Script nondescript personality. Daily beast. He puts the beast in daily beast. Columnist michael money gnaw han. He was in a rock group called the second amendments. I assume they wore sleeveless shirts. His new book, the ultimate triumph of libertarian republicans comes out november 15th. Thats next week. Get cracking congressman. A block. The lede. Thats the first story. He has written a book and it is out next week. It is going to be great. For spreading fear, he is person of the year. Lgbt magazine has put Vladimir Putin on the cover in what can be an act of sarcasm, i am not sure. The russian president beat out Neil Patrick Harris and yours truly for his influence on the gaylesbian by sexual and transgender community. Yours truly is a dancer i met. It writesmaw2n;qzi the disdain e single greatest threat to lgbt. Not to be outdone, the worlds most powerful person is ahead of our alleged president. And in his own country it is a bill that allows putins sperm to im pregnant impregnant women. They will be able to receive the genetic material of the president. Get pregnant and have a baby. These mothers will be having allowances from the government. Well count me in. I cant get pregnant, but count me in anyway. Moisturizer. I believe we have the tape of putins sperm being delivered. Is it in here . Give me my glove back. I dont know what was going on there, but it frightened me. Thats not the story. What is the story we were doing . Putin . Yeah, yeah. How concerned should we be about a future army of putins spawn as you would call it. They are invading ukraine right now, arent they . Somebody watched the boys from brazil. The question is has anybody asked putin . It is a big country. He is a small man with little hands. No offense. Never been a problem for me. You know what it is . When you think movies it is like a boy and his dog. Do you remember that film . Don johnson. They think he will im im he walks around with a dog that talks and he ends up in a place where they actually tie him to a bed and they hook him up and they take the stuff out of him. Michael, are you laughing at the fact that i am tieing it to an important movie you should have seen, but you probably didnt because you were high . It is not the dj. Should we in response create our own army with maybe Channing Tatums sperm . I guess. I was thinking more about like a coming man or something. I dont even know who Channing Tatum is. He is the guy in the films, isnt he . Am i back on the show . You dont even have a tv. I do. I love watching tv. I was more interested, if i can change the subject, the thing that annoyed me the most is like that is a bad everyone does that. Neil patrick harris. I know who he is. How dare they compare putin to charlie chaplain. There are a lot of people who love his work and calling, i dont know, joanne, what politician sperm would you be willing to receive in the mail . Adam levine is not a politician. Joe biden. He would have lovable children. They would be great. My only concern is i am not home often, so if i am not there to receive the package, how long will my sperm be sitting there . Will someone steal my sperm and im pregnant themselves . This could be a good idea in theory, but also for humanity. It is sad that putin is the most powerful. It is time for obama. He probably feels threatened. I suggest to him the next time he feels lesser than he looks in the mirror and reminds himself, i have a nobel peace prize. And it should raise his spirits. So many problems going on in this world. Putin is the worlds most powerful person. Yeah. I was waiting for a question. It is fine. I was expecting one. It was my fault and i take full responsibility for that. I have been doing this for years, people. I am a pro. Hard to tell, but it is true. As a famous admiral once said, russians dont take a dump without a plan. Putin knows what he is doing without targeting gays. To echo something thadius said, the population is roughly 144 million people. Figure 80 million women because there are more women than men. Thats a lot of alone time. I dont think he has the time. I dont question his vaw riel tee because i dont want him to kill me. I dont think he has the time. The other issue is there arent a lot of men in russia. There are a lot of men, but not a lot of women. I had it backwards. Someone like Robin Roberts or Neil Patrick Harris is the community should come forward with a positive role model that has helped to advance the cause as opposed to taking the bait and putin will run around with a badge of honor. They chose the assailant rather than the advocate. He should have been stalin. They were both mass murderers and they were not progressive in their views. People forget stalin. If they had him with the stalin mustache and you say why are they making him into john stosell . Interesting story. It was interesting when i pitched it and then it turned into something weird. Can a meal lead to a deal . President obama, if thats his real name, sat down for a bipartisan buffet with john boehner and soon to be Senate Majority leader mitch mcconnell. It started with do electable crow de elect believe a crow advertisers. The American People just want to see work done here in washington. They are frustrated by the gridlock and committed to both Speaker Boehner and leader mcconnell is that i am not going to judge ideas based on the fact that they are democrat or republican. I will judge them based on whether or not they work. That looks like fun. What was on the menu besides Immigration Reform . According