People caught up in the story of Jesus give a gift of any size I want to send this to you by Dan darling call 866-953-2279 or 86695 favorite you can also give online at Chris Faber a Live dot org Kris Faber Live dot au r g thank you for being a back fence friend you can see how to be a back fence part I set my back fence post out the day to my pals who are our back fence of partners with me b f P's so you can find Chris' favorite Live dot org We're trying to get Ruth on the line here will do that let me tell you who she says and then the way that this starts just arrested me I looked at this and I thought Is that true could that really be the most influential person I want throw their sin to your life into the high end of the blender of your life today listen to this the most influential person in your life is the one you have not forgiven now that a close the book right there I'm going to turn the radio off I don't want to think about that person that I have not forgiven I want to think about happy thoughts you have to keep talking about Christmas Chris that's there's an awful lot that happens in life is an awful lot of forgiveness that you have to mete out they have to give to other people if you are in any kind of relationship I mean if you you look at the New Testament you see this over and over and over again and Ruth Graham this all came starkly clear to her when she went behind prison walls at a place where I've been Louisiana State Prison the penitentiary there I got the t. Shirt it says Louisiana State Penitentiary on the front and then on the back it says a gated community. I had to have it I had to have the the t. Shirt but Ruth went to death row and there was a man named Michael who she met and who sang a song to her and she met somebody later on who's Michael whose life Michael had changed irrevocably I want her to tell you that story today and we might get it but I saw it because I can see that where we're still haven't a struggle getting hold of Ruth today let me ask you this if that is true if the the person who is the most important person the most influential person in your life is the one you have not forgiven who is that for you if I had to say their name it does somebody come to mind immediately when I say that the one you have not forgiven we are call yesterday after the program when Miriam was here the of the empty chair and there was a man who told a story about what had happened to someone in his family and it was pretty clear to me that he was really upset with this life situation with this huge loss in his life and he could what he could not wrap his mind around was that God had a very best allowed this if not caused the death of his family member and he couldn't understand it he could not understand it and he couldn't come to grips that with why in the world would a good God allow this to happen I think there are a lot of people in the in the country who feel kind of the same way. I want talk one to call me right now 877-548-3675 who's the person who comes into your mind when I say that sentence the most influential person in your life is the one you have not forgiven Who is it that you have not forgiven and my guess is going to tell I'm not going to tell you now but I would tell Tricia and Ryan in the break my guess is the 1st person who calls us is going to answer with this person or just just have a guess we're going to see if I'm right who is it in your life that you have not forgiven 877-548-3675 is our number call me right now you don't go into a lot of detail but I might push you a little bit on the fact that 877-548-3675 Who is it in your life you have not forgiven should be an interesting hour this is Chris maybe live under the rain. Here's your chains are $1.08 little thing here I'll just put that $0.08 in your take a penny leave a penny jar there yes I'll just put that $0.08 right. You never know. You know 7 somebody may. Serve higher you yeah mean. I'm sorry I just wanted to make sure your are that but. Your take up. Just in case just someone. Right there well has heard you say that. It's great you want to get over here and out have a good evening sir next please thank you. Matthew 6 says Take care don't do your good deeds publicly to be admired because then you will lose the rewards of your Father in Heaven but when you give a gift to someone and don't shout about it is the hypocrites something to think about from your friends it movie radio. This is very big wire I'm a car guy here to help you understand God's purpose for your life through the eyes of a layman but Wilkins in the Oklahoma put book coach who had the longest unbeaten streak in college history revealed how he trained his players so successfully to tell him exactly what you do then you tell them a 1000 more times and it works like a jar how often you have to express an idea until he comes and bedded in people a lot of the early church had one of those sayings and all top and repeat repeat as the Christ came into the world to save sinners that was the purpose they must to be to repeat things then just as we do now maybe if we said the 1000 times it would be enough truth is we can't say it is not your job is to guide revival outside the walls of your church by movie everyone you're with today closer to Jesus if you want to know how easy that is go to our o t w dot com. This is post maybe live on Moody radio I'm Chris Fay we were alive and we're not real. Real not really great at titles hence the title press favorite line and glad to be here with you as we talk about a huge topic of forgiveness I find that this is one of the 3 or 4 topics that we keep coming back to again and again and again a Ruth