This is the beginning of a very big week for us here at the show. We have some very big named guests including donald trump on wednesday and Bernie Sanders on thursday. By friday morning, i could be the presumptive Vice President for both major parties. [ applause ] jimmy we have a great show for you tonight. Johnny depp is here tonight on the program. [ applause ] jimmy he was here. Now youve scared him away. Also to chat and sing for us on hollywood boulevard, pink is here with us. This is an exceptionally important night here at abc. Earlier we had a fresh new season of the bachelor et as we try to spread hpv throughout the land. The new bachelorette is joe joe. Tonight she met 26 men and had to widl it down. Usually they widl them down by their jobs. A realtor or personal trainer. Thats most of their jobs. But some of them dont seem to work at all. Thats a great kind of guy to set someone up with in the first place. Jo jo, this is dale, and if it works out, youll be paying for his denneinners in. When they dont have a job, they give them a title. Like brandon. His job appears to be hip center. Parents must be proud. This is danielle. His job is canadian. A lot of canadians go pro. I read his bio. Daniel, i learned, doesnt have any tattoos on his body for the same reason you dont put stickers on a lambo. Which would be funny if he was kidding, but i dont think he is. This contestant is listed as a bachelor super fan. Thats code for gay, right . I mean, the best job title, the best one is evan, a former pastor who now helps people in a different way. Im a director who helps men who have erectile dysfunction and it really helps people. They blurred the guy. Why would they let them film him in the first place . We have a special device that can reveal the true identity of any scrambled head you see on tv. Lets fire it up. I help men who have erectile dysfunction and low testoster e testosterone. Its a hard business. Its driaining, but it helps people. There you go. Are you feeling better you . Was evan able to help . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy sometimes he doesnt know what hes shooting and then he finds out after. People who watch the bachelor watch with a lot of passion. Kind of like the way guys watch sports. Last night i was watching the show with my wife. Shed Say Something and id say what, shed say wasnt talking to you. We were the only two people in the house. She was talking to the tv set. We had a fight about it. I said, i cant tell if youre talking to me or the show, so dont talk to the show. She said im not physically capable of not talking to the tv during the bachelorette. Emotions were running very high, and this goes on with a lot of people. Even the bachelorette, it turns out she watches the show just like you. Oh, i want they want to get married. Do not kiss him. He is not there for the right reasons. Oh, she wants him. Nice tie. Go hang yourself with it. Oh, shes not even into him. Put a shirt on. She doesnt even know what to do right now. She doesnt even know what to do right now because his tongue is going crazy. That is so sweet. [ bleep ] all of you guys. Oh, what a cheese ball. This girl is an idiot. Oh, my god. I hate this show. Oh, i love this show. Oh, god. Oh, uhhuh. Uhuh. [ laughter ] send his ass home. Dont pick him. No. No. No. Dont give him the rose. No, jo jo, jo. Dont give she gave him the rose. [ bleep ]. Jimmy you tell yourself, jo jo. So its time now for me to put my bachelor powers to the test. I should be honest and say its my wifes powers. My wife molly correctly picked three of the four last winners on the day of the premier. Once she picked it just from the photo they provided of the cast, and then i went on tv and took credit for it, but she always gets the finalist right. Lets get to it right now. The final four this season will be green bay quarter packers, younger brother jordan. A former football player. She said she likes his butt. That is important. Jordan makes the final four. Next we have chase, another good looking guy. He gave a lot of testimonials and they showed his reactions a lot. Those are good clues hell be in it for a while. Next, robbie. He says maam. That will get him to the fantasy suite. And then finally luke. He showed up on a unicorn. Heres from austin texas, so she can say yall around him. The final four will be jordan, chase, robbie and luke, and the winner, the one who will be the one two whom she will get engaged can i get a drum roll . Jordan. Jo jo will choose jordan. Jimmy jo jo will pick jordan and then theyll break up four and a half months later. We have spoken. It has been said, and may god have mercy on us all. Did any of you i know a lot of you were on vacation. Did you watch game of thrown thrones last night . There was a major revelation