We have been away on vacation for two weeks and we were welcomed back to work today by the secret service and their bombsniffing dogs. Which by the way as far as jobs for dogs go bombsniffing is the worst one. Youre trained to intentionally find something that can blow you up. Anyway its all of course because Hillary Clinton is here [ cheers and applause ] Hillary Clinton could be one of the first, if not the first, female president s of the United States. [ cheers and applause ] one of the things mrs. Clinton is working on, besides being here, is getting ready for debates with drurp. Which are going to be great. These are going to be better than the Diaz Mcgregor fight this weekend. To get ready typically the candidates practice against the stand and have mock debates. The Clinton Campaign admitted theyre having trouble finding someone to stand in for donald trump. Its hard to find someone to mimic the reckless tell personal and hateful and dave vicive instincts of donald trump. Which to which i say, have they ever been on facebook . I think they can find a lot of viable candidates there. [ cheers and applause ] theyre looking for someone who not only knows donald trump but is equally as intense and unpredictable. I dont know how hard theyve been looking but i think i have the perfect guy for the job. Treasu. R. U. M. P. , taking redestruction, understanding massive power. Jimmy thats right. Duct tape gary busey to kanye west and she can practicedepaid them. Donald trump is trailing Hillary Clinton in i think every major poll except one, especially among africanamericans. According to a wall street journal nbc news poll clinton leads trump among africanamerican voters 91. Tr 91 to 91 with respect. Voters in front of an allwhite audience. Youre living in poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs, 58 of your youth is unemployed, what the hell do you have to lose . Basically the same pitch he uses when he proposes to his wives. He also guaranteed that after four years in office, he said, i guarantee i will get more than 95 of the average arm vfrican. And if he doesnt he will sue every black person in america. Donald trump, with the possible exception of Stranger Things on netflix, the subject people are talking about most this summer. A group of artists paid special tribute to him with statues in his likeness in cleveland, l. A. , seattle, san francisco, and new york this weekend. Naked lifesized statues of donald trump are showing up in new york and other major cities. Heres the statue in union square before Parks Department employees removed it this afternoon. Its one of five across the so thats fun. Did you watch the olympics . [ cheers and applause ] if you didnt its too late. The olympics are over. The closing ceremony was last night. I like to take this opportunity to thank our American Olympic athletes for being in shape so we dont have to. [ laughter ] [ applause ] its quite a sacrifice. The u. S. Team dominated. I think the olympics would be more fun if they selected a random assortment of people from each country. Like they pick a name out of a hat and your mom all of a sudden has to do judo. Against someone from bulgaria. That would be a representation of our physical prowess, right . The next olympics are going to be held in tokyo. I have to say it worries me. I hope ryan lochte doesnt get attacked by godzilla while hes there. For all the bright and shining lochte. He lost all his major endorsements today. Ralph lauren, speedo, a mattress company, and something called gentle hair removal. So they werent that major. But they dropped him after he concocted a story about being robbed at gun point in rio. Turned out he and three other swimmers werent robbed at gunpoint, they got drunk and vandalized a gas station bathroom. The u. S. Olympic Committee Said he let american down. Acting like a drunken jackass in a foreign american than that . [ laughter ] [ applause ] besides losing endorsements he could be banned from swimming. Not just competitive swimming. Even when he goes to a friends house for a barbecue he will not be allowed to swim. This morning ryan sat down with matt lauer on the today show to explain what he was thinking and to take responsibility for his actions. The first version of the story you told, ryan, was much more about the mean streets of rio. Yeah. And the version were hearing negotiated settlement to cover up some dumb behavior. And thats why im taking full responsibility for it. Is because i overexaggerated that story. And if i never did done that, we wouldnt be in this mess. Jimmy right, its true. If you hadnt done it, you wouldnt be in this mess. Just like if mike tyson hadnt gotten that tattoo on his face, he wouldnt have a tattoo on his face. [ laughter ] i think theyre making the swim caps too tight or something. Matt lauer ge to set the record straight and he did do a pretty good job with that. If