Jimmy you know, thats the story, that they first you guys first got together because you liked stevie wonder. He was playing that was a prerequisite. He had to be able to play ball and he had to like stevie wonder. [ laughter ] jimmy youre the whole reason this happened. Youre the whole reason this happened. Yes, stevie wonder. And im not mad about that. [ laughter ] jimmy i want to thank you so much for being here tonight. Thank you guys for being here tonight. And of course, i want to thank the First Lady Michelle Obama for being part of everything. [ cheers and applause ] thank the audience for being here today. You guys were fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] jerry seinfeld, dave chappelle. The roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you so much for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight Andrew Garfield star of the book of love, actress Mary Steenburgen music from colony house featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ladies andentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] seth good evening im seth meyers, this is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [cheers and applause] in that case, lets get to the news. [ laughter ] cnn reported yesterday that russian operatives have secret personal information on donald trump. Is it his phone number . Asked eric. [ laughter ] during his farewell address last night, president obama complimented Michelle Obama for her grace and grit, which i assume are the names of her arms. [ laughter and applause ] you dont want to mess with grace, and you dont mess with grit. So, eat your vegetables. [ laughter ] during his speech last night, president obama told the crowd, america is not a fragile thing. Oh, thank god, because i didnt want to say anything, but two months ago we dropped it on the ground so hard. [ laughter and applause ] for real. [ cheers and applause ] buzzfeed yesterday released an unverified report, alleging that donald trump hired prostitutes to perform a golden showers urination show [ light laughter ] in a bed where president obama and the first lady had stayed in moscow. Um, thats what happened in my bed, too, said eric. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump seemingly dismissed unverified reports that he hired prostitutes to perform golden showers in russia, saying he was, very much of a germaphobe. I guess thats why when he meets beautiful women, he doesnt grab them by the hand. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] during president obamas Farewell Speech last night, someone in the audience was heard chanting four more years. Unfortunately, it was this guy. [ laughter ] during Donald Trumps press conference this morning, his lawyer referenced a table with stacks of manila folders to show the complexity of the paperwork separating trump from his business interests, and not, as i had assumed to give us an idea what the wall with mexico might look like. [ laughter ] [ as trump ] were going to do it all with folders. [ laughter ] were going to save a lot of money. Today was National Secret pal day, said a man who was asked not to come back to the playground. [ laughter ] anybody looking for a secret pal . [ laughter ] and finally, taco bell announced today that it will launch a taco with a shell made of fried chicken. Called, the naked chicken chalupa. So it looks like im going to need a new nickname for my penis. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. He stars in an incredible new movie, from director martin scorcese, silence. Andrew garfield is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic actor. Also from the film the book of love, Mary Steenburgen is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited for her. And we have music from a great indy rock band, colony house is joining us tonight. [cheers and applause] theyve been here before, so happy theyre back. This is our first week back after the holidays, and i havent had a chance to talk about this yet, but i had a fantastic holiday with my wife and our 9 month old son ash. We flew to see my wifes family and then we flew home. And it was the first time weve flown with ash since hes been sort of hes mobile now. Like, not mobile that he crawls around, he just wants to like, move around a lot. So he was not sleeping much on the plane, and also he only wants to be with his mother at this point. So he is her burden on the flight, just constantly having to keep him entertained. Meanwhile, im watching movies, im having a grand old time. [ laughter ] i check in. Im like [ laughter ] im a present father. [ laughter ] but at one point, my wife just hit her breaking point, said will you please take ash for an hour, just an hour, so i can sleep. And i said sure thing. I have this. You have nothing to worry about. And my wife put on her eye shade, and she went and she closed her eyes. And im not joking, she has been with the eye shade on for not even a minute, and ive got ash in my lap, and hes like putting his hands on my face. And im laughing and were having fun. And then he puts a finger up my nose. [ laughter ] and with his little tiny baby nail just