Stand up from the lucas brothers, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 663. Yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what you want. Thats a crowd right there. Looking good. Looking good out there tonight. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is the one you want to be at. Heres what people are talking about. This is nice. I saw that the white house invited reporters to bring their kids with them this morning for take your kids to work day. Or as trump calls it, every day. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but it was really sweet, trump asked the kids what they want to be when they grew up and then they asked trump what he wants to be when he grows up. [ laughter and applause ] a ghostbuster. [ laughter ] you want to be a ghostbuster . Paul ryan even had a few kids in the audience when he was talking to reporters today. And listen to what one of the kids said when he was taking questions. This is real. Thank you, mr. Speaker. Steny hoyer and democrats say that they will uhoh. Uhoh . [ laughter ] jimmy uhoh. It actually wasnt a child. It was the voice inside paul ryans head. Hes like oh buh buh, uh oh. [ applause ] theres a lot going on in washington right now. Trump is working on a new budget. Tax reform, healthcare and trade. So to make sure he doesnt forget anything he actually likes to set reminders on his phone. Let me show you what i mean. For example, he has this one reminder that says play tetris to practice building the wall. [ laughter ] he needs a reminder. Steve he needs to remind himself of that. He might forget. Jimmy his next reminder says, have assistant finish New York Times crossword puzzle. Leave on desk so people think i did it. [ applause ] that works. Next one reminds him to find out if tax plan is available as book on tape. Just read it. Just read the thing. Next one says south korea equals good, north korea equals bad. Steve wow. Jimmy remember that. Steve you got to remember that. Dont get them mixed up. Jimmy and finally his last reminder says 3 00 a. M. , tweet 3 00 a. M. The perfect time. [ cheers and applause ] i saw that trump appeared with education secretary betsy devos yesterday. Trump had three words for betsy. Really exceptional job. Betsy said, i have three words for you. Thank you. [ laughter and applause ] this is pretty big, President Trump has abandoned his plan for the u. S. To withdraw from nafta even though it was a key issue during the campaign. I guess he wants to focus on a a different nafta called north americans for twitter attacks. [ light laughter ] thats right, trump had threatened to withdraw from nafta and he has been talking to canadian Prime MinisterJustin Trudeau and mexican president , enrique pena nieto, about it a lot. Now, many people say that trudeau and pena nieto are some of the best looking World Leaders but i think all three of the nafta leaders have a lot going for them. Take a look at this. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] jimmy i figure they all got something going. Steve they got it. They got it going on. Jimmy meanwhile, trump just released his new tax plan and treasury secretary, steve mnuchin, said that it would be the largest tax reform in u. S. History. Take a look at what else he had to say. First mnuchin said, President Trump is very serious about mnaking mnajor tax cuts. [ laughter ] then he said, did i mnmention its the largest tax reform in u. S. History . The president along with mnmyself are dedicated to mnmaking mnamerica great again. Finally [ cheers and applause ] finally, he said, thats our mnmission. Anyway, if you mneed mne ill be eating mnmm and mnms, while watching my favorite actor mnmatthew mnmcconaughey in mny favorite mnovie, and mnagic mnike. There you go. Thats [ cheers and applause ] steve mnarvelous. Jimmy but trump is still struggling with his approval rating. In fact, i heard about a new antitrump bar that just opened here in new york city. Where all the profits go to causes that appose President Trump. Its getting pretty popular. Take a look at this bar. A new antitrump bar in manhattan is giving patrons the chance to put their money where their politics are. The founders of coup say that the space is in response to republican president Donald Trumps administration. Jimmy hold on. Can i i think i noticed something in the background. Can we go back to the bar and zoom in . Yeah, thats it. [ cheers and applause ] the best customer. Steve wow. Thats a big drink. Jimmy couple of frozen margis. Steve thats like a a scorpion bowl. Wow. Jimmy Cinco De Mayo somewhere, dude. You guys see this . To get to get to a meeting at the white house yesterday everyone in the senate took a a bus from the capitol. Theyre not really used to traveling like that, but look at what they said during the ride. Bernie sanders said, can we change the Radio Station . Why is it always top 40 . What about the bottom 40 . Theyre the ones who need our help the most. [ cheers and applause ] the bottom 40. Next, ted cruz said, i thought this would be a perfect time to eat an egg salad sandwich. On a tiny bus . Steve on the bus . Jimmy and finally, im not sure how she got on the bus but betsy devos said the wheels on the bus go square and square. [ cheers and applause ] steve thats not a square. Jimmy no, just let her sing it. Actually, guys i saw that United Airlines fell by 66 in an annual survey of passengers favorite airlines, down to just 3. 