[ laughter ] the chicago cubs are in the world series this year, hoping to win their first championship in 108 years. Just think in a couple of weeks the cubs could have won a world series and we could have a woman president. Or they could both lose to a racist mascot. [ laughter and applause ] the indian is so much happier than he is. [ laughter ] Vice President joe biden told reporters yesterday that he is considering getting involved in academia after leaving office and is in talks with a couple of major universities. When asked what he was thinking of teaching, biden said, oh, im not teaching. [ laughter and applause ] im not going back to teach. A Political Science professor at sunystony brook claims he has developed a new mathematical model that predicts donald trump will win the election. Said trump, mathematical model . She sounds ugly. Hard pass. [ laughter and applause ] i mean mathematical . No thank you. Donald trump, today, criticized some of his republican primary opponents for refusing to endorse him, saying, quote, i dont know how they live with themselves. Said his opponents, we dont, we live with our wives. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] Donald Trumps campaign manager, kellyanne conway, appeared on trumps new Facebook Live show and said trump unequivocally will win the election. So look out cnn, theres a new, often wrong news channel in town. [ laughter and applause ] at a rally in florida yesterday, donald trump hugged a flag pole. But in his defense, he thought it was ann coulter. [ laughter ] so nice to see you. Youre dressed very patriotic. [ light laughter ] donald trump masks are currently outselling Hillary Clinton masks by masks by 10 for halloween next week. And if you see someone at your Halloween Party wearing a tim kaine mask, thats tim kaine. [ laughter ] hundreds of Harvard Students staged a walk out this week in solidarity with University Dining hall workers who are on strike. Said Harvard Students, you cant take advantage of them just because they went to yale. [ light laughter ] and finally, scientists have discovered that monkeys have the ability to make and use tools. So if you thought they were good at throwing poop before [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] truly this is when i i have a talk show. This is the kind of guests i most wanted to have when i got to host my own show. First we have the wide receiver for the pittsburgh steelers, my beloved pittsburgh steelers. Antonio brown is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the editorinchief of vanity fair and his book vanity fairs writers on writers is out today. The fantastic Graydon Carter stops by. [ cheers and applause ] and hes one of our greatest young comedians working today. You know him from snl, he has a new standup special on Comedy Central, and hes a great guy. Pete davidson is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] how about that . Plus music from a great band right here in brooklyn, lucius. So we have an absolutely [ cheers and applause ] outstanding show for you tonight. But before we get to that, as you probably know a president ial debate was held last wednesday in las vegas, but what you may not know is that another one is being held right here right now. Thats right. I invited donald trump and Hillary Clinton to our studio and theyre here and ready to go. So without further adieu, its time for another late night president ial debate. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome to the late night president ial debate. Im your moderator seth meyers. At this time wed like to welcome both candidates to the stage. Wed like secretary clinton to enter with the confident smile of a winner and mr. Trump to enter with the energy of a man forced to go to dinner with his wifes friends. [ applause ] perfect. Lets get started. Secretary clinton, the first question is for you. Why do you think you and your husband are qualified to be in the white house . Weve been around for 240 years. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, based on everything you have seen so far, what do you think should happen in this election . My opponent should win this race. [ light laughter ] seth secretary clinton, you attended donald and melanias wedding. I heard he wrote his own vows. Do you remember what those vows were . You complain, ill get you deported. [ laughter and applause ] seth mr. Trump, whats the most important skill youve learned since you started your campaign . About three months ago i started reading. [ laughter ] seth wow. Congratulations. Has this made you sound any smarter . Very much smarter. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, can you name someone who has hands similar in size to mr. Trumps . Unfortunately dozens of toddlers. [ laughter ] seth mr. Trump, what do you have to say to the 14yearold girls out there who might be offended by the misogynistic things you say . Well see you in four years. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] seth i may remind the audience to not make the ooo noise. [ light laughter ] mr. Trump, if you had to crystallize it in one sentence, what is your stance on the hokie pokie . Its what its all about. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, what two words would you use to describe your husband when he was president of the United States . An eating machine. [ laughter ] seth mr. Trump, what do you think happens to people when they die . You go to florida. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, what is your plan to help the africanamericans and latinos in this country. Those people . I dont know those people. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, youre often critiqued for being overscripted. Will you ever do anything spontaneous . I have a plan for doing that. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, where do dust bunnies come from . Her and obama created this huge vacuum and a small group came out of that huge vacuum. [ laughter and applause ] seth very helpful. Good to know. Secretary clinton, if you lose, whats going to happen to the people who didnt vote for you . We would then have to put them on trains, on buses to get them out of our country. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, i heard that you shower in the dark. Why do you do that . What i have seen, what have i seen is so bad. [ laughter and applause ] seth mr. Trump, i heard hillary made fun of you for talking like yoda. Did she say she was sorry . Apologize, she did. [ light laughter ] seth sorry, she was. Secretary clinton, what is the one thing you absolutely cannot do . Talk briefly. Seth well that wasnt bad. All right, for this next section we will do it in the style of the classic game show, the newlywed game. Mr. Trump, for ten points where is the craziest place you and hillary have made whoopie . In the back of an airplane on the tarmac in arizona. [ light laughter ] seth lets see what she wrote [ ding ] [ applause ] congratulations you two love birds are going to niagara falls. Moving on mr. Trump, your campaign has been faltering. You have been accused of sexual assault, yet your family stands by you. Why . We give them 1. 7 billion in cash. [ light laughter ] seth secretary clinton, what do you think of old people falling down . Its funny, but its also really troubling. [ laughter ] seth i feel the same way. Its pretty funny, but its troubling. But its pretty funny. [ light laughter ] mr. Trump, what should it say on your tombstone . Proven to be a liar on many different ways. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth and finally, were going to close with the same question we always ask mr. Trump. Hows your penis . Its a disaster. [ laughter ] seth oh, youre being hard on yourself. Hows your penis . Its very sad. [ laughter ] seth no. Seriously hows your penis . Its probably gonna die. [ laughter ] seth finally, mr. Trump hows your penis . Its destroying our country. [ laughter ] seth well, it looks like were out of time. So on behalf of the candidates have a good night. Well be right back with Antonio Brown. [ cheers and applause ] alright, hows this for a tv show. Sous chef. Lawyer by day, prepcook by night. Also, his name is sous. No. Sloppy joseph. A middleaged man whos trying to get his life together, but he cant hes to sloppy. Huhhh no here you go. I got this. I get cash back so its like everythings on sale. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Everythings on sale a Home Shopping show takes place on a sailboat. Thats the one banana boat dessert on me. Look at you being all lactose tolerant. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. Itscan i get anyone a beer . Make it a redds apple ale redds apple ale. Also for a limited time in ginger apple. With another new flavor you never saw coming. Grilled, glazed korean bbq shrimp. And try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. Just come in before it ends. This isnt the country of just ok. Which is why, were introducing a Better Network then ever be. [data alert]. Ahem. [clears throat] behold, the future. [data alert]. Of wireless. [data alert]. Is here [data alert]. Data limits . Some future. Verizons network isnt better if its limited. Dont let verizon fool you. Tmobile now covers 99. 7 of their customers. Switch to the network built for unlimited data for everyone. We are a military family. They travel a lot. Every four years when we got restationed you think its going to be the biggest change in your life but theres always more changes to come. The first thing that we would do when we would get into our new place was set up the beds. And when i go to t. J. Maxx i buy good quality things that are going to last a long time. Everything i get there, i get at a lower price. Shopping at t. J. Maxx is always like a bonding experience. Discover real value worth sharing. I just think that home, its wherever your family is. Maxx life at t. J. Maxx. Electricaonly a few. E at the heart of every hybrid. Truly move us. With over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. This is pepsi zero sugar. Zero sugar. ooooh zero calories. ooooo but max pepsi taste. wow applause pepsi zero sugar. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please, give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, back tonight with the band, shes an accomplished musician from new york city, one of our favorite guest drummers. Please give it up for Allison Miller, everybody [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out allisons drumming tips over at reverb. Com. Its always such a pleasure. Allison, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. [ applause ] seth you guys our first guest tonight, is a fourtime nfl pro bowler and a starting wide receiver for the pittsburgh steelers. Please welcome to the show, Antonio Brown. [ cheers and applause ] seth what are you are you going to do homework while youre here . No, i got i brought a little gift for you today. Seth what do we got . Microsoft surface 4 pro. Seth oh, this is fantastic, with the steelers logo on the back. Steelers, tight logo. Seth and you are working with microsoft, yes . Yes. This is what we do for our team playbooks. Seth yeah. And we study on here. Seth so you didnt have to pay for it, really . Its a gift . Like, microsoft probably just gave it to you . Yeah, they gave it to me. Seth okay, good. [ laughter ] i dont want to, like, feel like have to then give you a gift because you just kind of got it for free. Yeah. [ laughter ] seth so i have to ask, how is business . Booming. Seth business is booming. Now, this is something. This is your catchphrase, that business is booming. Yeah. Seth i know this because i follow you on social media because im that kind of fan. I would follow you physically if there was no social media. [ laughter ] so, when did you how do you come up with business is booming as a catch phrase . Well, i was down in miami with khalid, you know. Seth with d. J. Khalid. D. J. Khalid. We were sitting there, talking, and he said, you know what, antonio . Its time, i think, to take things to a new level. Seth uhhuh . I said, its time to make things start booming. Seth wow. [ laughter ] and we ran with it ever since. [ laughter ] seth he seems like a very positive guy, d. J. Khalid. Hes really encouraging, man. Seth yes. A great friend. Seth i feel like no one would ever sit with him, and then, their catch phase would be, business is okay. [ laughter ] so, i want to check in with this of course because i was watching the game last week, and you got a little banged up. Yes. Seth you had to leave the game and came back in. How are you feeling . I feel good for the most part, but we got our ass kicked. Seth yeah. You played the new england patriots, and it was tough to watch. Of course your a probowl quarterback, ben roethlisberger, wasnt playing. Is it hard . I thought landry jones, the backup, played well, but it must be hard to play without ben . Its always hard to play without ben, you know. Ben is a halloffame quarterback, and every time hes in the lineup, it gives the team so much confidence, but landry stepped in and did a great job. It wasnt enough for us to get the job done, so were excited about the buy week to get everyone healthy and back, so we can get back on the right track. Seth now, you dont seem to be a guy that is short on confidence. Yeah. Seth you dont strike me as someone whos short on enthusiasm. Yeah. [ laughter ] that is not the hair cut of a man who lacks confidence. Right. [ laughter ] seth and, but you actually have gotten in trouble with the league. You received multiple fines and flags for celebrating after touchdowns. I would just like to show a quick highlight reel for maybe those who dont know your greatest hits. Lets take a look at antonio celebrating. It almost figures. Touchdown. Oh my god. [ cheers ] touchdown pittsburgh [ laughter ] Antonio Brown this time for the 44yard touchdown. [ laughter ] you wonder how hines ward feels about that. [ laughter ] Antonio Brown [ cheers ] hes a one man wrecking crew touchdown steelers [ cheers and applause ] seth i mean, its fantastic. Yeah. Seth how i want to go through them a little bit. On the full flip, how much is that planned . Its not planned. Its all about, in that moment, youre just so excited. The energy from the fans yelling out loud, it just gives you an amazing feeling that you just do what you feel. Seth wow, because if they no matter how much they yell, that would not inspire me to be [ laughter ] and i would be like, i might do a fist pump maybe. [ laughter ] but, now that, you will not get a fine for the flip, but Everything Else we saw, you got a penalty flag. Jumping on the goal post, now that one, do you wish looking back are you happy that you did that one . [ laughter ] that was a great moment, you know. [ laughter ] seth did you in your head, did you think youd be able to hold on to it . For a little bit. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but, we saw you had some thrusts. You had an issue with thrusting. You scored this just happened on back to back monday night footballs this year. Yeah. Seth opening season, we saw that youve had four thrusts i would say, maybe three or four thrusts. You got a penalty flag. You got a fine from the league. Yes. Seth and theres actually a key peele, a fantastic sketch show, they have a sketch about how many thrusts is legal. And, you scored a touchdown later this year, and you tried to bring the thrusts down. What would you say you did the second time . I did two thrusts. Seth two thrusts. [ laughter ] but you still got a flag. I still got a flag. Seth so what has the League Reached out to you to let you know what the thrust limit is . [ laughter ] i think theres no thrust limit. I just think you cant make it derogative where it looks bad. Seth yeah. Where people watch. Seth well, yeah, when im watching at home, i just want you to know im thrusting constantly. [ laughter ] i cant stop. My wife says its a problem. [ laughter ] so, you have four children, correct . Yes. Seth and do they have an enthusiasm for football yet . I think they love it, you know . Seth mmhmm. I think they see me play it. Theyre around it, so i think they enjoy it. Seth and they do seem to emulate you a little bit. Here you are icing your knees, and it seems like your son just icing himself as well . Yeah. [ audience aws ] autos icing out with his dad. Seth and, which thats auto . Autonomy. Seth autonomy . And, is this him as well . Yeah. Seth because i really like this one. Thats his younger brother, ali. [ audience aws ] seth ali. There you guys go. And, who and this is is it true that you guys get your hair cut at the same place . Yeah, same guy, nelly the barber. Seth there you go. Look at that, side by side. [ audience aws ] um, but this, i want to show this Instagram Video real quick so we can show the exact skill level. Obviously, its in the family how well you guys are receivers. Lets take a look. One. Yay [ applause ] seth adorable children. Thank you. Seth last thing im gonna ask you about because i actually believe we have something in common. You are an obsessive flosser. Yes. Seth and, is it true . I have heard that you always have dental floss on you. Its my i. D. Badge. Seth really . [ laughter ] yes. Seth and, is it do you have a container of dental floss . Is that the thing . Yes. Seth and, how often are you flossing . After every meal. Seth really . Yes. Seth this is i love that youre you may be a Spokes Person for microsoft, but youre doing more for the dental association. [ laughter ] true. Seth and would you say this . The key, to children out there who are watching, the key to business being booming in the teeth is flossing after every meal . True. [ laughter ] always floss. Seth always floss. Thank you for that message, and thank you so much for being here. Ill such a big fan. Thanks for having me, seth. Seth keep business going. [ cheers and applause ] Antonio Brown everybody well be right back with Graydon Carter. [ cheers and applause ] enjoy your phone you too. inner monologue all right, be cool. You got the amazing new iphone 7 on the house by switching to at t. What . . Aand you got unlimited data because you have directv . . Okay, just a few more steps. Door its cool get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data when you switch to at t and have directv. The image on the surface book, transports you into the world which is our main goal as animators and you can actually touch the screen. You cant do that on a mac. Psh psh lunch is ready campbells spiderman soups. Made for real, real life. Thanks mom [ rear alert sounds ], [ music stops ]on ] on the road again just cant wait to get on the road again [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] on the road again like a band of gypsies we go down the highway [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. Gilman go get it, marcus. Go get it. Coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1 cash back everywhere, every time. At places like the batting cages. [ crowd cheers ] 2 back at Grocery Stores and now at wholesale clubs. And 3 back on gas. Which helped him give his players something extra. The cash rewards credit card from bank of america. More cash back for the things you buy most. Its so delicious. I cant believe it has 40 fewer calories than butter. I cant believe its made with real, simple ingredients. I cant believe were on a whale. I cant believe my role isnt bigger. Oh, its real. Real ingredients. Unbelievable taste. Go ahead, enjoy. Real ingredients. Unbelievable taste. Initiating retrieval sequence. Activating thrusters. Target acquired. Dang it ah come on astronauts can vote from space. Take a break from the election with red or blue tea. Make time for snapple. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Our next guest is the editor and chief of vanity fair and the editor of the new book vanity fairs writers on writers. Please welcome to the show Graydon Carter. [ applause ] seth how are you . Im good. I floss as well, by the way. Seth you floss as well . Fyi, yeah. Seth this is kind of tonights kind of sponsored by flossing. Yeah, i can tell that. Seth so this is a book where your writers that have written for vanity fair over the years, writing essays about writers. Do you find writers have a great insight into how other writers work . Some do. Theres a lot of envy with writers from time to time seth jealousy between writers yes, but in this case i think most of it is admiration for writers that have gone past, writers who are still working and this goes back to like 1915 to the present day. Seth its a fantastic book and it draws a lot from what makes vanity fair great and as the editor of vanity fair you recently wrote a letter in an issue, which was about your long history with donald trump. Right. Seth you have a long contentious relationship with him. I do. [ laughter ] seth when did you first cross paths with him . More than 30 years ago and i had done a long story on him for gq magazine and in the course of the story there was a lot of the things he didnt like about it when it was published and one of which was the fact that i noticed he had very small hands. Theyre very neatly groomed, though. [ laughter ] seth the first person that noticed it neatly groomed, thought, yes. So we used this in spy magazine in the 1980s and we called him we came up with these funny for people and we called him a short fingered vulgarian and spy and that drove him a little crazy but then for some reason a year ago, april, he sent me a tear sheet from an ad, less than 30 years old for the art of the deal and its got a picture of him on it and he circles his hands in gold sharpie and he sent to me and says see not so short. So i take a card, i staple it to the top and i write actually quite short and sent it back by return mail and i wrote about this in the magazine and somehow it got picked up during the campaign and its part of the seth it was the reason marco rubio started calling it out. Yeah, im not proud of this, by the way. Seth no, its all right, but are you the New York Times just recently printed all the people he has tweeted negative things about since he announced, youre in there a bunch. I was an early tweeter. Seth you were yeah, hes attacked you often. Is that something does it hurt your feelings or is it a badge of pride for you . It hurt my feelings a bit in the beginning but then he realized after a year and a half hes assaulted everybody, but he called me sloppy, grumpy, dosey, dopey, sleepy and sissy. Seth oh wow so its like a 7 dwarves kind of situation. [ laughter ] seth yeah, thats almost all of them. Yeah. Yeah. Seth and you have yeah. Seth but with that, you have known him all of this time, you know what he was, you obviously made these observations about him. With that said, are you surprised where this campaign has gone . Did you think it would get this negative based on where it started . Well back in the day, he was sort of like someone at a golf club that was sort of interesting at the end of a game and he was drinking a little too much and telling stories and sort of amusing and entertaining and something, whatever the donald trump we have today, this has been fermenting for a long time clearly because they didnt recognize him during this campaign, there was a much uglier version of the person i saw. Seth because despite the original version was not that attractive to begin with. Seth yes, but this is interesting because i didnt realize this to be true. [ cheers and applause ] despite that and despite you sort of butting heads with him very early in your career, you went to one of his weddings. He invited me to two. I went to the one because it was quite easy, two miles, the one with marla maples it was in an afternoon at the plaza hotel, i could get there by cab. I was in and out in an hour and a half, it was like going to a watch lunch seth uhhuh, i feel like youre making a big deal of how little you were at the wedding. [ laughter ] i think i i wanted to be respectful. He invited us to one in florida recently and i thought if i went my name might get in the papers but my friends would never speak to me again but i really wanted to see that one. Seth doesnt that speak to, obviously so you have this you know you were at lagerheads with him. And then yet he still invites you to his wedding. Doesnt that speak to the fact that when this is all over, hes going to feel like he can just go back to having the same relationships. No, we didnt have a relationship, i became the editor of vanity fair and it was useful to him to try to win he back. Seth gotcha. I see. And i wrote recently about the fact that we took him as a novelty guest and the way this correspondents dinner, News Organization bring novelty guests as their guest, so i brought him as my novelty guest in 1993 and i hadnt seen him there