Graham has written a book with Cindy Lambert both really good writers. Forgiving my father for giving myself an invitation to the miracle of forgiveness and hard time getting a hold of someone talk with you and the very beginning it's on it's not even a page the page is not numbered and there is a quote by anonymous you know anonymous the most influential person in your life is the one you have not forgiven you think it is true and. Why if that is true. Of asked you to call me and tell me who is the person you you have not been able to forgive be as honest as you can be not to say their name. But just tell me what it is that is the struggle that you're having in forgiving and the key is on the line in Florida I am a key figure out ahead. I. Have been able to get my. Nails of abuse in the with ISIS ship and after I left early left. He basically ruined my career and. Made my life difficult. Even to reach out like love in my enemy but he still is he. He still is this so I. Come in the. So there are layers and layers of that whole thing that you're dealing with the past with his actions and the reason it is so hard to forgive is because of the depth of the the fallout you know relationally with him and then what you said with other family members and career wise and there's probably financial stuff and it all it's there's just layer of it and but here's the thing it sounds like you'd like to get to the point of forgiveness you'd like to get there but you're not there is that true. Ok. Thanks for your honesty there today and x. Husband that's part of Ruth Graham's story as well but it wasn't the main person that she felt like she had to forgive the most influential person in your life is the one you've not forgiven said true let's go to Minnesota Gary's on the line Hey Gary how you doing today. Doing Ok I thank. You glad you call it thanks for being honest with us going. Thank you for taking my call I tried to forgive my mother for her thanks that happened in my life and he reviews that she said I didn't do anything wrong and so. I made the attempt and I don't know where I stand on. Your kind of in in limbo in forgiveness limbo it sounds like you want to forgive your mom but how do you forgive somebody who doesn't own what they've done is what you're saying. My point exactly exactly Gary you're not alone there are a lot of people who are listening right now assuming there are a lot of people listening. Who are in that same thing it's like yes I could forgive if you just admit there's the problem here's the thing I did and ended it you don't have to say you're sorry just admit it it happened and I can move a little step further closer to you everything's Melissa is on the line the question is Who is it that you can't forgive Melissa what's your answer. Hi. Well mom's a little bit different but it is the I have a son and it's the mother of the grandchild and they're no longer together anymore and. She tends to well not tends to she she kind of uses the baby as a as a pawn on our side of the family like yes things aren't going just rot Well then none of us can see her and you know after tried to talk to her and comments that that's not really hurting anyone but the baby in the long run she got to set a families that love her so very much she so blessed our granddaughter that. Just when I think of as I have found a place where like Ok I'm Ok with this more King towards forgiveness it kind of rears its ugly head again in some way or form but she will not own up to anything kind of lot the last caller and it's hard to. It's hard to move past that one when when she's not owning up to anything that she's that she's doing you know when you thought it was to go back into the water I want your lives right really Exactly yes and you know it really annoying Melissa what is the feeling when you you know something happened it doesn't even have to be a big thing either can just be Yant of something that happened and then boom the feeling is there right well not a lot of give I'm just going to give you one small example. Her and my son have their you know visitation schedule all working out and everything thank the Lord and thank the Lord I do have a son there 24 there while she's 22 there's another relatively young you know and they work out their own little visitation schedule and I'm so proud of my son because he wants to be involved and his child slob so he he fought for those rights to get visitation and someone sent for but in the example he's going away this weekend and this is his weekend to have his daughter so myself and my husband aka granny and papa. Asked you know 3 check she will talk on the phone she will talk in person and were very nice you know we were just wondering if if maybe we could have you know the grandbaby for just a couple hours Saturday or Sunday your choice because us our son would have had all that time anyway and she doesn't even answer a text. I add to me it's like I just just cinema Texas says no. You know I'm not comfortable with that or but we get nothing it's come alive she totally an ache no words us and like wants us to disappear and go away you know and some like closures are. Bliss The 1st response is and other people may be thinking this too will maybe she didn't see it and then my thought is you've had experience with this before and that's the yang that makes you think she doesn't want to deal with us and that is the perfect picture now here's here's the question and Melissa thanks for being honest with us here is the question then is is this quote by Anonymous this famous anonymous person is it really true that is the most influential person in your life the one you've not