Watching. Thanks to all of you here for coming. Thanks for braving the heat dome to be here. Have you heard about that . Its a new weather phenomenon, causing unusually high temperatures, expected to get up to 115 degrees in some states. So, dont go to some of those states. And the fear is that the heat dome will turn into a thunder dome, and well have to turn to mad max to help us. And president obama writing, drink water, stay out of the sun, and check on your neighbors. Can you imagine checking on your neighbors in los angeles . And donald trump tweeting, the sun is the worst. Hot, lazy, stupid, the sun is a big fat loser. In cleveland tonight, donald trump officially accepted the republican nomination after almost a full week of people kissing his ass, he finally kissed himself. Throwing make America Great tshirts into the crowd, not really, but its kind of believable, right . When he finished his speech, they dropped 125,000 balloons, poor Chris Christie spent all day blowing them up. Theres a group of loyal fans huddled together, waiting for the big orange gourd to appear. Began with a speech from scott baio, and went downhill from there. Its a big i mean the big drama last night came courtesy of senator ted cruz, who chose not to endorse donald trump, even though they let him give a speech. This is how the trump family reacted to that. They should make that their christmas card. There were a lot of boos for ted cruz. How dare he . One of the reasons he didnt voice his support for trump, he reportedly has plans to run for president again in 2020. Why not, it went so well this time. And dr. Ben carson apparently does not have similar aspirations. Theyre saying ted cruz wants to run again in 2020. Have you made any decisions along those lines . Yes. I have no intention of running for Public Office again. I wouldnt have done it this time had it not been for the tremendous outcry of the people. There were . Who were these people . It was a good day for ben carson. He just signed a deal to be the new face of tylenol p. M. But theres a side feud emerging from the rnc. Between bill oreilly and Montel Williams. At the last minute, he backed out. We were supposed to have Montel Williams, but he walked out in a huff, right . And the producer tells me he was mad about some gay thing. Do you know what the gay thing i dont think what it was. Does anybody know what gay thing upset Montel Williams . Jimmy no, but i want to know. By the way, gay thing would be a great new marvel superhero. Make the four really fantastic. A major adult film purveyor says that adult film viewing is up 400 , skyrocket ed ahead of usual viewing cities in cleveland. Wh and mcdonalds and starbucks says they plan to block pornographic websites. Where am i supposed to watch it now . Maybe mcdonalds plans to bring it back like the mcrib or the shamrock shake. While some restaurants are taking porn off, some are bringing it back. All you can eat pancakes are back, with an extra helping of all you can watch porn. Only 2. 99 all day, every day. You say its your birthday . Stop in and enjoy a rooty tooty spank your booty stack. Its the summer of ihop. Come hungry, leave horny. Jimmy this is my favorite character at the convention this week. Ivanka trump, she will be the one who does the introductory speech on thursday night, when hes due to accept the nomination. Jimmy thats donald trump super fan jake byrd, he got a shout out on twitter from the new york times, a man celebrated at the convention that hes the man. The wall street journal tweeted a photo of him, too. He was all over the place. They didnt know that jake was with us. They sent a camera with him, and he made quite a splash, well see that next. But first, its thursday night, time to bleep and blur the big tv moments whether they needed it or not. Its this week in unnecessary censorship. This is who we are. Governors and doctors, ceo, and hog [ bleep ]ers. Ladies and gentlemen, donald trump is a [ bleep ]er and i know he will [ bleep ] this country. We remain focused on one thing. This beautiful [ bleep ] that we love so much. My 2yearold grandson has a longer [ bleep ] than donald trump. I am not in the habit of supporting people that [ bleep ] my wife. America is no longer lee eer, but rather [ bleep ] from behind. Open your mouth wide, and i will [ bleep ] it. My fellow republicans, when donald trump becomes president of the United States of america, the [ bleep ] will be huge. Jimmy all right. Were going to take a break. When we come back, jake byrd at the Republican National convention. So, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] 3, 2, 1 [whispered rocket] since the beginning of time, there never seemedre is. To be enough of it. People try to beat time. Ahhhhh but time always wins. Our greatest fear is running out of time. Theres a bomb in the salsa can we gotta get out of here my phone is still charging so if time is the most valuable thing there is, why would you waste more than you have to charging your phone . Ahhhhhhhh the galaxy s7 edge, with fast wireless charging, and our longest lasting battery. Starbucks® cold brew coffee. Available in original black. And now with housemade vanilla sweet cream. Smooth meets sweet. In stores now. Only at starbucks. The ford freedom sales event is on with our best offers of the year im free to do what i want. And 0 financing