Me last night. I was going through my email. I opened the computer and i see my email and i get an email from donald trump. I got a personal email from mr. Donald trump who offered me, as youll see, an exclusive trump president ial black card. I got this for real. It said you should get one of these, james. He calls me james. At my inauguration next year, there will be upwards of a Million People will have president ial black cards. Thats right. For a one time initiation fee of 35 can get a card that has no benefits or rewards whatsoever. A black card . Is this how hes reaching out to the black community, with the card . [ laughter ] jimmy theres another thing im wondering about. How did donald trump get my email address . I bet the russians had something theres also a trump gold card. Thats 49. You can get the black card for 35, or the less exclusive card for 14 more. Theres finally a card thats more embarrassing to cover than discover. [ applause ] jimmy i am also running for office, and i am offering a card too. Can i get my podium here . Id like to show you my card. [ jimmy i am proud to announce and present the first ever kimmel Vice President meat card. Okay . If you look close cannily, youll see this handsome card is made from 100 corn fed beef jerky. What better way to show you friends and family that you love this country, and you can eat it. Jimmy delicious. The only meat card you can eat. Its only 89. 95. All proceeds go to me. Whos hungry for freedom . Anybody . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im going to need another ten minutes to finish this. We are [ laughter ] jimmy this is where youre supposed to run in with a bucket. I got it. We are 25 days away from the election and donald trump is burning up like a meteor entering the atmosphere. Five women have come forward this week to claim he behaved inappropriately, touching, include a reporter from People Magazine and a campaign winner. He was offered to be the [ applause ] jimmy figuring out if its too soon or too much. Trump denied the allegations. He was in florida today setting his sights Hillary Clintons brother where he slowed him down to half speed for a brand new edition of drunk donald trump. Hillarys brother gold mine . Tony, you saw tony. Tony. Anybody want to hire tony . [ applause ] jimmy tony, tony, tony. Hes done it again. Trump also somehow found his way on the local cbs news in providence where his face was, i what i believe to be a different story. The clown craze continues to sweep across the country. Its an honest mistake. You could see how it was made. Jimmy you know, after that access Hollywood Tape came out, a number of prominent republicans called for trump to drop out. Now because of the pressure from the trump base, some of those who denounced him say, i am still planning to vote for him. They essentially ununindorsed him so as not vote for him. This is putting a lot of republicans running for reelection in a tough spot. They can lose moderates or the rest. Its like they found themselves in a saw movie just before hol halloween. Pat too maniny is one of them. Its confusing to voters. The ads his campaign are running dont do a lot to clear his position up. Let me be clear where i stand on donald trump. I think hes a National Embarrassment and a disgrace. A disgraceful embarrassment who i am proud to support for president of the United States. Donald trump is exactly what this country needs, a man with no idea what hes talking about. A man with no respect for democracy or common decency. A man who is totally unfit for office. And i am proud for office. Or not. Yes, i am. Am not. Am so. Are not. Am too. Shut up. You shut up. Screw you. The position is clear. No, yes. I approve this message. No, i dont. [ applause ] jimmy heres something id like to see the leaders getting to work on. The tsa, and i plaud them, socalled comfort animals. The animals people bring on the plane because they claim to be too nervous. It can be any kind of people. Birds, monkeys, pigs, turkeys. Someone brought an alpaca on the plane. All you need is a note from a joke online doctor. You say 75 and your pet is officially a comfort animal. Its easier to get a horse on a plane than it is to get a bottle of mouthwashn the airlines have had enough. They only want Trained Service animals to be allowed on the planes. I dont want to sit next to a fish tank on the plane. Have you been on an airplane recently . Its like noahs arc of chihuahuas and multipoos. If youre so emotionally unstable that you need to hold a poodle to get on a plane, maybe and what if you have allergies and you have to sit next to a cat . Why can we have a st. Bernard on the plane but not peanuts . It doesnt make any sense. The whole thing is ridiculous, and when i am Vice President , im planning to put a stop to this whole thing. You understand what im