forgiven is the most influential person in in Melissa's life this person who is exacting this thing with the grandchild. Is are they leading your life if you are not able to get to a certain place I'll be honest with you folks I'm in deeper water than I can I can tread water on this subject because this is a I think this is a huge issue for all of us for anybody has any kind of relationship you're constantly asking this question At what point am I going to get to the place where this is not ruling me where I don't if I don't get a response to the text it doesn't just make me want to phone a call in show and talk about it because this is right there on the surface. Chris is in Bloomington Indiana Chris why did you call today you know I was just wondering. Person Well actually if you people over the years good. You know they they do your 1st dozen wrong and you know you I feel like I forgave him but I don't really want to play around those people or whatever anymore. Does that mean that I haven't forgiven them or. You know what yes so you so the as a litmus test then do I if I don't want to be around them does that mean that I haven't forgiven them and I I'm not I'm not Ruth Graham and I don't play I don't play or on the radio but there is this thing called boundaries that you that you put up and I've had enough conversation with Jan Sylvia's to know about these there are ways that you protect yourself from someone who is injurious you know who comes along and you can still love that person care for that person show kindness to that person even forgive that person but say I can't allow you to be so close to my life that you're going to injure me again and again and again I think there is a place for that and place for that kind of boundary and still be on the continuum of forgiveness. But I. Talk with with Ruth here in just a minute Chris thanks for your call today let me take one more because this gets into the deeper some of the deeper issues Lisa Lisa tell me who came to your mind when I said Who have you not forgiven. Your father tell me about. He took me in this went on I was 7. And throughout my life tried this tell me why. And when I did. Get old enough I left home I did seek counseling I never told my mother even on her dying bed but during counseling after 20 years one counsellor made me say suspect my mother knew but did nothing to 'd stop him and I about loss because 'd I wanted to at least feel that one of my parents did love me and then after being married for $33.00 and a half years last year it all remained I had never touched history or held another man stands. And I found out that my husband had been seeing another woman 20 years younger than my so and now I'm 60 years old and I feel like my life is over and I have nothing to show for any of it that I've dreamed p.s. Alone or understanding and I really don't care but it sounds like you are you know you've been injured you were injured so early on and then re injured and even when you came on with us here today there was just this. It's almost like a disconnection you feel disconnected from from your own heart in a way because of the things that have been done to you that if that doesn't sum up how yes will you yes or no I don't feel. All i've been any more I want you to hang on for she's going to get your information we're going to talk with Ruth Graham about what you just said and when I started this segment I said that I think the 1st person on is going to is going to say this person I cannot forgive this person and so far as I've looked at the all of the calls that have come in only one person that has said this person this phantom person and that phantom person is myself so I was at least partly right there is somebody who feels that way I feel I really believe there are so many people who would never eat express it this way even especially as Christians who would not express it I can't forgive myself for this thing but it's true now here she is Ruth Graham Ruth is the author of a number of books daughter of Billy Graham of phone or bowl in this book and the she says she quotes the anonymous the most influential person in your life is the one you've not forgiven Ruth welcome to the program how you doing today I'm doing fine thank you Chris. First of all tell me what you would say to our caller Lisa about what happened to her with her father doll what's happened with her husband and everybody who's called in here has said I want to forgive I just don't know how to do it what would you say Lisa. Lisa has been this really hurt over and over again and I cannot even begin to imagine the kind of hurt that she has experienced but I do know is she can. Pray and ask the Lord to make her willing to be willing because right now she she doesn't want to do it she just can't do it but I think if she could just open the door just a crack for the Holy Spirit to slip in then he will begin to work and I know that she has a heavenly Father who loves her who adores her who think she is the most perfect person and he wants to wrap his arms around her and tell her that she's beautiful and lovely and treasured and terrorist her earthly father let her down horribly. But she has a heavenly Father that will never let her go and will never let her down and has a Holy Spirit who is living in her to help per carry out her right now not even her with but he knows he she needs to forgive but she doesn't have it in her to forgive the Holy Spirit to put it there because she can't do it he can't it's not up to her . And then we get into the whole definition of you know I don't even know if her father is living or not but what what is forgiveness forgiveness is