to the white house, the lawmakers were served corgi and sharpei dressing and a roasted poodle platter. Terrible. What are they doing over there in the white house. In other news, the wall street journal reports that the president sent a secret letter to the ayatollah caw main sh khomeini. For more lets go to the senior white house correspondent. Shake your body, shake your body fat cats in washington, am i right . What are your thoughts on the elections and then the thought of the idea of compromise and then thoughts on me. Start with the election and then the compromise and then finish up on me. I prefer to mail it to you. I kept watching the footage. I am imagining the white house staff coming in. Look, it is not a vetoproof majority. What is going to happen is you can have gridlock or what you will continue to see is problems with the left wing base and the right wing base and any attempt to come to the middle will bring a great amount of suspicion, much like your past indiscretion. I am looking at 2016. All already. I think it is merely a pause. This is something that was to be expected. Everybody hates politicians when they are in power. They always swing back to the people out of power. They will have two years of republicans they will hate too. What are the republicans going to have to do to maintain their momentum . They will need a surfer to ride this wave. Who is the surfer, thadius . Could it be you . What you need to do and you hit the nail on the head. These last elections, people know who they dont like that did it to them. No one has laid forward an articulate fastforward agenda for the 21st century that ties a flat entrepreneurial minded america and culturally hip with a top down government to flatten it. That has not happened. It is 1824 all over again. You know what i am talking about. Thats exactly what i said too by the way. He repeated everything i said. Let me ask you about the letter sent to iran. Thats such a bad thing. What is wrong with talking to your adversaries . Is it because it is owe obama . He is an islamist. He wrote it in era back. Just to correct you, it isnt the ayatollah co khomeini because he has been dead for a longtime. I am not that dumb. Clarify. I am dumb. He didnt say khomeini. It is not a bad idea that he sent a letter. Why are they sending letters . Cant they call them or send an email . They sent like a secret letter. By the way, thats the upside. They cant read them. Iti dont think it is a bad idea, but i am a bit skeptical of the idea that we need to work with the iranians because we are both trying to destroy isis. Isis. Isis as a force i we are retreating a bit. We dont need to saddle up with the iranians to destroy them. It is a terrible thing to do. He is wrong. You are watching the eyes glaze over. The trick is when you are talking to them on the television, you just look beyond them and it is fine. Look at that camera there. Totally fine. You have been writing letters to iran in the hopes of becoming a trophy wife. He told me i was the only one. I am a little upset. I was told i was the only secret friend. You know you have secrets if you know you are doing something wrong. We are always going to have an enemy. If it is not isis it will be someone else. He needs to choose is wisely. His enemy should not be the gop. And this gridlock really stinks. What we are going to see is obama is just going to be getting out of his car. He will say, you know what, i am going to walk. I am going to walk there. Yall can stay in your car. I will walk and you all will you will be there alone. He will walk and be there alone and we will be stuck in our cars. I didnt know what that meant. I kind of understand what you are talking about. Just going it alone. Dont make fun of her. You didnt make sense earlier. It is like when president bartlett tbot out of the car and got out of the car and walked to the hill. That was the worst. You are the worst. Andy, Say Something sensible that erases everything Michael Moynihan says. I agree with the red eye president john bolton. He said president obama is sending a letter is not a big deal and thats how things work. I do agree with something or other. I am not entirely sure we need to get into a partnership with iran on the whole isis thing. For the democrat, republican thing, it is easy to forget that. Most americans want to look at the government and they want it to work. Thats what they care about. The majority of americans are not hard core conservatives and they are not hard core liberals. As long as it is not function all. They got in now and won these seats because they are blaming it on the democrats. But it is going to be harder for the republicans to blame it on the democrats if it continues for the next two years. You brought up a very good point. That is [bleep]. The guys with the beard. Both of you need to leave this show. Me and andy and joanne will do it. Stop insulting me. It is miewch all between iran it is mutual between iran and syria. Assad was the target of the Obama Administration prior to what they recognize as the threat of isis. What is the shortterm benefit of teaming up with iran. Thats what they are going to do in the long run because your fundamental difference will be whether assad stays or not. It is time the president understood and what churchill understood. There is no negotiating with someone who wants to kill you and has said it over and over and over and over again. Secret letter not with standing. It is not a secret letter. We are talking about it. It brought up the