Transcripts For KNTV Late 20240706

Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. We hope youre doing well. And now if you dont mind, were going to get to the news today is valentines day, so if youre watching right now, better luck next year. [ laughter ] according to the latest numbers, the average american is expected to spend 200 this year on valentines day, or 400 if you made her breakfast in bed. [ light laughter ] eggs are super expensive right now, guys. Thats a joke about eggflation. [ light laughter ] thats what baze calls it. In a video today announcing shes running for president , former u. N. Ambassador nikki haley said, quote, i dont put up with bullies. And when you kick back, it hurts them more if youre wearing heels. Whoa, what job does she think this is . [ laughter ] does she want to be president or teach krav maga . When i fight for the middle class, ill hold my keys so they stick out between my fingers she does make an interesting point, though. If she wins, shed be the first president to wear heels since the last president [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause a lawyer for President Trump said recently that trump was using a manila folder marked classified to block a small light on a landline phone next to his bed even weirder all the ones that he taped up to use in place of curtains. [ laughter ] Buckingham Palace yesterday announced that Queen Camilla tested positive for coronavirus. Luckily, as a royal, she was already planning on doing nothing for the next few weeks [ laughter ] the maker of the robot vacuum cleaner roomba announced yesterday that the company would lay off roughly 7 of its workforce. And since it was roomba, it took everyone 45 minutes to find the door [ light laughter ] and finally, according to a new analysis by yelp, the most romantic restaurant in wisconsin is grandpas pizza that story again the only restaurant in wisconsin is grandpas pizza [ laughter ] we got a great show for you tonight. That was the monologue [ cheers and applause were very excited weve got one of our favorites the star of the highlyanticipated marvel movie antman and the wasp quantumania. Paul rudd is here, everybody [ cheers and applause by the way, shoemaker over there shoemaker, our producer, shoemaker, so excited about antman. Keeps bragging that he got tickets for thursday night from fandango dude, anyone can use fandango. Thats not youre not a media elite. [ light laughter ] and after paul rudd, we have the return of a segment that is very polarizing for our viewers its called popsicle schtick. And some people love it, and some people like my dad think its a crime, against [ light laughter ] both comedy and humanity and the punishment for the crime is that he will call me tomorrow and tell me in great detail why he hates it. [ light laughter ] and you might be wondering why im doing it anyway. Maybe im trying to work some stuff out with him [ laughter ] so i hope you all enjoy popsicle schtick, and remember that ill be paying for it tomorrow but before we get to all that, i was at a freemasons meeting recently, and our [ light laughter ] and our grand chancellor was giving a sermon on the secret history of migrating tree frogs and [ sniffing ] excuse me. I could be sorry i could be sorry i am sorry [ laughter ] i could be i am i think i smell some smoke, and that can only mean one thing its time for ya burnt. [ cheers and applause seth welcome to the burn zone weve got a lot of topics to sizzle through and not a lot of time over here is the burner. Lets turn on the gas and load her up whoo Beverly Hills chihuahua. First up, buffalo wings. Ah, buffalo wings. The only thing representing buffalo at the super bowl since 1994 [ laughter ] [ audience oohs hey, buffalo wings, thanks for making my coffee table look like an Elephant Graveyard by halftime the only bigger pile of bones youll see during a Football Game is jerry jones. Side burn, jerry jones announcer side burn. Seth buffalo wings i cant think of a better snack to put out for guest who have been drinking since 8 00 a. M than the worlds messiest food i hope you dont have white furniture. Also, i hope you dont have white furniture in general its tacky youre not scarface. Announcer say hello to my little stain seth and hey, buffalo wings, appreciate the side of stringy, tasteless celery, but i can just drink the ranch dressing straight [ laughter ] buffalo wings, you must be the roof of my mouth, cause ya burnt nepo babies, the mediumtalent children of celebrities who are crossing the border between Beverly Hills and West Hollywood to steal all our jobs. Sorry to inform you, but getting ahead in america isnt supposed to be based on who your parents were just ask president john adams son, president john quincy adams. [ light laughter ] also, nepo babies, youre exhausting me. My entire day is spent tiptoeing around interns because i just know one of their dads is the mgm lion [ laughter ] hey, nepo babies, your parents are hot. But you, ya burnt. Singleply toilet