Every major. [laughter] i dont like those. I dont know about you but im not into flies or mosquitoes. But who is, really . I dont like snakes too much. I dont like snakes too much. They are a different variety. There almost as bad as children. I know a guy cant stand his children. Horrible human beings. They are a little older now but they are horrible human beings. They would say, why would they leave, they dont even like you . Makes me think about why mc. The song ymca. Why not everyone loves that song . Republicans love it and democrats love it and labors and unions love it. I could be why everyone is looking so much better these days. You look all much better than you did three years ago. [laughter] even when the need to movement began. Better looking. [cheering] excluding cement. Including the men. Not like those phony democrats. How about the phony democrat . They started with russia, prussia, russia. Then they went to race. Then recession, theres going to be recession. Please let there be a recession. [laughter] these are phony people but thats okay. These are phony people but thats okay. When you think of it, im president and they are not. [laughter] [cheering] thank you very much, president trump. Thank you very much, president trump. That was an experiment to show you [bleep] is funny on its own. I dont even have to write a damn joke anymore. I just picked the vexed parts and repeat it. [laughter] which is great. Its less work for me. They are getting more desperate every day. Things are pretty good but they need people to believe its pretty bad. So they frantically try to reanimate the cap story. New york times ran an excerpt from a book the incident of sexual abuse documented. That was on every show and network. I dont once, revealed that they left out a key fact. The victim had no recollection of the incident. Weird how that got past the editors. Details like that, you would think it would matter. They obliterated that detail that was how they maintained their Business Model which appeals to the people that they do. They commit a crime leaving out the part about their not being a victim. Imagine that. Thats a pretty big admission. Thats like writing a book about great americans and forgetting about me. [laughter] thank you very much. That wasnt the only mistake. One day they are pushing false stats, leading to trump rallies. Then another day there running stories about terms feelings and scotland. That was an actual story. Theres other crab about family turmoil. No wonder they tried to smear the kavanaugh. They deliberately warped the truth. I wonder if trump agrees this one of the worst weeks in the history of the fake news media. I think this is one of the worst weeks in the history of the fake news media. The media of our country is left out all over the world now. Your joke. [laughter] its getting harder and harder each day to figure out whats real and what isnt. Out there in media land. If only there was a product for that. Its happening everywhere. In parks, and offices and in homes all across america. This is awful, every time i read the time, i realize its wrong or they leave out facts. I have to waste time rereading the corrections. Ridiculous. Its exhausting. Sounds like you could use some corrections nonsense. Im going for anything. There enhancement that prevents your eyes from seeing all the inaccuracies. They remove everything except the truth. The result get only the facts. This is incredible. It is september 19. I see the word the thc. Does it do anything else . Obscene on programmings tonight. [laughter] the best invention ever. Thank you. Get your corrections nonsense today. Makes up for the fact that my wife wont talk to me. [laughter] g. I. Joe and popeye how to love child. It would be retired sergeant kerry. [cheering] shes always stunning and knows a lot about money. [cheering] small in stature. [cheering] one day he accidentally tripped up guam. What you make of the media performances . Trump has made you immediately lazy. You dont have to write anything. I wish you would put more effort but you dont have to. Its obvious i didnt do the work this week. I had jury duty, i was sitting there and then i was reading trumps words and they go thank you. Dont lose the eye of the tiger. The classes, my favorite movie, it never gets old. The media, the problem is the media continues to fight on this. They are creating it. Theyve been busted. I dont think they can recover from this. They just dont stop. I think the media created a permanent dated public. You no longer buy their bs. These are only analogies. At the big hoops that they forgot. Wasnt even interviewed and she said she doesnt even recall it. They are attacking judge kavanaugh. So they made the retraction and correction. Three president ial candidates immediately, senator warren, beto orourke medially called for kavanaughs resignation. Theres a problem with that. Its wrong. [applause] nobody get punished. They just move on until they find the next crisis, the ukrainian phone call. They issued a correction. [laughter] corrections can be very useful for things like bob was 41, hes really 42. Or like we said sarah was from san diego. Shes really from san jose. Or the woman who was allegedly assaulted does not remember. Same joke. I would like to change the New York Times for something related. I have the receipt here. Maybe if you were working harder, you would have touched on it. I was at jury duty. This is the tweet that New York Times tweeted out to promote this story. It said, having it in your face at a drunken dorm party may seemed like harmless fun but excuse me . [laughter] they took it down but i want to know who, everyone thinks its fun, who . [laughter] [cheering] they deleted no one get punished. Im sorry but someone might invite that person to a party. I do not want that at my business party. [laughter] close out this segment with your wisdom. Its the way the world has turned on white men. [laughter] i cant enjoy this . [laughter] arrested for crimes we didnt commit. You assaulted someone even though theres no one. I feel bad, how does it feel . [laughter] your laughing because old white men no. I sleep with two eyes open. Now they wonder what they did. [laughter] progress. Did they not just make up a crime . So keep in your pants. They issued a correction. They should have a separate issue called the correction. Before we go, weve added a new show in cleveland on september 7. We are headed to jacksonville and knoxville. Go online for ticket info. How weak are the democratic how weak are the Democratic Candidates . Bookers can book literally hundreds of daily deals. 