And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 673 brunei. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, come on. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Welcome everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. This is the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. Thank you for being here. Well, heres what people are all talking about. Of course, the big story still trump firing fbi director, james comey. And it turns out comey had six years left on his tenyear term. Yeah. That story again. Its easier get out of your fbi contract than it is your at t contract. [ laughter and applause ] its much easier. I still cant. And in the middle of all this, trump met with Russian Foreign minister yesterday. The Russian Foreign minister. Yeah. And the white house says russia tricked them by posting photos of the meeting. Got suspicious when the photographer told trump, okay now to silly one when you hold up nuclear codes. [ laughter ] its the nuclear code. You need show me springtime. Show me springtime. [ laughter ] what . Show me springtime . Comeys just the latest senior official trump has fired and get this, he just released a a list of other people he wishes he could fire and his reasons why. Steve really . Jimmy yeah, for example, trump wants to fire steve bannon. Yeah. He said he just found out hes not after the guy who makes the yogurt. Lame. Dannon. Steve dannon with a d. Jimmy not dannon. Steve dannon, yeah. Jimmy next, trump wants to fire ryan seacrest. [ laughter ] he said im creating tons of jobs, he keeps taking them all. [ laughter and applause ] he does a lot of jobs. Steve hes got a point. Jimmy and finally, trump wants to fire kim kardashian. He said, she stole my duck face look. And i go, well thats [ laughter and applause ] you invented that . Show me springtime. [ light laughter ] this made me laugh. This week, mike pence was speaking at a white house event and there were a lot of kids there. They didnt seem too interested in what pence had to say, but take a look at this. We have the great privilege of of having a son and a a daughterinlaw who are serving our country. Our son is in the United States marine corps and [ laughter ] please, calm down. Calm down. [ laughter ] jimmy thats pretty much a a Cabinet Meeting at the white house. Thats what happens. [ cheers and applause ] excuse me, excuse me. Some tv news, it so the next season of scandal will be its last. Yeah, abc is ending scandal. Fortunately the white house picked it up for four more seasons. [ laughter and applause ] so dont worry about it. We got enough. You guys, mothers day is this weekend. Thats right. [ cheers and applause ] happy mothers day to all the moms out there. I saw that a strip club in las vegas is offering a dinner special. [ laughter ] when asked what they do for fathers day, the stripper said, what are fathers . [ laughter ] steve wow. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, youre shocked and now you like it. Its okay. Steve come on. Guys, finally i read that blue cross is partnering with lyft to give people rides to the doctor. It costs 600. The drivers are specially trained and its just an ambulance. They clearly we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, everybody. We have a great show tonight. She stars with Robert De Niro in the new Bernie Madoff movie the wizard of lies, Michelle Pfeiffer is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] steve come on jimmy Michelle Pfeiffer. Plus we are so excited, twin peaks is coming back on showtime. The star of that series, Kyle Maclachlan, is stopping by. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy michelle, kyle and i are playing a game of password later on in the show. Be sure to stick around for that. Plus we have great standup tonight from mark normand, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy mark normand. Very, very funny guy. He has a special steve does he really . Jimmy on Comedy Central that i think amy schumer is presenting. Steve oh, good. Jimmy yeah, absolutely. Guys, its time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. Hashtags hashtags jimmy hey guys, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. So since mothers day is this sunday, i sent out a hashtag called, mom quotes. And i asked you guys to send us funny, weird or embarrassing things that your moms have said. We got a huge response. In fact, within 30 minutes, it was a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you. [ cheers and applause ] and now i thought id share some of my favorite mom quotes from you guys. Here we go. This first one is from martycheddar. He says, my mom always forgets movie titles. Her favorite movies is youve got mail. But ive heard her call it, you have internet. [ laughter and applause ] this one is from rachelle1101. She says. Instead of l. O. L. , my mom will text, otah which, according to her, standing for oh, thats a a hoot. [ laughter ] steve oh, thats a hoot. Jimmy oh, thats a hoot. Otah. Steve otah. Jimmy otah. Oh, that is a hoot. Steve thats two hoots. Jimmy thats a tootle. Tootles. Steve tooter. Jimmy otah. Otah, i think it can catch on. Thats good. This one is from elenagendron. She says, my mom used to whistle at old men in public. When they turned shed elbow me and say stop that. [ laughter and applause ] steve thats the best. Jimmy thats