And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 464, illinois steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Thank you. I feel the love. Hot crowd tonight. Hot crowd here. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show, everybody. You made it, youre here, this is it, youre part of the show. Thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. Have a good time. Were going to have fun tonight. Youre a handsome man, jimmy. Jimmy thank you very much, sir. I appreciate it. Youre a handsome man, jimmy. He yelled it. [ laughter ] steve never heard that yelled from the crowd. Jimmy i paid him, i paid him money to yell that actually. Steve yeah. Jimmy heres what people are talking about, you guys. After last nights indiana primary, its starting to look like we finally have our two candidates for president. Thats right. Its down to uhoh versus i guess. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats right, after winning the indiana primary, donald trump is now set to become the First Major Party nominee without political experience since dwight eisenhower, who was a a fivestar general during world war ii. When trump heard that, he was like, big deal, im going to be president for world war iii. [ cheers and applause ] so its like much bigger. No. Thats not no. Now trump is the Presumptive Republican nominee, and he had a big message for america last night. Listen to this. We lose with our military, we cant beat isis. We lose with trade. We lose with borders. We lose with everything. Were not going to lose. Were going to start winning again, and were going to win bigly. [ applause ] [ laughter ] steve bigly . Jimmy Chris Christie got excited because win bigly was his campaign slogan. Steve are you serious . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy win bigly. Steve win bigly. Jimmy win bigly. Of course, the other big story is that ted cruz dropped out of the president ial race last night, just a week after [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] just a week after announcing Carly Fiorina as his running mate. Carly said she was disappointed that it was over, but still excited to lay off the campaign staff. So i mean, shes like thats what she does. [ cheers and applause ] still got it. Ted cruz gave a big speech last night with his wife heidi by his side. It was a rough and often Awkward Campaign for them and it had a fitting ending. Check out what happened after cruz finished giving his speech. Watch. For the presidency right now jimmy wait. Wait. Oh, yeah. [ laughter ] proof that he really is the zodiac hugger. Steve what [ cheers and applause ] jimmy cant stop [ grunting ] steve take me on. Ill hug you. But first ill hit you in the face. [ laughter ] what . [ cheers and applause ] youre a handsome man, jimmy. [ laughter ] jimmy youre a handsome man. But cruz isnt the only one dropping out. Today, john kasich also suspended his campaign less than 24 hours after ted cruz. When asked why he waited this long, kasich said, so at least i could say i got second place. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, thats not that bad. Not that bad, right . This is pretty cool. Virgin america announced that its teaming up with the rock the Vote Campaign to encourage passengers to register to vote while in the air. While most people see the candidates and just say, any way we can just stay up here and just keep circling . Circle for four years . [ applause ] ooh, a little celebrity gossip, here. Page six reports that Regis Philbin has been approached to return as kelly ripas cohost on live [ cheers and applause ] of course, he might say no. Or as Bernie Sanders put it, looks like i found my plan b, baby here we go. [ applause ] what is going on in the news today . [ laughter ] people are very excited about this. Radiohead just released its new single, which is called burn the witch. Then immediately told republicans, no, you cannot use it in attack ads. No, that is not no, no, no. [ applause ] hey, guys, a little reminder of course. Sunday is mothers day. And i read that mothers day themed promarijuana billboards are popping up in arizona. [ cheers ] you can tell theyre working when mothers day brunch lasts seven hours. [ laughter and applause ] you ever notice that mom upside down is wow . [ laughter ] do you have any hot pockets . [ laughter ] this is interesting, here. Apparently a scientist in poland recently discovered that insects actually have distinct personalities. But keep in mind, thats according to a scientist who spends all day with insects. [ laughter ] oh, barbaras in a bad mood today. [ laughter ] and finally, i read that nearly 150 people on a Disney Cruise ship had a stomach bug last week, and its being investigated by the center for disease control. In fairness, diseases are bound to break out when the sailors