is back on a huge selection of ford cars, trucks and suvs. Plus get an extra 1000 smart bonus on specially tagged vehicles. Thats freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with ford. Americas best selling brand. Im free, baby now get 0 financing plus a 1000 smart bonus cash on specially tagged vehicles. Only at the ford freedom sales event. Feel free. Wait no my computer, no, wait, what are we running after . My stupid, old computer. Well if its so old, why are you chasing it . Is it slow . Weigh a ton . Yeah. Well you know. I know. Todays pcs are faster and lighter, i know. So why are we still running . I dont know. You know about it. Now do something about it. Upgrade to a new pc. Oh, charley horse, charley horse. Call for help, call for help. Help, help [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. As you know, the Republican National convention wrapped up on t tonight. The most passionate supporter of donald trump is our friend jake byrd. He tried to make friends and file this very special report. Hey, its jake byrd, here in cleveland, home of the rock roll hall of fame, and the cleveland cavaliers. Lets go i love your hat. Its all happening its really happening its really happening im from chino, california, right on the mexican border. Texas, thats on the mexican border, too. Were both getting a wall against illegal immigration, but also against the drug cartels coming across the boarder. I dont think people understand that. Trump supporters arent against mexicans. Heres what happened, juan the pool guy said he needed a place, i need to get him out of the house so i can get back in the s house. We need him out. I dont know this gentleman. Id be happy to talk to you later if youd like. Yeah, we can get together later. Who are you most excited to see at the convention . I already saw him, ted cruzs father. That was it. Hes the one that killed john f. Kennedy, right . Mr. Trump understands that we have power through might. Hes a wonderful negotiator, and hes going to be awesome. If something bad is happening, hes standing at a urinal, he can just tuck it back in and go. And hillary clinton, shes going to be like, im wiping im wiping come on, we got to go im wiping over here. Im wiping. Thats why we need donald trump. Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye. And the health of our country. Charles in charge. Charles in charge of our nights and our womens reproductive rights. You did it, scott. That was beautiful. Nothing says the future like an actor from the 70s that played a guy from the 50s. Scott baio. I would have picked you. Hes hilarious. I love this guy. Chicken parm. Chicken parm. Whoo oh, my gosh, its him its him i ive got to stay up for this. Its my great honor to present the next first lady. Yes yes oh, my god, she received him. She received him. Donald trump is ecstatic about cleveland. He loves cleveland. He loves cleveland, talks about it in his book, think big and kick ass. I was having some trouble with the crime family and had to get out of new jersey. I decided to hang out in cleveland. I said, whats good in town . He said, you have to try a cleveland steamer. He took me to the chocolate whistle stop. The smell was ungodly. Wow, what a bunch of freaks. See you guys. Oh, there you are. Oh, im sorry, i thought you were my mom. Im so sorry. [ cheers and applause ] they got the delegates they got the delegates its all happening, like in my dream it is my honor to be able to throw donald trump over the top in the delegate count tonight. 89 delegates its happening its happening [ cheers and applause ] thats our guy thats our donny thats our donny i did this. I did this. In my dreams. In my dreams, i made this happen pinch me its a dream, pinch me well, jake, you did it, buddy. What do you think don would say now . Ill tell you what donald without say. Your support has been huge [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks. We have a great show tonight. Colin hay is here, george lopez is here. And well be right back with Viggo Mortensen, so stick around [ cheers and applause ] report to kohls this weekend for sweet deals on back to school tees. Were talking graphic tees, striped tees, character tees lots of tees. Plus, any way you pay take an extra 15 percent off your purchase. Now thats the good stuff. Kohls. What position do you play . Quarterback. How about um yeah, i love coming up here. Because it is beautiful. And uh, it helps put things into perspective, you know . From my point of view, a big thing is the gasoline that i use. I find it pretty reassuring to know that no other gas can beat the cleaning i get from chevron with techron. Its engine cleaning that you really cant top. No gasoline cleans better than chevron with techron. Care for your car. Im sorry. Am i in your spot . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Tonight, hes a very funny guy with a new allstar tour called comedy get down. George lopez is here. Then, maybe the most underrated artist of the 80s. You know him from the band men at work. His latest album is called next year people. The great colin hay from the studio stage. Next week on the show, danny mcbride, david spade, andy garcia, greg kinnear, bryce dallas howard, ozzy and Jack Osbourne will be here, dana white from the ufc, and we will have music from prophets of rage, the gogos and the strokes. Our first guest tonight is a terrific actor whom you know from the lord of the rings trilogy and many films in which he doesnt wear chainmail. His new movie is called captain fantastic, its in theatres now. Please welcome Viggo Mortensen. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hows it going . I come bearing gifts. Jimmy thats nice. I wish more guests brought me gifts. Youre a mets fan. Jimmy i am, are you . This is tom seaver, 1972. Jimmy i had this card when i was a kid, and i think my mom threw it away. We used to flip these. Have you ever done that . Yes. Jimmy its like a nice entry into gambling. I guess i should show these to the audience. Is this darryl . Probably the man that looked the best in a baseball uniform. Jimmy i never imagined you as a baseball collecting kind of guy. I have soccer cards, baseball cards. Jimmy you dont have to apologize. And to bring it to today, david wright. Jimmy thank you very much. And this is my mom. Jimmy can i show her . Your mom played baseball, huh . Its not signed but its authentic. Jimmy my mom is an old lady. I have one more. I know the producers, some of them are here, from the movie. But this is a team i like. I grew up with, san lorenzo soccer team, argentina. Its not the team jersey, but its a jersey that i made. Jimmy you made this . On the occasion of the centennial in 2008. And i give them out to fans, i was going to give it to you in 2008. I was thinking maybe i would have been invited. Jimmy im very impressed by that. Better late than never. I washed this one. Jimmy wow, thats something else. All this stuff is very exciting. You this is a photograph that, now, this is your team. Whats the name . San lorenzo. Jimmy youre a season ticketholder. Where did you get the picture . Jimmy somebody gave it to me. Will you sign it and ill keep it with my baseball cards . Thats the look, during the shoot for captain fantastic. I look very serious, but we were playing for the championship of all latin america, which weve never won, and we won. Jimmy oh, yeah . This was at halftime, and it wasnt looking promising at that point. Jimmy and you decided to commemorate that dark moment. But we won. Jimmy thats pretty exciting. This movie captain fantastic, sounds like a superhero movie, but its not. Im going to be honest with you. I watched the first part of it, and it just stopped on me, and i spent the rest of the night cursing at my television. Tell everybody what the idea of this movie is. I play a father with a big beard. And six children. Jimmy yes. And we live in the middle of the forest, off the grid. And at the heart of it, its a road trip movie. We take a bus. An Old School Bus we converted into a lab, and study place, classroom. And we drive across the country to crash a funeral. A funeral of the kids mom. We were warned by the grandparents that i will be arrested if i go. But the kids convinced me that i should go. Jimmy its the old funeral crashing movie. Do you need to prepare to get into that mindset, live in the woods or do any of the stuff that actors tend to do . We had a boot camp where we did rock climbing, martial arts, had to skin a few goats. Jimmy did the goats know it was for a movie, were they excited . They were in the union, it was cool. Jimmy had you ever skinned a goat before . To be honest, it was actually sheep. Apologies to the goats. It was the two middle girls, it was a brood, three girls, three boys. The girls have to skin a deer. Its a family movie. It really is. Jimmy these little girls and audition for a movie. And by the way, you know the little animals that put you to sleep in storybooks . Imagine them with with no wool or flesh. I dont know if its in the contract. Heres your knife. I dont know. Thats a good question. Jimmy were going to take a break. When we come back, well show a clip from the movie. Its called captain fantastic. Viggo mortensen is here. [ cheers and applause ] and these are the lungs. boy sorry. dad dont worry about it. vo at our house, we need things that are built to last. Thats why we got a subaru. avo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Its gonna take a bit of work oh oh work nexium 24hfor their own 1 choice of docfrequent heartburn. S for complete protection all day and night make nexium 24hr your 1 choice. Starbucks® smallbatch cold brew coffee. In stores now. Kelloggs® frosted 8 layers of wheat. And one thats sweet. For the adult and kid in all of us. Kelloggs frosted miniwheats® feed your inner kidult at our Retirement Plan today. Not now im cleaning the oven yeah, im cleaning the gutters washing the dog washing the cat well im learning snapchamp chat. 