To be hosting anything other than a virus right now. Last night i hosted the emmys. And its weird [ cheers and applause ] weird to come back and do a regular show after doing a big thing like that. And nothing against you guys. But the audience last night was dressed much, much better. [ laughter ] there were no crocs. I didnt see anyones toes or anything. We went t night. Last night i went to bed, also at the time it happened to be babe ruths career batting average, 3 42 was the time i went to bed. There was a party after the show so we stayed at a hotel but it happened to be a work morning. I ask the for a wakeup call which is terrible, you have to find the phone, theres no snooze button. The phone rings, i pick it up. A chipper woman says, good morning, this is your wakeup call for 8 00. As im hanging up the phone im thinking, if it really is her pleasure to wake people up over and over again every day . Kind of a sick woman, right . [ laughter ] that said, if i was the person who made the wakeup calls at the hotel, id tape record every one of them. [ laughter ] guillermo, you might have to take over tonight. How late were you up last night . Guillermo 2 00 in the morning. Jimmy 2 00 in the morning. You left the party at what time . I no, i mean 2 something. Jimmy okay. Guillermo im still drunk. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have to get our own mugs by the way. I still have the view mug, i mean really. I wanted to do something to get the crowd warmed up before the show so i invited three of the kids from the show stranger sing. I figured id have them go onstage and sing to get things going. Somebody had to introduce them so i asked guillermo, go onstage, get everybody to quiet down, say here are the kids from Stranger Things doing the song uptown fuchk. This is behind the scenes video of how that went. How everybody, how you guys doing . Are you guys ready for the show . All right, guys. Keep it quiet. Stay in your seat, all right . Come on everybody. Get in your seat. Hi, how you doing . All right. Shh, keep it quiet, everybody. Please get in your seat, please. Okay. Shh, everybody. Please. Get in your seat, everybody. As soon as possible. The show is about to start. Please. Please, everybody. All right. All right, the show is about to the kids from the Stranger Things. Theyre going to sing, theyre going to perform for us the funk. Uptown funk. Lets watch and enjoy the show, kids [ cheers and applause ] jimmy he really knows how to clean up a room. Your wife came, did your wife have fun . Guillermo a lot of fun. Jimmy everybody had fun. It was much less stressful. This is my second time hosting the emmys. First time i was so nervous and excited, it went b last night i wore two condoms and it worked like a charm. [ laughter ] heres whats fun about the emmys. Last night i walked into this dinner after the show. The first thing i see is mr. Belding talking to charo. If you dont know who those people are, google them, you wont be disappointed. If youidnt watch the show, reliving the jonbenet case, the big winner was o. J. [ cheers and applause ] its weird for people to clap. The people versus o. J. Simpson took home nine emmy awards. Actor, supporting actor, writing, even the ford bronco won best midsized Sport Utility vehicle. [ cheers and applause ] game of thrones had a good night. Won best drama, set the record for most emmys won by a series ever, 38 emmys. A bunch of the actors from game of thrones came to our party last night. I have to admit i got a ltl on game of thrones, when they have a party, people have a tendency to die violently. Nobody died. The most fun moment of the emmys for me was, this was something ive been planning for a couple of weeks. We were in a commercial break. We came back from commercial. I thought it would be funny to say, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome fourtime Emmy Award Winner dr. Bill cosby. Just to see what would happen. Well, heres what happened. Announcer ladies and gentlemen, fourtime emmy award jimmy thats what i was thinking might happen. [ cheers and applause ] you know, these award shows are long. With traffic it can take i think it took an hour and a half for a lot of the people to get there, an hour to get in with the red carpet, the show is three hours long and theres no food. You dont eat for five or six hours. I had my mom make and jelly sandwiche for everyone, not as a joke, for sustenance, i knew people would be psyched. We give out the Peanut Butter and jelly. During the commercial break you hear an announcement that says, we are about to serve Peanut Butter sandwiches. If you have an allergy to peanuts please avoid the sandwiches. Right. If youre allergic to peanuts, do not have peanuts. I dont know, im all for safety first, but if you cant figure that out for yourself . You might have bigger problems everybody loved the sandwiches with one exception. You remember the naked supermodel who danced around in the blurred lines video . She apparently did not appreciate my mothers cooking. Do you want to try any of the Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches . I had one too many bites. You did . Jimmy how dare you attack my mothers okcog. Its called food, maybe y should try some sometime. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats unacceptable. Now im in a food feud with emily ratatouille or whatever her name is. Im currently in a number of feuds. Matt damon, who tried to ruin the show last night. Maggie smith, who is on the show downton abbey. She wins the emmy almost every year, she never shows up to get it. I called her out. I tolder if she wanted it id leave it in lost and found at the theater. She wrote, i was very astonished and pleased to win the award. I feel the emmys have been overly generous to me. If mr. Kimmel could please direct me to the lost and found office i will try to be on the next flight. Love old maggie, she wrote. Well, i guess we can send it to her. [ cheers and applause ] we have a couple of real live emmy winners here on the program tonight. From the great new show designated survivor, Kiefer Sutherland is here. [ cheers and applause ] from last night on hbo, john olive is with us. John won the emmy for best talk show last night. In a way john and i both won the emmy for best talk show last night. In another more specific way only john won the emmy. Well find out what john and keefer and everybody did, no detail will be held back, dont worry. The iphone 7 came out friday which is a big deal and not just here in the United States. In fact, there was quite a bit denmark too. [ applause ] jimmy well, more circumstance than pomp but you understand. I have some sad news to report. If youre hoping to pick up one of those olive garden neverending pasta passes, theyre all sold out. All 21,000 passes priced at 100 apiece sold out in one second ebay for as much as 4,500 each. You know, if you buy this, you really should be kicked off your Company Health care plan. [ laughter ] the deal, if you dont know, you can eat all the pasta you want for a period of seven weeks. If you dont last the full seven weeks theyll dump the remainder of the pasta into your coffin and seal you up. By the way, if olive garden really treated people like family, they wouldnt charge them for food at all. Thank you. Hey, donald trump is still running for president. Even after all the jokes last night, Donald Trumps still running. From time to time we like to slow donald down to half speed to really be able to savor his message. Weve done it again in tonights zika virus edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing very slowly ] i see a mosquito. Right now i dont like mosquitos too much. Get out of here, you mosquito. Jimmy back to the emmys. Because im very soeflabsorbed. We made a video that aired at start of the emmys involving actors from a number of nominated shows and also former republican candidate for president jeb bush made he was great, very high energy by the way. And of course when youre acting you dont always get it right on the first take. Here now are some of the many i hate to call them bloopers because i think dick clark owns that word. Here are the boners and booboos from last nights open at the 68th emmys. Were so pleased that youre hosting tonights academy awards. The emmys. The emmys, oh. Jimmy thats for the blooper reel. Let me out right here. Pull over. Okay us,. My button just popped. My stomach is out. [ bleep ]. Sorry. Hey, jimmy, im joking. Get out of this car. Youre supposed to leave. Arent you . Its jimmy kimmel. I think were about to make out. Huh . Got a smoke . Dont do it again oh this is when we die. Shave that what am i shaving . Shave that mug off your face shave that wig. Shave that wig off your face, you godless, shameless, stinking hippie . Wake me up before you gogo . I forgot to sing. . Want to hea . Yeah, yeah . I need to go to the hospital. Jeb exclamation point want to do it again . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, look at this. When we come back, guillermo has all the emmy winners so come back, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] . . Go paperless, dont stress, girl . Iscounts that you need . . Safe driver . . Accidentfree . . Everybody put your flaps in the air for me . . Go paperless, dont stress, girl . . I got the discounts that you need . . Safe driver . . Accidentfree . . Everybody put your flaps in the air for me . I cant lipsynch in these conditions. . Savings . . Oh, yeah . Unless someone got buried. To the fullbacks. Gearheads. And those with green thumbs. To the sticky. The stinky. Even those who get a little icky. To all the beautiful mess makers, keep it up. With delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. Well she loves to say, well, fantastic a lot. I study psychobiology. Im a fine arts major. Nobody really believes that i take notes this way, but they actually make sense to me. I try to balance my studying with the typical college experience. This windows pc is a life saver being able to pull up fferent articles to different parts of the screen is so convenient. In one door a member of congress. Out another a highpaid lobbyist. 