something different than a lot of what a lot of people think because a lot of people think forgiveness is reconciliation and you make it clear in your experience now that that's not exactly what it is right. No forgiveness is different from reconciliation forgiveness is unconditional you can forgive it regardless of the person being a lot of her present or not present whether they want it or not you can forgive them if you've made the choice to forgive but reconciliation depends on the change of The Who are the one who's done the wound and sometimes it's not wise to reconcile in some cases it would be dangerous I have a friend who says you know we go to the zoo and we enjoy the animals but we don't have to get the cage with and sadly it's dangerous to get back into a relationship and it's best to still walk away and that's Ok that's Ok that's necessary and when you have a spiritual obligation to protect your children and yourself that was Chris's call just a little bit ago who was asking if I forgive and if I don't want to have contact with that person have I really forgiven them and so you just address that Ruth Graham is with us today we're going to talk more with her today on Chris Faber live our featured resource for giving my father for giving myself more straight ahead. This is Max McLean How does God's law change us listen to the Bible from 11 tapes and 3. Because of the morgues great. We're not consumed for his compassions never fail there are new every morning great is your faithfulness I say to myself my lord is my portion therefore I will wait for he alone is good to those whose hope is in him to the one who seeks him it is good to wait quietly for the sound of ation on the loan for men are not cast off by the Lord for ever though he brings grief he will show compassion so great is is on failing love. From limitations 3 listen to the Bible it's great for the soul. Be able to hear the Word of God today and every day to hear morning go to Radio Bible dot org. Just who was Jesus Christ Jesus he was a good man a moral teacher Well the Bible teaches in Matthew 26 that Jesus said He was the Christ the Son of bad now to claim that he was just a good man doesn't fit Jesus he was one of the prophet sent from God The Bible teaches in John 14 the Jesus claim to be the only truth and the only way to God to claim he was special isn't enough Jesus was a real it's just a story she says in fact a history proves otherwise the 1st followers of Jesus Christ coolly to dive for their beliefs did they choose to die for a story they made up Jesus lived but he also does it for our sins we all need forgiveness from God So ask him to accept the price already paid through the death of God's son Jesus. I'm sorry News I'm John Scott on Capitol Hill House Intelligence Committee ranking member Devon known Yes' says the time to in the impeachment hearings has long passed he says Congress has better things to do than conduct which uts the Yonah Hill a career expert on Russia and David Holmes a State Department official in Kiev are capping an intense week of testimony in the end Corey Britain's Prince Andrew facing mounting goals to provide information to u.s. Law enforcement agencies and the lawyers who are investigating crimes committed by us sex offender Jeffrey Epstein a Chinese commerce ministry official says Beijing is working to resolve conflicts with Washington over trade and dismissing speculation that the talks might be in trouble the u.s. Holding right among high schoolers has fallen to a new low however the decline in teen smoking has been overshadowed by the starting rise in under-age babying this is s r n news. I am convinced this is one of the things that. Many people up in society and Christians specifically this topic of forgiveness because we miss diagnose it we don't define it well we don't define it Biblically and so I'm glad that Ruth Graham is here she's written 9 books including a bestseller in every puce it's a broken heart she's the daughter of Dr Billy Graham she read about heartache and wounds and how the grace of God can meet us in those broken places and forgiving my father forgiving myself is her latest she's written this with Cindy Lambert an invitation to the miracle of forgiveness you'll find it Chris Faber a life dot org Ruth I want you to take us to the prison there in Louisiana and to death row you tell a story right off the bat that gets us into the depths of this topic when you met Michael Yes I had a it made me realize that I had a very superficial understanding of forgiveness I thought that gives you please forgive me or I forgive you and you stop about the verse over and you go on but when I went to to Angola Prison which is home to 5000 man who are in there for life very to get out. About parole or use it by death. By the execution or illness and I went in they it was one thing to be in prison Little's another thing to be invited onto death row and I thought Oh dear I you know got Congress use but I was so nervous and so anxious I had I mean what could I middle aged lady give to somebody on death row but I went to we walked to the razor wire and. Gates opened and then I think we walked through and they clank shut and we were cage done and we had another gate had to open and we heard it rattle open clunk open and finally they pointed me to a whole way that was flat was self and its concrete block way and I had a team with me a tape a team of people that worked with me and we divided up so that we could talk to as many men as we possibly could and the 1st so I came to a little hand stuck out and he said I'm Michael and I shook his hand and I talked to him about his family. You