Transcripts For FOXNEWSW The Greg Gutfeld Show 20190519

For political reasons, and america was, like, who . [laughter] then after hearing her rant for a while, most people realize her vowing not to have sex might be a good thing. Its like hearing that maroon five is retiring from music. [laughter] or that the neighbor who keeps peeing in your yard finally died. [laughter] or maybe the public simply has Better Things to think about. Thats the thing about celebrities. Where do they find the time to lecture us about life as their own lives fall apart . Maybe its time we returned the favor. Hi you know me as the guy who unclogged your drain. Yes. Replaced your hip. I changed your tires, fixed your transmission so your car didnt blow up. Were the nobodies of america. We arent celebrities we arent famous. But we heard some celebrities want a sex strike. So were going to have a strike of our own. Against those selfrighteous stars who preach morals who have had four marriages in five years against pop stars who post half naked selfies on instagram, then demand privacy when they get in trouble doing horse tranquilizers in a bathroom. Go on talk shows while so obviously high as freaking kites. Against obnoxious, overpaid actress who preached gun control while firing zillions of weapons in every movie against those who lecture us on the environment for hopping on a jet packed with hookers and blow. That were also flown in. How do we strike . The next time were pushing some product we might just choose something else. Or maybe, just maybe, folks we wont strike at all, because weve got a country to run. Maybe you should remember that and quit being such jackasses. This message brought to you by the nobodies of america. Well done. [cheers and applause] greg in other news, oh, yeah, turns out scientists reanimated lurch from the Addams Family and programmed him to run for president. [laughter] theres plenty of money in this world. Theres plenty of money in this country. [cheers and applause] its just in the wrong hands. [laughter] greg its too perfect. Theres plenty of money in this country, its just in the wrong hands . Its like they dug up karl marx is stretched him on the rack. [laughter] hes half idiot, half moron and all communist. The dems are screwed. They need to find their own trump, not their own marble slab of termiteinfested driftwood. [laughter] is that a little harsh . Anyway, de blasio running for president , can you believe it . I cant believe it. I just heard that the worst mayor in the history of new york city and without question the worst mayor in the United States is now running for president. Its just not gonna happen. If you like high taxes and if you like crime, you could vote for him. But most people arent into that. Really, itd be better off if you got back to new york city and did your job with the little time you have left. [cheers and applause] greg i dont care what you say, he is americas heckler. [laughter] but, boy, is de blasio hated. Everyone despises him. Cabbies, cops, lefties, righties heres how the average new yorker greeted him as he announced his run. Liar liar cant run the city, cant run the country. Greg oh, man, they treated Anthony Wiener better, and hes a sex offender. [laughter] and de blasios own party hates him. 74 of democrats think he shouldnt run. He is less popular than subway vomit. [laughter] heres the chart. Yep, by a wide margin [laughter] people prefer subway vomit over a president dethe blass owe. De blasio. So why is he doing this . I have a theory. Hes high. [laughter] the weed is getting way stronger [laughter] and he hasnt adjusted his intake. So now captain stoner thinks he can run the country. See, i prefer the good old days when you got high and ate uncooked ramen noodles, not run for president. [laughter] actually, the only reason this vertical t the urd is still here t the urd is still here, nyc had a great run under giuliani and bloomberg, so the city figured, hey, why not let an idiot run the city for a while . Its like getting a face tattoo. Lets make my mother cry. Americas not like new york. They like City Slickers but only if theyre knocking the hell out of the swamp creatures. We are knocking the hell out of the swamp creatures, as we call them. They say, what the hell is going on . [applause] greg or trying to pronounce the name of a bridge. I10 bridge, you know the i10 bridge . Callcakcoo. I like i10 much better. Do you mind . Okay, youve been saying that word your whole lives. Me, i just heard it about 20 minutes ago. [laughter] greg can he just be president for life . [laughter] i wonder if bernies crazy. Bernies crazy. [laughter] but bernies