i were to ask you the same question again right now and say, were you robbed on sunday morning in rio, how would you answer it . Something will pop up in my head. It could be like the weirdest thing. Like all of a sudden like i have like a jumping banana in my head and i just stop and pause. Im like, that damn jumping bananas in my head. Jimmy was it a banana or a plantain, ryan . I know everyone is upset about this and he did do a dumb thing but let me say in his defense, ryan lochte has spent probably a full third of his life under water which means his brain does not get enough oxygen to properly function. Hes not able to make the kind of basic decisions most of us are able to make. Like how many quarters are in a dollar. Which shoe goes on which foot. Hes not that much smarter than a tuna fish. So yes, if as a person what he did was unacceptable. If you judge him as a fish . Hes actually kind of a genius. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a fish whos smart enough to lie on television . You could build a whole aquarium around that. Give the kid a break. How high can your expectations be for someone who doesnt wear a shirt to work . Im hoping they make him the next bachelor, i really am. [ cheers and applause ] is i think this is what people should be 18 are about. While on vacation this happened. Thats right. Matt damon is wearing a bun now. Remember matt and ben . Now its matt and bun. I bet he thought wed miss that too. He thought he was safe. I want to show you something that has me upset. Im currently running for Vice President of the United States. [ cheers and applause ] i take this seriously. Im out there ery streets talking to voters and collecting pokemon, you can go both. But unfortunately, a special interest group, a not so super pac, has been trying to stop me by running attack ads like this. Jimmy kimmel is running for Vice President. I am officially running for Vice President of the United States but can jimmy kimmel really be trusted . [ voice of matt damon ] time and time he has proven to be deceitful. Apologies to matt damon, we duplicitous. We ran out of hyme for him. A liar. Why does jimmy kimmel mislead people . Humiliate them . To get matt damon to deliver his lines they put peanut butner his mouth to make it look like hes talking. Physically assault them. Make them dress up like fruit for no reason. I cant believe i fell for that. If jimmy kimmel [ bleep ] ben affleck, whos he going to [ bleep ] next . America . Paid for by citizens for a kimmelfree america. [ laughter ] jimmy were definitely running out of time for him tonight. As this election inches closer, theres more pressure to pretend we have any idea of what were talking about when we have conversations with other people. Most people go along with whatever party they support no matter the facts. This afternoon we had fun with that. We went on the street in front of our theater and asked people about Hillary Clintons big now, mrs. Clinton did not make a big announcement this morning. Or any announcement this morning. But did that stop people from weighing in on it anyway . Lets find out in tonights president ial election themed lie witness news. Did you think Hillary Clinton seemed trustworthy during her big announcement this morning . Absolutely. Its time she came forward and was hobbs with the American People. Its the announcement we were waiting for. What about that announcement was honest to you . Just the way she said it. Where she was at. And with her husband by her side, i thought that was something that we needed to see. How would you describe her announcement this morning . Do you think its on the right side of history or a little bit extreme . No, i mean, i guess its right there where it should be yeah. On the right side. Were people around you surprised . No. But thats because i was by myself. Oh, okay. Where did you see it . On the news at home. Oh, okay. Announcement this morning . Yep. Sure did. How so . It was just coming back at em. Where were you when you saw the announcement . Um we were over across the street at the hard rock. Oh, cool. They were showing it over there . Yes. And who was with you . Um me and my daughter here. Was it hard to hear her announcement with the hard rock sound system or could you hear it pretty well . They had closed captioning so i was able to read her words. How do you think clintons announcement will affect the banks . It might cause the market to surge. Im not entirely sure, im not an economist. It might cause fluctuation, i believe. Did she seem thrilled to you during that announcement . Define that. How would you define that . Yeah, i think she was. Okay. She probably could have picked maybe a little better time to announce this. But thats just my opinion. What was the announcement just any part of it. Um were talking about the em mails now . No. Just the announcement with what she announced. What she announced . Dont remember. Yeah. How would you summarize Hillary Clintons announcement this morning . Laughable, not worthwhile, not necessary. Fictitious . Yeah, fake. Yeah. Completely made up . Made up. Didnt happen . Yeah. Okay. Jimmy all registered voters which is good news. Tonight John Krasinski is here with us. Randolph is sitting in with the cletones and well be right back with Hillary Clinton. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] . . Hey, is this our turn . Honey. Our turn . Yeah, we go left right here. woman vo Great Adventures are still out there. Well find them in our subaru outback. avo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Get zero percent on select subaru models during the t. Its stunningly beautiful, a Perfect Blend of performance and design. The worlds thinnest laptop, the new premium hp spectre. Sir you need to turn that off now. The new hp spectre with intel core i7 processor. Hp. Keep reinventing. Olive gardens buy one take one is back, starting at 12. 99. Because theres nothing like a great meal with the family. Except maybe another great meal with the family. Buy one take one. Choose one delicious entr . E, like our new pepperoni fettuccine alfredo or our Chicken Pot Pie italiano. Plus unlimited salad and breadsticks at our place, and another for yours, for free. Starting at 12. 99. Americans, i dont understand you. Always working on vacation. Always multitasking. [baby crying] always busy making something. But what has all this ambition ever gotten you . That youre the greatest nation in the world . Where all your dreams come true . The galaxy note7 with s pen. Perfect for busy americans like us. [bark] america thought our pancakes were pretty special. But we knew we could do better. So we did. We made dennys new pancakes 50 fluffier with fresh buttermilk and hint of vanilla. If you disagree, the cakes are free. . Jimmy hi, welcome back. Thats Robert Randolph sitting in with cleto and the cletones. Hes with us all week. You can see robert live with zz top on sunday night in boston. Tonight from the new movie the hollars which he directed and stars in too, the always delightful John Krasinski is here. [ cheers and applause ] last time he was here, something terrible happened involving egg nothing. Were hoping that does not repeat itself tonight. Tomorrow night 50 cent will be with us, from narcos Pablo Escobar himself wagner moura, well have music from kongos and later this week, bob odenkirk, natalie portman, kendall jenner, please join us for all of those people. When most people move back into the house they used to live in, it means things have gone poorly in their lives, but not so for our first guest. Shes running for president and i think shes here to ask me to be her running mate. Please welcome Hillary Clinton. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy who would have guessed this audience would be so enthusiastic about the cofounder of isis . [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. That was one of the crazier things thats been said this do you think its funny . Do you get upset . How does it hit you . Its really funny, jimmy. I dont get upset anymore. Because id be upset all the time so i dont get upset. I think its crazy. But then i think, you know, this is like giving aid and comfort to the bad guys. Jimmy do you think so . I really do. I think theres enough evidence now that when trump talks the way he talks, it actually helps the because they make a case, as they made with this comment. Oh, well, see, Hillary Clinton, barack obama, they created isis, we heard this from donald trump whos running for president , hes the republican nominee. I think its crazy but i think its also harmful. Jimmy how do you prepare for a debate with donald trump . Im here to ask your help. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i might be able to fill in for him. Well jimmy can you prepare but i watched a lot of his debates during the primaries and he insulted all of his opponents. Jimmy right. He insulted all the moderators, he insulted i guess about 80 of the American People and the rest of the world. And so how do you prepare for that . I think on the one hand, its a serious chance for americans to tune in and if they havent made up their minds to try to make up their minds so i want to take it i want to talk about what i think we can do and how important it is. But youve got to be prepared for wacky stuff that comes at you. Jimmy yeah. And i am drawing on my experience in elementary school. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the guy who pulled your ponytail. Jimmy the ponytail puller but that meant he liked you, really. You have to think maybe donald this is how great rumors get started. Speaking of rumors the new one is that you are unhealthy, that you had a concussion. Right. Jimmy Rudy Giuliani on fox news yesterday and today saying you seem sick, you look tired, et cetera, et cetera. Are you in good health . Well, this has become one of their themes. You take my pulse while im talking to you. Jimmy okay. [ laughter ] make sure im alive. Jimmy oh my god, theres nothing there. Theres nothing there, what can i say. Back in october, the National Enquirer said i would be dead in six months. Jimmy oh, boy. With every breath i take jimmy you have a new lease on life. A new lease on life. I dont know, i dont know why they are saying this. I think on the one hand its part of the wacky strategy. Just say all these crazy things and maybe you can get some people to believe you. On the other hand, it just i dont go around questioning Donald Trumps health. I mean, as far as i can tell hes healthy as a horse. Jimmy his doctors said he had the best medical examine hes ever seen in a human being. [ laughter ] yeah. Yeah, i saw that. Jimmy can you open this jar of pickles . This has not been tampered with. [ laughter ] [ applause ] rrr jimmy oh, oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its not been touched. You are so funny. No, i mean i do feel sometimes like this campaign has entered into an alternative universe. So im out here talking about, hey, heres how we can create a lot more good jobs, heres how we can help young people pay off their student debts, heres how we can make [ applause ] college more affordable, heres what we do about health care, lots of issues, prescription drugs, mental im out here talking about all of this. Then i have to sort of step into the alternative reality. And, you know, answer questions about am i alive . How much longer will i be alive . And the like. Jimmy if you were elected president , how great would it be if your first act was to deport donald trump to mexico . [ cheers and applause ] can the president do that . No. Well, im not into anybody except violent people. Jimmy okay. All right. Well, that Second Amendment comment may have qualified. Well, thats another part of the alternative universe. Look. This is such a serious time in our country. Jimmy not really. Not really. [ laughter ] we have so many opportunities and theres so much we can do. And im just trying to keep it on something resembling a level Playing Field here. Jimmy would you prefer to be running against somebody boring guy . I would prefer to be running against somebody who i thought was qualified to be president and temperamentally fit to be commander in chief, yeah. I would be, absolutely. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, i think that in all the president s that i have seen during my lifetime, that ive read about in history, weve had great ones, not so great ones. But i dont think weve ever been confronted with somebody who we see right now in the midst of this election is unqualified and temperamentally unfit. So all these republicans are endorsing me and writing letters jimmy which one has surprised you the most of people from the other side who endorsed you . There have been a lot. I mean, three people who i am very grateful to, one brent scowcroft, who is one of the leaders on the republican side, really strong, steady, calm National Security and foreign secretary who i think convinced president bush in doing the right thing when we were facing such a terrible financial crisis. Meg whitman who is a very successful chief executive, always been a republican. Theres a long list of people like that who its not an easy thing for them. And i recognize that theyre putting country before party. Thats what they say to me. And i think t should be doing. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to take a break. Hillary clinton is here with us. Well be right back [ cheers and applause ] . You know, at the model year end clarence event, you can get a great deal on this 2016 passat. Steve. Yeah . Clarence is on a roll. Yeah. I wish theyd name an event after me. Same here. But the model year end becky event . Thats no good. Stevent thats just vandalism. Model year end event. Hurry in for a onethousand dollar volkswagen reward card and 0 apr on a new 2016 passat. The new chicken mcnuggets look fantastic made with 100 white meat chicken, no artificial preservatives, flavors and colors, it just might convince the judges here today. crowd cheers and theyve done it the new chicken mcnuggets rightfully claim their gold because an open road is always calling your name. Because life is sweet. Because every moment counts. Midfirst bank will always be true to your money with Convenient Services that help you maximize the joys in life. Hey phoenix, this is thunder dan jajerle, head coach at grand canyon university. Coming to gcu was a great move for me. Join antelope nation by enrolling as an evening student at our beautiful campus in the heart of phoenix. Earn your bachelors, masters or doctoral degree to take your career to the next level. Engage with Industry