Lets welcome tonights guest. He shaves with a hatchet and lathers with a can of ready whip. U. S. Army special forces member, terry shaper. She thought frozen was a movie about our joanna. Hes sharp and funny like a knife that tickles you while stabbing with u job writer and comedian paul otto. And shes the worlds youngest cat lady. All right. Lets tackle a news topic that no one seems to be paying any attention to. Donald trump. [ laughter ] its been an odd week in the polls. Clinton leads in some, trump leads in others. Companies have come up with highly sophisticated election model to figure this out. Lets take a look at the models now. This for trump. Yeah, this is travis. Hes obviously for clinton. I dont know why. And this is brad. Hes undecided and a very good friend. Meanwhile, moodys analytics, the company that correctly predicted every election since the 1980s including when zach and jees see ran for class president in saved by the bell. A recent Washington Post poll has trump leading clin on the 46 to 44 . Wow. They are applauding a statistic. That rarely happens here at fox. That lead could grow, like a Pretty Flower maybe. A long awaited Inspector General report released on wednesday says that clinton violated Record Keeping rules by using a private email serve are for state business. My analysis, that cant be good. But trumps week wasnt all smooth sailing either. This week another flipflop on Climate Change. The Trump Organization has applied for a permit to build a seawall to protect his golf course in ireland. Protecting it from quote Global Warming and its effects. Thats quite a departure from his public stance on Global Warming. So obama is talking about all of this with the Global Warming. A lot of sit a hoax. Its a hoax. A money making industry. Its a hoax, a lot of it. A lot of it. But not all of it. Like the area around my golf course in ireland. Its weird. Its weird how Climate Change targets only my golf courses in ireland owned by me. Life is not fair. Hes go to our golf correspondent harry karl. How many more of these do you have to do . Careful. I dont want to get hit. Oh my god. He deserved it. If youre going to do something shirtless, go to the gym. That us disgusting. You werent just harry, you were harry karl. Terry, military is out in force for trump by the polls. When youre looking at hillary and youre looking at donald, where are you coming down now . As we spoke earlier, greg, listen, by the way, these polls, theyre bs. Ive never seen so many people get it so wrong so often in such a big way. Whatever. That doesnt mean anything. Heres the thing. My bar is so low right now to who could be i just want a president as a green beret, a president who doesnt dislike our country, doesnt treat us with disdain. I would like a president who doesnt sell uranium to the russians. Other than that if you want to protect your golf course from Global Warming, okay. With that low bar i could be president. Although, no way. I did sell uranium to the russians back in 1995. Youre done. Paul, i dont know where you sit politically, but what do you think trump needs to do at this point . Hes got a lot of hard core fans but then a lot of people upset with him. Is there anything he should keep doing or just keep being trump . He should just amp it up more. Whatever hes doing is working. Be more cartoonish. Nobody can touch him. Nobody watched this matrix but when the agent started to infect the system and it breaks everything down. Thats what hes doing. Hes doing that to the whole thing and turning it inside out. And you know what . Its like now its spreading to the democratic party. Im looking at hillary, hes had a bad week. Used to be there was no way trump was going to beat hillary and now it looks like shes fading fast. Whats your thought in. Just a month ago she was up 11 points and now its a dead heat. Some polls have him on top of her. Gosh, did i just say that . Before it he used to be behind her. I know in the polls. In the polls. In the polls. So no, no, no. Its a race to the bottom, as terry correctly pointed out. Geez. It is. There is a bar downtown called that. Both of their unfavorables are above the 50 threshold. This is really going to come down to who can be less unfavorable, you know. And this is different than most elections weve seen. I want to say really quick. Youre giving me all kinds of shades of elliott stabler. Svu. I appreciate it. Thats a compliment. That was an unusual digression. Maybe later we can ask the audience who i look like. I hope its a human being. Joann, this moody prediction is never wrong. Could it be wrong this time . Yes. We know that theyre unrealistic but we like to look at them anyway. That is true. We want to weigh the gauge, whats going on. Its been kind of nuts that political season. But i think were seeing a lot of the game of would you