paper. Listen, im a bit of a risk taker, but some risks just aint worth it [ laughter ] no way im going into an active crime scene without backup [ laughter ] even the plot of avatar isnt this thin. [ audience oohs and please just say on the package how many times i need to fold you i dont Love Learning origami middump [ laughter ] also, singleply toilet paper, why are you exclusively in restaurants where we need multiply toilet paper the most . [ laughter ] if even one item on your menu has those three little chili pepper icons next to it, you better have triplequilted charmin in every stall singleply toilet paper, youre the worst roll since the one i played in journey t to the cenr of the earth. Side burn, me. Announcer meyers burn. Seth singleply toilet paper, someone must have lit a match in the bathroom because ya burnt. Sports drinks. Hey, sports drinks, youre not science. No one even heard of electrolytes until your commercials told us we needed them [ light laughter ] stop pretending youre what i need after an intense gym sesh if your ads were honest, they wouldnt show workout warriors theyd show someone with a debilitating hangover in a fetal position holding a bacon, egg, and cheese and im sorry, what was the problem with water when it came to hydration im sorry it doesnt have a flashy name like tidal blast or dickhead grape [ laughter ] that said, vitamin water, you aint water. Youre just koolaid for grownups. Hey, sports drinks, looks like youre all good on vitamin d because ya burnt the guy who lost to George Santos. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] i have so many questions first off, how how . Seriously, what the [ bleep was going on over at your campaign, man . Who was your head of Opposition Research George Santos . [ laughter ] were you even trying to win, or were you tanking for draft picks . Forget George Santos youre the one who should be investigated by congress [ light laughter ] what did you even do with all the money people donated to you . Make signs that said dont vote for George Santos, and the dont fell off look, on one hand its hard to beat a former volleyball star, broadway producer, and black jewish american. On the other hand, he wasnt guy who lost to George Santos, im not even bothering to learn your last name, and ive learned, like, 12 of George Santos names hey, guy who lost to George Santos, id say ya burnt, but i dont think you can be burnt any more than losing to George Santos. Yeesh. That one machine at the gym. Yeah, that one hey, that one machine at the gym, youre like dj khaled youre everywhere, and i have no idea what you do [ laughter ] side burn, dj khaled announcer another burn seth youre with all the cardio stuff, but i also saw someone lift you the other day, so im hella confused. I actually drank a sports drink while looking at you because i didnt know what else to [ bleep ] do also, why does my gym have five of you ive never seen more than one at use. The rest of you are just standing around with nothing to do like the other guys in maroon 5. [ audience oohs hey, that one machine at the gym, [ bleep ] you, ya burnt popes. Looks like benedicts been quietly transferred to that big parish in the sky. Wow, another pope has passed how can we stop this epidemic . I dont know maybe this is a crazy idea, but has anyone tried hiring someone younger than god himself [ laughter ] if you want your popes to stick around a bit longer, why not hire the 27yearold nepo baby son of another pope . Announcer news flash they exist seth and by the way, when you hire a new pope, just announce it in a tweet instead of belching out pollution. Is this the vatican or exit 12 of the new jersey turnpike [ laughter ] hey, popes, go [ bleep ] in the woods. Ya burnt flowers, the gift that says i dont know what you like, but also i dont care. Theres truly no greater metaphor for romance than something that starts out beautiful, then very quickly dies and why is it considered romantic to put rose petals on her bed . Its like saying, honey, guess what you get to clean up later. [ laughter ] besides, everyone knows that valentines day is just a lobbying scheme by big romcoms so that florists can make enough money to believably live in new york city and fall in love with the bookshop owner across the street announcer his name is henry, and we accidentally bumped into each other on jane street. And the klutz that i am, i spilled my groceries all over the ground, and he helped me pick them up and when he handed me a cantaloupe, his finger brushed mine and, oh, god, seth i i told myself i wasnt going to do this again i wasnt going to let myself need someone [ laughter ] and besides, hes moving to jersey to try to make things work with his cheating ex, and his plane leaves in one hour [ laughter ] seth hey lis [ flame roaring [ laughter ] hey, listen. [ applause ] i know im just your best friend your dorky, hot best friend, and im usually, well, wrong about everything but i have to ask. Do you love him . Announcer oh, god. I do i really