Musical guest phantogram, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 490 woo steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much [ cheers and applause ] woo woo, doggie hot crowd tonight hot crowd welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show. This is it. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. This is the show that youre here for. We have a great show tonight. Heres what people are talking about. Of course, its the election. Trump and hillary are really starting to go at it. In fact, today trump took a a swipe at hillary and said that he isnt sure if she understands the difference between a wall and a fence. [ laughter ] yeah, its getting nasty. [ laughter ] hillary was like, yes, i do. A wall is something you wanna build and a fence is the only thing keeping me from moving into the white house today. And you go [ cheers and applause ] guys, calm down back to your corners and yesterday former republican candidate herman cain said that one of the biggest lies about donald trump is that he is a a racist. Then trump was, like, thank you, jay z. [ laughter and applause ] give my best to your wife, oprah. [ laughter ] you guys one of trumps big supporters, new jersey governor Chris Christie, is having a a rough week. Lawyers are working on the bridgegate investigation claim that Chris Christie destroyed evidence connecting him to the scandal including a cell phone. Christie said he had no idea where the cell phone was, then his stomach started ringing. And you go [ laughter and applause ] timing. Bad timing steve bad timing. Jimmy dont call me now ill call you back. [ ringing ] jimmy ill call you back. Hello, mom . Steve chris. Jimmy mom, ill talk to you later. Steve okay, call me back. Jimmy goodbye. [ laughter ] [ fart sound ] [ laughter ] a little sports news here. I saw that the design for the rio summer olympic medals was just released. They look gorgeous, yeah. And not only that, they also released the design for the new olympic torch. Look at this. Thats it right there. [ laughter and applause ] guys, i saw that the conjuring 2 won the Box Office Last weekend, making over 40 million with many also saying that it was scarier than the first conjuring movie. Here now with a full report on this is our tonight show movie correspondent riley rowin. Hello, riley. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Thank you, jimmy. Jimmy thank you, riley, now you saw the conjuring 2 last weekend . Yes, thats right. Jimmy and it was actually scarier than the first movie . It was, jimmy. When i saw the conjuring three years ago i was, like [ scared noise ] [ light laughter ] but then i saw the conjuring 2 last weekend and i was, like [ bigger scared noise ] [ light laughter ] jimmy i see. So youre saying you went from [ scared noise ] to [ bigger scared noise ] thats right. Of course, its still nothing compared to the first paranormal activity movie where i was like [ really big scared noise ] [ light laughter ] but its still much scarier than the most recent paranormal activity where i was like [ tiny scared noise ] [ laughter ] jimmy now youre saying that chronologically youre saying that chronologically you went from [ really big scared noise ] to [ scared noise ] to [ bigger scared noise ] to [ tiny scared noise ] [ laughter ] yes, thats right. I went from [ really big scared noise ] to [ scared noise ] to [ bigger scared noise ] to [ tiny scared noise ] jimmy right, thats what i just said. I said you went from [ really big scared noise ] to [ scared noise ] to [ bigger scared noise ] to [ tiny scared noise ] yes, thats right. Jimmy so what is your final review for the conjuring 2. Jimmy, i give it a [ scared noise ] out of [ really big scared noise ] jimmy thank you very much. Riley rowin, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, riley. [ laughter ] steve okay. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, this isnt good here, you guys. The fda is saying it found Serious Health violations at some whole foods stores and actually sent whole foods a a warning letter. In response, whole foods shredded the letter, mixed it with some kale, is now selling it for 18 a pound. [ cheers and applause ] its organic. Steve yeah, thats rough. For them thats cheap. Jimmy the letters organic. And get this, a new study found that viagra can actually help men live longer. Yeah. [ laughter ] then wives were like, you mean hell be old and super horny . Thank you. Oh, lucky me. Lucky, lucky me. Thank you. [ applause ] and finally, a little celebrity news. I saw that Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of gq, with the headline kias youve never seen her. Which i can only assume means in a library . [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show, everybody. Give it up for the roots right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] steve whoa jimmy thats what im talkin about. Thats my man, singer songwriter howard jones sitting in with the roots [ cheers and applause ] oh, fantastic. Hi, buddy ooh guys, its been a great week so far. Theres more ahead. Tomorrow night, emmy and golden globe award winner Ricky Gervais will be here. Steve whoa [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thatll be fun. Steve ricky. Jimmy hes a funny, funny man. Plus, speaking of funny, we have tony hale, whos another super funny guy. Steve oh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy veep. Steve veep. Veep. Jimmy and my man, brian regan will be here. Steve oh, hilarious. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy plus thank you notes. Its gonna be a good show. But first we have a fun show tonight. This guy is one of the biggest stars in the world, he and kevin hart are together in a a great new action comedy called central intelligence. Its in theaters tomorrow. Dwayne johnson is here steve yeah jimmy there he is. [ cheers and applause ] his movie starts with a high School Flashback, youve seen it in the trailer and dwayne and i may have a high School Flashback of our own tonight. Plus, he is a hilarious comedian and i just love him. Hes from the jim gaffigan show. Jim gaffigan is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] steve oh. Jimmy cant beat that guy. Steve no. Hilarious. Jimmy great show, too. Jims going to show us some Great Fathers day gifts later on. Steve ooh. Jimmy hes gonna do a a segment for us. Steve good. Jimmy where hes showing us fathers day gifts. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah, perfect. Steve a little demonstration. Jimmy yeah, exactly from jim gaffigan. And we have great music from phantogram steve oh [ cheers and applause ] no one out there is to blame jimmy i cannot wait. Cannot wait. Jimmy i cant ruin it. I cant ruin it. So excited that hes here. I want to do all the songs. All right, its exciting. We gotta get more shows so we can hear more songs. It is time for tonight show hashtags, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] Hashtag Hashtag jimmy here we go are you guys on twitter . Anyone out there on twitter . [ cheers ] well, we use twitter on our show every single week so if you watch our show and you want to play along we do this thing every wednesday, i will send out a hashtag and well ask you to tweet out things based on that topic. So since fathers day is this sunday i went on twitter and i sent out a hashtag called, dad quotes. I asked you guys to tweet out something funny, weird, or embarrassing that your dad has said. It went bonkers. [ light laughter ] everybody sent in thousands of tweets. Within 30 minutes it was a a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you for those tweets. I appreciate that. [ cheers and applause ] now i thought id share some of my favorite dad quotes tweets from you guys. Here we go. The first ones from scottmescramer. And he says, my dad took an entire cake into his bedroom once. A few seconds later i heard him quietly whisper to himself, okay lets do this. [ laughter and applause ] steve no hands. Jimmy this ones from kpage813. She says, whenever someone goes to the bathroom, my dad says, mention my name, youll get a good seat. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy good joke. Steve come on. Jimmy thats a dad joke. Steve thats a great dad joke. Jimmy thats a fantastic dad joke. Steve im gonna borrow that. Jimmy mention my name, youll get a good seat. Steve good seat. Jimmy thats good. This ones from dramachick44. She says, when my dad drove my friends around to scare them he would say, buckle up. I saw something in a cartoon i wanna try. [ laughter and applause ] this is a good one. This is a good dad one. This ones from ashlynnparker7. She says, when dad answers the phone, he says, mule barn, head jackass speaking. [ laughter and applause ] steve petes pool hall. Jimmy mule barn. Head jackass speaking. This ones from hlm720. She says, my dad ordered a a movie from netflix once and said it was in his quay. he meant queue. steve oh. [ laughter and applause ] he didnt know no better. Now watch me quip now watch me quay quay now watch me quip quip now watch me quay quay watch me do watch me quip quip now watch me quay quay steve netflix. [ laughter ] jimmy a little cowbell bloop at the end. Yeah, yeah. This ones from jenjen this is from jenjen24122. She says, whenever i would ask my dad how to spell something, he would respond with you wanna know how its spelled, or how i spell it . [ laughter and applause ] its quay. Thats quay. Steve yeah. Now watch me quip now watch me quay quay now watch me quip quip now watch me quay quay watch me do it watch me quip steve netflix. [ light laughter ] jimmy this ones from nlister89. He says, dad said, there are always no. there are only three things that always tell the truth small children, drunk people and yoga pants. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh jimmy yoga pants steve yoga pants. [ laughter ] see thats modern. Jimmy thats really funny. Steve thats modern. Jimmy this ones from alyssawags31. She says, my dad once told me pinot noir was french for peanut of the night. [ laughter and applause ] steve could be. Jimmy peanut of the night. Steve pinot noir, yeah. Jimmy this last ones from gmamarcie7x. She said, dad walked me down the aisle to marry my third husband. He looked at me and said, i keep giving you away and they keep giving you back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there you have it. Those are our tonight show hashtags. Check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Stick around. Well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [engine revving] want to know what makes us, us . By the time other people start doing what weve been doing, weve already moved on. The lexus gs 350 f sport, with better overall handling performance than the bmw 535i m sport. knocks on door anie, were like honey . H. Im dying my hair mom. Hair dye . Its just purple. Teenage daughter . Get scrubbing bubbles. Kill 99. 