saying. Guillermo jimmy . My comfort pony is still okay, right . Jimmy you have a comfort pony . Guillermo yes. Jimmy no, no comfort guillermo goodbye, macaroni the pony. Jimmy yi feel like the bad guy because i told him he couldnt have his comfort pony, but the workplace is no place for a pony. I dont know if its a comfort animal or not. Its still [ gunshot ] you shot macaroni . Guillermo you told me to shoot the pony. Jimmy i never said shoot the pony. I said you couldnt have the pony at work. Guillermo oops. I did it again. Jimmy well, hes gotten himself into another thing. Put that gun away. All right. We have to take a break. When we come back, im going to go to springfield into cartoon land to visit the simpso censorship too. Stick around. Well be right back. [ . Diggy . By spencer ludwig] inside the rack houses of jim beam, every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. I had frequent heartburn, but. My doctor recommended prilosec otc 7 years ago, last week. Just 1 pill each morning. 24 hours and zero heartburn, its been the number 1 doctor recommended brand for 10 straight years, and its still recommended today. Jimmy tonight on the show, laverne cox is here, president obama today released the names of his favorite sci fi movies and tv shows. Its good to see him digging into the major issues. Blade runner j star wars and the marshatian. Its a good on before matt damon. One of his favorite movies is star trek. While were on the subject of iconic tv shows. This from last nights episode of jeopardy. From maryland, and her favorite type of music is i think its very fun. Its called nerd core hip hop. Yes. Its people who identify as nerdy, rapping about the things they love. Video games, science fiction, having a hard time meeting romantic partners. You know. Its really catchy and fun. Losers, in other words. Well. I kid. Jimmy wow. I think we just found a new republican candidate for president. [ laughter ]. Another popular long running Television Show is reaching a milestone this week. And on sunday night the 600th episode of the simpsons, tree house of horror 37. The simpsons is one of the greatest shows [ pounding ] whats happening . Stupid tv. I want to see singing and a car. Thats all. Jimmy are you Homer Simpson . Are you with irs . I dont think so. Ive always wanted to visit you here. Why . Are you here to kill me . Youre here to kill me. Jimmy im not here to kill you. The simpsons are one of the most popular families in the world. I knew it. In your face, jesus family. Jimmy id love to see come on. Theres the Nuclear Power plant i work at. [ bang ] jimmy is that okay . Not my shift. Jimmy wow. Moes. Its even more depressing than i imagined. Yeah. Who needs direct sunlight . [ burping ]. Jimmy thats cute. Hes an alcoholic. The chalkboard. And this is baby maggie. Back. Jimmy how old is she . I never ask a lady her age. Jimmy but shes been a baby for a while. Have you ever cleaned this pacifier . Dont judge me because i never wash the pacifier or know how old my daughter is. All that matters is i love my family very much. Except him. Am i dead yet . Oh, no. Jimmy that was thank you. I have to get back to the show now, but i really appreciate it. What . Youve only seen the power plant explode once. Jimmy maybe next time, and if you ever need me, ill always be in there. Oh, tv, a beautiful distraction from the certainty of death. Jimmy hi, homer. By one of the bye one of the jimmys. [ applause ] jimmy thanks for the is on sunday. Its thursday night which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. No, you are describing sexual assaults. If i grabbed Donald Trumps plp blp and tried to [ bleep ] him, i would go to jail. At points during the debate, it almost felt like watching mom and dad [ bleep ]. It got if we overcome the divisiveness and instead we [ bleep ] some big [ bleep ]s, and i some big [ bleep ]s. If we the [ bleep ]s, theres nothing america cant do. I recently tried it, but i have yet to suck that [ bleep ]. What . I wont get to suck any [ bleep ]. My wife will take all of them. Hes the guy whos going to [ bleep ] your butt and [ bleep ] your family. When she was sucking on that [ bleep ], it didnt look good. Oh, yeah. Hi there. May i [ bleep ] myself . Not right now. Jimmy tonight on the show, laverne cox is here, Colin Farrell is here and well be right back with the great vin scully. Sick portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by paqui chips. From nacho cheese to haunted ghost pepper, theres a flavor for you. [ on the road again, by Willie Nelson ] . On the road again . [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ] . Just cant wait to get on the road again . [ front assist sounds ] [ music stops ] [ girl laughs ] . On the road again . . Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway . [ beetle horn honks ] for less than you expected. Hurry in and lease the 2017 passat s for just 199 a month. It was doggie destiny was mr. Bonejangles expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price . Of course not. Hes a dog. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, welcome back to forthcoming movie fantastic beasts and where to find them, Colin Farrell is here. And from the new version of the rocky Horror Picture Show and orange is the new black, laverne cox is with us. Next week on the show, tom cruise, ewan mcgregor, benedict cumberbatch, cobie smulders, tilda swinton, isla fisher. We will be live after the debate and ken bone, the worlds most adorable man. And we will have music from kenny loggins, X Ambassadors and tom morello, the 1975 and flatbush zombies. And for those of you who live in the boston area, on saturday night, join me with bill simmons at the citi shubert theater, live for a very good cause. If youd like to join us citicenter. Org. Go to citicenter. Org. Student tix start at 24 and we hope to see you there. Jimmy our first guest is handsdown the best thing about living in los angeles. He is the announcer against measured, who just wrapped up 67 years as the voice of the dodgers. Please say hello to the great vin scully. . Jimmy thank you for being here. Thank you very much. Im honored. Jimmy i pestered you for months, i think, maybe even years to get you to come here, and finally you gave up and came in, and i appreciate it. I dont remember any of the other offers. [ laughter ] jimmy youve been retired for 11 days now . Since the last day in san francisco. Jimmy hows it going so far . Is it everything you imagined . I went to the hardware store. I have a very important engagement on monday the 17th. I am lecturing at the sixth grade school of st. Mells. I have a granddaughter and grandson there. We have 16 grandchildren. Jimmy thats unbelievable. [ applause ] if i cant think of something jimmy as fortune would have it, the dodgers are playing game five right now. Have you been watching these games . Yes. Sure. The dodgers beat washington 5 out of 6 during the regular year. So i expect them to win. It will be quite a surprise if they dont. Jimmy what year did you come to los angeles with the dodgers . We came in 1958. And we played in the coliseum which, of course, was built olympics, and not baseball. Jimmy how many seats were in the coliseum . The biggest crowds we had during the world series of 1959 was about 93,000. Of course, thats huge for a baseball jimmy its too big for a baseball stadium. In a sense, its too big, but that worked in our favorite. Jimmy in what way . Well, because right around the time we came here was the radio. You had people 70some odd rows high up, far away from the playing field. The people knew willie mays, stan muse, but they didnt know the rank and file player, so we would explain who they were and where they came from, and so the transistor radio also became a great bridge. It was a wonderful experience where it got us into the community, because i would actually talk to the people the stadium and they would react accordingly. I mean, sometimes they would grown if i made a horrific pun. Maybe theyd laugh occasionally. But we got to where we began to exchange. I would say something, and they would make sounds. You know . Jimmy thats unbelievable. Of course, now we have our little cell phones that we carry around with us, but it was so much more intimate then. Growing up, i listened to i think there were seasons where i listened to every game you ross porter and jerry dog it, and you outlasted them and kept going and going. Well, i did put most of Southern California to sleep. The transistor radio went under the pillow. I hear that all my life. I remember reason listening to you. Again, the transistor was marvelous. Jimmy this is a great photograph. I believe this is your first season with the dodgers when they were still in brooklyn. Wow. Jimmy 1950. If youll notice, there was a terrific pompadour in those days. I was in the navy. I first went to boot camp and had the hair just like that, and i got in a chair, and the sailor in charge of shaving heads said where are you from, and i said new york, and he said, im from mississippi. Wham. And all the hair was gone. So i vowed when i got out, i to see. Jimmy there it is, yeah. There you are. A young whipper snapper. Look at that. Jimmy who could have imagined that kid how did you get interested in baseball in the first place . I was about that age, i think, and in those days the only thing on radio would only be college football. Were talking now in the 35, 36. We had a four legged radio with a c i would get a pillow and glass of milk and crackers and crawl under the radio, and the speaker was directly over my head. Now, it didnt make any difference to me whether it was michigan, ohio state, tennessee, alabama. I didnt have