Celebrities. Rosie odonnell, tom arnold, debra messing, i thought they said celebrities. [laughter] rosie, deborah, tom, i think the last hit tom had was from a crack pipe. Just kidding tom, dont sue me, i love you. Who knows what these crusaders will come up with. Im sure theyll get help from adam, mr. Schiff who it seems in the real transcript he decided he better make up one of his ow own. Im in a say this only seven times so you better listen good. I want to make up dirt on my political opponent, lots of it and dont call me again, ill call you when youve done what i asked. A reminder that wasnt just stupid, it was false. But it was what the media wanted to hear so adam obliged. It wonders, if you can mangle a transcript with such creativity, imagine what he could do to other stuff. And now adam reads nursery rhymes. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she didnt know what to do. She gave them some broth without any bread and whipped them all soundly and put them to bed. A wise course of action. [applause] all right. So how is Trump Holding up . Fine considering theres no other man weve ever met that couldve taken it. Theres no other man that weve ever met that couldve taken it. Thats true maybe im a little different up here, i dont know but i enjoy it. Im energized. And boy is he. Ask him was joe biden a good Vice President. He was only a good Vice President because he understood how to kiss barack obamas. Come on, such language. You know theyre going to complain that you use terrible words. They complain sometimes that i use a terrible word. I used help the other day. I got help. They said he use terrible language. I use the word hell. It was so bad. You should hear jayz, the word he was using. He was using the f word and the next day they say i used bad language. A reminder that jayz is not president , but anyway, i get why the media is trying to destroy his presidency. You have record employment, record high median income, prison reform, troops coming home, so why wouldnt you want to ruin that, but i get it. Its a liberal to do when a republican turns out to be better at compassion than you are. If youre adam schiff, you keep changing the story. And now adam schiff reads nursery rhymes. Little jack horner sat in the corner eating a christmas pie. He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum and said what a good boy am i or was he. I feel a chill up my spine. What youre seeing is a shameless brazen effort by the media to undo an election. The question remains how they actually thought this through . You saw that rally and use that energy. The more intensely the establishment media targets those people, the more the Trump Movement gets. When it becomes obvious that its just the New York Times and adam schiff versus midwesterners and red hats, whos going to end up being the hero . Its obvious, canceling out the votes of 60 Million People will turn trump into the most unlikely rebel leader in history, and orange cross. [inaudible] and now adam reads nursery rhymes. Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, mr. Dump the on the wall represents porch of our corrupt president. Humpty dumpty had a great fall, clearly a reference to our fall of democracy under President Trump adam schiff, everybody so how great is this that the left always wanted an american radical leader. There own. Outcome of their own, finally they got one except crab, hes a republican which means media and the democrats, youre on the wrong sites. Lets welcome tonights guest. Author of up in the air, writer walter kern. Hes got wit, sounds like a brit and is full of grit. Author, political, and container and host of the mark stein show, mark stein. Being clever is her favorite endeavor. And youve got the wingspan of pakistan. [inaudible] all right walter, what are your thoughts on this whole impeachment process. Whats going on. Do you see this as a legitimate effort. I live in montana and i dont fly all the way to new york because i have nothing to say, impeachment, number one, theyre trying to convince us for the last few years that theres no deep state. This is not going to work when they have a cia whistleblower come behind the curtain and has an electronic robot voice and says i am from the cia. No deep state. Number two, whistleblowing, there used to be a lonely profession, you stop there at work and you realize something was wrong and you put a message in the complaint box, find x. This isnt whistleblowing. This is band practice. We all heard john brennan say we need more whistleblowers. I need more whistleblowers, now and they all came running. This was the first whistleblower to ever get raises from their bosses. Theres no risk. Their biggest risk is they might get to brookfield instead of one. Oh come on Daniel Ellsberg has been around a lot longer than two books. Maybe ill be whistleblower. Im still reeling from the fact that he read out the entire fox news schedule but everybody, as you point out lou dobbs, maria bartiromo, sean hannity, jesse walters, but its just greg youve got to figure out on the oval Office Hotline when he says hello, this is the white house