Expert instructors in small classroom settings where you can get the support you need to excel. Scholarships available. See you on campus go lopes find your purpose at grand canyon university. Jimmy we are back. Hillary clinton is here. John krasinski is on the way. That Democratic National convention started off, it looked like it might go south. And then i have to believe that as the person who is really kind of the subject of that fourday period, that had to be one of the best times of your life, right . It was, absolutely. Jimmy a room of all those people saying nice things about you. Yeah, that was nice. Jimmy yeah, usually you have to die to get that. Thats true but you know, im on the brink. Pickles. I really loved the convention. Because it really showcased a lot of americans who represent millions of other americans. People who are brave and courageous and outspoken. And thats what i wanted everybody to see. That we dont all have to agree on everything, but we should treat each other with respect. We should listen to each other. We should try to help each other. I dont think thats too much to ask. I think the convention did a good job in sending that message out. Jimmy when your daughter your husband writes a speech about you, do you as the candidate go through the speech before they deliver it . No. Jimmy you do not . Neither one of them . No, neither one of them. Partly because they have every right to say whatever they want to say. But also because i didnt want to interfere with whatever they were thinking and how they wanted to express themselves. And i was pretty nervous about everything anyway. So i didnt want to get more to can we have that videotape . He seemed it seemed like hed seen balloons for the first time in his life. [ laughter ] roll that one more time in slow motion. Look at how delighted he is. By the balloons. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy i feel maybe he hasnt gotten enough balloons in his life. Well, we were all pretty excited about the balloons. Thats one of the things i love about my husband is that he enjo jimmy like helium. Balloons is one of them. Jimmy this is your hotel room . Thats our hotel room. Dont tell anybody, he took a balloon for our granddaughter. You know, shes too little, she wasnt there the night before. Our nephews and our niece were. Bill took one of the balloons and the next morning we played with charlotte and the balloon. The balloon fantasy and excitement continues. Jimmy are you enjoying being jimmy do you wish you had more time that this campaign didnt coincide with the kids being so little . I think id be distraught if we didnt have facetime. Jimmy you do that a lot . All the time. Jimmy have you considered using facetime instead of email . [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually actually, i think thats really good advice. Jimmy not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. Its a good idea. Jimmy the state department i actually added it up today. The state Department Said that they have to release 15,000 emails by the deadline, a couple of days before the debate. Are you concerned about that . No. Jimmy because i would be terrified if my emails were released. But jimmy my emails are so boring. Jimmy yeah. Mine arent. Im embarrassed about that theyre so boring. So weve already released, i dont know, 30,000 plus. So whats a few more . Jimmy at the end, youre not concerned theres going to be something that donald trump is the republicans that comes in at the last second . But he makes up stuff to use against me. If he would stick with reality i wouldnt have a worry in the world. Jimmy have you ever sent him an email . No. Jimmy you have not, okay. That would be some plot [ laughter ] i think i have missed that opportunity. Jimmy i would like to give you an opportunity we have a fish bowl. Its got real quotes from donald trump. Okay. Jimmy my challenge to you is,an cracking a smile . With a straight face . These are actual quotes. You will select them randomly from this bowl. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if youre able to read them without laughing you get to keep the bowl. I get to keep the bowl . Jimmy all right, so go ahead. All right. Jimmy give it a go. Thats kind of yuck reserve. Jimmy yeah, like a Halloween Party or something. All right, okay. Jimmy take whatever you like, all right. Here we go. Jimmy these again are actual quotes. I think apologizings a great thing but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize sometime in the hopefully distant future if im ever wrong. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Well done. Profound, thats profound. Profound. Number one, i have Great Respect for women. I was the one that really broke the Glass Ceiling on behalf of women, more than anybody in the construction industry. Jimmy you think hes talking about actual glass that he broke . Well, i think some of his places have Glass Ceilings. Jimmy thats true. Yeah. Jimmy classy, all right. Who knows. Okay. Let me see. These are the milder ones, actually. If i were running the view id fire rosie odonnell. I mean, id look at her right in that fat ugly face of hers. Id say, rosie, youre fired. Thats not funny. Jimmy you have one more. Well see if you can do it. I mean, thats the whole deal. I mean, do you want a youre fired president or a youre hired president . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i like a little of each, a combination. Okay. Jimmy one more. I cant read this. Jimmy is it bad . I cant read it. Jimmy let me see which one. Ive said, if ivanka werent my daughter, perhaps id be dating her. [ di jimmy we didnt make these up, these are real quotes. All right, you do get to keep the bowl. This is nice, you can fill it with candy. [ laughter ] one more segment with Hillary Clinton, John Krasinskis here too, be right back [ cheers and applause ] ne in th. Thats right, a free Samsung Galaxy with every new line dont wait. Get a free Samsung Galaxy for everyone. So get tmobile now. music time after time by iron wine. . . Introducing mcdonalds new chicken mcnuggets. Made with 100 white meat chicken and no artificial colors, flavors and now no artificial preservatives. Happy anniversary dinner, darlin can this much love be cleaned by a little bit of dawn ultra . Oh yeah. One bottle has the grease cleaning power of two bottles of this bargain brand. Mmm this ham is great. See, we can agree. Out what . That was in finally, something the whole family can agree on. Oscar mayer deli fresh ham made with jimmy were back with Hillary Clinton. John krasinski is on the way. Do you think jeb bush is going to vote for you . Oh, i dont know. Jimmy do you ever talk to him . No, i havent talked to him . When is the last time you spoke to Bernie Sanders . At the convention. Jimmy at the convention, that was the last time, he doesnt call you . No, well, i mean, we are really working hard together. Campaign. Im very grateful. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i have a little bit of a bone to pick before we go. Oh, dear. Jimmy i assume youre aware of my historic run for Vice President of the United States. I am aware of it, jimmy. I am aware of that, yes. Jimmy when you were deciding who your running mate would be, at any point did anyone mention my name . Was that ever entertained . Oh, i want you to know we took you very seriously. Jimmy did you really . Yes, you were on the list. Jimmy see, i dont believe you picked tim kaine. Were you looking for somebody who looks like he jumped out of the front row at a jimmy buff let concert . [ laughter ] i was looking for somebody whos been a successful mayor, a governor, a senator jimmy ive been all of those things. Ive been a lot of those things. Never lost an election, has a great record. Jimmy its not too late to dump timmy and get jimmy on, you know what im saying . [ cheers and applause ] of that is wed just have to change the first letter. Jimmy easy, ill go with tim, no problem. I was really impressed he plays the harmonica so well. Jimmy you know what . I play harmonica just as badly as he does. Ive never seen you play the harmonica. Jimmy i do it in my car. Lets make a list of pros and cons. Okay. Jimmy i will come up with the cons and you come up with the pros as far as tim kaine goes. I think at the end youll see im the better choice. Con, he seems like the kind of guy who has a belt clip for his cell phone. Well, he is the kind of guy who is incredibly well regarded and respected and successful. Jimmy he will definitely and however he carries his cell phone is fine with me. Jimmy he will definitely do the macarena at your inauguration. I hate to break it to you but ill be doing it with him. [ cheers and applause ] state department dinner. Well have you worn crocs . Jimmy no. Well, see, i have. Jimmy oh. They can be quite comfortable. Jimmy he probably has a funny song on his voice mail, right . . Tim isnt here . Like that. Have you ever called his phone . Doesnt everybody have a funny song . Jimmy he probably has one of those hats with beer cans attached to the side. No, we made him get rid of that. Jimmy you did. Are you at all greet foreign dignitaries by asking them to pull his finger . [ laughter ] that was never raised. Jimmy well, with all due respect, i think the choice is clear to everyone here. Certainly in our audience. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i accept your unspoken but obvious invitation. Well, you know, im really, really sorry but weve kind of moved on. But here is what i would like to offer. Jimmy oh we could have like a vice i would love to be vice Vice President. I accept your offer. Thank you, secretary clinton. Im going to be the next vice Vice President of the United States [ cheers and applause ] oh, look take one of these home to bill. Hillary clinton, everybody. Be right back with John Krasinski [ cheers and applause ] crabfest is on at red lobster so come dive into dishes like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. Or try crab lovers dream with tender snow and king crab legs. Love crab . Then hurry, crabfest ends soon. [bell rings] i like to use my backpack as a basketball i use mine as a science experiment as an emergency umbrella. To help feed a friend. I just use my backpack for books and stuff. Americans, i dont understand you. Always working on vacation. Always multitasking. [baby crying] always busy making something. But what has all this ambition ever gotten you . That youre the greatest nation in the world . Where all your dreams come true . The galaxy note7 with s pen. Perfect for busy americans like us. [bark] . . . With this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. Introducing the completely redesigned eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Lease the e300 for 549 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Put some distance between you and temptation with. Meta appetite control. Clinically proven to help reduce hunger between meals. New, from metamucil, the 1 doctor recommended brand. Bill assumed it was a costume party. Bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. Assume nothing. Unlike hellmanns regular mayo, kraft Olive Oil Mayo has half the fat and still has great flavor. Jimmy we made sure that the secret service frisked our next guest extra tonight because he enjoys having strange hands on his body. He is the star and director of an excellent new movie the hollars which opens in theaters friday. Please welcome John Krasinski. Jimmy good to see you. First of all, thank you for sliding into the second guest spot to accommodate secretary clinton. I was really thrown by that. Jimmy were you . I got here and i thought, finally the respect i deserve. Having a full security detail. Jimmy you look like one of them. Great, youre patting everybody down, thank god, hes dangerous. Then i realized it was for a president ial candidate. Jimmy right, yeah jimmy how are you doing . Doing great, thank you. Jimmy you have two baby daughters at home. I do. Jimmy a toddler and a little baby, hazel and violet. Yes. Jimmy both named after colors. You actually remembered their names. Of course. He lives in space, guys. He just gets it from his assistant . What now . Got it. Zebop and hazebo. Jimmy is hazel enjoying violets presence in your home . Yes, absolutely. Know thats adorable and i get a lot of attention when i do things like hug her. As long as she doesnt mess with my stuff were good. Thats kind of the relationship they have. Jimmy theres little messing with the stuff because Violet Violet as not the most mobile person yet. Jimmy do you ever go, wow, i cant believe i have two little daughters. I looked today and they were holding each other in a picture emily sent, just so i would feel ult ultrabad not being there. She loves jimmy really . No, she was celebrating how sweet it was. I do say, i cant believe i have these two amazing girls. Are you helping out around the house more now that you have two babies . I do, i started cooking. Is that right . Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hold on. Dont clap for that. Absolutely clap for that. Jimmy why dont i know about this . It took me 36 years to learn to cook for myself. Jimmy id be less shocked if wait sill the next sentence. It started with a mothers day gift to emily. Its sad thats what impresses her, goes to show how unimpressive i am. Im going to cook you a meal. She was like, oh my god jimmy wow. That was my mothers day gift to her. Because shes from england, they do a lot of roasts. Im going to do a roast. It was sweet because my wife said what are you going to cook . I said, a roast. I saw her go, oh. I said, why . She says, its rave difficult, ch and i made one mean roast. Jimmy you did . Oh yeah. Jimmy what did you roast . Just a chicken. With some vegetables. Chickens tricky. Stuck some lemons up. Jimmy lemons in the hole, nice. That sounds like some war term. Lemons in the hole jimmy at best its a war term. Wow, im surprised. Dont be so surprised. Jimmy how regularly are you cooking now . Its every week now. Because i lost a bet. Jimmy oh. We made a stupid bet. Jimmy what was the bet . The bet was, emily said something about Leonardo Dicaprio being 41. And i said, how dare you. And i said, that cherub of a man i think that was my quote that cherub of a talent cant be more than 28. Hes not over 40. She said, if im right you have to cook for me every sunday. If youre right you get to play call of duty once a week. Jimmy oh. I thought, here we go, this is the good stuff. Jimmy i would have sided hes older than 40 . Hes 41. Come on. Jimmy oh, no. He should be cooking dinner at your house. Yes, i agree. Jimmy i was at your house