any idea, but what i learned to fall in love with was the roar of the crowd. So somebody would run for a touchdown. The crowd would roar. It would be like water coming out of a shower head. The place. So in the beginning i loved just the roar of the crowd, and then later i thought id like to be there, and then later it evolved, id like to broadcast. So then today if i have any kind, or had any kind of a trademark, it would be i try to call the play as quickly and as accurately as possible and shut up and when that crowd roars for a brief time, im eight and a half years old. Jimmy thats one of the you. [ applause ] jimmy i love that. I never really thought about it like that, but, yes, you can always hear the sounds of the game when you are calling a game. In fact, when i was a young radio disk jockey, we had an a. M. And fm station. I worked in the fm. A a. M. Was across the way. We did the dodgers game. I would go in and wait for you to say heres the pitch, and id id go boing or something crazy. Id add crazy things to the games, and then id take the complaint calls from the listeners, and you enabled me to do that, because you were being to quiet at the time. [ applause ] jimmy i was wondering if you could do me a huge favor. If you dont want to, decline, but as you probably know around 12 years ago i hit a major home run in a celebrity talking about it. Jimmy its in the books. So i was wondering if you might we did have play by play on it. It was fine, but i was wondering if you would be so find as to do announcing over the clip of me hitting the home run. [ applause ] since we have not rehearsed this, id like to kind of take over. Jimmy you can do the whole what i will do is i will do the usual, and then when i point, itll be time for you to come up to hit. All right . Jimmy all right. Theres the monitor right there. Hi, everybody. And a pleasant good evening to you wherever you may be. Here we are at minute maid park. Another great night for ball game. Leading off will be Jimmy Christian kimmel. He was born in brooklyn mill ban was an altar boy. Boy, thats a long time ago, and eventually the family moved to las vegas. He graduated from clark high school, and then he went to the university of nevada for a year. Two more years at arizona state, and the interesting thing is they say that hes very funny in the locker room. He is now coming up to leadoff here in the inning against one as usual, he was always guilty of talking too much before having an at bat, but hes a little nervous considering this theres a long fly ball to deep right center, and that is gone. [ applause ] wow. Jimmy thank you so much. Thank you for everything, vin. Unbelievable. Vin scully, everybody. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. . . . Only those who dare drive the world forward. The cadillac ct6. I used to blame the weather for my frizz. Prov formula makes my curls so strong. They can dry practically frizz free. 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Cellular and get a whopping 7 gigs of data per line jimmy our next guest is a golden globe winning actor and newly minted movie wizard he stars in the newest j. K. Rowling book adaptation called fantastic beasts and where to find them. Zb zblu. Youre an interesting man. Youre thrown out of hogwarts. It was an accident. One of your teachers argued strongly against your expulsion. What makes him so fond of you. Fantastic beasts and where to find them opens november 18th. Please welcome Colin Farrell. Good are you a baseball fan . Dodgers fan . Die hard all my life. No, i know very little about baseball. Ive been so to the see the dodgers play a few times. Jimmy do you understand whats going on in the game . The basics. Jimmy what do you know and what dont you know . I know theres a stick. I know theres a ball. Jimmy right. I know one man holds one and another man holds another. One travels toward the other. The other then travels back jimmy this is a deconstructive way of watching baseball. Did you guys watch i know dodger dogs. I know the singing of the song. I mean, i dont know the song. But take me out of the ball game thing. Jimmy yeah. Thats karaoke for me. I have to look at the monitor. Jimmy you dont know the words by heart . Just the first line. The irish, what do ole, ole, ole. Jimmy thats easier, yeah. Sounds learn it tonight and come back and recite it for me. Jimmy did you get american sporting events, like our major events when you were living there . American football. Jimmy football . Yeah. I love american football. Jimmy do you remember seeing it as a kid . There was a show on channel 4 in English Network that did a recap of the week of the nfl. Long, so they had each time for like a minute and a half. I didnt have a team, but the first super bowl i saw i believe was 1985. Jimmy that was a glad ood o. Chicago is in the house. The bears