but when he calls up oh, its greg, oh yeah. Wheres professor marianne. I do agree with this, this is hilarious what walter was saying about the cia guy. He doesnt want, he cant testify in person, we cant see him because hes terrified that he might be killed. Hes a cia. Hes not the guy that repels down zero no, far too risky for that. All right, thoughts on this week cat. I dont know. I think trump should be pretty concerned about this Impeachment Task force. Why. Hes got rosie odonnell. Its like the greatest political genius since abraham lincoln. I looked at her twitter, check out this one bar should be disbarred Impeachment Task force, like fourscore and seven years ago has nothing on that. Very scared. Im just happy i can still read her tweets because a few years ago she blocked me on twitter just because i told her she should take a bath when i was on fox and friends it was a military coup to get trump out of office and i said you should relax, maybe take a bath and light some candles. She started tweeting at me. That ruined our fox and friends. We have a lot to talk about. We were only on their for 18 seconds and thats what we talked about. It was because of you and your fight. Thats amazing that this is the important takehome. Tyrus. I dont know, i was look at things in my own life in my own perspective. I know if i was in trouble at work but me and the boss played golf all the time, like him, impeach away. Your impeached. Okay, hey mitch, am i impeached . No. [laughter] and then just make it awkward, show up at the meeting at the house, hey guys, whats going on, am i still impeached its literally oj has to be laughing because if the entire jury says the glove dont fit he would been like go ahead, try your case. The senate does not fit so hes going to get acquitted. This is a complete waste of time. I never saw that analogy coming up, all right, i think we should move on. Up next, this is great, liz worn caught in another clients voice remember that degree you got in taxation . danny of course you dont because you didnt your job isnt doing hard work. Its making them do hard work. And getting paid for it. vo snap and sort your expenses to save over 4,600 at tax time. Quickbooks. Backing you. What are you doing back there, junior . Since were obviously lost, im rescheduling my Xfinity Customer Service appointment. Ah, relax. I got this. Which gps are you using anyway . A Little Something called instinct. Been using it for years. Yeah, thats what im afraid of. He knows exactly where were going. My whole body is a compass. Oh boy. The my account app makes todays Xfinity Customer Service simple, easy, awesome. Not my thing. I cant wait for the next debat debate. Its happening tuesday and its going to be huge, literally huge, 12 candidates all at once, thats a lot on one stage, this might happen micah. They all died. You think thats funny. No, theyre fine. And what about joe, im worried. He starts out making a point but then he meanders and he ends up thinking what the hell, like when he was at a cnn town hall talking about acceptance. Its normal, its normalized. Its not anything strange. Its not strange. Thats the generic point and the more people who know that, the more they understand it. Remember anderson back 15, 20 years ago, we talked about this in San Francisco it was all about gay bathhouse, roundtheclock sex, come on ma man. [laughter] its all about roundtheclock sex. What the hell. Compare that to trump who talks like a real person and hes trying to remember an article he read on a train five years ago. I cant wait to hear him explain hunter and the ukraine. Then theres liz who has another big fib on her hands and that fundraising email she claim when she was visibly pregnant and the principal told her to skedaddle but school board records show she was offered a new contract but then quit on her own. Worse, she told that version of the story in 2007 so it looks like liz is going to have to find a different tale to fund raise from. Luckily we have some suggestions some things that liz can fund raise off of i never had a glass of water in my life. Thats quite a claim. You remember that grainy footage of bigfoot, yep, that was me in an oversized sweater i got from target who fired me because i wore glasses. Originally my head was to be included on mount rushmore, but they change their mind because im black. [laughter] what you make of lizs latest lie. Well im still stuck on joe bidens gay bathhouse. I knew juergen to be stuck on that. I dont know, i dont want to be stuck in it, but the 12 candidates, i dont really think, i dont think a debate will work, i think they should do each others best anecdotes so i would like varney to reenact Kamala Harris anecdote where she talked to,. [inaudible] smoked dope and listen to tupac before he ever made an album. [laughter] cat, who do you think is going to rise to the occasion, biden or warren or somebody else. Im honestly just really excited that theres finally get to be something people on the thing because everyone is a different learner, everyone learns in different way, i learn when there are 12 people all at once and theyre all