None of these stories on red eye tonight. I dont know what is sadder, his skateboarding abilities or the fact that he is almost 40. Lets welcome our guests. The clouds have lifted and it is about to get sunny. He liens further right than a pirate missing his peg leg. I am here with bright barts sonny johnson. She is drunk. And she is excited about the weekend she probably wont remember. It is joanne nosuchunsky, also drunk. And he is excited for the weekend he will probably sleep through. Look at those baby fists. It is tvs andy levey. And his band once played at the president ial picnic. It is not as impressive as the teddy bear pick anymore. Well take it. Former michigan congressman and president ial candidate,s thadeus mccodder. The triumph of libertarian republicans. A block. The lede. Thats the first story. Could a guitar erase the scar . John kerry wind surfed to france on friday to show solidarity and mend relations after sending a top official to last sundays march against terrorism in paris. The secretary of coble subtilty brought an old folk singer to spell it out. All you have to do is call ill call youve got a friend never gets old. That was gordon light foot and played a rendition of sun down. It was truly appreciated in france. Here is french youth listening to it on the radio. All you got to do is call and i will be there yes ill be there youve got a friend youve got a friend you are actually a musician and a damn good one. I have seen you play behind your head and backwards. What did you make of this . They obviously meant well. It didnt come off well. You are absolutely right, greg. And like you and our generation of am radio listeners, it brought back some bad memories. Well see what i can remember from the 70s. When you break it down, this is an important relationship. This is a president who told us he would restore the prestige and repair the longstanding relationships. This is not the way i do it. I would personally have taken the mc5 over that. I think they are all dead. They are leftists. The remaining members of mc5 are all communist or dead. Dennis machine gun thompson may be. Ted nugent makes up for the whole thing. I would have done maybe the stooges, although they lost another stooge. What are we doing with this . Hasnt france been through enough . I dont know. I just heard the name James Cameron and said who . And then they started playing the song. Im like thats from woody and buzz light year. Thats the toy story song. Thats the only reason i knew anything about the song. Where we are right now we need a solution. We dont need kerry to go over and sing a song. Here is a solution. In religion there are two sides. You have the spirituality and the law. The spirituality is the individual thing. The law is the commune tau tiff big ball thing. Leave the spirituality alone and lets talk about the law. Instead of talking about radical islam, lets talk about sharia. Lets thats what governs the law. It is not the problem, but the law that makes you go out and behead and stone and do all of the barbaric things they do. If you dont want to talk about islamic terrorism, fine. We should just all of us maybe a concerted effort to explain shaw zsa zsa shaw rhea a law. They will take away your high heels and your clubs and your rap music. What about james taylor . Thats the only thing i want them to take away. Could he have picked somebody better like adam levine . Not to replace james taylor, but kerry. Adam levine and james taylor. Eye candy would have been nice on the stage. I would have loved to have been in the white house intern meeting and they are deciding what musical guest should we have . Probably somebody to neil diamond. Everybody loves sweet caroline. It is played at a lot of weddings and people love weddings. They dont. This whole display was awkward. Can you get anymore obvious that you are trying to say friends, we are still friends. And it is not about these grand displays of affection. It is about standing by someone when they need you. That is so true, so true. What do you make of this . Are we being too hard on whats his name, the tall guy . This is fake. There is no way this really happens. You think the secretary of state will go to the United States and brings james taylor with him . Thats so true. They can have my high heels when they pry them off my cold, dead feet. If you tell people that, and from americans dont try to say the religion is bad. Blah, blah blah. Tell them what it personally will cost them 689. And then you have a generation of selfabsorbed people. When you tell them what it will personally cause them. When their life is not enough tell them there are vices they will give up living under sharia. They are not giving up their vices and you can get an American Population that wants to fight terrorism. If i can get back to my jokes for a minute. This is a problem having aging boomers like you and kerry in charge of things. We laugh at this, but remember back in the 70 theres was a wave of european terrorist groups . 