a pretty good bit. Steve how rude of you. Jimmy this next ones from mistyfox. She says, one morning my mom asked me if i took a goober home the night before. After thinking about it, i said, mom, do you mean uber . [ laughter and applause ] did you take a goober home again . Yeah, i guess i did. Jimmy this one is from kaitbly17. She says, my mom said to me, tell your brother he needs to stop with the playboy. He was 7. She meant gameboy. [ laughter and applause ] gameboy. Steve oh, thats a hoot. Jimmy he just plays it for the articles. [ laughter ] this ones from madisonbellis10. She says, my mom once said to me, i dont want my instagram to be private because i want my haters to know whats up. [ laughter ] steve yeah. Whoa. Boing. [ applause ] [ light laughter ] jimmy this ones from natehoot. Steve thats a hoot. Jimmy oh, thats a hoot. Thats a real hoot. Otah. Steve otah to the max. Jimmy otah. Steve haters gonna hate, hooters gonna hoot. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy you got it. Steve higgins, there he is. Love you, buddy. Love you, man, love you. Steve higgins, everybody. Steve higgins. Three years in the business. Hey, youre back. Steve yeah. Jimmy what happened . Steve not a hoot out there. Jimmy yeah. This one is from natehoot. He says, every time i email my mom something with a link in it, she immediately calls and asks, will this destroy my computer . [ applause ] no, im your son, im not going to try to destroy your not purposefully trying to destroy your computer, mom. Parents just dont understand computers. Am i going to be like this . Steve yeah. Something with the glob glip. You dont even know what it is yet. Hasnt been invented. Jimmy its not even invented yet, yeah. I try to facetime with my family. My mom and dad, they dont understand. They dont know where the cameras aimed. Its going up their nose . What . Where are you . What . I cant see me. Youre not supposed to. Dont even worry about you. [ light laughter ] look at the kids. Where am i . Where are you . No, youre home. [ laughter ] im taping cardboard over the camera. They can see you. No ones trying to spy on you, dad. [ laughter ] take my secret recipe. Yeah, right. Breaking into your hard drive, please. This ones from from peachesk1974. She says, my mom referrs to jon bon jovi as jovi bon jovi. [ laughter and applause ] steve come on. Jimmy not bad. Steve not bad. Thats jovi bon jovi. Jimmy this ones from from thelordhasspoke. [ laughter ] steve try to ignore those tweets. Jimmy he says growing up my mom would often say if you kids didnt cost so much i could drink wine that comes out of a a bottle. [ cheers and applause ] absolute drink, i love it. Box wine, man. Steve big old box wine. Like in a refrigerator. Jimmy nothing wrong with it man. Steve like in a a refrigerator box. Jimmy nothing wrong with it. Yeah, exactly. This ones from zawackanator. Steve zawackanator. Jimmy wasnt that your nickname in college . Steve it was. That was before twitter. [ laughter ] jimmy how many steps did you have on your fitbit . Steve 30,000. [ laughter ] 30,000 when im wearing it on my right hand. Jimmy 30,000 and you havent left the room yet. Ekp steve when on m none. Like zero. [ laughter ] jimmy there he is. Get out of here. I love you, man. Here we go. Were down to our last one. Its the last one here, everybody. This one is from brygreenspan she says, my mom sent me a text saying i love you with a poop emoji at the end of it. I asked why she sent the emoji. She said, i thought it was a a hersheys kiss. [ laughter ] there you have it. The tonight show hashtags. Happy mothers day, moms. Check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Well be right back. Were playing password with Michelle Pfeiffer and Kyle Maclachlan. Come on back. [ cheers and applause ] all 10 seasons in one sitting. That was amazing. The ceiling is all spider webs. We missed grandpas 99th birthday. Im actively trying to stand up right now. And his funeral. Oh i have a beard. Oh a chip. laughter Binge Watching isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Thanks captain obvious. How long have you been here . Unlock instant savings now and earn free nights to use later. Hotels. Com. Hawe got you this. oh, boys. And i got you this. Edible arrangements for mothers day. Order in store or online. This isnt a competition. Its always a competition. [ cheers and applause ] steve welcome back to the tonight show, everybody. Its time to play password. [ cheers and applause ] steve our first team tonight, she stars in the wizard of lies on hbo, and hes the host of the tonight show. Its Michelle Pfeiffer and jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] and their opponents, hes the emcee of the legendary roots crew, and he stars in the new twin peaks. Say hello to Tarik Trotter and Kyle Maclachlan [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh. Steve the rules of the game are very simple. Ill give each of you a a password, and then youre going to give a oneword clue to get your partner to guess the password. One word . Steve one word, only one word. Jimmy yeah. Steve the team with the most points after four words win. The first clue goes to michelle and tarik. Jimmy hmm, hmm. The password is Steve Michelle . Jimmy oh, sorry. You look in there. Oh. Steve why dont you start us off, and its one word. Jimmy one word clue. Steve one word. Jimmy michelle, we got this. Come on. Get in the zone. Autozone. [ laughter ] you ready . [ laughter ] yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Parasol. Jimmy umbrella. Steve yeah, boom [ cheers and applause ] dang gee jimmy unbelievable. Steve hoy jimmy that was unbelievable look, were alright steve oh, my gosh. Jimmy thats fantastic. Steve kyle . I knocked the table over. Jimmy all right. Steve jimmy . Jimmy oh, yes. Thank you. The password is steve kyle, youre up first. Jimmy mmm, mmm. Steve one word. One word, kyle to get to two. [ light laughter ] [ clears throat ] wha [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy judges . Judges . Steve he said, kwaw. Jimmy yeah, he said, kwaw. Steve kwaw. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hyphen. What . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. [ clears throat ] [ bocks ] [ laughter ] tarik chicken. Steve oh [ audience ohs ] jimmy. Close. Jimmy polly. Parrot. Jimmy yes [ cheers and applause ] steve yes jimmy feels great steve oh, my gosh. Jimmy he helped out with that one. That was good. That was good, yeah. All right. Jimmy that was good. That was good. Steve tarik and michelle . The password is steve tarik, why dont you start us off . Tarik okay. Jimmy dont lose this for your team. [ laughter ] steve no pressure. Tarik nap. [ light laughter ] [ sighs ] [ light laughter ] sleep. Tarik oh. Steve michelle. [ light laughter ] he seems pretty confident. Jimmy yep. Um. Uh. Jimmy nap, sleep, its in that area. I get it. Uh, uh. Jimmy it could be doze. Its not . [ light laughter ] doze. Jimmy no. [ laughter ] doze . Jimmy okay, no. [ laughter ] oh, stop. I just gave my own clue. Okay, look sleep, nap, doze. Gosh. I didnt mean to say that, sorry. [ laughter ] sleep, nap, doze. [ light laughter ] narcoleptic . Ooh [ laughter ] steve almost. Narcoleptic. Tarik, back to you for four points, four sweet ones. Im getting into it. Tarik clock. Oh. [ laughter ] tarik dont over think this. Okay. Jimmy oh, i got it steve too late jimmy i got it no jimmy yes i do steve not yet not net [ clears throat ] cool your jets. [ light laughter ] jimmy whats your fitbit number up to right now . [ laughter ] steve just between the commercial, 45,000. Jimmy congratulations. Very nice. [ light laughter ] i do not know. No. Jimmy were gonna take home the win. Oh, no. Jimmy were gonna take home the win. Were gonna take home the win. Ugh, uhh. Jimmy you can take any oneword you want. I got it. I got it. Uhh. Hmm . [ light laughter ] no, rest, rest. Steve no. Jimmy just say any word. I got it. Button. Jimmy snooze, yes [ cheers and applause ] steve oh, my gosh. All right. Tarik button, that was great. That was great. That was good. Steve final one. Jimmy that was good. That was great, yeah. Steve final clue. Jimmy whew. All right, final one. Here we go. All right. The password is steve jimmy, why dont you start us off . Jimmy okay. Okay. Jimmy sweet. [ light laughter ] sour . Jimmy yes [ cheers and applause ] oh, my steve oh, my gosh jimmy ive never seen it we crushed ugh jimmy we are the champions we are the champions [ cheers and applause ] we crushed my partner, the best partner ever, Michelle PfeifferKyle Maclachlan. Tarik trotter. [ cheers and applause ] were talking to michelle after the break. Stick around, everybody thats never happened ever, ever [ cheers and applause ] weve always been dreamers. Weve been a symbol of the future. A standard. A star. But our past is just that, past. What lies ahead is in our hands. We are pioneers. Making cars that push the limits of imagination. Cars you can drive without your hands. Cars built for tomorrow. So, our greatest achievements cant lay behind us. Because our destiny lies ahead. Thats what it means to drive the world forward. Thats what it means to dare. So ammara, youre a verizon engineer, tell me, whats one really good reason why the Samsung Galaxy s8 is better on verizon . Well we have the largest 4g lte network in america. Yeah thats a pretty good reason. And the most reliable. Uhhuh. And, with unlimited, you get full hd video. Oh wow, yeah, thats, uh, two, maybe even three reasons right there. Its exactly three. Okay. Sure, whatever you say. vo if you really, really want the best, switch to verizon unlimited and get the galaxy s8 for just 15 a month. I saw you take those phones, you know. No, you didnt. T. J. Maxx asks, shes pretty and nice like me. She is special. He knows me better than my husband somedays. My mom likes pink. Mommy loves roses. Its a surprise. You picked this out by yourself . Its a purse. I know you love purses. I do celebrate the unique mom in your life, with values everyone will love. Happy mothers day [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a threetime oscarnominated actress who stars opposite Robert De Niro in the new hbo movie, the wizard of lies, which premieres may 20th at 8 00 p. M. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Michelle Pfeiffer [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you are a great partner, a great person to play a game with. Oh, thanks. Jimmy its fantastic. We just crushed. That was fun. Sometimes i choke on those kind of games. Jimmy oh, really . Yeah. Jimmy do you play, like, charades and those things like that . Yeah, we actually do. Jimmy you do . On every thanksgiving, we have big family gathering. Jimmy yeah. It gets pretty wild. Jimmy yeah. Pretty raucous. Jimmy you know, we have something in common besides being champions at password. [ light laughter ] we both we both worked at a a grocery store. You did . Jimmy yeah. That was my first job. Get out. Jimmy there was a lot of stories i want to get into, but did you start you start were you bagging . I started as a box girl. Jimmy okay. [ light laughter ] uhhuh. Jimmy box girl, yeah. And i was really good. Jimmy yeah, i was a bag boy. And, um jimmy box girl and bag boy. Yeah. Jimmy we could make a a movie. [ light laughter ] we could have a competition. Jimmy yes. Oh, next time you come on. I did that with Ellen Degeneres once. And she won, but she cheated. Jimmy yeah. Yeah. Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] i wasnt watching, and she was totally cheating. Jimmy oh, really . I was focused on the task at hand. Jimmy exactly, hello. Yeah. Jimmy ellen, we got to talk. Uh, yeah. Anyway. [ light laughter ] jimmy well figure this out. Yeah. Jimmy you started as a box girl . I did, i did, and jimmy then, did you get to cashier . And i yeah. I was stock clerk, and then i was a cashier. Jimmy me, too. My cash register, i could not get it to balance, ever. [ light laughter ] jimmy i didnt like the cashier part because i had to do a key check. Oh, you know, yeah. Jimmy a key check. I had a key check. That was submitted for me, but honestly, its what launched me, finally, into acting. Jimmy well this is the story i want to get into because i heard that you got discovered. You worked at vons, right . Is that the i did, at vons supermarket, yeah. Jimmy did you get discovered being a cashier . Well, that isnt exactly what happened. Jimmy it isnt . In fact, no. [ light laughter ] that didnt happen at all. Jimmy oh, no it didnt . [ laughter ] no, no jimmy i got a picture, wikipedia page. I changed it. [ laughter ] no, is that on there . [ laughter ] jimmy no, no, no, i made it no, i made that up. Um. Um, im glad to know where you get your research from. Jimmy yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] absolutely. Jimmy no, i made that up, yeah. No, i think alan carr made that up when i did grease 2. Jimmy yeah. Because it kind of sounded i dont know. Jimmy its a good kind of a good story but not true at all. Jimmy yeah, really not true at all . No. Jimmy because actually, i lived in l. A. For a while before i got saturday night live, and i was just a standup comedian. And i knew the story, or i heard this story about you. And so, i perform i used to the i did it once. I did standup in the parking lot of a vons. And how did that go for you . Jimmy no one discovered. It was awful. It was a waste. [ laughter ] but as a comedian, you have nothing you can do all day but with you wait for night. I love that. Jimmy yeah, because you didnt do gigs during the day. So i would watch General Hospital and then and. Jimmy go to vons. [ laughter ] in the parking lot. Jimmy but so, you didnt get discovered there. You just no. Jimmy no, not at all but how did you get then, the big break was what . Was it grease 2, or was it scarface . Well, um jimmy both, the combo platter. No, um, grease 2 was before scarface. Jimmy it was before scarface . Yes. Jimmy the scarface, thats when you, like, became Michelle Pfeiffer. I yes, yes. [ laughter ] jimmy well, you always were. You always were, but thats when you yeah. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy how was auditioning for that . Was al pacino, was he intense . Um, well, he was probably more intense back then or i think it was maybe the nature of the project, and he didnt particularly want me for the part, you know. Jimmy he didnt . No. Jimmy really . Look, my last credit before that was grease 2. Can you blame him . Jimmy well, no, i [ laughter ] i know. Jimmy scarface could be a a fun musical. Who knows . So, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy well see. Its gonna be on broadway, and well be laughing. Well look back on this and laugh. Yeah, scarface, the musical, yeah. Yeah. Say hello to my little friend say hello to my little friend you know, that could happen. Jimmy thats what im saying. I could. Yeah. Jimmy so, wait, you go on the audition. He doesnt want you for that. Hes like, no. It was really it was a a very long and drawnout auditioning process. Jimmy yeah. And there were a number of women auditioning, and it went over a period of about i dont know. It seemed like forever, but i think it was about two or three months. Jimmy wow, just auditioning. And i was terrified. Jimmy yeah. And i was really young, and knew he didnt want me. And as it went on, the worse i got because i got so afraid. By the end of it, Brian De Palma was really sweet. And he was really rooting for me, brian. Jimmy yeah. And he said, you know, im sorry, but youre just bad now. Whats going on . [ laughter ] and you know, and it was true. And i was like, i know, i know. Im just, like, so up in knots. And so, he was like, its not going to work out, babe. Okay, right. So i went away. And then about a month later, they called and said, we want to screen test you. And i was like, ah. Because part of me was relieved to have the torture end. [ laughter ] jimmy and move on with your life. And then he called, just i thought, no so, anyway, i showed up, and i kind of drag myself. And i have, you know. Im just no feeling at all that