and the patriots. The refrigerator and Walter Paytons last game, i think, sweetness. And the super bowl shuffle. They did that video. I was young enough to think it was cool. Jimmy we all thought tha if you look back the next day we looked back, the very next day. Jimmy it took a while to look back and realize it was the worst thing. I recently saw it. Jimmy its crazy it happened. Jimmy hows the family . Theyre all good. Thank you. Is like is this a hear potter movie . Its part of the same universe. It takes place about 80 years beforeotter was born. Its the first screen play written by the author. Jimmy she wrote it herself . Yes. Jimmy will there be follow up movies . There was an announcement today of five. Jimmy and you play a wizard . I d thats school . Its kind of a stretch. Kids . Hopefully theyll like it. I did an animated film once, and i put it on for them. I liked it. I thought it was sweet, but they were like can you put on wreck it ralph, please. That was the one that didnt leave the room. The one that decided to stay beside me wanted wreck it ralph. Jimmy how old are they . James is 13 and henry is 7. Daredevil right have they seen that . No. I get embarrassed. When they give roger ebert two thumbs down, couldnt take it. Its all about me, not my kids. An actors ego. Jimmy i can understand that. Of anybody, you want your kids. Kind of for sure. I was a little hurt when they didnt like jimmy really . Tragic. They didnt know i was in it. I sat beside them when it was i did the voice. Jimmy you did it for them . Tragic. Instead of just saying im the voice of that, i was like ill just sneak it in because i dont want to be pathetic by telling them. It backfired and went the other way. Jimmy thats pretty bad. You might want to have to specifically target them. You spend your life wanting to win your kids favor. Craft film. Jimmy im sure. I hope i can get into it. Jimmy play a block. Yes. Jimmy a held of a role for you. Blocks dont roll, jimmy. Blocks dont roll. Jimmy youre right. A big push. Jimmy the last time you were here you were about to be best man at your dads wedding. Yes. That. You were kind of planning what you were going to do. How did it go . It was good. We fore went the bachelor party. Just had some fish and wine the night before. It was very civil with the whole family. It was good. Made the speech. Jimmy you did make a speech . I did. Jimmy humorous or touching or combination . Tried to be funny, but funny light. I wrote things that didnt make the second draft. I thought so. I was thinking of the wedding crashers. So, yeah, i just tried to his beautiful wife has seven children, so i tried to mind him in front of her, and her whole family that she was earning herself a husband and not an eighth child. Jimmy i see, yeah. Which wasnt really a joke, knowing the man. Jimmy is that right . Yeah, within the space of an era, 11 children and 19 grandchildren. Theyre all marriage wouldnt have happened. Everybody was there. I got to meet jimmy do they have your personal information . Are they able to contact you . No. They go through my agent. Jimmy youre a smart guy. Youre no dummy. Its not my first rodeo. Well be right back with lavern cox. . . One smart choice leads to the next. . The new 2017 ford fusion is here. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Follow your own sense of style. Because, you want to be confident. T. J. Maxx really helped us express our creative side. Thats the best part. You dont know what youre going to find. I always find great deals on shoes. Purses. Were a team. Yeah. Maxx life at t. J. Maxx. . I got the discounts that you need . . Safe driver . . Accidentfree . . Everybody put your flaps in the air for me . . Go paperless, dont stress, girl . . I got the discounts that you need . . Safe driver . . Accidentfree . . Everybody put your flaps in the air for me . I cant lipsynch in these conditions. . Savings . . Oh, yeah . Music suspenseful if your heartburn medications not doing its job. The food you eat during the day. Music loud mariachi band can also haunt you at night. So try nexium 24hr. Just one pill each day. Shuts down your stomachs active. Acid pumps to stop the burn of frequent heartburn. All day and night. Have we seen them before . . . Every time i travel, its the moments that are most rewarding. Because youll never forget them. The new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Guest. You know her from orange is the new black and next a made for tv version of the rocky Horror Picture Show lets do the time warp again. It airs next thursday night on fox. Please welcome laverne cox. . [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy how are you . The last time i saw you i was introducing you at the emmys. Thank you for that, by the way. You did a great job at the emmys, right . Amazing. Jimmy now it seems like i was fishing for