got a lot more energy than biden, so you never know. No, no, bernies got a lot of energy, but its energy to get rid of your jobs. Hes got the opposite energy that you produce. Not good energy. You dont like his energy. [laughter] greg but what of pocahontas . Pocahontas, i think, is probably out. [laughter] greg thanks to him. Meanwhile, life rolls on, and a prediction comes true. A few years ago we wondered here at the show what would happen if we reversed tensions with global adversaries, meaning instead of always hearing about how iran wants to destroy us, what if iran started hearing about us destroying them . What if america became the dangerous dude in the bar . Well, its happening. And whats the result . Are you hearing iran shout death to america . Nope. Instead, you hear the ayatollah saying, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa [laughter] we dont want a war. Where do you get that idea . Thats the reversal. We used to be this guy. [laughter] now [applause] now were in the guy. [laughter] [cheers and applause] it ended well for him. It ended well for that gentleman. So we have a president willing to scare the other countries for once, and its working, which also terrifies the media. I mean, what if this unstable maniac happens to be right and youre wrong . By now, they should be used to it. [cheers and applause] greg thank you very much. Finish lets welcome tonights guests. Hes so tough, barbed wire got a tattoo of him in the 90s, Master Sergeant terry schaaf earth. [cheers and applause] hes still attractive, he makes magnets jealous. His new book is called success factor x, actor sean canaan. [cheers and applause] host of the tyrus and and timpf contest, kat timpf. [cheers and applause] greg hes so tall, hes never seen a sunset, former wwe superstar, my massive sidekick tyrus. [cheers and applause] all right, terry. Fantastic work there. Greg thank you. But he writes it for you, doesnt he . Greg yeah, trump writes it for you. He gives it to you on a silver platter, and you just present it in a nice way. Greg i do. And lets stop talking about how lazy i am [laughter] and how much youve aged in the past few years. [laughter] that hurts. Greg anyway, lets talk about youre pretty good with foreign policy. Before we do this, thats for my mom, its a picture from me. Thats a unicorn greg by the way, you can change that picture after the show. Not until. Seeing the inside of an emergency room later. [laughter] yes, foreign policy. Sorry. Greg yeah. Lets get to the point, you rambling weirdo. Iran, thoughts. Theyre really nice people. No. Youre right, we were sort of talking about it back there. For once, its nice to stand up to them. Theres a lot of people wringing their hands. I was 25 years in special forces, so i get the potential problem and the life and death. I do get that. But i also know obama kind of, to his discredit, has set us up a bit here. 1. 5 billion, validating them. And i was thinking about this coming in, weve normalized things. So weve normalized the idea that iran can have a nuclear weapon, now its like lets not hurt each other. I get on a plane today from north carolina, i cant bring a water bottle, i cant do this, i have to pay extra money for greg i have to wear pants and boots, which is wrong. Again, people forget, why are we doing that . Well, theres a monument down the street here, but we just accept it as the new norm. Greg right. The new norm should not be lets just buckle and try to find a way. No, crush em. At least make them think theyre going to get crushed, and thats worth it. Greg thats a good point, whatever your name is. Why do you even is can me questions . [applause] greg sean, didnt you do its a full house . I did not no. Greg you were with Alyssa Milano briefly. It was whos the boss. I cant remember, it was, like, 30 years ago. Greg back when you were in your 40s. Yeah, right. [laughter] whats wrong with you . Greg what are your thoughts on lets talk about trump, or you can talk about alyssa, if you want whiplash right there. Greg we can talk about trump and his effect on politics in general. This whole thing that you were talking about terry with, i dont get these guys. Theyre the ones that Fund Terrorism all over the middle east, and now suddenly their nose is out of joint because theres a Carrier Strike group sent over to check their asses . Its about time. Theyre like the little drunk guy after a bar closes, and they greg. [laughter] [applause] they start provoking the big guy, and when he starts walking toward them, theyre like, hold me back, hold me back. Greg that is me. [laughter] although i just do it at home. I dont really go to bars anymore. You