again until that famous night when you hosted. Seth 2011. You were sitting very close to him because youre in the shot when it cuts to him not enjoying the president s right, one minute he he was sitting there stony as the president just very a beautifully and he was just sitting stonyfaced like an Easter Island statue. Everybody else at the table was laughing which must have made it a hundred times worse. Seth now i have to ask, with your proximity to him was it more interesting to watch people tell jokes about him or did you find yourself just watching him listening to jokes . I was like ping ponging, just watching back and forth. Seth yeah. Youd Say Something and watch his reaction. His reaction never changed, it was like a hood ornament. [ laughter ] seth the other thing, of course, is that you have a restaurant. I do. Seth waverly inn. Part owner, yes. Seth part owner, but he has commented negatively about the waverly inn. Yes. Seth and you have it on your menu. We do. Seth so when you go to waverly inn and you see the menu, it has donald trump, worst food in the city. [ laughter and applause ] now of course hes never been to the restaurant but we take great pride in it, i mean there are nights when the food isnt so great, but it never quite hits those depths. Seth yes. This was you mention spy magazine which was a great magazine back in the 80s and was it through spy magazine that you sent checks out to people or was it something you did on your own. Yeah, i took an idea from a friend of mine in canada who said, why dont you get billionaires to sign really small checks . Seth so, explain how this works. Okay, we chose 60 rich people in new york and we sent them checks for 1. 11 and the ones that cashed that, we thought okay, lets see if theyll cash it. Go to the trouble of endorsing and cashing a 64 cent check. So we did the 64 cent check. And then we seth how many people signed it . 30. Seth okay. And then we sent out checks for 11 cents to people 13 cents and only two people signed that and went through all the trouble getting them back. One was adem kashawgie, a famous arms dealer of the day and the other was donald trump. We couldnt believe our good fortune. [ laughter ] seth so, he was endorsing. So for a man a 13 cent check. Seth yeah, so he either is a billionaire because you have to respect that in a certain way. Seth i do have to respect his value of money but it does make me think hes maybe not quite as rich as he thinks he is. [ laughter ] if he says, oh 13 cents for nothing, yes sir they add up, though. Seth they add up, i guess if you get enough 13 cent checks, they do add up. Thank you so much for being here, congratulations on the book. Always a pleasure to you see you. Always a pleasure to talk to you. Graydon carter everybody. Vanity fairs writers on writers is available in stores now. Be right back with Pete Davidson. [ cheers and applause ] ooh, why the phelps face . Old computer slowing you down . Is it a real drag . You know. I know. New computers are superfast. And yet here you are with a new world record for the slowest computer. You know about it, now do something about it. Upgrade to a new pc. Powered by intel. What is he doing . I have no clue. If you an applebees to see usda choice top sirloin searing to smoky oak perfection on a new woodfired grill. Just wait until you see the price. Woodfired steak with two sides for just 9. 99. Now for a limited time. Only at applebees. So wi got a job ews . Ill be programming at ge. Oh i got a job too, at zazzies. friends gasp the app where you put fruit hats on animals . I love that guys, ill be writing code that helps machines communicate. interrupting i just zazzied you. phone vibrates look at it friends giggle i can do dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs. You name it. Im going to transform the way the world works. proudly i programmed that hat. And i can do casaba melons. Ill be helping turbines power cities. I put a turbine on a cat. friends ooh and ahh i can make hospitals run more efficiently. This isnt a competition redid you say 97 . 97 yes. You know, that reminds me of geicos 97 Customer Satisfaction rating. 97 . Helped by geicos fast and friendly claims service. Huh. Oh yeah, baby. Geicos as fast and friendly as it gets. Woo geico. Expect great savings and a whole lot more. When you ache and havent youre not you. Tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. We give you a better night. Youre a better you all day. Tylenol®. The little sounds your crispy bacon makes drive me crazy. You naughty little. Did you just spank your lunch . Yes. Nice. Food you want to fork. Introducing devour. After dark, we come. The brave shirts and the still in work shirts, united against all dress codes. The glow gals, illuminated by a thousand likes. The lords of the playlist. The careless dancers. The coat check skippers. The midnight feasters. And the last train sprinters. We are the night. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night, everybody. Our next guest is a comedian who you know from his work as a cast member on saturday night live. His hour long stand up special Pete Davidson smd premieres october 29th on Comedy Central. Please welcome back to the show our friend Pete Davidson. [ applause ] seth how are you my friend . I am well. Seth its so wonderful to have you in the building. I know this is a hiatus week for you on snl so thank you for making the time for me. Oh its great. Seth and this is very exciting, you have been on Comedy Central before for the roast. You did the bieber roast fantastic rob lowe roast but now you have an hour long Comedy Central special, thats fantastic. Congratulations. Thank you, im excited. Seth i want to ask why its called smd. Uh, okay. Uh, so what smd really means is suck my [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] seth okay. But it also happens to be my dads initials seth oh, gotcha. And luckily he died so i asked Comedy Central, i was like, can i call it smd and they were like, absolutely not. And i was like, its my dead dads initials and they were like, okay. [ laughter ] so now i have a billboard. Seth what a loving tribute. They have a billboard thats tell the city to suck my [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] seth i think hes so proud of you. And here you are there you are, thats obviously you laughing at what you pulled off. [ laughter ] yep. Seth but then, pete, here you are, you made your mother take a picture in front of it. Why did you do that . [ laughter and applause ] i dont know. Seth but your mother who is a lovely woman, she was backstage, ive met her a bunch of times. Shes so supportive of you and yet a lot of your comedy is a little bad, yeah. Seth is she do you ever worry about her reaction to it . Has she ever had a negative reaction to it . No, i think shes just happy im not like, you know, selling weed. Seth oh, i got you. Yeah. [ laughter ] seth shell take a dirty joke or two. She would take like, you know she would be happy if i was anything. [ laughter ] shes very, all for it. Seth thats great, thats fantastic. So, the other thing i want to ask is youre from Staten Island. Oh, yeah. Seth and i have historically found people that are from Staten Island are incredibly proud of it, they identify with it. You are not that is not you. No, i had a really rough time in Staten Island. I said some pretty harsh things. I said like i hope a tidal wave takes out the whole island and they all die. [ laughter ] i dont really want them all to die, obviously. It was just like i had a really rough time there. I know, its not exactly the best place right now, theres a lot of racism and hate over there. I understand if you live there its not its not all bad people. Seth well cause colin jost, the weekend update anchor, he was from Staten Island, he loves it. Yeah, he was from a nice part of Staten Island. [ laughter ] seth i see. So that i guess is the distinction, is there are nice parts of Staten Island. Theres one nice part of Staten Island and colin grew up there and the rest is pretty awful. [ laughter ] seth the rest is sort of surrounding it. But yeah, i definitely dont want everyone there to die. Seth thats nice for you to clear that up for everybody. [ laughter ] so i noticed i knew you had tattoos before but you have a lot more. Yes seth when did you up your tattoo game. Um, over the summer. Seth you pretty much sleeved both arms. Yeah, i left the show with no sleeves and then came back with with sleeves. Seth and what was did you just go tattoo crazy this summer . I dont know, i really liked them. Theyre cool. Seth okay. Yeah, i dont know. I dont know, i like them. Seth thats good. Do you have are they cool things . Do you have cool things . I have my dads helmet, i have like a bunch of harry potter crap, which heres the thing about the harry potter crap, at the time it seemed like a good idea but like but like what if like one of the people on the cast is like a sex offender later on, you know . [ laughter ] seth oh, you mean someone in the harry potter movie. Yeah, its a huge cast so if someone comes out as im screwed. Seth are you saying are you talking about all the people in the 80s who got bill cosby tattoos. Yeah. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] theres someone out there with a dope bill cosby tattoo. Seth what about the guy who has a cosby and a jared and hes just like oh, man. I dont know. Seth he had weird things he liked beforehand too. Um, i heard that you used to just leave your door open at your apartment. You were a very good friend, you would let friends just crash there. Yeah i have friends. [ laughter ] i do surprisingly. Seth yeah, seriously. I have a couple and they come over. Like they work in a city but they live in Staten Island so or brooklyn so whenever they work in the city, i usually leave my door open, if they like need to take a nap or like [ bleep ] seth thats incredibly nice of you. Yeah until like you know, you