do. [ flame roaring seth h then go to him. Announcer yeah [ flame roaring [ laughter ] seth yes, and hurry. Announcer okay okay im going to do it oh, wait but my hondas in the shop [ flame roaring seth take mine [ laughter ] go, get out of here. Go get the love of your live and maybe, just maybe, one day [ sighing ill find mine [ laughter ] announcer youre married, right . [ flame roaring seth yeah. Announcer cool, cool well, wish me luck [ flame roaring [ tires squealing [ laughter and applause seth flowers, ya burnt sweaters thank you, sweaters, for making the ten pounds i put on during the pandemic look like an easy 30 congrats whens the baby due . Oh, no baby. Its just a chunky knit. Also, thanks to static electricity, wearing a sweater comes with the awesome bonus of turning every doorknob into a stun gun but, hey, at least i can be cozy for the ten minutes every day when im outdoors and miserably hot and itchy for the remaining hours. And cardigans, dont think i dont see you. Excuse me. Are you a professor . No just a regular old virgin. Announcer henry wears cardigans, and i can officially confirm hes no virgin [ flame roaring [ coughing ] [ laughter ] seth sounds like somebody made it to the airport on time [ buzzer ] oh, no, that buzzer means were out of time. This has been ya burnt. Well be right back with paul rudd. [ cheers and applause moderate t to severe e eca still didisrupts my y skin. Moderate t to severe e eca despite trtreatment moderate t to severe e eca itit disrupts s my skin wiwith. Moderate t to severe e eca it disruptpts my skin n with ra. But nonow, i can d disrupt ecza withth rinvoq. But nonow, i can d disrupt ecza rinvoq is s not a stereroid, topical,l, or injectction. Itits one pilill, once a a. Manyny taking ririnvoq saw cleaear or almostclear skin while some saw up to 100 clear skin. Or almostclear skin and, they felt dramatic and fast itctch relief or almostclear skin some as eaearly as 2 d days. Thats r rinvoq relilief. 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Reliable 5g network. seth and its only 35 a line. cecilily not t that youre braggggin. vo with verizon unlimited for 35 a line, your famamily now gegets disne, hululu, and espnpn . All threree includeded. Verizon if you understand sneakers, you start to understand squeaking, which leads to hardwood, and the art of kareems famous sky hook. So you get how flying works, carbon, and our constantly changing world. Which takes you to human evolution, which was shaped by chewing. And if you understand the appeal of gum, and you realize how much of it is on our streets, you understand why some people never wear their favorite sneakers. Dove 0 is different. We left aluminum out and put unbeatable 48 hours freshness and 1 quarter r moisturizers. In. Dodove 0 aluminum deodorant. Instantly dry feel and kind on skin. [oven diding] we make sisitdown chihic. Standdup chickenen. Backckyard chickcken. Oooops chickenen. And alallsmiles c chicken. If t theres onene thing we e , backckyard chickcken. Oooops chickenen. Its chickcken, chicken n and chickeken. Morere choices. Momore wow. Momore to loveve. Its chickcken, chicken n and chickeken. Whoa. Okokay. Easy doeoes it. We switchehed to libererty mul and sasaved 652. They c customize your car i insurance, soso you only y pay for whatat you need. D. With the money we saved, we thoughtht wed try electrtric unicyclcles. Whwhoa cacareful, bababe saving w was definititely eas. Hehey babe, i i think i gogot saving w was definititely eas. Its a actually. Whooooa ok, shshowoff hehelp oh only pay for w what you nenee. Liberty. Libeberty. Liberty. Y. Liberty. [ cheers and applause seth give it up for the fantastic 8g band right over there, everybody [ cheers and applause back with us tonight on drums, shes a new yorkbased singer songwriter who most recently performed with Bruce Springsteen in support of his latest album only the strong survive. Check out the debut album singles club from her solo project hushpuppy, which is available now. For more information, go to zoebrecher. Com zoe brecher is here. [ cheers and applause thanks for being with us, zoe. Our first guest tonight is a very funny actor you know from movies like this is 40, anchorman, and clueless. He returns to the marvel cinematic universe in antman and the wasp quantumania, which premieres in theaters and imax february 17th. Please welcome back to the show, our very good friend, paul rudd, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, my friend thanks, seth. Thank you, seth. Seth im so happy to see you. Its great to see you seth you are riding high for a lot of reasons one, the movie coming out. More importantly, for a guy like me, your kansas city chiefs, super bowl champions yeah. Seth congratulations thank you very much seth you got to be at the game i went. Seth fantastic oh, my gosh what a what a whirlwind that experience is and its just thrilling, you know, when your team wins. Especially ive been a fan for a long, long time. So this is kind of a new experience