know, kat, are you tired of woke celebs . Now theyre just ultra woke. Yeah, i am. And especially Alyssa Milano, because she may think that shes super woke and progressive and feminist, but what she was doing with this is actually one of the most sexist, puritanical things ive ever seen. What shes doing is perpetuating that antiquated notion that women only have sex as a bargaining chip or as a concession to men instead of enjoying sex for its own sake [cheers and applause] greg you pervert and she said that republicans are the ones trying to bring about the handmaids tale, shes also said republicans are shes all about women wanting the control their own bodies, but shes telling me what to do with mine . I dont think so. And also, what is sex . Hi, dad. [laughter] greg youre saying this purely from a hypothetical hypothetical. I took a guess. Where are these girls that dig sex for sex [laughter] im asking. Ironic, her new show is called insatiable. Greg see, i didnt even know she had a show. Good for her. Tyrus . I had planned a couple of strikes myself in counter of the sex strike. Got at least five or is six other dudes [laughter] a conversation strike was going down, a checkingin strike was going down [laughter] and listening about your mother was going down. [applause] i had a whole, a whole bunch of em. An arsenal. Guess what, ladies . You take that away, we got nothing to talk about. [laughter] but its just a typical thing with celebrities. Sex strike, whos with me . [laughter] you know what i mean . Don lemon will run it anyway. Usually people like, yeah, lets do it. Lets be real. You dont have anyone to sex strike with, so youre already on a sex strike greg its like me giving up escargot. I just dont understand how she doesnt see the irony. Bodily autonomy for women but dont have sex with yours. What are you talking about . Greg seems like shes no longer the boss. Oh, my god, greg, well played. Low hanging fruit. Greg im very short, so i need it or i wont eat. Thats how i survived in the serengeti. What am i talking about . [laughter] all right. Im going to say, coming up, awesome beto gets a haircut. Stay tuned. [cheers and applause] to look at me now, you dont see psoriasis. You see clear skin. Cosentyx can help people with moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis find clear skin that can last. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. How sexy are these elbows . Ask your dermatologist about cosentyx. Need a change of scenery . Kayak searches hundreds of travel sites even our competitors so you can be confident youre getting the right flight at the best price. Kayak. Search one and done. Onmillionth order. R. There goes our first big order. 44, 45, 46. How many of these did they order . Ooh, thats hot. You know, we could sell these. Nah. We dont bake. Opportunity. What we deliver by delivering. And now, the greg gutfeld show presents the 2020 candidates. Greg nice job. 23 democrats, 23 faces, its hike a collection of halloween masks and, boy, are they scary. Only one will take on donald trump. Will it be beto . He tried to reset his campaign on something called the view. Would you say those were mistakes, being on the cover of vanity fair . Its elitist, what . Yeah, yeah. I think it reinforces that perception of privilege, and that headline that said i was born to be in this, in the article i was attempting to say that i felt my calling was in public service. No one is born to be president of the United States of america, least of all me. Greg oh, god i gotta say something. I have never in my career wanted to do a fight for charity before [laughter] and i got that tell you, if beto wants to step in the octagon [cheers and applause] greg sean, i find this interesting, but let me finish this. It is your show, greg. [laughter] greg all right. Is so this is the new beto. No more posting his trips to dentist. That was the old beto. The new beto live streams his haircut. [laughter] hey, beto the, how are the kids doing . Theyre done to under two weeks left in school, so theyre all excited, this morning we were talking about how many days are left in the school year. Were cutting out some of this ear hair that you get when you get older. It grows out of your ears. You dont get it cut, it can be nasty. Greg he really is the opposite of appealing. [laughter] hes going to need a lot of resets. Meantime, Kirsten Gillibrand was asked if she was being underestimated. She said, quote i think people are generally biased against women. What a mean thing to say about her own party. And wasnt the last candidate the dems ran a woman [laughter] who as dems like to point out, won the popular vote . Thats gender bias . With such a big field, who will rise to top and possibly beat trump . Maybe none of them . Just ask mark cuban. Who do you think has the best chance against President Trump . Nobody right now. [laughter] greg kind of makes you wonder. [cheers and applause] 300g 350 million people, and thats the best we could do . 