rather. I often ask people, which i why i dont have friends, would you rather be mauled by a lion or bitten by a shark. The American Voters are saying i would like to be mauled by a lion because ill be entertained. Ill be at the circus. Ill be dying a happy death. Lovely. Now im think about you yeah, polls are a lot like fashion models. Like to do a lot of cocaine. Not this model. Im not sure that makes sense. You hate hillary. Yes. I gather you hate trump yes and i gather youre warming to trump, arent you . Hes just so funny. I hate it but when he said that Global Warming hoax thing, he wasnt thinking about what he can say. He was like what can i say that would make the most hippies mad. It worked. Hes not trying to get the hippy vote, hes trying to get the antihippy vote and i like that. Every time i get a little angry with him, i see the people that are angrier with him and i dont like them. People see that and they laugh. You know when is the last time that anybody has made me laugh . Im experiencing joy because hes speaking . I mean, i dont even really know anybody like that in my real life. No offense, everyone in my real life. Dont worry. We expect that in you. Want to talk about vps . All right. This week. Roll that. Dallas mavericks owner discussed joining Hillary Clinton on a president ial ticket. If she really did come to you, would you listen . Absolutely. But the key would be she would have to go more to center. I think, you know, i like the fact that snaernt clinton has thought out proposals but i think senator sanders has dragged her too far to the left. What about donald trump . Zbli would be like okay, thats great, lets talk about it but were going to have to both dig in and understand the issues so we can come up with solutions. He always reminds me of the rich kid at camp. Is to recamp cuban would consider being clinton or trumps running mate. 34 of Republican Voters consider the vp candidate very important to their vote. 37 of democrats say the same and the remaining 29 say purple is fun. It is. Purple is fun. Its a color. Paul, does it matter . Will it influence your vote . Only if you pick somebody crazy like that. Thats the only time the Vice President makes any difference is when its really strange. Would he stay on shark tank . Thats a good question. Hes the best part about shark tank. I like mr. Wonderful. They balance each other. Its Something Like the five with them yelling at strangers. Zero things in common with the five. You have zero things in common with the five. Sure. Suggestions on vp choices for either candidate . No. I already told you that trump has to pick a ladsdy. Look, this is my chick here, you know. And see, im not sexist. About hillary, i dont know. Maybe somebody who you can stand looking at and listening to try to balance it out. Im serious. Cat makes a good choice. Job votes for the second part of the ticket but it can help you. That should be an opportunity especially for her, her unfavorables are through the roof, worse than trump. Shes so unlikable. People somebody that they like, they want to see speak, thats not yelling and screeching at them. That could help her tremendously. I dont trump needs to do a lot of help himself with the vp pick. He could hurt himself. I would like to see a vp that doesnt believe in conspiracies. Right . Somebody who doesnt get an email from a nigh jeerian prince and writes a 5,000 check. I want a Vice President who doesnt think cruz was involved in the jfk killing. That autism is caused by vaccines. He said we should stop eating meat because i heard him say that too. Whoa. That is not a conspiracy irish golf course right here. Back off. Becoming a vegan because you know robots will destroy you, that is not a conspiracy. That is going to happen. Once Artificial Intelligence reaches a point where were like farm animals, they look to us like were the chickens. You got them going. Once Artificial Intelligence looking at humans like chickens, theyll have know recourse but to destroy us. Imagine youre in the room with Artificial Intelligence going please dont kill me. And the Artificial Intelligence will be, what did you have for lunch. I had the chicken. Code red tattoo man. Im a tattoo man. I think it can hurt you. But think about the Vice President that weve had, joe biden. I mean no disrespect to mr. Biden. But he hasnt really done a lot. No respect to him but hey, not for nothing. No disrespect. But no. Barack obama picked joe biden because joe biden is an older white guy. Even after joe biden insulted him. The smile. With a black dude. He picked him for that. Backup white dude. Thats what he was. Everybody was criticizing obama with no experience, not having the relationship ons the hill and for better or worse, biden had those. You ask the dangerous guy to the prom but you have the safe one in the back. Its more