know asked him about his family and it didn't take long he said Can I sing your song and I said Absolutely so he took a step back and he took a deep breath and he bellowed out it is well it was a soul and I knew it was well with his soul and then we talked for a few more minutes and I prayed with him and he said Can I give you a gift I thought what's this guy going to give me he said death row here well a little cross from his bed sheet threads a little cross that hangs at my house now as repond to pray for those and go on. But I I took it and I thanked him I prayed with them and I walked away not dreaming that are that I would ever think about his story much again. But about 3 weeks after I got back from Angola I got an e-mail from a lady apparently the national press had picked up the fact that I was at Angola and had gone to death. So she e-mailed and she said Did you really go to Angola is death row and I said yes I did she emailed me back and said Did you meet Michael and I said I don't have to ask the work so I called her Ok nice it girl I said did I meet Michael on death row he said yes I did so I emailed her back and I said Yes I think she said you know if she's a believer and I said I don't know I'll have to come back and I called the warden back and when I called her I said Do you know if Michael is a believer he said yes he is and he's scheduled to that this was so emailed her back and I said Michael is a believer but can I ask you why you're interested in this young man in true applied she said he perjured my granddaughter in a brutal way and I want you to know that I take no pleasure that I want him to be in heaven when I'm there and I as I thought. Wow I don't know anything about forgiveness that is just amazing to me that was the main thing Grace and I thought what day when that grandmother walks into heaven there will be Michael and the granddaughter hand in hand to greet her and it's just that is what forgiveness is it's cozily it's a failure but it's a god thing it is holy. And it's not you make the point it's not it doesn't come to us naturally and now Rivera comes to us at exactly what branch I want the pound of flesh I want an eye for an eye and 2 for tooth and you and justice and all of that and I you know I know still understand that it's not natural it's not easy and I think that's what many people struggle with I should be forgiving and I'm not I still have this in there is a grace and a mercy to realize that you're not able to forgive don't you think Yes yes I think when we. Just talk to God about forgiveness that he begins to pour into his into us His grace and mercy and show us that forgiveness is so important to our growth spiritually to our growth as a person I know you know we have people telling us it's a gift we give ourselves a way to get healthy emotionally it's a it's a letting go and that's through an inbox of ways that an element of that is true and and everything of forgiveness but that's really not the core of it the core of it it's holy it is sacred What was Jesus didn't want is being nailed to the cross he was saying Father forgive them and I think if we can't forgive we need to spend a little bit of time at the foot of across to know what Jesus went through. To die for us to save us and I think if we do that then we'll say oh if he died for me and he has forgiven me God Almighty is forgiven me I need to extend forgiveness to others not that it's easy not that it's quick it's a lifetime process but is well worth doing it and that that whole thing of forgiving yourself there are people who will immediately theologically retract and say that's not what it's about you know only God really can forgive you but I think really what you're saying is have you come to the place where you have fully accepted the forgiveness of God in your life so that you can move forward and live in light of His love and His mercy and His grace not holding out whatever it is that you've done you know there we said that begin the program you can hear this Ruth that there we had a caller yesterday who had a death in the family and really felt like it was it was his fault that then he had done something wrong a long time ago and God was had done this here in order to you know as retribution or whatever and or made mistakes in that relationship earlier and wasn't able to amend for them and there was no way to get out from under that weight that he felt and I think what you're talking about here today is the exact thing that he needs to hear about the love of God and the forgiveness of God that salute we we we can't out in God's grace or love and I think that was very important for me to learn after 4 failed marriages I was beating myself up and I was miserable I thought what's wrong with that I didn't even know it at that point I went to the poverty Christian I just felt well it's only time so what's wrong with me but one day a friend looked a and we were talking about I was beating myself up and he said Ruthie said. Do you think as a little girl you felt abandoned by your father and I thought no that can't be true because my father is my hero and I don't like my father for anything but it was true the piece that puzzles that the part that piece that the puzzle and I thought I did feel abandoned is a little girl I wanted a daddy who would pick me up when I fell down to help teach me to ride the bicycle to be in bed at night and so often when I needed him the most he was the farthest away and I had to forgive my father for that but I also had to realize that my core issue was abandonment and I don't make any excuses but sometimes there are reasons and I realized I was looking for security