3 . Although, that means that 3. 3 of travelers saw a man get dragged off a plane and thought, this is my favorite airline. [ laughter and applause ] steve what . Jimmy this was kind of weird. Federal agents just seized 300 pounds of yak meat that was illegally smuggled into jfk airport. [ laughter ] and somehow jfk still smells less like yak meat than laguardia. I dont know even how thats possible. [ applause ] steve yak meat. Jimmy yak meat. Speaking of yak meat, taco bell is in the news. [ laughter ] steve hey oh jimmy no, i love taco bell. Theyre in the news. I saw that theyre going to start selling beer, wine and margaritas at their locations in canada. Between that, healthcare and legal weed, canada is so popular, theyre thinking about building a wall. You cant come in here. Its a party. And finally, this is pretty amazing. A startup in sweden is testing Artificial Intelligence to try to talk to dolphins. Until now, the closest weve come to hearing dolphins talk was watching keeping up with the kardashians. Hi, guys we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats the band. Thank you, roots. Hey, guys, tune in tomorrow night. The legendary martin short will be here. [ cheers and applause ] plus, from girlboss britt robertson. And were going to cook with jessica seinfeld. Its gonna be a good show. And also we might have a a special appearance from jiminy glick interviewing donald trump. Steve really . Jimmy thats the rumor. Steve thats the rumor. Jimmy thats what i heard. But first we have a giant show tonight. Shes great in everything she does. Shes having a big, big year. She stars in beauty and the beast and now, costars with tom hanks in a new film called, the circle. Opening this friday. Emma watson is stopping by. Steve oh jimmy come on. [ cheers and applause ] emma watson. Steve come on. Jimmy shes good. Steve the best. Jimmy going to be she s a delight. [ cheers and applause ] plus hes the host of the emmy nominated series united shades of america, he has a new book coming out next month w. Kamau bell is dropping in. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy also joining us tonight, theyre pizza tossing prodigies. They call themselves the jersey pizza boys. Michael and Nicholas Testa are here today. [ cheers and applause ] they throw pizza around. Steve so good. Jimmy i love stuff like that. And two of my favorite standup comedians, the lucas brothers are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] they have a new netflix show. I love these guys. They are so good. Every single time. Guys, it is time for tonights show hashtags. Here we go. Hashtags hashtags jimmy hashtags. Hey, guys, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag and then we ask you guys to respond to that topic. So i heard about i heard about this dentist who supposedly pulled someones tooth while riding on a a hoverboard. Everybodys talking about it. Its one of the strangest news stories ive seen in a while. So i sent out a hashtag called, my weird dentist. I asked you guys to send us funny or weird stories about your dentist. We got a giant response. In fact, within 30 minutes it was a trending topic in the u. S. [ cheers and applause ] so thank you for getting involved with us. We love doing that. Now i thought id share some of my favorite, my weird dentist stories from you guys. Here we go. This first one is from mitchbytes. [ light laughter ] steve hes tweeting about a a dentist, mitch bytes. Jimmy mitch bytes. Well, yeah. He bites probably thanks to his dentist. Steve yeah. Jimmy but bytes. Steve oh. Jimmy like a robot. [ laughter ] steve mitch bytes. I dont have a dentist. Jimmy do not compute. He says, when my dentist takes off my bib, he always puts on a a british accent and says, were the lobster to your satisfaction, sir . [ laughter and applause ] i like that. They were, jeeves, thank you. This ones from watras1, he says, my old dentist always tapped my nose and said boop before looking at my teeth. He did it until i was 20. [ applause ] enough of the booping lets get to the get to dental work here. This one is from bug1981, she says, my dentist pulled my wisdom tooth and held it over me exclaiming, its a boy [ light laughter ] this one is from adrunkteacher. [ laughter ] steve wait, what . Jimmy he says whenever he put me under anesthesia, id hear him say as a joke, okay, i have no idea what im doing. [ light laughter ] thats a classic. Steve come on. Jimmy thats a classic. You got to like that one. Steve come on. Jimmy thats a good one. Steve