Good evening welcome to the or Boris Steiner I'm sure Skelton your d.j. Slash your new companion and you're listening to Katy access Conway Arkansas today I thought I'd read some clippings from the newspaper that I've kept with me for a while. They struck me at the time that they were being published and I've kind of kept them with me so I thought they'd be good to read this week these you can find them all online on New York Times under the title lost or not where you can just listen to me read them now November 4th dearest chase I'm trying to feel November yours and mine I'll make an imaginary dire Rama like something from grade school in an attempt to win a secret science fair of the heart Jenison chases November I'm mind's eye miniature I can peer into I won't mention this project to the captain or the Russians anyone we all know too much about one another's little projects up here is it cold yet Manhattan beautiful Have they put up the Christmas tree or is it too soon I know you loathe Rockefeller Center Do you ever go to the Chinese garden at the mat with the tiny gurgling water fountain where we once went and laid our heads together on a stone and fell asleep I don't know whether I want to know if you go there without me or not so don't answer that question Do I sound idiotic forgive me I'm going a little bonkers up here at last since the antifreeze leak explosion really things have not been right. I should organize my thoughts it always helps put my feelings back in order to write them to you I'm sure mission control of tried to keep any panic to a minimum that's in their training and even more it's in their nature Hello Ted and how are your rune are you sitting Salen as you read this even among us 6 we've quit discussing the incident there's always the new day's tasks to think of but in truth we nearly lost both the done and the greenhouse and without the greenhouse no food no air no us Northern Lights just an elaborate or perhaps a floating lab for an experiment in 0 gravity much of cation most of the most dedicated gardener among us now that sledge rarely emerges from the attic has been tinkering with the carbon dioxide balance a dangerous but crucial sport at 6 or $700.00 parts per 1000000 the air in here is dreadful but sustains life regular jiggering of organic functions are needed to keep the ratio from belt ballooning to something deadly to make a long story short after an alarmingly high reading. Discovered a mound of rotting mangrove fronts under seemingly healthy hillock of wheat grass a camouflage nightmare of poison leeching compost and game for us here could be that simple that foolish everyone even the captain and sledge was required to take up pitchforks in an emergency campaign to clear the fermenting stew into garbage stockings which then had to be banished from our airspace pronto now for months kill d.h. Has been stuffing waste into one of the emergency modules a reasonably nifty solution with the notion that we develop our ability to launch the module and government's contents of the edge of the Chinese scatter field. Perhaps our garbage drifting slowly into Earth's gravity could even take out some of the Chinese mines that keep us trapped here a fantasy perhaps we'd have to eliminate hundreds or mission to control for mission control even to begin disc to discuss reaching us with the shuttle but we dream might not have killed a dream fell short the worst would be to see a garbage suffered destroy it on passage through the scatter field they've got 2 other modules Well the surplus of mulch bulging stockings for Star hand before killed had any chance to chart a path. And was enraged killed for attempting the early launch but we'd all encouraged him as a Miata and included And in truth we were all exhausted from 12 hours of what most His love laughingly called a surf toil one of the rare jokes among the Russians that even sledge and I could get also the last laugh we'd have for awhile he crashed the module and rebounded off solar panel v. Snapped off an antenna and then claimed disastrously against the dense exterior tile glued to the video feed like teenagers watching a horror film we saw the module tumble on breakthrough yes the Chinese mines then flare and vanish honestly I do think by then killed the shot has had in his hands and could have reversed the course if he hadn't been so despondent at the earlier impacts Mission Control would delete this prayer parenthetical before releasing this letter addy again fellas. Excess compost to underside a little plastic waste to irredeemably shameful diapers and to the module itself the flue of mute to fire another warning if we needed it to recalibrate or build dk daily like flossing. I joke to keep your attention during the dry technical passages my dear darling distractable chase I don't think anyone thought to inspect the dens interior for damage until we smelled the antifreeze as skunks reeks bridging spreading through Northern Lights tiny atmosphere it was misty Slav who had the foresight her mostly sealed the Dan and then insist we don oxygen masks and investigate forget for now any damage to the interior we were predisposed to concern ourselves with the rocket ships whole every