on your ship dont wear any pants. I mean, you know what im saying . [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show. Give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, fantastic crowd tonight. I love it. Steve come on jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Steve crazy jimmy oh, so good. Weve had a great week so far. Theres more ahead, you guys. Tomorrow night, iron man himself, Robert Downey jr. Will be here. Steve yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fantastic actor, great guy. On friday, well have jane fonda, Andrew Rannells and music from keith urban. Thats happening on friday. [ cheers and applause ] but get ready, we got a fun one tonight. Oh, man. Hes back as hawkeye in the new marvel movie, captain America Civil War. Jeremy renner is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Hawkeye Steve lovely man. [ makes propeller noises ] boing boing [ makes propeller noises ] jimmy later in the show hes the best, dude. Jeremy and i are playing musical beers. Steve ooh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy with some surprise guests. Steve oh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy not saying who. Who could it be . Who could it be . I dont know. Plus, i love this woman, shes a great writer, a quintessential new yorker and the Washington Post has called her the funniest woman in america, Fran Lebowitz is dropping by tonight. Steve come on. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my all time favorite. Steve come on. Jimmy oh, and we have great music from grimes is here tonight. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy love it. Want to hear a little grimes . Shes fantastic. Listen. Heres a little taste of grimes. Thats it right there. Thats it. Steve what . Jimmy you gotta wait for the end of the show. [ cheers and applause ] then you get to hear it. Its fantastic. Steve oh. Jimmy youre going to love her. And its a big, its a cool set. Shes awesome. Guys, as i mentioned earlier, donald trump won indiana. Hes pretty much locked up the republican nomination for president. So after his victory last night, he called the current president to chat. Steve did he . Jimmy yeah, president obama. Steve wow. Jimmy yeah. And we actually got footage. Steve are you serious . We have footage of this . Jimmy of that phone call. Steve oh, my god, thats crazy. Jimmy no its not. Its going to happen right now. You guys want to see it . [ cheers ] donald trump talking to president obama. Take a look. 180 days left in this hell 180 days left yeah play some golf waste a little time i dont know what else ill do with my time [ phone rings ] yes, hello . Jimmy congratulations, youve just reached donald trump. [ laughter ] donald, donald, you called me. Jimmy it doesnt matter. Did you see the news . Im now the republican president. And come november, im going to be voted captain america. [ laughter ] all right. Congratulations on indiana. Jimmy thank you, i love indiana. The birthplace of indiana jones. [ laughter ] i got to admit, it was a big win. Jimmy it was a big win. And when im in charge, americas going to start winning and winning bigly. [ laughter ] did you just say bigly . Jimmy thats right, bigly. And im going to be the bestest, most fantasticest president ever. Its going to be huuuugeical. Huuuugeical. [ laughter and applause ] i cant believe it, you actually could be the next president. Jimmy believe it. Because now that ted cruz dropped out, theres only one man standing in my way. You mean john kasich . Jimmy no, hillary. [ laughter ] oh, mic drop. Jimmy speaking of mic drops, i watched you speak at the white house correspondents dinner. It was hilarious. I watched your speech on Foreign Policy, and the feeling is mutual, buddy. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you for praising me. I totally deserve it. Hey, hey, realtalk. Youre about to go up against hillary in the general election. Shes going to be tough to beat. Jimmy are you kidding . She cant even put away Bernie Sanders. I know, right. What is it with that guy . I mean, you cant get rid of him. Hes like hes like glitter. [ laughter ] you know, you know how it is, you think hes gone and then four days later youre like [ laughter ] what the hell are you still doing there . [ laughter ] jimmy just when you think hes dead, boom, he comes back to life. Hes like jon snow. [ laughter ] wait no what what are you doing now . Come on, now. Why are you saying that without saying spoiler alert first . Whats wrong with you . I mean, are you serious right now . You just ruined game of thrones for me now. Come on. Jimmy who cares. Its just a fake tv show. Its not even realistic. I mean, a 700foot wall . Come on. Way too small. [ laughter ] small wall. I want tall wall. [ laughter ] look, donald, listen to yourself. Look, if you want to be president , youre going to have to act president ial. You cant go around claiming that peoples fathers shot jfk, or accusing people of being born in different countries. Now, now, look, can i give you some advice . Jimmy i dont know, kenya . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all right, okay. Not that again. All right. Dont make me go lemonade on your ass. Jimmy watch it. [ cheers ] cause i will. Jimmy you dont want to mess with donald with the good hair. [ laughter ] all right, look, hey, before i go, i just i got to ask you, what poor soul are you going to choose to be your Vice President . Jimmy well, im leaning towards a politician. Someone with experience, someone who complements me. Oh, you mean someone who has a different skill set than you . No, i mean someone who literally compliments me. [ laughter ] like, donald, youre great. Donald, youre fantastic. Donald, youre the best donald who ever donalded. See what you need is you need someone who is intelligent, eloquent and can inspire people. Jimmy okay. Maybe ill choose you as my vp. Oh, hell no. [ laughter ] uhuh. Look, in eight months, im going to be on the beach, taking pills in ibiza. [ laughter ] eating cake by the ocean. Obama out. Jimmy cue the music. [ cheers and applause ]. And stumbled upon some stranded enthusiasts. D. He shared his sandwiches. He rescued their rover. He observed their methods. And was invited to join the crew for the remainder of the mission. No. James left to discover new frontiers. And potable water. How far will you take the allnew rav4 hybrid . Toyota. Lets go places. How are you doing today . Thats how i am. American express presents the blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. My only concern is that this is where we put food. A dogs foot is cleaner than a humans mouth. Thats what they say. Is it . Cleaner than my mouth. Get cash back with American Express. Cleaner than my mouth. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. 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And thats what happened to your breakfast croissant. And yours . It survived. Enjoy freshly cracked egg with ham and bacon. Or sausage. Two tasty croissants at an even tastier 4 price. Its a deal youll devour. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a twotime academyaward nominated actor who returns as hawkeye in the giant new blockbuster movie captain America Civil War which is in theaters, imax and imax 3d this friday. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jeremy Renner [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you are a handsome man, Jeremy Renner. Whats happening . Jimmy hey, welcome back to the show. Looking good, buddy. Thank you. Good to be here. Jimmy i want to talk about this big you went to you had the premiere in los angeles. Right, for captain America Civil War . Yeah. Jimmy you got to meet one of your childhood heros. Yeah, yeah, it was actually in london, in this giant mall, and theres thousands and thousands of people, many levels of people, and we were signing autographs. I turn around and see this guy who has a beard and i thought he was like some homeless guy, like, whats this guy doing . [ light laughter ] i go backstage and two minutes later, and i realize its mark hamill, its luke skywalker. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] but he had this tremendous beard, like more like obiwan kenobi. He had this tremendous beautiful beard. But i saw him and i literally i think i peed a little. [ laughter ] i said, i had you in my underwear. Your face was on my underwear. Jimmy hes like, whos this creep . Yeah. [ laughter ] then we traded Action Figures and it was cool. Sent me on my way. Jimmy how cool is that . We got this picture of you posing with him. Yeah, elizabeth was crying. Jimmy Elizabeth Olsen right there. She was just weeping. It was tremendous. So cool, man. Really, really, lovely image. Jimmy is it weird to have you own action figure and to be like everywhere . I mean, you have a daughter. Yeah, yeah, i think all that stuffs kind of weird. The little touch yourself toys. I dont know what to do with those things. [ laughter ] jimmy thats if you play with it yourself. I mean, if i played with it its a touch yourself toy. Jimmy like you havent played with yourself. [ light laughter ] the toy, im talking about the toy. The toy. Of course, of course. I can only say that touch yourself toy. Jimmy the toy, of course. What are you guys talking about . No but, yeah, my daughter like has jimmy shes a baby still, right . Shes three, yeah. She got these pajamas that have all the avengers on them. And most of their fa like the hulk is this angry guy. You cant tell who that is because hes the hulk. But you can pick out thor, hes got the hammer. And shes like, and thats hawkeye and he looks like daddy. [ laughter ] no, but im like, so thats daddy, right . Hes daddy. Shes like, no, no, thats hawkeye. [ laughter ] he looks like daddy. Jimmy he looks like daddy. He looks like daddy. Jimmy thats super cute. [ audience aws ] you know i was thinking we have another thing in common besides having a little girl. We have we were both Computer Science majors in college. Yeah, why did we do that . [ laughter ] jimmy no, i loved it. I was i you did . Jimmy i was fantastic, yeah. I really loved it so much. I think i took one class. Because i was really good at software and programming and dos and pascal and all those. When i went in, i had to take a a computer apart, take out all the parts. Looked up, realizing, like, this is lame. I looked at everybody kind of doing it. Im like, i dont really want to hang out with any of these people anyway. [ laughter ] im not doing Computer Science anymore. Jimmy i loved it, man. I loved taking things apart and fixing things. You were in it. Jimmy yeah. I loved i used to clean vcrs for people in my dorm room for extra money. [ laughter ] thats what what did you use . Like, alcohol and a little cotton swab, right . Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] dont give my secret away. [ laughter ] you made some good money. Jimmy i got five bucks for that. Oh, i loved it. I think i changed majors when i was a senior because it just, the program was too much it took you that long . Jimmy yeah, i minored in it. I got my minor in Computer Science. Hows that working for you now . Jimmy fantastic. [ laughter ] i invented this. Yeah. Whatever, its nothing. There we go. Lets talk about captain America Civil War. I mean, gosh, thank god there are computer programmers. cause the cgi in this thing is like this is where technologys going. This is where films are going. Its like, its the biggest, most fun, actionpacked movie ive seen in a long time. I loved it. Yeah, it immerses a lot, a a lot of people with the effects today. Jimmy oh, its just insane to me. I dont want to spoil anything, obviously. Spoiler alert. But i havent seen the movie anyways and please dont spoil anything for me. [ laughter ] jimmy oh. You you die at the end. Ah, dang it [ laughter ] jimmy no, no, no. He doesnt. Well, maybe he does. [ laughter ] its great, but its good to see all of your favorite all the avengers. Its iron mans team versus captain americas team. Yep. Yeah. Jimmy and they go headtohead. I mean, they fight the whole movie. The end of that giant sequence at the airport, that we all fight together, we come charging jimmy were you actually in the scene with everybody . Well, not really. You kind of theres tents set up on this big concrete sort of airport, if you will, and you saw everybodys costume and half the people were working, the other half werent. So its kind of like being in a a locker room at a football game. You see like, oh, thats what falcons outfit looks like, and how much crap hes got to put on. So you start to understand like, you know, the pain that people have to go through to get in these costumes. Jimmy you kind of lucked out. You got a pretty decent costume. Yeah, i have a zipper. I can just go to the bathroom. [ laughter ] i can go to the bathroom whenever i want. Jimmy they dont make zippers on those outfits. It takes 19 people to, like, take off, you know jimmy iron man. Yeah, or paul bettany or vision. That poor guys in the makeup chair longer than hes on camera the entire movie. [ light laughter ] hes just always in the makeup chair all day long, taking it on, taking it off. Jimmy but him in particular, he looks fantastic. Hes amazing. Jimmy cause the makeup is great. Everythings top notch. And the Russo Brothers did a a great job directing. Yeah, theyre fantastic. Jimmy the pace goes and it just doesnt stop. Its a runaway train. I want to show everyone a clip. Heres Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen and paul bettany in captain America Civil War. Take a look at this. Guess i should have knocked. Oh, my god. What are you doing here . Disappointing my kids. Supposed to go water skiing. Cap needs our help. Come on. Clint. You should not be here. Really . I retire for what, like, five minutes and it all goes please consider the consequence of your actions. Okay, theyre considered. Okay, we got to go. Jimmy it is fun, baby [ cheers ] fun. [ applause ] congratulations on that. Its good stuff. Yeah. Jimmy jeremy and i are playing musical beers with some surprise guests. [ cheers ] surprise guests when we come back. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] amber assumed it was a mirror. Amber assumed all ranch dressings were made equal. Assume nothing. Hidden valley ranch has artificial flavors. Kraft ranch has no artificial flavors. No synthetic colors. No wonder it tastes so good. Can you say i love it . Oh love it . Can you say hey . Hey thats the spirit oooooh. Ooh ooh wooh ooh wooh ooh sing sing, baby baby i love you. Oh yes. Ooooh oooh. 