trying to talk the most, thats when i learned the most. I wish more schools would implement this model. Look. Its so pointless. No one can learn anything. Im still gonna watch it because the country is counting on me to it provide expert political analysis so i dont want to let you all down. Has special report called yet. No special report hasnt called yet. That was for you bret. Even when i watch, americans are not only watching the debate that theyre getting information from other places when the deciding what they think about these candidates because its really just Performance Art more than anything else. And you never get the best out of anybody on that. I think weve got the best shot. Im just gonna call called out, ive been coaching kids for a long time. Sometimes when you see a kid whos really bad in the moms like hes going to get better and you like no this is where hes at. But couple things real quick, i felt so bad your interest in kuiper because hes sitting there and joe bidens like hey remember that conversation we had late at night there was nowhere for him to go on the stage, like that is the worst feeling. Fellas, if youve ever been out for dinner with friends and your wife and your body brings out remember this trip club where you blew your whole paycheck and youre like and there is nowhere else to go. Real quick. I just want to say ms. Warren, its okay to say listen, nothing bad has ever really happened to me. I just want you guys to know there was a lot of whatifs and possible misunderstandings , but nothing really bad has happened to me, but i can still lead even though ive never really had a traumatic experience. I keep trying to make them up and im not good at it because i never had a traumatic experience. Its okay. The last time i interrupted tyrus we got millions of youtubes. Yes we did so i did that for you. Elizabeth warren, i feel sorry for you, and you know why because you want me to it so badly. [laughter] mayor pete going to be saying he got a paper cut once. I really did get one before no wonder she lied about being pregnant, she learned her lesson when she lied about being an indian to get into harvard. Because she was unfairly fired for the pregnancy, she took on a negative identity, even steven. Even steven . Even steven . [laughter] when we started our business we were paying an arm and a leg for postage. I remember setting up shipstation. One or two clicks and everything was up and running. I was printing out labels and saving money. Shipstation saves us so much time. It makes it really easy and seamless. Pick an order, print everything you need, slap the label onto the box, and its ready to go. Our costs for shipping were cut in half. Just like that. Shipstation. The 1 choice of online sellers. Go to shipstation. Com tv and get 2 months free. Show did trump just hash hillary rematch. Hillary had been saying no to a run then tromped out on his twitter and said hillary should gets on the in the race as long as she explains why she deleted her email while she replied dont tempt me, do your job, gosh i miss those two, so deliciously nasty to each other. There the itchy and scratchy of politics. Anyway, later hillary was asked about the exchange on something called pbs. There was no subpoena as he says in a tweet this morning so maybe there does need to be a rematch. Obviously i can beat him again. That means she thanks she beat trump in 2016. Does she think shes the president now, maybe she is and the rest of us are high on edibles which would make her reelection ad look like this medicare for owls winner of the nobel cheese prize. Flying hi, white house easter egg hunt. Real elect hillary 2020 they are applauding out of confusion. Thats a troubling add, what to think, do you want her to run. Listen, shes not running. I do know why shes doing it, for attention. She knows all she has to do is say shes running and then she can turn around and say wives fox news. [inaudible] either way, im not even hating on her. Im saying game recognizes game. Im obsessed with attention. Look at my job. I threw a funeral for myself when i was 30. If i ever get married i intend to wear one of those airplane neck pillows during the entire ceremony so people will be like what she doing and then ill write about it and youre not much better with your little initials on the floor so im just letting you know, you not much better i mean the painting of you shirtless riding a unicorn, so you recognize it to, you like the attention yourself so im not can i give it to her. Im not going to entertain this, im just going to say youre sick, im sick too but im not an feature illness. Sorry. Hillary running again, i didnt watch the last one so why not, ill check it out. The Democratic Party has just got to be in knots over this. All the momentum they have right now, all the huge events are having, people and anarchy. Ive never seen people so excited. After everything elizabeth warrens been through, she might actually have a real tragedy. Hillary showed up and took it all. Biden and her at a big showdown debate where he turns to bill and says remember when we were talking about 24 hour sex