space man's concern by the time we reached the den we'd lost ledge somewhere but their meaning 5 of us went in wearing masks and discovered the rocket antifreeze line spewing turquoise blobs which floated and shattered to paint every surface of the dense interior musty slums I'm yacht and clamps the line then fresh off our surf toil in the greenhouse we space janitors now set the scrubbing and sponging and wringing the blue goo into containers a task much like the pursuit of Dr Seuss's who black I still want to have children with you chase at the finish our uniforms were coated most of champion of this episode reasonably pointed out that any drop of the pollutant we exported from the dead was destined for circulation and ultimately our mucous membranes our bloodstreams so we stripped and trashed the clothes picture us 5 floating nudists in oxygen masks ragged with the tea and degrees of shock squeezing glass beads of antifreeze from our hair don't be jealous they've seen me naked before anyway on our present diet I'm struck into a 10 year old's gaunt outlines not exactly turning hads my periods of stop too and yes again I still want to have children with you chase. At last and ignoring various bruises and scrapes that 1st aid protocols would have had us tend immediately we all slunk away to our various hidey holes each just wrap ourselves to a wall for some desperately needed sleep starved as we were I don't think anyone emerged for 10 hours or more I won't tell you what sledge was up to in the interval while describes the Dan I'm too tired even admitting that I can't imagine having grit in and out now that Mission Control will release too much of this report still when our media digest packet turns up there's always so much demand for a scrawny band with so many technical transmissions in line ahead of anything personal that the packet is usually delayed a week or 2 I'm startled how many columns they devote to us how fascinating can we really be they'll forget us soon if practically forgotten ourselves that's why I rely on you chase to believe in me as I drift you anchor me in reality on Earth and Manhattan where you sit reading this perhaps in that fake French coffee shop is it really called 7 our fair with the amazing Allman croissants you pretend to allow yourself only once or twice a month but in truth devour at least twice a week that's where I picture you chase with powdered sugar on your fingers as you open mission controls over night on for loop the sugar on your lips and fingers and possibly on your nose to that sweet dust as me you're astronaut your last or not your Janice I was the 1st letter from November 4th he talks a decent amount about how most of it probably wouldn't be published and I guess a lot more of it was published and she thought would she would be November 14th dearest chase. I've got some good news and some bad news ha ha ha ha ha imagine please my convulsive laughter I read this opening line aloud to some Yatta who happens to be running on a treadmill in the room as I type this letter to you and he found it that's hilarious as I did moments like these are all we have to savor any more please don't begrudge them the good news surely he will have read in the newspaper and perhaps even seen on some cable news station except I can't or can't for one instant imagine you bothering with cable television last I recall you were searching for your remote and failing to find it then accusing the housekeeper of hiding it in a drawer or throwing it out we survived the space walk to repair the tile damage and kill dishes botched module launch better than survived the space walk was a thrilling success I myself was even the heroine in the of the incident and Northern Lights will carry on to drift on Morden orbit for another day or month or however long until we are rescued or choose to destroy ourselves by a deliberate collision with the Chinese mines which I suspect could happen any minute now especially if I'm judging the captains and killed his moods correctly but part of me I was telling you the good news ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Suffice to say no straws were drawn because no one wanted to see sludge anywhere near the airlock are kept in the search of the leadership he's so lately so abrogated tapping myself and killed least for the walk missed his love and some yachting for on board mission guidance and inventing some kind of make work for sledge which he did or didn't get done something back in the greenhouse something to do with Misty Slavs doomed reclamation project involving the leaf cutter b.s. Those expert pollinators we've been ignoring our b.s. . I find myself unwilling to bother with the technical stuff which I'm certain makes your eyes glaze over such labors as the 48 hours of the walks mission preparation entailed or where some enough to get through let alone describe for a bored boyfriend and how preparations a poor bird nothing had or could have prepared myself for the sensations that overcame us upon the jacketing from the airlock essentially a falling like Wile e. Coyote off a cliff into a bottomless well of darkness and a silent velocity we are soaring atoms chase that's what orbit consists