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Speaking of numbers, the latest poll from a place called fox news shows that 26 thinks crimes will be reelected. Back then, we didnt know. Who knew the race would look like this . I think more. In fairness, i do that, too. Theyre taking wagers on who will be the nominee. More bets on hillary than any other candidate. Or ill talk 20 to one. For biden, gazillions. Its not surprising 38 there will be someone new. Who has it to win . Not him. He dropped out. How did trump take it . Too bad, he had tremendous potential. Height. Those the only advantage. Ill never be president. You can wear heels. I do wear heels. Find me at the park, walking my imaginary dog. Thank you. There is nothing wrong with it. Whats your take this week . Any thoughts . As someone who talks about the economy a lot, id start with joe biden. 720 million workers back into the workers that are women, im trying to think, how would you get there . The Unemployment Rates already, im thinking maybe since democrat, most are in favor of open borders, men and women from overseas. Thats how you get to the 720 million. [cheering] maybe, i dont get the bad thing i just feel really bad for joe biden at this time. The statistics that stuck out to meet the most was that 36 of the people who support joe biden are among those who are hoping someone else enters the race. Thats like finding out the present you are dating still has a tender account. Thats a hard thing to face. Hes thinking all these people think hes mr. Right and they think hes mr. All right for now. Supporters are still going out on dates with other people. Thats every relationship in your 20s. Also not just mine . Especially new york city. It wasnt me. It wasnt you at all. National treasure, if you will. A needle in the haystack. [laughter] the entire field right now like a lousy episode. Just aging, platitudes. Maybe. You got cheated on a lot . [laughter] a fair amount. Yes. They are all unemployed. I dont know how the rest of the panel can look themselves in the mirror. I get it, joe biden is old. Worse than that, hes old and white. I get it. They are the bad guys. Watch them, they are everywhere. His little buddy, bernie. As bad, he start out great. His team must, hes doing great. Were talking about jobs. You should get a tax rate with to turn. A smoke bomb and dance team to come out, but as bad as he is, hes whipping the rest of you all so bad, how if i was competing for a job and it was a dance contest and he falls every time, during his dance number and they are still picking hi him yes, that says something. [laughter] it was obvious, obama said hes the bestie could have had. Hes either lying or hiding something. The numbers could possibly work out if all lazy women in the country got to jobs. [laughter] you were all faking it. The Unemployment Rate i do have two jobs leap [bleep] [laughter] so you are stealing jobs from another woman out there. 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Relief and remission danny after a long day of hard work. You have to do more work . Every day youre nearly fried to a crisp, professionally can someone turn on the ac . no . Oh right. cause there isnt any. Here vo automatically sort your expenses and save over 40 hours a month. Without you, we wouldnt have electricity. Our hobby would be going to bed early. vo you earned it, were here to make sure you get it. danny its time to get yours vo quickbooks. Backing you. [ ] aishah live from americas news headquarters, im aishah hasnie. Glasses were raised as the beer float as germany kicked off its 186th oktoberfest saturday. The mayor of munich kicked off the festivities with the tapping of the keg. The area got so overcrowded Security Guard would only allow those with reservations inside. Holy happy birthday batman. The kaipped crusader turning 30. It lit up the night sky with the iconic bat signal. Im aishah hasnie. Is there any going back . After painting your face black . Youve seen pictures of Justin Trudeau wearing a brown face, a new phase, also in High School Singing the banana boat song in blackface. A third instance of black base sometime in the 90s. All coming a month before an election. I wonder if he is sorry. Im really sorry, this is something i deeply regret. I didnt see that from the layers of privilege i have. For that, i am deeply sorry. Deeply . Sounds sincere. No one in his party is calling for his resignation. The media only for the because about this stuff when a non liberal poses kind of crab. It raises one question, why is it the wealthiest guy in the room who has the most to hide . Could there be a connection there . Meanwhile, one question the media kept exiting. How many times . Is a just the three or other more . You know people are looking for them. [laughter] is three not enough . Asking if there are more incidences than just the three seems to imply theres an acceptable amount. Three well, okay but there better not before. Anyway, he didnt say