350 million people, and thats the best we could do. I dont think so. Finish even as democrats, i can pick better than that. Greg oh, this is going to be fun. Americas heckler. All right, kat, are you sexist for not supporting Kirsten Gillibrand . I thought about that because i dont support her, and i didnt think i was sexist against myself [laughter] i dont think her problem is that shes a woman. I think her problem is that she is so boring that she cant make headlines. And even when she does, the headlines are about how boring she is. [laughter] kat, say that again. Vote for me, i played beer pong with water hike, vote for me, Somebody Just pushed past me to get ranch dressing while i was talking. [laughter] i am not a political consultant, but i feel like a good rule of thumb is if your candidate is less interesting than a condiment, you probably picked the wrong one. Nicely done. [cheers and applause] greg sean . Is. Yes, sir. Greg i believe you challenged beto to a fight because you know you could beat him up. I dont even care, i just want to take a shot. [laughter] the apology. Im sorry. [laughter] greg you know, look, they have a saying in texas, and i know this because im from pennsylvania [laughter] this guy is all hat and no cattle, so get along, little doggy. I just dont get it. Greg im all at cattle and no hat, but thats a medical problem. Im all beef and thats something else. Greg tyrus, im tying my shoe right now. You didnt even look down. That was good. [cheers and applause] now for your next trick, do this. [laughter] greg terrible. Thoughts on the race. Is there one . I dont think you know what . I think the new slogan for, what is their, 25 . 2024, i think we got this. [laughter] thats where you go. Theyre in theyre already on rerelaunches. Greg yeah, yeah. I thought, poor beto, man. He was getting fed lines. She was, like, so youre sorry, right . Youre in vanity fair, right . Wow, i cant wait. How would that negotiation go with china . [laughter] right . He would come out of that meeting, id just like to say to remaining 36 states, were going to get our stuff together. The rest of you, please pack your bags, you now belong to china. [laughter] sorry. Greg terry, i look at beto, and you can tell hes unhappy about his lot in life. Hes a guy who really wanted his own ted talk. But to be up there and wave his arms about anything, he has no sub substance. He wishes he was in green day, is so he just had to marry a rich woman. Thats true. Theres some of them i dont even know. Theres, like, 25. But the ones i see a lot, theyre basically garden variety, leftwing socialists that identify different victim groups, and those change all the time. I think a lot of people, whatever side youre on, the whole victim thing is getting kind of old. [laughter] greg we need to get beyond that. All right, ive got to wrap. I personally at the new yorker would like to apologize to america for serving you de blasio and gillibrand. All right. Up next the vick victorias sect fashion show wont be on tv anymore. Too bad, they were always so informative. [cheers and applause] [music and singing in the background] [music and singing in the background] [music and singing in the background] when it comes to the quality of our cars the highest. Its why only 1 in 10 cars we look at qualify to sell on our site. If its been in a reported accident, we wont sell it. 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Bonnie kimball was terminated for feeding a student who couldnt pay. She was offered her job back friday but doesnt want it. Kimball says the companys worried about negative headlines is and no the response on the offer. Now back to greg gutfeld show. Greg the victorias secret fashion show will no longer be televised. Let me be the first to say nightynight. [laughter] i hate you that was great. I thought that was good. Greg for the First Time Since 2001, the underwear parade will not be seen on network tv. In a memo to staff staff, the companys ceo said network tv is no longer the right fit, and they will rethink the annual event. The show had been declining in ratings in recent years, so who knows, maybe it will be shown on some digital platform. [laughter] digital. Theres a joke in there, and im not going to explain if it to you people, because you dont deserve