dont know how youre going to feel every day, so sometimes you go home and you just want to be alone and then you see Three Friends on the couch and theyre like, whats up and im like, hey. So now i started locking my door. Seth okay, there you go. Did you at least tell them so they dont get all the way to the apartment . No, i kind of want them to figure it out for themselves. [ laughter ] seth its a life lesson for them. That way they learn. Seth so i thought i know you also got your girlfriends name tattooed. Yep. Seth there you go. So fingers crossed on her. Absolutely. Right yeah. Seth but she is lovely. I know her as well. And you she is larry davids daughter. Yes. Seth you met her because he was doing didnt know someone like old me could pull that, huh . [ laughter ] thats right. Staten island trash, baby. Thats right. Seth you used to say in high school, im going to date the daughter of the guy who created seinfeld. [ laughter ] yes, those exact words. Seth but you met her because he was doing Bernie Sanders and hosting is he excited . Is he happy that . Well, id say its not like we were best buds and then i was like, whats up with your daughter . [ laughter ] shes 22, im 22, we met shes supposed to be dating someone my age, right . Seth right. It would be weird if she was dating jason alexander. That would be very creepy. Seth yeah, this is perfectly appropriate. Well, im glad to hear you guys are still together. Shes a lovely girl. Shes the best, i love her so much. Seth youre a lovely guy. Congratulations so much on the special, i cant wait to see it and its always a delight. Give it up for Pete Davidson, everybody. Thank you everybody. Seth smd which is his father. Smd, your father. Its my dad seth october 29th on Comedy Central, well be right back with music from lucius. [ cheers and applause ] i will follow you, ever since you touched my hand i knew i love you, i love you, i love you. Where you go ill follow, ill follow, ill follow. Youll always be my true love, my true love, my true love, forever electricaonly a few. E at the heart of every hybrid. Truly move us. With over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. Olive gardens never endingver pasta bowl, starting at 9. 99 endless combinations of your favorite pastas, sauces and toppings. And for the first time ever, chicken alfredo. 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Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. [ cheers and applause ] seth tomorrow night, my next guest kicks off a National Tour in buffalo, new york to support their latest album, good grief. Performing gone insane, please welcome to the show, lucius. [ cheers and applause ] m my stomachs turning my head is in my hands dont know where this ends my fists are clenched and im so angry with you you say that im the one whos gone insane oh ill just be the one whos gone insane my hearts so heavy im gonna need your help losing my grip while holding Everything Else my fists are clenched and im so angry with myself the time we share is in the suffering were all alone in this togetherness go on call me the one whos gone insane oh i will be the one whos gone insane go on call me the one whos gone insane oh i will be the one whos gone insane my visions cloudy cant seem to find my way around the whats been said youre throwing words like darts at my head ive been your target many times before i dont even feel them anymore you cant call me the one whos gone insane cause we know youre the one whos gone insane go on call me the one whos gone insane oh i will be the one whos gone insane im not the only one to blame no im not the only one to blame no im not the only one to blame just keep calling me insane i dont want to be the one be the one whos insane im not the only one im not the only one just keep on calling me insane i dont want to be the one be the one whos insane im not the only one whos insane keep on calling i dont want to be the one be the one whos insane im not the only one whos insane im not the only one whoa i dont want to be the one be the one whos insane im not the only one whos insane im not the only one whoa whoa i dont want to be the one be the one whos insane im not the only whos insane im not the only whos insane im not the only one just keep on calling me insane keep on calling me insane keep on calling me insane im the one whos gone insane oh i must be the one whos gone insane lord call me the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane oh i cant be the one whos gone insane [ cheers and applause ] seth lucius, folks the album, good grief, is out now well be right back [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to Antonio Brown, Graydon Carter, Pete Davidson, lucius everybody [ cheers and applause ] Allison Miller and, of course, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson good evening, and welcome to last call. Im carson daly, and we have a fine show heading your way, including a spotlight on graves star skylar astin, the