whether there were more but he did say this in french. Im very sorry for what i have done. Im not sorry every saturday night at 10 00 p. M. I watched the fox news channel. [laughter] all is forgiven. [laughter] [applause] lay on the truth. Ridge privileged, famous parents. Liberal progressive. You are so afraid. Let me tell you what i think. I dont care. It was 20 years ago. The first day he was elected, he came out and brown face. He said to get anyone like this out. Thats racist. I myself did some racist things about ten years ago, 15 years ago when i got pulled over by police, i would turn my hat around forward and say, good evening, i didnt know i was driving thought barr. I pretended to have a white voice. My buddy got pulled over, he was white. He said, i didnt know i was going to do that. He said youve got to teach me that, bro. I use that. Im sorry, america. I pretended to have a white voice inside of me. But the boycotts begins now. The only explanation as to why he did it three times is because he didnt know he was racist. If he didnt know, hes just stupid. I want to offer a take on this. I know its my job but i just feel intimidated because i dont think i can offer as impressive overtake as john did. He said multiple times, isnt it nice to see a leader apologize . Clearly taking a dig at president trump. I just dont understand, the fact he was able to take a story about Justin Trudeau wearing brown face and turn it into an opportunity to talk smack about president trump, thats like a kind of gymnastics we have. Thats impressive. This story about the Prime Minister wearing round face and his reaction is, i cant believe that trump guy. Its not really the offensi offensive. I guarantee you if that would have been a republican who did that, i guarantee you it wouldnt be back. Fifteen minutes of silence. Justin trudeau is so insufferable. You are a number that woman, he corrected her, dont say mankind, people kind. Then youve got blackface. Hes got problems. The media would be more outraged if a republican or conservative debt. Thats like saying trump has an orange face. [laughter] he admitted it, he has an orange face. Definitely. If i was a republican, blood would be drawn. Knives would be out. Its a complete double standard. I appreciate everything tyra said, whether or not it seemed racist or is now or was 20 years ago the liberals have made that rule. Even trudeau said that wearing black base, putting dark makeup on his racist but did it not one time but many times. We dont know how many times. We dont know how he sleeps at night. [laughter] its about hypocrisy, everybody here will forgive. We forgive but i dont think anyone there on the other side would ever forgive you or cat [laughter] the thing is, youre right, the phrase in the military, thats your parachute. Write it like its on you. They created the rules. I dont care if you make fun of me, i dont care. [laughter] this has to go away because we arent very forgiving but they wouldnt forgive us for anything. One word, they would be marching on. Its always the locust guy in the world room who has the most. Coming up, Climate Change to pick up school. Cant say i blame him. burke at farmers insurance, weve seen almost everything so we know how to cover almost anything. bert even a notsohandy monster. johnson what is going on in here i cant hear myself think grover what does it look like, sir . I am here to help you with your water heater. johnson oh [sighs defeatedly] grover do not worry sir. I also fix cars [johnson groans] bert grover is a monster of many talents burke and we covered it. At farmers, we know a thing or two because weve seen a thing or two. bert mmm. We are farmers. Bumpadum, bumbumbumbum my grandparents that i never knew. Ch about im a lawyer now, but i had no idea that my grandfather was a federal judge in guatemala. My grandfather used his legal degree and his knowledge to help people that were voiceless in his country. That put a fire in my heart. It made me realize where i got my passion for social justice. Bring your Family History to life like never before. Get started for free at ancestry. Com now im gonna tell my momma that im a traveller im gonna follow the sun transitions™ light under control™ new transitions™ gen 8™ lenses are now faster than ever. And learn more at transitions. Com allowed to skip school. Public schools allow students to participate in Global Climate strike marches during school hours without penalty. 1. 1 million kids were exempt from class or is biden might say, 12. [laughter] any kid that wants to skip out of the protest needs parental consent. Any kid who doesnt get permission has to stay in school so they can be locked up while resenting fair responsible parent. Protests were planned nationwide but not all School District are excusing the absences. Parents would rather they instill the values. One of them said im all for people supporting the causes they believe in but do not force your causes and beliefs on my first grader. [cheering] i remember skipping school looked like this. I have no idea what i was protesting. But i was beautiful. What are your thoughts . First of all, i want to say i love the planet. I might even be biased toward the planet. Ive lived here my whole life. Yes, you have. Literally. I dont know where i would move but at the same time, i think kids should be allowed to be excused for activism. My issue is that thats not what the school is doing. They were saying you are excused to go protest for a cause you are passionate about, they are think we are passionate about this one so youre free to go marching in the streets for us. These kids are not like free workers for your. They are children. Dont pick and choose like that. Theyre not going to be allowed to go, that would have been me. I wouldnt have a career if i