on sunday. And emily did all the cooking while you and i looked at your record player. I told you. Im impressive at home. [ laughter ] you know, the new star wars trailer out, i was like, im not cooking tonight. Why are you doing that to my face . Jimmy i need the weekend off, huh . Its true. Jimmy i feel like i dont know you anymore. Break. When we come back, your new movie, you directed action, one of the many great stars of this film, the hollars. John krasinski is with us, well im no marketing guru. But this guy is. Hes from madison avenue. He likes to say things like. Raised without antibiotics. He invented to make chicken sound safer. And it doesnt mean much because, by federal law, all chickens must be clear of antibiotics before they leave the farm. Ive got more. Mom approved . Caffeine free . We think mr. Marketing guru would fit in better at a different chicken company. Ooh, i got it. Gluten free. All chicken is gluten free. I dont think thats. Oh, ok, it is. What are you cdoing . Stacy started seeing somebody. This is stacys house . You divorced her years ago. I agreed to the divorce, i didnt agree to some strange man hanging around my daughters. Oh, okay, we got to go. This is [ bleep ]. What . What is it . Get down hes at the window oh my god, mine doesnt work. Dont grab my seat hes coming. Hes coming. Hes coming. Hes coming. Hes coming over . Im going to kill you, im going to kill you. This is very this is very upsetting to me. Jimmy oh my goodness. The menacing josh. The hollars, John Krasinski, it opens in theaters friday. What a great job you did. Thats the guy from district 9 . Yes, thats his official legal name. I saw district 9 and thought, performances ive ever seen. Then i found out he wasnt an actor, he was a producer who stepped in and said, ill do it. Jimmy wow. How frustrating. Then josh groban comes, im a huge musician, what is this acting thing . And crushed it. Jimmy he did a great job. Hes very funny in the movie. Yeah. Jimmy hes deceptively funny, josh groban. For me i laugh all the time when hes around, very funny. Jimmy the word groban in general is funny. Who are some of the stars . Most most amazing actress margo martin dale. Jimmy shes unbelievably great. If you dont know who she is, you absolutely do, does that make sense . One of the best actresses around. Then i have richard jen dis, Anna Jenkins Jimmy how do you get these people to do a movie . I know some of you are really huge stars, anna kendrick, for instance, id like you to come jimmy jackson, mississippi, and theres no money in it for anybody, but youve got to raise the money. We paid them tens of millions of dollars. Jimmy did you really . Yeah. It looks like a small movie but it cost 273 million. Jimmy wow, my god. Yeah, that was a bad decision on my part. To let the budget get that high. I think we can do it, guys. Everybody go see it. 27 million times. [ cheers and applause ] the beauty of this movie is, be honest, theres a lot movies out there, i had no intention of directing a family movie. Then i read this script by jim strauss which is so unbelievably specific and real and honest. Its the best take on family ive seen. So i was so honored to do it. I think in a crazy world its nice to go back to things as simple and strong as family. Jimmy the clip is funny but its very sad. It is, yes. Its animated, the second half, guys. Jimmy i have to say the mom thats really nice. She reminded me of your mom. Jimmy oh, really, how about that. I think this is a competition and im going to win. Jimmy youre going to be playing jack ryan coming up . I am. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats a big deal. Yeah, a little bummed to hear other actors had done it. Jimmy theyre good actors. Who are these chumps . Jimmy harrison ford. Whos that guy . Jimmy chris pine. Pfft jimmy alec baldwin. Alec baldwin, now thats a guy i think ive hear jimmy youve heard of him, i think youre in a movie with him. Yeah, someone youre in a sexual relationship with, ben affleck is in it. He was jan ryan. Jimmy he was jack ryan. Thats awful, edit that out. Jimmy well cut that out, dont worry. Its going to be weird pillow talk for you guys tonight. Jimmy its very good to see you. See johns movie, he spent 257 million on this thing, the hollars, it opens friday. Thanks to john, thanks to Hillary Clinton, thanks to nightline is next, good night this is nightline. Tonight, wiped off the grid. Whats it really like to be in the Witness Protection Program . A rare glimpse through the eyes of children forced to live in secrecy. Ushered into black vans. Now all grown up, theyre asng the price . Plus, noah galloways remarkable journey from the battlefield to the ballroom. . Revealing how the dark struggle of losing an arm and a leg in iraq led him to living a life with no excuses. And tyra banks trades the catwalk for the classroom. Heading to stanfords Business School to teach