9 of germs and destroy grime. With scrubbing bubbles for 100 problem solved. What headache . In . What arthritis pain . Advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. 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You said it, bro jimmy pound it. One more time. Jimmy by the way, nice corsage. Oh, thanks my mom helped me put it on because i was piercing my nipple. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, thats cool. Noice so got your eyes on anyone tonight . Oh, come on. Of course, but you know, i like to just sit back and let them come to me. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, i hear you. Here comes stacy now. Check this out. Cool [ laughter ] jimmy ermagherd, stacy. You look sperctercular i lurve your drerss be cerrful, i think somebody sperked the purnch [ laughter ] bro, what the heck was that . Jimmy i dont know, i dont know. I think i got nervous. Well, you have to get it together, dude come on. Jimmy all right. All right. All right. Oh, snap here comes brittany watch the master. Jimmy go, go, go [ laughter ] so are you having a good night . Ermahgerd [ light laughter ] brertney. May i have this dernce . [ light laughter ] yeah, youre like the derncing quern. You like beyonce. Hershterg lehrmernerd. [ light laughter ] okay. Okay. Okay. Shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Jimmy im so happy we came without dates. Its, like, we can dance with whoever we want. We rule this school [ laughter ] totally, scrotally [ laughter ] speaking of speaking of. Here comes stephanie. Here comes stephanie. Hey, stephanie, you want some cherps and derp . [ light laughter ] jimmy maybe some mershed perterters . Do they even have mashed potatoes . Jimmy if you chew the cherps lerng energh they terste lerk mershed perterters. [ laughter ] wertch [ laughter ] gross. Jimmy what was her problem . Come on, dude. Shes probably just jealous, but dont worry. Well get a dance in before the end of the night. Jimmy definitely. Hey, nick. Want to slow dance . Berner alert. Hey, i think i just got a a berner [ laughter ] berner alert berner alert berner alert jimmy berner alert. Berner alert. [ laughter ] berner alert. Berner alert. Berner alert. Berner alert. Weirdos jimmy bro, that was your chance oh, whatever, dude. I wasnt really feeling it. Burner. [ laughter ] jimmy we dont need to dance with dates to have fun. What are you saying . Jimmy i think you know. D. J. , hit the music wern, ter, threr, ferr. [ cheers and applause ] if you cant decide between an applebees fresh summer salad, or savory woodfire grilled chicken, well give you both for just 8. 99. Applebees new wood fired grill salads starting at 8. 99 for a limited time this summer. Only at applebees. Give extra. Get extra. Selena Gomezs kill em with kindness playing play it again. Selena Gomezs kill em with kindness playing play it again. Selena Gomezs kill em with kindness playing play it again. Selena Gomezs kill em with kindness restarts play it again. announcer vo no matter how you use your data, verizons got your back, introducing the new verizon plan. Now 30 more data. No surprise overages. And keep the data you dont use. All on americas best network. 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Dont start humira if you have an infection. Want more proof . Ask your rheumatologist about humira. Whats your body of proof . Is soh, she better not be. Ld . Our claim runs straight down to the glutn free stuffin. Its gluten. Theres gold in them thar shells. Liquid gold. Im free to do what i want and have a good time. The ford freedom sales event is on and zero for 72 is back on 2016 ford focus, fusion and escape. Plus specially tagged vehicles get an extra 1000 smart bonus. That means freedom from interest. And freedom to choose. With ford, americas best selling brand. Im free, baby now get 0 financing for 72 months. Plus, specially tagged vehicles get a 1000 smart bonus. Only at the ford freedom sales event. Feel free. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are joined right now by one of the best known and hardest working people in the industry. He was last years highestgrossing movie star and starting tomorrow he joins forces with kevin hart in the hilarious new movie called central intelligence. We love him so much. Hes a friend of the show. Please welcome Dwayne Johnson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. Jimmy yeah thank you jimmy welcome buddy welcome. Welcome. Thank you so much. Jimmy we love you. Everybody loves you. I love you guys. Thank for that. That was awesome. [ cheers and applause ] that was awesome. Jimmy you really deserve it. That was awesome. Cant top that. Jimmy you have to stay for the interview. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the internet does Say Something about you that i thought was very interesting. Its all true. Jimmy of course. You havent had candy since 1989, and is it and it was a a twizzler. It was a twizzler. Yes. I just hey, twizzler fans out there. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Im just not a big candy guy. You know, i love cheat meals, right . I love that, but im just not like the candy thing. Im just jimmy you never go like to the 7eleven and go to the counter and say ill take that. No. Ive never no, no, no. Jimmy never done that. No, no. Never did that. But no, literally, its crazy how i remember this kind of stuff. Its like rain man. Jimmy yeah. Twizzlers was the last thing i had and we were at a Movie Theater watching a movie. Jimmy really . Do you remember what movie was that . I dont remember what movie i saw. Jimmy but you havent had candy since i always thought maybe it was kind of fun and we may tempt you to make a little history tonight. I mean [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i have ring pops. Wow jimmy i got ring pops here. I got that nerds on a rope. This candy wasnt even out in 1989. Wow. [ light laughter ] jimmy i have a gummy worm we just have to have one gummy worm. [ laughter ] wow well. I mean, you tempt me look at that [ laughter ] jimmy come on, dude you guys know. Jimmy come on go ahead. Jimmy no, no no no gummy worm. Oh oh, you eat it jimmy you eat it. I dont know what you were doing there. [ light laughter ] jimmy its a gummy worm. Wow. Jimmy i cant tempt you with anything at all . Well look, i mean, were here and a big movie comes out, right, tomorrow. I think we bust open the twizzlers and we have a a twizzlers right here. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy lets do it. There you go, bud. All right. Jimmy you know what i thought would be kind of fun . What do you want to do . Jimmy pop rocks. 101 dalmatians . Jimmy pop rocks. You ever had pop rocks . Oh yeah, lets do that. Jimmy so central intelligence, the movie coming out tomorrow okay, here we go. Jimmy im going to put it in your mouth. And then ill just okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Jimmy you closed your eyes. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] im not going to put the gummy worm in your mouth. [ laughter ] look at that jimmy putting it away putting it away by the way, i didnt even think twice i am very irish catholic. Here we go. [ talking over each other ] jimmy this is much better [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] over here. [ laughter ] out of my gym bag. All right, ill go first. Here we go. Here we go. Jimmy here we go. This is the rock having pop rocks okay. Jimmy here you go, buddy. All right. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, its working. How does it feel . Thats what candy tastes like . Wow [ laughter ] thats amazing. Its great. [ laughter ] jimmy do you hear it . Hear it . [ cheering ] amazing. Since 1989. Jimmy this is history right here. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate that. Thank you for that. Jimmy lets talk about this movie. Gummy worm [ laughter ] no, no. Jimmy that was my stripper name. [ laughter ] jimmy give it up for gummy worm nothing like that was the actual size. Oh, my god. Jimmy i love the movie. Thank you. Jimmy you and kevin hart get together. Two of the most beloved people. I love kevin hart so much. Yeah, me too. Jimmy one of the nicest dudes. But, god is he funny. Hes so funny. Jimmy and you guys get together from the first scene, i lost it. Thank you, thank you. Jimmy i dont know how you did it, cgi wise. If you saw the trailer you probably laughed out loud to this. Yeah. We did face replacement and we got a real guy thats this amazing youtube dancer that we found for his size, hes incredible and we thought hed be a good young dj or young robbie. Jimmy its your name. My character name is robby weirdick in high school. [ laughter ] i know. Gummy worm [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] jimmy lint balling. Pull it up again. Yeah jimmy the red shirt. These are all stuck to it. [ laughter ] we can go on and on jimmy no, no. We got to put on exactly. [ laughter ] ironically jimmy robby weirdick. Robby weirdick is his name. [ light laughter ] we did face replacement. Yeah. Bobby weirdick, that was my name. It had to be robby weirdick because i was unmercifully bullied. Jimmy yes. Of course, with a name like that. Jimmy yeah. So then i changed my name jimmy you were an overweight teen with braces yeah, with braces. Jimmy and we have a photo of you in the movie. Not just the photo, you act as this character in the movie. Look at this guy. [ light laughter ] its amazing how they do this. Thats incredible. Jimmy and you singing never gonna to get it never gonna to get it never gonna get it jimmy in the shower. Yes, yes. Jimmy and the bullies find you and drag you out in the middle of the gymnasium. Yes. So thats where the movie starts, where im unmercifully bullied and theyre having a a big pep rally and kevin harts character is the valedictorian. Hes the man. Hes all everything. They throw me naked in the middle of the gym floor in front of everyone, and its a a tough scene in the beginning, but its a great setup in the movie and the only one that comes to my defense is kevin harts character, and then after that i decide to quit school, and that side of my brain does not continue to develop so i become like tom hanks in big. And then i decide also to the other side of my brain i become a cia operative, and i come back in 20 years. Jimmy looking like this. Looking like this. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy look at this. Great story. And you work in cia and you drag kevin hart into it and you kind of ruin his life. I completely ruin his life. Jimmy it is unbelievably hilarious. And so many scenes, i will say, stay tuned for the credits because there are bloopers. Theres bloopers at the end. It will give you an idea of how much fun we had. Jimmy i mean, it just it made me cry. I have a clip. Here is kevin hart, trying to find out why Dwayne Johnson is ruining his life. This is central intelligence. Its in theaters this weekend. Check this out. Im going to need your tie. No. Your necktie. Take it off. Im not taking my tie off. Come on. Dont do that. Say it. Save it. Fine, take it. Take it. You can have it. Just right over here. Listen to me. Listen. Stop. Stop i need to know what is happening right now. Okay. Okay. You know what . Moving too fast. Bottom line, are you in or are you out . In or out of what . No time for questions. Just action. In or out. Then im out. Im sorry, jet. Actually, youre already in. Then why would you ask me. Because, i thought you would go im in boss and we would have had a cool moment, but you kind of ruined the whole thing. Okay. Okay listen, listen to me right now, i dont know what it is that youre into, but what i do know is that i am really, really a 100 out. Jimmy yeah [ cheers and applause ] its so funny. I loved it. Congratulations on it, man. We love you. Come back. Thank you jimmy Dwayne Johnson. Kevin hart. Central intelligence, great action comedy. More tonight show after the break stick around, everybody. Dwayne johnson [ cheers and applause ] inthousands ofk barrels lay silent aging, building a fuller smoother flavor that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours . Now try jim beam apple poured over ice and serve with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge to make a crisp, refreshing jim beam apple and soda. If youve ever been lured in straight talk. By a low price wireless plan then theres not enough highspeed data or your bill is packed with overages and mystery fees. Stop falling for it with straight talks unlimited plan, you get americas largest, most dependable 4g lte networks. No contract, no tricks. And five gigs of highspeed data for just fortyfive dollars a month. Its time to ask yourself. Why havent i switched . 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State farm knows that every one those moments, theres one of these. Well . I love it. This piece is so you. I know, right . I saw it and i was just like i have to have it. Is it suede . Its suede. I love suede. Thats why were there, with renters insurance, when things go wrong. But also here, with a rewards credit card, to help life go right. State farm. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is one of the funniest guys around. He is an emmy and grammynominated comedian. And the Second Season of his show, the jim gaffigan show, premieres this sunday at 10 00 p. M. On tv land. Everyone, please welcome jim gaffigan, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show, jim gaffigan. Its always great to see you. Its an honor to be back here. Jimmy we love having you back here. Youre doing a demo for us tonight. I want to mention that you are in the premiere of comedians in cars getting coffee with seinfeld. I am. I am. Jimmy its a great its a long one. An extra long one. Jimmy he went with, like, a a 20minute well, we eat in mine. [ laughter ] so, we eat a lot of salami. I was like, i dont care about the coffee. Lets get something to eat. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Well, fathers day is this sunday, and you have a lot of kids. So we thought it would be great for you to come here and show us some fathers day gifts here. Thats right. Jimmy, you know, fathers day is a lot of people might not think its the most important holiday or frankly, as important as cinco de mayo. But [ laughter ] jimmy its up there. It really is an important day. And before we did some holiday gifts, and this time we looked at gifts that would be right for dad, which is on sunday. Which, by the way, is when my show is premiering on tv land, but thats not why im here. Jimmy of course not. Of course, not. Why im here is to help you find a gift for dad. Jimmy yeah, you have a lot of i have a lot of kids, and really finding the right gift for dad is not a laugh. Look, there are a lot of things, like a tie. I mean, you know a drill. Jimmy no, please. Hello . You know. Jimmy multipurpose i dont know if i should throw that one. Jimmy a blade. [ laughter ] these are funny and sure maybe you wore this to your wedding [ laughter ] but what about jimmy youre not getting paid to sell these things. By the way, thats a great point. I am not sometimes people might think, oh, jim gaffigan. Hes good looking. Hes got a great body. [ laughter ] hes being paid to plug the beer helmet. [ laughter ] you know . Im not getting paid im here because jimmy no, i know. Im here because, frankly, i love you, jimmy. Thank you. Jimmy i love the roots, and i love helping people. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter and applause ] you have all these great gifts. I think you forgot candy is also a good gift. Candy is a great gift. And by the way, this is jimmy a giant gummy worm. This is a great gift. [ laughter ] this is jimmy thats the best, the giant gummy worm. I actually was given this by the rock. [ laughter ] he gave me this. Jimmy is that no, no, no, dont [ laughter ] here, spit that out. You dont have to eat that. Youre going to keep it going . All right. [ laughter ] you went for it, man. [ laughter ] oh all right, hey, all right. Hey, come on, now. Im not something down. Jimmy i got one, too, from the rock here we go. Wouldnt it be great if i choked and died right now . [ laughter ] jimmy on a gummy worm. The rock jimmy the rock gave you a a giant gummy worm. Look at this. First of all, that guys been eating candy since whenever ive known him. He was a roommate of mine. [ laughter ] weve done everything together. The reason hes called the rock because all he ate was rock candy. Jimmy oh, yeah, exactly. Thats exactly why hes called the rock. Hes a liar i challenge him to come out here. And ill kick his ass. Jimmy no [ yelling ] hey calm down no come on its not going to happen fathers days coming up. What else can we give dad besides a giant gummy worm . These are [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] do people really eat that . Jimmy i dont know. I dont know. I do. [ laughter ] anyway, but jimmy, things are beautiful, but lets get it out of the way. [ laughter ] but does these gifts say, dad, i love you . No, they dont. Now, obviously, a book could be a good gift for dad, but it has to be the right book. Jimmy yeah. And ive read over a a thousand books, and i think ive found some of the right books for dad. Jimmy very good. This one book, which by the way, its a great book. Jimmy yeah. And by coincidence, its also written by a guy named jimmy fallon. [ audience aws ] jimmy that is me, actually. That is my book. Thank you. [ applause ] that is my book. Jimmy, you wrote this book . You wrote this book that has six words in it . [ laughter ] you wrote jimmy all right. All right. Wait a minute. I havent finished it yet. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. It has something to do with it, all right. Does that qualify as writing, jimmy . Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] this is a good book, but do you know what . Jimmy, honestly, a good book for dad is important, and really, the best books, which are written by me. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, yeah, this is good. Dad is fat. I read that one. And food, a love story. Jimmy food, a love story. Amazing. Jimmy these are great. I mean jimmy again, this is not about you. I mean, this is if you like words. If you dont like words jimmy it doesnt matter. Theres this one. [ laughter ] jimmy dont give away the ending. But you know what . Im not here to promote my stuff. Jimmy youre not here to do that. Im not here to do that. Fathers day is about finding a a gift for dad, and really, youre a dad. Im a dad. A lot of us are dads unless theyre not dads. [ laughter ] and what we want to do is we want to spend time with our kids. So buying maybe tickets to an event with dad would be great. Jimmy thats fantastic. And what better way to spend time with dad than at one of my shows . [ laughter ] jimmy okay. I think i see where do you know what i mean . The jim gaffigan show, and this guy who happens to be traveling always around the world. Lets see some of the places im going. [ laughter and applause ] unbelievable i mean, thats unbelievable all of the information is at jimgaffigan. Com. [ applause ] its amazing. Jimmy it is amazing. You know, i dont want you to think im taking advantage of this segment. Its not just about me plugging my stuff. By the way, lets get some of these in. Jimmy no, we already did okay, weve already done that. Jimmy weve got enough of the audience. Yeah, thank you, yeah. Really, in the end jimmy how many do we have of these . Ive got a lot of them. [ laughter ] jimmy i know. That last one wasnt a gummy worm. This is not about you. [ laughter ] its not about me. Its about spending time with dad. Thats what he wants. Jimmy quality time. And he wants quality time. Jimmy and how would he spend quality time . And you know what . We also its not about how much you spend, its about spending time with dad. And how you can spend real quality time with dad is watching the jim gaffigan show. Jimmy no, this is unbelievable. On tv land 10 00, 9 00 central. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy sunday, we kept hearing sunday. Jimmy we keep hearing jim gaffigan. We know who you are. Watch it. Watch it, and then dvr it, and then watch it again. Jimmy im surprised you didnt bring a clip. I did, actually. Thanks for reminding me. Play the clip. [ laughter ] im in jail. Do you need a lawyer . The courtappointed one, but i dont know if hes a good fit. Okay, mr. Gaffigan. Gaffigan. Right, gaffigan. Its gaffigan. Youve been accused of double homicide. What . No. Aggravated assault . No. Indecent exposure . No. I didnt do anything wrong. Oh, i see. Youre being tried in the court of public opinion. Did you shoot a lion . Were you drunk in public . No. Did you lick a doughnut and put it back . No. I would never put it back. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. This is so nice and heartfelt and about the dad. And thats why you are you. Youre a giving man. Its not about me and or my website, jimgaffigan. Com. [ laughter ] jimmy no, its jim gaffican, everybody, and its about the dad. [ cheers and applause ] season two of the jim gaffigan show premieres this sunday at 10 00pm on tv land. Its a twohour block. Yes, its backtoback episodes. Jimmy backtoback episodes. Eight straight hours of jim gaffigan this sunday on tv land. [ cheers and applause ] well be back with a a performance from phantogram stick around jim gaffigan [ cheers and applause ] guess what i just did . Built a sandcastle . Ha, no, i switched to geico and got more. More . 24 7 access online, on the phone or with the geico app. That is more. Go get some mud. All that more has to be why theyre the secondlargest auto insurer. Everybody likes more. 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The earth needed to find a new waytury, to keep up with the data from over 30 billion connected devices. Just 30 billion . A bold group of researchers and computer scientists in silicon valley, had a breakthrough they called. The machine. It changed computing forever. And its been part of every new technology for the last 250 years. Everything . Everything this year, Hewlett Packard enterprise will preview the machine and accelerate the future. See star trek beyond. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fantastic. They are a criticallyacclaimed electropop duo whose new album three is out september 16th. We love them. Performing, you dont get me high anymore, give it up for phantogram [ cheers and applause ] i dont like staying at home when the moon is bleeding red woke up stoned in the backseat from a dream where my teeth fell out of my head cut it up cut it up yeah everybodys on something here my god sent chemical best friend skeleton whispering in my ear walk with me to the end stare with me into the abyss do you feel like letting go i wonder how far down it is nothing is fun not like before you dont get me high anymore used to take one now it takes four you dont get me high anymore running through Emergency Rooms spinning wheels and ceiling fans my god sent chemical best friend skeleton whispering in my ear its the cadillac cadillac red everybodys all burgundy my god sent chemical best friend skeleton whispering in my ear walk with me to the end stare with me into the abyss do you feel like letting go i wonder how far down it is nothing is fun not like before you dont get me high anymore used to take one now it takes four you dont get me high anymore you dont get me high anymore you dont get me high anymore walk with me to the end stare with me into the abyss do you feel like letting go i wonder how far down it is nothing is fun not like before you dont get me high anymore used to take one now it takes four you dont get me high anymore im not high anymore you dont get me you dont get me high anymore im not high anymore you dont get me you dont get me high anymore [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fantastic. Thank you for that. Phantogram [ cheers and applause ] three is available for preorder now well be right back, everybody [ cheers and applause ] be good. [ bark ] ill [ bark ]later. Bye. See ya pal. Xfinity home provides 24 7 professional monitoring for 24 7 peace of mind. Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw. [ dryer running ] know what your pets are up to. Partys on . With xfinity home, connected, protected home. Xfinity customers get a great deal on xfinity home and ask about free installation. Call or go online today. See the secret life of pets, in theatres july 8th. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all my thanks to Dwayne Johnson, jim gaffigan, phantogram once again [ cheers and applause ] howard jones right there hey, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thanks for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight maya rudolph from game of thrones actor Michiel Huisman music from brandy clark featuring the 8g band with john tempesta. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, Seth Meyers Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Thats good to hear. Lets get to the news. President obama gave a speech this afternoon in which he angrily called out republicans for being too obsessed with his refusal to use the term radical islam or as fox news reported it, angry black man spotted talking about radical ism