131 former members of congress i consider it wrong. Thats why im fighting for a new law to permanently ban former members of congress from ever becoming lobbyists. Im Michael Bennet and i approve this message because congress should only work for you. . Jimmy still to come, kieferer sutherland, john olive, music from die antwoord. I hope you watched the emmys. Most of tvs big stars were on winners the way no one else does. Not face to face. Back to back. How are you . Im grat. Congratulations on your emmy. Thank you, thats so nice. Do you want to play a game . The real question. Just pull the red thing. Right there. Then you spin the wheel. Then you tell me where it landed and thats the question im going to ask you. Helmets. How many helmets do you have this. I have one i just bought a new helmet. Oh, okay. Are you wearing high heels . I am. Unfortunately, yes. Do your feet hurt . Do i fit who . Your feet. My feet hurt, yeah. Let me see your shoes. Oh my god. I have something for you. Oh, yes, thank you. In my size as well. Mens 8. Womens 10, perfect. I cant wait to put them on currently right now. Voices. I do. Yeah, can you do one impression of me . A good voice of guillermo . A voice of guillermo . Like this . Its kind of good, right . It sounds kind of like you. You think people would know the difference . Wow, youre doing such a great job. Thanks a lot. Yeah. You want to play a game with me . Sure. I have the wheel of questions. Just pull the red thing right there. And spin the wheel. Okay. Then when you the question im going to ask you. Okay. Its landed on money. On money . Do you like money . I love money. How much money do you have . Not a lot. Not a lot . Ha ha ha me neither, ha ha ha you like margarita . We do like a margarita. Whos going to go first . Jordan . Are you sure theres margarita inside of this . Its margarita, i swear, drink it. All right, ready . I want you to do it. Mm, mm thats a cadillac. Thats a cadillac margarita. Grand marnier, thats good. Now let him do it. Hes doing it. You feel that . No, i dont feel it. You feel the suction . No, suck it, i dont feel it. I made something just for you. Just for your mom. Okay . For my mom . For your mouth. For my mouth . Your mouth only. Only for my hold on . Bring it. Its the longest ive ever waited for something to come into my mouth. Ready . Yeah. Now, ready, suck it. Are you going to spit in this . Suck it . I mean drink it, sorry. Suck its better. Im going to suck it. More. Mm no, look, its not moving. More i havent sucked this hard in i dont have anywhere else to be. Me neither. Okay, great. How strong are you . Not strong at all. Like how im an english person, i dont have much in the way of a muscle mass. I have a concave chest. Im going to give you a test. If you open this pickle jar, this jar of pickles youre giving me the Hillary Clinton test . Yeah. Yeah . Uhhuh. Can i open it . Ill e. Se youve got very greasy. Oh my god. Oh no. I cant open it. You won tonight . Its not strength based, is it, comedy. Its almost the opposite of that. It rewards the weak. Congratulations on your emmy. Thank you, baby. Can i give you some emmy juice . Whats emmy juice . Tequila. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, here. Emmy juice. Mr. Robert. Whispered in my ear, i think youre going to win the emmy . Yeah. Then it happened. It happened. Cheers, guillermo. Cheers. Felicidadas. Love you, my man. I love you too. Can i give you a head massage . Yeah. Its cool, youre going to like it. Oh my god, you left. You want to play the wheel of questions . Yeah, lets do there. Okay. All right. Then spin it and it land and you tell me and i ask you that question. Hair. No, soup. Do you like soup . I love soup. Whats your favorite soup . Chicken soup with rice. Mine is clam chowder. Red or white . White. Eww. Cant do it. Thank you very much. Nothing . Nothing. Did you say cheapass . No, i said congratulations on your emmy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy weve all had too much to drink. Thank you, guillermo. Tonight on the show, music from die antwoord, john popper is here, be right back [ cheersnd dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by pedigree. Feed the good. Oh, whoa. Oh that is amazing. crying . Your own backyard . yelling with excitement whoa, what the. laughing . foot steps . crickets chirping . jet engine . heart beat . water splashing engine revving tires on wet road . Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. to dog give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh to dog im so proud of you. Well thank you. Get your free credit scorecard at discover. Com. . . Grocery shoppers of america take your o organics baby carrots. Take your eggs. Even your o organics chips. And join the organic movement. Organic food is no longer just for the privileged few. O organics, . Jimmy great, john popper sitting in with the cletones. He wrote a book called suck and blow and other stories im thought supposed to tell. Salesmanship. Jimmy its the story where you came to my house to watch football and rowdy rob piper i believe thats in there, you never know. Jimmy get this book, thats a really good story. Yes, ive never seen a live jimmy later on this evening, hes the host of last week tonight for which he won an emmy, the very funny john oliver is here. All wait from johannesburg. These guys are something to see. Their new album is die antwoord from the samsung stage. Tomorrow night, Denzel Washington will be here. Minnie driver will join us. Music from ur letter are later this week bill oreilly, music from jake owen, please join us for all this. Emmy and golden globe winning actor, jack barr striking fear into tv terrorists, he played president tom kirkman in the new show designated survivor. Mr. President . Excuse me but i believe you have been misinformed. Is that a fact . Yes. We have moved no such destroyers my Defense Department has war gamed this out. Theyre waiting for me to give them the green light which i assure you i will do unless you pull your destroyers back within the next three hours. Mr. President mr. Ambassador, you may not know much about me. What you should know is im about as straight a shooter as youre going to find in washington. You should believe me when i tell you that i do not want, as my first act as commander in chief, to attack iran. Jimmy designated survivor premieres wednesday night at 10 00 on abc. Please welcome Kiefer Sutherland [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy very president ial. This is my new favorite thing. Jimmy we dont have mugs but we have hoodies. I dont want to take anything away from guillermo. Jimmy i can become your tv Vice President , maybe thats my only option here. [ cheers and applause ] you make the grade. Jimmy i say your pilot and its great. The show is really, really great. Thank you so much. Jimmy are you happy with it . Did you enjoy it . Im happy with it to the degree that i know what i did. But i dont normally watch the stuff i film. Jimmy you dont like to watch yourself . No, ive managed to make 216 episodes of think ive watched a single one of them. Jimmy they were really good, you would like them. [ laughter ] thanks. Thank you. Jimmy wow. I dont watch them for two reasons. Theres not much i can do after the fact. Jimmy right. And when i was very young, i went to a cast and crew screening of a film i did called stand by me. Jimmy right, yes. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very, very much. Great movie. And my girlfriend at the time went with me. And i was absolutely horrified and i remember leaning over to her saying, if i dont get a job before this comes out, its over. And she said, no, no, i think it was really good. And i remember snapping, dont patronize me jimmy wow. Then it was the biggest hit of the summer and the changed my life. So i figured maybe i shouldnt watch the stuff i do. Jimmy youre very critical of yourself. Do you watch other people and think, that guy was good, this woman was good . I write people o left, right and center. Jimmy i see. Explain the premise of the show. It is a great premise. Designate in the constitution there is an article that each party has to set someone aside at any state of the union or gathering of the full government in case of a catastrophe, whether it be a natural disaster, a fire. And that the line of succession for the presidency would be protected. Jimmy that person sits in a room . Surrounded by the fbi. Jimmy right. And secret service. And its viewed i think today as kind of a little bit of a want you in the room or something, they make you do that. Jimmy timeout for politicians. Kind of a timeout for a politician. And my character was about to be fired. And was kind of sent away to this room. And a terrorist attack happens and everybody in the Capitol Building was killed. And he becomes president overnight. Jimmy hes so excited when he comes out and everybodys dead, like yes i finally did it no, hes probably the most reluctant president youll see. But i think in his service to the country. Jimmy its a great character. Its really good. And your daughter, which is i love