like opens it up. And immediately i have the worst bloody nose, its so bad that the stewardess sees it, and just comes over and is like, oh my god, are you okay . Im like, i think im fine. I think im okay. So, my wife takes up her eye shade, and you could just tell shes like, what the [ bleep ] . [ laughter ] its been 60 seconds and theres blood everywhere, the baby doesnt know whats going on, and so she took him back. And i just want to say im really sorry. [ cheers and applause ] moving on, im sorry, i will try to do a better job. I like that little stinker. My sons a smart boy, though, i do not want to be with you. [ laughter ] moving on, there have been several contradictory and unverified reports in the last day about Donald Trumps relationship with russia, this brings us to a segment called a couple things. [ cheers and applause ] seth first thing, last night cnn published this bombshell report. Intel chiefs presented trump with claims of russian efforts to compromised him. But then today, nbc news contradicted that story, reporting that donald trump wasnt told about unverified russian dossiers. So basically, in the immortal words of our president elect what the hell is going on . [ laughter ] seth now, buzzfeed also reported on this story, but handled it very differently, publishing the 35page dossier, that detailed the unverified allegations. And its worrisome to publish allegations like this without a shred of evidence. Look, nobody wants to believe that trump paid russian hookers to pee all over a bed more than i do. [ laughter ] but there is zero proof that happened. Plus i find it hard to believe that trump actually paid somebody for services rendered. [ laughter and applause ] in all seriousness, i havent been this shocked by buzzfeed since their quiz told me i was a carrie, when i am so obviously a miranda. [ laughter ] ask anyone who knows me. Second thing, even if russian operatives did claim to have compromising information on trump, you know who else does . All of us [ laughter ] for example, while everyone was talking about these wild claims today, trump was announcing that he will not divest from his business empire, and admitting that a foreign entity offered him a massive amount of money just this weekend. Over the weekend, i was offered 2 billion to do a deal in dubai, with a very, very, very amazing man. A great, great developer from the middle east. Hussain damac. A friend of mine. Great guy. [ laughter ] and i turned it down. Seth he wants credit for not committing an impeachable offense. [ laughter ] [ as trump ] also china tried to buy rhode island, and i said no way. [ laughter ] certainly not at that price. [ laughter ] third thing, today trump called these new reports fake news. So despite an incredibly short run, i think it is time to retire that term. It used to be one thing, but now everybody is using it for everything. Fake news, as a term is busted. Its like the first time you heard your dad say fo shizzle, and immediately thought, well thats over. [ laughter ] final thing, the irony, of course, is that trump built his political career spreading a false and outrageous claim about president obama. And continued making baseless allegations throughout the campaign. So when you hear Kellyanne Conway dismiss these allegations as nonsense from the internet. You may think thats a good defense, or you may also remember the times trump said stuff like this. Forget the press. Read the internet. I do get a lot of honesty over the internet. All i know is whats on the internet. Seth all i know is whats on the internet. [ laughter ] so basically, trump has made his own bed and hes peeing in it. Allegedly, allegedly. [ cheers and applause ] this has been a couple things. Well be right back with Andrew Garfield, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ill call you back. Is this my car . State farm knows that for every one of those moments. What . This is ridiculous theres one of these. Sam, i gotta go. Is this my car . What . This is ridiculous this cant be happening this cant be happening oh, its happening sweetheart. Oh, its happening sweetheart. Shut up shut up thats why state farm is there, what a day. With car insurance, for when things go wrong. But also here with car loans, to help life go right. State farm. What a day to help provide access to cleanh water to womeng and their families in the developing world. We can be the generation remembered for ending the global water crisis once and for all. The possibility of a flare was almost always on my mind. Thinking about what to avoid, where to go. And how to deal with my uc. To me, that was normal. Until i talked to my doctor. She told me that humira helps people like me get uc under control and keep it under control when certain medications havent worked well enough. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Raise your expectations. Ask your gastroenterologist about humira. With humira, control is possible. Hey, pal. What, you got you want tough love, mentholyptus halls with big time cooling flavor. Or soft love. Milder flavored honey halls with real honey. Tough love. Soft love. Get the love you love. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, so excited. Fred armisen is with us this entire week. [ cheers and applause ] fred, congratulations. Series season seven of portlandia airing right now on ifc. [ cheers and applause ] and yet, despite that i always hear about other things you have going on. And i could not believe i heard this today. Trump obviously, is putting together his cabinet, and there have been cabinet hearings, secretary of defense, secretary of state, secretary of education, is it true that you are up for a cabinet position . Fred yes seth which cabinet position . Fred its hiring all the extras. Seth so youre secretary of extras . Fred yes, so for a lot of his press conferences and stuff like he wants to, sort of, feather it with people. [ laughter ] you know, just like in the background and stuff. So im hiring them all, trying to make it look really good. [ laughter ] and like get people from different states and stuff and make sure they dress nice and make sure that like when theyre talking, you know, like theyre not talking out loud. So its like that kind of thing, you know. [ laughter ] seth right, you dont want to hear them during a press conference or a rally, you want to hear him. Fred exactly. But you still want to make it look like its active. Seth yeah. Fred so that theyre like talking to each other and like you know, all that kind of stuff. Seth now do you ever worry sometimes that one of your extras, once you tell them that, itll be obvious that theyre not saying anything . Fred i worry so much about that every day. And i think thats why i was hired. Because i care. I care about every one of these guys. Seth can you show me a good example of an extra bad fake talking and an extra good fake talking . Fred good fake talking is like when youre just like. Seth thats great. Fred but this whole like seth and is that a big problem for the secretary of extras . Fred huge. Huge. [ laughter ] and we just try to like tone it down. Keep it real. Have fun for every take just like do it over and over. [ laughter ] seth and how many for a press conference how many extras would you hire . Fred 200. Seth okay. Fred if its a close up, we do the close up and then we do the reverse. You know. Seth so, its like shooting a movie . Fred its very much like shooting a movie. Seth how long do you audition each extra . Fred we do it by groups. Seth okay good. [ laughter ] fred you know what im saying. So well have like 50 of them. Guys do your best. I mean do their talking. And then we just like, that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, not that one. Whatever. Seth great. Well i hope you get confirmed. And congratulations. Fred thanks. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth i just wanted to take a moment to remind everyone about where you can find us online to watch videos of closer look, guest interviews and more. So please follow us on youtube, facebook, twitter, snapchat and instagram for all things late night. Very excited about this. Our first guest tonight is a talented actor who you know from the social network and hacksaw ridge. You can see him in the new Martin Scorsese film, silence, in select theaters now and nation wide this friday. Lets take a look. Sick of being trapped in here all day. Eat. We dont even know if father ferreira is alive or dead. The villagers never even heard of him. These people are so frightened. Its fear, all they have. And lice. They have us. We comfort them. How much longer can we do that . We asked for this mission francisco. We prayed for this in the exercises. God heard us then, and he hears us now. Well then, may he guide us to ferreira so we can know the truth. Seth please welcome to the show, Andrew Garfield. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Im really good. Seth its so great to see you. Nice to see you too. Nice to see fred. Hello, fred. Seth have you heard about freds exciting news . Whats that . Seth hes going to be the secretary of extras. You know, i did hear this, just now. [ laughter ] seth so this has been an exciting year for you. Not only is this film out but i want to congratulate you on hacksaw ridge as well. Which is a fantastic film. You were nominated for a golden globe. These are both very intense films. Are you like, when youre not shooting, are you trying to have a good time and relax a little bit . I am attempting to, yeah. I did have a lovely year. It was a weird thing because last year was so [ bleep ]. Seth yeah. 2016, sort of, has already had a reputation for being a real bad one. It was a rough a rough time. We lost a lot of beloved people, a lot of stuff happened the election all that happened. There was a tremendous loss of soul. Seth yeah. And yet you were just having a grand old time. I was cashing in. [ laughter ] its very very very weird. I feel very split. I feel very giddy and happy over here in one part of me. And the other part of me is in horror. Seth right. So im trying to reconcile those pieces. Seth and this film, silence, this is Martin Scorseses directed it and this is a film he was trying to make for 28 years. Yes. Seth so does that add a burden of