1981 james taylor toured europe and within a year all of those groups went away. That is true. I think maybe we are on to something. I think what you are hinting at is rock and roll is a cia conspiracy. I thought i was doing more than hinting. If that was the case then the modern equivalent is hip hop. J send james taylor instead of jayz. The modern equivalent of what rock and roll did during communism time is expressed through hip hop and what hip hop is doing. The impost involved is at a different level. When you go back to the history of the rock and roll which you occasionally do in your drunken stupor is you will see that Jimmy Hendrix was a paratrooper. Elvis went in the army and morrisons old man was an admiral. I dont want to sound conspirator yall even though i am with a libertarian. Can i just mention that jayz went to cuba . Jayz went to cuba and now there is a full open cuba policy. The same scenario you are describing still happened now. Guy thats silly. It was more. He is the one. The art form is there in cuba and it is also happening in the middle east. A lot of rappers are being locked up. I am going to move on. His meeting with god was a total fraud. Alex malarkey who cowrote the best selling book. He wrote it with his father and he is now taking back his story. It details the car accident that puts 6yearold alice in a coma for two months and left him paralyzed. While unconscience he claimed he went up to heaven for a quick visit and got a look at the devils adversary. I never noticed ears. His body has human form with two bony arms and two bony legs. I think he just described allen combs. Now he said it is all malarkey. In an open letter he wrote, i said i went to heaven because i thought it would get me attention. Typical kid. People have prove prove fitted from lies. I did not dye and go to heaven. Thats what he wants us to believe. I think he is lying there too. A major christian bookseller say they will stop selling the book. I visited heaven myself and here is what it looked like. Im from sweden. Carlos. All right, anonymous strangers. This is an industry. People are writing that they have gone to heaven and is it something that is in your mind as a religious person a sincere area of writing or just an opportunity to make a lot of money off people who may be gullible . In this instance, clearly the latter. And there have been studies that have shown death or whatever they call it and in the end i would like to see the publisher and the kid and the family give the money back to the people who bought the book. That would show sincere attempt to i they should. I think if you buy the book on faith which is what it is, you believe this on faith then it is your money. On good faith. Thats right. It is faith nonetheless. If you got something from it, be happy you got something from it. You can even get something spiritual from fiction. But it was marketed as fact. And it might be true, but a lot of lessons i have learned in my lifetime i have gotten from fiction than people claiming to be telling the truth. As we learned these days you can talk about rape and not have it be true. Then you are agreeing with that. It is the overall point. If you get something from it like if you are a journalist not a good point, sunny. When you were talking about faith it was a good point. When we switch over to whether it is fiction or not thats where the points start to collide. You have to say it is fiction and you listen to me. Did you really just do that . Yes, i did. I will never do it again. All right, joanne if it comforted people it doesnt matter. Isnt that like lenadunhams book . It feeds a greater narrative . People of faith shouldnt need a greater narrative. The point is you dont need evidence. You dont need fact or fiction to believe in something. True. You just do. I think a lot of people who did buy this book were searching for something to make them believers and to deepen their faith. I think we are avoiding the real good in all of this. If this book helped in alexs healing thats all that matters. Thats true. Even if other people were hurt by it he is being honest. This little boy, it helped him feel better. He actually owned up to it which is a good thing, andy. We all know you cant trust kids. They lie about everything. If a kid told me he went to heaven, i wouldnt believe him. First of all i knew he was lying because colton burple never mentioned seeing him. I dont get the joke. Is this a injured joke . What is it . I dont know. I am not a nerd. He wrote the other book about going to heaven. Oh, i forgot. That is the kid that went to heaven. You didnt see this kid so thats how i know he was lying. Get this, people at home everyone knows who colton burpo is. Tweet at greg gutfeld, i know who colton burpo is. This story is actually sad. The kids dad is behind all of this. The kids mom and the kid himself for years have been trying to tell the publisher that the book was not an accurate portrayal of alexs story. You have to check out the blog gty. Org. The pastor talked to the family. The fathers name is the only one listed on the copyright. Even before this week alex has been on record