying taxes in april get your congregation over here. Ill get them through the apocalypse. And with this water purifier, they can drink their own pee, hmm . Or river water or lake water. But by all means, use the pee as a selling point. This is just fearmongering, and i dont appreciate it, you know . Boyds dad was over last night, got the kid all whipped up over some environmental stuff. The kid wouldnt leave my house. Slept at the foot of my bed. No, you cant indulge your child in those fears. Its no big deal. It actually worked out. He was warm down there, and my wifes feet are like the polar ice caps. Which Scientists Say are melting. [ chuckles ] i accidentally clicked a link on global warming. I thought it said gerbil warming. Whats the scientists position on gerbil warming . [ sighs ] those websites are disturbing. Theres got to be better ways to warm a gerbil. In my day, kids were not allowed to be afraid. I remember once i told my dad i was scared of lightning. Right. Yeah, next time there was a storm, he made me stand in the backyard. Wrapped in tin foil. The rest of the storys a little fuzzy, but. I think we found another way to warm up a gerbil. [ tv chatter ] didnt you already watch this episode . Its the news. Its different every night. Sad places, sad people looks like a rerun to me. Well, stick around. Youll learn something about the world. I know all about the world. I was already in it while you were still busy ruining moms body. [ chuckles ] um. Whos the secretary of state . Oh, thats a trick question. Which state . [ smacks lips ] see, you guys all watch the news, you get all angry and stressedout. Pop quiz of everybody in this family, whos the happiest and the least stressed . And you cant say the dog. Mmhmm. Its me. This face will never see a worry wrinkle, which would make me smile, but im not going to because, duh, smile lines. So, your plan is to be clueless . Ignorance is bliss thomas gray in his ode on a distant prospect of eton college. You get those quoteoftheday emails, dont you . If you know the right things, you dont have to know everything. Oh, for instance, that whole, like, secretary thingy, they actually dont call them secretaries anymore. They really prefer flight attendant. Just saying. Hey, buddy. No boyd where wheres boyd . Something short and halfnaked just ran downstairs. Mandys here, so. I guess it was boyd. [ sighs ] i told him id run him a bath, but then he got scared that dragon fire would come out of the faucet. Im sorry. Is that actually a thing . cause i would frown, but thats even worse than smile lines, so. Boyd hey, come on let me in this isnt safe. Boyd grandpa said the bomb shelters the safest place in the house honey, please. Please let me in. Grandpa also said people would beg to be let in. Kids got a point. Joe biden wishes his bunker was as nice as ours. Thats the Vice President , mandy. Mm. Okay. I know who joe biden is, okay . Hes Barack Obamas gayle. Mom [scoffs] all of my sewing stuff is in there. How am i supposed to make my clothes . Hey dont touch any of my stuff lets not panic, okay . Yeah, somehow, well all have to pull together and survive the great romper famine of 2014. Look, hell get hungry and cold. Sooner or later, hell open the door. Mm, i dont know. Theres enough fabric and freezedried food in there to keep him warm and fed through middle school. Great hes gonna go through puberty, and i have mannequins in there. What . Whoa, dont you look good . Ah, yeah, thank you. [ chuckles ] hi, honey. I was actually talking to the cookies. Theyre for boyd. Ooh. Why is boyd still here . Well, he spent the day locked in the bomb shelter. Somebody told him its the safest place in the house. Well, why didnt you just go get him . Well, im working on it. I was hoping to draw him out with the smell of freshly baked cookies. Thats how they lured Saddam Hussein out of that spider hole. Ill go get him. Well, i dont think theres any hurry. The scratching on the door stopped 20 minutes ago. Hey, youre wasting your time. I have been asking him to open that door all day. Boyd, open the door. Yeah, he probably smelled cookie on your breath. Come on out of there. Dont make me drag you up the stairs. Why . Does your back hurt again . Yeah. Its 6 00 everything hurts. So, get out of there. Come on. What do got on . There was a bunch of them. It was cold. Does it look stupid . I think you were pretty smart to stay in there. Your mom and dad miss you. They want you to come home. But i dont want to go home. Its safe here. Its safe here. Why do you keep saying look, i got