of a shoe metaphor. Its like the shoes complete the outfit. It can make our break your outfit but generally people care more about whats on your back than your feet. You need a vp who likes a foot inside of him . I think the best vp for trump would be paul ryan. You need you know how they fly planes . A wiser copilot. They always have the captain of the plane as the copilot just so they can yell. I think paul ryan has bad mojo from the romney thing. I dont like it. Slow his roll. Hes a little too grounded. We got to move on. Up next, is the world ready for a female version of the worlds most famous spy . Probably. I havent thought about it much frankly. First, summertime tips. Watermelon, its cool and refreshing, especially when youre sitting in it. 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And one proshield refill gets you up to one month of shaves. Would you be fond of a female bond . Yes, daniel craig whoever that is reportedly giving up the role of 007 open fans are already campaigning for who should take over the iconic character. Since the nextbond popped up on something called twit wer the most popular pan pick is actress Jillian Anderson. Thats her there. Its bond, jane bond. Thanks for all of the votes. Thank you. Other popular choices include great looking actors, henry cavill and my good friend lou dobbs. So some say lou is too old but i say he never gets old. Would you mind a woman bond, mr. H he heman . I just got yelled at. Im the oldest man here. Its not the woman thing. James bond daniel craig was a physical james bond and he nailed it. If Jillian Anderson did the show, it would be a different show. Youre saying she couldnt perform physically we need a female james bond. We need the good father making over good father 1, 2 and 3 with melissa mccarthys, goonies with all women. Back with harry met sally. I will not rest until every role played by a man is played by a woman. Can we do all i got to save myself. Im not saying Jillian Anderson shes hot and great. Shes hot so shes great . Thats 70 of being james bond. Its just being goodlooking. Also, hes a misogynist womanizing dude. I would be great if they made Gillian Anderson a lesbian who is a womanizer. They would have to be that. Is it going to be totally reversed . I agree with you. I dont want to see Gillian Anderson or any woman as a james bond because i love the bond girl. You could be a lesbian, thats cool. Martinis are more of the female drink. Theyre all throwing back martinis. But truthfully i dont think they need to cast a woman and i dont think its sexist if they dont cast a woman. We already have a market for that strong role. Angelina jolie. Jennifer in the hunger games. Thats why i will not settle for less. Maybe we should do an all dudes mean girls. But its the same problem with like ghost busters and the whole thing. Heres an idea, make a new good movie. Do something new thats good. Articles like this are the same thing. When writers, bloggers are out of ideas, they take something and go what if they did it lets do an all woman what, all male mystic pizza. Wouldnt that be great . That would be so lame. It really would be. Were getting in a place in our society where were frowning on having gender roles. We have. It makes me sad. Maybe because im from the south. I embrace it. Theres nothing wrong with woman being woman and men being men. I would like to see an all male outnumbered. The oreilly factor. You know what the thing is . Were stuck in this dual oply or male and female. Caitlin jenner would like a great james bond, talk about athletic and topical. She won. He did. Zble cant culturally appropriate his past. What about a little person bond . No . All right. I am the worlds tallest little person. Weve got lots of crud ahead. Still to come, one school says no more valedictorians. Good idea . Debating next. Nothing unleashes power. Quite like the human foot. Introducing the 241 horsepower lexus is 200 turbo. With almost twenty percent more base horsepower. Once driven, theres no going back. Heres the plan. You grow up wanting to be a lawyer, because your dads a lawyer. And you land a job with a 401k and meet your wife. Youre surprised how much you both want kids, and equally surprised you cant have them. So together, you adopt a little boy. And then his two brothers. And you up your Life Insurance because four people depend on you now. Then, one weekend, when everyone has a cold and youve spent the whole day watching tv, you realize that you didnt plan for any of this, but you wouldnt have done it any other way. With the right financial partner, progress is possible. That reminds me. 