the show veep on hbo. Me too. Jimmy which was a winner last night. Your daughter plays the daughter of Julia Louisdreyfus character on that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy any possibility of a crossover familywise there. No, i think the tone of the shows is so different. Jimmy that might be fun. Special. Jimmy the show is set in washington, d. C. , you shoot in toronto. You were born in toronto . No, i was born in england but grew up in toronto, with my mom, and i have a twin sister. Jimmy does your twin still live in toronto . She does. Jimmy you guys have that bond where you know if one of you stubbed your toe no, we dont, no. We dont have the telepathic thing. Jimmy you dont have that . No. Jimmy thats a bummer, why even have a twin . [ laughter ] ill tell her shes not going to like you. Jimmy she already knows. [ laughter ] im looking forward to the show. I think its going to be a big hit. Designated survivor. It premieres wednesday night. Kiefer sutherland, everybody going to the skate park today . Maybe. You can make it grrreat . To go all in and let your great out. Theyre grrreat scalpel. I have no idea what im doing. Im just a tv doctor. I never went to college. scream i dont do blood. But now, thanks to cigna, i can do more than just look the part. Is that a foot . We are the tv doctors of america. And were partnering with cigna to help save lives. By getting you to a real doctor for an annual checkup. Cigna. Together, all the way. [ . Diggy . By spencer ludwig] [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . [ beetle horn honks ] no matter which passat you choose, you get more standard features, for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. When it comes to healthcare, seconds can mean the difference time is life. We have 18,000 people around the world. The microsoft cloud helps our entire staff stay connected and Work Together in real time to help those that need it. The ability to collaborate changes how we work. What we do together changes how we live. Music suspenseful . If your heartburn medications not doing its job. The food you eat during the day. Music loud mariachi band can also haunt you at night. So try nexium 24hr. Just one pill each day. Shuts down your stomachs active. Acid pumps to stop the burn of frequent heartburn. All day and night. Have we seen them before . . The gillette sensor3 has three blades and a wateractivated lubrastrip, giving you up to ten smooth shaves. Gillette the best a man can get . Jimmy our next guest is a very bright and funny man who came to this country to explain how it works. He won an emmy for last week hbo. Please welcome john oliver [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy you seem so far its like i could almost touch it. So shiny, so near and yet so practically very, very far. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] not just practically either. Congratulations. It pains me to say it but you definitely deserve it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. Ive got to say your show was absolutely excellent too. It really is. You do a great job. Jimmy thank you very much. I appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] very fine of you to say. Great shows. Thats the honor. Jimmy can i just say that i dont think you really mean that. [ laughter ] i feel like you dont. Yes, i do. Jimmy no, you dont. You dont. Why do you say that . Jimmy well, i just because youre reading it from cue cards. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy youre reading off of cue cards which makes it feel no, im not. Jimmy you see, you are. It says no, im not right there on the card. No, jimmy. Im serious, i would not be where i am today without the pioneering efforts of shows like yours. [ cheers and applause ] right . Jimmy its still, also from the card. I dont know whats happening, i have never been more sincere in my entire life. Okay, okay, okay, ill prove it to you. I will cover my eyes. Okay . Jimmy okay. I watch Jimmy Kimmel Live every night and i think its terrific. There. Jimmy all right. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy whats on your hand there . Nothing. Jimmy wait a minute, this is written on your hand [ cheers and applae ] youre reading that off your hand. Yes, it is written on my hand. But it is a permanent tattoo. That is how much i love you, jimmy jimmy wow. Ive inked my truth on my palm jimmy why dont we take a break and really express our love. Sure. [ cheers and applause ] . . I live in a nameless town . . Underneath the ugly halogen lamps . . Oh, it all went away so fast . . In a black out . . Scalpel. I have no idea what im doing. Im just a tv doctor. I never went to college. scream i dont do blood. Look the part. Is that a foot . We are the tv doctors of america. And were partnering with cigna to help save lives. By getting you to a real doctor for an annual checkup. So go, know, and take control of your health. Doctor poses. Cigna. Together, all the way. Woah youre not taking these. Hey, hey, hey youre not taking those. Woah, woah youre not taking that. Not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Mom, im taking the subaru. Dont be late. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. Theres only two left, you should masterpass that, now. Hey dude. I masterpassed it. She sounds cranky. She wants her fruit chews. Masterpassed. Oh jane, youre getting a ticket. Nope, its been masterpassed. Whats with this one . Ive taken care of the check, its all masterpassed. I masterpassed it. That was fast. Because i masterpass. I was out here smoking instead of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. First theres sharp blades. Every great why then shielding lubrication. And cooling. Brrr. With lubrication before and after the blades. Shields and cools while you shave. . Jimmy were back. John oliver who won an emmy last night. You think guillermo wont snatch i knew you were going to win, did you know you were going to win . Of course not, im british. I anticipate disaster every day. No, shull also, all the they were doing the reading of the nom knees. All the cameras left where i was to go to the middle. So i thought, its someone in the middle. Jimmy you did . I didnt get to do my loser face or happy face. I didnt get to do it, i was invisible. Jimmy did you practice it . Yeah, i just kind of what the [ bleep ] . [ laughter ] but either way. That was my reaction, good or bad. Jimmy when you made your speech, instead of talking and talking and thanking everyone youve ever met, you actually asked the band to play you off, which i dont think ive ever seen anyone do. Yeah, you see when youre a little kid at awards shows, all i wanted was to be played off. That seems like the fun bit. Its when things get tense. I just wanted that to come as quickly as possible. Jimmy its bad to forget people, its even worse when you not only forget them, you intentionally ran out of time. I thanked everyone i should have thanked and two people i shouldnt have done. Jimmy oh, really. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy at the show or afterwards was there anybody you were particularly excited to meet . Hugh laurie. Jimmy really . I know to americans hes house. Ive not seen house. In england he was part of pioneering and laurie. Jimmy you never met him before . No, ive never met anyone. [ laughter ] jimmy thats true, youre in new york. I live in new york, i meet people on the street and horses. Sad horses. Thats it. Jimmy and do the i would imagine that when youre in an environment like that you get a lot of praise from celebrities and for your work. Your show not only is funny, it really is an educational show, its embarrassing in a way to have someone come over here and explain how things Like Health Care work. Its less tn ideal. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] the only disappointing thing last night, other than the fact that you were amazing [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. You were so good. Very funny. Heres the thing. I was under the understanding beyonce was going to be there. Jimmy she was supposed to be there. Not just there, i was supposed to be right there, two seats in front of me. All i was looking forward to is staring at the back of her head. Four hours, watching her interact with her immediate environment. Jimmy i was thinking about when i was going to do, what i was going to say. With beyonce you have to talk to her, acknowledge her presence. The queen. You curtsy. Jimmy its better than the queen, dont compare beyonce to your little queen. [ laughter ] youre right. Technically i should be offended but its biological fact. Better than the queen. Looks better, sounds better, wears jewelry better. Shes better. Jimmy the queen is not booty licious at all. Well, there isunk in the trunk. [ laughter ] jimmy in england is the emmys a big thing . Are your family and friends excited . No, no one knows who i am. I failed in england, no one knows who i am there. Jimmy is that true . Im guessing the coverage is going to be, whos that . Isnt that the guy we all was bad . Whats wrong with the United States . Its going to be mystifying. Jimmy wow, thats something else. They know james corden, because he had a successful career. I failed my way to america. [ laughter ] jimmy wow. So the show comes back on sunday. Sunday. Jimmy you have a new show. You have to start working. Have you started working on it yet . No, we have some ideas. We flew our entire staff. Jimmy i noticed your staff was the loudest, drunkest group most of them hadnt been to california before so they went at it hard. They were shut up away at the