and bathhouses, its tailormade for her to take it. Remember the annoying laugh lady on friends. You know who hillary mark reminds me of, she reminds me of that night in the monty python sketch. He gets is arm cut off and finally hes a stump and hes like dont tempt me. Also this dont tell me thing, thats dirty harry. Remember dirty harry. He was standing with a gun over criminal. He was not lying on the ground with a gun on him. She is making threats that disguise the fact that shes lost two times, and i think shes doing this, i really theorized about this, is it to get attention or is she really running. Im been asked the bannon and he says shes really running and i think she is too. You get attention by running. I think its for real although your idea of hillary as dirty harry is actually a much better idea. Dirty hillary, you gotta ask yourself, punk are you feeling lucky today and then she blows the studio lights out and falls on the floor in the street. I would go see that. We dont need to worry about this whole Hillary Clinton, for what its worth ive enjoyed the first Hillary Clinton term in office. Its been better than i expected. I think i could take her reelection. , the one thing joe biden has done is actually streamline the model because under the clinton model you would have a ukrainian oligarch give 4 million to the Clinton Foundation and in return Chelsea Clinton would give a speech on diarrhea and africa in the woods sleep through the speech and instead joe biden has just made hunter biden a ukrainian oligarch in his own right and so the whole system, hes actually streamline the whole democratic corruption and hes left hillary looking like last years mold. Theres none more to joe biden then gay bar house. Up next. [inaudible] why does the mba appease the communist chinese. It started when Houston Rockets darrell tweeted support in hong kong. Then he deleted it but not before passing off the commies. Certainly chinese businesses were suspending deals which causes the team to apologize and the mba commissioner to say this. Im sympathetic to our interests here and our partners who are upset and i dont think its inconsistent on one hand to be sympathetic to them and at the same time standby our principal. What principles. Theyre putting money before values, the scene nba who lectured americans on better values. They asked the chair to suspend activities in china, the two most polar opposite chairman in d. C. Agree that they suck. Well done. Unity. Now compare that to south park where they bowed and after the coward, they release their own apology saying like the mba we welcome them into our homes and into our hearts. We to love money more than freedom and democracy. She doesnt look just like winnie the pooh at all. Long live the Great Communist Party of china. So in some, south park had this in the mba was this what irritates you most about the story. I think the biggest thing that irritates me is the coverage of this because we have to listen to all of this, he was apologetic that their deals were gonna work out but he would not condemn what the man said. Thats important because they lost money. There gonna lose over a billion dollars in this deal. Im concerned about the player still being over there because they cancel all media, they made it to where its punishable for fans to go see the mba players so i would like them to get there behind home because americans over the communist company upset with us, its not a good idea. The fact that were not listening to the whole story and that bothers me a little bit. A lot of companies were to fire that man, the ones we see in this country all time where they Say Something and they lose their job and career over it i find it hilarious to where if silver was doing what weve been doing over here as a country, he wouldve come out and that guy wouldve been fired and said he doesnt represent the mba but what he said is the unfortunate does happen but we support him in his right for free speech which cost him the deal in china prep. They been doing it for so long they do not care. They watch it and then they watch the episode and they just dont care. The fact that you think theyre going to care is hilarious. Nobody safe, anybody could end up on the cartoon, i think its an honor when they make fun of you, but that is true comedy. They turn this into a thoughtful show like the view. [laughter] heres what i think about the houston rockettes i think they dont have to complain about the tradeoff between money and free speech. Second of all, i think trump isnt weighing in on this because he put himself in a bad position criticizing the nfl. You have to talk about it across the board. This seems to be the place where were playing out all our controversies these days. Thats true. Im with you there. I was hoping this would precipitate a world war, personally because what you have to say, what you mean. Wouldnt it be great, its like a Basketball Team called the rockets cause more of a war been actual rockets. Im with you on waiting till the lacrosse, and my favorite would be ice dancing. I like ice dancing, i love caroling. Where are the carolers