of the inhuman hastening of infinitesimal spec like bodies there were an awesome indifferent void yet in our cramped homely craft its room's name to recall childhood comforts with our blobs of toothpaste drifting between our brushes in the mirror our farts and how ptosis filling the chambers with odor we've defaulted to an illusion of substance inside Northern Lights we've managed to kid ourselves that we exist that were courageous or lumpy or angular bristling with hair and a snot taking up a certain amount of room and that space and time have generally accorded a margin in which were invited to operate these sizeable greedy bodies of ours a margin in which to reside to hang out and live in our pale stinky stories the space walk destroyed all that no wonder Mission Control has tried to keep this from ever being necessary Oh the lie of weightlessness we only feel worth loading because we're forever falling as in an elevator with no bottom floor to impact and so inside the elevator the human party continues oblivious the writers flirt and complain and make 0 g. Cocktails. Leafcutter b.s. Outside the ship are consoling. Elevators walls dissolved killed were 2 specks falling forever specks streaming down the face of the night ourselves plummeting downward to the gassy blue or the gassy blue or Also plummeting at the same matter right away from us well after clinging to our telescopic guide rods in a ride of metaphysical horror for upward of 20 minutes our eyes locked on each other as well as a Miata and mistress love gently back and our ears to explain please why we weren't moving a muscle to make the need to repairs to the tile healed myself completely mute we finally managed to bluff ourselves into taking one step into the void and then another until like a brain lock in Tama tongs we began executed the commands we'd rehearsed the repair consisted of little beyond the clipping of a hangnail of tile and the application of a sealant think crazy glue to the gash the Mr wrecked it boggle had carved into the dense upper sill one credible signal dish was judged irretrievable we detached it and let it spin off down toward the minefield I think it got through the reward being of course emulation upon reaching the atmosphere a small blessing of fire sent down your direction much Aisling my heroism such as it was lay in persuading poor keeled ish who after seeing the dish spiral away pooped his drawers and reverted to panic clinging to the tile in a bear hug to free himself from the ship's exterior and let the guide rod telescope him home to safety I had to whisper and killed his private channel for another 5 minutes or so the others on the ship all stymied waiting for us to budge before I got him to go. Now love for the bad news a few days after the spacewalk most useless and his Due to fall away is keeping the whole place running schedule check ups are both myself and. Every team caution we generally neglected for Sue long we both came up clean for effects from the walk but most just love seemed puzzled by my white blood cell profile we ran a few successive days counts just to be sure we had a meaningful sample mostly trying not to say what he feared he was on the trail of me gamely offering various bogus notions of human physiology a female physiology. A female physiology reacting differently to the greenhouses oxygen deprivation joking the most had gone too long without a lady patient eventually our efforts devolved to a sit down from the other for the other handling medical questionnaire. Narrating me through a series of self exams and a drill we'd packed us on the ground but hoped never to see put to use none of us much like dwelling on the slow erosion of our bodies in this environment bone density decay the pale starved skeletons of substitute of our old selves I liked even less what most guided me toward acknowledgement that I'd been managing an uncanny pain in my right foot storage for weeks at least Do you remember I said I was having problems with cramping that cramp was a tumor chase funny. You should have seen the looks of the on the Russians faces and slagged even slagged I think they realize too late that I was a sort of mascot here there woman the whole Mother Earth thing unavoidable now a good luck charm with cancer not to say you know we don't all still hate one another. That was yesterday I'll know more soon but I doubt I'll be able to much delay a leak to the media and I wanted to tell you before you learned by other means oh this is going to be a mess this is going to be hell the whole the onset of my flinty tone along with so much else a soft tissue sarcoma might apparently drain the excell Taishan from one's prose remember please remember the Chinese garden at the mat but unlikely bit of outdoors indoors you shouldn't feel so expansive yet somehow it does my favorite place in Manhattan I think remember that we went there together chase that I already asked this on one of our one of our 1st days in New York we were so tired and drunk on the sense of recognition of those early days of our love and we meandered into the mat not with any plan and the suffocating heaviness of those endless European oil paintings made us drowsy and we escaped I