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For the nutrition you want without the calories you dont. Try boost® 100 calories. Each delicious snack size drink gives you. 25 vitamins and minerals and 10 grams of protein. And its available in two new flavors, vanilla caramel and Double Chocolate fudge. Im not about to swim in the slow lane. Stay strong. Stay active with boost®. Well they took a pass on the head of the class, a North Carolina school board. Is there any other kind . Voted to stop naming valedictorians. They say the title given to the student with the highest gpa fosters unhealthy Competition Among students. Here to debate this topic are cat and joanne. Joanne, do you support this decision in. Of course i do, greg. Because grades are arbitrary markers for growth and success. Its elitist crap. Havent they lurnd . Its time to recognize success as more than just a number. Cat, isnt scholastic competition good for kids . Yes. Competing is how you win. Winning is awesome. You got to teach kids that grades dont matter. If you dont, they end up being one of the Art School Dropouts spending their life working at stash bucks. Sure i got terrible grades but im a well rounded vegan girl and i can make a paper mache sculpture about my feeling. Hey, a warning to someone according someone the title of valedictorian sets them up for a lifetime of pressure and stress. Graduation will be the highlight of their life. Its all downhill from there. The need to success will likely lead to drug dependence, declining health and lots of gambling debt. Very sad. Not sad. Good. Consider this chart. As you can see, as you can see, over time valedictorians earn a lot more money which can be used to buy happiness. Thats a great point. These are just charts. Do you have any specific examples . Of course i do. Being top of the class is a course. Look at these former valedictoria valedictorians. This is jane, valedictorian in 2002. Here is james, valedictorian in 2008. Heres james now. And this one spokes for itself, yep, look at that woman on the left. She had lots of promise when she was valedictorian and just look at her now. Very powerful. But its time for closing statements. Cat, whats yours . Competition is a reality of life. Class ranking is a competition and the kid at the top is the winner. The people who have a problem with it are losers. You know how i know this . I was valedictorian. Yep. Thats me after i clawed my way to the top of the class. I beat out lots of other kids who were out to destroy me. It wasnt easy and thats the point. The best preparation for life they could have had. I learned what it take to win. I had no idea. I was actually one of ten valedictorians. Wait, what . One of ten . Okay. Your whole argument is invalid. Competition my foot. Im over it. It was great. As always, there are no actual winners in these debates except the audience at home. Thanks, ladies. Coming up a sports caster dresses down his cocaine core on live tv but was he joking . We discuss in the first every 36hour uninterpreted segment 36hour uninterpreted segment and thats next. 36hour uninterpreted segment and thats next. I am totally blind. I lost my sight in afghanistan. If youre totally blind, you may also be struggling with non24. Calling 8448442424. Or visit my24info. Com. vo making the most out of every mile. Thats why i got a subaru impreza. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. You stay up. You listen. You worry. You do whatever it takes to take care of your family. And when its time to plan for your familys future, were here for you. Were legalzoom, and for over 10 years weve helped families just like yours with wills and living trusts. So when youre ready, start with us. Doing the right thing has never been easier. Legalzoom. Legal help is here. If you have moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis isnt it time to let the real you shine through . 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Its the subject of tonights is this real . He was set to break the news that lebron james would star in space jam. His coanchor had read the story minutes early. We should tell you that lebron james is going to star in space jam. Are you mad . I already read that. Im sorry. How is steph currys knee . Hes nursing it and its getting better. How long have we been friends . 