all those years and with all those marriages and it was never going to come apart from Jesus I would have told Jesus was my security absolutely yes but deep down with the secret places Our it wasn't true and I needed God to get his gospel way down there and once I realized what the core issue was and allowed the gospel to get back into those deep places I felt free and I was able to forgive myself and able to forgive my father and able to forgive God and you know again you don't know theology to forgive God Sometimes we have to come to a place of surrender and that's really what it means is just to surrender your life to God and say Lord I don't know why this happened I don't know why I'm in this but I trust you. And not having to you know because everybody said about your dad you know he was and you write about this in the book and he was in the person for that time trying to pick up the man told that had been laid down by so many people before him and then to get the gospel so you could you could chase your tail all day long to say will this in he had to go to the all of these places in order to fill but that doesn't erase the little girl who you write about this as well that any time you were with him he's with other people you know you go to dinner and there's always always people it's always staff around and say you didn't just have a dead to yourself and that is that's that's the way it was right that's right that's right and again I know that that was the. That was what they were doing that was their time and I I don't fault them for that they they yielded to God's calling but I also would say to the Evans helical listening to that what the right thing to do is that the example they are exceptions I don't think you can follow their example several 1000000000 roofless their kids to go into ministry 1st that's not the thing to do because we put God 1st family 2nd then ministry but back in the forty's fifty's sixty's when my parents were coming along with their ministry that wasn't the case it was God 1st and 2nd and family 3rd and I would just caution anybody who's in that speech to put your family 2nd but heard you and there are many missionary kids who can tell stories about that as well and again you can explain it and you can say well these were the circumstances in this is all we were we knew to do but any and you could agree with that and say yeah I understand what you're saying but that doesn't take away of the the band in that the you felt from your dad and also the from your mom as well there were things that were going on there and also in the book is a very messy book because you talk about all of the relationships you have this relationship with your daughter that shows these very same types of things we're talking about Ruth Graham today for giving my father forgiving myself is our featured resource Christina Green Live dot org This family lived on a large. With thoughts from her book The Wonder of his name here's Nancy Demasi. Isn't the most common title used for Jesus in the Bible but in Heber's Chapter 2 he's called the captain of our salvation that means he's our leader and we must follow his orders even when we can't understand what he's doing even when we may feel anxious about where he's leading us Jesus can be trusted as our captain our commander our Savior and our friend he's a captain who never fails a captain who fights for us even now intercedes on our behalf as we fight against the world the flesh and the devil think about we don't need to hide in shame give way to despair or cower in fear our mighty captain is in us with us and for us and so we can joyfully say to him Yes Lord I captain with seeking Him I'm Nancy Demasi Walkmans if we lose hope well we've lost just about everything but I am Chuck Swindoll. Would you get discouraged we sometimes lose perspective little things become mammoth even overwhelming motivation is drained away and worst of all hope departs God's word is tailor made for grace. It sends a beam of bright light through the fog it signals safety when we fear we'll never make it through such big picture perspective gives us a hope transplant and within a brief period of time we have escaped the bleak and boring new and we're sure. Aster in teacher Chuck Swindoll visit inside for livings website at Insight Oh Archie. You're back and partner you got my video today talking about baby Emma can't do every program that we'd like to do here and so I used my back fence post each Thursday to kind of pull back the curtain and say here's what's going on behind scenes if you'd like to give a gift each month you can be a partner today just go to Chris Faber Live dot org Chris Faber Live dot org or call us at 86695 Faber e 866-953-2279 Ruth Graham is with us today we're talking about forgiveness forgiving my father forgiving myself is the featured resource today I have to mention forgot to say this that you mention Angola Louisiana state prison I believe the penitentiary the the casket your father was buried in was made at Angola wasn't That's right in my mother's as well yeah just simple car would land with a messy head. There is a moment that you describe when you are coming back from. A deep time in your life when you know life is not turned out the way you want a lot of regret lot of struggle and you drive up that road to your father's house can you talk about that and. Yes I you know my 1st marriage ended in divorce due to my from my husband the Delta Yes and I was deeply wounded but immediately because of my security issues because of my abandonment issues I married another man and that lasted 3 months my parents warned of a they said don't do this why don't you wait slow down but I was hit strong and I just wanted somebody right there on the wrong me tell me everything was going to be Ok. And I married him but it wasn't 24 hours before I knew I had made a terrible mistake and I knew I had to go took my parents and it was a 2 day drive and I told the story of my father's funeral because it just illustrated to me what my father was really like and this question swirled in my mind what was I going to say to them what were they going to say to me were they trying to fool you fool with you we told you not to do it but as a rather the last been in my parents' driveway when father was standing there when I got out of the car he wrecked his arms around me and he said welcome home and that is the essence of who my father was but it showed me who my who by from our heavenly father was my Heavenly Father does the same thing I was that particles child who was coming home and the father waiting for him and wrapped his arms around him and forgave him instantly and I that's what my father did so he illustrated to me what the heavenly Father is really like yes and that to be able to rest in that grace and that acceptance you know and to hear his words and his just his embrace is even you know the abandonment thing is true he was gone a lot of the time but that's true as well of him isn't it yeah absolutely absolutely and you know I think by his own writings you know he said I know that my absence this must have repercussions in my children's lives and they certainly did in my life and I'm telling my story I'm not telling my siblings story I'm just telling my story but I know it did in my life and I don't know what hurt him and I was never able to talk to him because by the time I discovered this and I discovered it quite late by the time I discovered he was no longer conversant and so I was never able to have that conversation but I know he's listening now so he knows and his heart would have hurt to know he hurt me because he loved his children very very much. Well but you also talk about these wounds that are the what's the him rich wounds yet visible in Jesus to make our wounds sacred in order to do that you can't keep them secret you can't keep them hidden you don't broadcast them you know from the mountaintop and tell everybody everything that bad that's happened to you but this is the process of making the wounds sacred isn't. What is the process is allowing God's grace of throat from the womb to others I use in the book illustration of Rahab Rahab the prostitute who. Was in Jericho she had no reason to think that the Israelites would save her life and yet they did and she in turn saved their lives and. Her wounds were sacred and we can do the same thing if we let God's grace pull her to us and not become bottled up with anger and regret and hurt and bitterness and bitterness something we will all feel that's a part of our human nature but we don't have to set up camp there we don't set up camp and then sort of plan our revenge no we give it all to God all the ugly parts all the horrible parts and just be very honest with Him God can handle our anger he can hang our hands our bitterness we can handle our hurts because he loves us you know what we suffer the consequences of our stand it's not because he's punishing us voted just the consequences he's hurting with God is not matter that he loves us desperately. You know it strikes me because the question that I asked was people to for a listers to respond Who are you you know who can't you forgive the most influential person in your life is the one you have not forgiven so who is that just the very act of them picking up the phone and calling in and saying it's my ex-husband who's done this it's the grandparent who's done this who won't allow it's on and on it's myself just able to say the name and to and to put your finger on the nerve of this is you know this is the person I haven't forgiven and I can't forgive to be able to get to that point is a good part of the process you've identified it right that's absolutely that's the that's the 1st best 1st step to identify and then ask the Holy Spirit to help you make the choice to forgive and forgiveness is a decision and once we make that decision the Holy Spirit can come in and inhabit that decision it will help us forgive because we don't do it on our own you know there are some people are very hard to forgive but we don't do it on our own we do it with God's help with the Holy Spirit help yes at how many times I heard people say that I. I don't know how you would could forgive something like that you know like Michael and the person on the other end who had had you know the laws you know how do you do that the answer is you can't do a load that's right you need that and that's why in the book you say forgiveness is the opportunity to participate in the character of God He can interviews you with the of the power the ability with the grace His grace to extend that other people. Ruth that's a that's a really important thing and we could talk about it for a whole year here every day of the year and not exhaust that thank you for writing this what is a good prayer to leave us with today what what what should people pray. For you that they would be willing to forgive you know just again to say Lord help me to be willing to be willing to forgive and start the process and remember that it's a lifetime process it doesn't happen overnight it doesn't happen instantly but we can begin the process right now. That is a great prayer oh god would you make me open to being willing to forgive or even open to be open to be willing to forgive a can't do this on my own that