it. [laughter] anyway, meanwhile, i hear theyre going to replace it with a remake of chips. [laughter] greg is there any other way to ride, than dirty . Sean, heart broken . I think its a horrible idea, i dont support it. Beg fan of victorias secret. Seeing the Network Executives saying, okay, we need something thats progressive, edgy, dynamic, lets go with season 17 of ncis. Greg there you go. [laughter] yeah. There is season 17, tyrus, of ncis. Really . Im still waiting for season 1. If it aint law and order greg is it depressing that somehow everything is going away because its somehow violating something . Yes. Tbrg gg yes. [laughter] i dont know how to answer that. Greg yeah, i know. You know, every time i ever heard about victorias secrets, it was would i look fat in that . Would you would i look good in that . Yeah, youd look phenomenal. A lot of thing girls have thick girls have wigs. Its an argument for me, im glad its gone. [laughter] lets be honest. Like, most women that were in relationships with, honey, are healthy, and theyre not starving molds on a runway. Theres nothing wrong with the target underwear. Its good, its fine. All good. [laughter] greg any underwear, when youre there, if you get there, then it doesnt really its like, hooray, thats great. Terry, you buy a lot from victorias secret, and you dont even have a girlfriend, which is interesting. [laughter] isnt it weird that it was on tv in the first place . Yeah. [laughter] good one, because ive never watched it. Not because i dont like those girls with wings, because who doesnt like that, but it seemed weird. Greg where are the men, you kept saying, where are the men [laughter] what are you laughing at . Tyrus, hook at me, eye contact. Look at me. A lot of judgment, tyrus. [laughter] thick girls with wings, thats going to stay with me. If you were watching network television, i felt like that was reading a playboy in front of my mom. You dont do that. You hide it under the bed. Greg also, kat the, it discriminates against the plain. I would get arrested if i dressed like that in a public park, and i know from experience. [laughter] a lot of my friends, who are women, enjoyed watching this greg right. And i dont get it. I dont know whats fun to sit there and be like, oh, her bodys better than mine, i like this. [laughter] like why not just invite someone over to sit and call you a stuffy little troll for three hours . [laughter] i dont understand at all. [cheers and applause] but i have been forced to watch it though, greg, with those the friends, and knowing one thing made me feel better, they have fake hair too [cheers and applause] greg i dont know, i dont know. You know, part of me is, like, i never watched it anyway, never. But, like, beauty pageants are getting rid of the swim suit the its not that theyre going away, its why. Greg you cant tell dirty jokes anymore at the hospital [laughter] anyway, id better move on. Its why theyre going away that sucks. Im not done. Greg up next, whens the last time you made a new friend . Weve got a new product idea that will make you the talk of the town. Thats next. [cheers and applause] hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. And i recently had hi, ia heart attack. It changed my life. But im a survivor. After my heart attack, my doctor prescribed brilinta. Its for people who have been hospitalized for a heart attack. Brilinta is taken with a lowdose aspirin. No more than 100 milligrams as it affects how well brilinta works. Brilinta helps keep platelets from sticking together and forming a clot. In a clinical study, brilinta worked better than plavix. Brilinta reduced the chance of having another heart attack. Or dying from one. Dont stop taking brilinta without talking to your doctor, since stopping it too soon increases your risk of clots in your stent, heart attack, stroke, and even death. Brilinta may cause bruising or bleeding more easily, or serious, sometimes fatal bleeding. Dont take brilinta if you have bleeding, like stomach ulcers, a history of bleeding in the brain, or severe liver problems. Slow heart rhythm has been reported. Tell your doctor about bleeding new or unexpected shortness of breath any planned surgery, and all medicines you take. If you recently had a heart attack, ask your doctor if brilinta is right for you. My heart is worth brilinta. If you cant afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. Applebees new loaded fajitas. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood. Greg have we reached the end in finding new friends . A new study shows the average american hasnt made a new friend in five years. Some reasons include shyness and introversion, commitments to family, lacking hobbies that allow them to meet new people. But thankfully, finding a new buddy just got a whole lot easier. Watch. Making friends is hard. I just moved to city, and i dont really have any hobbies. I just wish there were an easier way to make friends. Now there is. Its a briefcase full of 400,000. Hey, whats up, guys . You want to talk about sports . Were okay, pal. What if i give you all of this money . Okay, how about those mets . Hey, do you think you could help me move my stuff . Its really heavy. Sorry, buddy. Wait, what if i gave you all of this money . Ill men help you out, dude. I have to tell you about my day, ill give you all this money. Im listening its yours for 400,000 shipping and handling. [cheers and applause] greg tyrus, what are you thoughts on this study . The word friend is a big term. Finish like, i think it depends on who you are. Like, i made most of my friends when i was younger, and i really dont need new ones. So, and the places i go are not really places i want to make friends, when im at the gym, on this show [laughter] things i just its like different. Also, i mean, people are on the internet so much, why do you want to be friends with a guy whos talking to a fake woman from vietnam on his id pad all day . The worlds changed. Theres not much interaction greg its hard to be a friend with you, tyrus. We cant go to park and play seesaw. [laughter] ill go blind. I go flying into space. Because thats what you want to do, you want to go to park see, i knew this was going to be some weird outlet. Im not taking the magic pill with you either over wine, so let it go. Greg kat, thoughts . Well, i think its actually pretty easy to make friends. I make a new friend every, like, 10 hours. It is the keeping the friend that is hard. [laughter] especially if youre a woman. All you have to do, walk into a bar bathroom and start washing your hands next to someone. Or if that doesnt work, ask her for a tampon. You will have a conversation, you will follow each other on instagram, and youll feel bad unfollowing each other, so youll just keep following each other until you die, and if thats not friendship, i dont know what is, greg. [laughter] i hadnt thought about that at all. Men dont talk in the bathroom. Greg i have a theory, terry yes, sir. Greg did you know that if you were murdered, theres a 95 chance that you, the victim, will know the perpetrate ther . So its far safer not to know anyone [laughter] like if you dont want to get attacked by the shark, dont go in the water . Greg you die old and alone if you dont have friends, you dont get murdered. Im working on it. Yeah. I dont know, man, i think tyrus is right. The societys changed a bit. It depends what you do. Most people when they get to their careers, they probably stay in that area. Me, as an International Man of mystery, im meeting people all the time. [laughter] im meeting all sorts of friends greg theres not much mystery to you. We know what you do not nice, and im not loving your tone, but thats okay. Well get along this is why were not together anymore, because you like to embarrass me in front of people. I think it changes and theres a lot of internet stuff but, yeah, man, i make new friends quite a bit. It depends. But i think when youre younger im talking about core friends. That you dont have to speak to, like, me and my boys dont talk for, like, five years yeah. I wont talk to those cats forever, but when i get on the phone greg cats . You can be friends i talk like an upside down pyramid. When you get older and you know what you want out of life, your friend pool gets smaller and smaller. Thats why, right. [laughter] and we start dying. Greg thats true. Most of my friends are dead. Usually its my fault. [laughter] yeah. Terrible cook. You are a terrible cook. Greg thats right. But a great cuddler. Greg you should look at friends like as an expertise leech are, meaning that you have a satellite of pals, and each one has a unique talent that you can exploit, kind of like superfriends. Like an ateam. Greg each friend should have something, and you should have something too. I dont, but so just use people. Greg thank you for saving me on that. [laughter] all right, up next, is humor dead . Well, if youre watching seth meyers, the answer is probably yes. [cheers and applause] so in this commercial we see two travelers at a comfort inn with a glow around them, so people watching will be like, wow, maybe ill glow too if i book direct at choicehotels. Com. Who glows . Just say, badda book. Badda boom. Book now at choicehotels. Com. t easy. 12 hours . 