he called the book quote, one of the most deceptive books ever. His mom said it was a beautiful testimony distorted, twisted, packaged for business. This is the dad trying to make money. He used his own son. The devil. To make money. There is a good movie with amy adams as the mom and the dad is Joaquin Phoenix and the son would be me because i always wanted them as parents. Or justin bieber. He needs a serious role. Even with that being the scenario, the mother said the money that came from the book didnt go to treat the kids care. Thats the sickening part. That would be the most sickening. At least you are gone that you prove fit profit, take care of the kids medical bills. On that note lets move to Something Else that is sick. Is race part of the race 1234 the reverend al sharpton is not happy about the color exhibited in the Academy Award nominees. The noms are white and this is the First Time Since 1998 when joanne was in her 20s. Blacks received a scant2 for best picture and best song. So he is calling an emergency meeting of the Diversity Task force. It is to, quote discuss possible action around the Academy Awards. He says it is ironic they nominated a story about the racial shutout around voting while there is a racial shutout around the oscar nominations. The movie industry is like the rocky mountains. The higher it gets the wider it gets. Sharpton was so angry he nearly chokes. It comes in and confesses ignorance. Congressman ryan never apologized. Guy i love him sometimes. You are a big sharpton supporter i assume . Are you with him on this . The last time i was here they had the justice for all rally in washington d. C. Where al sharpton thought it would be nice to have a vip section for he and his cronies. The youth on the street say please stop saying he speaks for us. Talk to us and figure out what we have to say. Stop giving this man a platform. I decided that day i will not talk about al sharpton anymore. I will figuratively let him die. A lot of conservatives you need to do this too. He has a Television Show where four people watch it. If we did not give this man the attention that we give him, he would die. Please just let him figuratively of course die. Guy good thing you put that in there. I had to do that because then it will turn into a where i into a hash tag where i said let him die. We will drop audio every time you say figuratively. We will kill the audio. Thats okay you will see my finger. The audio man has done it. We have under two minutes hard as we like to see in the tv business. What do you make of this . Dont say that with your hand there. I dont. It is ridiculous. The fact that his task force can have an emergency session as if that matters to anybody. I like emergency session. I think you are wrong about thinking it doesnt matter to anybody. I think it does matter to the academy and i bet something happens because of it. They are terrified. Thats a bold prediction. If people dont agree with the nominations, do not watch the oscars. Dont watch it. Boycott it. They care about ratings and maybe things will change. How about ask the managing director of wait a minute. She is a black woman. Wow. Managing director of what . Of the process the executive director of the process. It is a black woman. If you want quality movies that win, then make quality movies. You know oprah pays for that. Is he saying that none of the nominees deserve their nome nomination . Steve corell. The nose deserved a nomination. Paper airplanes inexpensive, fun or satanic symbols meant to awaken the demons among us. Bulldog through monday, save up to 40 on clearance mattresses. Get up to 48 months interestfree financing on tempurpedic. Pup i found a red tag [laughter] bulldog mattress discounters year end Clearance Sale ends monday. Should campus revel reget criminal penalties. Students at Clemson University are demanding School Officials prosecute hate speech. Racial tensions were riled after a fraternity threw a gangthemed party. Under well med under whelmed they want action. They want them to denounce chrismas and prosecute the predatory behaviors and demafatory speech. 2 includes a new Cultural Center and renaming of buildings and free kittens for everyone. Speaking of defamatory speech. Thats very embarrassing. He sounds great. The first listenable things she will produce. Haters gonna hate. You are so right, joanne. I do. You do hate. What is going on . This is a very disturbing trend in a place of open ideas we are prosecuting speech. The students are for it. It is part of the problem. It has been diagnosed as far back as allen bloom closing the mind on indock indock raw gnaw swraition. You call somebody a hater object tau fie them and push them out of the way and bludgeon them. These kids are buying into it. Nobody will defend the sanity of these privileged kids. Thats stupid. The bloods are gonna get missed and kill you. To put your hand out and say we want all of these other goodies is not the name of the want to ban things they dont like. They are happy to bash anybody they consider to be of privilege whether it is