a compliment. Not at all. I have to tell you ive been a fan of yours since the man show. Do we know the man show . I know i was not your target could understand men better. I cant say that i do, but i had a lot of fun watching. Jimmy i dont think we explained anything to anybody, but we had fun making the show. How are you . Im awesome. I just moved to l. A. About three months ago. Im shooting a new show called doubt. It will be on air early 2017. And its been interesting. Speaking of the emmys, the day afterparties. I had to be up. My call time was 4 18 a. M. And i like to wake up at least two hours before i have to be someplace. Woke up at 2 18 the next day and had a full day of shooting with judith light. Jimmy who are the maniacs giving you a time of 3 18 to show up at an event . Thats a very, very specific come up with that time. Everyone is amazing at doubt and were having a really good time. I love my job, so ill wake up whenever i have to. Jimmy seems like they could have let you sleep until 4 20 on emmys night. Thats a funny thing that happens. You hear from that people all the time. We had to do our show the next day, of course, but these shows on tape and whatever, and know know there are people on the presenting, and they still have shooting the next morning very early. Well j judith is doing a play on prbroadway in new york. The theater has mondaysoff. Monday was the only day we could get her. So we had to do it that monday. Jimmy its judiths fault. She is the boss, it turns out after all these years. Judith is a trooper to be doing a one woman show and agreeing to do our show. Shes incredible. I have no problems, but it seems like you could at least have gotten some nap time during the day. Now that youre here in los angeles, you have a house here . I have an apartment. I wont tell you what neighborhood. I love you, but, you know. Jimmy give us the address. [ laughter ] jimmy and youre driving . Oh, no. Jimmy you dont drive . Im from new york city. I dont drive. Jimmy thats why i ask. People get and get here and have to drive. I lived in new york. I never wanted to drive. The only time ive been behind the wheel of a car was in drivers in high school. My mom is here. She told me i hit a big tree when i was in the car. Jimmy the one time you drove a car you hit a fig tree . Apparently. Jimmy they will sometimes jump out. Its not on you. And then the drivers ed teacher thought that i was on drugs. Ive never done a drug. He was like are you sure youre not on drugs . You have no depth perception. It was very much like stacey dashs character in clueless when she was driving. Do you remember that . It was like that but times ten worse. It was scary. You dont want me driving. Jimmy do you have a drivers license . I never have. Jimmy do you have an i. D. Card . I have a i. D. Jimmy do you uber . Pretty much everywhere i go. If i get in the car and i dont want to talk to you, uber drivers, i love you, but, im working onlines or thinking of answering emails or whatever. Jimmy theres a lot of chatting that goes on in the uber. Sometimes. Pth, are you lavern cox, and i was like no. [ laughter ] lavern cox on it. It doesnt, actually. It says something else. Jimmy you have a secret name . Its all about an alias. You have a couple for the uber drivers. Jimmy you dont have to drive. You dont need a drivers license, and you have to have an alias. This rocky Horror Picture Show is called lets do the time warp again. Its the same script any rocky horror fans here . Its the same script from the 1975 film with some pronouns changed. And thats pretty much it. Its the same script. And whats wonderful about our version is we have a bigger budget than they did 40 years ago so we get the realize the vision of the tribute to 50s rock and roll and horror. And the director was a huge fan its opulent and fantastic. I had the time of my life. Jimmy which role do you play . I play dr. Franken photo. Its the harder thing ive done. Ive never felt that much pressure because tim curry is incredible. It was one of the most rewarding experiences. Jimmy we should get you in the car on the 405 at 4 30 in the jimmy we have to take a break. Lavern cox is here. Jimmy id like to thank Colin Farrell, laverne cox and vin scully and apologize to matt damon. We ran out of time. Did you see him back there . I wish. Jimmy tonight, inside the final 30. Were heading into a donald trump rally. Nothing ive seen in arica. An extremely defiant trump lashing out. These people are horrible people. At those who brought personal accusa a powerful appeal from michelle obama. A candidate for president of the United States has bragged about sexual assaulting women. And Trump Supporters turning their outrage on our cameras. Plus a star is bread. Hermann in the hood is on a roll scoring endorsement deals. How does he get insta famous . We give it a shot