involving a major character without going into specifics, i will say things might have turned out differently if they just had one of these. Now i know who really watched the show. There was a lot of chatter about this on social media last night, too much. In fact, as your future Vice President , i feel compelled to Say Something. Can i get my podium, please . Yes, yes. Thank you. [ applause ] my fellow americans, especially those who watch game of thrones, the vast majority of civilized people agree that spoiling a surprise in a tv show is inappropriate, especially on the night the show airs. Its unacceptable and those who do it deserve to be punished. But theres another problem which i call the nonspoiler spoiler. This is when people go on twitter or facebook and Say Something big happens tonight, maybe even dropped hints about what that something might be. These are a couple of examples from facebook last night. Dont you dare ever f eeing hold the door for me last night. And this one. Hold the door. Hold the door. Even if you dont mention specifically what happens, youve planted a seed in my brain the whole episode, and when it does happen its not a surprise. Heres a tip. If you cant even, dont even. Be quiet. Dont write anything. [ applause ] ill tell you something. When i am Vice President , well shut down the internet for four hours on sunday nights so no one can do it. Remove my podium. Jimmy thank you. Were going to take a break. When we come back, i think youre going to like this, the exciting season premier of our reality dating show called the baby bachelorette, and once we did the baby bachelor. This is the baby bachelorette, and this is a preview of the shocking moments to come. Im alex, and im awesome. Hey, girl. Jimmy episode one of the baby bachelorette. Well be right back. Help you experience this world . Oh man ive only been to one place oh i have a great idea maybe i can go to the rainforest. Any ideas for my little ones first big trip. Every mastercard world card comes with a concierge who can help you book a dream trip, arrange experiences and much more. Hey, youre going to need more of these. Learn more at priceless. Com world it was all pencil and paper. Started out, the surface pro is very intuitive. I can draw lightly, just like i would with a real pencil. Ive been a forensic artist for over 30 years. I do the composite sketches which are the bad guy sketches. You need good resolution, powerful processor because the computer has to start thinking as fast as my brain does. I do this because i want my artwork to help people. Every day, brian drives carefully to work. And every day brian drives carefully to work, there are rate suckers. Hes been paying more for Car Insurance because of their bad driving for so long, he doesnt even notice them anymore. But one day brian gets snapshot from progressive. Now brian has a rate based on his driving, not theirs. Get snapshot and see just how much your good driving could save you. Create your own seafood trios you can try something new with every bite. Pick 3 of 9 allnew creations for 15. 99. Like baked lobster alfredo chimichurri shrimp and crab cakes bursting with crab meat. Just hurry in before it ends. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Johnny depp and pink are on the way. But first we discussed earlier tonight was the season premier to the bachelorette here on abc. The bachelor franchise has been successful. Its been going on for, i dont know, 35 years now. [ laughter ] jimmy a few years ago we had our own hit dating show called the latbachelor starring my nep who is engaged to be married in 2033. We thought it might be fun this time to help a young lady meet her soul meet. Its my privilege to present the season premier of the baby la h bachelorette. Tonight, passion, tantrums, and everlasting love. Jimmy meet bianca. Hes four. Shes looking for a husband. Im going to get married and have a pretty dress and be a princess. Jimmy 11 tiny suitors await. Which one will steal her heart . I think my husband is in that limo. Jackson is super cute. When he got out of the limo, i was like whoa. Come with me. First time for everything. Some bachelors make a strong First Impression. Hi, bianca. Hi. Jimmy others do not. Daddy, daddy. Shake her hand. Whats up with that guy . Jimmy in 2013, this little guys big sister, jesse won it all on the baby bachelor. Daddy, come here. Daddy. My daughter won the baby bachelor and my son just [ bleep ]ed it up. Hi. Hi. I know the perfect girls is out there. He might be too young to get married. Rocks. Rocks. The rocks. It seems like he likes rocks more than girls. Give it back. [ cheers and applause ] im captain america. Captain america . Really . I love musicians. [ playing violent poorly ] thats beautiful. Im looking for someone who makes