that's where you are right now with somebody in your life with your own life you don't know how you can get over in the past even holding God responsible for this god would you help it would you open the door through your spirit and see what he does again Ruth Graham has been with us today you can find out more about her and forgiving my father forgiving myself a Chris Fabian Live dot org Dr George sweet will join us tomorrow and Chris Fay Wray live a production of movie radio ministry of movie Bible Institute. Here's how one person described the impact of movie radio it's gotten me to focus on Christ more starting with reading God's word but that also carries over into being a father being a husband and also be there for somebody that might be seeking Christ outreach listeners like this with the Word of God. Call 1800 d.l. Moody or visit movie radio dot o.-r. Church. We all long for something good it true and secure there's a hunger for hope that goes beyond politics and entertainment and reaches deep into our souls that hunger can only be satisfied by Jesus for more than 1000 years movie radio has faithfully delivered that message of hope to millions so they can take the next step in their walk with Christ call 1800 or visit the radio done o r g. Hi I'm John Erickson tada. Can and I do our best to honor God through the trials connected with my wheelchair but as you probably experience yourself even the most normal daily tasks can be hard to navigate and for me those normal tasks can take their toll among those bottom because most people have no idea what it takes for me a quadriplegic to simply get up in the morning Ok it's a 2 hour routine and it includes giving range of motion exercises a bed bath toileting routines put normal leg bag strapping on a corset get me dressed set me up I'm a wheelchair brushing teeth fixing hair and face not to mention fixing breakfast them that is the average version. And at night I don't simply jump out of my wheelchair and into bed it is virtually the same routine as in the morning except in reverse they entail $365.00 days a year it does not vary unless I become ill and then it's more complicated now please I'm not here to paint a bleak picture of woe is me about Husband No I'm here to applaud Karen as well as the many other husbands who take care of their wives or wives who take care of their men when couples stand up in front of a preacher and announce their wedding vows before family and friends they usually don't think about disability or if they do it's way far in the future when they're older. But I know couples who once they've tied the knot face life altering changes in their health a new husband discovers he has cancer the new bride learns she has multiple sclerosis sure Ken and I were very much aware of my quadriplegia when we marry but we had no concept of how difficult how hard it would be and it is still hard even after more than 37 years of marriage. It's why the vows we take the bells any couple takes are so critical but it's why the Word of God is such an anchor in a family Colossians Chapter 3 includes a section of instructions for Christian households and among all the advice collections 3 verses 23 and 24 some odd up best where the Holy Spirit tells us look whatever you do work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord not for human masters since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward it is the Lord Christ you are serving from that's the anchor to which families who struggle with this ability must simply fasten themselves to and it's what keeps Ken and me moving forward even as my quadriplegic bouts with cancer are making it harder and harder my husband and I share more about this on today's Johnny and friends podcast so when you get a moment visit the podcast Pais just go to Johnny radio dot org We've got a link there I love you to hear my husband's perspective in our lengthier conversation on today's podcast so be sure to tune in and share it or share today's program with your Facebook friends who deal with disability and if you're a family member caring for a grandmother or aging parent a child with a disability listen to the Holy Spirit speak to you today the kolache in chapter 3 for what ever you do work at it with all your heart as working for them Mord not for their family members and you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward because this wasn't just the family member you're serving It's Christ Jesus himself please friend remember that as you serve your loved one and visit our podcast page today at Johnny and Friends dot org listen more from my amazing husband cantata Thanks for listening today on Johnny and friends our thanks to Taylor sporting goods of Gunnison a business. Partner a local Christian radio 620-1400. You're listening to the local Christian radio for the Western Slope k j. K j. J y e Delta commercial free listeners. Well the clock says 2 o'clock that means it's my turn to share music with you Candy Andrews here for a Thursday on local Christian radio k j Oh well by the way it's also Day 4 of Operation Christmas Child don't forget to get involved check our website you'll learn more k j l well. Right there on the home page toward the bottom as you scroll down Titus Chapter 2 Paul told his son in the faith Titus the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people it teaches us to say no to one godliness and worldly passions and to live self controlled upright and godly lives in this present age while we wait for the blessid hope the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ hears Fernando Ortega joined by Paul as they kick things off in our great pages.