height heterosexual. It is who they decide. Sonny, is banning speech the best way to include inclusive tee on the campus . No, more speech is always better. White people, you are not better than us. You dont have to fight for us. You dont have to come out on every subject and somehow defend our honor. We dont need you to do that. Take your little privilege and play with mommies and daddys silver tea set. We dont feed you. We can fight our own battles. And once you get the hell out of the way, we will have an easier time fighting them. We will where can i find a silver tea set . It sounds awesome and expensive. Are the teachers going to be held accountable to the same rule this are you going to talk about Clarence Thomas or herman west or herman kane. If you Say Something wrong will you be punished the same way . Or is this oh no, well sonny is not as big as the rest of them, so let me protect her and pat her on her damn head. We dont need your help and stop is it. Let me explain what she she was saying. Explain it. A great man said you have to learn to separate the stuff from the stuff. You have a group and on the one hand they hillary name a building. I get that. On the other hand they are calling for criminal prosecution. Thats not cool. The problem is as usual you have a group that actually does have some good ideas that are worthy of discussion, but then they lump them in with people who are stupid and they make it easy to say this is stupid and therefore all of your ideas are stupid and i dont have to listen to anything you say. Thats why you have to learn to separate the stuff from the stuff. Thank you for that. Caw explain what andy just can you explain what andy just said . Two points that have nothing to do with andy. There is a way to solve the events with things that are dumb and weird. They need a faculty advisor. Your ideas have to go through them. You get the okay through the university. Like andy said they want to change the names of buildings. They are also looking at changing the mascot and the colors because they may be offensive. You didnt have to go to the school. You applied to go to this school. I never did the tour. What is the real cause here . Do you want a great education and feel you are in a safe space, or are you trying to cause trouble in the institution . And if you want the building renamed, do what i man did. Graduate. He got a job and made money and then donated back to the school. If you want to rename the building, how about you try that pathway to renaming it. Buy respectability. Thats not buying respectability. Problems exist without that. The college of harding nos. There is Something Interesting about the left as it has aged into its twilight. The new left came in. They said everything. They were the champions of free speech and battling against the establish plent. Now they have instituted the childhood learning. The kids are going to them and asking. The new left in their youth were not asking for them to get the hell out of the way. Things have changed. On that note, we are going to take a break. Coming up a theme park where children become adults. First, a word from our sponsor. The complete series dvd box set. All episodes on 18dvds. Tonight on red eye. And this one. Tonight on red eye. And who can forget this instant classic. Tonight on a very special red eye. Available for nine payments of 1 million. The doc was a croc. A teen in florida, arent they all, spent a month posing as a doctor before finally being caught. The unidentified scam p would wear a White Lab Coat to gain access to secure areas of a West Palm Beach medical center. The rouse ended when an obgyn patient noticed him in an exam room. The teen assured police that he had been a doctor for years the hospital agreed not to press charges because the whole idea was so awesome. No, i think it is terrible sonny, this child would do this. What would you do if there was a teen in your exam room . Would you question . I have Crohns Disease so i would be in the hospital a lot. I know what you are doing and supposed to be doing it and if you come in and dont wash your hands or put on your gloves i will call you out. If he had the correct procedure the whole time, he might have saw something. If he messed up at all during the procedure i would have caught him. Im sure you have a great patient and beloved by the hospital staff. I am. I am. I want to get out of here as fast as possible. Poke stick, prod, do what you have to do so i can go home. Thats how i am on a date, right, thad . How do you think he got away with the charade for so long . Was it West Palm Beach and people have poor vision . I would think it is easier to get away if you are at the proctologist because your back is turned to the kid. That is true. We will end there. You know what this is to me . This is a major achievement. This is like better than daredevil rock climbing or tightrope walking. To pull this off for a month . This is Neil Patrick Harris fault. He i am calling for him to step down as host of the oscars. It is florida and what is amazing it only took a month