never remember the path exactly always have to rediscover it to the Chinese Garden Court and we're nearly alone there and anyway the gurgling of the water and the rustling of the grasses the bamboo seemed to cover any human sound and we lay down there on the stone that had been his will doubt and shipped from its anxious source and no guard troubled us and soon with our heads tipped together on that dark slate we fell coolly asleep those for who knows how long do you remember chase I remember too and we woke and turned to look into the pool beside our hads and you thought you saw this little black darting goldfish type fish but it was only the reflection of my glasses a black shimmering reflected shape that had separated for an end stunned from the reflection of my hat and from the rest of my glasses and seemed to separate darting thing a fish or a tadpole. Please remember chase remember please remember I adore you have 2 restoral Saint my angel wandering Aves I'm your cancerous angel a draft and it's it is just about time for me to remind you that you're listening to the or worse garden on caged c.x. F.m. Conway Arkansas and I am reading letters sent from astronaut Janice Trumbull to her fiance chase and 7 men all of which can be found if pretty much I think if you just look up lost or not you'll find it to give both of us a break from my voice I'm going to play a. Soothing song by one of my favorite artists if it will. But see this is lost in space by Aimee Mann. That was lost in space by Aimee Mann and tonight I'm reading letters sent from astronaut Janice Trumbull to her fiance Jason Statham man which can be found by googling Gloucester not December 18th my darling case now comes the winter of my discombobulation of course we have no winter here it's always cold out and filthy hot sweaty moist oxygen less inside but hey who knows the page is flying off the calendar Santas loading his sleigh Opi gets through the minefield Ok. We've reverted to believing in Santa chase Don't tell me different St Nick is one of the cultural touchstones up here something's legend dying the Russians can all get behind whereas Eboni in t. Ferry are 2 American apparently and scamper up and it's comprised terra incognita As-Is come to think of it Tara but we believe in mythical things here like Earth and Santa After all we have invisible enemies c o 2 cancer gravity so hack why not invisible friends each bout of chemo is worse than the last my days days a dose cycle of recovery until I'm strong enough to suck the poison again during my latest bouts of helplessness I've been installed in the nursery which in a kind of moron pond has become a sick room and everyone's a bored never want to boards a nurse now all too adept at tapping one of my veins and inserting an i.v. Not to mention swapping my puke from where it's tripped into into my hair and so on I suppose we're enjoying a faint resurging of solidarity at last so being Mission Control psych sack gastric guidelines that we gather for meals and meetings every other day the captain is a captain again his melancholic depression no contest for my cancer yes I feel like a winner chase I may have bought a lottery ticket out of here as it happens and once in a while Keeley or the captain can't keep from peering at me with a sympathy that includes a trace of morbid fascination at the strange journey I've managed to undertake from within our orbiting status and perhaps even envy possible that's a nation. Has to devote an attending physician ever to reveal such a sentiment and some yachtsman the angry cosmonaut. So I looked over this for curse words but some of them I accidentally miss so I'll just skip. It's almost as if I've broken a pledge we've made 2000 and other and to our audience on earth that we'd live here forever mascot's futility most astonishing of all though has the effect on poor sledge the dawning science of this transformation required to circumstance with giving so much of his time to my care the greenhouse was neglected worse than usual I mean and so sledge began to grope his way out of the attic back into a share of his old duties tending the wheat grass and cabbages and hives as if he'd never abandoned them and really producing some miraculous results sledge is a more instinctive and sympathetic garner the most of something we all perhaps even sledge I've forgotten without even appearing to try his or versed a degree of the c o 2 slide he's also a better cook the 2 roles are intertwined he offers me broth of freshly harvested sweet potato greens and baby bok choy and though the air we breathe in here is itself a kind of broth I sip them gratefully there's more they'll say he's got some kind of vampiric Jones for suffering but sludge has become a tender companion in my worst hours vigilant over my fevers and entertainer when I can bear company whether in Stoicism or a still a day we had long since quit sharing personal stories up here but during quiet hours when everyone else is sleeping in the toxins inflaming my veins won't let me rest sledge has been distant burdening to me tales of collegiate mayhem in the Pacific Northwest at Evergreen college. How he made his way 1st and with those blustery sunburned hippie