missed first grade. [laughter] everybody would have made fun of me and they were already making fun of me for my she mullet, i dont think i could have handled it. Im thinking of a she mullet now. That was my intention. They painted Scarlet Letter on those and kids with mullets. I think activists know. Pressure works in their favor and they dont care. Exactly, its gone too far. Reducing the impacts of whatever you live here, too. Im so happy, my daughter goes to a Public School in a different state. I would be infuriated and outraged, a mother mailed a letter homes to the parents say dont come to school or come to school but everybody is going to be gone because we will be at the protest. Do it on a weekend. This is a free be. Activists know kids are great political weapons. They are easy to bribe. If you criticize the kids, they accuse you of punching down. Youre punching up because they are being used as political tools. [cheering] heres the thing, this is the small kid stuff. When kavanaugh would get hammered, he went to harvard. Harvard law students, you pay a lot of money to go to harvard. They walked out of class because hes a rapist. You are a lawyer. This is how indoctrinated they are. You have law students, probably the most prestigious place, they walked out because hes a rapist. Are you crazy, i would love to piggyback off that. You took us there. Heres my issue with climate control. Its a global problem. Its unattainable for us to face what other countries do. What happens, when i was a kid, it was tangible. Our school had arbor day, heres a free tree, your helping the environment. We all took our little trees and we were so smart and planting them, im not going to vandalize trees. So we got away with weird interviews and stuff because it was bad. It was recycle, this one and that and americans got behind it. It was an obtainable goal. If all these things, you take the kids who went through the day, they come back to school tomorrow, what did you learn . Its about a political statement. [applause] up next, we bought brought a con for support. Billions of mouths. Billions of problems. Morning breath . Garlic breath . Stinky breath . Theres a therabreath for you. Therabreath fresh breath oral rinse instantly fights all types of bad breath and works for 24 hours. So you can. Breathe easy. Theres therabreath at walmart. When your job is going down, send in the clowns. From new zealand, they have them there. Joshua jack. Recently called into a work meeting and feared the worst. He was getting fired. Hell be hired and emotional support cloud. They are legally allowed to bring a support person to help cushion the blow. He did get fired. Having the clown made it not so bad. To jack, it was sort of noisy and making balloon animals. So he did have to tell him to be quiet from time to time. The ground cost 200. Or as joe biden said girl, girl. Im going to milk that joke the whole year. Jack already landed another job. The clown got another job as a piano player. All right, heather. Why isnt this shocking . Is in this direction of the world . Animal, dog, some are seeing ostriches, different types of animals. I was at a meeting years ago when somebodys brother parents to a job review. He probably got fired anyway. And your 200 out of pocket. Theres a huge workplace destruction. Balloon animals were causing so much noise in the office, they had to tell the clown to turn it down a bit but the fact that the workplace, they allow you to bring in a clown. Thats pretty cool. What you think of this . You know, people are great. We are not signing anything or coming in. Mind coming in next thursday . Im not coming. [laughter] i know whats about to happen. You can tell me what you need to tell me now. Im not flying into get fired. How do you not get promoted . True. He literally brought a clown and. Instead of firing me, watch this clown. This could work with cars. Come down and watch me make balloon animals. It was genius. This guy is legend. I have some of my buddies from the military, its helped a lot. Everybody ruins it. Right. People abuse it. People on a plane with the support dog. They can be very emotionally supportive. They walk out with a support wall. That would be weird. I did that once. You had to bring up. You have done this to me all the time. Hurt me in front of people. Im getting you back. Thats it. I only talk about your set. You must be in a relationship. Yes. He stole your wife, i saw your job. [laughter] its true, ive been using words like fancy pants. Letting your hair grow out. Im shattering expectations. Let me get cap in here. We veered off. I would like to say, i respect this. Do not understand it. No offense to clowns or the guy using clowns, brian, if youre watching this, dont you literally dated a bunch of clouds. No, clown college. Brian, not about you. Ive never been in any situation and thought, you know what would make this better . A clown. [laughter] if im getting fired, i dont want to be dancing around with balloon animals, i want somebody with a worse situation than me. Give me the chick who just got served divorce papers and its like her sixth one and shes only 25 and her house just burned down and her safe was full of money in there. Give me . Give me . I didnt expect this turn. [upbeat music] now im gonna tell my momma that im a traveller im gonna follow the sun now im gonna tell my momma that im a traveller transitions™ light under control™ have you lost weight . Of course i have ever since i started renting from national. Because national lets me lose the wait at the counter. And choose any car in the aisle. And i dont wait when i return, thanks to drop go. At national, i can lose the wait. And keep it off. Looking good, patrick. I know. vo go national. Go like a pro. 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