pressure to something, when all of a sudden finally, things have come together and now youre making this movie thats been in a, sort of, visionary directors head for that long. Yeah, its a wild thing. You kind of you kind of have to convince yourself that its meant somehow, otherwise i would probably lose my mind and implode and turn into just a sack of skin. [ laughter ] but, you know, with a project like this, its such an epic story, and theres no i dont know, we were out in taiwan, we shot it in taiwan. And myself and adam, as you kind of see seth adam driver, fantastic. Wonderful actor. And we both were kind of starving ourselves, because it was in service of the story. And we were in taiwan away from everyone we knew and loved and we were delayed when we were out in taiwan. So we had about a month waiting to shoot. And id been preparing for a year, previously, so i had all this kind of buildup. And it was like every day i would open my apartment door, and there would be everest, just kind of right at my foot doorstep and like snow hitting me, not literally this is a metaphor. [ laughter ] snow and wind and the terror of how do you climb everest . And every morning i was like, do we start climbing everest today . And they were like, no not today. I was like okay, im going to shut the door on everest. Im going to go back and not eat in my apartment. Seth that is heartbreaking to thinking you went a year starving yourself and they said one more month. [ laughter ] could you do one more month . It was insane no it was insane. But ultimately, to be a part of any film where Martin Scorsese calls you seth of course. Youre going to say yes to being an extra, to being running the coffee machine. Youre going to show up, let alone be a be a cast member. Seth you play a jesuit priest and you went on a silent retreat to prepare. Mmhmm. Seth so how long was the retreat, and you were completely silent the whole time . Yes. Seth like how much wiggle room. I find it funny because people talk about it like its a big deal. I guess it is a big deal in our modern age. Because the idea of any sense of quite with ones self is kind of terrifying to people now, maybe. But i i dont know, i loved it. I felt totally at home in that kind of meditative, kind of prayerful state. It was a week, it was a week. Seth okay. And adam showed up halfway through. Seth he didnt have to do the whole week . [ laughter ] no. He decided he only needed like five days. [ laughter ] which he did i mean, i just needed to work harder than he does. But he shows up, and im eating my tepid welsh soup. cause were in the middle of these of these bucolic hills and whales and im kind of like [ laughter ] and hes like [ laughter ] and im like seth but thats allowed. Well, i guess so. I dont know, we did it. I dont know if seth is there like someone checking on silence is . Is there like a librarian for lack of a better term . [ laughter ] somebody thats like hey we have a very stern welsh woman in the corner just going no, no, no. [ laughter ] no, no, no, no. I think if we had cracked and broken no one, everyone would have just kind of given us repressed, shameful stares. Seth and now, were you recognizable enough to the other people in the silent retreat who were obviously not preparing for a role . Was there a sense of, who are these guys . Everyone was preparing for a role. Daniel daylewis was there preparing for something. Seth oh, right. The quiet man. Hes going to do, the quiet man. [ laughter ] no, no, no. We were we were just one of the many going on this christian retreat. It was very seth and then does it did you find that it had an effect on you, that it had an effect on the way you dreamed and the way you thought . I know thats one of the ideas when you do one of those meditative. Yeah. It was not only that, but it was a whole year of prayer and meditation, and then also, this fasting stuff. Starving yourself. I dont know if youve ever been through anything like that. Seth no, like an hour or two once. When you got kind of cranky. Seth like i had gold fish but they fell under my seat. Couldnt quite reach them. And by the time you did they were gross and like covered seth i still ate them. An hour later. Seth it was an hour later. God, youre brave. Seth i was. No, so so on top of that, were out in taiwan, kind of away from our family and friends. I would have dreams, i would have daydreams, i would have these incredible memories come up of the best meals of my life with the closest people in my life. And it was so specific. And it was the most sad, depressing kind of longing that ive ever felt in my entire. But it was great. Dont pity. [ laughter ] it was wonderful, because during that period, it really was really revealed to me, the people in my life are the most important to me, and the foods in my life that were most important to me. [ laughter ] like shake shack for instance. Seth yes. And in and out burger, sorry east coast. So thats like one person whos like been to california. Seth exactly. And you worked with, a jesuit priest in the preparation for that. Obviously the films very serious. You talking about fasting, it seems like its a