biology majors than here is a patriotic doom with me in the Russians God only knows if half the amount of crystal meth and 3 some c. Claims and is useful in his youthful annals are factual sleepy old sledge truly belonged in the Warhol factory never underestimate anybody chase I think you often do I know my foolish darling how you like to root for improbable heroes on unlikely quests so make you party to a secret sled has been sneaking leave cutter be out of the greenhouse one at a time in a mason jar it is wild theory that there stings immunize against cancer and so once or twice a day on top of my official poisons I roll up a parent's leg and allow sledge to bully a bee into injecting its venom into my shin the dead bees he then lines up on the nurseries door jamb facing outward there are dry little feet x. The affixed with rubber cement so they won't draft 15 or 20 now keeping vigil Why not if the Russians have noticed they've said nothing I'm sparing you sparing us both my pining Eve Evocations refusing this time to rhapsodize on your behalf a tied for pastry the slightly ashy skin of your ear lobes and the days spent failing to rouse ourselves beyond our bedroom threshold or other days wandering museums gazing in indoor fountains startled by the sight of our own innocent faces and rippling pools none of this if I beckon you to remember me chase I fear you'll slip to some image of another for I suspect I'm beginning to dissolve can barely remember myself anymore but I remember you chase I really do I see you before me like that mute Greek chorus of be. Your last one Janice. January 8th see severed foot disposal in a pocket biosphere is really a daft problem one I hope you never need face love we considered Arawak each action a sailor's funeral but to send my pedal appendage spinning down to earth or worse yet to trigger a mine seemed to floor it flamboyant a bit of a Flom bag and not in the least flame retardent even if we wrapped it in a foil boot if we had a 1000 feet among us and millipedes applied to lop off and defenestrate maybe we'd kick our way out of this crate so we opted for a somber burial in the greenhouse under the shade of the tallest of the mangroves though in truth it meant a slightly watery grave after all it's just seeping up through the muck to swallow the foot bubbles of mud attacking and floating among us during our tiny foot sized ritual observances sludge having scooped up the dead bees from the shelf in the nursery embedded these in the gunk to form a ring of be emissaries the better to passport the foot into whatever afterlife it deserves he'll dish recited a poem in Russian most his thought made a joke about Google then we sealed up this weird stew which he's clearly he's cloth mash as we do the top rest of the topsoil to keep it from Scotland in the 0 g. Afterward back to work or to moping on our various private Nast's I'm not so much an occasion anymore for a nude Bonamy my element is another ambient backdrop now another machine falling apart with no parts to replace the scrapped ones another grim dispatch from the various quadrants of the deadly dull but not yet quite deadly enough condition our condition is in my cancer is a mood we all of us up here have our moods now a part of me will never touch earth again chase appy New Year. But Loose Jay before I move on to the next and last letter I want to point out. Sledge burying the dead to be as along with the foot that's such a nice touch. On a previous week my 1st poetry week I think I read a poem here telling the bee. That kind of exemplifies this tradition of Whenever something happens in the household whether it's a marriage or birth or death you have to go tell the bees because otherwise they might get startled or they might leave and or death in particular it was thought that was especially good idea because Bees have this connection with death so for sledge to bury them with Genesis foot it's a nice image anyway I should say you were listening to the orb Steiner on Accept them Conway Arkansas I'm your d.j. Slash your companion slash for tonight let her narrator through Skelton and I'm reading Lost astronaut Janice Trumbull's letters to chase and Stedman which you can find if you Google last or not and I should probably mention at this point that they're actually written by Jonathan Lethem in his book Chronic City but for tonight's purposes this was written by Janice Trumbull March 19th c. Forgive the glib shows I typed in the dark but screens back lighting shot to one of the lead cutter bees is crawling on my face drinking sweat hard not to interpret it as a mosquito in swatted away but the stink of inside it and I've had my requisite bee stings for the week already. Evolve taking to negotiating the slight lists humid labyrinth and bare feet or bare foot in my case mostly in underwear and poor pajamas if we had little enough motivation to impress one another with personal grooming before the last is gone and when I wedged my one foot below killed his counsel to read to write me this letter I stirred some growth both vine tangled and a multi and uprose the vivid unmistakable smell of fresh unfiltered apple cider the kind of the symbol label from Vermont or Connecticut