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Two tasty croissants at an even tastier 4 price. Its a deal youll devour. William. That almost hit me if i wanted to hit you, i would have hit you. You just shot an arrow at me. You told me theyre in school. They are, leslie and i were their teachers. Youre teaching them to steal. That was part of their training. So youre training them to ste steal. Jimmy thats Viggo Mortensen in captain fantastic, in theaters now. I misspoke earlier. In the movie, there are seven kids. And the only digital thing in the movie, its not like the revenan revenan revenant, we had to remove one of the children, a lovely 4yearold girl, pink cheeks, curly hair, looked like shirley temple, this thing with the bow and arrow, a weird thing that Frank Langella brought to the part. He said, i cant do the scene unless i have my weapons. And i said, what does that mean . Were just talking, right . He says, im going to shoot, i have very good aim, i wont hurt them. But he was always walking around, sometimes shooting into the sky and running. He clipped one of the kids. Jimmy oh, no, he did not. He clipped the little redhead. He clipped shirley temple, shes fine now, but she wasnt able to continue with the production. So, its a very effective scene. Perhaps i shouldnt have told you. Jimmy perhaps, perhaps. Perhaps its not even really true. I cant even tell. I hope its not true. No. Jimmy sounds like the kids went through a lot. Do you know any other viggos . Its a danish name, its my dads name, sort of through the centuries, every first born male has that name, either as a middle name, its not common. When i was born, it was like calling your kid otto, oswald, hildegard. Now, theres a lot of little kids, i get, i think because of lord of the rings, people, because hes sort of a viking guy. Jimmy people want to name their children. Mostly, its animals, though. A lot of cats, a lot of ferrets. And mostly dogs. And mostly, like, dogs that are clearly, should i say, what would be correct . Unwanted. Oneeyed, threelegged. You know what i mean. Jimmy imperfect. Heres viggo, you know . Jimmy i dont know if you ever think about this, but you are americas favorite viggo. You are. And i dont know if you have business cards, but theres a danish connection on the new york mets, cindegaard. Jimmy you must love him, huh . The way you pronounce him in danish, completely different. It means farm of sin. Or farm of evil. Jimmy so, like really . Take another look at him. Jimmy thats going to be intimidating for the opposing batters. I wish wed known that in the world series last year. A good bit of baseball trivia from Viggo Mortensen. See captain fantastic in theaters right now. Well be right back with george lopez. [ cheers and applause ] oh. Modclarence event. Looks right to me. Shouldnt it be clear clearly. It is time to get a great deal and a reward card on this turbocharged jetta. Gotta make room for the 2017 models. It is a clarence event. Why is that so hard for people to understand . It seems clar to me. Clear to me. Ready for a test drive . Whatever you want to call it, dont miss the volkswagen model year end event. Hurry in for a 1,000 volkswagen reward card and 0 apr on a new 2016 jetta. Is depression more than sadness . Its a tangle of multiple symptoms. Trintellix vortioxetine is a prescription medicine for depression. Trintellix may start to untangle or help improve the multiple symptoms of depression. For me, trintellix made a difference. Tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. Trintellix has not been studied in children. Do not take with maois. Tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications to avoid a potentially lifethreatening condition. Increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin, or blood thinners. Manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. May cause low sodium levels. The most common side effects are nausea, constipation and vomiting. Trintellix did not have Significant Impact on weight. Ask your healthcare professional if trintellix could make a difference for you. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. Give extra. Get extra. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Our next guest is a very funny man, his new comedy get down tour is coming to your town, please say hello to george lopez. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its very good to see you. Have you been watching this convention, the Republican National convention . Oh, yeah, of course. Jimmy you like watching that stuff . Well, trump has said some very disparaging stuff about my people. Called us criminals and rapists, so when i see him, im going to rob him and [ bleep ] him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i never really said my plan before. Jimmy its a solid plan, a good platform. How can we pretend that Melania Trump speaks english . My husband, trying to this country doesnt mind accents, as long as theyre not mexican ones. You know Arnold Schwartzenegger jimmy that was the take they chose. Thats the one they used . What about when he had a baby with his maid, and he said it wasnt his baby. And the baby had the big forehead, and started talking mom, i want it now no, little arnold, now. Jimmy i swear i had this conversation this morning, i wonder if after arnold had sex with the maid, he made her make the bed . Well, she is the maid. She has a job to do. She shows up on friday, ill let you know tomorrow. Jimmy this is very interesting. I know you love golf, you play all over the country, all over the world. Donald trump owns a lot of golf courses. Do you ever run into him . I played with him, like nine years ago. We played on fathers day. It tells you what kind of fathers we both are. So, we play at a trump place in new jersey. Im waiting for him, hes not there. Im looking for cars. They say hes coming, im looking down the road. Theres a black dot in the sky. He lands on the driving range in his helicopter. The trump helicopter, the most impressive entrance anybody could have. We play golf, and he says, you want to stick around