props. Jimmy this one is onthejohn247. [ laughter ] steve on the john 24 7. Odd that he would tweet. You know, the john. Jimmy on the john 24 7. Steve 24 7, yeah. Class. Jimmy he says my dentist puts conversation notes into a a database to remember what we talked about last time. He likes to remind me that i was looking forward to a fun date once in 2009. Steve so how did the date go . Jimmy yeah, no. We never went on a date again. cause ive been on the john 24 7. And tough to meet people there. This ones from padfoot93. He says, the family dentist down the street from my house has a sign outside that says, we do our business in your mouth. [ light laughter ] steve oy. The number one dentist in the country. Jimmy better than the number two dentist. [ laughter ] steve gives new meaning new meaning to the word potty mouth. Got yellow teeth. Oy [ cheers and applause ] jimmy got yellow teeth. Here we go. This one here is from ashley meg. She says, when i asked about new reports saying flossing doesnt do anything. My dentist says, thats just cray cray. Hes in his 50s. Honestly, its cray cray not to floss. This ones from gregknight18. He says, the dentist had pulled out my wisdom teeth is named dr. Wank. [ laughter ] steve dr. Wank . Jimmy i went home with ice packs that said, i got yanked by dr. Wank. [ cheers and applause ] steve oh oh come on. Jimmy come on. Thats fantastic. Steve dr. Wank. That was your nickname in high school, wasnt it . Jimmy i got on his tshirt. Whats that . Steve that was your nickname in high school, wasnt it . Jimmy it was dr. Wank. [ laughter ] steve oh my god. This fitbit is high. [ laughter ] jimmy 120,000 steps. Steve wow. He hasnt even left his room. Jimmy he hasnt even left his room. Steve was he with dr. Wank . Jimmy yanked by dr. Wank. Steve yeah. Jimmy this last one is from mynameismaruda. She says, my dentist has a a banner hanging on the wall that says, i like big gums and i cannot lie. There you go. Those are tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites go to tonight show. Com hashtags. Stick around. Ill be right back with emma watson, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [laughs] you have a side that is retired playing tag and gettin tired. You have a side that saves for their tuition. But right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. A side that owns your own store. Looks like you need to expand some more. Thats why theres nationwide. They help protect and grow your many sides. Nationwide is on your side. Thithe beet one. Ns. The reason you stop scrolling one. The whoops, you looked at your calendar wrong one. Reallife snacks. Baked with real ingredients. Its good thins. Good gets real. At lincoln, were all about making things simpler for you. Like, imagine having your vehicle serviced. From the comfort of your own home. Introducing complimentary lincoln pickup and delivery servicing. Because the most important luxury of all. Is time. Pickup and delivery servicing on the entire family of lincoln luxury vehicles including a complimentary lincoln loaner. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. We are joined right now by a a bigtime movie star who grew up on screen playing hermione in the harry potter series. [ cheers and applause ] she has since starred in other great films ranging from this years smash hit beauty and the beast to a new film costarring Patton Oswalt and tom hanks called the circle in theaters friday. Say hello to emma watson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back thank you. Jimmy you look gorgeous. Thank you. Jimmy thank you for coming back to our show. Is it all flushing back to you . The trauma, the posttraumatic stress of my life for four minutes on the jimmy fallon show. [ laughter ] jimmy last time you were on the show yeah. Jimmy this is late night. Oh, yeah. Jimmy we just had met. Wed never met each other. Wed never met before. Jimmy you couldnt be nicer and sweeter, and gosh, im a a fan of yours. You came out, and you sat just the way youre sitting. Just there. Jimmy it was very nice. In the seat. Jimmy and we were talking, and i gave you a compliment. And you said before you even before we even start the interview jimmy yeah. I just dove straight in there with, i love that halloween candy thing that you do. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] jimmy and i said there was just silence. [ laughter ] jimmy i said, the halloween candy thing . Is that right . And you go and you were like the candy corn thing . Jimmy yeah, and i thought it was. No. Jimmy you go, when you get kids, do you trick them . And i go, thats jimmy kimmel. [ laughter and applause ] that was the first time we met. And i died inside. Jimmy you died turned bright red. I died inside. [ laughter ] i was like jimmy i dont mind. I get that all the time. I get jimmy kimmel all the but then but you were so sweet, because you let me you were like you could tell that i was dying inside. And you were like, its okay, honey. If you want to go out and start again, we can do it again. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, so i had you leave and reenter. And then, when you came inside that, i said, so are you a big fan of late night tv . [ laughter ] i just loved that you did it. That was the we dont ever want to embarrass our guests. So please, thank you for coming back, and i appreciate that. [ laughter ] youre so sweet. But then i feel like the show had a great vibem because everyone was in hysterics. Jimmy yeah, we were all loose. And the energy was like jimmy yeah. I was so keen to do a good job after having you know. Jimmy yeah, we love you. I mean, come on. Awe. Jimmy i mean, whatever you do. [ cheers and applause ] you have had a giant year. Yes, i have. Its been crazy. Jimmy i mean, you were fantastic in beauty and the beast. We had josh gad on the show, but man, you were just perfect. You were beautiful in it, you sang great. It was shot beautifully. And i want to say, not that it matters to anybody, but i think it made, like, a billion dollars or something . Is that possible . Its crazy. I remember someone saying to me, wed be so happy if this made like, you know, 600 or 500 or something. Jimmy oh, my and its been, its like i cant even. Im just so grateful that people loved it. Jimmy that doesnt make any i mean, the numbers are crazy. I know. Its crazy, crazy. Jimmy how it just means that people love the film, which is just, which is just so awesome. Jimmy i know, but we can tell you put a lot of work into it. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i read somewhere i read where that you had to go to, like, a princess boot camp or Something Like . I did. I did princess boot camp for three months. [ light laughter ] jimmy that sounds like fun, though. It was fun i got to ride a horse. I got to learn to waltz. And then, i had singing lessons, and then rehearsals. So it was like yeah. Jimmy yeah. And it was cool. Jimmy and now its would you ever could you waltz now or ballroom now . I mean, i could, like, stumble my way through something reasonable. Jimmy okay. Yeah. Jimmy maybe next time, well do a ballroom dance. Okay, great. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. I know youre really excited about that. [ light laughter ] but now, lets talk about your new film now. Yeah. Jimmy this is you and Patton Oswalt and tom hahks in the circle. Yeah. Jimmy based on a a dave eggers book. Yeah. Jimmy oh, i love dave eggers. Yes. I love dave eggers, too. Jimmy hes fantastic. Isnt it the best book ever, a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Jimmy staggering genius. Thats a funny title. Its so good. Jimmy its a great book. I love it. Jimmy did you get to meet dave at all or no . I did i was just with him just last night at the premiere. We just premiered last night at tribeca film festival. Yeah, and he came, which was which was huge. Jimmy yeah, he doesnt really come out of the house. He doesnt, like no. He doesnt. Jimmy he just writes. [ laughter ] no. He just does his writing thing. Jimmy a writer writes, man. Thats what he does. Yeah. Jimmy hes great at it. Yeah, mcsweeneys, too. Mmhmm. Jimmy yeah, hes a good guy. Well tell everyone what this film is about. Yeah, so the film is about a a young woman who joins kind of a big tech company. A la, you know, like, a a combination of google and facebook and twitter and every social media, big social media platform you can think of. And she is its kind of her journey wrestling with how incredibly powerful this company is and how powerful its becoming. And there are kind of, like, moral and ethical dilemmas that start to surround these issues of giving away personal data. Jimmy yeah, you call it, like, transparency or something . Yeah, she goes so they call it, she goes transparent. Jimmy yeah. And she decides to wear a a camera all times, that means that everyone in the world can see what shes doing. Jimmy at all times. 24 hours a day. Jimmy theres no privacy . No privacy. Jimmy and you realize how evil this company is. And man, oh, man, youre great in it, and hanks. I mean, you never see him as a a villain. How weird i know. How weird it is to see him as the bad guy . Jimmy its just refreshing and cool. I love it, yeah. Hes like the yeah. Jimmy its good. A wolf in sheeps clothing. Jimmy i want to show a a clip. Heres emma watson interviewing to a job that will change your life in the circle in theaters friday. Check it out. Speed round. Paul or john . Early paul, late john. Mario or sonic . Early sonic, late mario. Introspection or communication . Uh. Mae. Sorry, im thinking about it. So thats introspection. Sushi or soylent. Sushi. Ever owned a velcro wallet . Yes. Velcro shoes . Yes. Velcro pants . Yes. What was the name of the receptionist who checked you in this morning . Um. Glenda. Joan baez or joan crawford. Joan didion. Gif or jif. [ chuckles ] im not answering that. Theres too much at stake. Would you like to go out with me . Thats very inappropriate. Good. Quality or convenience . Not mutually exclusive. Needs of the society or needs of the individual . Should be the same. Youre most scared of . Unfulfilled potential. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy emma watson go see the circle in theaters on friday. More tonight show after the break. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] tired of paying hundreds more a year in taxes and fees on your wireless bill . Only tmobile one gives you unlimited data with taxes and fees included. Thatll save you hundreds. Get two lines of unlimited data for a hundred dollars. Thats right. Two lines. A hundred bucks. All in. And now, the brand new Samsung Galaxy s8 is here. So what are you waiting for . Get the new galaxy s8. Plus get 2 lines of unlimted data for a hundred bucks. Taxes and fees included. Only at tmobile. Im dr. Kelsey mcneely and some day you might be calling me an energy farmer. Energy lives here. Come on, cool, come on. thuds bang drums playing bangs singing bang bang cheering rapping bangs [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. As you know, we love showcasing new talent on our show, which is why im really excited for our next guests. I think youre going to love them. Please welcome michael and Nicholas Testa, the jersey pizza boys, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome to the tonight show, guys. Hi. Hello. Jimmy how are you doing . What is your name and how old are you guys . Im michael testa, im 12 years old. Im Nicholas Testa, im 10 years old. Jimmy youre 10 years old. And where are you from . From new jersey. Jimmy hey, from new jersey now, i saw this video of you guys, youre throwing pizzas. I saw it on facebook. It got 26 million views. Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy wow. [ cheers and applause ] are you guys like the most popular kids in your high school then . Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy thats pretty cool, right . How did you get into it . Do your parents own a pizzeria or how did you learn how to do this . Yeah, my dad owns a pizza restaurant, carmines pizza factory, downtown jersey city, new jersey. Jimmy of course. [ cheers and applause ] surprised you didnt put the website on there. [ laughter ] but is it hard to do, tossing a a pizza . Is there any tips to it . What am i doing something wrong already . Like that, right . Yeah. Exactly. Jimmy like that . [ cheers ] you want to get it in the air. Jimmy whats that . You want to get it in the air. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] it did get in the air. You werent clearly looking the whole time. [ laughter ] watch this. [ cheers ] heres your pizza. Well, i heard that you guys are going to be on Little Big Shots this sunday. Yes. Yeah. Jimmy that is unbelievable. Are you excited . Yeah, its really fun. I loved going to hollywood, universal studios. It was amazing. Jimmy you did . Yeah. Jimmy yeah. I have a ride there, you know. I know. [ laughter ] jimmy so whos cool now . [ laughter ] hey, would you mind showing us a little bit of your bit right now . Is that cool . [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers ] jimmy please dont try this at home. Ladies and gentlemen, michael and Nicholas Testa, the jersey pizza boys [ cheers and applause ] [ rhythmic clapping ] jimmy give me that, give me that lighter. Give me that lighter. Give me that lighter. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh [ cheers and applause ] thats what im talking about. Michael and Nicholas Testa do not forget to watch them on Little Big Shots this sunday at 8 00 p. M. Right here on nbc. That was great, guys [ cheers and applause ] bryan denton we spent almost the entirety of the next 10 hours under fire. You know, everybody was very focused, looking out the window, scanning for car bombs. Being outside of a vehicle was suicide. To say that i wasnt operating at a constant level of fear, id be lying to you. If i didnt believe in the importance of journalism, i wouldnt be able to continue to do this work. im bryan denton, photojournalist for the New York Times. Im bryan denton, cover of chainsmokers dont l me down the issues we care about can weigh on us. So lift the weight of caring, by doing. Visit state farms neighborhoodofgood. Com to volunteer in your community. Im not the type to smushy garbages. You know what . Im going for it. You are completely and utterly. Awesome. Im glad you showed up. In my life i think im about to cry. You better not. Every single time i. Get down you always have. My back my back its really hard to describe. Its like. All these tiny little. Things . Yes. Yes. Things are actually. Friendship. Come on dogs just wont quit. Neither does frontline gold. Its triple action formula is relentless at killing fleas and ticks for a full 30 days. Good boy. Go for the gold. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is the host of cnns united shades of america, which returns for its Second Season this sunday, april 30th at 10 00 p. M. Hes also releasing his very first book next month, the awkward thoughts of w. Kamau bell. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for w. Kamau bell. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome to the show. Thank you. Jimmy we have never met each other. No. Jimmy before. But people got weird. Why havent you met each other . [ laughter ] jimmy this is interesting oh, oh, yes, i have a shirt. Jimmy yeah. Yeah. Thats a picture of questlove. Yeah. Do you know questlove . Weve met on a couple occasions, but mostly i get mistaken for him everywhere i go. [ laughter ] questlove every time im in the airport, its i love your show on cnn. [ laughter ] jimmy is it like, people here like on the streets . Literally, one time i was coming to this building, because i was meeting with somebody. And i was in the lobby and an elevator opens up and a whole Tourist Group comes out. And this old white man goes, oh, my god, i love you so much. And i was like, yeah, im pretty good. [ laughter ] and he takes a picture with me. Hes like, youre so great. Then he looks at his wife. And shes like hes like, get a picture. Why would you get a picture . And hes like, questlove and so theres a picture of me and this guys wife like, uh. And i think about this guy going home and showing his family, look, its me and questlove. Theyre like, no, thats a a random black guy [ laughter and applause ] jimmy do your friends see the resemblance or your family . You know, its weird. I have fought for years that i feel like we dont look like each other that much. But i keep hearing that we do. U i mean, i feel like, i dont have the same beard game hes got. My hairs a lot shorter. I look like quest if hes trying to get a straight job. You know what i mean . [ laughter ] like questlove goes into insurance, thats what i look like. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy not bad. Not bad. But i had to stop fighting it. Because eventually like my daughter, who was 3 at the time, was a big fan of the movie frozen. And she loves the song let it go, of course. And so i wanted to show her that a real woman sings it, not a cartoon. So i played the clip from your show of you guys playing it on the school instruments. Jimmy with idina menzel. Yeah, idina menzel. And my daughter, she was watching it and she was looking confused. Like, why is he showing this to me, whos this lady . And then finally she pointed at quest and goes, da da [ laughter and applause ] jimmy just let it happen. Just let it happen. Just be one person. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy can i do something . Do you mind . Do you mind taking a photo with me . Sure, sure. Jimmy i just want to put this on social media. Jimmy kimmel and questlove. [ laughter and applause ] im going to post it. All right, all right. Jimmy you have Great Stories about your daughter and a lot of fun awkward thoughts here in your new book. Congrats on the book. Thanks. Jimmy thats a big deal, huh . Yeah, i guess so, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy real deal. Yeah, its a book. Jimmy youre in the library of congress. This is a real thing, absolutely. But theres Great Stories in there. I got theres one thats great, about Dave Chappelle. Yes, yes. Jimmy you used to open for Dave Chappelle . Yeah, i got to open for Dave Chapelle a lot, right after he got back from south africa. So it was right after the Comedy Central thing. So i saw some of the greatest standup comedy that has ever been witnessed on this earth seeing Dave Chappelle. Jimmy hes fantastic. It was amazing, yeah. Jimmy hes one in a a million. And it was at a time, i think he still does this, where he was doing these real long sets. So he would do like, five hour sets. Jimmy i heard rumors about this. Thats real . Thats real. You would open for Dave Chappelle, like, yeah, get to open for Dave Chappelle then four hours later youre like, uuh. [ laughter ] jimmy i got to go sleep, man. It was exciting four hours ago. [ laughter ] i mean, i love dave, but theyre like, you have to stay to close out the show. Okay. And so he would do this thing, where thered be like a a 10 00 show and a midnight show. But because hes dave, the 10 00 show starts at 11 30 and the midnight show starts at like, 1 30 in the morning. And the club cant even sell drinks. And so he would do a fivehour set at 1 30 in the morning. And you would see people, like sort of pulling up their phones to cancel plans. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] because everybody would stay, because it was this amazing thing. But one night he was doing it and like about 4 00 in the morning he realized, because he was drinking coffee, i got to go to the bathroom thats my Dave Chappelle. [ laughter ] jimmy thats pretty good. Its pretty solid. Jimmy if you close your eyes its like hes here. Yeah, i get mistaken for him, too. [ laughter ] so i had to go up on the stage at like 4 00 in the morning while he went to the bathroom, and sort of, like keep the audience. Jimmy after youd already done your act four hours ago . And i had done the best of my act. Theres nothing left. And you cant follow Dave Chappelle after hes done three hours. Like, hey, you want some more of me, everybody . Ive got some more to say. I got more jokes. Jimmy nothing. So i got to see an audience full of people like, he went to the bathroom and they all shut down like computers. [ light laughter ] jimmy really . Then when he came back, theyre like, all right, were back on again. Jimmy thats amazing. Its fun to see someone destroy like that, for that long. Yeah and you dont often get to bomb in the middle of another comedians set. Jimmy thats very rare. [ laughter ] more stories like this and [ talking over each other ] normally you bomb on your own. Jimmy is that how you came up with the title of, the awkward thoughts of w. Kamau bell. Yeah. I think some of my greatest experiences in life have been from awkward experiences. I think right now in america were sort of politically divided. And i think that a lot of times were running from the awkward conversations. I feel like we ought to lean into those conversations. Thats what united shades is about. We gotta have to have the awkward conversations. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i make a living having awkward conversations. [ light laughter ] but lets talk about the new season. This is on cnn this sunday. Yeah. Jimmy united shades of america. Yes, every comedians dream is to grow up and be on cnn. [ laughter ] jimmy of course, absolutely. But thats good for them for taking a chance. No, absolutely. Its great. And its great for my health insurance. [ light laughter ] jimmy how would you describe the show if anyone hasnt seen it . The idea of the show is a a black guy goes places you wouldnt expect him to go or he absolutely shouldnt go. So that means sometimes its like, you know, yeah, im meeting with muslim people who talk to my mother. And sometimes its like oh, the klan. So its jimmy really . Are you the black guy thats going to places . Yeah, don lemon refused to do it. [ laughter ] jimmy don lemon said no. Yeah. Jimmy but what do we have to look forward to this season . Where do you go . What do you do . Are they prefilmed . Yeah, theyre already filmed. Basically, we had we were filming during the campaign. So basically every group that President Trump insulted we did an episode about. So we have a full season. [ laughter and applause ] well be on for a long time. Jimmy 500 episodes. [ laughter ] we have a clip heres kamau bell in the season premiere of united shades of america. Take a look at this. Where do you see yourself in five years, with where youre at today . Yes, sir. Ive come here from africa about nine years ago. And Going Forward i want to be able to publish an African Media empire on radio and television all under one roof. Thank you. I like how modest and quiet you are. I want to establish an empire, thank you, thank you. [ laughter ] i plan to take over the world. Thank you, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy kamau bell season two of united shades of america premiers sunday at 10 00 p. M on cnn. Well be right back with standup from the lucas brothers, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] a Millie Dresselhaus doll happy birthday, sweetie oh, millies. Trick or treat were so glad to have you here. What if we treated great female scientists like they were stars . Yasss queen what if Millie Dresselhaus, the first woman to win the National Medal of science in engineering, were as famous as any celebrity . [Millie Dresselhaus was seen having lunch today. ] [. Rumors of the new discovery. ] what if we lived in a world like that . crowd applauding we know a place thats already working on it. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Whats it say . Is it the cure for malaria . Has the war ended . A prince wants to give us 20 million dollars, he just needs our Social Security numbers. Were gonna be rich horses for everyone the first spam was sent by telegraph in 1864. Huh. Put some flavor in your break. Make time for snapple oreo thins. A thin twist on the oreo you love. Bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. Assume nothing. Just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high Quality Ingredients at a price you can feel good about no wonder kraft is so good. Lets[ whimpers ] dog. Find pingpong. Find your awesome with the xfinity x1 voice remote. Thats amazing [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guests are two of my favorites. Their netflix special, the lucas brothers on drugs, is available to stream now. Please welcome the lucas brothers [ cheers and applause ] hello, hello, hello. Oh, man. Oh, wow, this is great. Oh, man. Weve been unemployed for the last year. I mean, i know we shot a a special. But thats not really work. [ light laughter ] weve been unemployed. You run out of things to do on unemployment, right . Like, we watched Deion Sanders hiphop videos. Mmhmm. Thats what we do. Mmhmm. [ light laughter ] its pretty bizarre. Thats right. Its called must be the money. Yeah. [ light laughter ] and dion was dropping some crazy lines. Im telling you, man, theres one line that blew my mind. He was like, im going to turn my library card into credit cards. [ light laughter ] we dont know what that means. We dont know what it means. [ laughter ] been trying to figure it out. Its baffling for a number of reasons, right . First and foremost, we all know Deion Sanders doesnt read. He does not read. [ laughter and applause ] i think thats the only reason. Thats it. Thats the only reason weve got. I dont think i have another. [ light laughter ] yeah. Thats it. Right . Thats it. Thats it. You know what the worst thing about work is . Coworkers. Mmhmm. Terrible, right . Because they always complain about the job. Yeah, yo. We were working on this show. Mmhmm. And we were writing, and we had a 15hour day. And one of the writers lost his mind. We was like, yo, man. Theyre working us like slaves, man. Theyre working us like slaves, yo. [ light laughter ] were like, nah. [ laughter ] this aint nothing like slavery, man. Right . Yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah. We spent the last 15 hours debating whether or not Steve Harveys mustache is real. I mean [ laughter ] if that was slavery, it would be dope. Yeah but it got us to think, do you ever wonder how slaves complain about their jobs . Yeah. cause they had to complain, but they couldnt say they were working like slaves because that would be redundant. Thats true. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] yeah, thats redundant. So we imagine there were some slaves working on the pyramid, and one slave snapped. Yep. He was like, yo, this pharaoh got me working like [ light laughter ] oh, all these dudes around me. [ laughter ] pretty fair pharaoh, id say. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. Thank you. I think they take sports too seriously in boston, right . Like, especially the homeless people. Yeah. Theyre crazy. They take it serious the most. [ light laughter ] its uncomfortable. We saw this one homeless dude. And he has a homeless sign that was he was like, yo. He didnt say, yo. But he was like, yo. [ laughter ] i just lost my family, my job, my house. I got nothing really to live for. Dot, dot, dot. The yankees suck. [ laughter and applause ] he was very aggressive. Yeah, we was aggressive. I dont know. We we were watching espn the other day, and there were two announcers on there. They were talking about the upcoming contract negotiations with steph curry for 100 million. One announcer was like, do you think stephs going to take the contract . And the other announcer was like, he has 100 million reasons to take that contract. We love that, right . Oh, yeah, yeah. We want to start doing that now. Yep. We want to match the reasons we do something with the amount of money that we have. Of course. [ light laughter ] so we started doing it. Mmhmm, mmhmm. Our homie, mookie, hit us up and asked us if we wanted to go play at chuck e. Cheese. Mmhmm. And we were like, yeah, we would love to, but weve got negative 600,000 reasons why thats not a good idea. [ laughter and applause ] not feasible. Not feasible. We owe the bank a lot of money for law school. We took out a lot of loans. Mmhmm. And they call us back every week, and we hang up every week, right . Thats right. [ light laughter ] thats right. But this time, we decided to indulge them. Yeah, thats right. Right. We picked up the phone. We were like, yo whats up, man . What you want . And he was like, yo. All you got to do is figure out a financing plan to pay us back. Mmhmm. And well be cool. Okay. So we hung up on him again. Of course. [ light laughter ] smoked on it. Mmhmm. All right. [ laughter ] and i think we have a plan. Oh, i think we figured it out. I think we figured it out. We figured it out. We called him back. Mmhmm. We were like, yo, dude. We figured it out. Were going to turn all of our Library Cards into credit cards. [ laughter and applause ] thank you, guys. We appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] the lucas brothers [ cheers and applause ] their netflix special is available now check it out right now put it on well be right back, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our thanks to emma watson. W. Kamau bell. Michael and Nicholas Testa. The lucas brothers, once again. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight aidy bryant, star of american gods, actor ian mcshane, music from raelynn, featuring the 8g band with lucius. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, everybody. Im seth meyers, this is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] wonderful. Absolutely wonderful to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. Today was take your child to work day. Way ahead of you, said this guy. [ light laughter ]