i have any shot of getting this. Jimmy yeah. So it kind of freed me up, you know. And then, sort of, i wasnt afraid. I just show up, and we do this scene in the restaurant scene at the end where i kind of freak out at the end. Jimmy oh, yeah. And, um jimmy yeah, trash the place. I threw dishes, and everything went flying. Jimmy yeah. And i broke things. Cut. I was in it. Jimmy yes and theres blood everywhere. [ laughter ] jimmy what . And everyone comes running over to me, checking me out for blood. Where am i cut . Theyre not finding anything. Theres no cuts on me. Jimmy oh, yeah. I look over, and al is bleeding. Jimmy oh, no [ laughter ] oh, my god. You cut al pacino . I cut al pacino. Jimmy oh, my god i cannot believe youre throwing these dishes [ laughter ] broke a dish. I cant do al pacino. Oh, my god oh, i cut al pacino jimmy no, way oh, my god jimmy and thats how you got the thats how i got the part. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so you learned a lesson. Thats what you have to do, you have to cut al pacino a bit, show him whos boss. Youre fantastic in wizard of lies. Thank you. Jimmy you and Robert De Niro. As soon as i heard about this project, im like, i cant wait to see it. And it lives up to everything i wanted to see. Man, oh, man, it is a dark story. Yeah. Jimmy a crazy story about Bernie Madoff and the madoff family. Hmm. Jimmy you play ruth. Mmhmm. Jimmy his wife. Mmhmm. Jimmy and just what goes down. You dont even understand how many lives he it just its just such a a modernday tragedy, you know. Jimmy ooh. The lives that it affected and the lives that he destroyed. Jimmy it just gets more painful as it goes. Yeah. Jimmy oh, my gosh. Did you get to meet ruth at all . Um, i did. Jimmy you did . I did. [ gasps ] yeah, and you know what . She was awesome. Jimmy she was . I mean, she was, you know, understandably guarded, and but way more gracious than she really needed to be. And i was surprised, actually, that she was willing to meet me. And, um, i i i in fact, i hesitated to contact her. Um jimmy yeah. And i shared that with her. I said, you know, i was sort of surprised that you agreed to meet me. And she said, well, id be surprised if you were playing me and you didnt want to meet me. Jimmy really . [ laughter ] and, you know, i mean, thats how she is. Jimmy yeah. You know, shes just really direct and really clear. Jimmy i didnt know a lot of the details of the story, and i didnt know about its just a tragic, tragic all the way around, but the sons and what happened. Yeah. Jimmy its just dark and just i want to show everyone a clip. Heres Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert De Niro in the wizard of lies. Take a look at this. Did you finish up packing up the apartment . Not much left to pack. Im taking everything. They even said to me, were going to need your underwear and night gowns. Who said that . The u. S. Marshal. What would they want your underwear for . To sell it. Theyre gonna auction it off. Its unbelievable. Nothing is off limits to these people. I dont even like to think about it. Its so spooky. Have you spoken to the boys . No one speaks to me. Jimmy ooh. [ cheers and applause ] Michelle Pfeiffer, everybody [ cheers and applause ] the wizard of lies premieres may 20th at 8 00 p. M. On hbo. You are fantastic. Kyle maclachlan joins us next. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] mathat are 100 from dennys. Rs starting at 6. 99, which is 100 awesome. 100 beef burgers with fries starting at 6. 99. 100 seriously. So find a venus smooth that contours to curves, the smoother the skin, the more comfortable you are in it. Flexes for comfort, and has a disposable made for you. Skin smoothing venus razors. Internet speeds 20x faster. At t fiber sounds amazing. Wait a sec, im not done yet. Less than 12 of at t homes actually qualify. Huh. Hold on. Everyone else gets our other, slower internet speeds. But no one reads this stuff anyway. Except for the old guy with the binoculars. Huh. We got ourselves a reader. Dont be fooled by at t. Xfinity delivers the fastest speeds to the most homes. Um yeah, i love coming up here. Because it is beautiful. And uh, it helps put things into perspective, you know . From my point of view, a big thing is the gasoline that i use. I find it pretty reassuring to know that no other gas can beat the cleaning i get from chevron with techron. Its engine cleaning that you really cant top. No gasoline cleans better than chevron with techron. Care for your car. Im sorry. Am i in your spot . Jack vo things get a lot more jack vo vampires wake up. Jack vo werewolves come out. Jack vo the boogie man gets his boogie on. Jack vo and my hashbrowns turn into my new munchie mashups. Jack vo they come with crispy hashbrowns and tasty white cheese mashed up with your choice of savory egg and bacon, buffalo chicken and ranch, or jalapenos and bacon. Jack vo so you can keep going until the sun comes up. Jack vo ouch, thats gotta hurt. Jack vo introducing my new munchie mashups. Only at jack in the box. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a fantastic actor who stars in the highly anticipated new twin peaks. Its one of my favorite shows. [ laughter ] it premieres sunday may 21st at 9 00 p. M. On showtime. Everyone, please welcome Kyle Maclachlan [ cheers and applause ] oh, man. Jimmy welcome back to the show. I always love seeing you. Youre a stud. And you have thanks thats my little guy. [ laughter ] jimmy how cool is that . You have a doll. Thats the mini cooper. Jimmy its a mini cooper. Thats great. [ laughter ] ive got a dune doll, ive got a flintstones doll, and now ive got a cooper doll, so. Jimmy and who makes these things . Ive never seen these. Funko. Jimmy theyre really, what . Theyre awesome. Jimmy what did you say . Funko. Thats the name of the company. Jimmy okay good, yeah. [ laughter ] i dont know if you can say that on tv. Can you say that . Does that get a pass . Jimmy every time you i always bring up saturday night live when i see you. Because its one of my favorite hosted saturday night live ever. You were so great. Oh, that was so much fun. Jimmy every sketch was killer. It was great. I did some with mike myers. [ scottish accents ] jimmy scottish. Its a scottish show. Jimmy haggis. I loved it so much. I remember the cowboy sketch. You remember this one . Yeah, that was the one with dana carvey and phil hartman. So they asked me when you go to snl, they say, what can you do . I said, i can sing a little, i can dance a little, whatever. And they said, would you sing a song with us . I said, absolutely. So dana and phil and i, sang a a little cowboy song. And they dressed me in a little cowboy outfit with a hat and everything. And we were singing a song about basically its about slaughtering cows. [ laughter ] but it starts out really nicely. Jimmy yeah, it sort of progresses. More and more jimmy you just start describing, slaughtering cows. Yeah, what actually happens. And certain things happen. Jimmy its very dark. Then i thought that was the bit. And they said, at the end of it, i want you to do this one thing. I said, okay. So you take your hat off like this, and you look in the camera and you say, hi, im k. D. Lang. [ laughter ] jimmy i love that. Hi, im k. D. Lang. I had no idea who k. D. Lang was. Jimmy really . Not when we did the show. So i had to look her up of course. And shes an Animal Rights activist, vegan, very, very [ laughter and applause ] yeah. Jimmy it was fantastic. Probably better that i didnt know. Jimmy but it was great. Im so excited about twin peaks coming back. Me too. Jimmy im freaking out. I dont know what they havent really shown any clips or photos or anything. No. Totally. Jimmy and david lynch. Hes back. Hes back. Is he back. Jimmy really . Oh my gosh. This is going to be like something you havent seen in television. I dont think in film either. This is going to be earth shattering. Jimmy i almost dont want to meet david lynch, cause hes the nicest guy. Jimmy right . Hes cool, right . Hes so cool. Jimmy you worked with him on dune too. Dune, was the start. And then we did blue velvet together. Jimmy absolutely. And then we went to, twin peaks. Jimmy you guys just got along . Yeah, from first time we met we connected, we clicked. And we sort of were from the same part of the country, were both from the northwest. And, i dont know, we just kind of hit it off and just now work together. Jimmy the first, seeing twin peaks when i saw it the first time, it was just so different. I dont know how to describe it. At the time, i didnt see anything like it. Even theme song was so eerie and cool and great. And dont even tell me if its coming back or not, because if it does, im gonna freak out. Good, thanks. Jimmy but i bought the casingle of it. What . Jimmy the casingle. Is that like [ laughter ] jimmy quest, you know what a casingle is. Questlove yeah. Is that like funko . [ laughter ] jimmy no, its not a funko. Totally different thing. Jimmy casingle is a a cassette. Its like a 45 but its a a cassette. See i remember 45s. Jimmy okay, good. Its the cassette 45. [ laughter ] im glad we cleared that up. Jimmy but i love it, i dug it. I cranked it. I was like [ humming twin peaks theme ] oh magic. Jimmy the roots, everybody. They know every song. Perfect. Jimmy i think that song was even i think it charted in the billboard top 100. Yeah, yeah, i think he won angelo, i think that single won jimmy the grammy . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy it was fantastic. But so different and all the characters are different. In fact that was a great sketch on snl, too. Yeah, that was cool. The twin peeks thing. Jimmy jan hooks was on fire. And victoria jackson. It was fantastic. Yeah, it was fun. Jimmy so can we say we dont even know . Cant say a thing. No, i can say something, but id have to kill you. [ laughter ] what i can say, what i can say is this one thing. It was damn good coffee. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im going to go nuts no jimmy im gonna to go nuts. Im gonna go nuts. Im gonna go nuts. I saw you on it is instagram, i want to say and somebody asked you to describe the dune plot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thats right, on twitter. They asked, they said, could you explain dune to me. And i do my account and i follow along and i help people. I said, gosh, i said, thats going to be a tough one. Then i just started fiddling around with emojis thinking that might be the way to go. This is what i came up with after a couple glasses of wine. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the plot of dune. I mean, youre the greatest. Thats unbeatable. This is going to be. You got everything in there. My favorite is you got to walk without rhythm wont attract the worm. [ laughter ] that was a good one. Jimmy i mean, i love the this is legendary. I love it so much. I thought i could play a game with you where i could show you some emojis and you guess what projects of yours. I hope its better than password. My gosh. [ laughter ] jimmy you were pretty good at that. No i wasnt, thank you for saying. That was awful. [ laughter ] you know what, i went for the laugh on the first one. That was the big move. Jimmy thats all we need. This is television, come on. I appreciate that. Ready for this . Im ready. Jimmy first ones easy. Bring it on. [ laughter ] seriously . Jimmy i love it if you didnt guess it. I was gonna go, the flintstones no, damn, thats not it. Jimmy no, its not the flintstones. Ready . Yes. Its not, the brady bunch. Jimmy no. Desperate housewives. Jimmy through go. Desperate housewives. [ cheers and applause ] im much better at this game than i am at password. Jimmy guess the emojis. Heres the last one. All right. Im ready. That would be sex in the city. Jimmy thats what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. Guys, Kyle Maclachlan, the twopart premiere of twin peaks airs sunday may 21st at 9pm on showtime. Well be back with standup from comedian mark normand. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] a naturally aspirated 5. 0liter v8 engine. A 10speed directshift transmission. A meticulously crafted interior. All of these are feats of engineering. Combining them with nearperfect weight distribution. Is a feat of amazing. Experience the firstever 471horsepower lexus lc 500 or the multistage hybrid lc 500h. Experience amazing. Get 25 off nike for mom. Thats 25 off select nike shoes, apparel and accessories just in time for mothers day and, everyone gets kohls cash earn it on everything spend it on anything right now at kohls. Quin was crazy about curls. But it took a twist of fate to find a highend curler at such a head turning price. And thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Hawe got you this. oh, boys. And i got you this. Edible arrangements for mothers day. Order in store or online. This isnt a competition. Its always a competition. Stasave on gifts for momls and get kohls cash for you pick out a diamond ring for just 79. 99 and get 10 kohls cash a cookware set and get 20 kohls cash or the Fitbit Charge 2 and youll get 30 kohls cash kohls. [laughs] you have a side that is retired playing tag and gettin tired. You have a side that saves for their tuition. But right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. A side that owns your own store. Looks like you need to expand some more. Thats why theres nationwide. They help protect and grow your many sides. Nationwide is on your side. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, guys. Be sure to tune in tomorrow night. He is a fivetime world series champion and one of the best Baseball Players of all time. Derek jeter will be here tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] i love derek jeter. Plus from the new netflix series, 13 reasons why, Katherine Langford will be dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from father john misty. [ cheers and applause ] thats all tomorrow night. Its gonna be great. [ applause ] our next guest has a standup special called mark normand dont be yourself premiering this friday at midnight on Comedy Central. Making his tonight show debut, everyone, please welcome mark normand. [ cheers and applause ] hey, all right, all right. Good to be here. I live in new york. This is nice. This citys crazy. I drink too much. [ light laughter ] i actually got let go from a a job for being drunk at work. Yeah, my boss called me in and goes, get in here mark. Its clear youre a high functioning alcoholic. [ laughter ] i was like, wow. How did he know i was also high . [ laughter ] i dont know. I drink a lot. cause im a weird guy. You know, i got some problems. I cant make eye contact with people. See . That was tough. [ laughter ] im working on it. Its too intense, too intimate. I dont know how you people do this all the time. Every time i look someone in the eye im like, well, i guess were gonna kiss. [ laughter ] im a feely guy. Everything makes me uncomfortable. Certain words i cant say. Makes me feel weird. I love you, ah. [ laughter ] i cant say that. I can barely say croissant. [ laughter ] what a horrible word. Its so pretentious. I cant even order one, im like ill take a muffin, screw it. [ laughter ] yeah, awkward guy. Socially awkward. I know im socially awkward because i asked my friend what his biggest fear was. He said losing his child. He said, whats your biggest fear mark . I said, accidently hitting the facetime button on my phone. [ laughter ] is there a more terrifying moment than that . In i cant have people see me when im not ready . Ive got weird stuff going on in my room. [ laughter ] im eating tuna out of a can, got half a boner, an old yearbook open. Its weird. [ laughter and applause ] oh, yeah. I dont know. Im a mess. Doesnt help that im an introvert. Any introverts here . [ cheers ] hey, all right. You guys rarely speak up. Yeah. [ laughter ] not fun being an introvert. No one gets us. I was in an uber once. The guy was like, so youre an introvert. Tell me about that. Im like, well, thats not really how it works. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, tough. Hard to be around people all the time. Day jobs. I dont know how you guys do it, nine to five . Eight hours with this group, then 5 oclock rolls around, some guy goes, hey, we should all get drinks what are you insane . You want to hang out more . Were done, we did it. [ laughter ] were outside the walls. Lets go home. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, we like being alone. We do. You ever go out to eat with a a guy. Hey look at that dude, sitting by himself. Youre like, i know, living the dream. [ laughter ] but you know, im trying to get it together. Im in therapy now, you know. Everybody should be in therapy. Youre all youre all a a mess. [ laughter ] we should all do it. Its good for you. Everybody works out their muscles, why not work out your emotions . Ill be hanging out with a a friend, hes like all right, man. Take it easy. Im gonna go work on arms and back. Im like, cool, im gonna work on letting go of the past and accepting love. [ laughter and applause ] yeah. I think my weirdness has hurt me with the gals. Im seeing somebody now, but boy i was a bad dater. I went on a blind date once, right when the girl saw me, she goes, hey, i bet wed have really cute kids i was like, all right, i bet wed have great sex. She goes, whoa, slow down. [ laughter ] i was like, slow down . Youre nine months ahead of me. [ laughter and applause ] i dont know. I will say this. One thing i learned. Im sick of good looking people. Im done with you, men and women. You think everything you say is interesting. I went on a date once with a a girl once. She was gorgeous. Way out of my league. Beautiful woman. But she had nothing to say. Boring, no personality. I kinda checked out at one point. And she goes, look, i can tell you dont like me, but you want to sleep with me. I was like, well, yeah, but thats your fault. [ laughter ] she was like, screw you, im more than just a pretty face. Im like, but thats all you worked on. Hours on your hair, makeup, outfit, get a funny knock, knock joke together. [ laughter ] i dont get these good looking people. Spend 100 of the time on their looks, zero on their personality . You just assume that parts amazing . Why wouldnt you have to work on that too . I know im not a hot guy. Before a date im writing jokes on my hand, limericks, anecdotes. Im bringing it, baby. Im tap dancing out there. [ laughter and applause ] you know, if a girl told me, hey, mark, youre funny but not that hot. Id be like, i know, thats why im funny. [ laughter ] gotta fill in the gaps here, you know . [ light laughter ] but when youre single, you miss love. Love is good. You want somebody to love you. But thats the thing. We all want the love part, but nobody wants to do the work. We just want the love. Nobody wants to call you and check in and get yelled at. We just want the love part. [ light laughter ] its kind of like a dog walker. We all love our dogs, but you pay somebody to do the stuff you dont wanna do. Pick up the poop, walk it. Wouldnt it be great to have a a girlfriend walker . Just some guy on the sidewalk walking eight girls like, all right [ laughter ] tell me about your day. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. Yeah, uhhuh, yeah. Get angry at me about a dream you had. [ laughter ] tell me youre not mad when you clearly are. All right. Cry now. Cry now. Right . Then you get your girlfriend back, did she cry . Took a while, but she cried thanks a lot, im kevin hart. Have a good night [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how you do it buddy mark normand mark normand, right there his comedy special, mark normand dont be yourself, premiers tomorrow at midnight on Comedy Central. Well be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] businessman 2 weve gone over the numbers several times, and. Businessman 1 yea, yea, yea. You know what im craving right now . Businessman 1 over speaker guacamole and bacon. Audio tech we got a craving go go go music crashing cravings in the crave van. Jacks gonna crash your crave jack hey guys, try my guacamole and bacon chicken sandwich with all white meat chicken, guacamole and pepperjack cheese. Businessman 1 thanks jack. Wait. Were on the 18th floor. How did you get here . Jack hard work. Jack vo you crave it, we serve it. Try my new guacamole and bacon chicken sandwich. Music crave van [ cheers and applause ] jimmy mark normand once again, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the special aires tomorrow tomorrow at the special aires tomorrow at midnight. Yes, sir. Jimmy on Comedy Central. Congratulations. My thanks to again Michelle Pfeiffer, Kyle Maclachlan. [ cheers and applause ] mark normand once again, everybody. A funny, funny man. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania of course. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow, byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight aziz ansari. Host of nbcs world of dance jenna dewan tatum. Music from lany. Featuring the 8g band with thaddeus dixon. [ cheers and applause ] ladies anentlemen, seth meyers. Good evening everybody, im seth meyers. This is late night. How are we all doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. Acting fbi director Andrew Mccabe testified before the Senate Intelligence committee today. It went like this, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth