Thanks a lot at least no one will notice your hair. Fyi, im gonna need another hour in the bathroom. Here we go were leaving the city behind right now lets gather by the campfire light and sing this song all kikiwaka hanging out with someone new then falling out of a camp canoe whats that smell . Its on your shoe all kikiwaka got a smore in my hair mosquitos in our underwear showers broke but we dont care all kikiwaka this is our home away from home away from home away from home but watch your back a bear just ate my phone all kikiwaka, kikiwaka all kikiwaka, kikiwaka okay, first order of business, todays sack race has been canceled due to a camper finding a snake in her sack. How is kyleigh by the way . Good. The doctor said shell probably keep the leg. Quiet ugh great. Now i can add hearing loss to my list of camprelated injuries. What . Item two. There has been a rash of rule violations. Including a thriving black market candy ring, and the woodchuck cabins attempt to flamebroil their bunks megaphone feedback on the bright side, at least my cit knows the proper way to put out an electrical fire. Shes my bfff. Best firefightin friend its obvious ive become a little too lenient around here. So, ive decided to post these. The original camp kikiwaka rules these were written by our founder, the famous fur trader, and summer camp enthusiast, jedediah swearengen. And many of them still apply today. Except, i hope, for the rule about leechbased medical treatments. Now, you cits, its your job to issue a citation any time you see a camper break a rule. And any camper that receives three citations must be punished. Remember, rules are the only thing that hold this place together. That and what state inspectors called a dangerous amount of duct tape five dollar bribes dont go as far as they used to. Hey, kid, dont lean on that railing all gasping i guess i should see if shes okay. Right after i make sure our insurance is up to date. At school, they called me rulebook ravi. chuckles chuckles they also called him joan of narc, narc wahlberg, tattle royale. Okay, i think they get it sheesh, you can not remember my birthday, but you can remember every insulting nickname i ever had. I feel like im forgetting one. gasps oh, yeah. The wicked snitch of the Upper West Side all laughing you gave me that one and then you told on me i see your point. Xander, check it out ravi ross citation boss freeze, neerdowell you know throw the book at them is just an expression, right . I am going to prove to gladys that i have what it takes to be a counselor, even if i do not meet the height requirement. 104. Ill have the kids make you a badge in arts and crafts. Oh, and maybe some lifts for your shoes. Uh, jorge as your cit, i must insist you make your bed. Im just gonna mess it up again. Its the circle of filth. According to the rules, all campers must make their beds in the morning. Maybe i did make it, and a raccoon snuck in and messed it up. sighs after all, they are natures troublemakers. You also blame the raccoons for clogging the toilet. Well, they are natures. Enough i am going to need you to cooperate, sir. Please, make your bed. Oh, come on, lemme slide on this one, bunk buddy. You have given me no choice but to get tough ouchies, papercut ah, zuri now youre hogging this mirror too . If i wanted to stare at other people, id look out a window. You know, you dont have to check yourself in every reflective surface you come across. I dont do that. Please, ive seen you check your makeup in a puddle of maple syrup and i was the prettiest girl at the pancake palace zuri, i order you to take these pictures down. You dont get to be the boss of me just because youre my big sister. Youre right. I get to be the boss of you because im a cit. You know another way to say counselor in training . Not a counselor so, cit ya, wouldnt want to be ya. Huh clears throat if this is a written apology, i accept. No. This is a citation for failure to respect a communal space. What are you, some kinda camp cop . Oh, backtalking a cit . Another citation thats two. Say byebye to your boy toys. Oh, you wanna play that game, sister . It is on like Blake Shelton huh ah touching my stuff citation gasps stealing my citation pad citation write yourself up ravi busted perp coming through dude, what is the problem . You just interrupted a killer cannonball sesh you did not wait the required 30 minutes after eating before swimming, as clearly outlined by rule 41. It was a textbook snacknsplash fine. Just give me a ticket and lemme get back to buttblasting that lake. I am sorry. Between the unmade bed, your tardiness to kickball, and now this, you are up to three citations. The rules state you must be punished. Why are you picking on me, man . I thought we were friends. Just because they are safety scissors, does not mean you can run with them. Hoodlums. Zuri quit it emma no, you quit it gasps hey my collection of corks that look like country stars. If you broke corky chesney, youre going to be sorry you ever met me. I was sorry about that years ago maybe i should just switch cabins thats the first good idea youve had let me help you move. Good because i want to get out of here before you burn the rest of this cabin down what in the wide world of woodchucks is going on in here . both yelling whoa, ladies. Woodchucks never fight. Except during mating season. Then its no holds barred. hissing both hissing why are you two having such a hard time with this . Havent you lived together your whole lives . Yeah, in a giant penthouse. Its so big, my bathroom has a closet. With a bathroom in it. Lou, youre a real counselor. Do you think you could transfer me to another cabin . One with less emma in it . Hey, woodchucks also dont abandon each other. Unless their burrow floods, then its every chuck for herself. Dr. Lou has a better idea. Were gonna settle this the woodchuck way. Does that mean beat each other with paddles . Because ill crack her open like a pinata no. And remind me to stay away from you on cinco de mayo. Youre gonna do canoe therapy. Its my patented conflict resolution technique. Id rather use my patented technique of just ignoring her for the rest of the summer. Ladies, if you can work out your problems in a tiny canoe, then you can work them out in a slightly less tiny cabin. I really am wise beyond my years. We give you money, and you let us do what we want. Nice try. Now, once youve worked your problems out, just give a tug on that rope and ill pull you back in. Do we have to do this . Nope. You can always settle your differences buried neckdeep in a fire ant hill. Canoe therapy it is why are a bunch of campers working in the mess hall . Did the rats finally overpower the kitchen staff . And are serving their time. Although the rats have overtaken the pantry. So do not eat any warm raisins. Hello, xander. Thanks, jorge. And fellow bunkmate who should sleep with one eye open. Uh, might i please have a bowl for my chili . There. Want a knife . No. I have a feeling the chili is dangerous enough. Why are you having jorge serve the food . I saw him blow his nose in his own hair. I am merely enforcing gladyss edict. But its not exactly making you popular around here. I have never been popular. In eighth grade, i was voted, guy we did not know went to our school. But now i am respected. chuckles really . Because when those kids in arts and crafts found out this badge was for you, this is what they made. Why would they make this . Asked and answered. Look, man. There are some good camp rules, like never give a bear an enema. But can i give you some advice . Dont sweat the small stuff. But the small stuff leads to bigger stuff. If i had not punished jorge, who knows what kind of trouble he would be getting into right now . I have a feeling youre gonna find out. chuckles he just left. What . Jorge has flown the coop and apparently he seasoned the chili with an old boot. all spitting hey, keep your hairy legs on your own side, ya furry freak scoffs well, if someone hadnt hogged the bathroom then i wouldve shaved them what are you doing . I dont want the sun in my eyes. Well, i dont want the sun in my eyes gasps hey, watch it it was an accident. Now this is on purpose. gasps that is it imitates pen clicking giggles what are you doing . Im writing you a citation for splashing a superior, but i dont have my pad, so im giving you an imaginary one. But your shame should be real. imitates crumpling gloop, gloop, gloop, chomp aw, an imaginary fish ate it. There you are, scofflaw you almost gave me a heart attack i should probably go to the nurse. Bye ravi halt i doubt you are concerned with cardiovascular health, considering at lunch today you drank a mac and cheese smoothie through a licorice straw. I was carboloading. Speaking of which, i better go unload. Wait. What have you got under your shirt . Um, the tiny, fuzzy beginnings of a glorious chest of hair . Give me that dude, knock it off. Ha that tickles gasps you stole jedediah swearengens original camp rules jorge, how could you . It was actually really simple. Glass is super easy to break. Hey, pinecone emma hey, pinecone lou your canoe therapy sure did help me and pinecone zuri solve our problems. Yeah, youre the best counselor ever pinecone group hug uh, lou . What . chuckles im not doing anything no, youre weird whatever chuckles hey, have you seen emma . The real one, not the pinecone. Emma and zuri are actually working out their problems on the lake. Oh, lous famous canoe therapy a classic. Yeah, im kind of a genius. Im just waiting for them to tug on that rope so i can pull them in. Uh, what rope . Uhoh. shivering im freezing. Quit shivering. Youre shaking the boat, and im trying to do my nails. You stole my nail file again . Yes, because the first time, you took it back. Now thats on you give that back to me no both screaming okay, lous stupid canoe therapy isnt working. Im just going to have her pull us in. gasps oh, no im at the end of my rope. So am i. Youre lucky youre still in this boat no, i mean were no longer tied to the dock were just drifting out into the middle of the lake gasps and lou took the paddles um, maybe we can use our hands to paddle back to camp right uh, which way is camp . Both uhoh. Come on, xander, we gotta save emma and zuri. Yeah, i just wrote emma a new song, and its way too upbeat to play at her funeral dont worry, i know the lakes drift patterns, and itll take at least three hours for them to hit the deadly rapids. How long have they been out there . Four hours. Ugh. Maybe you could put that song in a minor key. Is it just me, or is the bottom of this canoe made entirely of duct tape . No. The pink stuff is bubble gum. Paddle you are in big trouble, mister. First you disobey everything i say, and now you steal the rules . This is almost as ironic as it is naughty okay, okay, ill sneak it back. No, you have done quite enough. I shall go sneak it back. Maybe we can blame the broken glass on a clumsy bird. Or one of your wildly inaccurate softball throws. Not the time, i get that. You stay right here, and we will deal with your punishment when i return. Are you sure you can pull this off without gladys catching you . I went through all of middle School Without being noticed by a female, i think i got this. Gotcha, thief shrieks whyd you stop . Because were paddling a submarine. Oh, i just thought it was really humid. Were gonna have to swim for it ah shivering gasping hey, my feet are caught in some fishing line hang on, ill free you. Oh, shoot, now im stuck too this fishing line must be caught on a submerged log. What do we do now . Scream emma zuri help cit ross, you have been caught with stolen camp property. Care to explain yourself . I am so sorry voice breaking sobbing that was no fun. I didnt even get a chance to put you in the spider box. There is a spider box . Okay, enough stop yelling at him i havent even started yelling whimpering willie over here didnt give me a chance. Jorge, what are you doing here . I told you to stay in the cabin, where you can continue to break the rules and wind, with reckless abandon gladys, im the one who stole the camp rules. Not ravi. I still do not get why you did it. I thought if i got rid of them, i would get my friend back. Finally, i get to yell at someone wait come on actually, this was my fault. Xander is right. I got so caught up in enforcing the rules, that i forgot that the purpose of camp is to make friends and have fun. Im sorry. Bros . Bros. chuckles that was the dumbest thing i have ever heard in my life clearly you have not heard jorge fart reveille. Emma, youre paddling in the wrong direction you mean away from you . Seems right to me shrieks wait, wait, wait, wait do you hear that . Were drifting toward the rapids paddle rapidly its lou and xander they sound like theyre in trouble. Weve got to save them before they drift into the rapids what are you doing . I dont want xander to see me with boat hair. Emma zuri handsome lumberjack what . You had the first two picks. Emma xander lou woodchuck sisters i knew youd come you took your sweet time about it, but i guess thats my fault for taking away your paddles. Wow, emma, your hair looks great clears throat were stuck on some fishing line dont worry, ill help free you guys somehow. gasps here, use the diamond nail file to cut the line hey. Careful, emma. Hey hey, she got us free you guys saved us lets get back to the canoe. Im so glad you guys are safe and i see my canoe therapy worked like a charm. It did . Absolutely. When it mattered, you worked together to free me and xander. So you and xander getting stuck was part of the plan . Absolutely. Yes. Well, i guess sometimes we do make a pretty good team. Yeah, we do. Im sorry for hogging the bathroom. Ill try to be more considerate. And i know youre becoming a young woman, and you need time for hair, makeup and stuff. Ill say. Being a woman is a lot of work. giggles aww, this makes me feel all warm inside. Which is good, because i think i have hypothermia. Soups on, boss you know, if i have to be punished, im glad its with you. Me too, jorge. And it kind of feels good just to be a cit again, and not a cop on the edge. Enjoy hey, thats where my sock went. Trust me, that is the least disgusting ingredient in there