top of the theater. When the nominations came out they were cheering whenur show was mentioned. A guy said, wow, your shows really popular. I said, its not, we employ all of them. Thats my entire staff. Jimmy wow. Will you consider the olive garden neverending pasta bowl as a subject . It seeps like your alley. Does it end, though . Lets take this to its logical conclusion, human death. Jimmy youre right, it says neverending but its only seven weeks long. Technically you could sue them probably. It takes a Morgan Spurlock with the courage of his convictions to say, im going to eat this till i die to prove a point. One of us is going to blink. Jimmy its very good to have you here. Congratulations on the emmy. John oliver, last week tonight be right back with die antwoord [ cheers and applause ] . Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is in one door a member of congress. Out another a highpaid lobbyist. 131 former members of congress are now lobbyists in washington, dc. Its just considered business as usual. I consider it wrong. Thats why im fighting for a new law to permanently ban former members of congress from ever becoming lobbyists. Im Michael Bennet . I want to thank Kiefer Sutherland, john popper, john oliver, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. Nightline is next but first they are not breaking up, this is their song banana brain, die antwoord . . . . . . Im having the best time . . Of my life made by god baby girl you so fine so so fine you blow my mind . . Look at you coochiekoo juicy tooshie gooshiegoo boobie one boobie two . . Bouncing like a looney toon booty booming cookie juice gushing out your gucci boo . . You so cute like peekachoo there noone so sweet like you i was sad then you . . Sneaked into my lonely heart like peekaboo now every time i think of you not by my side i dry my eye . . I just want to sing lullabies to my little butterfly banana brains . . You the apple of my eye stay with me tonight cus im having the best time . Banana brains you the apple of my eye stay with me tonight cus im having the . . Best time of my life banana brains you the apple of my eye stay with me tonight . . Cus im having the best time of my life . Baby boy you so cool how can i stay mad at you . . I love you and thats the truth you so silly you so stoopid you the best . . I never want you to stress everything gunna be cool wait and see just hold my hand and stay with me . . Baby girl you been there for me through thick and thin with cool energy . . You care for me and defended me help me defeat my enemies life is weird . . It keeps testing me like you do your . . Voodoo fresh to me i just wanna be giving you the best of me everything is meant to be . . You were sent to me you and me got wild destiny you like a lil angel never pressure me . . Everything you do is so zef to me i love it thats you best friends with me . . I just wanna treat your heart carefully cus everyday i feel blessed to be . . The one with you chilling right next to me banana brains you the apple of my eye . . Stay with me tonight cus im having the best time of my life banana brains . . You the apple of my eye stay with me tonight cus im having the best time of my life . . Stay with me tonight stay with me tonight stay with me tonight cus im having . . The best time of my life i love it that you there for me . . Everything is meant to be baby you were sent me . . [ cheers and applause ] . . . sexy boyz fancy b play boyz bad boyz . . i fink u freeky and i like u a lot i fink u freeky and i like u a lot . . i fink u freeky and i like u a lot i fink u freeky and i like u a lot . . . i fink u freeky and i like u a lot i fink u freeky i fink u freeky and i like u a lot . . . Left me locked in my zef zone ready 4 da test yo what da heck i guess so hit da overseas everybodyz headz get blown get everyfing 4 free like dr dre beats headphones . . When i get home i lounge on my zef throne make my mummy happy coz i get so paid making my money rapping over techno rave i can take u round da world lets go babe . . When i step up and do my thing i put u in a trance my zefside click got it going on i dont care what u think i do what i want i can make a million this is nightline. Tonight, after a dramatic shootout with police, the alleged serial bomber captured alive. Just 48 hours after a string of bombs terrorized new york and new jersey. Now authorities investigating. Did he act alone . Raiding his home and reportedly new details on the alleged terrorist and the bloody showdown with law enforcement. Plus strutting their stuff. These transgender models have gone from hiding in the shadows to embracing the spotlight. Weve always been here. And now you know. Welcome. Whoopi goldberg is on the front lines in the battle for trans acceptance. And cooking with curry. While husband stefan is serving