to be honest with you, kid. The worlds a scary place, you know . Id like to tell you a story about me mountainclimbing. But its probably too scary. I dont think i should tell him. I dont know. Its pretty unbelievable. Yeah, i dont think i should tell him. Gets more unbelievable every time you tell it. Im not gonna tell him. Im not gonna tell him. I want to hear it. Pleeease . No, i cant. I cant. All right, ill tell you. Listen, i was climbing one time in the adirondacks, and they had this rock face, and i was climbing. Well, the guy didnt have me, and i started falling. Whoa. Whoa . Its more like. [ screams ] and then i got slammed down on this ledge, saved my life. Wow you were really lucky. Yeah, a lot luckier than the bald eagle i landed on. Bald eagle . What happened to the sparrow . The bald eagle had eaten the sparrow. Oh. Point is, i wasnt just lucky. God is looking out for us. Mmhmm. Yeah, just like at the sinkhole. Remember . Is that true, grandma . Of course its true. Im a scientist. Thats a fact. Okay . Now, lets go on and take you home. Okay, grandpa. You can take me home. [ chuckles ] should i change . I think you need something to pull the outfit together. Otherwise, you go in a different direction. Okay, come on. Lets go. Lets get in something right. Now go upstairs and change into some real clothes, all right . So, first it was a sparrow, then it was an eagle. What are you gonna land on next . An ostrich . I was thinking id slip off an ice cliff right onto a harp seal. Okay. Hey. Oh, hi. Has, uh, boyd calmed down. [ chuckles sarcastically ] uh, well, he did spend the day hiding in the basement. Okay. Did he come out . Well, you keep taking that kid to the ballet, its just a matter of time. Hes upstairs getting changed. Thank you very much. What did you say to get him out of there . Well, facts didnt work, so we tried a little faith. More of your bogus god is watching over us fairy tale . You mean the basis of western civilization . That fairy tale . The rest of the familys gonna miss you up in heaven, ryan. Uh, your dads gonna take you home, okay . Hey, buddy, im gonna take you home, all right . I thought grandpa was gonna take me. Uh no, youre just gonna come with me. Yeah. Then im staying here, with grandpa where its safe. Buddy, you are safe with me. Youre safe with him. Youll be all right. Is god watching over you, too . Well, i dont believe in an anthropomorphic deity, per se. I recognize a more universal, spiritual connectivity. Then im staying here with grandpa and god boyd hey hey all right. What was i supposed to do lie to the kid . No, i think you handled that perfectly. See . Lying is easy. Mike hey. Mike baxter here for outdoor man. President Richard Nixon once said, people react to fear, not love. Easy for him to say because he was kind of scary and nobody loved him. But nixons right to get people to do what you want, scare the heck out of them. For example, have a bunch of scientists convince everyone the worlds climate is changing. Now, we used to call that the seasons. Thank you, al gore, not for your Inconvenient Truth but for your convenient fib that you created the internet . Wow. The greatest device in history for spreading fear, halftruths, and videos of cats attacking toddlers. [ baby cries, cat hisses ] years ago, if a guy put on a robe and stood on a Street Corner with a sign saying, the end is near, it was easy to just say he was bananas. Well, now that same dude can hide behind a slick website in his moms basement. And as far as we know, hes walter cronkite. I have an idea lets stop believing the fearmongers. Maybe nixon was wrong. Maybe people can be motivated by love. And i bet you will love saving 20 off a sonar fish finder. I dont want to spread any fear here. But if youre a trout, this thing does mean the end is near. Hey, mr. B. You know, the more i hear you talk about Richard Nixon, the more i think history has given him a raw deal. He opened china. [ knock on door ] mike, we made a fortune this weekend from those preppers. Yep. We should pray for another sink ah sink, sink, sink. Ah, sink in the bathroom so we can wash our hands. You should be careful. Sometimes fire comes out of those. Thanks, kid. Mike, can i talk to you for a second . Hey, grandpa, whats black and white and red all over . Uh, uh, just a whole bunch of things. None of them are funny, okay . What . Whats up . Whats the bigheaded kid doing here . He feels safe with me. Evidently, im. Buddies with god. Mmhmm. Well, i told you how to handle boyd, right . You got to send the kid out in the storm