seth and you had your son, jack, with you yeah. Seth and that must make it extra special. Because, again, this is something that you he would not be a football fan if it wasnt or he wouldnt be a chiefs fan if it wasnt for you. Right, because i guess he started kind of rooting for them when he was about 6 or so. Seth yeah. Hes 18 now, and its true. Like, the best thing is to be able to kind of share this with your kid so, yeah it was, it was just it was awesome seth so they won in 2020 when they won that was, you know, a big deal for i mean, again, you as well as jack, but it must have been such a cool moment to share as a father and a son. It was. That whole run really was just massive, and it started this whole thing. And it was such a nice feeling because, you know, in that year, in the first playoff game, the chiefs were down by 24 points against the texans and it really was the first time i did kind of have this, why do i do this . [ light laughter ] my son was so despondent he was so sad, just kind of Walking Around went into another room seth yeah. And i really had kind of that by myself. I was really upset and mad because this is not this is not worth it seth yeah. This is not worth putting yourself through this kind of despair. I feel like i know all eagles fans are feeling this right now. I know all fans of another teams are feeling this right now seth but i feel like so this is a thing that happened to me that you did to jack, right which is, jacks also never lived in kansas city no. Never in his life, and hes a die hard chiefs fan. Seth and im the same way. Like im a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan because of my dad. He fully just did it to me yeah. Seth i remember the same thing in my teens when things were going bad for the steelers. Yeah. Seth id be so upset, and my dad would say, look, its not that important. Im like, you taught me to care its the truth. Its like why do we do this to them seth i wonder, how does your wife feel about it because thats the other thing, is my wife, who has watched me go through the roller coaster has basically said, like, i dont know if im cool with like two more of these in the house. [ light laughter ] it might be three my daughter is really young, and she watched the game, and she wrote chiefs kingdom in pen on her arms seth uhhuh. And she was she loves she goes, i want a Kadarius Toney jersey. Seth wow and shes young, but she is also really into it. I know why we brought this into the house, its like adopting a dog that and seth like a super old dog. A super old dog [ light laughter ] its just like youre just bringing were inviting in disappointment [ light laughter ] seth we want a puppy well, i got good news and mostly bad news [ light laughter ] yeah. Yeah this is not [ light laughter ] the time that were going to have with him is going to be very special seth yeah. But its going to be seth very, very short. [ light laughter ] yeah. Seth all right so i want to ask you about something. Right around christmas, we do this thing called day drinking on the show. And i was doing it with lizzo and your name came up. I saw it. Seth yeah and again, it must have been very exciting because lizzo, let me tell you, one of the most charming human beings. I dont know if youve been lucky enough to meet her ive never met her. I watched i mean i watched when it was on the show. And when i heard lizzo say my name, i was like [ exclaims ] [ laughter ] i got all excited. And its by the way, its a weird thing when youre not expecting to hear that seth yeah. And then you hear it. And that segment was hilarious by the way that whole every time you do it, its so funny. Seth she really did sort of raise the bar. I keep telling people shes so deeply funny even while, like, inebriated oh. Seth she, like, talks like a comedy writer. So funny, so charming it was yeah, it was, it was great. Seth she also ive told this a few times but the great thing to bring it back to my dad, you know one of her catch phrases is bye, bitch. Right [ laughter ] seth and we left a message we left a voicemail for my dad and she said she ended it by saying bye, bitch. Yeah. [ light laughter ] seth then independent of me, she got my dads information and sent him flowers with a note that said im sorry i called you a bitch. [ laughter ] and my brother and i call him a bitch all the time weve never apologized [ laughter ] you owe him a lot of flowers. Seth yeah, we owe him a lot of flowers that is seth you made us root for the steelers, you bitch. [ laughter ] so anyway. But the reason your name came up is one of our writers walked out. And he was wearing a mask. And lizzo and, again, shed had a few drinks right seth she thought it was paul rudd. She thought it was you so the writers here, today. But first, i want to show the first half of the clip and then were going to bring out the writer, seth reiss so herees lizzo nonoticing our writiter the firirst time. Oh, imm calm now. W. Seteth all rigight lets s bring him m over paul [ [ bleep ] rurudd