23 years. I didnt know you were going to do it. Have you ever heard me say right before you came on theres an irrigation problem in gilroy. Never. Never heard me say its warm weather today. Never. I stay in my lane. And its just to a friend its amazing. Now he claims that it was all a joke. Later posting on facebook, quote, wow, i must be a good actor, all of this feedback from people who thought i was mad. Please watch again. Im playing. Okay. Were going to do what you said, garry. Hes watch the rest. Its hard for me to get mad. Katherine has stayed at my mothers home, written my mothers note and stolen my material. So how do i get mad . How is currys knee . Improving. Lebron was very good no trainwreck. So this will be fun. I shouldnt have brought it up. And michael starred in space jam. Hard to be mad at katherine. Shes a good friend of my mom. Theres a time you have to choose of the love of your mother and your mothers friend and the honor and dignity. If he was acting, he is marlon brando. She is too. That was thats genuine. Is that real . I thought it wasnt. Emmy is like it is. And i think watching with her, maybe it might be. I think its real. I think you had to see the powers of be, that versions of the office. And it was like, what are you doing . You go back and tell everybody youre joking. Joand, youre an actress. Thoughts on whether this was acting or real . She was definitely acting. Some of us pretend to be angry or upset and others pretend to be happy correspondents who are pleased with their bosses and get along with everyone. You just pick your character. Interesting. Oh my gosh. Thats why shes good. That was so real. Im going to tell you how i know its real. When you go into the personal narrative, when you bring up your momma, that is so real. Sir, stop playing. That was real. She knew it. The look on her face was everything i needed to see, paul. Whats your take on this . Ive never seen that man before but he is drunk. So if that was a joke, thats like andy coffman. Yeah. Amazing if it was. But i dont think he hires that kind of talent. Its interesting with, kron, as though its an alien force. Kron will not be happy with it. I like how he brings up, talking about in the video, people are more powerful than they are that work at kron. It was like to scare her. Cat, analysis, please. I think he had a good strategy of saying it was a joke. Its a great strategy too if you realize youve done something or said something upsetting. Of course i was joking, right . Cant we take a joke anymore . He should have just brought up Political Correctness. This Political Correctness has made everyone mad. I was clearly joking. Pc police are here. All these people just obsessed with sanity. You used to watch this guy. Yeah. I think he was a basketball player, believe it or not. They dont make them like they used to. My theory is its real because he prefaced it with im going to stay it with a smile. Thats saying that what youre about to say is going to be very, very angry and its not like acting. Because you wouldnt have said that if you were acting. This is totally real. Im surprised at her reaction. I thought for sure it would be a little more of that, whats going on . Am i being punked . Let me pretend that everything is okay. But she was doing the eye rolls. There are issues there d. You know what it is . Have you ever been in a situation where you overreacted and while youre overreacting, you know youre overreacting . I was at a baseball game and a guy kept taking ice cubes out of my cooler ani slapped his hand. Sorry about that. I instantly go, why are these ice cubes so important to me. And for the rest of the game i was ashamed by my own behavior. Ie assuming wit as softball game. Years ago when you used to be able to duct tape vodka it was in college. You duct tape it to your legs and chest, you wear shirt and shorts, nobody knows you have booze. Carry it in your pocket. They search you. They look for it. Then you get a cooler of ice cubes and you drop the orange juice in there. Also bags of vodka, nobody can see it. I cant be a part of this. That was back in the 90s. Definitely not the 80s. I think garry thats the best work hes ever done. If he was an act, man, he should win something thats better than anything in the theaters today. I appreciated. It was the most vulnerable ive seen a newscaster in a while. He was all deep in his feeling and i love it rks you should be on the view. Somebody does something really awful, somebody on the view says, i dont know. I thought what he did was beautiful. They wanted the house burned down. It was an eyesore. Coming up, the Washington Redskins, should they change their name . Our correspondent, Jerry Carbondale is here to comment. There he is. Hes more agreeable than ever. Stick around. Growing up, we were german. We danced in a german dance group. I wore lederhosen. When i first got on ancestry i was really surprised that i wasnt finding all of these germans in my tree. I decided to have my dna tested through ancestry dna. The big surprise was were not german at all. 52 of my dna comes from scotland and ireland. So, i traded in my lederhosen for a kilt. Ancestry has many paths to discovering your story. Get started for free at ancestry. Com. To be taken care of. In good hands . Like finding new ways home, car, Life Insurance obviously, ohhh. But with added touches you cant get everywhere else, like claim free rewards. Or safe driving bonus checks. Even a claim satisfaction guaranteeeeeeeeeee in means Protection Plus unique extras only from an expert allstate