Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170520

Al madrigal and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 679 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] outrageous. Welcome, everybody, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers ] welcome, welcome. This is the show to be at tonight. Katy perry is here tonight you guys. Katy perry [ cheers and applause ] we got a hot show. Guys, heres what people are talking about. Theres another bombshell for the trump administration. The Washington Post is reporting that the Current White House official is a a person of interest in the russia investigation, but has was only revealed that its a a Senior Adviser. So a Senior Adviser in the white house could be anyone from steve bannon to ted nugent. So you dont really know [ applause ] who it could be. Its been a crazy week for President Trump with all the scandals that have come out. And today he left for his big trip to saudi arabia. You know things are bad here when you go to the middle east to get away from it all. [ applause ] really . Thats right, trump flew to saudi arabia for his first trip overseas. When asked why saudi arabia, an adviser said, we just wanted to see him on a camel. We just [ laughter and applause ] might be the flight to saudi arabia is actually 14 hours. Yeah, but trump was ready for the long flight. Before settling into his seat he formed his hair into a neck pillow. [ laughter and applause ] he formed his smooth. On sunday trump will have lunch with the leaders of over 50 muslim countries. And the first hour will be just trump trying to pronounce their names. [ light laughter ] king salami al scoobydoo. [ laughter ] i saw that a vintage rolex watch just sold at auction for a record 5 million. [ audience ohs ] when someone asked the winner what time it was, he still took his cell phone out to look. [ laughter ] i mean i read about an app that ranks gas station bathrooms by cleanliness. Right. [ light laughter ] if youre desperate enough to use a gas station bathroom youre going to spend time searching for the right one. [ laughter and applause ] i cant go in there. I really got to go but [ laughter ] finally, you guys, were very excited for this. The new season of the bachelorette premieres on monday. I am very [ cheers and applause ] i love the bachelor. I love the bachelorette. It premieres on monday. They just released a preview of where one of the guys introduces himself. Hes talking about something he calls waboom. Check it out. I look very average. Its all about waboom. Waboom. Its all about waboom. It is about waboom. [ laughter ] if you want a glimpse of it, i can give it to you now. Yeah. [ screech ] wawaboom thats just a glimpse . [ laughter ] jimmy i guess waboom is slang for red bull and bath salts. [ laughter ] there you go. Guys, we have great show tonight. Give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome to the show, everybody. Thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] waboom im so excited, man. Steve oh, my god. Jimmy good casting on that show man. Come on. Waboom. Steve waboom. Jimmy its gonna be fantastic. Steve its gonna be great jimmy who is the other guy i love the other guy on the bachelor. Remember the guy that, um he flew in a helicopter and he used to sing songs to the bachelorette . You remember him . He had they flew in an helicopter. I think that was ali. That was the season. She was a great bachelorette. [ light laughter ] and they landed somewhere, and hes like, you mind if i sing you a song . Like, no, go ahead. He was like when i first saw you on the helicopter [ laughter ] it was my favorite, man. Im looking forward to it, man. I cannot wait. Its just great, because it makes you feel good about yourself. Steve yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] jimmy it really does. Steve im not bad. Jimmy im bad, but im not that bad. I mean that is awful. Yeah, im not that bad. Hes probably a cool guy. I dont know. Steve oh, im sure. Jimmy yeah. Guys, we have a fantastic show tonight. Man, i love this girl. She has a brandnew album called witness, and shes performing on the Season Finale of saturday night live this weekend. Musical superstar katy perry is here [ cheers and applause ] witness. Steve come on. Jimmy well, you think it would be hard to see with your hands over your eyes. Steve you cant see with your hands over your eyes. I know that for a fact. Jimmy she can. Steve why is that . Jimmy she has an eyeball in her mouth. Steve what . [ laughter ] jimmy you didnt know that . Steve no. Jimmy its one of the true facts. Its katy perry. Steve are you serious . Jimmy a lot of mysteries, very mysterious steve shes very mysterious. Shes like a firework. Jimmy did you see her on the cover of vogue . Steve ooh, wow. Jimmy thats what im talking about man. Steve the mouth is closed cause thats where the eyeball is. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Shes hiding the eyeball there. Doesnt want to make a big deal about it. Steve no, no, no. Jimmy shes like, lets get over the fact that i have an eyeball in my mouth. Lets talk about anything else. Lets talk about fashion, life, whatever you want to do. And then you get the album, bingo. Hello. Steve boing mind blown. Bing boing. Jimmy bing. Steve thats a brain spring. Jimmy yeah, just blow your mind. Plus, i love it when this guy comes by. Hes one of my favorite actors but hes also just a great guy, he is a good husband, a good dad, a good dude. I love him. From the new movie the drowning and the new play the antipodes, the very talented josh charles is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] steve hes a delight. Jimmy and we have great standup from comedian al madrigal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] steve hes a funny dude. Jimmy shrimpin shrimpin aint easy. Steve its hard out there for a shrimp. Jimmy shrimpin aint easy. Steve shrimpin aint easy man. Hes a funny dude. Jimmy thats great. Guys, today is steve what is today . Jimmy well its not thursday, nicht, is it . Steve no, i think its freitag nicht. Jimmy is it fritag nicht . It is friday night and usually friday is when i catch up with some personal stuff. I check my inbox, return some emails and, of course, i send out some thank you notes. I was just wondering [ cheers and applause ] i was running a little bit behind. You guys mind if i write out my weekly thank you notes right now . [ cheers and applause ] fabulous. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Diego, can i have some think note writing music, please . Steve wow. Looks like he might be a senior white house adviser. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] thank you, President Trump, for being worse at keeping secrets than an 8yearold who knows about a surprise party. [ laughter ] um, um, theyre right in there, theyre waiting with the presents and everything. Steve theres no reason why the lights are off in this room. Jimmy theres lots of balloons. Thank you, instagrams new selfie filters for being a a great way to add extra flair to your photos or, as snapchat put it, been there, threw rainbows up on that. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh, snap. Jimmy did it already. [ laughter ] thank you, graduation ceremonies, or as people whose last names start with z call you, hell on earth. [ laughter ] [ applause ] steve zed zinnerman. Jimmy from a to z as well. [ laughter ] zed zinnerman. Steve im zeddlin. Jimmy thank you, pepsis new cinnamonflavored soda, pepsi fire. Even the cops thats in kennel jenner ad was like, eh, no thanks. [ laughter ] enough [ laughter ] you have any feelings about pepsi fire, tariq . Tariq i mean, you know, im im im over it. Steve youre over it . Tariq yeah. Jimmy what are you talking about . Hasnt even started yet. Steve youre with it before. Jimmy youre living through it. Tariq im already over it. Every summer they come out, you know, with a whole campaign. Steve yeah. Tariq you know what im saying. Yeah, cinnamon pepsi. If i wanted spicy sodas that will make my stomach hurt, i dont know. Ill go to taco bell. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy what . What . Steve the Great American jimmy what the heck is he talking about . Hes lost his mind. [ applause ] steve ill go to taco bell . Jimmy hes lost his mind. Whatever. Whatever here we go steve i dont understand. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, cannes film festival, or is it pronounced can . Cans . I cannes never remember. [ laughter ] i cannes never remember steve i cannes do it. That films in the cannes. Jimmy thank you, abc, for coming out with a new show called dancing with the stars, jr. Which combines americas three favorite things, celebrities, dancing, and judging children. [ laughter ] that was bad. Steve youre so bad. Jimmy youre awful. Steve get out of here. Quit crying. Jimmy three out of ten stars. Leave. Steve take your diaper with you. [ laughter ] jimmy why would a kid leave their diaper there yeah. Steve guard them now. Jimmy go crawl somewhere else. [ laughter ] thank you, caterpillars, for transforming into butterflies. Or as other insects put it, somebody got some work done. [ laughter ] just saying. Steve just saying. Jimmy thank you, pecans, for looking like walnuts that went on extreme makeover nut edition. [ laughter and applause ] pecan . Steve i say both. Jimmy pecahn. Steve i say pecahn, and i say pecan pie. Jimmy what do you guys say . Is it peecan or is it pecahn . [ audience responds ] jimmy hot button issue. Steve wow. Jimmy what is it pecan pie. What do you say, quest . Questlove peekon. Jimmy whatd he say . Questlove i say pecahn. Jimmy pecahn . No one says pecahn. Steve dont ask tariq. Dont ask tariq. Jimmy pecahn, pecan or peekon . Steve or pecan. Tariq i amalgamate them both. Steve pecahns. Jimmy pecahns. Questlove pecans. Jimmy he calls it a a peekon. Steve wow. Jimmy that sounds like a a weird mission from the army or something. Were on peekon. Steve were on peekon one. Jimmy i cant steve i pecant jimmy please, i pecant. Steve you pecan do it. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, five guys, for accurately describing my weight after eating at five guys. There you go right there. Those are thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with katy perry everybody [ cheers and applause ] [music conversation] music volume rises you guys wanna go . [whistles] get all summer essentials 30, 40, and 50 percent off. Hi, fashion. Old navy mathat are 100 from dennys. Rs starting at 6. 99, which is 100 awesome. 100 beef burgers with fries starting at 6. 99. 100 seriously. Ahyou the law . Weve had some complaints of. Is that a fire . Theres your payoff, deputy. Git velveeta shells cheese. Theres gold in them thar shells. Are you ok . What happened . Dad kinda walked into my swing. Huh . Dont you mean dad kind of ruined our hawaii fund . 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[ cheers ] her latest album witness is available june 9th. This weekend, shes the musical guest on the Season Finale of saturday night live with host dwayne johnson. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome katy perry [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] im so happy to be here. Ive been here before. Jimmy is that a panda earring . Yeah, its a panda hanging from a balloon. Jimmy thats interesting. We have a thing on our show. Hashtag is our panda. I literally had no idea. Jimmy have you ever seen our show . Are we like in a weird tunnel . Jimmy no, are we . A kismet tunnel . Jimmy what is happening . What is happening . Jimmy your third eye is showing. [ laughter ] wait, you hide it on your tongue. You dont see it when you see that. I swallowed it. Jimmy oh, no, what are you going to do . Its gonna be stuck in my esophagus for seven years just like bubble gum. [ light laughter ] jimmy lets talk about i want to get to the album. I want to talk about saturday night live. Saturday night live youve done three times, right . This will be my third time, which is a charm. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] they love you there. Im very, very excited. I love snl. Its a fantastic institution is what they call it. Jimmy no, i totally setting up the lighting, all these things, i think its going to be quite a a performance. Its the end of the season, so bringing out all the works. Jimmy you know how to do it, man. I mean, please. We saw you at the superbowl. I know nothing, actually. Seth a little thing oh, please. A little thing called the superbowl. I know nothing. Jimmy yeah, we saw it. Every time i think i know something, the universe just goes, no, you dont [ laughter ] jimmy but no, no you do, please. What songs can you give us a a hint what songs youre gonna do or no . Its definitely going to be lively. Jimmy well, its a live show, yeah. [ light laughter ] saturday night lively . Yeah, exactly. Jimmy saturday night lively. Its going to be spectacular. Jimmy okay. Yeah. Jimmy lively and spectacular. Yeah. Jimmy and those are not song titles. Theyre not, but youd think with me, it is. Jimmy yeah, it is with you, yeah. No spoilers and no hints. No spoilers. Youre just going to have to watch it on saturday night. Were dropping some fire. Its going to be litty. [ scattered cheers ] jimmy im learning so much, yeah. I mean isnt that what the kids are saying these days . Jimmy im 42 years old, sorry. Im 32. Jimmy this is gonna be so litty. Act your age jimmy im sorry about that. Whats up with this . Come on, supermodel, fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] youre on the cover of vogue. Discuss this with me. Talk to me about this. Who shot this . These guys mert and marcus. Theyre a fantastic duo. Jimmy mert and marcus . Thats correct. Jimmy two human beings. Two beautiful human beings, very artistic, very cool. Jimmy theyre gonna be like mert and marcus. Is like mertin is his first name. Like, they sound like muppets or Something Like that. Jimmy yeah. Mert and marcus. Are they puppets . No, theyre amazing. Theyre not puppets, but theyre perfect. Jimmy look at this. This is just gorgeous. Look at that guy. Thank you. Jimmy now, whats the idea behind all this . I guess its just, you know. Jimmy is it comme des garcons . Its comme des garcons. Its all comme des garcons. Its kind of this new jimmy yeah, no big deal. I knew who that was. [ laughter ] were good. Sell it. [ speaking jibberish ] [ laughter ] jimmy i call them this is my favorite one. Youre so cool. Look at this guy. [ light laughter ] i love that. I was actually so comfortable in that costume. Can you tell . [ light laughter ] its like having all the airline pillows just like, right there. Jimmy we actually have we have video of you film getting photographed by mert and marcus. [ laughter ] jimmy watch katy. Watch katy. Watch what she says. Watch. [ light laughter ] watch. Help me. [ laughter and applause ] oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] i love you, man. All right, thats exactly but you still rock it out, man. Listen. Jimmy yes. The world is such a dark place, we have to laugh through it. Jimmy we have to laugh through it. [ cheers and applause ] exactly. Thats the only way to do it. I want to ask about speaking of laughter. Jimmy no, speaking of fun and enjoyment, i want to talk about is this a painting . Its not. Its a photograph. And its jimmy why does it look it looks like, its like, its like, its got spray paint. Well, just because its kind of been digitized. Its like a digital take on it and stuff. Jimmy i love it. I dig it. Thank you. Jimmy and is that your signature . It says katy there. Thats my name. Jimmy i know your name. [ light laughter ] did you sign that . Is that how you sign it . No, i dont sign it. But this is the eye in the mouth. Jimmy no, i saw that. [ laughter ] because you would think if you want to see something, open your eyes and see it. You want to hear the story behind it . Jimmy no. [ laughter ] we have of course. Definitely. Are you kidding me . I want to hear everything you have to say. I love you. Lets talk about it. Sorry. No, i think you know, sometimes when you see an extra sometimes when you see an extra eye, you would see it like on, you know, your third eye. And for me, like, through this journey, its been a wonderful and incredible journey. And ive been able to share with you for over ten years music and im so grateful for it. Jimmy absolutely. [ cheers and applause ] but like, for me the wonderful thing is like, the music has allowed me to travel, which has reeducated my mind and changed my perspective on so much. And so like my education, my consciousness comes from my voice. And thats how i see. And thats how i witness you. And thats how you witness me. And thats why the eye is in the mouth. Jimmy haha, yes [ cheers and applause ] more with katy perry after the break, everybody. Stick around [ cheers and applause ] a naturally aspirated 5. 0liter v8 engine. A 10speed directshift transmission. A meticulously crafted interior. All of these are feats of engineering. Combining them with nearperfect weight distribution. Is a feat of amazing. Experience the firstever 471horsepower lexus lc 500 or the multistage hybrid lc 500h. Experience amazing. Mr. Brady, weve been expecting you. Will you be needing anything else . Not a thing. Beautyrest black. Get your beautyrest. Goal nitedhealthcare, you can get rewarded for waldad. Beautyrest black. We wanna welcome everyone to the father daughter dance. Walk, move and earn money. For outofpocket medical expenses. Hes ok unitedhealthcare everyday, millions of you walk through our front doors. And you inspired our new flavors. Introducing mcdonalds signature crafted recipes. Sweet barbecue bacon made with crispy onions. 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Jimmy and then swish swish is the new jam i just heard. Yeah, just dropped it last night. Jimmy you dropped it, totally. [ cheers and applause ] like a like a jimmy it was so dropped. Like a jimmy and then you do like a like a triple dab. Yes. Jimmy and it was so thats what the kids say. [ laughter ] every kid is out there saying katy triple dabbed it, man. Cool dad. Jimmy cool dad . Dad, stop that. [ laughter ] swish swish. Is that about anyone we know or i think its a great anthem for people to use whenever someones trying to hold you down, or bully you. Jimmy there you go. [ cheers and applause ] ill leave it at that. Thats kind of what this record is about. Just like 360degree liberation. Kind of chained to the rhythm was this political liberation. Bon appetit was a sexual liberation. And now i think this is kind of swish is represents the liberation from all the negative that doesnt serve you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i love that. How many tracks . There are 15. Jimmy 15 tracks . Yeah. Jimmy thats a lot. I know. The kids want it all these days. Jimmy they just want it all. Ill literally put out this record on june 9th and theyll be like, so when is kp5 . Whats the next thing . Jimmy whats the next one . Yeah. Theyre like, ah jimmy no, we just worked on this forever. Yeah. Are you excited about this . To drop an album, to tour . Yeah, im so excited, i have a tour thats starting september 7th. Jimmy you like going on tour . I love it. Because im a little bit of a a detail freak, and i love routine. It makes me very comfortable. And i just love connecting with people, like meeting people and seeing them, and like seeing that were all so real, and were all so in this together. Thats what touring does, is it makes you like kind of get out of your bubble, and go to different cities that you had no idea about previously, and you learn about the cities, and the culture. Jimmy you get out and go see oh my gosh. The greatest thing so last time i was on tour we just had incredible cultural experiences everywhere we went, and this time i got to partner up with boys and girls and boys and girls club of america, which is exciting. Jimmy yeah, i heard about this. Yeah. Were doing a partnership with them where each ticket sold theres a dollar donated to each boys and girls club. And the great thing is that, like, of course, i can donate my money, but my money sometimes look, truth of the matter is i have a good amount of it. Jimmy sure. What i dont have is time. So im going to donate my time here. Im going to go and visit boys and girls clubs. Im going to go and see how theyre shaping childrens lives who they are the future. Thats where its all going to change. If you can keep kids educated, keep kids in school, keep them feeling like they have a a community, thats going to be the most important part for our future. So [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fantastic that youre doing this. 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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy you can see our next guest in the new movie, the drowning which is currently playing in select theaters and will be on itunes june 1st. Hes also costarring in the antipodes, which is running through june 11 at the Pershing Square Signature Center here in new york city. Everyone, please welcome josh charles [ cheers and applause ] my man. Josh charles in the house. Thank you, hey guys. Jimmy welcome to the show. Its always great to see you. I love running into you, and i always have fun hanging with you and talking with you. Um, yeah, i guess so. [ laughter ] jimmy why are you why are you you didnt you didnt you didnt seem to have a lot of time for me at the snl after party when you hosted that night. Jimmy im sorry about that. I wanted to talk. Me and my friend zog whos the warmup act who you guys all saw for a little bit. Jimmy yeah. We tried to say hi to you, you bigtimed me. You were hanging out with harry styles jimmy i wasnt hanging out [ cheers and applause ] Lorne Michaels. Jimmy Lorne Michaels. Like you dont see Lorne Michaels every day . Couldnt walk over . Jimmy i just hosted saturday night live with harry. So i was like, oh, my gosh, josh, im going to come right back. Im just busting you. Jimmy i know, i know you are. You were tired. Jimmy you were jealous. I got to talk to your wife, which was really nice. Jimmy i know, but i was jealous that she got to talk to you. It was fun. It was great. You were great that night. Good job. Jimmy youre a good man. I appreciate that. I got to meet your baby. Thats the coolest thing ever. What a cute kid. Its pretty great. Jimmy how does it feel, man . You know, its exhilarating, exhausting, both my wife and i, its a daily grind, you get through it every day. But i love it. Its one of the greatest things ive ever done. Jimmy its unbelievable. Hes awesome. Yeah. Jimmy hes super cool. Hes so cute. Hes like almost two and a a half. Super into music. Jimmy what was it . She was saying that she dressed himself today . He did. He dressed himself. He was very excited. Hes backstage running around. Jimmy hes two years old, hes a tiny human being yeah, thank you. Jimmy and hes wearing like skinny jeans. Yeah, hes got his little skinny jeans and his vans on. Jimmy vans, oh so cool. And he loves hes really into music. Quest, i think you would like that, too. Jimmy oh really . He likes to play drums. He likes to play guitar. He loves you know what he loves all like the morning theme songs. Like, he always wants me to play them. Jimmy like all the cartoons . What is he in to . Yeah, well hes just like, hes always like, dada, play, you know, daniel tigers neighborhood. like, i just can whip it out of my butt or something. Jimmy yeah, i know, yeah. So, i grab my guitar. Im like, go get me the iphone, let me just find the chords, and i play it, and hes into it, and he laughs and he loves it. Then hes like, okay, now play thomas the tank engine theme song, like i got all of them in my head. Im like, i dont know thomas the tank engine. jimmy me neither. I looked it up and i couldnt find it. So i just like made up chords, and he didnt seem to care. [ laughter ] jimmy he was like, perfect, you nailed it dad do like, a little neil young version. I will survive just as long as thomas the tank engine i know ill be alive jimmy i dont know why i played gloria gaynor. I know. Its pretty jimmy why not . I love that these guys are right with you though. Jimmy well, the roots know whats up. Man, yeah they got to be on their they know every song yeah. I want to talk about your film. I want to talk about your play. You do so many fun things, but this one, the drowning, like a psychological thriller. Yes. Yes. Jimmy what drew you to doing stuff like this . I yeah its funny, i never worked in that genre. I loved the book by pat barker which is called border crossing. Jimmy are you a reader . Do you read a lot of books . Um yeah. [ laughter ] is that all right . Jimmy what are you reading . No, i i like to read a lot of different things, but i jimmy anything you want to tell us for the summer, any summer beach reads . [ laughter ] right now im not doing a a ton of reading because im doing this play. Im kind of busy. But i do jimmy i do kindle now because i cant well because i dont finish any book i read. You dont . Jimmy i start reading it. I just get excited about another book and i forgot where i was on that book, and it starts stacking up on my end table, and it just really it bothered my soul. So you just dont have to see them as much. Now theyre just all on the kindle. Jimmy exactly. And you can pretend that you read them. Jimmy correct. Thats good. I like that. Jimmy i read two chapters of every book i get that. That makes a lot of sense. I definitely have a lot of books on my shelf that i havent read yet and gotten around to that i want to get around to. Jimmy so you read this book, and you so i read this book, but then i met betty gordon, the director who is actually here tonight as well. Shes fantastic. Just fell in love with her. The film was very personal for her. So i was really excited to be a a part of it and work with her. Shes a real talent. Jimmy its in select theatres now, and also on itunes june 1st. Then i know that youre on kimmy schmidt this year. Yeah, just dropped today on netflix. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we can talk about that. Its fun. Its fun. Jimmy i love, but you can do drama, you can do comedy, and now youre doing live, the antipodes. Yes, this is fun. This is an amazing experience. Andy baker is one of my favorite playwrights. Just thrilled to be a part of this play. Were running now, extended four times till june 11 now and, great cast of actors. Jimmy thats what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, its a real i just feel really blessed to work with this great cast. Were all having so much fun. Jimmy what is can you describe the play . Its just you know, the plays amazing. I mean its just it takes place in a Conference Room and its about a group of storytellers working on the next great story. And a lot of things happen from there, but its great just being back on stage and working with someone like annie. Jimmy do you like doing live . I love it. I mean, i love it. I think, part of whats fun is every night Something Different happens. Audience, sometimes they talk to you. You know, they talk to you like theyre in their living room. We had this one woman the other day. Theres a couple pauses at certain moments in the play. During this one extended pause, this woman in the front row was like, is anyone going to say anything . [ laughter ] just a very quiet jimmy i can hear you im standing ten feet in front of you. The nine actors, we just sort of, are we going to react to that . Then the guy brings a a chalkboard over, and hes writing stuff, and shes like honey, talking to him like its her nephew. Honey, we cant see it on this side. Turn it towards us. We cant see what youre writing. [ laughter ] we have a whole bunch of boxes of la croix sodas in the on the set. Jimmy yeah, la croix, la croix. Is it is la croix . Jimmy no, youre right. La croix. I have no idea. [ laughter ] jimmy i have no idea either, but im learning. I was asking you. I just call it la croix. Jimmy la croix . La croix . La croix. Jimmy have you ever had the pecan flavored la croix . [ laughter ] oh, pecan, thats interesting. Yeah, pecan. Jimmy pecan la croix. Pecan la croix. That all makes sense, yeah, pecanflavored soda. I mean the thought of a a pecan flavored soda, actually, i just spit up a a little bit in my mouth. [ laughter ] thats truly nauseating. Jimmy call someone at pepsi, theyll do it. [ laughter ] but actually the la croix, la croix, whatever you want to call them, theyre very good. And one night some guy came on the set and he was going to his seat before the play began, and he tried to open up the box. The stage manager said, hey, you know this is a set, you cant hes like, oh, sorry. Sorry. Then after the play he went and grabbed a soda and put it in his jacket. [ light laughter ] jimmy just took one for the road. He took one, and i was like sir please can you he was like, im sorry. Jimmy i paid enough money i saw them drinking. Im going to get my drink. Im going to get my drink on. Jimmy get my drink on. You have a show tonight. Yeah. Jimmy and i was wondering how is he going to get to the theater in time . Because you actually have a a live show tonight. I do. Jimmy and so, but you told me that you can teleport. Yeah. Jimmy and i never well, you say that, but i well, i mean we talked about it privately, but its not something i talk about a lot. But i have a magic zipper, and i just i go up and down with it. [ laughter ] jimmy the zipper is the teleportation device . That is how the teleportation works, yes. But you have to go up and down a lot on the zipper very fast. [ laughter ] why are you laughing . Jimmy im not laughing. Its just ive never heard of it. You asked me a question, and now hes laughing at me. Jimmy no, im not laughing at you. Im laughing with you, and im like saying im intrigued. Yeah. You just want me to show you. I can show you how to do it. Jimmy can you show us how to do it . Yeah, i can show you how to do it. Jimmy you can teleport right now . Im going to teleport to the signature theater right now. Jimmy alright, go for it, take care, josh. Good to see you buddy. So you just start with the zipper like this. [ laughter ] i dont know if this is working. Jimmy yeah, i dont sometimes it takes a little time. Just give me a second. Jimmy guys, i dont know if you can do. Quest, can you play some music . I need a little something. Jimmy can you play there you go, thank you. Jimmy i dont know if you can do this on television, youre not teleporting at all. [ laughter ] its fine. No just jimmy, jimmy, just be quiet for a second. I need [ laughter ] i need a little jimmy what is going dude, youre not teleporting. I cant teleport if youre talking in my ear. Jimmy this is insane. A lot of people are watching this. Can i put a blanket on you or something . [ laughter ] yeah, do something. I dont know. Sometimes it takes i think its cause because its so cold in here. Jimmy oh please, its not to cold in here, please. Hold on. [ cheers and applause ] basically jimmy i think it makes it it makes it worse . Jimmy it think it makes it worse. Okay, sorry. Jimmy it makes it worse, but josh, i dont know what is happening. Oh, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. Okay, whoa, whoa. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy he did it. Oh, my gosh. He really just teleported. Did he really just teleport . Hey, jimmy. I made it to the theater just in time. Thanks for having me on the show. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my gosh. That was unbelievable. He really did it. Thank you so much for being here, josh. Break a leg, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] josh charles. Go see him in the antipodes, at the Pershing Square Signature Center. Well be right back with comedian al madrigal. Stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] this is lynchburg, tennessee, home of jack daniels. A small town with big dreams of having their own. Nba team. What . We know its not the most exciting place in the world. But we have no shortage of team spirit. And while were not exactly known for our abilities on the court, we do know a thing or two about developing a franchise. Jack daniels the most exciting thing about lynchburg, tennessee. For now. The most exciting thing about lynchburg, tennessee. We, the deviceloving people, want more than just unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. So we can stream unlimited action. Punch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If youre into that. But we also want more. Like unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now . No can do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides, youre really good at it james dont settle for any unlimited plan. Get at t unlimited plus. And, now get the amazing iphone 7 on us. Hey richard, check out this fresh roasted flavor. Looks delicious, huh . Yeah. And how about that aroma . Love that aroma umph craveability, approved irresistibly planters. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. Its about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. 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But no one reads this stuff anyway. Except for the old guy with the binoculars. Huh. We got ourselves a reader. Dont be fooled by at t. Xfinity delivers the fastest speeds to the most homes. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest writes on and stars in a new tv show about the 1970s standup comedy scene in los angeles. Its called im dying up here. And it premieres june 4th on showtime. I think its produced by jim carrey. And his latest standup special shimpin aint easy is currently available at showtime. Com. Please welcome the very funny al madrigal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Appreciate it. I just, i just went to my first black barber shop. [ light laughter ] it wasnt a choice. I just saw the barber pole and i needed a haircut. And i walked in. And i saw it was all black guys. At that point you cant just go, oh, sorry. [ laughter ] didnt know it was one of these ones. And walk away. [ laughter ] i stayed in there. Took it. I got the straight razor shave. Im not sure if you know what im talking about, the oldtimey shave with the hot towel on your face. But im highly allergic, so i take an allergy pill almost every single day. I have an inhaler. If anyone wants to mess with me, no need to heckle. All you gotta do is throw one of those fabric softener sheets up here. [ laughter ] break out in hives and run away. So i get the shave and this guy takes this handful of this aftershave eucalyptus times ten stuff this only black guys know about. [ laughter ] and he slaps it on my raw face. And i