20 dogs . Wheres your belly rubs . After a day of chasing dogs you shouldnt have to chase down payments. vo send invoices and accept payments to get paid twice as fast. danny its time to get yours vo quickbooks. Backing you. My dream car. It turns out, they want me to start next month. She can stay with you to finish her senior year. Things will be tight but, we can make this work. Now. Grandpa, what about your dream car . This is my dream now. Principal we can help you plan for that. Greg they werent amusedded at his joke about booze. A man was allegedly are booted off a Southwest Airlines flight for making a joke about vodka. Takeoff was delayed a few hours. Attendants were giving out water, and one guy asked if they were handing out vodka, because theyd been handing out forever. The guy joked, hey, this isnt vodka. She didnt laugh, and despite other passengers defending him, the plane returned to the gate, and cops asked the man to leave. Southwest, to their credit, instant hi executed him. [laughter] they released this statement we regret any less than positive education appearance a customer has onboard our aircraft. Makes sense, it could have been worse, could have been this guy. Oh [laughter] greg child should be arrested. Sean, i maintain that humor is a device that is used to deescalate situations from violence. We have a generation that doesnt like humor. Which mean were going to have more violence. I completely agree with that. First of all, isnt southwest supposed to be the fun airline . Greg yes i read this article, and basically, i guess the guy who got kick off, his wife had said to Flight Attendant, hook, weve all been on this tarmac for a while, take it easy, and she said, well, ive been on the tarmac too for a while, and im like, youre a Flight Attendant. [laughter] its your job. Greg that is so true. Give me a vodka. Greg terry . What. Greg i dont know. [laughter] this is the part where you respond with witty or informative banter. I dont actually drink on planes, man, i feel crappy when i get to where im going. So thats all ive got. But i think youre right about the sense of humor. [laughter] youre right about i think if you, segwaying a little bit, you can see how society is or isnt is the state of comedy. Comedians now are shackled. They wont go on campuses because they get its not funny anymore. Greg some are actually embracing the humorlessness. Like seth meyers, you watch his show, and hes basically a school marm. Yeah. People used to be shocking, kat. I was going to say the minute the shocking stuff and the ability to say these kinds of things, the ability to have that, its taken away from you, youre done. Societys like youre getting crushed. Its a good thermometer. Barometer. Greg barometer, thermometer here we go. Of. Greg its a bigger problem than the southwest story which were using as a trampoline to bigger issues. Right. I am a libertarian, so i feel like most things should be legal. This should not be. Because if you cant make a joke about a liquid that comes from a root vegetable, you are not living in a free country. Greg that is true. I just wish i could have been there at the gate when they had to turn around, maam, whyd you turn this plane around . Well, because a guy made a joke about a vegetable product. If you cant have that kind of power if youre that kind of stupid. I really, really dont think you can. [cheers and applause] greg tyrus, this could be a story that had another part to it that we dont know . Oh, theres a big part to it, and i cant believe no ones letting this go. The story says man can kicked off the plane, that means his wife went anyway . [laughter] he got kicked off the plane, and his wife said, well, i mean, i told you not to timings everything. A bad joke is a bad joke. He got kicked off by himself. Yeah. Ill take your cheeseits. The wife went. Were okay with that. [applause] if it would have been the other way around, if old margaret well call her margaret, i like that if margaret cracked the vodka joke, guess what her second joke would have been . Greg what . Lets go. Honey, why are you sitting there . [cheers and applause] [laughter] and then the husband would have been, like, well, dear im going. And then he would have had to leaf. Sexist, man. Greg i think this is the product of safe spaces. I mean, im probably 87 wrong on this, maybe the Flight Attendant is younger we dont know. Or really old. It wasnt greg old Flight Attendants are hilarious. They are so much fun, they always give you booze, and they watch fox. It wasnt even a joke. He just said this is not vodka. That was true. It was just stating the fact. It was ridiculous. Greg if youre telling kids that a joke is like a physical