very serious profession. Did you have fun with your jesuit priest . I did actually, yeah. Theres a guy, he used to be the parish priest on the colbert report. Father james martin, and hes an editor of america magazine, hes someone that i love dearly. He became my spiritual director over the course of this. And we did very serious kind of like we went and did these things, called ignition spiritual exercises. And they are very serious kind of transformative. But no, hes very funny. Hes a kind of comedic writer, actully. There was this one thing he would say to me when i would be kind of het up about something, or struggling about something he would say ive got two pieces of good news for you, there is a messiah, and youre not him. [ laughter ] which, i dont know things like that you kind of keep with you. Little little nuggets. Seth and was the training, was this transformation for you, into becoming someone who can play the jesuit priest in a way that youre comfortable with, was that a frustrating process, was it a fun process . It was incredible. I absolutely loved it. In all seriousness, going back to the modern moment were in where contemplation and reflection doesnt have much of a place in our culture right now because of the pressure to succeed, the pressure to achieve, the pressure to be popular, to be know to be famous, to you name it. To get seth too much information. I feel like whatever it is. Excess of information and lack of knowledge. Thats what my experience of what the culture is feeding us right now. So in order to create space and be quiet, be with that still, small voice inside is feels like a vital thing for all of us right now, especially with the four years were about to experience, we need to be deeply in touch with ourselves. [ laughter ] seth im sold. I cant wait to go home tonight and tell my wife im not saying a word for the next week. [ laughter ] this, i have heard this and i want to verify its true, because it sounds too good to be true, that there was a film that inspired you to become an actor. Uhhuh. Seth obviously, hacksaw ridge, an serious film, silence, incredibly serious film. And we talked about this transformation you put yourself through. And i guess this makes sense because the film that youre sold on is a film about transformation. I think i know where youre going with this. Seth is your favorite was the movie the jumping off point for Andrew Garfield thespian, teen wolf . Yes. [ laughter and applause ] seth it was. And you just saw teen wolf. Its got everything. Seth it does have everything. It literally has everything. Its beautiful film making. Beautiful michael j. Fox, its a man its a boy boy that turns into a wolf. Seth and pretty much everybody is only freaked out for like five minutes. And then hes good enough at basketball that everybody says, okay. We havent won a state title in a while, were okay with the werewolf. I like him. [ laughter ] it makes no sense that film. Seth its alright but now we know everything happens for a reason. cause here you are. Thanks so much for being here. Congratulations on your 2016. Glad someone had a good one. Andrew garfield everybody. [ cheers and applause ] silence is in select theaters now, and opens nationwide this friday. Well be right back with Mary Steenburgen. [ cheers and applause ] when the ship comes in by the hollies oh the fishes will laugh as they swim out of the path and the seagulls theyll be smilin and the rocks on the sand its so peaceful out here. Yeah. Introducing the new turbocharged volkswagen alltrack with 4motion® allwheel drive. Soon to be everywhere. Something powerful happens when you filter. Because when you filter out the bad. Youre left with. The good. In life. And in water. Choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. Choose the filtered life. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of american express. But if you hurry, the holidays may be over its more than cash back. You can still get the best deals on the best network. Like verizons best smartphones for only 10 per month. Like the Samsung Galaxy s7. The pixel, phone by google. Or the motoz droid. For only 10 per month. Plus, hurry in and switch to verizon now and get up to 650 to cover your costs. Theres still time to get amazing deals at verizon. Is your deodorant leaving white marks or yellow stains on your clothes . Use new degree ultraclear black white. No white marks on black clothes. And no yellow stains on white. So your white clothes stay white. And your black clothes stay black. Choose degree ultraclear black white. It wont let you down. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. My next guest is an Academy Awardwinning actress you know from the very funny series, last man on earth, films such as the help, elf, and the proposal. Her latest, the book of love, is in select theaters and ondemand friday. Lets take a look. Im very sorry for your loss, mrs. Monroe. But theres just no shrimp listed on the purchase order. And yet, i ordered them specifically. I understand, maam. Theres just no mmm, no, no. I dont think you understand. How could you possibly understand . You didnt just lose your daughter. You didnt just lose everything. You just lost the shrimp. So, i suggest that you get on the phone, and you find me some goddamn shrimp. Does that sound like a plan . Thank you. Seth please welcome to the show, our friend Mary Steenburgen. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Im good. Seth im always so thrilled to see you. You look fantastic. Thank you. Seth and this is a fantastic film. You play jason sudeikiss motherinlaw, Jessica Biels mother. And how did you get involved in this film . Jessica biel and her husband, justin timberlake, who you know, are longtime seth oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] that guy. Theyre longtime friends, and she told me many years ago that she wanted me to play her mom in this film. And it took a while to get going, but then this wonderful director, bill purple, was doing it. And justin did the score for it which was seth fantastic. His first time to do that. And so, we all went down to new orleans and made this movie. It was Maisie Williams from game of thrones. Seth from game of thrones. Shes a fantastic actress as well. Seth congratulations. Thank you. Seth it was always nice to have a great project like that. You and i i was a great fan of yours for a very long time. I did not know you. Its safe to say, in the last decade, we have had a ton of crazy connections. Yes. Well, for one thing, i cant believe Andrew Garfield sat here the whole time and didnt rave about the thanksgiving dinner i made him this year. Seth is that true . Yes. Seth he was at thanksgiving dinner, and he did not mention it. He didnt mention it seth just out here talking about working with Martin Scorsese. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, nothing about the sweet potatoes. [ laughter ] but, yeah, no your wife, i believe i brought her for her first trip to new york. Seth yeah. She was around 11 years old. Seth uhhuh. Thats when i met her. [ laughter ] um, yep. Seth i was older. [ laughter ] um, i lived down the road from your inlaws. Seth yep. Um, what else . I worked with jason sudeikis, your friend, and have worked with the great will forte. Seth will forte. Yeah, the most magical. Seth the most talented genius, weird. Stubborn, weird. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Who was just with me in little rock for my aunts 92nd birthday. Seth now, this is so fantastic. Yeah. Seth because obviously, youve filmed the show in l. A. Yeah. Seth you have an aunt turning whos 92 years old in little rock. Aunt frieda. Seth aunt frieda. Yep. Seth and forte agrees to come with forte, john solomon, you know. Seth hes a writer on the show, yeah. Kristen schaal. Seth one of the stars. And Rich Blomquist all came to all the way to little rock, arkansas. Seth did you invite them . Uh no. Seth okay. [ laughter ] no, i did. Seth but did you think they would come all the way over . Of course i didnt think they would come. Seth okay. Its, like, a deeply geriatric birthday. Seth yeah. Its her 92nd. Seth and you cant get direct to little rock. Youre basically no, and you have to work to get there. Seth yeah. But it is fantastic once you get there. Seth yes, i have been there. It is worth the trip. And so, ted and i, and my niece, amy and her husband, whose sister, by the way, of the girl that your soninlaw i mean, your brotherinlaw is dating. Seth yeah. My currently, my brotherinlaw is dating your niece . Yes. Seth yeah. Okay. Seth thats true. Theres gonna be a test later, so i hope you guys have this. Its called seven degrees from Mary Steenburgen. [ laughter ] so anyway, we have a restaurant down there with chef matt bell and amy called south on main in little rock. And we had a wild bash, and will forte danced with every 80yearold woman there. [ laughter ] seth now did your 92yearold aunt, was she familiar with his work . When he walked in, did she say, oh, my god, mcgruber [ laughter ] believe it or not, she did because shes, shes that cool. I mean seth yeah. I think you i dont know. Seth we have some footage do you have it . Seth of forte dancing. Is this with your 92yearold . Yes. Seth okay, lets take a look. Yes, this is with aunt frieda. Seth this is forte at a dance party. And this was shot by me, the worse photographer ever born, so forgive me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth the great thing the great thing about forte is he also looks like a dude who would just show up at an old persons party uninvited. [ laughter ] like, hello, ladies. Can i take you for a trip around the dance floor . [ light laughter ] yeah, no, hes amazing. Im, its actually dangerous how much i love him. Seth well, you have last man on earth, which just finished a fantastic third season. Its we got to the seth the halfway the season break. Seth the season break of season three. Tvs so confusing now. Seth a great cliffhanger, were very yes. I may or may not seth be dead. Yes. [ light laughter ] seth we just left it in a cliff. We dont know. Yeah, exactly. Seth you wouldnt tell me. I dont want to know. Yeah, or i could be a ghost or whatever. Seth yeah, we dont know. Yeah. Seth but its a great cast. Its a great ensemble cast. Yes. Seth and