Dude, if you love beautiful statues so much, why dont you marry one . Oh, okay [ laughter ] thats fair. Thats fair. New york city mayor bill de blasio announced yesterday that the city will conduct a 90day review of all racist symbols on City Property in an effort to determine which ones ought to be removed. Well let me give you a head start. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] axios, today published a list of groups that President Trump has alienated during his first seven months of office, and now the world is out of paper. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] in a new interview, Kim Kardashian revealed that she did karaoke with former president obama, said obama, that was just the national anthem. [ light laughter ] this week, chuck e. Cheese announced plans to remove some of its animatronic performers. Oh no. Dont get these guys riled up again. [ laughter ] that is the pizza of this country [ light laughter ] that mouse raised me American Idol is reportedly having trouble finding judges to join katy perry for its upcoming reboot. Theyre so desperate theyre thinking of adding these two. [ light laughter ] yeah, youre right. You know what . Youre right. Its been too long since right and left shark. [ light laughter ] you guys thought you were out of the woods no way a man in texas accused of having sex with a chainlink fence failed to appear in court last week, and is now on the run from police, which is weird because it sounds like he would have a great time in the prison yard. [ laughter and applause ] a new study by economists found that income inequality in russia is reaching similar levels to that of the united states. Some russians are so poor theyre forced to live inside each other. [ light laughter ] im embarrassed by how much i like that one. [ laughter ] you were right on, you guys were right on sharks, i think you guys were a little dicky on that one. Six flags over texas has announced that it will not remove a Confederate Flag that flies over its entrance. Even worse, theyre refusing to shut down the notorious gettysburg coaster. [ audience aws ] not real. [ light laughter ] a song which consists of nearly ten minutes of silence has made it to the top 50 purchases on the itunes charts. Said mike pence, this rocks [ laughter and applause ] users of the Search Engine bing noticed this morning that the sites home page image include a drawing of a penis carved into the sand of a beach. The appearance of the penis is actually the only reason why anyone has ever said, youve got to check out bing [ laughter ] and finally today was National Thrift shop day. And to celebrate, our president is 99 off. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] his oneman play, the terms of my surrender is on broadway now, at the belasco theater, Michael Moore is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] for my money, no actor had a better year than her. Shes emmy nominated for her performance in fxs fargo, carrie coon joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited to talk to her, and music from one of Country Musics best, Little Big Town, everybody. So youre here on a fantastic night. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to all of that, Donald Trumps presidency is in a tailspin after his response to charlottesville which means once again, his aides are privately wringing their hands while staying silent in public with one exception, steve bannon who is coming to his defense. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth of course, the president has come under tremendous criticism for his response to charlottesville, but apparently for some of trumps aides the problem was not that he defended white supremacists, but that he said it out loud in front of the cameras. Well aides in the west wing were frustrated, exasperated. Even stunned, but not quite surprised. They were sort of stunned that he would go out and say this publicly. Members of the president s staff stunned and disheartened, said they never expected to hear such a voluble articulation of opinions that the president had long expressed in private. Seth so trumps staff isnt upset hes a racist, theyre upset we found out about it. [ laughter ] and of course we found out about it. Donald trump is terrible at keeping secrets. Trump would never last in fight club. They have this club, it is so tremendous. [ laughter ] and they have they have a first rule, should i tell you the first rule . I shouldnt tell you dont talk about fight club. Its the first rule. For his part, trump almost seemed relieved to have finally gotten off his chest how he really feels. In fact those close to him say hes happy about how his tuesday press conference turned out. With the country and his own administration reeling from President Trumps shocking remarks about the charlottesville, virginia violence, sources tell cnn that the president is quote without regret. Seth of course he is. Trump is incapable of feeling regret. Trump feels regret as often as he feels melanias touch. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and politico politico reported yesterday that trump had lashed out mainly out of anger, and that his notorious temper was driving his behavior. White house officials and informal advisors say the triggers for his temper are if he thinks someone is lying to him, if hes caught by surprise, if someone criticizes him, or if someone stops him from trying to do something, or seeks to control him. So basically all the things that happen to a president every day. Seriously, trumps aides talk about him like hes a caged gorilla at the zoo, which would explain this sign outside the oval office. [ laughter and applause ] did you hear that . Did you hear that . Am i the only one who heard that . So now trumps presidency is once again facing a crisis which means its time for the wellworn ritual of trump allies, and Republican Leaders not courageously speaking out, but rather quietly wringing their hands, and leaking to reporters that they are frustrated and upset. The Senate Majority leader, mitch mcconnell, is privately upset with the president s handling of this episode. Now one person who was frustrated with how today played out . Chief of staff john kelly. This from glen thrush at the New York Times is now reporting that gary cohn, who is the nec chair, who is jewish was quote, disgusted and quote, upset by trumps comments on white nationalists. Seth so theyre disgusted, but not quitting. Trump is turning every republican into golem from lord of the rings. I support the president , and his agenda no hes a crazy racist. Hes going to get us all killed [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and then there are the two people who were supposed to be a moderating influence on trump, his soninlaw, Jared Kushner and daughter ivanka. Where were they during all this . According to New York Times, ivanka and kushner urged trump to take a more moderate stance, but as with so many other critical moments in trumps presidency, the two were on vacation, this time in vermont. Oh that is Bernie Sanders worst nightmare. [ light laughter ] his home state infiltrated by a millionaire, and a billionaire. Also, how often do these two go on vacation . Every time something goes haywire in the Trump Administration it seems like theyre nowhere to be found . When don juniors emails with the russian lawyer surfaced in july, they were at a conference in sun valley, idaho. When trump was nearing the 100day milestone with no accomplishments to showcase, they were in whistler, canada for a passover ski trip. Thats right. A passover ski trip. [ light laughter ] i hope they left the seat open for elijah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but not all of trumps aides and allies tried to distance themselves from trumps unhinged press conference. Theres also trumps chief strategist, steve bannon, whose ties to white nationalists are well known which is odd because no one disproves the idea that white people are a master race more than steve bannon. Look at him. If he tried to do a nazi salute, he would throw his back out. He looks like the discarded skin suit used by the alien from men in black. [ laughter and applause ] Bannon Bannon was apparently delighted that the president defended white supremacists. In fact in a rare ontherecord interview yesterday, bannon gleefully celebrated the fact that the National Conversation has been dominated by the white supremacist rally, and the ensuing outrage. He said this to the american prospect about the democrats, the longer they talk about identity politics, i got them. I want them to talk about racism every day. If the left is focused on race and identity, and we go with economic nationalism, we can crush the democrats. Hey, man, are you trying to sound evil . [ light laughter ] i guess its no coincidence that you look like quatto from total recall. Shoutout andy samberg. [ laughter and applause ] on top of that, bannon was defiant when asked about his rivals within the white house. When asked about the more moderate, businessfriendly wing of the Trump Administration that opposes him, bannon said theyre wetting themselves. To be fair, youd wet yourself too, if you saw steve bannon. Hes the guy you see in a horror movie when you close the medicine cabinet. Now, the timing of bannons sudden publicity tour is interesting, because with trumps new chief of staff john kelly trying to put an end to white house chaos and infighting, and after the nearly universal criticism of trumps charlottesville response, word started to spread that bannons job was in jeopardy. If steve bannon was ever in jeopardy, you know, this would be the time when he would be in the maximum jeopardy. Bannon knows hes fighting for his job. Steve bannon allies, they do say this feels very grim for him. Its a bad moment. The death watch feels real. The articles on mr. Bannon calling him kind of an exile within the west wing. Heres New York Times, bannon in limbo. Seth i dont know if he can limbo, but ill bet hes been found under the bar a few times. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] we have a white house paralyzed by chaos, a president who defends white supremacists, and a chief strategist who gleefully eggs him on. Gop leaders and trump aides who say theyre is disgusted have to actually do something to stop this because as of now this guy might be the president , but hes got this guy lurking right behind him. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with Michael Moore, everybody [ cheers and applause ] for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. [intern] hey bradley, do you remember when i took your photo this morning . [boy] yea [intern] im afraid i have some terrible news. You have. Bug eyes here come the bugs ahh bugs everywhere uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna. Ever wonder whats in a beer . If its a bud light, its four essential ingredients barley, rice, water and hops. Heres to the beer you can always count on. Brewed to be americas favorite light lager. 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[b[cup hits floor]r] [tray clatters on table] [improvised musical sounds] [improvised musical sounds] [bell rings] welcome to our school boy and these are the lungs. class ewwww boy sorry. dad dont worry about it. mom honey, honey, honey, honey vo at our house, we need things that are built to last. Thats why we got a subaru. avo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Get 0 apr financing for 63 months on all new 2017 legacys. Ends august 31st. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also all week long weve had the fantastic drummer from the grammynominated rock band stone sour with us, whose new album hydrograd is out now. And be sure to check them out on tour all across the country this fall, roy mayorga everybody. Thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for having me, seth. Seth its been a great week. Its been fantastic. Thank you. Seth our first guest tonight is the Academy Awardwinning filmmaker of documentaries like roger and me, bowling for columbine, and fahrenheit 9 11. His one man show, the terms of my surrender, is playing at the belasco theater on broadway. Please welcome back to the show, Michael Moore, everybody [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome thank you. Seth how are you . Im well, thank you for asking. Seth so this is very exciting. Youre doing a broadway show. Youre doing it every night. Obviously one of the risks, i would think, of doing a show, is that if you have to do the same material every night. You went a little outside of what you usually did. You took your whole audience and you went and protested at trump tower. Yes. At the end of the show the other night, i asked them, because trump had just arrived in town. Seth yeah. And, by the way, im glad he waited after going to West Virginia and ohio, he comes to new york. He waited until he got here to announce his support for the confederacy. Seth yes. Very strange. I just thought that was very seth yeah. Very smart. And [ laughter and applause ] i asked i asked the audience, at the end, how would you like to go over to trump tower and greet him . He hasnt stayed overnight here since seth yeah. The inauguration. Seth and it was you had some here you are there you are with olivia wilde. Yes, she was there. Seth screaming and yelling. Yes. Seth theres mark ruffalo. Marissa tomei. Fisher stevens. Seth fisher stevens. And [ cheers and applause ] how much do you think we put everybody on doubledecker buses. Seth oh, wow. So you just bussed everyone over. From the theater. Yes, over there. And he wouldnt see us. Seth he wouldnt see you . No, no. [ laughter ] seth did you feel how much do you think it hurts him when new yorkers are upset to see him . A lot. Seth yeah. A lot. I was there at the very first demonstration, the night after he was elected. Seth yeah. And [ laughter ] well legally, the legal term is appointed by the electoral college. Seth yeah. Sure, yeah. But he was he was tweeting at us from up there. Seth yeah. Like protesters protesters say im not legitimate. Unfair [ laughter and applause ] wow, you know. And so we went back, this time and i thought certainly with Marissa Tomei and olivia wilde. Right . Seth yeah. That would really upset him. Seth yeah, no. I think youre right. You know seth thats his the demographic he would like to appeal to the most. Yes. He would like to believe that they like him. Seth now, youre show, one of the things on your show is the 12step program for helping people sort of deal with this trump presidency. And youve just added a another step. Yes. Yes. The new step, i just added it last night, was, we have to sober the [ bleep ] up. Seth okay, great. [ laughter ] so, what do you mean . [ applause ] i mean what i mean by that is we have to keep oh, hes going to be impeached. Oh, every time something happens, james comey. Is that i tell everybody in the audience, please put your whiskey bottles and your flasks on the table right now. Because every month youre drinking from a new you know, james comey, thats the end of him. [ laughter ] you know, well russia, thats going to be the end of him. [ laughter ] you know, and its its and now this week, the press conference and seth yeah. The ceos dessert him. You know, oh, that will be the end of him now. You know and no. Seth yes. So were giving ourselves cirrhosis in the liver and hes fine. Hes hes not going anywhere. Seth yeah. Hes not the teflon president. Teflon implies you have to be in the pan. Hes not even in the pan. Seth yeah. This guy gets away with everything. Hes the republicans im sorry to say this, theyre not going to impeach him. Seth right. Theyre not theyve already pulled their gerrymander districts and they know most of them think theyre going to get reelected. So theyre not gonna impeach him. Mueller, the special prosecutor, he cant