projectile so when somebody says something, they go, ooh, ah thats my impression ill give it a 6. Greg do i have a future in acting . The. Tighten up a little bit, youre good. Greg you know im a method actor, or am i a methadone actor . Anyway thats good. [laughter] final thoughts next. [cheers and applause] this is the ocean. Just listen. vo theres so much we want to show her. We needed a car that would last long enough to see it all. avo subaru outback. Ninety eight percent are still on the road after 10 years. Come on mom, lets go i swibecause they let metual, customize my insurance. And as a fitness junkie, i customize everything, like my bike, and my calves. Liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. coughing need a change of scenery . Kayak searches hundreds of travel sites and filters by cabin class, wifi and more. So you can be confident youre getting the right flight at the best price. Kayak. Search one and done. I dont know. Our relationship is just kinda boring. Uhm, youre not alone. I used to have a limited selection of shows ondemand. And let me tell you, it got very boring. I got directv last week and they have more than 50,000 titles to choose from. But what about my problems . Classic narcissist. What was that . Nothing. Tv without thousands titles on demand is just kinda tv. Dont just kinda tv. Directv sign up for directv and get hbo included for a year. Call 1. 800. Directv your control. Like bedhead. Hmmmm. Rubadub ducky. And then. Theres national car rental. At national, im in total control. I can just skip the counter and choose any car in the aisle i like. So i can rent fast without getting a hair out of place. Heeeeey. Hey ah, control. vo go national. Go like a pro. If you have a garden you know, weeds are lowdown little scoundrels. Draw the line with roundup. The sure shot wand extends with a protective shield to target weeds precisely and kill them right down to the root. Roundup brand. Trusted for over 40 years. If you have moderate to Little Things can be a big deal. Thats why theres otezla. Otezla is not a cream. Its a pill that treats plaque psoriasis differently. With otezla, 75 clearer skin is achievable. Dont use if youre allergic to otezla. It may cause severe diarrhea, nausea, or vomiting. Otezla is associated with an increased risk of depression. Tell your doctor if you have a history of depression or suicidal thoughts or if these feelings develop. Some people taking otezla reported weight loss. Your doctor should monitor your weight and may stop treatment. Upper respiratory tract infection and headache may occur. Tell your doctor about your medicines and if youre pregnant or planning to be. Ready to treat differently with a pill . Otezla. Show more of you. Final thoughts. Its the last thought thats why its called the final thoughts, okay . Greg all right final thoughts, terry. Sounds kind of depressing. Hey, i got a pretty funny show on amazon and netflix, its called hollywood weapons. Big fun, explosions, guns. Check it out. [cheers and applause] greg sean . I assume you have a new book out. I do. I have a new book out. Its called success factor x with my partner, joe lieberman. We went to 50 of americas best and asked them for their advice, and one of those is Master Sergeant terry schappert. [applause] they were going to ask greg, but they just figured out hes not that successful. [laughter] greg youre fired. Kat . I dont know. I seriously ate too much the cabbage before the show, and i just want to go home. Greg what is the effect . I feel like im going to throw up. Greg really . It was stuffed cabbage. Greg that could be great tv. If i threw up . Greg yeah. Okay, elle work on it. Ill work on it. [laughter] if you get a chance, check out tyrus and timpf oh, yeah. [laughter] throwing up cabbage or the podcast. Maybe i can get her to throw up on there next week. [laughter] [cheers and applause] greg well, i think we threw up a good show. Thanks to terry, sean, kat and tyrus, our studio always yens. [cheers and applause] im greg gutfeld, i love you, america. [cheers and applause] on life, liberty and levin. This is a fox news alert, this is day nine of the sex strike, and things are getting very tense. As you know, republican Governor Brian Kemp signed a heartbeat abortion bill in the state of georgia. Celebrity activist alyssa my elan know tweeted this reproductive rights are are beig erased. We just cannot risk pregnancy. Join me by not having sex until we get bodily autonomy back. Im calling for a sex strike. Pass it on. If many men across the country are suffering, especially in the state of georgia, and they dont know how long they can last. So men were