wrapped in tin foil. Yeah, i was gonna do that. And then i realized im not crazy. Look, i almost had him convinced to go home, and then his dad blew it. Hmm. So i get to hear the same joke 80 times in a day. You got to send the kid packing. Hes got to know youre tough. He knows im tough. Its his parents that have got to learn to stand up to this. You know, you should show boyd a newspaper sometime. [ chuckles ] the kid thinks theyre red all over. Vanessa got called into work. Oh. I got a riddle whats 44 and making me dinner . Me . Thats right. Head on into the pantry and grab any kind of can as long as it doesnt have a dogs picture on it. The runts still following you around everywhere, pa . You know, i used to think itd be fun having a pet monkey. Now i think different. Oh, thank god youre here. You got to take boyd off my hands. Mike, he does not want to come with me, so why dont we just put him in your car and you can follow me to the apartment . Because he wont leave me alone and i dont want to move in with you. You think i like him spending this much time with you . You just got to make the kid feel safe somehow. Good luck with that, sally. Shes showing you no respect right now. Boyd doesnt respect you, either. Boyd does respect me. Not as someone who can protect him. You got to be bigger than his fears, okay . Mm, thats a tall order for you, mary. I get it youre calling me different girl names. Youre catching on, peaches. Mike, false machismo is not gonna make him feel any safer. Well, real machismo would be better, but we get what we get. You scared boyd with something that he cant control, and you told him that no one up theres looking out for him. That left you, which actually left me, and i am tired i dont know how to do what youre asking me to do. Im asking you to be a parent. I am being a parent. Okay. Where is he, huh . Kitchen. Boyd, enough of this already. Youve got school tomorrow. Boyd mommy, i dont want to go home thats too bad, okay . I am the mom. No more discussion. Grandpa, help me i cant i cant help you. My back hurts. Its 6 30 now. Oh, im guessing that should have been me . Yeah, except i dont think she could carry you. That guys a joke. Speaking of jokes what is 54 and making my dinner . The guy at dominos. Um, i cant have happen what happened t time. Ahem. Heres my card. Im sure you know your profits are down 8 . 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Why cant north korea join the rest of the World Community . Why cant Courteney Cox join the friends cast reunion . Why cant putin keep his shirt on . [ giggles ] why cant Channing Tatum keep his shirt on . Unhunhunhunh. Who knows whats really important . You do. Give me that. [ giggles ] its just a date. I can stay. Im good. I wont be late hey mom. Yeah. No kissing on the first date, alright . Life doesnt always stick to a plan, but with our investment expertise well help you handle whats next. Financial guidance while youre mastering life. From chase. So you can. [ doorbell rings ] i got it last man standing is recorded in front of a live studio audience. [ sighs ] both trick or treat. Really . You guys couldnt even be bothered to wear a costume . You guys want something from eve baxter, youre gonna have to work for it. Thats a good call. Try to remember that on prom night. What what is this costume . Oh. [ clears throat ] hope solos mug shot . Its a big step for equality in sports when a female athlete finally gets arrested for assault. When she gets five guys pregnant in five different cities, then shes hit the big leagues. Honey, uh, we already ate, but ill stand here with you while you make yourself something. No, thanks. Right to the sauce. Tough day . I spent the whole day trying to navigate these new e. P. A. Guidelines on carbon. 34,000 pages. Wow. Thats a lot of paper. Guess the e. P. A. Doesnt care about trees anymore. Scientists like me were not the enemy. Were trying to fix the problem. What we should do is put all the power plants in pakistan. Because they dont care about air pollution there. Their air comes in flavors they have the original and extra crispy. You know, mike, i am really starting to wonder if this is what i want to be doing with the rest of my life. At least you got a loving family to come home to. Yeah, whatever. Trick or treat hey, boyd. Kristin hey, happy halloween. We thought we would bring boyd to trickortreat in your neighborhood. Yeah, see what you onepercenters are shelling out. Thats a good call. You say trick in your neighborhood, you get a girl named candy. Boyd, honey, whats your