can immediately feel my skin just go [ gasp ] what the hell is that . Thats not in the list on acceptable products. Thats not on the list of acceptable products and you know what i said . Nothing. [ laughter ] because like all black guys, i want these black guys to think i was cool. Right . What am i going to say . Excuse me, extremely cool black guy, try to apply, what type of after shave do you have there . Because im highly allergic. Take an allergy pill almost every day. [ laughter ] i use a hypoallergenic deodorant. Pretty sure its for women. [ laughter ] i didnt say anything. Those guys could have rubbed a a cat, some pollen and a a handful of shrimp on my face. [ laughter ] the old cat and shrimp shave. Thanks a lot, fellas. And ran out of there. But also, im doing pretty good on my new years resolution. I picked an easy one. Thats what you got to do. Mine was no chipotle. [ laughter ] never going to chipotle again. I dont like it because its too nice, too well lit. [ laughter ] Everybody Knows if you want good mexican food, its got to be a little scary. [ laughter ] roach coach parked out front of a mechanics shop, midnight. Thats how you get the good stuff. You got to walk up, order fast, order scared. [ laughter ] como estas . [ laughter ] three el pastor tacos, por favor. [ light laughter ] get the hell away from me [ light laughter ] i also like to check out some of their other items. You cant do that at a a chipotle. Excuse me, cuanto cuesto this deadpool dvd . [ laughter ] and how much for the socks . [ light laughter ] i also brush up on my spanish when im there as well. Another thing you cant do at chipotle. Excuse me, como se dice can your pitbull please stop licking me. [ laughter ] how do you say that . [ light laughter ] thats right, guys. So bad allergies, half mexican, horrible spanish. This is the American Dream right here. [ laughter ] youre looking at him. Its true. [ cheers and applause ] i like to think its specifically this. I got a husband and wife in a a strawberry field. Shes about to break down, and he says, dont worry, maria, everythings going to be okay. [ light laughter ] imagine this is all in spanish. [ laughter ] because one day were going to have a grandchild. And that grandchild is going to be allergic to dairy. [ laughter ] his arms are going to be defined not from lifting full buckets of water but from lifting of kettle bells made to simulate lifting buckets of water. [ laughter ] and hell work out while the finest lulu lemon outfit money can buy. [ laughter and applause ] and this boy will have astigmatism so severe that he will never be eligible for lasik surgery, no matter how affordable it becomes. [ laughter and applause ] or how much the technology progresses, because i will keep working for this boy. [ light laughter ] and here i am. Thank you very much, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy al madrigal. [ cheers and applause ] al madrigal. His comedy special shrimpin aint easy is available now at showtime. Com. Well be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ whistles ] internet speeds 20x faster. At t fiber sounds amazing. Wait a sec, im not done yet. Less than 12 of at t homes actually qualify. Huh. Hold on. Everyone else gets our other, slower internet speeds. But no one reads this stuff anyway. Except for the old guy with the binoculars. Huh. We got ourselves a reader. Dont be fooled by at t. Xfinity delivers the fastest speeds to the most homes. Whether youre after supreme performance. Advanced intelligence. Or breathtaking style. Theres a cclass just for you. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Lease the c300 sedan for 399 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, al madrigal right there, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] this is who did this who did this drawing here . This great kid felipe flores. Yeah, you can find him on instagram. Hes amazing. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy you just found him and just said yeah he wanted me to charge me 50. And i said, uh, no. Jimmy 25, yeah. [ light laughter ] ill pay you 100. Jimmy good for you, man. He just does amazing work. Jimmy youre a good guy, man. I want to thank katy perry for being on the show, tonight. Josh charles, al madrigal, everybody, once again. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thanks for watching. Have a great weekend. I hope i see you next week. Byebye everybody. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight rachel maddow, from saturday night live, comedian beck bennett, music from all time low. Featuring the 8g band with josh dion. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, everybody, im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] so good to hear. In that case lets get to the news. Ivanka trumps new book women who work rewriting the rules for success went on sale today. So if you want to know the secret to ivankas success, its all right there on the cover. [