it can't possibly be apple cider it's been a wild chase but I won't apologize now for that I've got more to tell than all manage systems began to mount a falling one failure catalyzing another mid February and some point killed each persuaded us to create a rotation of diagnostic maintenance shutdowns isolating each in turn climate navigation communications orbital tracking plumbing and so on hardly attractive but no one came up with a credible plan b. Everything went swimmingly somewheres or treacherous what I'd give for a swim until the last time we switched off the central core light banks 10 days ago now and they wouldn't come back on they still haven't picked your Russian flipping a switch repeatedly frowning in the dark we're rationing the backup generators delegated functions so we're down to what illumination sledges by a spectrum grow lights can shed as he places them here and there a farmer rotating crops throughout the station killed each warns this may be our last communications packet he scheduled us each a one hour session on the saw functioning keyboard no luxury writer writer's block today. While more I was low we have a kind of camaraderie at last I suppose a similar piece may be gained by prisoners sharing death row this is no time for settling scores However I want it on record right here and now that I never ever stole anything from the fridge anyone else's leftovers or the captain's birthday cake though black humor is the only functioning humor here I didn't quite have the nerve to ask if I could take keyboard our I suspect it will go on used a symbolic silent communication an aria of cosmic no music to foreshadow of the coralled the rest of us will soon chime in with some ya didn't come command sorry some yachting commandeered a landing module and kamikaze themself out of the airlock yesterday as expected he sparked one of the Chinese mines making a tiny missing tooth in the dynamite smile that pins us on the far side of home no one was certain what more was wrong when clocks on sounded but keel Dejan venturi the missing ladder and on doing a head count and finding z. Absent we rush to the library south window which gives a panorama of earth through a coil a coil lace veil of minds a view we usually avoid just in time to see him flare and burn we cheered wildly It isn't as those a Miata as big could be whitewashed as anything other than suicide he'd been he'd have been baked Alaska on a re-entry in Earth's atmosphere even if he had negotiated the mine lair that would have been a purely symbolic triumph where this we could call taking one for the team and then there were 5. Our remaining lives are in sledges hands what little remains of them I suppose our remains will be in his hands too in the sense that the whole of Northern Lights is being given over to the gardens now expanded from the greenhouse to wherever sludge can get something green to cling or take root and get busy swapping our exhaled breath for something worth inhaling so when this last brave stand collapses and we expect Ca to insert in one collective heap will be no one left to give us interest cellar funerals instead will rot in the dark mossy grotto we have left behind at least we no longer fear starvation as ledges always ladling up some horrible fruity or Rudy sto stew there's plenty of spare biomass to consume now that flood has been invited to turn the whole station into a throbbing wet garden the irony is a rich fact in the infinite cold of space we bake like Russian mafia you see in a steam room technology expelled us from Earth's garden and then having shot its wad gardening is left to take over similarly runaway growth is eating me from within yet sledge encourages a runaway growth that may prolong my life allowing me to die longer the station has a kind of cancer we smell it in the corridors everywhere and trip over new growth every time we touch our blind appendages to the walls as a girl chase I always to get tubers and tumors confused Ordinarily I'm exempt from my turn helping sledged fact shift his banks and grow lights from one position to the next but one day recently I was feeling vital and bored enough to give it a go in 0 g. The task doesn't involve any lifting obviously and even a one footed lady can be useful nudging the arrays around corners and helping sledge reorient them in a new zone. Sometimes in all this dark it's pleasant to cling to those few yellowish lights to this day sledge confessed to me the basis of his mastery of indoor aquaculture he once singlehandedly read the most profitable indoor marijuana farm on the whole island of Manhattan the operation was tucked inside a 4 room apartment on the Upper East Side unknown not only to the authorities kept off the set by a scent by a laboratory rerouted utility accounts the massive electrical bills thrown to other addresses like a fridge went like a ventriloquist voice into a dummies body but even the closest neighbors who regarded as an innocent forgettable fellow tenant in the large an anonymous building sled described it generously the rooms teeming to the ceilings with Buddah green but heavy green stocks the floor cabled water sprinkles the walls lined with foil reflectors to maximize the