costume . Oh, he is something really scary. Mike lets see it. My daddy says im the single biggest threat to life on earth. A lump of coal. I get it, yeah. Its its cause i work in coal. Im destroying the planet i suppose you drove over here in your windmillpowered car . Im just trying to raise awareness, man. I miss the days when all the costume had to say was boo. With the election coming up, we just wanted him to wear a costume that made a statement thats all. Well, a little kid wearing black at night the statement is, why dont you hit me with your car . Hey, mandy. [ chuckles ] glasses and a book . That is obviously a costume. U. S. Election Assistance Commission . Mmhmm, for extra credit in polisci, i signed up to help out at the polling place on tuesday. Thats right, people. Mandy is working the poll. I think we all saw this day coming. When are we gonna go trickortreating . Ill take you out, squirt. Come on. Oh, but i get 20 of your haul. What for . Protection. Its dark out here, you know . You might fall down and break those pretty, little teeth of yours. So, youre gonna be an election judge . Thats a thats a big commitment. Oh, yes, i had to attend a ohour seminar, which was actually very informative. Yeah . Because i found out where the instructor got her boots nordstrom. Huh, well, ryan and i have been registering voters out in front of whole foods. Ahh, thats where you get good voters people dumb enough to pay 16 bucks for a kumquat. [ doorbell rings ] well, it is a midterm election, but the stakes are high. If the republicans get the senate, obamas hands will be tied. How will he play golf . Aah aah hello, little girl. What are you dressed as . A guy who was watching a hockey game till his wife sent him out for more candy. Black guy that likes hockey thats the most creative costume ive seen tonight. [ chuckling ] i like your costume, too nervous white dude whos afraid to let a brother into his house. Please come in, chuck. Carol chuck hey, carol. Oh, hey chuck ohh. I sent you to the store for candy, not to mooch off the baxters. Well, i was hoping vanessa would answer. Now i wish id gone to the store. Still time. Come on in. Sit down. Oh, hey. Ill get you some candy. No, no need. I shut off our porch lights. You know, the costumes were lame this year. I just saw a kid dressed like a rock. He is a lump of coal, and there are clean ways to burn him, if the e. P. A. Would just get off my ass my wifes a little tense tonight. Chuck my wifes tense, too. It its this election. Yeah. Oh, i cant wait till its over. [ chuckles ] the election, i mean. Not my marriage. Although either one would solve it. On the school board ugh weve been campaigning hard for measure c. I dont know if youre familiar with it. Oh, as a certified election official, i most certainly am. So, measure c is the one thats between measures b and d. Shes been working really hard on her alphabet. She used to have to sing that. Measure c is the proposal to shut down taft high school, right . Right, right. Taft is largely africanamerican . Yeah, and latino. Theres a whole lot of julios down by that schoolyard. Taft is a failing school. If the school board shuts it down, we can send the kids to some of the more Successful Schools in the district, like woodbridge. Yeah, just push the problem up here. Its the leafblower strategy. Well, i think that is a great idea. Im sure you do. Mike, brown vs. Topeka was 60 years ago, and our schools are still as segregated as they were in 1954. What do you know about integration . Youre canadian. You got, like, one black kid in that whole country. [ chuckles ] they probably integrate by sending him to different scols every year. [ chuckles ] pass him around like the stanley cup. [ chuckles ] yeah, but this proposals about giving these kids an equal chance. Im surprised the school board is giving up so easy. cause you could just spend a lot more money on the school. It would still fail, but then everybody would be poor. There is no more money, unless you want to pay more property taxes. No. No. No. I dont want to do that. I figured you two would agree on that one. You ready to have your Old Neighborhood come out and hang in the new neighborhood and get the old gang together the crips, the bloods . Kiwanis. Iim straight out of denver, not compton. This this is really carols area. She shes the politician in the family. Youre the homeowner, and Property Values are dictated by the schools around them. Yeah, but, you know, its a really complicated issue. You see, on the one hand, yyou want to help the kids from