to figure it out. Im surprised he is not a cardio surgeon. He probably had a great rapport with the patients like bedside manner. He is probably really cool. Everyone liked him. They are sad to see him go. I always wanted to do this so walking through new york city i will pass the stage doors of theaters and there is always like someone leaving. Now i just want to sneak in the door and then pretend i belong there and see how long it takes. I may make it out on stage. Wouldnt that be awesome . It would be. You are a sad little person. It is child labor that children love. Kid zania is a chain of theme parks around the the globe where children pretend to do adult jobs and earn currency. They promise to offer kids, quote, the opportunity to learn over 60 unique and exciting professions and turning dreams into reality. Youngsters can work this 00 occupations like fire minute and sh firemen and news anchors and they are paid in kid currency. It is a dis edutainment. Here is the kid at kid zania. Awful parent with the camera. We couldnt show the rest of the video. Is there value to this . Well, for me they would have to find a place where you could just live in your parents basement in obamas economy. Thats where the kids will end up. It was disappointing to find the poor little kid that his dreams of being animal control are dead. You have a shield i believe. A 5yearold is too young to be learning about a career . Oh no. She does fingerprint now and she can do mace moulding now. She is learning the strands of dna. She wants to be a forensic scientists. I give her what she needs. It is not necessarily what i like. I am not going to wait until she is 18 to get her interested in learning and i started when she is very young and now she is getting into it on her own accord. Sonny is training her daughter to cover up an impending murder. I was going to say if you want her version of a theme park would be like gregs basement. I read an article in the new yorker. They have their own language and the greeting is kay and delivered with the first two fingers splayed over the heart. They end con conversations saying they will have a productive day. They have a ceremony. They swear in 20 kids who are regular i love this. The kids sing kidzania kidzania, you are always in my heart. I will finish this. At first this place seems harmless and the kids are more and more into it. You think it is cute. By the time you realize they are being brainwashed they report to their parents three are not having productive days and it is too late. Thats how this ends. That was worth the wait. Yeah. That was a crazy article. Listen, this just shows you what is wrong with america. Our kids go to Chuck E Cheese where the frees is where a kid can be a kid and they eat cheese pizza and vomit it up later. A real uh but it is a real adult has to clean it up. We should do real jobs like a data analyst. You tell a squid they have to sit there and look at a computer screen they will hate it. I dont think this is a good idea and all of these places should be burnt to the ground. Figuratively. It is time to take a break. A visit from our frightened correspondent. Get my book amazon. Com g gutfeld. Com. He paid a big price twries. This week a woman in china chopped off her husbands penis with a pair of scissors. They waited until doctors reattached it and then did it again. Thats not funny. The wife found out he was cheating because he used her phone to send his mistress an email and forgot to log out of the account. Joining us now is the victim. No one is more afraid of vengeful women and scissors. Is this why you say it is better to play it safe than to have your jenna tale yaw chopped off . There are a few reasons i dont date and we only have a few minutes. You have the doomsday websites to prepare with. Thats one of the reasons. Do you have any tips . I dont think most men would marry a woman they suspect would cutoff therapy nighs, but the moral of the story is thats a mistake that should happen one time. Fool me once. Exactly. Who is watching the door . Why wasnt she in some kind of custody . Did you know the mistress plans to marry him despite that . If you cheat no one will end up a winner in this scenario. I guess that is a lesson. Our next topic, an eightfoot alligator was found next to the carcasses of two cats in the backyard of a home in los angeles. Cops say the gator was there illegally. It was since the 1970s. Joe, how many other illegal alligators could be out there. 140 we keep all of our pets inside to be safe . Thats the thing. Animal control received a tip that there is an alligator there. They searched the home and didnt find the alligator. My guess is they didnt look that hard because they might find an alligator. I think people should keep their pets inside. Do you think they raised the alligator wrong . People say the same thing about pittbulls but i dont trust a lot of people to raise their kids. An animal that might see me as a handsome dinner, i dont think so. The owners say they werent feeding cats to the gator, are you buying that . Well, yeah. It is just a Smear Campaign to frame an innocent, illegal alligator. 