Yes a five monkey bubble time ooh ooh ooh ooh, oooh mimics explosion my sister maddie. Not so much. Were playing a board game we invented while you were in hollywood. Its a mashup between i rule the world and stack it and smack it. We call it i smack your world. Both two, four, six both holler smack it i mean, the two of them have had four years together to make up games, build forts, and play in dirt. But now it is time for me to do all those things with parker. squeals you know, minus the games, forts and dirt part. You wanna play . Sure, yeah. Um, do i require a helmet . A helmet . Come on, hollywood. Join us in the real world, where we like a little smack in the head. Yeah, this game actually gets really intense. Because one time parker rolled a 10, and on his ninth cartwheel, knocked over great grams urn. But her memory still lives on. In the dirt vac. Huh. So i missed out on getting to know parker and i think i might have missed a funeral. giggles i thought great gram was still with us. Oops. theme music plays better in stereo b b better in stereo im up with the sunshine lets go i lace up my high tops oh no slam dunk ready or not yeah, show me what you got im under the spotlight holler i dare you, come on and follow you dance to your own beat ill sing the melody when you say yeaahah i say noohoh when you say stop all i want to do is go, go, go you, you, the other half of me, me the half ill never bee the half that drives me crazy you, you, the better half of me, me the half ill always need but we both know were better in stereo. All right, karen, tonights the last night the pastrami palace is open. You read whats wrong . nasally hi, honey. Im trying to loosen my phlegm so we can go, but i am so sick. normal voice oh, i was sick sick of that pastrami palace. Weve been there four times since he found out it was closing. So i faked a little flu to get out of going. See, a big part of a healthy marriage is strategic lying. nasally id suck it up, but id hate to ruin your night of pastrami. normal voice and id hate to ruin my night of six episodes of downton abbey. sharply inhales hey, liv. Wanna come with me and eat your weight in pastrami . Oh, ha ha. I would love to, but i just had pastrami like three years ago. All right, i guess ill just have to eat enough for everybody. Um, use the downstairs bathroom when you get home. siren wailing on tv joey, its friday night. What are you doing sitting around . You should be out with your friends. tires screeching on tv dad, i am with 12 of my friends right now. Playing wheels of anger six i just stole your car. No, yeah one second, harold. I got a p. O. S. Parent over shoulder. tires screech clicks off oh, dad listen, joey, when i was your age, there was no way you would have caught me at home on a friday night. Im fun. Sure you are, dad. And im super athletic and super smooth with the ladies. Listen, im headed out to my Old High School hangout the pastrami palace. Why dont you come with me, and ill show you some real fun . doorbell rings dad, there is absolutely nothing that could happen to make me want to do that. Hi, joey. screams, clears throat im here to study with maddie, but i wore new body spray in case i saw you. Take a whiff its okay, willow, i can smell it from here. Im just gotta bolt, though. I have a date with my dad and fun. laughs so much fun. I think im too shy. You know, you need some chicken soup and, uh, acting lessons. Dad might believe youre really sick, but, one actress to another, you are no actress. Im so relieved. I didnt wanna have to pretend to be sick all night. Your dads out, parkers leaving for a sleepover with his karate buddies. That means ive got a date with. english accent downton abbey. normal voice do not interrupt unless theres a fire. Parker mom ready for the sleepover . nasally yup, i got you all packed up and ready to go. Uh, go where . The sleepovers here. Oh, no no no, parker. Ive got it marked on the calendar. Your sleepover is. At our house. You forgot . my dojo bros are coming any minute. This party has to be epic. I need playground buzz at school. Playground buzz . Look, i need kids to be talking about this at recess parker. Im gonna chaperone your party you are . You are . Yeah. I mean, mom is way too sick to do it. coughs i am, i am so sick. I am so sick. Thanks, liv. Yeah. Oh wait, mom. Dont forget this. And remember, do not use these tissues too quickly, or else youll get a brain freeze. chuckles squeals, giggles just remember, the entire future of my social life is riding on this night. doorbell rings theyre here cheering come on in, guys. This is my sister liv. Liv, this is cooper, isaac, kalden, jack, richie and steve. Oh, and thats evan. Hes a year younger, but hes cool. Come on, guys. Party starts upstairs. boys whooping, cheering have fun. giggles my mom wants proof that i was wellbehaved. Can you initial the box that says greeted the host of party politely . Evan. chuckles you just said hi. Its not like you brought me flowers. laughs im messing with you. Ha ha ha. Of course ill sign. Is this your first time at a sleepover . cause i am sure you will do great. Me too i have tons of selfconfidence because thats an important part of character. Well, you certainly are a character. Thanks. Mind putting that in the additional Comment Section . Oh, and this is my moms phone number. In case theres any kind of emergency. I really dont think thats gonna happen. Really . I was kinda hoping things would get nuts and id end up in a cast or something. Evan, you dont get out much, do you . Never. boys hollering what was that . Is that what fun sounds like . chanting do it, do it, do it crashing cheering and thats how you start a party. laughs hey. Seriously . Books already . How about a quick game of oneonone before we start . Maddie, we got to get this history assignment done. Its half our grade. And willow dont flunk willow, relax. You know i work best when i put everything off until the last minute. I mean, how bad can this be . Its the french revolution. I saw les mis. Did you even look at the assignment . Yeah. clears throat i heart joey. Mrs. Willow rooney. Willow rooney wrong notebook. What . willow, we cant do this all in one night. Why would you put this off until the last second . You know this is half our grade. Or you may submit a visual representation of the era. Are you thinking what im thinking . Oh yeah. We build a giant guillotine. Baguette. Guillotines better. Well use it to slice our baguette. Yes. grunts so, uh. Quick game of oneonone before we start . Madison fine. clicking oh come on were hanging and having fun. Life doesnt happen on a video screen. siren blares oh man any chance i can get my phone back . I would like to post a picture of you getting a ticket for texting while driving. sighs say pastrami. camera clicks boys shouting cease fire cease fire. Everyone having fun . All yeah. Were definitely gonna be talking about this on monday. Remember your favorite anecdotes. Are you kidding . This party rocks. I never get to do this. Use fun blasters inside . No, stay up past 7 30 oh mom, you made snacks for us . Oh. For you. I thought you were too sick. sneezes oh no. Its all contaminated. Ill have to throw this out in the garbage can in my room. Liv, where are you . My sister says she has a surprise for us. No spoilers from me, but lets just say shes friends with the rock. His movies are not ageappropriate for me. Okay, i have got something totally. Coolsies for you guys. Everyone get in a circle and sit criss cross applesauce. Tell me she did not just say, criss cross applesauce. Youre all going to love this and i know that because dinosaurs have always been parkers favorite. caws shes choking my mom prepared me for this. Ill give her the heimlich. Oh. Evan, honey, im not choking. That is just my pterodactyl impression. It would have been better if she was choking. Who is ready for some duck, duck. Dinosaur duck. Duck. Dinosaur whoo laughing yes whoo. Come on. Get up and chase me. chuckles catch me whoo dude, even my mom would think this was lame. Come on, guys. Lets go eat something without washing our hands. Where are you going . Duck, duck, dinosaur . Yeah. Liv, what were you thinking . I thought you loved this game. When i was six way to embarrass me in front of my karate buddies. Youre killing my playground buzz. Parker. horn honks beat it, terry. Its not happening. both laugh we rocked this guillotine who knew carpentry camp would pay off, right . You ready to get your slice on . Bring out the prisoner french accent baguette, for crimes against the state, having too many carbs, and fraternizing with the american cheese, i condemn you oh laughs maddie, i need your help. So hows the sleepover going . Are you and parker buds yet . Hardly. I tried playing duck, duck, dinosaur, and it was a disaster of jurassic proportions. Yeah liv, he kind of grew out of dinosaurs in the first grade. Thats interesting. What was joey like in the first grade . So then i made fish sticks for them, you know, the really cool ones that are shaped like racecars . I even made ketchup headlights. He used to love ketchup art. Uh, liv, those have been sitting in the freezer since he was in third grade. Well, now theyre sitting in my stomach. I ate one to show them that they were good and then i ate the rest because they are so good. Maddie, cool if i guillotine your math book . Yeah, sure willow, whatever. Liv, why are you doing all these little kid things . This is a 10yearold sleepover. Well because those are the things that parker and i liked to do together before i left for hollywood. That was a really long time ago. You just need to find things he likes doing now. Okay, well then what do 10yearold boys like to do . Uh, they like to smash things. Theyre incredibly immature. Yeah whats the cosine of that, trigonometry . laughs just like some 16yearold girls. Let me do the talking. Ooh, heres a tip, if hes carrying a boom box, hes not a real cop. Sir, its illegal to text and drive. I wasnt texting. My son was texting, officer clarkson. Mike clarkson . Pete rooney, is that you . What is happening . Mike and i were buddies in high school. When he wasnt off winning state championships in basketball. Your dad one of the coolest guys in high school. How many guys were in this high school . Im not gonna write you up, pete. I believe you werent texting and driving, cause you never could do two things at once, right . both laugh thanks, pal. Hey, you know what . Were headed out to the pastrami palace. The palace . No way hey, let me clock out for dinner early. Ill drive you over there myself. How would you like to ride in a real cop car there, little buddy . Little buddy . I will have you know i have three chest hairs, sir. Did you ever get dragged to a party you didnt want to go to then ended up having a great time . This was not one of those situations. Come on, joey. Lighten up. This is fun. Attention, car 591, id like to report a teenage boy having the night of his life, over. I wish this was over. Woman on radio car 591, dispatch. We have a 1099 in progress. Red sedan headed west on route 20. Whoa. 1099. That means a stolen car. How do you know that . Oh, i play a lot of wheels of anger. I hate that game. Why, cause it glorifies crime . Nope. cause i cant get past level three. tires screeching oh oh thats a red sedan. Thats our perp. Light em up, mike. Light em up siren blares car 591, dispatch. Air supports en route. Hes evading. Hes evading. Oh yeah, hes evading. That is 12,000 bonus points. I told you wed have fun this is awesome oh, turning left. Hes turning left. grunts oh, air support is closing in. Run, buddy, run hey. Im sorry. I have never played this game as the cop before. Come on, guys. We can still have fun. Pizza and orange juice. Delicious separately. But who wants to see how they taste together . kids booing okay. I know we werent all fans of duck, duck, dinosaur, but there is something waiting for you outside that is going to blow your 10yearold minds. Im nine. Just come outside. Okay, but if theres someone out there in an elmo suit, im gonna lose it. Terry, cue my jam. dance music playing whoa, what did you do . Its liv rooneys karate watermelon. Smashathon dojo bros, attack. Go, parker cheering come on, smash it cheering whoo hiya this is so awesome do you hear that, liv . Thats what playground buzz sounds like. squeals what i heard was a big sister finally bonding with her little brother. I also heard terry the clown laying down some sick beats. Kids whoo parker kids groan and thats when those racecar fish sticks roared right out of me. retches all ew. Weve been chasing this dirtbag for like 50 miles. How often does this happen . Just another day in the life of a cop. Youve never done this before, have you, mike . No. This is so awesome oh, hes stopping. Oh, you got him. Box him in, mikey. Box him in. You guys stay in here while i track him down. But. Take some pictures of me in action . This never happens. camera clicks sorry, buddy. Looks like were not gonna make it to the pastrami palace. Sorry . Are you kidding me . This is the greatest night of my life. Dad, you are so right. Life doesnt happen on a video screen. I got my boy off the couch and showed him that life could be pretty exciting. It was a good night. This is not the kind of sandwich i had in mind. Sorry, pete. But i gotta take these dirtbags back to the station for processing. Officer mike, how slowly can you drive . You really need to hydrate, honey. You lost a lot of fluid. And solids. Mom, im fine. I just. Tonight was a complete disaster. Oh no, sweetie. I got to watch four episodes of oh, for you. I just really wanted parker to see me as his cool older sister, and instead i am a girl who cant hold her fish sticks. Hey, guys. Hey. Parker, im really sorry i ruined your party. Are you kidding . Between blasting watermelons, you spewing like a volcano and that clowns sweet tunes. Im gonna have more playground buzz than stevie hudackys sleepover. Wait, so the boys like the party . Check it out. kids laughing ooh, im a big hollywood actress. Oh you hit me in the belly with the melon. Im gonna im gonna retches chuckles ill never forget this night. Hey. If you really want playground buzz, i am pretty sure i saw a possum eating my puddle of barf in the backyard. laughs come on, boys, the shows not over. cheering willow, this is gonna work great. Im so glad we found this in the halloween stuff. I also found this gem. Ohh let them eat cake laughs you ready to do this . Lets crank it to its highest notch and see what this baby can really do. Drop it like its hot. Drop it like its hot laughs screaming zee head i want zee head i love your family, mrs. Rooney. Oh, thank you, evan. That is so sweet. I dont care what my mom says. The bad parents are the fun ones. Happy 14, maya hows 14 . Tell me what its like to be 14, but dont leave anything out. So far its a lot of work. Because you know ill be there soon, well, if youre like me, you can look forward to your mother forgetting your birthday. Oh, no she did not where you goin, honey . Must talk to your mom. Must not get involved. Why do you tell me these things if you dont expect me to fix them . When youre 14, youll understand. How could your mother forget your birthday, maya . Ive stopped trying to figure it out. She was already gone when i woke up this morning. She probably just took an early shift at the diner. Rather than be there for your birthday . Unhuh riles, a friendship ring. Yeah. Two of them. Yeah in case i lose one. No. Well, anybody else would have just gotten me one. No. Oh, i get it. Yeah. One for each hand. No. Ill never take this off until i die. Youll probably die before me since youre older. Should i tell the people not to take it off your dead corpse body . Yeah, would you do that for me . And, maya, the other ring oh, no. If youre not there, whos going to tell the people not to take it off my dead corpse body . Happy birthday, maya. Thanks for not forgetting. Oh, yeah, that reminds me. theme music playing ive been waiting for a day like this to come struck like lightning my hearts beating like a drum on the edge of Something Wonderful face to face with changes whats it all about . Life is crazy but i know i can work it out cause i got you to live it with me i feel all right,im gonna take on the world light up the stars,ive got some pages to turn im singing, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh take on the world, take on the world take on the world, take on the world take on the world, take on the world. Are you really here . Yep, im here. Uncle shawn hey there. Hey. Hey. Okay. Its her birthday. Squeeze her good. Oh, happy birthday, kiddo. You doing Something Special . This is it. Honey, hide the cake before maya gets here. I know, but you know what we should do . We should bring this cake to mayas mother just in case she forgot to get her own kid a cake. Oh, you think that could actually happen . Honey, i grew up with shawn hunter. Remember his mother . She forgot where she lived. Is the first step to forgetting where you live. Oh, thats not your biggest worry anymore. Mayas behind me, isnt she . Why is everybody always behind me . Okay, maya, im not going to turn around because im all embarrassed, but you know how much i like your mother. I know you do. You always defend her. Because at least shes not. No, everythings fine stop talking. Shawns mother what a cuckoo. Ah, its tuesday i better run away laughs you have to laugh, huh, topanga . Nice face. You want to turn around or you want me to turn you around . How you doin, shawn . Well, it aint tuesday, so pretty good. Shawny ah how you doin, buddy . Just here doing a photo essay weekends in new york for under 100. Its impossible. Can i stay here