taft. Okay. On the other hand there is no other hand. I have a right to be concerned about our Property Value. Theres the other hand. Were back. Hey. We should be heading out anyway, so. All right, guys. Yeah, good night. See you, boyd well, wait. Wait, i want to say goodbye to my little lump of coal ooh im gonna squeeze you so hard, you turn into a diamond. Mwah do you ever turn the geology stuff off . Happy halloween. Night, guys. Good night, guys. Be safe out there. Okay. Where were we . Oh, yeah. Chuck was disrespecting carols hard work on measure c. Why do you do that, baxter . I cant believe my own husband is against me on this. Thats why i do that. If this measure fails, theres got to be cuts across the whole district, programs like music, theater, art wwait. No more art . Yeah, im afraid so, honey. Yes i suck at art. Its been killing my g. P. A. Eve, come on. That is so selfish. I mean, you got to try to see the big picture here. As long as i dont have to draw it. Uh, honey, wwe moved out of the hood. Im not sure i like the idea of the hood following me here. I dont mind the hood following me as long as its not white and pointy. Good night, mike and vanessa. Good night, guys. Carol. Chuck, ill get you a sleeping bag so you can keep a real good eye on your Property Value tonight. Oh, man. You should have gone to the store. The yekekians were giving away those figandnut bars again. How do you know . cause the kids are throwing them in the bushes. Well, if its not pure sugar, the kids just toss it. I know. Raisins, orange slices, apples. Michelle obamas dream for american lunches is right here in our front yard. Stupid ryan. Gosh. A lump of coal this size could power a home for three days. And leave the air a lot cleaner than those kids left our yard. Well, lets not put it away. What well do is well put it in ryans stocking for christmas. How did i become the bad guy . When i started college, ii was an idealist. Ii wanted a career where id make the world a better place. I mean, so, of course, i picked geology. Well, that was mother teresas minor. Honey, dont let clowns like ryan get into your head and ruin your love of rocks. Honey, i will always love rocks. You know that. But [sighs] im barely doing science at my job anymore. Im just im so buried in paperwork. Papers stronger than rock. Now you just need scissors. Im just so tired of arguing with people my bosses, the e. P. A. Really, all i think about lately. Is quitting my job. If youre tired of arguing with people, you probably shouldnt have told me that. Come on. We we dont need the money. Uh, it does buy happiness. Yeah, but somethings got to change. Ii mean, if im not gonna get a second husband [chuckles] i might need a second career. Well, its a big decision. Its your decision. Whatever you do, ill support you. Really . Yeah, ill have to. Well only have one income. Mom,on my Car Insurance of money by switching to geico. I should take a closer look at geico. You know, geico can help you save money on your Homeowners Insurance too . Great geico can help insure our mountain chalet how long have we been sawing this log . Um, one hundred and fourteen years. Man i thought my arm would be a lot more jacked by now. Im not even sure this is real wood. Theres no butter in this churn. Do my tris look okay . Take a closer look at geico. Great savings. And a whole lot more. Then shielding lubrication. And cooling. Brrr. With lubrication before and after the blades. Shields and cools while you shave. Proshield chill from gillette. Oh, mikey, women get stranger as they get older. Tell me about it. My wife just laid this on me. She wants to quit her job. Come on. Yeah. Really . I wouldnt have seen that coming. I thought she loved working with dolphins. My wifes a geologist. Oh. Shes just tired of getting bullied around by the environmentalists. She was better off with dolphins. All right, my advice urge vanessa to find a new job first. Just stall this thing. And who knows . She even may go back to teaching fish how to jump through hoops. Or she could become a geologist. Another good career. Thanks for voting come again but not today, because that would be illegal. So dont come again until the next time that we elect things. Uh. [ chuckles ] hey, i hope youre taking this seriously. Um, yeah. Dont have much of a choice. I took an oath. [ inhales sharply ] also, i forgot my earbuds. [ groans ] kind of a sad turnout. Think its time to bust out the other kind of pole, hmm . All right, what are you doing here . Its my school. I stopped by after practice. I just want to know