time, but the idea that Henry Kissinger about the iraniraq war, too bad they cant both lose. Thats something we should have listened to in 1980. We could sign up with assad to beat isis. We could sign up with hezbollah or the iranians. The thing we are learning about the middle east is just st do what theylone. Do to each other. It is the crazy house in the neighborhood. People are beating each other up on the lawn and trucks up on blocks. The problem is one of your pals lives next door. He says do you want to come over for lunch. You are like, no, busy. Why dont you come over here perm febtly permanently, to texas. Just move. We can get everybody in israel to texas. Everybody believes that this one area is the promise land. It cant be possible. It is not everybodys promise land. It is not. There are three groups that believes it matters, you know . Why didnt you i dont know. In the next segment you will revisit the colonization repatriation plan of the colonies. I will visit that. Says the guy who got less than 1 of the vote. I had your support. Yes, you did. What was i thinking . Coming up, synchronized swimmers olympic heros or puppets controlled by the devil . First a new dating app . I think i have done and gone no where. It mixes dating and defense spending. A new app called candy date connects singles with shared views on hot political issues. First you are asked to vote thumbs up on gun control, abortion and how much you hate maroon 5 and then swipe through pictures of members of congress who voted close to you on the same issues and then you have sex with them. I kid. We wouldnt want that. Based on the swiping your match with smp the developer said it is not about sex. If you are looking for a hookup go to tinder. If you are looking for a deeper connection with somebody who shares your coal values on issues and positions use candidates. Thats gross. I believe we have tape of one of the eligible singles. We should do a wear are they now where are they now with him . All right, moynihan, will this be as popular as friendster. There is only one other person on there and that is you. And you wont even friend me. I sit there and going back to friendster. I moved over to my space. This is a bad idea. Everything about it is a bad idea. Come on. The first thing is that i dont know anyone who has my political beliefs for a variety of reasons. Those that do are in prison or the ukraine or something. But this idea there was a number i saw recently and it was a polling that said a father would you allow your daughter to marry a republican or democrat . There was 4 that would object. That number is at 40 and it is astonishing that we are narrowing that much. You know what, i dont even know if i went on that who would i i am like who would i swipe . Franklin pierce. I dont understand that at all. Going from the 4 to the 40 has something to do with the fact that people think it is okay to talk about politics all the time. I wrote a column about this. There is literally nothing. It is only because we have so much band width. We have to fill it up. So if some half wit celebrity says something about gay marriage there is a feeding frenzy and everybody has to write a column. Everything is paw lit sized to make sure websites i often write for stay in business. You have to talk about lena done ham for dunham for seven hours. I understand. Shut up now. No. God he talked a lot. Do you think women care more than men about sharing political beliefs. We like to talk a lot. As long as we are not interrupted or if people dont disagree, we are okay. Thats why we wanted to be with someone who shares the same political beliefs. We should talk about politics. Realize he is a socialist. I said i dont want to talk anymore. Maybe that was his goal. Probably. He is actually a hard core sen tear yen. I think they should turn this into more of a dating site. Basically it matches you up with a politician who is very like minded. They might not be single, right . They said it isnt tinder. I think they have to be single. I should have read the story. You should have. Did you dump the socialist . I had to. What is your name again . Congressman . Good thing, bad thing . Dont answer it. Moynihan said something maybe it was any doo. Most people and idealogs. I am going to kill you. I think americans are as political as they have ever been. It is you are exposed to it more. People can go to facebook and twitter and they can get their views on out and see it. I hate to think that there are so many people out there that believe the politics is life as opposed to a part of life. Hooking up as you would. As you would. Your trips are dictated by your politics. They were treated to the joy. Thats true. Trist sounds like an interesting erotic chocolate. Enjoy trists in bed. Or a cracker. Andy, i always believe that no matter what sexual attraction trumps everything unless you are a truther. If you were sitting this is with the most beautiful girl sitting next to you and you are a truther and you would still not have sex with her. I saw this unbelievably gore gore gorgeous girl on the street. I cooperate believe how hot she was. She got on her phone and started texting and you could hear the key clicks and then she wasnt attractive. Same as a truther. I believe what is important , thad, is that you only interact with people who feel the same as you and have the same opinions as you. This way you never have your assumptions challengedded. It is a blissful way to go through life. You should never, ever interact with people who