your character plays accordion. But i did not realize i thought that was a character trait. This was something that you brought to the character. No one has that character trait. [ laughter ] so i came late to music in life, but ive been making up for it. And i decided about three years ago, i was in mccabes music. And it was valentines day, and ted had bought me goose egg. Seth okay. So i said he said, do you want anything in here for valentines day . And i said, well, this is deeply unromantic, but okay. Ill take that little green accordion. Seth okay. And he just said to himself, she will never play that. Itll just catch dust. Seth sure. And so, knowing he was thinking that, i have learned to play the accordion, damn it [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth congratulations on that. How did okay. Seth how did forte find out you played accordion . So forte one day they were there was a sad scene. It was a divorce scene. And in our world, theres only seven people. So if theres a divorce, Kristen Schaals the notary public. And she, you know and we have a little ceremony. And, but, they needed music. And i said, well, what kind of music do you guys need . And they said, oh, i wish we had that sad death song. And i said, you mean dun dun dun dun dun dun da and they said, yes. And i said, well, my accordions in the back seat of my car. And they went, what . [ laughter ] you play the accordion . And i said, yeah, im pretty sure i can play that song, you know. Im not good, but i can play that. Seth yeah. So moments later, im playing the death march. And now, he has me play ive played love in an elevator by aerosmith. Seth a great accordian song. Lends itself beautifully to the accordian. Informer, by snow. Seth okay. Sharp dressed man. Seth yes, a little zz top. You know, yeah. Seth there you go. Yeah. Seth well, its nice both that you could bring that into the show, and that forte would be open to using it. Its a great a part of your character. I love it. I actually really do. Seth you, obviously, youve mentioned how you have met and fallen in love with forte through this project. Yes. Seth thats also how you met and fell in love with your husband, ted. I did. I worked with him, and i have to say when i heard he was cast in this part, i went, really . Because even though i loved him on cheers seth right. I just thought, uh, hes, like, this sort of slick tv guy. And then, i got to know him. And hes pretty much the opposite of that. Seth yeah. As i say, slick guys dont say gosharooni after making love. [ laughter ] seth oh, thats a little ted danson tidbit that not a lot of us know. You bet. T. M. I. [ laughter ] sorry, that was my out loud voice. Seth yeah. My children are running to turn the tv off right now. [ light laughter ] seth well, just know that its too late because the whole country just said gosha rooni. [ laughter ] its always so lovely to see you. Its always so lovely to see ted and your fantastic family. And congratulations on everything. Just a delight to have you. Thank you, seth. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] seth Mary Steenburgen, everybody. The book of love is in select theaters and ondemand friday. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] [ping] [ping] [glass breaking] [statue breaking] hello, mr. Ortiz. Do you have a tax question . Yeah, im teaching tennis on the side now. Thats nice. But im going through a lot of balls. Can i deduct them . In your case, yes. You can enter your expenses right here. Oh, cool. Hey, david. Are you ready for your lesson . [ping] just like that. Oh, okay. Hurry in for Olive Gardens just 10. 99. Italian dinner, start with unlimited soup or salad and breadsticks. Choose your favorite pasta and sauce combination. Top it off with a delicious dessert. Thats three courses for just 10. 99. Only at olive garden. Only at t offers you all your live channels and dvr on your devices, datafree. Its entertainment. Your way. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. Theres more than one route to the top. The lexus ls and lx. Each offering leadingedge comfort, safety and performance technologies. The ultimate in refinement meets the ultimate in capability. Lease the 2017 lx 570 for 899 a month for 36 months. See your lexus dealer. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. You know, here on late night, we tell a monologue every night, and we try to write monologue jokes that are for everyone to enjoy. But sometimes, we find its fun to tell some very specific jokes that only a small group of people will get. Which brings us to a segment we call, lets get specific. [ cheers and applause ] seth all right. So here are tonights extremely specific jokes. This first joke is specifically for very pregnant women. So if youre not very pregnant, dont worry if you dont get the joke. [ light laughter ] what are a pregnant womans favorite shoes . The ones she can step into. [ laughter ] that is so true. Im too pregnant to bend over and tie my shoes. Im glad i came out tonight. [ laughter ] seth me too. Me too. [ applause ] this next one is for automotive repairmen. So if you do not repair cars, do not worry if