agent. Its good to be in, good hands. Time for stories you need to know because i said no. North carolina recently enacted transgender bathroom law which requires people to use public rest rooms that correspond with their biological sex, not what they identify as. In recent weeks its a national issue, partly because of the fact that high profile musicians have canceled shows in. A guy named bruce springsteen, pearl jam. So has this all gone too far or not far enough . Joining me to discuss this is our agreeable correspondent Jerry Carbondale. Jerry, how are you doing . Great, greg. Couldnt be better. Really . Even with the state of the world today . State of the world, were in trouble and i feel bad for the future of our country. Im concerned. But you seemed cheerful just minutes ago. I am greg. Glad to be here. What do you think of this bathroom law . Its much ado about nothing. People should use the bathroom that they feel comfortable using. What do you say to people who are afraid of men cruising into the womens bathroom dressed as women. Its sad that we do, but we need a law. But the federal government is trying to should they stay out of it . Yeah. When i travel, i have enough to worry about. Having different laws in every state, we node a federal law and now. Look, i think im consistent on this issue. I dont think you have been. [ laughter ] okay, next topic. A new Washington Post poll found nine out of ten native americans dont consider the name Washington Redskins to be offensive. This has been a big deal for a while. A lot of people called for the nfl to change the name. Is this controversy over . It is. The people have spoken. Nine out of ten . Thats a nobrainer. They should keep the name. But even if one in ten find it offensive, isnt that enough to make a change if if one person is uncomfortable, i am too. Maybe its time for a name change. But some native americans support the name. So shouldnt you keep the name . Its history. Are we going to do, erase history . Its face it, the word redskins an ugly word. It makes me sick. They should probably change the name. All right, amazon. Com confirmed plans to open more physical bookstores. A good idea . More bookstores, more jobs, its great. But wasnt the point of amazon so you dont have to leave your house if thats why i love amazon. But bookstores are a good place to meet people. Bookstores are valuable in a community for people to meet. They are great, greg. Its great to get out and meet people, get out of your house once in a while. Should i buy amazon stock . This must mean they have to be a Healthy Company based on this. They are. Have you seen their chart, greg . Its going up, up. I would rate it a buy. Cant the stock go down at any time . What goes up must go down. Hold on to your money, invest in precious metals. You need gold, silver, lead. You need bullets. What about copper, do you like copper . Copper is good, too. Love it. Its hard to find. And its also hard to keep clean and polished. But i like it. All right. So youre procoper . Ly, greg. You think you are for now. Greg, im pretty consistent on those issues. [ laughter ] all right, jerry, as always, you are confusing. Thank you. Time to take a break. Lots more show to come. Stick around. If youve gone to extremes to escape your nasal allergies. Try clarispray. New, from the makers of claritin. With the 1 prescribed ingredient. And nothing is more effective at relieving your sneezing, runny nose and nasal congestion. Return to the world with clarispray. [crowd cheering] i could get used to this. Now you can. When you lease the 2016 es 350 for 329 a month for 36 months. See your lexus dealer. Its free. Wash um. No, thanks. Knew that was coming. He wont let anyone else touch his car. Except me. Here i am. 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Were almost out of time. So over to you. Its memorial day weekend. Have fun. Have a nice cookout, but remember we have lost guys and girls in the war. This is one of my good friends, tim, he got killed in afghanistan. The war aint over. But have fun, because we do have fun. In fact, if youre not having fun, the terrorists have won. If youre not having fun, they win and i will come find you. And youre welcome for your freedom. I think we would like to bring up a photo of Chris Maloney who plays a detective. [ applause ] i never noticed it before. But there is definitely a resemblance. I dont like him. Ebony . Ive got nothing. Thank you for my freedom, first of all. And also i would like to stay in my lane. I really do. I watched the whole thing twice and i got his message loud and clear. I intend to stay in my lane this weekend. Paul . Thank you for having me. Happy memorial day to everyone. Its my fiance and is anniversary. [ applause ] my debut album is coming out june 5th. And i have a book too, so it will be [ horse whinnies ]