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Here, i have another one. all three whaaaaaat . the new waterresistant galaxy s7 edge. Jimmy welcome back, everybody. Im here with my man Jeremy Renner [ cheers and applause ] he stars as hawkeye in captain America Civil War, which is in theaters, imax, and imax 3d this friday. Were about to play a round of musical beers. But were going to need a few more players. So, joining us from captain America Civil War are scarlet witch, vision, and winter soldier. [ cheers ] please welcome Elizabeth Olsen, paul bettany and Sebastian Stan [ cheers and applause ] come on get ready jimmy all right, well do it, well do it. Guys, now. The game works like musical chairs, but instead of diving into empty chairs, were grabbing these red cups of beer. When the music stops, one person will be left emptyhanded. Theyre out of the game and have to hang out with our dj up there. Dj jonathan hamburger. [ laughter ] now, were going to do four rounds. The last one standing is the musical beers champion. Okay, everybody, space yourself out and get ready. Oh, really . There . Which way are we walking . Why are you jimmy that way. Okay. Jimmy yeah. Dont look at me. [ laughter ] dont touch it ooh, sebast [ bleep ] dammit ah [ bleep ] oh, no [ cheers and applause ] jimmy paul, i love you. And youre the tall one. We did well. We did well. Jimmy we barely knew ye. Im english this cant happen. And your limbs are much longer than ours. Jimmy this cant happen, exactly. Thank you three. Wow. Jimmy that was rough. Sorry about that, paul. Sorry about that, paul. [ laughter ] thats a long distance. Oh, [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. Jimmy give it back give it back. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you got to drink that, baby. Im glad to lose. [ laughter and applause] audience drink it drink it drink it drink it [ cheers ] [ laughter ] i dont know if you really won there, jimmy, i really dont think you won. Ew [ light laughter ] [ bleep ]. Im really scared. [ laughter ] dammit [ cheers ] jimmy oh [ applause ] i tried. Oh, god. Yall ready for this . We already made out. Jimmy i feel like we already made out, yeah. This is [ laughter ] its pointless at this point. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy our thanks to Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, paul bettany and Sebastian Stan. Captain America Civil War is in theaters this friday. Well be right back with Fran Lebowitz, everybody, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] the one with the chighstrength militarygrade, aluminumalloy body bolted to a highstrength steel frame. And guess what . This is the safest f150 ever built. The only pickup to pull the governments 5star safety rating and earn an i i h s top safety pick. cuz when they say militarygrade, they mean battle tested. This is the ford f150. And every other truck is history. Thats socially acceptable. On what you do, thats fine. Or you can put an exclamation point on it like new chips ahoy soft chunky cookies. Theyre soft and chunky. But also soft and chunky made with [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a very funny woman. A celebrated bestselling writer. And one of the most legendary new yorkers of all time. Shell be appearing with bill maher may 18th through the 20th in the Celebrity ForumSpeaker Series at the flint center for the performing arts in cupertino, california. Please welcome our good friend Fran Lebowitz [ cheers and applause ] jimmy nice to see you. You look great. Such a great reception. Jimmy yeah. I feel like donald trump at a ku klux klan rally. [ laughter ] jimmy is that right . [ audience ohs ] its a good feeling. Its a good feeling. I was laughing because i was actually for a second, thinking about maybe asking you to play the game of musical beers with us. I didnt even watch it. [ laughter ] jimmy thats how much you didnt you didnt even want to watch it. You dont play i said dont even offer it to fran. Because fran doesnt i dont see you as a person that would play that game. Or any game. Jimmy or any game, no. [ light laughter ] you dont enjoy games. I dont play games. Jimmy you dont play games. No. I grew up. [ audience ohs ] [ rimshot ] jimmy you grew up. Come on, you dont play games . I dont play games. I grew up. I used to play games. Jimmy yeah. I was a child. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] some of us havent grown up. I was very good at being a a child, when i was a child. And of course if you still persist in being a child when youre an adult, youre really good at it, jimmy. Jimmy ive been playing for a long time. In the third grade, youd be the number one in your class. Jimmy i skipped over that one. What do you do you ever play charades . How about that . Im thinking of a movie. One word. No. Heres what i think about charades. [ laughter ] there are, as you probably know, people in new york who even at dinner parties, which is an adult environment, play charades. And my opinion of this is these are people who dont know enough words. [ audience ohs ] i dont play anything. Jimmy i know, thats why i think its funny to me that i keep grilling you to play a a game. What do you love doing . Do you love doing is there anything you go, i love that . Theres many things i love doing. Jimmy yes, you do . Yes, but theyre things of an adult nature. Jimmy of adult nature, yeah. Would you ride a bike . I used to ride a bike. Because i was a child. Jimmy very good, all right. [ laughter ] it used to be my form of transportation. I know adults do it now. I see them. Okay . I see them all the time. I mean, i rode a bike when i was a child because a a bicycle i know this is against the law to say that its a toy. A bicycle is a toy, okay. I know you can get around on it, you know. But i just think it looks ridiculous. [ laughter ] jimmy i love that you have an opinion about everything. Its very direct, but its honest. This is really you. Yes. Jimmy is there something is there such a thing about new york that you enjoy thats happened now, thats a thing that you go, oh, this is a a good thing, i enjoy this. You mean something new . Jimmy the bicycle thing was a new thing new in new york. You clearly dont enjoy that. [ laughter ] no, i dont. I clearly dont enjoy that. The thing about bicycles in new york is that theres the same amount of space in new york that there always was. Okay . Its an island. Jimmy yeah. Were talking about manhattan when i say new york, i mean manhattan. So, its an island. Same amount of space. And starting with bloomberg, they kept putting more and more stuff in the street. They didnt make the streets bigger. They just put more and more stuff in them. So you now have bicycles. Rickshaws. Okay . Is that a modern idea . [ light laughter ] jimmy everybody has a a rickshaw. And i notice if you pass them, you see them, its Something Like i forget how much it is, its like 3 a minute. Its like pornography. [ laughter ] 3 a minute. And i think, are these tourists out of their mind . Yes, they are. Theres bicycles, rickshaws. And then they took away half the streets for bicycle lanes which the bikes dont use. Jimmy theres a lane for chairs, now. People just sit in chairs. One of these lanes has like big polka dots on it. Someone said, whats that for . I said, there must be a a hopping lane now. [ light laughter ] jimmy people can hop to work. Yeah, its really fun. Play jacks. What about now theyre getting rid of tipping in restaurants . This to me is the greatest thing ever. Jimmy you like this . Yes, i love this. Because i went to a restaurant the other night and there was no tipping. The reason its great not only is great, because its not that dignified to give and accept tips, its a little undemocratic. But on top of that, if youre really bad at math like me, it is a nightmare, you know. You think of it as tipping. I think of it as division. [ laughter ] i cant do it. I count on my fingers. Ive had many experiences in my life where 4 00 in the morning, i go, oh, my god, i tipped 70 . [ laughter ] or worse, oh, my god, i tipped 7 , i can never go there again. So no tipping is a great idea. Jimmy it takes the math out. They should have it also in apartment buildings. I dont think doormen will really go for that, but yes. Jimmy you see that as well. Well, you have to figure out which is the doorman i hate the least [ laughter ] jimmy very new yorky thing. Your opinion can i get quick id like your opinion on the president ial race here. We have looks like maybe donald trump. Not maybe. I mean, for the candidate. Jimmy for the candidate. Yes, yes, donald trump. Jimmy donald trump, yeah. Its unimaginable, right . Because in new york, even the other Real Estate Developers dont take him seriously. [ laughter ] i mean, yes, it was an amazing thing. No one believed it. And now it is true. Donald trump. Donald trump. Donald trump. [ laughter ] i mean, its like it seems why not Regis Philbin . [ laughter ] you know, i mean its like, donald trump jimmy yeah, you must have met donald in new york. Ive seen him, you know, at very, very large events. Ive seen him, ive kind of like he always, like, nods to me because i dont know whether he just nods to everybody. Maybe hes a real politician. But i usually see him as im walking past him on my way to talk to someone i actually want to talk to. [ laughter ] but i dont know him. Jimmy you dont know him. He doesnt seem that hard to know really. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] but then you have Hillary Clinton. What do you think of Hillary Clinton . Is that something . Ive never loved her more. Jimmy really . Yes, i love her now. Everyone has to love her now because shes what stands between us and donald trump as the president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] so i have nothing im never saying another bad thing about Hillary Clinton. Because, no matter what you think of her, you may not love her but the truth is she knows how to be the president. Its a hard job. Its a very hard job. Not anyone can do it. Certainly not donald trump, okay. [ cheers and applause ] its a really hard job. This idea that they want someone whos not a politician. Its like, did anyone ever call you and say, i have a horrible leak in my apartment, do you know someone whos not a a plumber . [ laughter ] jimmy anyone whos not a a plumber, yeah. I mean, its pretty surprising. Jimmy do you like having people come up to you, asking for advice, does that bother you . I love to be asked for advice. No one ever takes it. You know, i have to say. I feel like ive basically been giving advice my entire life, no ones ever taken it. However, there is a situation now, i guess because of the internet, where people i dont know, kids, by which i mean people in their 20s, come up to me on street and ask me about advice about their own lives. You know . Where do you think i should go to college, fran . You know, do you think i should be this . Should i be that . And i say, i dont care. [ laughter ] these kids are so beloved by their parents, that they just imagine everyone is interested in what they do. [ laughter ] i dont care, do whatever you want, you have nothing to do with me. [ laughter ] you know. I go, dont become an ax murderer, okay . Please . Other than that, i dont really care. Jimmy i love it. We love having you here. I care that youre here. Thank you. Please come on every week if you can. Fran lebowitz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with music from grimes. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] take on the unexpected with a car that could stop for you. Nissan safety shield technologies, available in the altima, sentra and maxima. Its not embarrassing to order the same woodfired steak as your buddy. It would only be weird if you also copied the exact same sides. Oh. Thats awkward. 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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest writes and produces all of her music including her latest album art angels, which is the number one indie record on itunes last year. Performing flesh without blood, please welcome grimes. [ cheers and applause ] you claw you fight you lose got a doll who looks just like you remember when we used to say i love you almost every day i saw a light in you you know going out as i closed my window you never liked me anyway ay yeah yeah ay yeah yeah i dont see the light i saw in you before and now i and now i and now i dont care anymore baby believe me and you had every chance you destroyed everything that you know uncontrollable if you dont need me just let me go you hate you bite you lose after all i just dont like you its nice that you say you like me but only conditionally your voice it had the perfect flow it got lost when you gave it up though cause you want money you want fame ay yeah yeah ay yeah yeah i dont see the light i saw in you before and now i and now i and now i dont care anymore baby believe me and you had every chance you destroyed everything that you know uncontrollable if you dont need me just let me go baby believe me and you had every chance you destroyed everything that you know uncontrollable if you dont need me just let me go uncontrollable [ cheers and applause ] jimmy grimes, everybody [ cheers and applause ] catch her on tour now well be right back, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] okay, ready . Whoa [ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. Get americas fastest internet. Only from xfinity. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to Jeremy Renner, Fran Lebowitz, Elizabeth Olsen, paul bettany, Sebastian Stan. Grimes, once again, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] and roots right there from philadelphia. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight iggy azalea, host of the nightly show, larry wilmore, music from iggy azalea, featuring the 8g band with will calhoun. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers [ cheers and applause ] seth good evening. Im seth meyers, this is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers ] fantastic to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. Donald trump yesterday gave his first major speech on Foreign Policy and pushed for what he called an America First stance. Though really his stance is more like, America First, then