ripening of facts of the solar spectrum lamps the stereo chattering n.p.r. Talk radio to cover the drone of the daylight time daytime light banks and classical music to give the plants a cultural heritage through the cool damp night and one large closet he kept what he calls the mother plant a grotesquely thickened and practically pulsing rope of marijuana from which he clone a seedlings a fine tuned specimen of t.h.c. The result he spiced from her was the highest high end one toke dupe or so he bragged it made himself and several confederates wealthy from the operation before paranoid including triggered a violent 2 day fit in which he completely disassembled the farm and eradicated its traces it was those skills and now turned our once shiny space station into a steamy green bacteria funky long. I suppose I am sledges mother plant the improbable thing he keeps alive in an unnatural cramped space I don't know why I'm wasting so much of my keyboard time paraphrasing sledges tale as sex except that it was as if I had visited the place myself we're prone to transporting visualisations now in our darkness station not to mention vivid all factory hallucinations like the apple cider presently rising to my nostrils the Russians talk about the childhoods incessantly when they talk at all most of Breit drifting in the dark like a dreamer in a sensory deprivation tank has spontaneously offered several wistful accounts of cutting his bare foot on a sickle while pursuing a goat and while we've many creatures roaming the station now the greenhouse doors have been thrown open I'm fairly certain there is no goat on our roster for me it isn't juvenile pastoral To which I revert but moments between us chase daydream flashes I prefer not to believe I've cobbled out of wishful thinking in damp air did you know we can't even properly gaze at the stars now our breath fogs any window we turn to we are moisture chase we are returning to do I know I've got a lot of gall questioning your existence when it's mine that's so transparently dubious or dubiously transparent or something but you never write you never call ha ha ha so each time I roam the corridors of the mat in my imaginings seeking that Chinese garden where our cool thrilling bird like kisses were exchanged finding better ways of stone and fern in the sky light now in my head the c.r. Twinned reflections in the rippling pool there the museum and the Chinese garden and the mirror of water growing clearer and clearer while you begin to pale I see only myself and the shimmer beside me. You're nothing now but an urgent elusive talisman an object glimpsed but on scene a fish's lure in the deep a reason to go on living and I do that Chase at someone's command and I prefer to believe it is yours my friend I go on living love the way I was the last letter that Janice Trumbull ever center fiance or at least the last one that she. Sent the 1st time didn't die I'll be honest I expected it to take a little longer to read that than I It turned out to you so we have 10 minutes for me to probably play you 2 songs I don't have a particular reason to pair the s. With. Sorry I'm pulling them up while I'm talking to pair these with Janice tramples letters which if you missed my thing before are from the novel Chronic City by Jonathan Lethem but I don't know I want to Evan think about them recently and they're just good songs so to bring us into our final 10 minutes this is Brothers on a hotel that I Death Cab for Cutie. A . You're. By. Me try. This on her son. I'm not who are used to be. No long term easy on me all That was brothers on a hotel bad I Death Cab for Cutie and to close out the night I'm going to play a miss miss by Gregory in the hot but 1st I feel obligated to tell you at least a little bit about chronic cities as I did just read from so much of it. It focuses on Janice Trumbull's fiance Jason study men and what I read her letters are. All the ways that she appears in the book he doesn't show up all that much and Ashley plays a very significant role as you can probably guess. But it actually focuses most on cases new friend purchased tooth it's a great book with a very bizarre feeling to it it just takes place in Manhattan but you don't quite feel like it's real as do many of the characters in the book at some point everyone in the city just starts smelling chocolate everywhere no matter where they go there's just this overwhelming sense of chocolate or maple or it has some kind of sweet smell except for purpose to Chase's new friend and a couple other people who are processing the same thing as a sort of high pitched ringing noise this is the book is full of stuff like that that gives that this weird sort of supernatural feeling to it while still taking place in Manhattan and making constant references to the real world or the semi real world such has not bits which replace Muppets in the book anyway I hope you enjoyed the reading Janice's letters this is been the or Bora Steiner I am sure Skelton hope you have a wonderful night this is Miss mess by Gregory in the Hawk. For. You're listening to cage d.x. F.m. Conway Arkansas a voice that. So here's the thing it's 8 pm Monday night normally this is when you'd be hearing.