75 of americans got a flu shot this season and could get it anyway due to a mismatch between the strange shot and those causing illnesses. I bet you get flu shots every season to be safe. Are you upset at these findings . Yes. It seems like i cut in front of the sick and elderly people for nothing. I dont have the flu but i dont feel good about myself. Should you get a flu shot to protect yourself from the flu shot . I dont know if that flu shot could be 25 inexpected it. If you do 25 of 25 this will keep me busy. Is there a better way not to get the flu . Dont go out and stay in a bunker . With the price of bunkers i dont know if that is a legitimate option for most americans. It is a tough one every year because doctors say get the flu shot, but actors say dont get the flu shot. I dont know who to believe. And actors are smart. It sounds like flu shots work in one in four people. Thats good. I am terrified of gingivitas. If you have a chance, why not go for it . The pennsylvania woman who got up to use the bathroom found a pipe on her bathroom floor, but thought it was a scarf because it had a beautiful pattern. We did some digging and there are plenty of scarves. Can you determine if it is a python . That is going to be one weird ambulance call. I dont know how that will work out. Should you have second thoughts of going in the middle of the night . I dont like to hold it in. An episode of seinfield told me that was dangerous. I do a thing where i send the cat in first. What if the python is wearing a scarf . That would be adorable which plays into the pet python phenomenon. That is not good for anybody. Thank you joe. Coming up, equal cheering sections in force. Fox news. Com red eye. No snakes. Brandnew red eye returns on monday. Liz mcdonald and Michael Moynahan and tom cotter. E block. Last story. Thats the last story. Because there is less cheering for lasses a syracuse student think men and womens sports teams should receive an equal amount of support. At the universitys last nine home games they had an average crowd of 20,000 while women saw an average of 600. In the schools newspaper a junior dubbed, the sassy feminist student athletes put in the same amount of time and dedication on the court. It is only fair we cheer them equally. What is she suggesting . Im confused. I suggest she goes to a school with a good girl sports team. And people will actually show up. They will go to see the tennessee volunteer ladies play. They go to see uconn ladies play. Go to a school that has a good female Sports Program and then the audience will come. Stop trying to make them go and cheer for people who suck. If you look at the u. S. Open serena and venus pack it out. I am not into bowling. Thaddeus, will there ever be a day where there is equal amount of fans . Even women prefer watching womens sports. I do have a lot of sympathy for the female athletes who dont have jackpot at the end of the rainbow. If there is a lot of finatasim you would see an increase. But that is really not happening. The sassy feminist should take it up with the sassy feminist sisters. I dont know if i want women face painting. Heck no. I believe in gender equality. I dont go to either game. Good for you. I wont support either. Shut them both down. I wonder how the sassy feminist would feel if men went to the womens games and started cheering out lets say not so feminist friendly words, would she be happy they are there. I dont know. There is no answer. Thats a hypothetical never. Andy, what is going on . I dont know. You tutor young female athletes. Have you noticed a drop in morale . I have not. She is not calling for a come compulsory attendance. She said you should support the womens teams too. Really, that is a problem . It is if you interpret it my way. I wont go to a womans basketball game. If she left it there no, you want to complain and complain and then attack it as if it goes along with all of the other things that keeps us women oppressed and barefoot and pregnant. Get over yourself. Get over yourself. No you get over yourself. I am glad i am not in it. You get over yourself. I am over myself. How can you actually get over yourself . That is impossible. They are doing Amazing Things with hot yow giew. I love hot yoga. Anyone would watched the womens rushing curling team at the last olympics . You are watching that every chance you got. It was fantastic. Sonny johnson always a pleasure Andy Levey Joanne nosuchunsky. That does it for me. I shall see you next time. Each party are very worried about the way you are getting very, very down. Hello everyone im eric bolling. It is 5 00 in new york city. This is the five. Today president obama held a joint News Conference at the white house with british Prime MinisterDavid Cameron and pledged a united effort to fight terrorism. I want you to listen closely. One identifies the Terror Threat we face by name the other one not so much. We do face a very serious islamic extremist terrorist threat in europe, america, across the world. We have to be i