on this. Why is nobody from ice dancing speaking out. This is the best reason to have a world war thats come along in ten years. I see trouble brewing and pingpong. I dont know what it is, but its happening. Its not trouble, honestly, i know some of you may disagree, but i cannot be more thrilled about the mba sucking up to china because now i have a principled and patriotic reason to not watch. Before i just had to be like listen, im only on my 23rd run through the Fourth Season of alpha and i want to make sure im not missing any nuances in the humor, you never know, but now i can be like we dont watch that came in this house because were americans and we are patriotic and then everyone will apologize to me, i dont have to watch basketball and i get to look like a patriot instead of a weirdo. I win. They did it for me. Youre gonna have to do more than that to not look like a weirdo. Thank you for completing my thought. The point i think we have to always remember, its about the phony signaling of the mba and then when they had to put their money where the mouth is, they shut up. Boycott. Our wedding costs driving many to commit you wanted a wife, not 25 to life. A texas man, heath bumpus, best name ever, convinced to robbing a bank the day before hthe wedding because he needed money for the ring and the venue. Police posted pictures from the Bank Surveillance camera on facebook. He even attempt to disguise himself. Thats love. Guess who recognized him, his fiancee who said turn yourself in. What a snitch. So he did, the wedding didnt happen on account of him being in jail. Hes been charged with robbery though its still not as bad a crime as this. Ben never gets old. It never gets old. If you gonna rob a bank and take a risk like that, spend it on something awesome like a goldplated submarine. That song wouldve been a much bigger hit if i had been called heath, thats the greatest name ever. I feel very sorry for this guy because he forgot to disguise himself. In fact, i wonder because are you supposed to wear a ski mask, he obviously, maybe he had it with his wedding gear, the guy didnt actually make it to the wedding. She wanted a 3200dollar ring, the poor guy is unemployed i figured it out, he really didnt want to get married. [laughter] and now hes on 300,000 bail first stealing of thousand bucks so the sheriff has done him a favor, he is never going to be married to the gal who wanted the 3200 ring, he paid for the event facility, he paid in 20 bills, but i wanted to see him walking down the aisle with the ski mask on because i think that wouldve been beautiful, very touching. Most romantic gesture ever, cat. Ive never understood the whole big wedding thing. I dont even need for it. There like cat, thats because you dont have a fiance. Thats true but ive never had the urge to spend tens of thousands of dollars for getting everyone drunk and feeding them beef tenderloin. I will dont want to push red skin potatoes and Unrealistic Expectations of love on people, its horrible for single people. Has anyone ever done a stupid thing at the wedding, just my friend, its like going into a Haunted House of emotional minefield if youre single to go to a wedding. If youre married, its bad to because you compare your wedding to their wedding. Its like they have liquor here, we dont have liquor here. Its garbage for everyone. Just get married in your apartment, fellas i just gotta say its okay to say no, we had a dude who drowned himself , have you read that story, he drowned during the proposal. I didnt see that. He want underwater with the snorkel and drown himself. This guy looks at the camera like come get me, he robbed the bank 500 feet from the sheriffs office. Fellas, its okay to say no. Weve gotta learn to say no or hell no. This is where were at the world. Wed rather go to jail or die, listen and understand, ive been at a wedding where i did something stupid. I said yes. [laughter] i get it. I cant really say anything because i wish that i grab a bank before my second wedding. Your second wedding . Yes, my second wedding, but before my fourth. [inaudible] if youre still looking for a fiance, hes available. I do like that you couldnt cheat on me with the woman. A beautiful ending to a strange strange. Four shows remain for the fall to her. We are in jacksonville Tickets Still available. Go to our website for all right see you tomorrow. Theres a reason for it. Just minutes from now President Trump is set to address supporters at the value voters summit in our nations capitol, and house democrats, where impeachment is moving full steam ahead and good evening im john scott and this is the fox report. The president s appearance comes a day after the former u. S. Ambassador to ukraine gave a closed door interview to house lawmakers and she accused the president of pressuring the state department to out her from her post. Democrats hailing it as key testimony as they look into the president s dealings with ukraine, that sparked a whistleblower complaint. But some republicans echo the president , who writes it off as a witch hunt. People are worried about our national security. When we get