paulul rudd seth heyey, lizzo, i i kn real reasoson youre b breakingp with m me is that t you met fafs hollywood actor paul rudd. Who is now going to take his mask off and i want you to react to it in real time. [ bleep ] seth all right [ laughter ] so now were going to bring out the writer and were going to let you guys decide was lizzo crazy [ scattered applause ] [ laughter ] all right, you know what not [ applause ] not not as bad as i thought i owe an apology to lizzo. But now, this is the really exciting part, guys. Because again, i think youre agreeing with lizzo. This is not too far afield until you see the rest of the face [ light laughter ] cause a lot of other stuff can happen [ light laughter ] this s better not be this this better be oh, [ blbleep ]. [ laughterer ] seth youou didnt eveven. [ laugughter ] i need a a tissue i need a tissue, please [ laughter ] thats the thing you dont look anything like [ bleep ] paul rudd. Seth there we go [ cheers and applause lets see both faces there we go. [ cheers and applause paul and seth reiss, brothers from another mother. [ cheers and applause its like looking in a mirror thank you so much its like looking in a mirror seth look at these two two snowflakes can be alike. [ laughter ] well be right back with more from paul rudd, everybody. [ cheers and applause mpmpetitive brbrother. Check. Psych and im ababout to steal thisis game fromom you just likike i stole e kelly cr in h high schoolol. You u got no gamame dude, thatats a foul l and now w youre reaeady to settle e the score. E. Gagame over. 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Y yeah, i nototiced you okay yeses look,k, momentum,m, right jumpmp, tap. Right . T . One momove jumpmp, tap. I i know how w to do it, d. Oh,h, do you . Y yes r really . Because itit didnt lolook liket fromom my end. I m messed up o on the timimg j jump. Likeke that. You u see what i i did you see whwhat i did n no. Youre like this small i jumped and tapped seth welcome back to late night. Were here with paul rudd. [ cheers and applause that was a clip from antman and the wasp quantumania, a very anticipated film. I dont know if this is true or not somehow i heard word that shoemaker was somehow able to get tickets. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] on thursday night seth yeah. Who does he know . Seth yeah. [ laughter ] hes been Walking Around i guess he knows this jeff fandango guy. [ laughter ] he must be high up. Seth hollywood bigwig. Hes high up the marvel chain. Thats impressive seth this is really fun. Third movie. Third one seth third one of the antman. This was a really fun dynamic of teenage daughter, which you have now. Mmhmm. Yep. Seth how have you found being a parent of a teenage daughter are you are you enjoying that journey . I know its the front end of being a teenager its great. Seth yeah. You know, my daughter is shes just now starting to approach that, and im a little nervous. You know, people always say, oh, you know, teenage daughters. Theres a few years there where it can be a little challenging and it hasnt been yet seth she hasnt turned on you yet . Talk to me interview me in antman 4. [ laughter ] seth yeah, okay, gotcha. Not there is one by the way seth yeah, yeah. It just seemed like that was the right joke to say for the seth yeah. But now everybody at marvel right now is pulling their hair out. Yeah, thats right. [ laughter ] seth we told him not to even joke about it but on antman 7, im going to say, shes the best [ laughter ] shes so accepting, and she became a real friend seth yeah. [ laughter ] and open and seth and then on antman 10, were going to be like, and now she has a daughter. [ laughter ] i know. Its so crazy. Its so nuts you know, being a grandfather is really Something Special a little harder to get into the suit, but were managing seth there you go. [ laughter ] now, i know and weve talked about this before. First of all, its always so great to have you here oftentimes i sort of am lucky enough to have you, but its the end of your press tour and i get it youre sort of exhausted about talking about this movie theres probably no more anecdotes from the set to share. Its a tricky thing, you know yeah, you do this. You want to like, oh, whats been going on . Are there any funny stories or anything . And you get a little kind of tired and seth yeah. And theres only so seth right it wasnt like every day there were hijinks the well gets dry seth yeah. Yeah. [ laughter ] seth so as a favor to you, i would like you to tell us a story about something that didnt happen. Okay. [ light laughter ] seth just to give you a break, right an anecdote, something that, like, just didnt happen to me seth yeah. Do you want me to just sort of make up the top of it for you . Yeah. Seth okay. Great. Sure. Seth so i heard you were skiing this is my favorite kind of water by the way seth yeah. [ light laughter ] well, its a we had a regular size, but then we heard you wanted to tie it in to antman. [ laughter ] thats right. [ applause ] youre the best, man you are the best seth i will do tieins hold on im going to chug it [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] all right. Seth so you dont mind i can say no, no, no, whatever you want seth im going to say the kind of story that i would like you to be coming here to tell. Okay. Seth so i heard you were skiing in switzerland, and you were on one of those gondolas. Yeah. Seth and it stopped halfway up, and you were stuck on it with 11 strangers for 24 hours it was the craziest thing seth yeah. Also, you know, it was the first time id ever been there seth yeah. Im nervous about heights anyway seth sure. The few times that i had taken the ski thing, it was the twoseater, you know, like the standard seth yeah. I hate it but the great thing about being in switzerland and the alps, they have the gondolas seth yeah. Nice and warm. Protected from the elements. Warm, protected the thing is, is when you are in there with all of those people and it stops, theyre from different parts of the world i was the only one that spoke english. Seth oh, god [ light laughter ] and yeah [ laughter ] and its like the power goes out. Everything, it shut down and there was no way that we were going to get down and i was really panicked. So i started asking people, what do you do . What can i do . And no one seth right no one could talk to me seth did you feel like any of them even recognized you as sort of you know, because, again, your movies are internationally known. Did you feel like any recognition . No, not at all. [ laughter ] seth okay. There was one person. Seth okay. One person who did recognize me seth okay. But they were ultimately disappointed because they actually pegged me for being a writer on your show. Seth oh, right [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause all the way around. All the way around seth right oh, wow. See, that was a great story. That was see . It got a little slow in the middle seth but i think when you can pay it off like that oh, its just really seth dont be hard when you get worried about not having stories on talk shows, just ask for the old setup. Yeah, and thats just it. You throw anything im its a much better way to go did i tell you about the time i was scuba diving in cozumel . Seth and so just real quick before you tell me, it happened, or it didnt happen . Didnt happen seth tell me well, apparently, im like new to scuba diving. Seth okay. Youre not supposed to fly the next day seth oh, gotcha. Also, when you go below 60 feet or so, you have to kind of decompress for three minutes. You get something called, i think, nitrogen narcosis seth yeah. Something like that then if you fly the next day, you can get the bends. You can die. Seth okay. I came this close [ laughter ] to getting an early flight out of cozumel seth wow okay and you think you fullon would have died if you got on it i know i would have died. Seth wow [ laughter ] talk about a dodged bullet oh, my god. And it was only because the flight we were there, and there was an issue with the plane. So i had to wait a whole day it was mexico. Theres not a lot of flights seth yeah. So i had to wait. Seth and now, is it true that you actually made a big scene about the fact there was a problem with the plane you were like, do you know who i am . Like, you were really difficult. Thats exactly right. [ laughter ] seth and in reality, though, you didnt realize at the time your life was being saved . Had no clue seth wow none whatsoever but i had to get back. I knew i had to get back you know why seth why it was the championship game, chiefs versus bengals. Seth oh, my god. And im like, i cant be late to this my son will never forgive me seth right but meanwhile, hes lucky you did because otherwise hed be at the super bowl alone because his dad dead in the air [ laughter ] yeah. Seth what a crazy story. See, so all things worked out the way theyre supposed to work out. Seth yeah. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, the diving was phenomenal seth oh, great [ laughter ] real quick, three favorite things you saw under water [ laughter ] my three favorite things i saw under water . Seth yeah. I know youre 60 feet or more at this point, but what are the three favorite things you saw . Parrot fish seth okay. [ laughter ] i saw an eel, which by the way, you think, oh, theyre very hard to see. But i was able i was over some a bit of a reef, and i did get to see a moray eel seth okay. Theyre hard to see because they move so fast, or they just dont like you to no, no, theyre ver like, they dont like to be seen seth okay. Gotcha [ light laughter ] and then seth all right so parrot fish, moray eel. Parrot fish, moray eel, and then just a body i dont know [ laughter ] it was just like a bloating i dont know what happened i dont know who it i didnt follow up on it. Seth now, thats interesting. Did you tell were you sort of like, you know what . I was too freaked out i didnt say a word. I was like, oh, my god. Theres just a dead body. Seth yeah, wow maybe it went deeper than 60 feet. Didnt take the time seth didnt take the class they were like, everybody has to take the class before they go diving. That guy was like, im fine. Im fine. I got it you can breathe. I get it ill use this. [ laughter ] ill go up ill be able to breathe again. Nitrogen narcosis knocked him out. Seth wow yeah. Seth what a cool i mean, again, obviously not a story you can tell, but pretty cool paul rudd was who found him. Hell never know. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] thank you so much for sharing these things that never happened ive never talked about this before seth its wonderful. You guys, thats paul rudd [ cheers and applause theres nobody better. Antman and the wasp quantumania premieres in theaters and imax february 17th. Well be right back with popsicle schtick. I love popsicle schtick [ cheers and applause i think we got it. Yyeah, letss focus on n t. Rv . V . Okay, everybody,y, look a at the rv a and smil. Thisis is what y you want for yourur family poportrai . Okay, everybody,y, look a at the rv a and smil. Gogood point. We bundleded tt wiwith our homome and autoto. Okay, everybody,y, look a at the rv a and smil. Hhey, team, get on in n. Team . M . Oh. Fun. Now evereryone say 24 7 final protectition with prprogres 24 7 fininancial prorotectin with prorogressive okay. Letts get someme singles of m me on the b bike. Honey. Okay. Letts get someme singles yeahah. [ leleaf blower r whirring ] dove 0 is different. We left aluminum out and put unbeatable 48 hours freshness and 1 quarter r moisturizers. In. Dodove 0 aluminum deodorant. Instantly dry feel and kind on skin. [ [ upbeat mususic ] dodov do y your thing g nt. I said do o your thingng just d do your thihing snsnack succesess made easa. Thats t totally tararget. Your recorord label is takining off. But so is s your soundnd engin. You needed to hire. I needed indeed. Inindeed you d do. Indeed insnstant matchch instay delilivers qualility candidads matchingng your job b descript. 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Alwlways in thahat state e of mind living onon a high vivibrati so hohot gonna mamake it mel and im l lovin what im t tastin nos gususta mezclarar comomo malteadada aqui hay y lugar y yeah we livivin inin the goldeden state thousands s of women w wih memetastatic b breast cancr arare living i in the momt anand taking i ibrance. Ibrance e with an aromatasase inhibitotor is for adudults with h hr he metastaticic breast cacancer as the firirst hormonanal basesed therapy. Y. Ibrance e plus letrorozole signgnificantly y delayed diseasase progressssion versrsus letrozozole. Ibrance mamay cause lolow whitite blood cecell counts that m may lead to serioious infectitions. Ibrarance may cacause severe inflamammation of f the lung. Both o of these can leadad to death. H. Tell your r doctor if f you he new or w worsening c chest pa, cocough, or trtrouble breaeat. Before takaking ibrancnce, tell your r doctor if you havave fever, chchills, or o other signss of infnfection, liliver or kididney problele, arare or plan n to become preregnant, or are brereastfeedingng. For morere informatition abouout side effffects, talk to yoyour doctor. R. Be in yoyour moment. T. Ask yourur doctor ababout ibran, a pfizerer product. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Its time once again for popsicle schtick. [ cheers and applause seth for those of you who dont know, this is a bit where my writers pitched it. They said, well come up with bad jokes, and then we will try to save those bad jokes with what they called kickass graphics. [ light laughter ] so the last time we did popsicle schtick was december of 2020. [ light laughter ] so thats for our more popular segments, we dont historically take that big a gap. [ laughter ] but one of the things about popsicle schtick is its super very timeintensive because the Graphics Department actually has to work, as youll see, very hard on jokes to save jokes that the writers have spent very little time on [ laughter ] its not equitable what happens here and so its taken them, you know, over two years to finally pull this together [ light laughter ] you know, a large chunk of our budget has gone towards this and [ light laughter ] itd just be a real shame if you didnt like it [ laughter ] i should note as well, ill be finding out about the graphics in realtime with you. I dont watch these in advance so now i just find out with you. I i feel like this is coming off like im not super excited about this i really [ laughter ] here we go [ light laughter ] joke one where does donald trump store his yacht . On a classified dock popsicle schtick [ laughter ] seth and were off [ laughter ] you guys thinking what im thinking how are they going to top that [ laughter ] next up, what do you call a primate with no parents . Monkey brewster. [ light laughter ] [ plane flying overhead [ applause ] [ plane flying overhead [ laughter ] so i guess that means that december 2020, that popsicle schtick ends, and they go, i think we should aim for valentines day [ laughter ] 23. [ light laughter ] next up, why did the old witch in the woods get removed from grimms fairy tales . Hansel culture [ laughter ] just take those old records off the schtic ill sit and listen to the by my schtick todays music aint got the same schtick i like that oldtime roc and schtick [ light laughter ] [ applause ] seth next up, whos the cheapest artist to see in concert . Taylor thrift. [ light laughter ] [ footsteps marching ] after the coronavirus outbreak, the president is calling criticism of his response a hoax. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ applause ] this was yet another weekend in our manic, headspinning political era where [ distorted speech ] [ laughter ] [ eerie music on february 14th, 2023, late night with seth meyers introduced a new popsicle schtick. And, yeah, it slapped. Apple commercial parody popsicle schtick [ light laughter ] [ applause ] seth that was a that was a parody of is it 1984 . Was that when that apple commercial came out . Thats cool. [ laughter ] because i feel like you can parody movies that came out in 1984 because, you know, people can still watch them theyre on dvd or cable. But like, its harder to parody a commercial from that time because, you know, if you werent alive then [ light laughter ] you just wont see it, like, now. [ light laughter ] but otherwise, you know, good. [ laughter ] where did we put the stuff for smithsonian to get [ laughter ] and finally, what do you call a guy who comes down your chimney and lies to your face . Santos claus [ laughter ] [ audience oohs all right, all right. Young schticks, what can i get you today . Popsicles ha, ha, ha. I think i might have something here for you who can save a punchlin destined for the trash dress it up with graphics that will kick you in your ass the schticky ma the schticky man can who can stop this ladde its going way too fas the g force is too much an i dont think i can last the schticky man no, the schticky man needs help the schticky man can oh, for [ bleep ] sake, help please help me oh god, help la la la la la la oh god. Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, aahh whee whee i never thought this show could be anything bu soliloquy bout politics and history and all types of useless trash but ive got golden schticket ive got a golden schticket ive got a halfbaked segment to melt your brain oh, nice flip and if theres golden schticket it must b a slow news day [ scattered applause ] [ light laughter ] yay oh yay oh whoa [ punches landing okay. Come on in welcome to my factory. Everything in this room is edible really . Yes [ chewing popsicle schtic doom pa dee dask there is one question many have asked popsicle schtic doom pa dee dube why is this sketch never on youtube when you ignore all the copyright laws using a song for a coupl ha has theyll track you dow using all of their tools what did you think tha they were fools yes we kind o though they were popsicle schtic doom pa de doo it is time for this bi to conclude we hope you all find what you seek because this schtick wil be gone in a week gone in a week all right, freaks lets get weird. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha yes. Ha, ha, ha, ha [ intense electronic music ] whats happening . This schtick is kicking in. Why is this schtick neverending will it always keep extending . The audience is all lamenting. Yes into madness we are descending is is it over . I mean, i doubt it. Highway to the danger zon ride into the danger zone [ cheers and applause seth i dont host this show. [ laughter ] just a guy [ laughter ] this has been popsicle schtick. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause if you understand sneakers, you start to understand squeaking, which leads to hardwood, and the art of kareems famous sky hook. So you get how flying works, carbon, and our constantly changing world. Which takes you to human evolution, which was shaped by chewing. And if you understand the appeal of gum, and you realize how much of it is on our streets, you understand why some people never wear their favorite sneakers. Share yourur love of t the e wiwith a surprprise move share yourur love of t the e kinder j joy. A yummy trtreat anand an all s star lineuuf nbnba mascot t toys for r your favororite fan. Anand an all s star lineuuf nbnba mascot t toys kinderer joy. When you d dare to traranm your h hair you need t the strengtgth to make itit happen. 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Com and for more late night, follow us on instagram, twitter, and tiktok latenightseth. Be sure to check us out on youtube, facebook, and over at latenightseth. Com. Subscribe to the late night podcast, featuring a closer look and more available on apple, spotify, google, or wherever you listenen to podcasts. [ cheers and applause seth i want to thank my guest, paul rudd i want to thank zoe brecher and the 8g band. Stay safe, get vaccinated, get boosted. We love you, everybody [ cheers and applause