how, uh, measure cs doing . I cant answer that question. Thats got to be the millionth time youve said that in a classroom. Im surprised balloons didnt fall. [ laughs ] listen, i just really need to know that measure c is tanking, okay . Art must die. What about all of the other kids who would benefit . Im not blowing my shot at west point just cause i cant draw a horse. I mean, who has legs like that . Uh, what . So, what youre saying is measure c will wreck the economy . what . hey, no. No electioneering at the polls. Tell her. Do your job. Iim going. I just think its interesting that measure c is backed by isis okay, democracy is no joke, mandy. These rules must be enforced. Can i please have my ballot . Actually. No. You dont live in this district. What . Uh. No, but my name is still on the voter rolls. Kristin baxter, rright there. At mom and dads address, where you dont live anymore. Youve got to be joking. Democracys no joke, kristin. Oh, come on. I am your sister. Yeah, the United States of america has no sister. Maybe england. No, thats really more like our gay cousin, actually. You have to go vote in your own district. What . But the polls are about to close. Dont make me call security. Its that weird crossing guard who likes to stare at my feet. [ sighs ] all right, all right, im going. Mmhmm, yeah. Thats right. And that is how you work a poll yes whoo i am so sorry. Im just hearing it now for the first time. Im so sorry. [ instruments playing ] hey, eve. Oh, hey, cammy. Sorry. Um, can you teach me how to draw a horse . Um, i dont know. Id have to see the horse first. [ sighs ] mine always end up looking like dogs on stilts. Lets just hope measure c fails and kills the arts program, right . [ chuckles ] yeah. Uh, wait. Um, isnt music an art . Um. Not the way the school band does it. But i need school band. Im counting on an oboe scholarship for college. I thought that was sad enough, and now i might not even get that . Ooh, im really sorry. Any chance theyd cancel football instead . [ chuckling ] uh. I think youre blowing on that thing too hard. Its just a date. I can stay. Im good. I wont be late hey mom. Yeah. No kissing on the first date, alright . Life doesnt always stick to a plan, but with our investment expertise well help you handle whats next. Financial guidance while youre mastering life. From chase. So you can. How did it go at the polls . Whew. Well, eve will be happy. Measure c lost. Ohh. Um, and so did. [ hums the alphabet song ] e, f, and g what a shame. Wow. Those kids will have to stay at taft. Hmm. Yeah. Election day is, like, the only day some of these old people get out of their house. Its like theyve got four years of bottledup stuff to talk about. Guess whos in that line of fire. Sorry, i just thought itd be nice to drop by and catch up. Oh, not you, mom. Im talking about the sad people. You know, the ones who talk about, like, what they should have done with their lives, but they didnt, and now its too late. But youre not like that. Hi, honey. Hey. Hi. How, uh how was work . Jobs are great. Very fulfilling. Really . Did somebody come in and buy all your guns . If so, you might want to tell the authorities. Just grateful that i have a job that i love. And i know how frustrating it is not to have that. I appreciate you saying that, mike. And if you want to quit, im behind you. Thank you. But i would like to say one thing. Oh, boy. Okay. Ii dont think that you should, uh, give them notice till you have something else, you know . You shouldnt let go of one thing till you have Something Better to grab onto. Its like rockclimbing or wives. I agree. I shouldnt be running away from something, but running to something, something i really, really care about. And theres really no hurry. I mean, you can do it anytime you want. Ive got something. Didnt take much time. I want to teach. I like that a lot. That means i could sleep with a college professor. Again. Maybe this time, itll improve my grade a little. Actually, i want to teach at a place that i can do a lot of good. I like that idea. Its great. I want to teach science at a place that really needs me. Good. Yeah, like taft. Yyeah, yeah. That. What, uh wwhat do you think . Yeah, well, you know, thats, uh for somebody elses wife, thats a great idea. No, taft is a place where a teacher can really make a difference, you know, llike in dangerous minds. Oh, you are not gonna win this argument by citing the least sexy Michelle Pfeiffer movie. I didnt even know we were having an argument. You know what itd be like teaching at taft . What . Picture this. You walk into the classroom. Theyre dissecting a cat. Okay. Whats wrong with that . Its english class [ doorbell rings ] and its your cat oh, stop. Its a tough school. Youre gonna be disappointed. No. Youre gonna be real frustrated. Yeah, you mean like at my job now . Yeah, but for a lot less money. Look, im just spitballing here. But what about, uh, training dolphins . Hey. Hey. Hi. Hi, guys. Hi. Have you heard . Yeah. Measure c lost. How about a glass of commiseration . Of course. Yeah, its a real shame how this whole thing played out. Dont even try it. So what happens now, carol . Well, taft continues to limp along, test scores drop, teachers leave, and on and on. Mike its just a challenge. I dont even think Michelle Pfeiffer could handle this one. Oh, dont say that, mike. If movies have taught us anything, its that black people rely on toughtalking white ladies to step in and straighten out our lives i was just telling mike that ive decided to become a teacher, and that i might like to teach at a place like taft. [ both laugh ] seriously . Seriously . See . Now youve gone and upset the larabees. Listen, carol, you told me you taught at a at a tough high school. Its hard, right . Wait. Youre not in favor of this . Well, vanessa, god bless you for your commitment to our youth. Listen, just tell her what its like. Dont sugarcoat it. Tell her what shes up against. Well, there were days when i pulled into the teachers parking lot and just sat there, resisting the urge to put the car in reverse and get as far away as i could. You see that . And that scene wasnt in dangerous minds. Okay, honey. But then there was that day when a kid that i would not give up on, a kid that ii pushed and demanded work from. Walked into my classroom. With an acceptance letter from stanford university. He said, thank you, mrs. Larabee. And then he shot you. Its not easy. But you think i could handle it . You handle him. Mike, im gonna do this. I know you are. Lets open this up and celebrate yes hey, mike i dont need this. I dont need this right now. Hey, you know what . No, no, sit back down. I now that vanessas gonna be a teacher, you know what else shes gonna have to do . No, what is it, larabee . Whats gonna happen . Join a union. Its okay. Its good. Im good. Im good. You know why im good . Because because i love my wife, and i want my wife to be happy. Well, as a man who was married to a teacher for years, i can tell you the happy days are few and far between, but. You keep looking for the Silver Lining in this thing, baxter. Guys, we have an announcement. We already heard this. How much of that wine you had . Its not about me. Ive decided to go back to teaching, too. I think we found that Silver Lining. Um, i cant have happen what happened t time. Ahem. Heres my card. Im sure you know your profits are down 8 . So, just let me know if you want to change that. I believe in you break through , break through is overwhelminglyr this product positive. Sensodyne repair protect can actually repair sensitive teeth. It has Clinical Evidence showing how effective it works. I know that dentists recommend sensodyne repair protect. Traditional aerosols contain which eventually falls down and spoils the experience. Introducing air wick pure. With 9x more fragrance and less water. Experience great fragrance with less wet spray. Air wick pure more fragrance, less wet spray. Also available in freshmatic. Keep your home fresh all day with automatic bursts of fragrance with no added water. Air wick freshmatic. Now available in pure. Stay tuned. Ng is sponsored in part by. You have to apply yourself i apply myself every day. Gold bond mens lotion. Everyday moisture and intensive therapy. Man up well, your wish came true. Is Peyton Manning on the phone asking me to prom . No. Measure c failed. Oh, just like this picture youre drawing of a dinosaur or a mountain range. Its a bowl of fruit. Then this is all for the best. Yeah. I guess. [ band playing america the beautiful ] [ indistinct conversations ] hey, hey. Hey. I brought someone home for dinner. Oh, please, not ed. You know, i dont know what that guy has against the fork, but i justi cant watch him eat anymore. No. Id like you to meet my little friend. Aw. And four of his unfortunate buddies. As they say, any species, the plump and the slow are the first to go. laughs great. Another thing to pluck. You want me to freeze the heart and liver . Eh. Hey, wait a minute. Give muffin the liver. barks how can a heart be frozen when youre here to warm it up . Aw. You are so sweet after a kill