indict the president , he can be indicted after hes impeached and i think, i was telling your producer backstage. I think the problem is going to be, that when he is indicted or arrested, do we try him as an adult . Seth yeah, thats a good question. [ cheers and applause ] i hadnt even thought about that. Really problematic. I think he has to be tried as an adult. Seth but this is interesting. Because dont do you think because i think theres this issue now is the democratic party, sort of hoping for you know, something to fall from the heavens to fix this. And not focusing enough on being a strong party. Do you think the focus needs to be on the midterms . Or do you think that is a lost cause . Not we only have to flip 24 of the republican seats. Theres 435 seats in the house. To get the house back, we only need 24. In the senate, we only need three. Are we that much of a loser group of people . That we cant get three . I mean let me give you the statistic. Most people dont realize this. In the last seven president ial elections, the democrats has won the popular vote in six of them. Six of the last seven. The republicans have only won the popular vote once. In the last 30 years. Once since 1988. The American People want the democrat. They want the liberal agenda. They believe women should be paid the same as men. They believe that theres climate change. [ cheers and applause ] they believe in stronger gun control laws. Thats our fellow americans. And yet, we hold no power. Seth and you point this out in your show that donald trump, you need everybody to admit, thats the first step, is that donald trump outsmarted us. You have to say, donald trump outsmarted us all. And then deal with the throwup thats in your mouth. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] but i think thats fair to say. Its the truth. Seth you have to give credit there. I mean, generally in a game . The person who wins the game obviously was better at least that day. Seth yeah. And he figured it out. He was smart enough to to convince eight million obama voters to vote for him. Smart enough seth which is still yeah. He smart enough to he was smart enough to convince the majority of white women to vote for him. 53 of white women voted for him. Smart enough he was smart enough to know where the state of wisconsin was and go there. Seth go there. Thats a big deal. Yeah. Go there. And i think that he you know, he knew the right things to say, because he was a tv star. He knew how to communicate on tv. You keep it simple. You know and i are going to do eight minutes here. Seth yeah. Were not going to do a sixhour harangue on the emoluments clause of the us constitution. Seth no. Well keep it simple for tv. Right . Seth you, obviously are very of course one of the things you railed against is the republican or i say the conservative belief system. Yes. Seth but that is an actual belief system. Do you prefer that to what donald trump is . I actually i actually do. People are worried that, well if we get rid of trump well have pence. I say no, dont be worried about that. Pence actually believes in things. We can have the great debate with him. He believes in gay conversion. He believes gay people can be converted. He believes that adam and eve rode on dinosaurs 6,000 years ago. [ laughter ] but we can have that debate with him. And because the majority of americans dont want the republicans in charge, we can win the debate. Because most americans will agree with us. With trump, he doesnt, he believes his belief system is donald j. Trump. Thats it. Seth yeah. Thats all he believes in is himself and what kind of money he can make for himself and his family. And thats a much more dangerous, i think, situation to be in. Weve got him out there in bedminster. Seth yeah. You know, last week. Bedminster, new jersey, threatening nuclear war from a golf club. And i [ light laughter ] i know youve made jokes about this here, but its kind of like seriously, anybody who lives in the new york area has any good idea ever come out of bedminster, new jersey . [ laughter ] certainly not blowing up the world. Seth no, you wouldnt want that to come out of bedminster. I think. Seth well congratulations on the show. And i know its going until october, is that right . Yep. Until the end of october. Its im having, its a great i want people to come see this, because its very something i cant do in the movies. Seth yeah. Its live, its in the room. Its different every night. And its a piece of theater that ive written for the times in which we live. And i welcome people to come and i made it part of my deal, because you know how expensive broadway is. Seth yeah, its very expensive. That the whole balcony is 29. Seth oh, thats fantastic. So people could come. So its seth man of the people. If you dont have 29, ill help you out seth Michael Moore, everybody. The terms of my surrender, at the belasco, on broadway. Well be right back with carrie coon. [ cheers and applause ] this golden opportunity features steel titanium and carbon fiber. Raw elements made exhilarating. By lexus. Experience uncompromising performance at the lexus golden opportunity sales event before it ends. Choose from the is turbo, es 350 or nx turbo for 299 a month for 36 months if you lease now. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. It starts up verye of everquickly. Powerful. Ed. It breaks from the norm. My name is brodie neill, and im a furniture designer. Day after day, we soldier through, overworked and under fire. What if there was a place to declare peace in comfort that helps cool and cradle every curve . The Serta Icomfort sleep system. In comfort that helps cool and cradle every curve . Get on up, mama. Get on up. Get on up. Do what you want. Do you want, let the record hop. 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[ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is an emmy and tonynominated actress who will star in the new offbroadway play, mary jane which starts previews on september 6th. Youve also seen her in tv shows like the leftovers and fargo, lets take a look. What are we talking about here . I didnt get your name. True. This is mr. Im an associate of mr. Stassis is all you need to know for now. Associate in what capacity . Ladies who well come back to that. Seth please welcome to the show, the very talented carrie coon, everybody [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Im so great [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh seth ive been such a fan of yours for so long. Thank you. Seth and this year, just a fantastic year. The leftovers ended, which was such a wonderful show, fargo such a great season. Youre emmy nominated for fargo. Congratulations for that. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Seth and i have some questions about those shows. But i also im always fascinated by what people did in their early life. Before they were actors. You worked at a best buy. I did. Seth in, near cleveland. Near akron. Seth near akron, of course. And that makes even more sense, because a Young Lebron James would come to the best buy. Yes, he did. He would come all the time. He was so tall. Seth yeah. And he would come to my brothers theater. He worked at a regal cinema. And it was very personal for us, always, this lebron james business. Because my brother told my mother that if lebron left cleveland that he wasnt going to propose to his girlfriend. Seth oh, no. [ light laughter ] and so i was watching my parents were visiting me in grad school or something, and we were watching the decision on tv. And as soon as he said it my mom burst into tears. Seth oh no. [ light laughter ] cause she was horrified. Now, my brother was just, you know, buying some time. He didnt really mean it. Seth yeah. Shes a fantastic woman, theyre married, theyre very happy. Seth okay, good. [ light laughter ] has a happy ending. Seth it does because, also, cause lebron came back. And that allowed yes. Yes, of course. Seth that allowed for their love to flourish. And we were happy to have him, because we really needed a win. Lets be clear about that. Seth im glad you got one. Yes, thank you. Seth hopefully youll bring an emmy back to cleveland. Oh my gosh, i hope. Seth yeah, that would be great. I dont think so. [ laughter ] seth you dont think youll win or you dont think youll bring it back to cleveland if you do . Oh well seth yeah. Oh, back to akron. Touche, touche. Jimmy i keep calling cleveland close enough. Seth i want to ask about this, because both the leftovers and fargo, i would say had sort of there was a bit of vagueness to the endings. Yes. Seth which is very much in line with what those shows are. But you have not in interviews you have not gone out of your way to try to explain to audiences what you think as an actress happened. Is that, was that a choice you made . Absolutely. Because a, who cares what i think . And i say that because you know, whats important is not the experience that i have. Its the experience that you have. And i wouldnt want to rob anybody of that moment of sitting with what happens in those shows and thinking about for themselves what they believe. Because what it does is it reveals more about you than it does about me. I had an acting teacher that used to say, i would always be crying in scenes, you know. He would be like carrie, dry it up. [ light laughter ] like it doesnt matter if you cry. It matters if we cry. I think thats absolutely right. Seth thats great. Im just captain ambiguity. Ill do all your ambiguous endings. Seth thank you. [ light laughter ] and then, i have not been able to stop thinking about the end of the leftovers. You obviously played that character, nora for a very long time, three seasons. Now that youve been gone from it for a while, do you still feel a connection with that character . Oh, sure. I mean, she taught me a lot about how to walk into a room. You know shes shes much, shes much less compromising than me. I was such a peoplepleaser in my 20s, you know. And i think she just didnt put up with any of that. Seth yeah. And it really changed the way that i, that i sort of stand and be. Seth thats fantastic. Yeah. Seth what a gift to get from a role. Absolutely. Seth thats fantastic. Its the best part of my job. Seth you another good part of one of your acting roles is you met your husband in a play. I did. Seth tracy letts, a fantastic actor and writer. Yeah, hes pretty great. Seth though, you met him on a production of whos afraid of virginia wolf, which is not where you think like marriage is great. [ laughter ] no, its not usually, its not usually an endorsement of