my heart sing. Jimmy and one bachelor doesnt play by the rules. Im alex, and im awesome. Hey, girl. Hey. See this . Its leathered. Jimmy with the bachelors getting to know each other in the mansion, drama was already starting to unfold. A lot of guys here are crazy. Jimmy with a First Impression unicorn at stake, the contestants should be on their best behavior. Everybody is here for the juice boxes. Jimmy while some cracked under pressure [ crying ] jimmy others kept their eyes on the prize. Can i talk to you . Sure. I think youre beautiful. Thats sweet. Bianca, can i please steal you . Sure. [ laughter ] shes mine. Jimmy with manny at his breaking point, alex makes his point. Bianca, i want to marry you. Youre the best. I like his confidence and that he can ride a bike. I have no competition. Alex manny, will you accept this unicorn . Yeah. Are you kidding me . Jimmy coming up on the baby bachelorette, bianca gets to know the guys. Hey, gorgeous. And the most amazing, stunningstu stunning, unbelievable, shocking, and amazing unicorn ceremony in baby bachelorette history. Jimmy thank you baby bachelorette. Tonight pink is with us, and well be right back with johnny depp. The new ford escape. Life is a sport. We are the utility. Be unstoppable. How are you doing today . Thats how i am. American express presents the blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. My only concern is that this is where we put food. A dogs foot is cleaner than a humans mouth. Thats what they say. Is it . Cleaner than my mouth. Get cash back with american express. Cleaner than my mouth. Mmm. Baclets instabrag. D. Honey, jalapeno boom boom, hhow is there no bacon emoji . Dennys new honey jalapeno bacon, part of the red white and bacon menu. Dennys. Welcome to americas diner. Okawhoa ady . [ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. Get americas fastest internet. Only from xfinity. Jimmy tonight from through the looking glass, this is her new single called just like fire, pink is here to chat and play. Tomorrow night on the show, collin ferrell, brad paisley and demi lovato. Plus donald trump and Bernie Sanders later in the week. Theyll be back to back on wednesday and thursday. Our first guest tonight is an internationally beloved actor, dog lover and wearer of hats, including a mad one in alice through the looking glass. Please welcome, johnny depp. [ applause ] [ applause ] this is a time for apologies. Jimmy apologies . Id like to apologize for kissing you. Square on the mouth for the fourth time. Jimmy you never never have to apologize for that. I think some of the audience will be upset, because some of them did come to have sex with you [ applause ] jimmy specifically. I dont know if that will be happening or what. It was the kiss that just took it. One kiss on that jimmy speaking of alol poli you gave the greatest apology after the thing in australia. These are things you to prepare a long time for, and to be able to tap into the emotion that you need. Jimmy yes. You really seemed sincere. Some are calling it your greatest performance ever. I havent seen many of them, but i wouldnt disagree. Jimmy you dont like to watch yourself on camera. No, but i didnt mind watching that one. Jimmy i would like to watch this one because i have about 5,000 questions about it. Australia is a wonderful island with a treasuretrove of unique plants and animals. That has to be protected. Its free of many pests and diseases. Thats why they have to have such strong biosecurity laws. And australians are unique, warm and direct. When you obey the law, they will tell you firmly. I am truly sorry that our animals werent declared. Declare everything when you enter australia. [ laughter ] jimmy wow, the passion. That was i, you know, i played that sort of, you know, antigovernment australia, you know, when someone threatens to euthanize your dog just after jimmy tiny dogs. Tiny little dogs you brought in. Yeah, minuscule, like, weird, tiny, teacup things. Clearly dangerous in australia, because theres so many poisonous creatures in australia, you could die at any minute. Jimmy what a great thing for tourism. So the dogs were obviously a problem. Jimmy was that who wrote that . Um [ laughter ] a genius. Jimmy and who directed that, that presentation . Was there anybody kind of telling you what to do . You know who directed that . Jimmy who . Um, the iphone. Jimmy the iphone directed it. [ laughter ] jimmy was there one take or more than one take . Sometimes you have to giggle a little. Jimmy and did you watch it back after before releasing it . No, because i didnt want to kill myself. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy are you and amber free and clear in australia or is there still trouble if you try to go to that country . I think the choice they made to utilize the taxpayers dollars to globally chase down a couple of teacup give them 50 hours to live, i realized the badness of my ways. Jimmy sure. I would hope so. I was kind of repenting in that. Jimmy isnt it heartening in a way to know were not the only dumb country, though . I mean, to find out that its not just us doing stupid stuff, that australia well, it seems like one guy in australia made a big guy out of this. Barn bee joyce is the guys name. He looks like somehow inbred with a tomato. Jimmy he sounds delicious. Its not a criticism. Im just saying. Jimmy not at all. Quite the contrary. I was a little worried. Jimmy he may have been cross bred . No, he just might explode. Jimmy you have a fragrance. He did not ask me to mention it, but i want to mention it. Its called i assume thats savage in french. Some jokesters have been adding an s to your advertisements. Thats sausages. And this one, i like this one the best, because this one they went to the trouble of posting a little sausage on the you know. [ laughter ] . Nothing made me happier. Jimmy i wouldnt be surprise first down it was you doing it. I wish i could take credit for that. Jimmy your daughter has been named the face of what is it . Chanel. Jimmy yeah. Thats crazy. Yeah. [ applause ] jimmy shes 16 years old, right . Indeed, yeah. Jimmy is there pressure on your son to now be the face of a product . I mean, my sister was the face of something, i would have to be the face of something also. No. My son doesnt give a rats ass. No. He wants to draw and skateboard and make music and thats pretty much it. Jimmy and smell like sausage. Theres that. Hes starting a band. Jimmy he is . Yeah. Jimmy is that fun for you . A punk rock band. Jimmy what instrument does he play . Guitar . Jimmy you taught him. He caught on real quick, but the name is interesting. I was very proud, i got to say. Jimmy what is it . Clown boner. Jimmy clown boner. I like it a lot. Johnny depp is here. Well be right back. I struggle with bipolar depression, and its hard. I miss out on lifes little moments. So i talked to my doctor and he prescribed latuda. There are many forms of depression. Latuda is fda approved to treat bipolar depression, which is different from other types of depression. In clinical studies, onceaday latuda was proven effective for many people struggling with bipolar depression. Latuda is not for everyone. Call your doctor about unusual mood changes, behaviors, or suicidal thoughts. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. Elderly dementia patients on latuda have an increased risk of death or stroke. 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Ill meet you when youre younger and im older . I realize it doesnt much sense. It makes perfect sense to me. Im terrence. Im alice. We seem to have time all mixed up. Jimmy opens in theaters on friday. Is that fun to make a movie like that with all your stuff on your face . Yeah. For me, its my preference. Jimmy does it make it easier for you . I know you dont like watching yourself. To see yourself when you have something on and youre covered with things . Id rather not have to look at myself, yeah. Anymore. Jimmy the more stuff on you, the merrier. Yeah, the more you can hide, the more you can find some other area to sort of mess around in. Because your first responsibility, really, is to not bore the audience. You know . Dont bore these guys. If i come out of the gate the same every time, it might be get boring. Jimmy this is an interesting choice of hats you wore here. I think the mad hatter, could make America Great again. [ applause ] jimmy by the way, i saw that funny or die video you did where you impersonated donald trump. That was pretty spectacular. [ applause ] jimmy i would never have imagined that was in you anywhere. When i spoke with adam mccay and they were talking to me about doing it, they said how would you like to make a feature film in four days because we need to get it ready for a caucus, how would you like to play donald trump . I had no idea. I mean, its jimmy youd never imitated him before . Never. Jimmy i assumed theyd seen you do it at a party or something and they said thats great, we should make a movie around this. No. Can you see me imitating people at parties . Jimmy no, but its so good. I mean, it seems like something that you really, you at least had a running start on. Well, i got a feel for him because hes sensational, absolutely fabulous. Jimmy have you heard from him . Did you get any feedback from him . He stopped calling me. [ laughter ] jimmy he did . Im sorry to hear that. I really am. He stopped just like that. Jimmy its good to see you. The movie is a lot of fun to watch. Its called alice through the looking glass. Well be right back with pink. You know we said wed take a look at our Retirement Plan today. Not now im cleaning the oven yeah, im cleaning the gutters washing the dog washing the cat well im learning snapchamp chat. Chat changing the oil. vo its surprising what people would rather do than deal with retirement. Pressurewashing the. Roses. Aerating the lawn vo but with nationwide its no big deal. Okay, your Retirement Plan is all set. Nationwide . Awesome. Nice neighborhood. Nationwide is on your side whispers rocket intromercedesbenz ccoupe, redesigned with its athletic prowess and sleek new body. It doesnt just raise the bar. It completely crushes it. The allnew cclass coupe. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Alright, let me get tunbeatable. Straight. Unbeatable . Seriously . Cannot be beat . You heard me man, unbeatable. Hows that possible . Got the formula, got the chemistry. Ahhh, but the others are all talking. Right, right, talkity, talkity, talk. But when it comes to helping keep the engine clean, no gasoline can beat chevron with techron. Ahha, thats impressive. No gasoline cleans better than chevron with techron. Care for your car. spitting. Thud. nailed it sweet both cars laugh jimmy hi there. Were back. Our next guest is wildly successful in a new movie. Please say hello to pink. [ applause ] jimmy how are you . Hi. Jimmy really good to see you. You too. Jimmy i want to mention. I say this to my wife every time theres an award show. I dont think you get enough credit for how great your performances are. [ applause ] jimmy every single time. It seems like you put a lot of thought into them. Is that true . I do. Jimmy are you trying to top yourself each time . Im trying to sound good while doing a lot of other things. Jimmy and you sound great, but youre doing a lot of things. My mom would like me to sit down. Jimmy she would . Yeah. Jimmy and every once in a while you do sit down, and its extra effective because its like now youre really showing that you have the goods. Its like when i whisper at willow. Jimmy yeah. Not used to it. Willow is my daughter. Jimmy when you whisper to your kid, all the sudden they think how old is your daughter . Five next month. Is she excited about this alice through the looking glass. She was in the music video. She apparently thought she was going to be in the film, that it would be in the film. Shes disappointed in me because its just a music video. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy she was hoping to see herself in the theater . Yeah. We had johnny deps stunt double, and developed quite a crush. Jimmy do you know johnny himself . I met him once. Jimmy tonight . No. I dodged that. Jimmy why . I cant talk. Jimmy oh, you have a crush on him . [ cheers and applause ] i cant do it. Him and Michael Keaton. I cant beatle juice gets me every time. Jimmy johnny depp and Michael Keaton. Yeah, thats it. Jimmy have you met michael . I dodged him as well at a restaurant. I got under my table and left. Jimmy you did . Wow. What happened when you met johnny depp . I didnt want to meet him. My husband made me meet him which was so dumb. I was hiding behind records in a record store. I was like dont do this. I dont want to meet him, and he made me do it. Jimmy i think he did the right thing. I dont think it went well. Jimmy it didnt . I dont feel like i nailed it. Jimmy why . I went up to him and im like hey, i saw alice. Im going to be writing a song. Hes like you saw alice cooper . Im like no, i saw the movie, alice. Anyway, you were great. Hes like oh, i thought you were telling me you saw alice cooper. Im like no, i didnt meet alice cooper. Im going to do the movie anyway. You just keep pushing on, im like oh, for gods sake. Like thanks, honey. That was great. Jimmy thats really good advice. You have kept on pushing on. Im going to keep pushing on. Jimmy when you get hired to write i assume you get hired to write a song for a movie, they come to you and say will you write something for us, something original. You said you sit down and watch it and then you come up with something you think might fit . Yeah. You watch the movie, because when i write for myself, its narcissistic. Its sort of what are my problems today . And for a movie you have to put yourself in that story, and for alice, it was really easy, because i can relate to her character. Jimmy it was easy . It was really easy. Jimmy was this the first time you wrote a movie song . Its the first time a song has been accepted. Its not the first time ive tried. Jimmy really . What other movies . So many. Its ridiculous. A lot of people involved. Jimmy oh, by committee they decide . For my record, its i have to like it. Jimmy do you get paid anyway if theres no. No. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its johnny depp. Johnny, go see if Michael Keaton is in the nothing, were both now flustered. Youre blushing as well. Jimmy i think pink would like a little bit of a kiss. No, im good. [ cheers and applause ] her husband is carrying. Jimmy her husband is what . Carrying. Jimmy yeah, right. All right, a weapon, i got you. I know what you mean. Okay. I think hed be all right. You think would he shoot johnny . [ laughter ] hed shoot me. Jimmy johnny, run. Wow, youre really. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god. Im so blushing. Go away. That was awful. You guys, this sucks. I hate you. I hate you. Jimmy i didnt have anything to do with it. Guillermo is one t one who should have stopped him at the door. You just turned the color of your hair. This is the worst day ever. Jimmy a little flustered is fun every once in a while. Were going to go outside and close down the whole street for you especially. Uhhuh. Jimmy you okay . Tonight i want to feel your neck to see if its hot. Oh, wow, its really hot. Pinks neck is really hot right now, and im all right. Jimmy and fittingly, her song is called just like fire. Well be back. Well be back. Well be back. Well be back. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by samsung. The Disneyland Resort diamond celebration. Its been 60 years in the making. Dont miss your chance to see it all dazzle. Come celebrate new beginnings like hyperspace mountain. And premiering this summer, frozen, a musical spectacular. Plus an all new soarin. So come to the place where summer dazzles. They go ooh ooh. Hey they go ohoohooooh. Sitting, watching, waiting, wishing. I tell you one thing, you never knew it. At the back of the bus there is so much to give, so dream big. Yeah. And when they screaming get out, get out. All i wanna hear is get down, get down. Yeah. And when they screaming get out, get out. All i wanna hear is get down, get down. Get down, get down. Dicky the jimmy kimmel Concert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy i want to thank johnny depp. Here with the song just like fire, pin, pink pink. I know that im running out of time i want it all mmm mmm and im wishing theyd stop tryna turn me off i want it on mmm mmm and im walking on a wire trying to go higher feels like im surrounded by clowns and liars even when i give it all away i want it all mmm mmm we came here to run it run it run it we came here to run it run it run it just like fire burning up the way if i can light the world up for just one day watch this madness colorful charade no one can be just like me any way just like magic ill be flying free imma disappear when they come for me i kick that ceiling what you gonna say no one can be just like me any way just like fire uh and people like to laugh at you cause they are all the same mmm mmm see i would rather we just go a different way than play the game and no matter the weather we can do it better you and me together forever and ever we dont have to worry bout a thing bout a thing we came here to run it run it run it we came here to run it run it run it just like fire burning up the way if i can light the world up for just one day watch this madness colorful charade no one can be just like me any way just like magic ill be flying free imma disappear when they come for me i kick that ceiling what you gonna say no one can be just like me any way just like fire run it run it fire fire run it we came here to run it run it run it so look i came here to run it just cause nobodys done it yall dont think i can run it but look ive been here ive done it impossible please watch i do it with ease you just gotta believe come on come on with me oh whats a girl to do what what hey whats a girl to do what what oh whats a girl to do what what oh whats a girl to do just like fire burning up the way if i can light the world up for just one day watch this madness colorful charade no one can be just like me any way just like fire burning up the way if i can light the world up for just one day watch this madness colorful charade no one can be just like me any way just like magic ill be flying free imma disappear when they come for me i kick that ceiling what you gonna say no one can be just like me any way just like fire fire one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you dont do anything at all go ask alice this is nightline. Tonight, snap chat soap opera. Im seriously in love with you. Looking for love . Snap chat may be your answer, especially if you want an audience for your fairy tale. Tonight the couple behind this viral romance shows you the new way to love online. Bring on the men. And tonight a new season of the bachelorette begins, but what really happens after that final rose ceremony . I love you. I love you more than anything. Were with former bachelorette, andy as she tells all. It rocked me. It was heart break. Plus the chewbacca