dont 100 agree with your views. We have two minutes here. But i am thinking of deal breakers. If you met a gorgeous girl and all she did was listen to alice jones. I am pleading with her. I am a skeptic on the holocaust. You are attractive. I will try to convince her. Convince her the next morning. You know, your numbers are wrong. There is no line for me. You are a sad, strange, horrible man. Who would ever be with me if i was like, you have to be sensible. It is for people who have limps and are drooling and dont believe in fema camps. You are beautiful in every sad, sick way. I would never sleep with anyone who doesnt believe in chem trails. I want to make that clear right now. I hear the music. That says get out of here. Coming up, what do your pizza toppings say about your personality . The better question, why did you order talking pizza toppings . Thats weird. First, a weird from our a word from our sponsor. Tonights sponsor, dream. The movie is in your head staring naked you, thomas jefferson, your fifth grade math teacher, 47 sheep and a talking guinea pig. Enjoy them now because they are only in theaters for a limited release. Thanks, dreams. Will the bionic man find new fans . The lesser known wahlberg brother, i think he is mark, will star in a remake of 6 million man. The tentative title . The price went up. It will be the 6. 5 Million Dollar man. I kid. It will star lee majors and a great jacket there. An astronaut who after a plane crash was saved by doctors and given new bionic legs. The bo the tom line the bottom line, the affects holdup as this fight with big foot shows. A harry stump. Do we have my favorite sound effect of all time . When ever do we have any other ones or is that it . Is that it anymore . All of them. Okay, recue. I guess we will have to talk. You and i are in a similar agegroup. Are you excited over this . I am excited. Is mark wallburg the right choice . If he has to sound effects. Sound effects . Sounds like something putin would do. When you think about this it is like we were talking about watching the video. We watched that growing up. They sold out their artistic soul to make big foot. We all know that big foot exists and is probably looking at that political website. You remember that particular episode and that big foot was an android. He ripped his arm off in the footage. c it looked like he was fighting the basis for hot tuna. I think it was andre the giant. Okay, i am going to you, joanne because you werent born 10 years after this. The last episode was 79, i think. You were born in 94 . 88. Are you excited over this as us old wierdos are . Sometimes it is nice when they do remakes you have nothing to compare it to so you wont be disappointed. You remember how good it was back then. I am looking forward to it because it has all of the things i like. Travel, surgeries and dollar signs. Thats not polite. Thats true. I dont know if 6 billion seems like a lot, andy. I actually did the math. In 19736 million is like 132 million now. The key to this is who will be the unsung hero. Lee majors should play on you stin. And i think dr. Rudy wells will make a good rudy wells. I think we have one of my favorite things, a Richard Anderson doll lying around somewhere. It is lee majors and the big foot collection. This is from my own collection. It took him four hours to get that out. I had that doll and it disappeared. It came with the jogging. What i love the most is it unites the old baby boomers like you and the genxers like me and we can agree it was a great show and that a remake is a great idea. Do we have any other call fors . Sound effects . This was on i believe it was every monday night monday or sunday . My favorite episode my favorite episodes were when he fought the 7 million man who was played by is it chuck norris . Monty marcom. Was he married to Lyndsay Wagner . This is ridiculous. Played in that first one. I am not that much younger than you guys. She was a broad. Is lee majors still alive . Yes. He watches request the red he watches red eye. Does it drive you crazy . How come lee majors hasnt been on. I was on with space man from the ateam. Lee majors lives out in the south somewhere, but he is going to be coming here. Space man is in montana. I no. But i talked to lee and lee will come out and do the show. My other favorite show, john saxon played lee majors and it turned out his friend was replaced by a robot. Screw everybody. Seriously. He was kidnapped but it turns out it was angered oscar goldman. Remember the bionic dog . No, i dont. And it was a german shepherd. How unarrange. How unoriginal. Do you remember the special doobie brothers episode of the it was called bootlegging. And regular red eye guests on that one. It is the greatest segment ever. When you sober up, you will remember how good it was. I i am so happy. It will make him better than he was. See you even remember. Better, stronger, faster. Time to time to take a break. We are going to talk about pizza. Best book out there ever not cool. What can only bow described as the most important study ever done, the pizza topping you like can describe your personality. After subjecting 500 people to a range of tests and then showing them pictures of pizzas with various toppings on them. He says preferring pepperoni is the mark of an extrough vert. Championing chicken means you are driven, competitive and assertive. Veggie lovers are charming and communists. Actually gullible. If you go for goat cheese are you sensitive and easy going or perhaps a goat. Goats dont eat