marriage. Seth yeah. But in fact, i think our production was so successful because, you know, pam mckinnon our director and then tracy and amy, who were playing george and martha. They approached it as a love story. And i remember talking about it, they said its a love story and tracy would always say, wouldnt you want your partner to fight for you that hard . And that was such a beautiful way of thinking about that play. Seth yeah. That is definitely not i need to go back and watch it again. [ light laughter ] yeah, you should. It still works. Its a very good play. Seth no, ive never been bored ever watching it. Fantastic. Seth and you and i have something similar. Which ive told this story on the show before. When i got married, the day of our wedding, my wife had Food Poisoning and we actually had to go to the emergency room in the morning. It all worked out. But you had one, you didnt even get out of the hospital. No, unfortunately. You know, in illinois when you get married, you have 60 days. And then seth what do you mean, you have 60 days . Well, you have to register. Seth okay. And if you dont get married in 60 days, you have to go and pay and reregister. And nobody wants to do that. Seth right. And when it was day 59, i was actually doing gone girl in l. A. Seth so wait, why did you wait so long why did you let it get to day 59 . Because were actors. We hardly see each other. Seth okay, gotcha. [ light laughter ] ive been married four years, it feels like one and a half. Seth okay, great. So, i came home the night before it was going to expire, and said, we have to go tomorrow. And he said yeah, yeah, yeah. Im not feeling very well. We go to the emergency room, he has emergency gallbladder removal surgery on saturday. So by sunday our registration was actually dead. But i came i brought our rings and a little dress, and i said is there a chaplain in the house . I was actually talking to my mom, my little dress was on a chair and i was in tracys tshirt and some, you know, rippy socks and she just walked in. Shes like hello, im robin, im going to do a wedding. And i was like, ive got to go im getting married. [ light laughter ] and so, she made up this lutheran ceremony. It was just the three of us. And my husband was so high. Seth oh, thats great. [ laughter and applause ] he was so high. Seth was he could he get up . No, no, no. Seth no, he was in bed . Oh, in bed. And like, his gown was slightly off the shoulder you know, he was just like so high. [ light laughter ] seth he probably my dream was always an offtheshoulder gown. [ laughter ] my wife wouldnt let me do it so she was able, her gown probably fit really easily. Seth yeah, she did really good. She cleared out everything. She was ready to go. Good for her. Thats the way to do it. Seth thats the way to do it. Like you dont need to go on a diet. Just get a little Food Poisoning right at the end. [ light laughter ] something, absolutely. Seth and i think you have an anniversary coming up . Yeah, end of the month. I always get the day mixed up because we actually cheated by backdating it one day because it was expired. So i think its the 30th. Seth 30th, right. State of illinois. Its the 30th. [ laughter and applause ] seth ill make sure to send flowers on that day. Happy anniversary to you, too. Seth thank you very much. September 1st. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Seth carrie coon, everybody mary jane starts previews on september 6th, and officially opens on september 25th at the new york theater workshop, well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] introducing the new moto z with moto mods. Hello moto. 321 liftoff gasps oh cheering buy the new moto z with shattershield, and youll get a free projector mod. Hello moto. Ball park franks got their right here in the ballpark. 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Do you remember when i took your [photo this morning . , [boy] yea [intern] im afraid i have some terrible news. You have. Bug eyes here come the bugs ahh bugs everywhere uh oh, this little buggy got a lasagna. Remains missing. We have an exclsive interview w his wife. Who says they were separted at las ramblas in barcelona during that van attack. We ve posted that on or website. Reveal and on twitter feed the woman at the center of that police sex scandal. Is now suing the city of richmond. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Its that time, its that sacred time. Its time once again for popsicle schtick. [ applause ] seth for those of you who dont, know this is a bit where my writers come up with bad terrible jokes, jokes so bad they belong on a popsicle stick. [ light laughter ] and then they try to save these terrible jokes with what they call kickass graphics. [ light laughter ] here we go. What did one trump say to the other trump . [ slurping ] pardon me . [ light laughter ] popsicle schtick [ light laughter ] seth what kind of boxer psychoanalyzes his opponents . [ slurps ] freud mayweather. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] mambo and popsicle shtick [ explosion ] [ laughter ] seth why did the pirate watch eight straight episodes of jeopardy . [ slurping ] it was on his dvarrr [ light laughter ] you must schtick it when popsicle comes along you must schtick it schtick it schtick it good now schtick it schtick it good crack that schtick [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth what do you call big foot when he talks back . [ slurping ] sassquatch. [ laughter and applause ] hi, im popsicle. And this is schtickass. [ laughter ] [ cracking ] [ screaming ] [ siren ] wait, my legs [ braking ] oh geez, i cant believe we forgot his legs. [ laughter ] [ siren ] [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] seth where do dumb people find love . [ slurping ] okay stupid. [ laughter ] are you a small wooden stick looking for that extra boost in the bedroom . Do you want more confidence in your ability to be ready at any time . Ask your doctor if popsicle schtick is right for you. [ light laughter ] popsicle schtick isnt for everyone. If you or your partner likes the new yorker you may react poorly to popsicle schtick. [ light laughter ] popsicle schtick may cause nausea, dizziness, gout and will cause blindness. [ light laughter ] contact your doctor if your schtick lasts longer than five hours. [ light laughter ] get back to doing what you love. With popsicle schtick. [ spring mattress bouncing ] [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] with popsicle schtick. Late night with seth meyers is not responsible for any injuries incurred with a rockhard popsicle schtick. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth next up, what is king tuts favorite band . [ slurping ] pharaohsmith. [ light laughter ] some posicles stand in the darkness afraid to step into the light some popsicles need to help somebody dont you worry its gonna popsicle schtick cause im always ready i wont let you popsicle schtick ill be there ill be stuck in a chair oh dont you fear ill be ready forever and always a popsicle stick [ laughter and applause ] seth well dont worry, im confident the next one wont be that long. [ light laughter ] whats an iowans favorite adult website . [ slurping ] cornhub. The sticks are alive with the sound of popsicles with songs they have schticked for a thousand years the schticks fill my heart with the sound of popsicles my heart wants to schtick every song it hears [ laughter ] berry grape lemon blueberry apple fudgesicle creamsicle orange and pineapple firecracker sour cherry red as bricks these are a few of my favorite schticks when the shell bites when the news stings when im feeling sad i simply remember my favorite schticks and then i dont feel so bad [ laughter ] i am schtickteen going on seven schtick i know that im naive popsicles i meet may tell me im sweet and willingly i believe i need someone more like a popsicle telling me what to do you are sevenschtick going on schtickteen ill depend on you [ light laughter ] so long farewell auf wiedersehen good night i hate to go and leave this pretty schtick so long farewell auf wiedersehen goodbye mother [ bleep ] [ laughter and applause ] [ gunshots ] [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth [ bleep ] not, schticks this has been popsicle schtick. 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My name is xyla foxlin and i am an entrepreneur and a designer. No splashing wait so you got rid of verizon, just like that . Uhhuh. I switched to tmobile, kept my phoneeverything on it oh, they even paid it off wow yeah. Its nice that every bad decision doesnt have to be permenant ditch verizon. Keep your phone. Well even pay it off when you switch to americas best unlimited network. [ cheers and applause6] seth my next guests are the reigning acn and cma vocal group of the year and a grammy Award WinningCountry Music group. Here to perform their new single, when someone stops loving you, from their charttopping album the breaker, please welcome Little Big Town [ cheers and applause ] still gotta walk into a crowded room with the radio crack a smile and crack a beer like it dont bother you like it aint your song thats on still gotta cross the bridge to get to work the one by her place make it through the nine to five like it dont hurt it goes that way when someone stops loving you it dont make the evening news it dont keep the sun from rising the clock from winding heart from beating even when you want it to when someone stops loving you still gotta button up your collared shirt the one she used to button down sleep on the mattress where her body left a curve or maybe just the couch still gotta keep her number in your phone in case she calls back one night when shes drunk and all alone yeah you pray for that when someone stops loving you it dont make the evening news it dont keep the sun from rising the clock from winding your heart from beating even when you want it to when someone stops loving you the hardest part about it is there aint a switch that you can flip cause you cant stop loving them when someone stops loving you when someone stops loving you it dont keep the sun from rising the clock from winding heart from beating even when you want it to when someone stops loving you when someone stops loving you when someone stops loving you [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to Michael Moore, carrie coon, Little Big Town, roy mayorga, the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow guys. [ cheers and applause ] carson welcome to last call. I am your host, carson daly. Thanks for being here. And we are in the beautiful