you dont get it. Okay, here it goes. Why did the exhaust valve and the Combustion Chamber get a divorce . There was no spark. [ laughter ] sounds like that marriage needed a sparkplug. [ laughter ] youre all right, kid. [ laughter ] seth thanks no, no. Thank you. [ laughter ] seth leave her alone. [ laughter ] this next joke is for ear, nose and throat doctors. Thats doctors who are ent, ear nose and throat doctors. Here it goes. What did the laryngectomy patient say to his doctor . Nothing. [ laughter ] of course not. Patients cant talk after a laryngectomy. A laryngectomy removes the larynx, thus making it impossible to talk. Finally, the ear, nose, and trhoat humor i crave. [ laughter ] seth im very glad you liked it. This next joke is specifically for fans of the martial arts cult classic film bloodsport. What did chong li say when he lost to frank dux . Jeanclaude van damn ha ha yes, yes [ laughter ] ha ha ha [ chanting ] kumite kumite come on kumite [ audience chanting kumite ] seth all right, all right. Thats more than enough. [ light laughter ] all right, do one more. Kumite seth all right. Thats enough [ laughter ] seth this is for fans of 1980s r b music, specifically the edmonds family. When is it time for babyface to see his brothers . After 7. [ laughter ] ooh, after 7 is babyfaces brothers group. Man, when it comes to jokes, it looks like you just cant stop [ laughter ] seth hey, ive got jokes for you, whether youre ready or not [ laughter ] exceptional [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth this next joke is for geologists who specialize [ laughter ] geologists who specialize in icelandic volcanos, especially the one that erupted in 2010. [ laughter ] how do people from iceland order their steaks . Rare, medium rare, or eyjafjallajokulled. [ laughter ] its the name of the volcano eyjafjallajokull he added the ed to the end of the name of the volcano. Thus making the word, cooked. [ laughter ] i get it. No you dont [ laughter ] seth im glad one of you enjoyed it. This last joke is very specific. Its for executioners from the french revolution. [ light laughter ] how did members of le troisieme property get ahead . By looking in the lunette. [ laughter ] the lunette, the part of the guillotine that holds your head. Ho, ho, ho seth thank you, man. Im glad you liked it. Ho, ho, ho i really needed to laugh today. [ laughter ] ho, ho, ho, ho. [ laughter and applause ] seth thats all for lets get specific. Well be right back with music from colony house. [ cheers and applause ] feast your eyes on the thinmazing, thintastical chips ahoy thins then, feast your mouth on their crisptacular chocolatechippedness its no trick we put an exclamation point on thin and prestochipo, now its thincredible made with o romeo, romeo wherefore art thou romeo. Call me but love, henceforth i never will be romeo my love is deep, the more i give to thee. A thousand times goodnight. To help provide access to cleanh water to womeng and their families in the developing world. We can be the generation remembered for ending the global water crisis once and for all. What if an Insurance Company wasnt only there when things went wrong . Because for every tornado. Theres a twister. For every crash. An even bigger collision. And for every tailspin. Well, tailspins. State farm understands that getting the most out of life doesnt just mean being there when things go wrong. Its about being here. In all of lifes moments. When things go perfectly. Right. [cheers and applause] seth tonights musical guest will release their second album only the lonely, this friday. Back on the show to perform their latest single, you and i, please welcome colony house. [ cheers and applause ] lately whats the problem whats the headline this time somehow were okay with all these differences leaving us blind blind blind im not scared of fighting im just a little bit over this conversation im not trying to hide it im just thinking slowly maybe you and i can live together if we ever learn to ease the tension maybe the world isnt crazy maybe its you and i i i i found the truth in the distance i heard the words in the wind and on it goes like wildfire its spreading from past lives to the living whos changing the people or times times times im not scared of fighting im just a little bit over this conversation im not trying to hide it im just thinking slowly maybe you and i can live together if we ever learn to ease the tension maybe the world isnt crazy maybe its you and i i i lost with a cause someone wrote down n a paper that defines all the lines that we draw but we dont understand whats unstable maybe were all lonely and afraid maybe were all trying to find the words to say maybe we just need love love love love im not scared of fighting im just a little bit over this conversation im not trying to hide it im just thinking slowly maybe you and i can live together if we ever learn to ease the tension maybe the world isnt crazy maybe the world isnt crazy maybe this world isnt crazy maybe its you and i i i [cheers and applause] seth colony house, everybody. Only the lonely is out this friday. Well be right back. [cheers and applause]