goat cheese. Thats cannibalism. Are you buying the study . No. Whats your favorite topping . Meats. I learned all of this from charlie rose. Why do you answer everything with one word . Thank you for being a terrible guest. Did they mention toppings by smug libertarians i will ask you what do you put on your pizza besides drugs. I am annoyed you cut my answer off. Xanax, i crush it up. I smoke a lot of cigarettes and i eat pizza which is pretty much every night. I want to give a shoutout to allen hirsch. When you get to the end of the story you realize he did the survey and he is a real doctor for Pizza Express. Journalists have a way of making a little extra money. Apparently researchers do stuff for Pizza Express like fake studies. It doesnt damage them. I interviewed hirsch and he did crazy are you serious . Yes. He does crazy smelling studies like what kind of smells affect you. It is in philadelphia. I know the guy. He claims this is helpful on a first date and it helps by the order you can figure out if it is a good match. This is good for a first date. It lets me know if somebody takes me to get pizza on a first date to never go out with them again. Wow. If there are tablecloths then it is fine. If it is microwave. Those little pizzas. It is what you like to call friday night. It is important to find somebody who likes the same pizza. Then as you order a pie it is easier to figure out what you want to get. I dont think the choices reflect your personality. I think it reflects the environment and your health more. For example what is available . What travels well and will it affect your acid reflux . It is a sick sorded game. Sordid game. It reflects your personality. An empty black hole of a void where nothing dares to enter. That is true. Anything you put on there it ruins. If there is going to be a topping it has to be pepperoni and no vegetables and no pineapples. What is wrong with you people. When chicken was put on a pizza. Everywhere outside the u. S. Corn. England they put corn on it. If i want corn i will eat it out of a can. Or i will eat it in a can. Out of a can is the best kind of corn. Corn in a can. I will eat it when i am in a hurry. Just with a spoon. You dont even bother to take the cigarette out of your mouth. It is all the same, ladies and gentlemen. Coming up, stuffed animals having sex. What does that mean . I dont know. If you have videos send them to us. Where that arrow is, thats where you are going. The conference call. The ultimate arena for business. Hour after hour of diving deep, touching base, and putting ducks in rows. The only problem with Conference Calls eventually they have to end. Unless you have the comcast business voiceedge mobile app. It lets you switch seamlessly from your desk phone to your mobile with no interruptions. Ive never felt so alive. Get the future of phone and the phones are free. Comcast business. Built for business. Monday. We have guests like Patti Ann Browne and tucker carlson. E block. Last story. Thats the last story. They may hate the buffoon of kim jongun. They the picture of the Supreme Leader possibly to dispel rumors he was ill or overthrown. The photo makes headlines for another reason, the stuffed animals in the background. No one knows who placed the toys there, but who ever it was will not be executed. I miss read that. They probably will be executed. Thats the sad part about the story. Some young kid did that and he will probably get killed. I first started laughing when i saw that picture. Kim jongun looks like he is in new order now. Then i laugh at the photo and stop and realize like 40,000 people will be shot because of this. Go kill that guy and his family. The entire family. It is usually nine generations. They will go back and dig people up. Just to rekill them. This reminds me, thadius, they wrote a letter to a british hair style salon because they wanted him to stop selling the kim jongun hair thing. If you dont get it done, they are going to kill him. I know there is a ground swell of people going into the shop in the first place. When i first saw the video i was shocked. I couldnt figure out how he got into andys bedroom. Care to respond. I wouldnt dignify it with ay ay with a response. We have 90 seconds left. It had Dennis Rodman written all over it. Rodman did it and did it months ago. Rodman is the master of the long joke. Rodman will set up a joke six months earlier, and god bless him for that. Kim jongun, if there is one thing he is known for, his family has been known for, his sense of humor. He found the whole thing hilarious. First was either kim jongun himself who does have a great sense of humor. The camera is here and we will take a photo or it was the children in the orphanage. If you notice there are no children in any of these photos. Maybe they did it and he is like, i dont know which kid, but i will get rid of all of them. Thats even sicker than i thought. It is what his family has been doing for generations. Why cant we just go over there and do something . Thats why i asked the question. We were over there trying to do something. I dont go back that far. I was born in the 90s. You were born with the 6 million man. You have a book coming out. Joanne, Michael Moynihan. That does it for me. Im greg gutfeld. I shall see you next time. This is the five. So today, our tuesday was the quiet kid spanking the bully after six years of taunting. The quiet kid its like the defense attorney plead their goal is to save the president , but tuesday was bad. The damage, well harry reid is no