for lunch . And i said, yeah. Were stilling there, theres a Grilled Cheese sandwich, he has a big bratwurst, hes putting yellow mustard on. And we walk into the kitchen, all these little eyes started to appear at the window. When donald trump is sitting down, all these little latino chefs come out, they bring carnitas, rice, tortillas, corn and flour. And donald trump says, is this on the menu . They say, no, senor trump. Its george lopez. He says, when trump is here, i get a bratwurst. He says, when george lopez is here, he gets a buffet. And they said, mr. Trump, george lopez . I think thats the day he decided to do the wall. Jimmy thats when the spark came. Last time Anthony Anderson was here, we were talking about you, because you went on a golf trip. To hawaii. Jimmy anthony said you guys roomed together. Which seemed odd to me. It is odd. And anthony says to me, i think i got us a suite. Were staying together. You and me. Were grown men. He always gets there early to get the bigger room. Jimmy i see, of the two rooms. He got a room with a millipede in it, about six feet long. And i hear, ah grabbed my camera, hes chasing this millipede around. Jimmy we have it on video. [ screaming ] thats the sound you made. [ bleep ] jimmy look at the size of the monster in the bucket. Thats like a snake. And when we go to dinner, he acts the same way when they bring the check. Jimmy is anthony thrifty . Hes incredibly thrifty. Jimmy hes lost a lot of weight. He has, but hes a little bit diabet diabetic. One time, he was at my house, and i said, i got some desserts. He was like, im a diabetic. In the morning, they were all gone. Jimmy hes a hungry diabetic. You play golf, your group is anthony, don cheadle, and cheech marin is there. You have like a little Golf Tournament. Every year, we have a Golf Tournament called the brownie cup. You play nine holes completely sober, and on the ninth tee, you cut a brownie is half, and everybody eats the brownie. And you count every shot on the way in. Jimmy so, this isnt a duncan hines brownie. No, this is a medical marijuana brownie. And you drink a double vodka cranberry at the turn, and you get so high. Jimmy i bet. Were in the middle of the fairway, the 14th hole, and cheech is like, i think i saw the ball. I said, i hit the ball, and anthony is like, i think its over here. And cheech is like, i saw it go down in the middle. 25 minutes later, i put my hand in the pocket, im like, hey, man, i havent hit. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy this tour that youre on, why is it called the get down . It used to be called the black and brown comedy get down. And people said, why is it about race, and why is it only you . And i said, when you hire one of us, you do four jobs. So, we decided to call it the comedy get down. Jimmy whos on the tour . Myself, cedric the entertainer, d. L. Hughley, charlie murphy, and eddie griffin. Jimmy eddie, hes a crazy guy, right . Hes crazy. Drinks champagne and patron. That will make you crazy. Jimmy is it fun . Not one show in the year and a half has started on time. [ laughter ] and they drag me down with them. [ laughter ] im there at 5 00 p. M. , im getting ready, making carnitas, tacos. And im on stage, i was like, i was on time until i started to work with black people. Its hard to be late, you got a clock on your phone, your watch, your iphone. In the old days, it was on the microwave, youre like, push clear. Oh jimmy go see george live this summer on the comedy get down tour. Thanks, george. Well be right back with colin hay. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy id like to thank my guests. And apologize to matt damon. We ran out of time. Nightline is next. But first, his album is called next year people. Here with the song if i had been a better man, colin hay [ cheers and applause ] there were kings and queens and could have beens and pretenders to the throne i was a sweet contender then now my seeds theyve all been sown i scorched the earth behind me i could have made a better plan if i had been a better man my promises were not to keep but thrown into the dirt there must be more i told myself as i buttoned up my shirt well i could paint myself in glory now and be proud of who i am if i had been a better man stumbling through deep suburbs in my mind as secrets of silence unwind i will sing you so long now only love only love makes me strong your charity i took as mine i claimed it as my own i followed my ascending star to far away from home i was mesmerized by shiny things now in frozen time i stand if i had been a better man now im kneeling and im digging deep deep into the ground im searching for my soul to keep like a buried treasure found in dreams i speak in ancient tongues lost in wind and sand if only i had been a better man if i had been a better man if i had been a better man [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was great. Thank you. Thank you. Colin hay, everyone. Good night. Very nice. This is nightline. Tonight, trump, with his family by his side, accepting his partys nomination, painting a bleak picture of america. Plus, being trump. How did he go from businessman to reality star to president ial nominee . From growing up in queens, new york, to his time in military school, to the building of an empire. And, shakeup at fox
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